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The first time Anakin coughed up a delicate, pale pink petal, he had no idea what was going on. For all of a second before it hit him and he panicked .
It was right after his Knighting. He had just placed his newly severed Padawan braid in Obi-Wan’s hand. The look of delight and awe in his former master’s eyes as he did so sent a pulse of lightning through his chest. A sensation he ignored entirely in favor of smiling widely at
Obi-Wan in return.
“I couldn’t have asked for a better master.” he assured him softly. “You took me and all the problems I brought on in a time of your life where you already had so much on you. I know I haven’t always been the most grateful, or easy, and I appreciate all you’ve done for me more than I could possibly say.”
Obi-Wan stared at him, surprise and affection flooding their Force bond.(A bond Anakin desperately hoped Obi-Wan never remembered to sever. He didn’t know what he’d do if he lost the comforting presence of the other man in the back of his mind.) Seconds later he was gathering Anakin into his arms and squeezing him tight.
“I am so, so proud of you Anakin.” he told him firmly. “I may have been new at this and it may have been hard, but I will never, ever regret taking you as my Padawan. You will be a wonderful knight. Just know that I will always be here for you, even if you are no longer a Padawan.”
Anakin felt a raspy tickle in his throat and cleared it harshly before he whispered, “I know, Obi-Wan.”
His former master’s arms tightened minutely and the affection in their bond grew. The tickle that was still stuck in Anakin’s throat turned into a harsh cough. Harsh enough that he had to pull away from Obi-Wan so he could cover his face.
Obi-Wan met his watery gaze with a concerned frown on his face. “Anakin? Are you okay?”
He cleared his throat and nodded. “Yeah, Master. I’m okay.”
“Good. Would hate for you to get sick right after being Knighted.”
Anakin chuckled and nodded. “Would really put a dampener on the celebration, huh?”
Obi-Wan gave a chuckle of his own and patted Anakin’s shoulder. “Very true. Speaking of, where would you like to go to celebrate?”
He bit his lip as he hesitated for a brief moment before asking, “Would you want to get a drink with me?”
“Absolutely.” Obi-Wan agreed immediately.
Anakin grinned widely along with his former master. The sight of the other’s beautiful smile caused the tickle in his chest to get worse. Instead of teasing Obi-Wan like he wanted, he gave a sharp, harsh cough into his hand.
To his horror, something came up with it and got stuck in his teeth. He pushed down the panic at the feeling and gave Obi-Wan a closed mouth smile at his worried expression.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m positive, Obi-Wan.”
“If you’re sure?”
He could tell that he was skeptical, but when he nodded once more and sent reassurance through their bond his former master dropped it. As they made their way back to their apartments, he held back just enough to pull the thing from between his teeth without Obi-Wan noticing.
It was a small, tear drop shaped petal. Pale pink with darker pink veins. He stared at it in confusion for a second before realization hit him.
Sahe’asai’ar Pae’ilei. Petals you coughed up when you were in love with someone who did not love you back. A disease of the Outer Rim. A disease he had watched kill many. A disease he had vowed he’d do anything he could to never get.
Yet, here he was. Stricken with Sahe’asai’ar Pae’ilei. Not only was he in love, but in love with his master of all people. Someone who had always meant everything to him. He didn’t know when that love had changed. When it had turned romantic, but he would likely curse that day for the rest of his life.
His only consolation was that it wouldn't kill him. It may not be love, but the affection Obi-Wan had for him was enough to keep Anakin alive. Because there was no way he’d ever have the surgery. He’d sooner die than remove his love for Obi-Wan.
He wouldn’t die though. He would just live the rest of his life coughing up tiny little petals. He would live with it, happily, to be able to love Obi-Wan the way he did. Though he would also make sure that no one ever figured out that it was happening. If no one knew, he could pretend it wasn’t. He could suffer in silence and love Obi-Wan from afar. So, a secret it would remain.
Padme:
Unfortunately for Anakin, nothing ever ended up going the way he wanted. He was at least successfully able to keep it hidden for the first few months of the war. Even getting as close to his men as possible, he was still able to keep it from them. He had just never taken in consideration the one person it was impossible to hide things from. His best friend.
Reuniting with Padme was one of the best things that ever happened to him. She was an amazing woman, and an even more amazing friend. He was honestly incredibly grateful his childhood crush on her fizzled out. He needed a friend like her probably more than he needed anyone else.
The first time he was back on Coruscant from the front lines, she asked if he would like to come visit. It was an invitation he jumped on. A chance to relax with one of his favorite people was a no brainer and not something he’d ever dally on.
When he reached her apartment, she greeted him with an excited grin and immediate hug. “I’m so glad you’re doing okay, Anakin. I worry about you constantly being in danger. ”
He grinned and hugged her back. “Of course I am. Takes more than a few droids to take me down.”
“That's certainly true.” she grinned as well while guiding him to her couch. “The media has even given you a moniker practically saying as such.”
“They have!” he exclaimed before smirking. “What is it?”
“I don’t know.” she returned his smirk with a teasing grin. “It may go to your head.”
“Padme!” he practically whined as he leaned his head over onto her shoulder.
She laughed and brushed his bangs off his face. “They’re calling you the Hero With No Fear.”
“Oh.” he whispered, an uncomfortable feeling settling in his chest. “That's uhm, a lot to live up to.”
“Oh, Ani. It's a name you earned just by being your normal, reckless self. I promise. We, and by which I mean everyone, aren’t expecting you to literally have no fear.”
“Well, that's good I guess.”
She gave him an assuring look and once more ran her fingers through his hair. After a moment she spoke again to softly say, “You know, it's not the only name you’ve been given,”
He sighed heavily and peered up at her through his lashes. “Is the other one worse or better?”
“It's not only for you.”
“What do you mean?”
“You and Obi-Wan have been coined as The Team.”
Anakin raised a questioning eyebrow. “That was with capital Trill’s, wasn’t it?”
She grinned. “Of course it was. The whole Republic has noticed that the two of you together have the best success rate, the lowest death count and are just all around the best Jedi pair the Order has.”
A warm rush of delight, pride and affection filled his chest at her words. Followed by, to his dismay, the familiar scratching feeling.
Try as he might, he couldn’t stop the harsh coughs that erupted from him. Nor the handful of petals that fell out of his mouth and into his hands.
“Anakin!” Padme gasped in alarm. He tried to hide them from her, but her small hands shot out and grabbed his wrists, stopping him from pulling away. “What is this?”
“It's called Sahe’asai’ar Pae’ilei. ” He whispered. “Lovelorn Flowers, in Basic. It, uhm, it's an Outer Rim disease. It happens when you have an unrequited love.”
She guided his hands closer to her and slowly opened his fingers, her own careful not to touch the flowers as she peered down at them. “Stewjoni prierose.” she whispered after a second of study.
“Is, is that what they are?”
She nodded. “In flower language, they mean ‘I can’t live without you.’ They also represent young love.”
“Oh.” he whispered harshly.
“Anakin, are you in love with Obi-Wan?”
He winced, but nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I am. I know it's hopeless, Padme, but I can’t help it. I can't get rid of these feelings. I don’t want to. He just, he means more to me than I can say.”
“Have you thought about telling him?”
“No!” he exclaimed. “Padme, he would hate me. The only reason this isn’t killing me is because he cares for me. I wont get rid of them, but I don’t want it to kill me either.”
“It could kill you!”
He gave another nod. “The longer the love remains unrequited, the more the flowers grow until they choke you. Mine won't get that bad, because Obi-Wan does care for me. Because he loves me in a platonic way.”
“Oh, Anakin.” Padme breathed before guiding him into her arms. “No matter what happens, I am here for you.”
“I can’t tell him, Padme.” he whispered into her shoulder.
“Shh.” she ran her fingers through his hair, nails scratching his scalp in an attempt to sooth him. “You don’t need to, Ani. Not if you’re that worried. I doubt he will ever hate you, but I don’t want you to do something you aren’t comfortable with either. I also don’t want you to keep your feelings bottled up all the time. That can’t be good for you to do at all times. Talk to me, okay. I am always here for you.”
He smiled into her shoulder. “Thank you, Padme.”
“Of course, Anakin. You always have me. Even when you’re out there fighting Separatists, you may always call me. Even if you do have someone on the front lines as well.”
“I don’t.” he informed her. “Not really. You’re my best friend, Padme, and I had no plans to tell you about the flowers. No one else knows anything about them. For this, you’re really all that I have.”
Rex/Kix:
Despite befriending almost all of the Five oh First, Anakin was certain that was a true statement. He was certain it would stay true as well. He was these men’s General. They depended on him. He didn’t have the right to burden them with a terminal, toxic illness. He couldn’t trouble them with his pathetic love for a man who would never return it. It wasn’t their responsibility to take care of Anakin.
He was sure a few would be rankled, or even angry, if they knew he thought that. Like Kix. Or Rex. Rex for sure. The Captain had taken to being Anakin’s protective shadow on the battlefield. Especially when they weren’t teamed up with the Two Twelfth.
“Someone has to have your back, General.” he would tell him with a wry grin. “You keep us safe, we keep you safe. It's how it works.”
“Rex, I don’t want you, any of you, putting yourself in the line of fire for me.”
“You would do it for us, wouldn’t you, sir?”
“Of course.”
“Then expect every member of the Five oh First to have your back, as you have ours.”
Rex’s loyalty and dedication to him was what prompted Anakin to tell the Captain the truth of his disease. Though, he was a little ashamed to admit, not until it became impossible to hide from him any longer.
He and Rex were seeing Cody and Obi-Wan off at the Resolute’s hanger. They had just completed a very successful, the first in weeks, campaign. Now that they had won, the Two Twelfth was being sent out to yet another planet in need.
Anakin wished they could stay. Wished he could spend more time with his former master. This had been the first time they had worked together in over a month, and Anakin was missing him more than he wanted to admit. Battle after battle weren't the most cohesive for quality time.
Time they still didn’t get to spend together, as he was once more being sent away. So Anakin had to again see him off with a fake smile and barely suppressed sadness.
Obi-Wan clapped his shoulder firmly, hand squeezing the tense muscle. “You did very well these few days, Anakin. I’m very proud of you.”
He tried his hardest not to flush. Or lean into Obi-Wan’s hand. Or cough flower petals all over his pretty face so they got stuck in his stupidly perfect beard. He was only barely able to manage all three.
“Thank you, Obi-Wan. I wish you didn’t have to leave. I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too.” Obi-Wan told him immediately. He then surprised him by pulling him into a hug.
Anakin would never let himself miss an opportunity to grip his former master tightly to him. The longer he held him, the more his lungs burned with the need to rid themselves of the accumulating petals. He didn’t care. He’d do anything to feel Obi-Wan in his arms. Including temporarily suffocate if he had to.
The older Jedi eventually pulled away, of course he did. He pulled away, boarded a ship and left. Somehow, Anakin was able to keep the building flower petals down until he was entirely gone and completely out of sight.
Of course, after holding them for so long, he felt like he was coughing up a whole bouquet. It hurt. And tasted awful. And, to make it all worse, he forgot that Rex was standing beside him.
“General! What’s wrong? What's happening?”
He held up a hand to still Rex’s panic and placed the other one over his mouth to catch the bundle of petals. When the coughs had died down, he lifted watery eyes to meet Rex’s panicked gaze.
“It’s okay, Rex. I’m fine.”
“Fine! You just coughed up a bloody flower mess !”
“They only get bloody if I hold them in too long.”
“ What!”
Anakin sighed heavily and explained it all to him. As he spoke, Rex’s brow just continued to get more and more furrowed until he was practically glaring at him. When he finished, the Captain didn’t speak. He just reached out and grabbed Anakin’s arm in order to drag him away.
“Hey, ow, Rex, what’re you doing!”
“Taking you to Kix.”
“What!” he tried to pull his arm out of Rex’s grip but it was too firm. “Didn’t you hear me? I’m fine!”
“What I heard is that you’re keeping a potentially dangerous medical condition from your medic.” he replied simply. His gaze fixed on Anakin’s over his shoulder as he added, “We’re fixing that.”
“Rex, no! No, we can’t.” he knew his voice turned desperate as he pleaded, “I can’t have this in an official file!”
“Then we won't make it official.”
He didn’t let Anakin protest. Or more accurately, he ignored his continued protests all the way to the med bay. When they walked in, Rex’s hand still firmly around Anakin’s forearm, Kix gave a heavy sigh and put aside his data pad.
“What happened now?”
“General Skywalker has been keeping a medical condition from us.”
“What!”
Anakin groaned and once more explained the Sahe’asai’ar Pae’ilei. “It's not that big of a deal, Kix. I promise.” He concluded with an exasperated sigh.
“So, you’re telling me that every time you feel an active, let's say rush, of love for General Kenobi, you start coughing flower petals?”
“Yes.”
“And if you hold them in too long, they start bleeding?”
“Uhmm, yes.”
“And in all your intelligence, you’ve somehow decided it was smart to keep it from us when you’re almost always around General Kenobi!?”
Anakin gave a heavy sigh at the medic’s increasingly shrill, exasperated, questions and nodded. “Yes. To all of that, Kix.”
Kix let out a high pitched frustrated noise. “General, please tell me you know how insane that is?”
“I had to.” he insisted. “I have it under control. It's not life threatening. I’m fine.”
“The flowers might not kill you, General, but bleeding to death happens to be a thing that happens when your lungs are torn up from holding flower petals in them in a foolish attempt to keep a chronic health condition secret! ”
“Well, yes, but I don’t generally hold them in for that long.”
“Please, for the sake of my sanity, give me a legitimate reason that you kept this a secret.”
“Obi-Wan can’t find out.” he insisted firmly. “Kix, he’ll hate me. The Jedi will throw me out. I probably will die then. Please, can we just keep it here? Between us? You know now, and you’re the medic. That’s what's important, yeah?”
“Are we the only ones who know?” Rex asked softly.
“Just the three of us and Padme.” he looked between the brothers. “Please. We need to keep it that way.”
Kix and Rex exchanged a look and then the medic finally gave a heavy nod. “As long as you check in with me periodically, I see no reason any one else would have to know.”
Rex nodded. “No one will learn from us, General. I promise.”
Anakin’s shoulders sagged in relief and he gave them a grateful smile. “Thank you.”
Ahsoka:
It was a promise they kept. However, it didn’t stay just between them because once again Anakin was the one who was incapable of keeping his biggest secret a secret.
One thing he had never counted on was a Padawan. He really didn’t think the Council would ever want him to take one, let alone give one to him. He hadn’t wanted one. Until he met Ahsoka.
He’d never, ever admit it but he felt like a bird imprinting on its young with her. She just clicked with him. She was impossible, reckless and brave. She was kind, compassionate and funny. It didn’t take long for Anakin to claim her as his.
Though, in doing so, it meant that they grew exceptionally close. Fast. And growing close meant that it became very hard to keep things from each other. Like diseases where he was constantly coughing up flowers.
Somehow, he managed to keep it from her for months. But then Obi-Wan joined them on a mission, and all three were sent home to the Temple together for once. It was such a rarity, that they didn’t hesitate to spend some of their hard earned free time together. They actually managed to spent=d a truly wonderful evening doing nothing more than eating delicious take out and watching trashy holo-dramas.
It was an evening that became even better when it ended with Obi-Wan hugging him goodbye. “I am glad we got a chance to do this, Anakin. It has been far too long.”
“Me too, Master.” he squeezed him tight and then asked. “We’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Certainly. Perhaps we can do some lightsaber training with Ahsoka?”
Anakin lit up. “That sounds like a really good idea. Would you want to?”
“Of course.” Obi-Wan squeezed his arm. “You are a wonderful master for her, Anakin. I hope you know that asking to train together isn’t me doubting you. I merely miss sparing with you.”
Anakin flushed and cleared his throat tightly on the rising petals. “I know, Obi-Wan. I miss it too.”
He gave another squeeze to his arm and smiled brilliantly. “Tomorrow, then?”
“Tomorrow.”
Anakin knew that Obi-Wan’s praise and sentiment had him preening like a loth-cat. A loth-cat with a hairball, however. One that he coughed up the moment his door shut on his former master’s back. Unfortunately, it was also the same moment Ahsoka walked back into the room.
“Master!” she practically screeched. “What the kriff is that!”
“Nothing!” he exclaimed as he tried to hide the petals. Unfortunately, she didn’t let him as she reached out and grabbed them from him before he could.
He immediately panicked, grabbed her hands, and pulled her to the sink where he instantly stuck them under warm water. “Don’t touch them! They’re toxic!”
“And you coughed them up!” she shrieked. “Master, you need to go to the healers!”
“No.”
Once he was sure her hands were clean and undamaged, he turned her to face him and set his hands on her shoulders. “No, Ahsoka. I have it under control.”
“Coughing up toxic flowers is not under control!”
“Yes, it is. I promise. ”
“Explain it to me then, Skyguy, because I’m a fraction of a second away from dragging you to Master Che.”
He sighed heavily and guided her to their couch. “Ahsoka, what I’m about to tell you is an incredibly important secret. You must never repeat it to anyone. Promise me.”
“Anakin…”
“Promise me, Snips.”
She gave a heavy sigh of her own, but nodded. “Okay. I promise.”
“Thank you.” he gave her a weak smile and then explained everything. What it was. Why it was happening. Who else knew. When he finished speaking, she launched herself into his arms and hugged him tight.
“Anakin, I’m so sorry.” she whispered into his ear. “That sounds so horrible.”
“It's not too bad. I’ve learned to live with it.”
She pulled away and met his eyes pointedly. “You don’t have to.”
“What do you mean?” he asked, his voice coming out tight and worried.
“Tell Master Obi-Wan, Skyguy.” she insisted. “He loves you too. I know that he does.”
“Not like that, Snips.”
“Well, how do you know?”
“Because he’s Obi-Wan .” he stressed firmly. “He’s the perfect Jedi. He doesn’t form attachments, let alone to his former Padawan. If I say nothing, we remain in this limbo and the flowers don’t suffocate me. I like not being suffocated, so I like this limbo. Okay?”
“But, if you just told him everything ….?”
He reached out and placed his hand on her shoulder. “I can’t make Obi-Wan feel in a way he doesn't, Ahsoka. I certainly can’t try and guilt him into loving me. Things are better this way. Trust me.”
Her shoulders sagged and she nodded. “Okay, Skyguy. Just know I’m here for you if you ever change your mind.”
“I know. I won’t. But I know.”
Palpatine:
The next person who found out also wanted Anakin to stop the flowers' growth. Though, he wanted Anakin to get rid of them. He was also the first person Anakin truly wished had never found out.
When he was younger, Sheev Palpatine was a trusted, kind advisor. For a few years now, since the war started really, Anakin had begun to lose faith in him. Faith and trust.
It was a combination of a few things. His unwillingness to help the clones was the biggest part of it. He seemed reluctant to make sure they received the rights all sentients deserved. He had all these emergency war time powers. They should be useful for something . Should be able to be used to benefit the people actually risking their lives on a daily basis.
The other thing was his continued negative remarks on the Jedi. True, the Council would never be Anakin’s favorite, but the Jedi were his family. They welcomed him, taught him, and gave him freedom .
Palpatine’s continued rants against them were beginning to rankle him. He was focused almost too intently on how he didn’t think they trust Anakin. How they should be giving him more than they were. How he was better than the whole Council combined. Instead of making him feel good, his statements frustrated him. Didn’t Palpatine realize he had received more than any other Jedi?”
Obi-Wan was the best Jedi he knew, and he hadn’t been knighted until he was twenty-five . Anakin was still years off of that, and he was a knight, a General and had a Padawan. Things that were utterly unheard of before him.
Palpatine would always brush that fact off as insignificant. He’d say they were only doing one thing right by him. That he should be a master by now with his own seat on the Council.
It was hard for Anakin to not outright laugh at that. Didn’t Palpatine realize there were literally thousands of Jedi? That in order to earn a seat, most Jedi had to have many, many years under their belts. Years, experience and at least one knighted padawan? He had to not, otherwise he wouldn’t be pushing for such ridiculousness.
The thing that he did most though, the thing that pissed Anakin off more than anything else, was that he would disrespect Obi-Wan. Constantly. Something Anakin couldn’t stand to listen to.
Not only was he the greatest Jedi Anakin had ever known, he was the greatest man . Palpatine didn’t have a single right to talk about him the way he did. Especially when it came to Anakin’s relationship with Obi-Wan. It was a relationship Palpatine absolutely didn’t understand.
Disparaging Obi-Wan was exactly what he was doing now. He was going on and on and on about how it was a disgrace that Obi-Wan didn't take him with him on a high profile mission. That he couldn't believe Obi-Wan is so rude to and mistrusting of him. That Anakin deserved better.
He gave a heavy sigh and shook his head. “I’m sorry to interrupt, sir, but Obi-Wan asked if I wanted to join him. It’s an incredibly important negotiation, and I knew Obi-Wan would be better suited to go alone. I declined his offer on my own.”
Palpatine blinked at him owlishly. “Truly?”
“Yes, of course.” he replied vehemently. “Obi-Wan respects and cares for me a great deal, Chancellor. He is a good Jedi, and an even better man. He has never once judged or belittled me in the years I have known him. I was lucky to have a Jedi master like him.”
His impassioned speech was met by a wide eyed Chancellor and a tickle in his throat. A tickle he did his damndest to ignore, but it was impossible. It quickly grew into a burning in his chest and he had no choice but to let the cough out.
Palpatine’s expression turned even wider as he coughed into his hands. He even got half way out of his chair as he asked, “My boy? Are you alright?”
Anakin nodded through the fit and cursed at the kaleidoscope of colored petals that fell into his hands. Like any other time he tried to hide them, he was unsuccessful. Palpatine’s keen eyes caught on them in an instant.
He wasted no time to question them in an almost hysterically high pitched tone. “What are those?”
“Flower petals.” Anakin replied. He wanted more than anything to leave it at that, but Palpatine, of course, wouldn’t let him.
“My boy, what in the galaxy are you coughing up flower petals for?”
“Its, it's a disease from the Outer Rim.” he answered softly. “Flowers grow in your lungs when you’re suffering from an unrequited love.”
The Chancellor stared at him for a long moment before asking, “It is for Master Kenobi, isn’t it?”
Anakin hesitated for a moment and then nodded.
“My boy, I had no idea! I thought you and Senator Amidala…?”
“No. Padme and I are just friends.”
“Hmm.” he hummed and then questioned, “Can they be removed?”
“Well, yes, but doing so removes the feelings for the person they belong to.”
“Well, there you are! A simple solution!”
Anakin’s eyes went wide and he shook his head adamantly. “No, no Chancellor. I don’t want to lose my feelings for Obi-Wan. I’m happy to love him. The flowers are an annoyance, yes, but I’d put up with them for the rest of my life to feel how I do for Obi-Wan.”
“Couldn’t they get worse?”
“No.” he replied simply, a strange vibration in the air telling him to leave it at that.
“Well, just in case, I really must insist that you remove them.”
“It's my choice, Chancellor, and I am happy with them exactly where they are now.”
“Surely, if they were to find out, the Jedi Council would make you remove them?”
“They couldn’t. It has to be a choice you make, otherwise they can’t be removed. I will never make that choice. No matter what ultimatum anyone gives me.”
He rose to his feet and nodded his head to the Chancellor. He would have been the picture of calm, were it not for his fist clenching the flower petals within it tightly.
“Now, please excuse me. I’m finding myself incredibly uncomfortable right now. I think I may benefit from being at home, surrounded by the Force and my fellow Jedi.”
He didn’t wait for Palpatine to reply, just twisted on his heels and strode from the office as quick as he could without seeming like he was running away.
How dare he try and order Anakin to remove his love for Obi-Wan. Had his powers truly gone to his head so much that he felt he could dictate Anakin’s entire life? Including his own personal, intimate feelings?
Anakin didn’t know what to think. All he knew was that he was going to avoid Palpatine for as long as physically possible. Loving Obi-Wan was his greatest comfort. Nothing would ever convince him to get rid of that love. Like he said, no matter the ultimatum, Obi-Wan would always be his choice.
Yoda:
Not long after his confrontation, and yes, he was labeling it a confrontation, with Palpatine, Anakin became more grateful for his Sahe’asai’ar Pae’ilei than he thought possible. Because without them, he’d have been completely desolate.
He almost was, despite them. He didn’t think anyone could blame him, either. He had watched the man he loved die. He had carried his cold, limp body in his arms. He had attended his funeral. He felt like his whole entire galaxy was crashing down around his head. He was drowning in sorrow and had forgotten how to swim.
Except, something was off. Obi-Wan had been gone for days now, and he had yet to cough up the full flower. Petals still came up, but the whole thing remained growing in his lungs. It shouldn’t be. He should have coughed it up when Obi-Wan died.
When the object of the Sahe’asai’ar Pae’ilei died, the flower died with them. Well, died wasn’t the correct term. The ailment died as the flower stopped growing and you coughed up the flower. Which, in itself, will never die. It remains a testament to that person and the love you will always have for them.
Anakin wanted nothing more than to have his. To place it in a shadow box. To hold it in his hands and pretend it was Obi-Wan one last time. He couldn’t though because the damn thing. Just. Wouldn't. Come.
It made no sense. The only explanation he could come up with was too desperate to truly think. He needed answers, and knew the only person who could, or would, give them to him. Master Yoda.
So he waited as patiently as he could outside of the Council Chambers for the Grandmaster to have a moment. That moment came much faster than he expected and was announced by Yoda’s walking stick striking his knees.
Anakin’s head shot up to meet the green Jed’s inquisitive eyes. Before he could say anything though, Yoda was speaking.
“Troubled, you are, young Skywalker.”
“I, yes, Master Yoda.”
“Grief, I expected to see.” he took a few steps closer to peer up into Anakin’s face. “Yet, confusion is all your eyes hold.”
“Master Yoda, may, may we talk?”
“Talking, we are.” an amused expression crossed his features for a brief moment before he added, “In private, you mean.”
“Yeah. Yeah, in private please.”
“Come.”
Anakin followed him into the Council Chambers and over to his seat. The small master wacked the chair next to him with his walking stick and nodded to Anakin. “Sit, you must. Speak only as Jedi, we will.”
He lowered himself into the seat in an almost trance. Yoda watched him as he did so and then questioned, “On your mind, what is?”
Anakin had never been good at subtlety and he wasn’t about to start now. So with no preamble he asked, “Is Obi-Wan alive?”
Yoda’s ears tilted and he hummed. “Ask this for a reason, do you?”
“Yes.”
“Share the reason, you will?”
He hesitated for only a small moment before telling Master Yoda everything. He didn’t care what consequences this brought. He had to know if Obi-Wan was alive. He had to.
“So,” he finished in a small voice. “Either I’m defective, or Obi-Wan is alive. I, I really hope it's the second option.”
Yoda continued to study him for a time and then gave a small nod. “Deceived, you were. Not Obi-Wan’s choice, it was.”
“So, so he’s alive?” Relief like Anakin had never felt before surged through him and his whole body practically sagged into the chair beneath him.
“Alive, Obi-Wan is. On mission, he is also.”
“Am I allowed to know more about this mission?” he asked in a soft voice. He didn’t care if he wasn’t. All he cared about is that Obi-Wan was alive.
“Include you, much of the Council wished. Agree, the Chancellor and some did not.”
“The Chancellor!” he exclaimed, causing Yoda’s head to tilt.
“Anger you, this does.”
“I’m sorry Master Yoda.” he allowed his shoulders to sag once more. “It does. The Chancellor knows of the Sahe’asai’ar Pae’ilei. He, he should have known what this would do to me.”
“Understand now, I do. Insisted your reaction would sell the act, he did. Deciding factor, his words were.”
Anakin grit his teeth and took a few deep breaths as he tried to give the anger those words filled him to the Force. When he finally managed to be fractionally more calm he asked, “What did you think?”
“Known of your strong feelings for Obi-Wan, I have.” Yoda admitted. “Your love, the Force shines with. Give you this pain, I did not agree with.”
His last statement would have made Anakin happy if he had the ability to pay attention to it. Instead, all of his focus was caught entirely on his first sentence and a bubbling fear began to fill him.
“You know?”
“Of your love, I did. Fear, you don’t need to feel.”
“But, but the Code….?”
“Bad, love is not, young Skywalker. Beautiful , love is. Surrounds us, it always does. To experience it, a wonderful thing.”
“I don’t understand.” he whispered, more confused than he had ever been.
“Old, I am.” he replied sagely. “Many years, I have seen. Many Orders. Many Councils. Many Codes. Perfect, they never are. Change, always in motion. Attachments as most see them,” he shook his head, “never forbidden.”
“That, that didn't clear anything up.”
Yoda gave him a pointed look and shook his head. “Not done, I was.”
“Oh. Sorry.”
“Many years ago, a young Jedi there was. Much like you, she was. Yet, darker she had always been. Fell in love, she did. Taken from her, he was.” Yoda’s ears drooped and he sighed. “Lost in anger and grief, she Fell. Kill many for revenge, she did. Forbid attachments, the Council did. Dangerous, they could become. Dangerous love is not, when know how to grieve without anger one does.”
He tapped Anakin’s knee with his stick. “Seek revenge for Master Kenobi’s death, have you?”
“No!”
“Wanted to, have you?”
Anakin didn't deny that as vehemently. He wished he could, but it would have been a lie. Instead, he sighed and nodded.
“I did. I thought about it. But I, I’ve felt that before. The all consuming living anger of vengeance. I, I hated it, Master. I never want to experience it again.”
“Hmmm. Wisdom, our experiences give us. Know the right path, you do. Faith, I have in you. Darkside, your love will not lead.”
“What?” he practically gasped, which caused Yoda to give an amused, wide smile.
“Surprised by this, you are?”
“I just, I’ve always thought you and the Council were afraid I’d Fall? That you saw me as closer to the Darkside because of the way I grew up. I thought you were so certain of it, that it's why I almost hadn’t been allowed to be a Jedi. That I was only allowed because it was Qui-Gon’s dying wish.”
Yoda’s ears drooped and he shook his head. “Wronged you, we have. Wrong impression, we gave.”
He lifted his stick and pressed it lightly to Anakin’s chest. “Good, this heart is.” he moved it to touch his forehead. “Smart, this mind is. A good Jedi, they make you. A better man, they make you. True to yourself, you stay. To the Darkside, you will never Fall.”
Anakin practically gaped at him, almost completely unable to comprehend what he was hearing. He didn’t want to question it, though. Couldn’t question it, for fear of receiving a different answer.
Instead, he nervously asked, “My love for Obi-Wan? What’s your advice on it? On all of this?”
“Tell him, I believe you should. Love you, Obi-Wan does.”
This time, Anakin knew he was gapping. His mouth fell open and he stared at the Grandmaster like he had truly gone nuts. “Master Yoda, no. He doesn’t, he doesn’t hold any sort of romantic love for me.”
This time, the walking stick touch to his head was much more of a wack. He gasped and rubbed the tender spot, shooting a betrayed look at the little gremlin who had hit him.
“What was that for!?”
“Willfully blind, you are, Skywalker. Much love, Obi-Wan holds for you. Romantic love, it is. Tell him, you should, when he returns.”
“How, how long will that be?”
“Hmm, potential for long time it has. Pretending to be his own killer, he is. Counting on you to capture him, the plan was. Surprisingly behind schedule, we are.”
“Wait, Obi-Wan is pretending to be the bounty hunter?!” he gasped and Yoda nodded.
“Correct, you are. Rako Hardeen, Obi-Wan is disguised as. Protect the Chancellor, his mission is.”
“And you all want me to hunt him down?”
“Hmm, counted on it, the Council did. Your anger, they wanted to use. Find him, you should still do. Tell him you know the truth, you must. Pained, this mission has caused him to be.. Lying to you, he protested greatly against.”
Anakin nodded almost instantaneously. “I can do that.” he hesitated and then added, “Thank you, Master Yoda.”
“Thank me for what, Knight Skywalker?”
“For listening. For telling me the truth. For understanding.”
Yoda tilted his head and then gave a soft, odd smile. “Fellow Jedi, we are. Compassion and understanding, we must always have. Thank me, you need not do.”
“Need to or not, I’m thankful. You’ve told me a lot of things I needed to hear.”
“Happy I am, to know you heard. Heed them, you should.”
He nodded in agreement. “Don’t worry, Master Yoda. I will.”
Obi-Wan:
He followed Yoda’s orders almost instantly and went hunting for “Rako Hardeen''. It didn’t take long to find him. Anakin would have been appalled, and likely enraged, by his carelessness and nonchalance after seemingly killing a Jedi Master had he not known the truth.
When he did arrest the bounty hunter, it was with glee. Not a drive for vengeance like most would think. He was excited to catch him, and it had nothing to do with the desire for his imprisonment. Nor were the words he whispered in his ear a threat. Instead, they were a softly uttered reassurance.
“When this is all over, Master, we have a lot to talk about. I promise I’m not angry though.”
Obi-Wan in his arms tensed for a flash of a second before he very briefly sagged against him. That fleeting touch was wonderful and Anakin wished it wouldn’t have to end. Especially not for it to end by Obi-Wan returning to his act of defiance. This farce of a mission truly couldn’t end soon enough.
When it finally did, Anakin was thrumming with excited energy. Palpatine was safe and now Obi-Wan could go back to being himself again. Not just his face could go back to normal, but his warm, wonderful Force presence as well.
It was that Force presence he followed to find his former master. He found him in the Halls of Healing, and thankfully his face was his again. Though, without any hair which was an incredibly odd sight. Anakin didn't care about his strangely bald appearance at all though. He was Obi-Wan again and Anakin could greet him in the way he desperately wanted to.
Which was to cross the room in large strides, lift his hands, place them on the sides of Obi-Wan’s face and kiss him soundly on the lips.
The older man froze for a short, incredibly terrifying, moment before he surged into the kiss. His hands lifted up to grip the front of Anakin’s tabards while his lips moved almost frantically against his. It was messy and more desperate than he had been aiming for, but it was also the single most amazing experience of his life.
When he pulled back from the kiss, he didn’t go far. Only enough so that he could stare into Obi-Wan’s gorgeously perfect wide eyes.
“I hope with everything I am that I’m not going to regret this, but I can’t keep it in anymore. I love you. I love you, Obi-Wan Kenobi, more than should be possible. When I thought you were dead, I felt like my own life had ended too. I hate regrets, and I regretted not telling you how much you mean to me. How much I love you.
“Even though I’m scared out of my kriffing mind, I can’t let there be a chance of that ever happening again. So I had to tell you, and I’m so sorry I did it by just kissing you like that! I shouldn’t have done it that way. And you absolutely don’t have to feel it too! You don’t have to feel anything, Obi-Wan. I just needed you to know.”
“Oh, my dearheart.” Obi-Wan lifted his hands to cup Anakin’s face between them. He stroked both his cheeks with his thumbs. An action which made Anakin realize he had never let go of the other man’s face himself. He moved to do so, but one of Obi-Wan’s hands shot over to keep it pressed to his cheek.
He left his one hand against the back of Anakin’s and leaned into his touch. “You don’t need to be sorry Anakin. In case you didn’t notice, I very eagerly kissed you back.”
He turned his head to press a kiss to the center of the palm against his face. “And of course I love you as well. More than even I can say. I am so sorry that I lied to you. I didn’t want to, you must know that.”
Anakin didn’t care about whatever else Obi-Wan was saying. All he cared about was that he was saying he loved Anakin in return.
“You, you love me?”
“With every fiber of my being.”
Anakin wanted to beam at him. He tried to beam at him. He didn’t get the chance though, because as soon as Obi-Wan uttered those words, he began to violently cough.
“Anakin!” Obi-Wan exclaimed, alarm exploding within their newly opened Force bond.
He shook his head and held up a hand while he covered his mouth with the other so he could catch the flower that he spit out.
When he finished coughing, one large, perfect Stewjoni prierose sat in the palm of his hands. The center was a soft orange which bled seamlessly into the pale pink of the outer edges. It was the most beautiful flower he had ever seen and he couldn’t stop staring at it.
He was jerked away from its beauty when Obi-Wan let out a shocked whisper of words Anakin didn’t know.
"Echoy’la Kar’ta Sarad.”
He looked into his eyes with a quizzical furrow between his own. He had heard the clones speak in Mando’a enough to recognize it, but he had never heard those words before.
“What?”
“The Mourning Hearts Bloom.” he replied, his voice still a shocked whisper.
The term may have been different, but it was immediately clear that Obi-Wan knew what this flower was. He gaped at him for an embarrassingly long time before gasping out, “You know what this is!?”
“Yes.” he said, still whispering. “Anakin, you, you have had them for me ? For how long?”
“They started after my knighting ceremony.” he replied almost as softly.
Obi-Wan gasped and reached out to cup his face once more. “Anakin, my heart, I wish you had told me much sooner. Your love was not unrequited for a single moment.”
This time it was Anakin’s turn to gasp. “You’ve loved me that long?”
“I realized I loved you when you came for me in Geonosis.” Obi-Wan admitted. “Dear one, you suffered so needlessly and I’m so sorry.”
“I was afraid,” he said quietly.
“Of me?”
He shrugged helplessly. “Of you being disgusted by me. Of you hating me. I knew the flower would kill me then, and I didn’t want to chance it.”
“I would never feel anything near disgust or hatred for you, Anakin.” Obi-Wan swore fiercely. “I also hope you would have removed them if they got that bad.”
“I would have never.”
“You didn’t even once think to?”
He shook his head. “Loving you is the best feeling I’ve ever experienced, Obi-Wan.” he told him firmly. “I didn’t even think to remove them when the Chancellor was practically ordering me to.”
Fury crossed over Obi-Wan’s features. “The Chancellor knew ? He was the reason we didn’t tell you about this mission!”
“Yeah, I had that reaction too.”
Obi-Wan gave a heavy sigh and moved a hand to the back of Anakin’s head while dropping the other to his waist. He then leaned his forehead to rest against Anakin’s. “I really am so very sorry I lied to you. I am so sorry you had to think me dead for even a moment.”
He wrapped the arm not delicately holding the flower around Obi-Wan’s waist and leaned into him. “I understand. I don’t like it and if I had found out today I’d probably be furious. Without you taking this mission though, I don’t know if I’d ever have been brave enough to tell you the truth.”
“Small pieces of beauty in an ugly situation.” Obi-Wan stated gently. “Still, I hope you can forgive me, dear one.”
“I have you in my arms.” Anakin replied just as softly. “You’re here . You love me. There is nothing to forgive. As long as you don’t leave me like that again.”
“Never.” Obi-Wan swore fervently. “You will never go through something like that again. I’ll go against the Council if I must.”
“Truly?”
“Of course.” he lifted his head and pressed a warm kiss to Anakin’s forehead. “I won’t let anyone cause you that pain ever again, certainly not myself. I love you. So very much, Anakin.”
This time, Anakin could beam and he didn’t hesitate to do so. “I love you too, Obi-Wan.”