Chapter Text
“What happened to you?” you say, barely more than a whisper to the person standing in front of you.
Looking before you at the boy who was so familiar, yet completely foreign was like returning to your hometown after many years, only to find that all the buildings had been torn apart and slightly remodeled. Familiar, yet entirely new.
You peek up at Eren, attempting to get a better look at him. He was much taller than he used to be, with toned muscles that only added to his bulk. He had let his hair grow out, although whether or not this was a fashion statement or just a lack of care was beyond you.
But the worst change about your ex standing before you were his eyes. Those green eyes that you had always adored were nothing but a vague shell of what they used to be. All the light they used to contain was gone; lost to the past few years of coming to terms with the truth behind this world. You knew Eren had been through a lot, you only wished that he had depended and leaned on you more.
Everything had changed between the two of you when the Scouts returned from Shiganshina. Only nine of them had survived, but the mission to reclaim Wall Maria had been successful, nonetheless. You would have been there too, if it hadn’t been thanks to a painful tear in your leg muscle, keeping you safe, yet rendering you useless at the same time. Each of them had been granted a medal of recognition from Queen Historia. But when it was Eren’s turn to receive his medal, something strange happened. Even sitting in the crowd, you could tell something was wrong. He held onto Historia’s hand for an unnatural amount of time. Although he was facing away from you and the rest of the audience, you still noticed the tensing of his back and how his hand was shaking slightly.
You watched Mikasa, who had been next to Eren turn to him and whisper something. Besides you, Mikasa was the only other person to ever truly understand Eren. Now she could hardly even meet his eyes. It hurt you to know that Eren was affecting everyone around him, not just you. Mikasa had been the closest person to him before you came around, and it was difficult to see him push away those he claimed to care about.
His lifeless eyes met yours before he spoke.
“I’m trying to save the world Y/N. And I’m doing whatever needs to be done to do so. Nothing more.”
You cast your eyes downwards, unable to maintain contact. “Is this really saving the world, Eren? You’ve killed so many people. Innocent people.”
“No Marleyeans are innocent,” Eren growled, causing you to shrink back a little. “How can they be innocent when each and every one of them helps perpetuate the treatment of Eldians, huh? A bystander is just as bad as those committing the crime. They have the power to end this war, but they choose to do nothing. So don’t tell me they’re innocent, because they’re not.”
You stare at Eren, not saying anything because you don’t know how to reply to that. There is some truth behind his words, but they’re too straightforward, something an elementary kid might say. People simply aren’t that black and white. If there is one thing you have learned about this world, it’s that no one is entirely good or bad. You think back to Paradis, the island you both grew up on. There were plenty of horrible people who lived there, yet Eren was doing whatever it might take to save them.
“If that’s what you truly believe, then I’m not sure I can help you.” You manage to reply after a few moments of harsh silence. Eren looks at you, a sudden flash of something in his eyes that you can’t quite pinpoint.
You take a step back, thinking about everything you were about to leave behind. All the memories shared together. The first time you met him, remembering how irritating you thought he had been. Too aggressive and loud about wanting to join the scouts. You just couldn’t understand why he was so desperate to throw away his life so easily.
After Trost had been breached and you learned from Armin that Eren had been eaten by a titan, you were surprised by the rush of anger and hurt you felt, ironically making you realize your true feelings for him. He wasn’t aggressive—he was passionate. He cared deeply for those he loved and would do anything for them if it meant they would be safe from harm. Guess nothing has truly changed.
When he eventually emerged from his titan form for the first time, your initial feeling was an overwhelming sense of relief that he wasn’t actually dead. You rushed to his side, next to Armin and Mikasa and cried, not out of sadness but a mixture of happiness, relief, and exhaustion.
The next day, you didn’t have to think twice about joining the Scouts. You couldn’t bear to lose Eren ever again, even if it meant journeying out into titan infested lands instead of staying (somewhat) safe inside the walls.
After joining the scouts, it was a while before you were able to see Eren again since he had been placed immediately in Captain Levi’s squad. But when the group of new recruits were finally brought out to the scout headquarters, you couldn’t forget the look on Eren’s face after seeing you all.
After that, the two of you only became closer. You remembered when Eren had first told you he liked you more than just a friend, his face turning unnaturally red and the way he had been stumbling over his sentences the entire time. The words you had been planning to say were now coming from him, beating you to it. Your chest burned with delight as you admitted you felt the same about him.
After that, the two of you were barely seen apart. Eren was slightly more adventurous than you and was always trying to get you out of your comfort zone. Once, when you were simply completing the chores that Captain Levi had assigned you, it had started to pour down rain, soaking you both to the bone in an instant. You remember how irritated you were that you hadn’t even gotten a chance to find shelter before the skies parted upon you, but Eren didn’t seem to mind.
“Y/N, take my hand,” Eren said.
“What? Why?” You asked suspiciously.
“Just do it, I have an idea.”
Narrowing your eyes, you tentatively held out your hand for Eren to take. All of a sudden, you were pulled forward, spun sharply, and then knocked into Eren’s chest.
“Eren Jaeger, did you just spin me?” You asked, amused. He was grinning when you looked at him.
“Maybe. Wanna do it again?”
You giggled and nodded, now seeing where this was going. The two of you danced in the rain together, laughing and realizing how ridiculous you both probably looked, not caring that Captain Levi would most likely be livid that you had abandoned your chore assignments.
After a few minutes, you had to stop because you were getting dizzy. You clutched onto Eren’s shoulders to steady yourself. He stared down at you, no longer laughing or smiling.
“Are you okay?” You asked him. He didn’t say anything. Instead he bent down and kissed you. Your eyes widened for moment as your brain registered what was happening. This was your first kiss and you weren’t quite sure how to act. You were still clinging to his shoulders so you loosened your grip and wrapped your arms around his neck. You smiled slightly into the kiss as you slowly started to get the hang of what to do.
After a few moments, you pulled apart and he rested his forehead on yours.
“We should get back to our work. Otherwise Captain Levi will mad.” You whispered.
“He probably already is. That is to say, I don’t think he’s ever not mad.” Eren replied.
After that, whenever it rained, the two of you made a point to steal away for a few moments to dance and forget about the world you lived in.
Now, staring at Eren before you, a few fat drops were beginning to fall. It was at this moment that you truly realized that you had lost that Eren. You would never dance and kiss in the rain again. Never confide you secrets and worries to him. Never play with his hair as he fell asleep on your lap. And worst of all, never look into those green eyes again and know that they were yours.
“Goodbye, Eren.” You say one last time as the world around you breaks apart, leaving you with nothing but pain and regret.