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If he is being truthful to himself Jeno always knew since the beginning that he liked Renjun more than a friend should. Renjun with his sensitive heart and out of box thoughts, the way he sees the world always fascinated him.
The society around him thought that since he is a man he is expected to be strong and not show his vulnerabilities to the world. He is expected to be how the society expects him to be, be obedient, listen to the elders well, make money, when he is done being an idol marry a girl and settle down. While he has no problem with all the other things, he doesn’t have any desire to marry or be in any sort of romantic relationship for the matter.
But he can’t say this out loud though. If he were to say he has no interest in anyone, the society will not view upon him nicely. He will be branded as a psychologically affected person and may even be subjected to those immoral therapies to make him ‘normal’.
So now even though he is in his mid twenties, he never found a girlfriend or never shown any interest in anyone romantically. He was questioned regarding this by his family and friends on several occasions. His only excuse was that he is busy and he doesn’t want any distractions right now and that he’ll think about them when time comes. His work as idol is helping him escape them right now but he knows he can’t use that for long. Obviously once his contract with SM is over, he has to return to his normal life and find other things to do. He is dreading that day.
Once he tried to discreetly tell his family about his disinterest in relationships, the reaction was instantaneously negative. So he entirely gave up trying to communicate to them regarding that issue. He has to serve in military soon, so he decides to talk to them again after his service is over. Hopefully by then, he will get a clear idea of what he is going to do in the future once all this is over and convince his parents too.
In all of his life, if he is sure about one thing it is that he likes the company of his fellow members. They were with him throughout his childhood and now his adulthood too. They had been going strong for a decade. Though he never explicitly told them about him, Jeno feels like they know about him and had always been supportive of him. They helped him avoid awkward confrontations with people he is not familiar with whenever possible and give him enough affection to last for life. So he is very grateful for them.
Among everyone, one star eyed person had always been his source of comfort. The boy with bright eyes and soft voice; the one who offered him comfort in discreet ways and subtly pushing him to pursue his interests with soft words and harsh jabs is Renjun. He was the only person Jeno ever had interest in; the elder’s beautiful mind is what made him interesting. But as they grew together and learnt more about each other, Jeno began to like all of him and comfort he offers. With Renjun even doing nothing at all, just basking in silence felt comfortable.
“Hey! Want to go grab dinner? I’m paying” Renjun drags him out of his bed excitedly. Jeno being his clumsy self hits his does to foot of the bed and yelps rubbing his foot. Renjun laughs at him and calls him stupid in that soft voice, which is laced with affection and helps him stand properly. Then they go off to wherever Renjun is taking them.
His greatest comfort is his greatest fear too. Once they are no longer idols and has to go separate ways, he doesn’t know how he is going to cope up. So he takes whatever he can now and be happy with it. If ever he builds up courage, he will take a chance and tell the smaller about how he feels. For now it is enough.