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Sousuke's lips tasted sweet. This was the first thought that flittered through Ai's frozen brain as his senpai's mouth planted firmly against his own. Ai's eyes closed as an inborn response and his lips parted by the smallest of margins - to object or to invite Sousuke in, he wasn't sure which - and aside from the mysterious sweetness that overwhelmed his senses he caught a hint of chlorine and pool water. Sousuke hadn't even given him a chance to dry off before trapping him against the lockers.
It was a tame kiss, chaste, lacking aggression or possessiveness. When Sousuke pulled away, offering Ai a criminally aloof grin as if he hadn't just done what he had most definitely done, Ai could only stare, his heart hammering painfully against his ribs.
"Good work tonight."
At first Ai wondered if he was being teased, but soon realized no - there was fondness in Sousuke's voice - and oh god - Yamazaki-senpai actually just kissed me what the hell do I do.
Ai's mouth hung open, his face positively crimson and still beaded with pool water. He couldn't claim that he was a particularly articulate person, in fact, most things he wanted to say tended to come out wrong or he would simply resign to silence; right now, he had no words.
For a fleeting moment Ai realized he was not 100% certain that they were alone in the lockers, and a wild fear gripped him. Did anyone see that? If someone saw, how fast would the rumors circulate? How quickly would they reach Rin? Through the panic Ai managed to focus on the ringing silence that was screaming in his ears. No, they were alone. That's right; Sousuke had been coaching him late. Everyone else was either asleep or in their rooms.
Sousuke was still very close to him, watching his face seemingly for a reaction. His smile was vaguely apologetic, his eyes sweeping downward and finding the floor. There was a towel slung over his broad shoulders even though he hadn't touched the water tonight, and his Samezuka jacket hung off of his large frame as he leaned forward, one hand splayed on the locker behind Ai's head for balance. Sousuke was so much taller than him, he'd had to lean over this much just to kiss him. Ai felt a new wave of embarrassment hit him like a wall at the thought.
"Hey, I'm sorry… I didn't mean to surprise you so much. You were just so cute, I couldn't help it."
What? What? Who was this person? Sousuke was by no means a bad person or someone who was incapable of emoting; it had taken Ai a while to understand Sousuke's dry sense of humor, and even longer to recognize when Sousuke was being friendly or paying him a compliment, but the words he was saying at the moment weren't making any sense. Ai felt like his brain was tied up in wires, tripping over itself, unable to stand upright. His body felt similarly.
"I - I…. Uhh, uhm…" Ai mentally smacked himself for the nonsense that was tumbling from his lips. "I'm not… Ahh, that is, Yamazaki-senpai, I didn't know that you were… G… G- Ga-"
Sousuke's brows shot above his fringe, but fortunately a smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. "Not the first words I would have expected you to say, honestly."
"S- sorry," Ai still felt like his brain had been put on stand-by.
"Should I not have done that?" Sousuke asked, his face still close, his voice low and strangely intimate. Ai felt a fresh bloom of pink on his cheeks.
"It - It's not that, exactly," Ai said, averting his eyes. He realized suddenly that he had not yet changed into his clothes, and had never felt more self-conscious about standing around in his swimming jammers. "I'm just… Kind of surprised?"
"Oh?" Sousuke looked uncharacteristically imploring.
Ai still couldn't bring himself to directly look at his senpai. "I wasn't expecting it at all. I didn't think… That you..." Ai couldn't find it in him to continue that train of thought. He wasn't in the habit of being presumptuous, and he certainly wasn't in the habit of assuming people liked him. "Do you… Kiss other people like that?" Horrified at his own question - which had sounded much better in his head, he realized in hindsight - Ai desperately waved his hands, nearly smacking Sousuke in the face. "What I meant is, it's totally fine if you do! It really isn't any of my business, is it? It's just that I understand if that's the way it is, and if it is, I don't think it's that big of a deal and I won't think about it any further than-"
"Do you not want it to be a big deal?" Sousuke asked again, standing upright, the gesture intimidating though his demeanor hadn't changed. His voice was gentle but earnest, making the bottom of Ai's stomach swim with guilt.
"It isn't that, I just mean-"
"I don't kiss just anyone," Sousuke said firmly. Ai's mouth clamped shut, the words lost to him again as his heart thumped quickly in his chest. "I'm not casual about affection. If I kiss someone, it's because I really wanted to."
More nonsensical words that Ai couldn't understand. For a long while Sousuke intimidated him without even trying - his mere presence made the hair on the back of his neck stand up more often than not - and even when Sousuke had offered to coach him several weeks ago, he always conducted himself professionally, always calm, always cold. It wasn't that Sousuke was unfeeling or scary. He showed emotions differently than other people. It had taken Ai so long to get accustomed to Rin's fluctuating (and sometimes explosive) emotional disposition that meeting Sousuke - the emotional opposite of Rin, some might argue - was more jarring than it was off-putting.
It was true that over the last few weeks Ai had gotten to see more sides to Sousuke than he'd expected to see. During their late-night sessions, Sousuke was smiling more, and jokes were coming easier. Sousuke always ensured that Ai took breaks amidst the regimens, and instead of the awkward silences that used to fill the time, the two of them could talk now with some semblance of ease.
Still… He had never seen Sousuke act as natural as he did with Rin. When Rin was around, it was as if every defense Sousuke held immediately dropped. Ai couldn't help but be jealous of their relationship. He'd tried so hard to support Rin the previous year when he was experiencing hardships, and even though it had all worked out in the end, he hadn't been any help to Rin at all. Haruka and the others saved him from himself. He felt fortunate that Rin could call him a friend after everything was said and done, but then Sousuke had showed up to remind him that he could never get close enough to Rin to see every side to him. Without even trying, Sousuke understood Rin better than he did.
He never blamed Sousuke for that, or Haruka or anyone else, but it left him feeling outstandingly inadequate.
Yet somehow, here was Sousuke, kissing him and telling him on no uncertain terms that he was interested in him. In him. How could that be possible? What could he possibly possess that Sousuke would find at all appealing?
"But… But Rin-senpai…" Ai said, before he could stop himself.
"What about Rin?"
"Well…"
"This isn't about Rin," Sousuke said gently.
Ai couldn't believe what he was hearing. If Sousuke was at all interested in men, wouldn't that basically make Rin his soul mate? Wasn't that much obvious?
Sousuke sighed deeply, raking his fingers through his short hair. "You're having a hard time figuring this out, so I'll speak bluntly. I like you." he said, and Ai's eyes went wide and swept up to meet Sousuke's for the first time since they'd started talking. He stared, lips parted, frozen. "This isn't about Rin or anyone else. I'm not saying you have to like me back, or give me any kind of answer. I just thought you should know."
A million things he wanted to say whirled around in Ai's head, spanning from awkward thank-yous to completely off-topic conversation to distract from the fact that his heart had just done a literal cartwheel in his chest. What came out instead was:
"Why?"
Sousuke blinked at him. "...Why?"
"Why me?" Ai rectified, staring into Sousuke's eyes with purpose. He hadn't even realized how self-deprecating his question was until he saw Sousuke's expression soften with what looked like worry. "I'm not special or anything… I was practically the slowest swimmer on the team, and if it weren't for your help I doubt I'd be making any kind of improvement… I'm not really good-looking and I'm not especially smart or skilled at anything… So… Why like me?"
His question was earnest and honest. He couldn't believe it. No one had ever told him that they liked him like this before, and he always suspected it would never happen.
Sousuke bent over again, the closeness causing Ai's vision to swim and his heart to leap into his throat.
"The only thing I think you're terrible at is having confidence," Sousuke said accusingly. "Do you really think I would be bothering if I didn't see any potential in you? Do you think I would be telling you I liked you if I didn't think you were someone special?"
Ai watched Sousuke's mouth produce words as if lost in a trance. He never thought Sousuke felt that way. He always assumed Sousuke had offered to help coach him because he felt sorry for him, not because he had any actual faith in him.
"I - I…" For some reason Ai felt tears glaze over his vision and sought to blink them away. He felt guilty for having said all of that, foolish for having forced Sousuke to explain himself, and ridiculously happy that Sousuke thought he was someone special. All at once, it was like his feelings were overflowing.
Sousuke smiled again, dark emerald eyes unnaturally warm. He placed a hand on Ai's head, fingers slipping into his damp silver hair. "I don't want to hear you talk about yourself like that again. If I have to get Rin to help remind you of that stuff too, I will. That would probably mean more to you, right?"
Ai nearly stopped breathing. Alongside the euphoria he felt, guilt reared up again. " That's… It means a lot coming from you, Yamazaki-senpai…" He cast Sousuke a side-long glance. "You… Know? That I like him…?"
Sousuke laughed through his nose and stood up again, his warm hand leaving Ai's hair. "Yeah. I knew you liked Rin and I still decided to tell you, even though I figured I would get rejected."
The response center of Ai's brain had shut down, leaving the boy staring at his senpai in a stunned silence. After some time, he averted his eyes, staring at the floor. Water was pooled around his feet, and he was starting to get cold, but he remained paralyzed, too distracted by everything else to worry about his current physical discomfort.
"That doesn't… Bother you? Me liking Rin-senpai?"
"No," Sousuke answered without hesitation. "I like him too."
Ai looked up in new-found surprise, and perhaps a dash of disappointment. "You…? Then… What you said…"
"Was completely true," Sousuke finished for him easily. "You can like more than one person. I told you, this isn't about Rin."
Ai held Sousuke's gaze for longer than he thought he was capable. Any hint of jealousy he felt was flung away at Sousuke's words. He couldn't be a hypocrite. He had always liked Rin. His feelings for Rin may have even tripped into love territory at some point. Even so, when Sousuke leaned in to peck his lips, Ai hadn't pushed him away. He wasn't an idiot. He knew what had been about to happen, despite how surprised he'd felt and how naive he unintentionally came off. He'd wanted him to. For a frozen slice of time, he'd wanted to know what kissing Yamazaki Sousuke was like. Even though he liked Rin, he'd done something like that.
You can like more than one person. He had never thought of it like that before, but he supposed it was true. He and Rin weren't dating, they weren't anything but friends. He was certain he wasn't 'settling', either. He liked Sousuke, too. He knew he did. It was impossible not to. His chest wouldn't be so suffocatingly tight if he didn't.
"Yamazaki-senpai."
"Hm?"
His heart beating so fast he thought he might have a stroke, Ai grabbed the front of Sousuke's jacket in his fist and pulled the taller man closer to him. Sousuke looked surprised but allowed it, again resting his hand on the lockers behind them so that he wouldn't careen into Ai's face.
The silver-haired boy felt dizzy as he pushed his mouth against Sousuke's, his face on fire from embarrassment. Momentarily unsure if what he'd just done was acceptable, Ai's lips froze uncertainly over Sousuke's until the taller began slowly and invitingly moving his mouth against Ai's, guiding him with his lips. A rush of relief overcame Ai that was immediately squashed with excitement and perhaps a dash of longing. Kissing Sousuke was thrilling. Every inch of Ai's body was buzzing as he responded to Sousuke's hot mouth, his movements inexperienced but eager to learn.
Sousuke's hand moved behind Ai's head and slipped into his wet hair, stirring the wild butterflies gone amok in the boy's stomach. As Sousuke closed the distance between their bodies by gently guiding Ai against the lockers, Ai instinctively twined his arms around his senpai's neck, their kissing gaining feverish tenacity. The heat radiating off of Sousuke's larger body made Ai tremble. Experimentally the boy tilted his head and opened his mouth; Sousuke's slick tongue eagerly filled the gap, plunging into Ai's welcoming warmth, licking his tongue.
Surprised by the sensation and finding himself too aroused by their necking to forget the fact that he was still wearing his constricting swimming jammers, Ai inadvertently loosened his arms, whimpering into his senpai's mouth. Perhaps fearing he'd gone too far, Sousuke slowly pulled away; Ai took a grateful gulp of air, his eyes fluttering open, his mind a haze.
"Sorry," Sousuke offered, his chest rising and falling in time with the pounding in Ai's ears. Ai hazily wondered if Sousuke was as turned on as he was.
"Don't apologize, I wanted to do that," Ai admitted. "I'm still just not really used to it."
A trickle of water ran down Ai's face, his hair still regrettably damp from the pool; Sousuke pulled the towel hanging uselessly around his neck and gently wiped Ai's face with it before covering the boy's head and rubbing the towel through his hair.
"You still haven't dried off yet… Sorry for that. I guess I chose a pretty shitty time to spring all of this on you, huh?" he chuckled, though it was vaguely humorless.
Ai closed his eyes as Sousuke towel-dried his hair, chewing on his bottom lip. As the haze of arousal lifted and his clarity returned to him, he felt impatient words perched on the edge of his tongue.
"I- I like you too!" Ai said, perhaps a bit louder than was necessary. Sousuke's hands halted in their endeavor. "I'm sorry for everything I said… I wasn't really thinking clearly, so…" Honestly he still wasn't thinking clearly, not at all, but his feelings felt much more sorted out and categorized, at least. It was a start. "I just couldn't believe… that you liked me…"
Sousuke lifted the towel, uncovering the boy's earnest ice-blue eyes, rose-dusted cheeks and newly tousled hair. Letting the cloth fall around Ai's neck, Sousuke smiled.
"Well, I meant what I said. I don't just kiss anyone." His smile disappeared as if swept away by a sudden thought. "Was I your first kiss?" he asked bluntly.
Ai absently rubbed the towel through his hair, eyes cast elsewhere in embarrassment. "Y- yes,"
"I see," Sousuke said, eyes rolling upward in consideration. He glanced down at his kohai wearing a mildly curious expression. "Any regrets?"
In the last ten minutes Ai had thought up a lot of words to describe how he was feeling, but regret was not among them. Accidentally letting the towel slip out of his hand, Ai shook his head, terrified he had somehow given Sousuke the wrong impression. "No! I don't regret it at all, I-"
"Good," Sousuke put in, tilting Ai's chin up to meet his mouth in another kiss much like their first, quick and sweet, but addicting in its own right. "From now on, you can kiss me whenever you feel like it."
Such an invitation was thoroughly unexpected but equally appreciated, though Ai wasn't too sure he could summon enough courage on a regular basis to kiss Sousuke with the level of spontaneity he'd just achieved. He'd sure as hell try, though.
Looking down at his hands, Ai fidgeted awkwardly. "Does this mean that you- that we- I mean, the two of us, are we…?"
Sousuke slipped a hand into Ai's messy damp hair, absentmindedly fixing it. "What kind of movies do you like?" he asked, gaining Ai's wide-eyed attention.
"Huh?"
"Movies. If I'm taking you to a movie, you'll have to tell me what sorts of movies you like. Favorite foods, too, since we'll probably want to eat after, right?"
Ai was overcome with the strangest mixture of excitement and embarrassment. The prospect of properly dating his senpai was still setting in, and altogether it felt overwhelming in the most wonderful way.
In lieu of responding in the way of words, Ai pulled Sousuke down by his collar and kissed him again. Maybe kissing had nothing to do with courage, after all. Quite the opposite. It seemed to be more about weakness, and Yamazaki Sousuke made him weak.