Work Text:
The two of them stays in one apartment but only comes home during weekends due to their packed schedules. But ever since the war has been declared, they both have to stay home for safety. They have been together for almost 10 years but it was their first time being together 24/7, it has always been 24/2 so they weren't used to it...yet.
Felix was feeling something different about this war thing going on. They have been for months now, but he was feeling sketchy. He and Chris got a lot closer in those months but he doesn't want to get too attached to him, especially when last weeks newspaper said that they will be recruiting men for military training for more back-up.
He said fuck it and decided to write whatever he's feeling right now on some sheet of paper he found laying on his desk to release stress. He started writing down all his stress ever since he started college so that he can make it into a novel someday.
after eating dinner, Lix reminded Chris that it was his turn to wash the dishes in case he forgot. Lix has been doing it for 3 days straight already because Chris kept on forgetting...he just lets it slide, he loves Chris anyways, what CAN he do?
"be right there lix, I'll rinse first." he shouted from the bathroom.
"Thank you! I'll go in the room first hyung, just call me when you need me." he shouted back.
With that, Felix went in their room and started writing.
After taking a quick shower, Chris went out and started doing the dishes, making it clean as possible to make up the days where he made Felix do it because he forgot. He feels truly sorry for Felix even though its not much of a big deal to the younger.
After doing the dishes, he proceeds to fix the living room, since he can't buy anything for Felix because of the fear of getting shot, this is the least he can do. It took him about almost two hours to do, he made the living room spotless, not a single dust detected yet he was still as clean as the room. He didn't want to wash up again so he really tried his best to keep himself clean while cleaning very dusty areas at the same time which indeed, succeeded.
He went in their room quietly to surprise Felix but he saw the boy sleeping, his head resting on his table, Chris thought it was adorable, he thought that Felix was adorable.
He went near Felix' table to see what he was writing he looked at Felix with very teary eyes, he couldn't even see his love, he felt like the bad guy at that moment for not talking to the younger whenever he heard him sob so late at night. It felt so wrong to just listen to those and not stand up and comfort him.
you see, sometimes you can trust a person, and then, when things are down, they forget about you. reading that sentence felt like he was arrowed to the heart over a hundred times.
He wiped his tears and carefully carried Felix to the bed to make him more comfortable. He then took the paper, folded it and placed it in his pocket. After that, he lied down beside the younger and looked at him while tears were continuously rolling down his face. He didn't want to let go of him anymore.
Chris kept saying the sweetest words to the sleeping blonde boy who he didn't know, was listening to him the whole time. All those things he said for the past hour was so many he could make two novels with those words.
At the and of the night, Chris just pulled sleeping Felix in for a hug, a tight but warm hug. Not too tight, it felt like home, it felt like entering a new house, meeting someone you haven't seen in a long time, listening to your comfort song in your lowest times...Chris' hug felt like all of those to Felix, but the latter had no idea he made Felix feel all those emotions in just one hug.
The next morning went on like usual, Felix making breakfast, Chris waking up to it and giving felix the "every morning back hug while making pancakes" and of course, eating it together. Both happy on the outside, but worried in the inside.
The two of them had a lot of "What-ifs" filling up their thoughts. Like, "what if they won't be able to say goodbye to each other?", "what if they'll be forced to be separated?", "what if they don't see each other again?", what if this, what if that...it just bothers them, especially at night, That's when they're worried most about each other. Like, "what if one wakes up without the other beside them?", thoughts like that. It's really scary, scarier than what you think. They'll have to deal with hearing gunshots, screaming and bombs from far away to just next door.
They want to die together.
They don't care how, but as long as they're in each other's arms.
Anxiety growing within everyday, Felix just uses writing as a coping mechanism while Chris now uses cleaning as a distraction to not be too worried.
It's hard to love, most especially when you get too attached to it or them.
Losing someone or something that you are attached to hurts so much. You won't be able to get out of that hole of darkness from missing them more as time goes by.
It's tiring.
I'm just afraid if I do trust someone, I'll get my heart broken. a line from what Felix' wrote the other day.
He doesn't want to give all his trust to someone who might just leave him, again.
He doesn't want to experience what happened to him and Jisung again. But he trusts Chris...And that was what exactly went wrong before, Felix trusted Han too much he didn't know that he was already dating another guy, Minho, the same time he gave Han all his trust. If Felix didn't see him holding hands with Minho that time at the time square, he would've still be with Han, looking like a dog trying to catch its tail, how much of a fool that would've looked like...
Chris is different. He knows Chris, He's everything, He's the man, he's the one, Felix' sure about that.
The rest of the day passed by quickly, it was time to sleep. As usual, Felix writes before sleeping, but this time it was different, it was a letter to Chris.
They both talked about writing each other letters then read it to one another after 30 minutes. And now they're doing it. Felix was doing it on his desk, while Chris was doing it in their bedroom's side table.
After 30 minutes, they faced each other and smiled.
"ready?" Felix asked.
Chris nodded. "so, who's first?" He asked.
"rock paper scissors!" the younger suddenly exclaimed. And as expected, the ne who never loses in this game, Felix, won.
"no crying, okay?" Felix said jokingly.
"why would I cry anyways?" Chris confidently said.
My dear Chris hyung,
This is Felix, First of all, I would like to thank you, thank you for everything. Thank you for staying with me through wins and loses, highs and lows, ups and downs, side by side...just kidding! anyways, you get it. College was hell and thank you for helping me make it out of there. You really changed my life. I said that I won't trust anyone anymore after me and...you know who. But you, I know that you can be trusted, so here I am, I gave my trust to you, hoping that you wouldn't betray me so thank you, for not doing that. Thank you for taking care of me even if I didn't need taking care of. Aside from my family of course, You are and will always be the reason why I'm still here, alive. If it weren't for you, I would've ended myself during 2nd year in uni. Thank you for always being there, even if you don't say a word, I know I'm home when I'm with you. I still have a lot of things to say but I'll end it here with a sorry. Sorry for not telling you how scared I am, I know that you read what I wrote last night and I heard everything you said to me. I'm sorry for not telling you about that. I'll now end it here, Please know that I love you with all my heart.
Your loving sunshine,
Felix.
Felix folds his paper and sees Chris, crying.
''I told you no crying...''
''I know...I just couldn't help it...im sorry''
The younger pulls Chris into a hug. It lasted for a good three minutes and it was his turn to read his letter.
Chris clears his throat and started reading.
To my one and only, Felix.
I'm sorry hyung can't say much, so this'll be my goodbye letter to you. I love you so much my favorite blonde boy, my favorite writer, my favorite cook, my favorite boy, my favorite everything. I'm sorry for pretending to be brave all these years, I just wanted to do that because I'm the hyung. But deep inside I'm just Christopher who has a weak spot for Felix and is very fragile. I'm sorry I couldn't get the chance to cook for you. In another lifetime, maybe? I hope I still meet you in my next life. I can't believe I'm saying this but, Lee Yongbok Felix, Goodbye. Hyung will continue to love you even if you don't anymore. Just one last request, can we cuddle in our sleep later? if yes then thank you, if not then can I at least kiss you for the last time? if its still a no then, just let me sleep beside you, like always. I love you always my sunshine, just keep on shining.
Your loving hyung,
Chris.
''hyung...what was that supposed to mean?'' Felix asked, he was confused about the entire letter.
Chris stayed silent.
---
rewind 40 minutes ago, while they were writing their letters, Chris saw someone on the roof of the other building, he couldn't see that well but from what his eyes could picture, it was an enemy spying on them for some reason...he felt sketchy but he just tried to continue writing his letter but when he took a look again, he saw the person holding some type of gun and pointing it directly at their room window.
Finally realizing what was gonna happen, he discarded the paper he was writing on and wrote a goodbye letter on a new one.
---
"...it's ok if you don't tell hyung, I trust you. How about we sleep now, and fulfil your request?'' Felix spoke up after a solid minute of silence.
"Sure." Chris smiled.
They both got ready for bed and of course, cuddled each other to sleep.
Chris looked at the window and he was right, the moment he glanced at the glass, the soldier shoot their shot and aimed for Felix first.
Chris saw the bullet crash into the window and went straight in the blonde's head, making it bleed and of course, dead.
He started to cry, he couldn't believe the only person who stayed with him the longest, left him in front of his face. He didn't know what to do so he just hugged Felix as tight as a baby holding on to its favorite plushie.
"I'm sorry Lix, I'm sorry I didn't tell you what I saw..."
moments after, Chris was also shot to death.
They're what ifs are finally gone, they did die together, they didn't get separated from each other and so on...They were assassinated, together. But only one knew.
Turns out Felix was originally the only target because they plan to kill all writers and historians. But seeing that Felix has someone with him, Chris, They decided to shoot him as well to make sure none of Felix' works would be spread out.