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It was bad enough that I was born as a Sour Patch Kid.
It was worse that I ended up stuck to another one somewhere between falling into a box in the factory, and being picked up off the shelf to be bought.
And worst of all was that the other Sour Patch Kid I was stuck to, by some miserable coincidence, just happened to be my worst enemy.
"Goddammit, Neil!" I cursed, struggling to free myself from the seemingly unbreakable sugary bond between myself and the other Sour Patch Kid. "You just had to be next to me in the box when we were all jostled together, didn't you!"
"Shut up," spat Neil. "If you hadn't panicked and clung to everyone around you like a little sissy when the box was tilted, we might not be in this mess." God, his voice was obnoxious. You know how characters desperately in love say that they could 'lose themselves in someone's voice'? Well, I was the opposite of lost. I was found. Ready to be found at any place that was not here.
I struggled and kicked, but it appeared that I was stuck hopelessly.
"Help!" I cried.
"What do you expect them to do?" Neil snapped, as the other Sour Patch Kids crowded around us curiously. "We don't have arms, Gerald."
"Well, do you have any better suggestions?"
"I might if you'd just shut up and let me think!"
"Hmph," I said. If I'd had arms, I would have folded them.
Neil was quiet for a few minutes, while I squirmed in increasing impatience.
"Got any ideas?" I asked when I couldn't stand it anymore.
"No! Shut up!"
"Well, unless you're gonna come up with something soon-"
I was cut off by the commotion of 20 other Sour Patch Kids as the box started to tilt. We all slid against the far wall.
"Mmph," Neil said. "You're squishing me."
"Oh, I am so sorry," I said. "Here, let me just get off of you- OH WAIT. THAT'S RIGHT. I CAN'T."
"Will you shut up, this is at least as much your fault as it is mine! Scratch that, it's all your fault!"
I was about to retort, but I heard a great tearing sound from above, and the box was flooded with light.
"This is it!" I gasped. "It's happening! We're about to meet our true destiny - to ascend into the mouths of the great Humans, where we will no longer be confined to a simple box but will have eternal life and happiness. I bet that in that life, we will no longer be joined together. We will be free! Free!"
"It's coming," breathed Neil, for once not having any sarcastic remark to make in response. "Soon I will be freed from this miserable situation, stuck to you like this."
We watched as a great Finger descended into the box and three of our lucky comrades were plucked out from among us.
"Farewell!" we chorused as they were raised towards the surface.
Two more were raised, then another three. Finally, I felt myself being grasped and lifted upwards, Neil of course still attached to me. We were nearly at the rim of the box when I felt Neil shoving.
"Cut it out!" I snapped. "What're you doing?"
"You think I'm gonna let you be the first to be consumed?" Neil grunted, wriggling to get in front of me. "No way, Jose."
"My name's Gerald."
"It's an expression, idiot." Neil shoved harder.
I shoved back. "Well, I deserve this more than you do! I'm not the one who got us stuck together in the first place!"
"Excuse me, says who?"
"Says me, you idiot-"
We tussled for dominance. I shoved, Neil shoved, I shoved, and then we were tipping and falling, falling, falling, until we fell onto something cold and hard.
I waited to be picked up again.
Nothing happened.
I looked up. Far, far above us was the Human, grasping more of my fellow Sour Patch Kids in their finger and raising them to their mouth. Neil and I were ignored. Forgotten. Doomed to lie here forever in this miserable in-between place, with no company but each other.
"Goddammit, Neil!" I howled.