Work Text:
Naruto had everything he could've wanted. Everything he had ever dreamed of.
He had brought peace to the Five Nations and defeated all of the biggest threats with the help and guidance of his friends. He was working hard in order to become the next Hokage - fulfilling his greatest ambition. He had lots of trustworthy friends by his side. He had a wonderful, kind and caring wife who was to have his children.
And he had brought Sasuke, his best friend and rival, back to the light.
But even with all those good things in his life… he just wasn't happy.
He spent his days studying, training and assisting Kakashi - Lord Sixth himself - and returned to his cozy, tidy home to a freshly cooked dinner and a warm welcome. He knew he was privileged to have such luxuries - which only made him more angry at himself, for feeling so miserable.
At first he wondered if he'd sustained psychological damage from the Fourth Great Ninja War. He met with different specialists: he talked to medics, mental health professionals ( who, bear in mind, only existed because of his own insistence ) and even Granny Tsunade, but nobody could help him. Medications and therapy did nothing.
He talked to his friends, sharing his experiences during their numerous conversations. Many of them could relate to him on some level, but no one was able to offer a satisfactory solution. Rock Lee ( the very reason he'd begun insisting on mental health care ) had especially taken their losses to heart: Neji's death in particular. Naruto could never fault him for it - he'd lost someone who he loved with such intensity.
Talking with Lee for hours on end eased his mind a little, for reasons he didn't know and didn't care to know. But every time Lee spoke of the strong, unique bond between him and Neji, Naruto could feel something familiar lighting up in his heart.
Hinata had noticed he was unwell. She did everything she could think of to make him feel better: she brought him ramen to work, suggested days off for casual dates, showered him with her neverending love and affection.
But it all felt hollow. Every bit of joy in his life left little more than a bitter aftertaste.
Then, seemingly out of nowhere, Sasuke showed up to the village. And just like a curse being lifted, Naruto felt his chest bubble with giddy happiness. For the three days he was back Naruto barely left his side: only returning home to sleep and to offer some time for him and Sakura to catch up. He felt more like himself than he had in months, and he took great pleasure in seeing Sasuke return some of his enthusiastic joy.
Hinata looked pleased to see him back to normal, too - although Naruto constantly felt like she knew more than she let on. Neither said anything, however. There was no judgement nor improper insinuations. For a few days, life was good again.
And then Sasuke left again, everything going back to the way it was.
Naruto wasn't an idiot. He could be childish at times and get ahead of himself, but he had a brain that he used more often than some people assumed.
He knew his good mood being tied to Sasuke's presence implied something, but he wasn't sure what, exactly. Begrudgingly, he faced the idea that perhaps he was gay. His old, puppy-love crush on Sasuke was distracting him from everything else in his life - so, maybe finding love with another man would change something.
Anything.
So, as much as he despised himself for it, he experimented behind Hinata's back. He slept with some of his friends - the people who were already of importance to him - to see if what he suspected was true.
Shikamaru, Kiba, Shino, Lee, Choji, Sai.
( He considered contacting Gaara as well, but decided against it. He knew of the Kazekage's feelings towards him, and didn't want to risk hurting him .)
Different settings, different times, different ways of carnal passion.
And nothing.
While he enjoyed the sex, to the point where he was almost certain of his homosexuality, it still didn't have the desired effect. He found himself time and time again longing for something else entirely. It was maddening.
One night as he lay awake in bed, alone, he noticed Hinata sneaking in, quite similarly to him after his own venturing.
He didn't ask. He didn't judge her.
As time went on, Naruto only became more desperate. His chores felt overbearing, his days dragged on like he was stuck in quicksand, and he was becoming more and more hesitant to even return home to Hinata's side.
He still didn't have the answer he sought… or perhaps he did, but he wasn't ready to admit it. Regardless, he couldn't live like this. He couldn't live his life waiting for Sasuke to come visit him; as if he was nothing more than a sad puppy waiting for his owner to return.
Eventually, his actions became impossible to overlook as simply "moody teenager behavior", and Kakashi summoned his former student to the Hokage's office.
"What's going on, sens- I mean," his eyes drifted to study the ANBU guards near the door, "Lord Sixth?"
With a quick wave, Kakashi dismissed the guards; his attention fixed on Naruto. "That's alright, there's no need for formalities."
"Right," Naruto rubbed the back of his neck, trying not to appear as nervous as he truly felt inside. "So, ah, what's this about?"
For a moment, Kakashi remained silent, weighing his words in his mind.
"Well," he finally began, "I'm sure you already have an idea."
Naruto's mouth suddenly felt dry.
Kakashi looked at him sympathetically. "Naruto, I hope you know that you're very important to me. Not just as a student and successor, but," his smile was warm, caring, "also as a friend. And that's why if something - anything - is bothering you, I'd like to know. To help, if I'm able to."
Naruto bit his lip, his soul aching from inner conflict. Should he just confess, and lay his doubts and fears out in the open? Before he could stop himself, he blurted out:
"Sensei! You love Bushier Brows Sensei, right?
Kakashi stared back with a blank expression, utterly confused at the sudden change in tone.
"I do, very much… Why do you ask?"
Naruto shifted uncomfortably in his spot. He knew he needed to choose his next words more carefully as the awkward silence between them strained his wrecked nerves even more. He kept his gaze on the ground.
"How did you manage it?"
"What?"
"How did you handle those feelings? The overpowering need to be close to him? How did you find someone so, so… convenient, to love?"
Naruto felt out of breath once he finished shouting his questions. He was practically shaking: his nerves shot and entire body tense. But the ball was now in Kakashi's court. He sat back, quietly processing everything he'd just heard.
After a long, awkward pause Kakashi started laughing - to Naruto's absolute shock. It wasn't a malicious laughter, but it caught the blonde off guard nonetheless. For a moment, quiet chuckles filled the air.
"Sorry, sorry, it’s just - you do know I… I didn't choose to fall in love with Gai," he said once he'd calmed down. "Though, I wouldn't trade him for anything. Even if I could make the choice, I'd still pick him."
Naruto's expression was unreadable, mostly because he himself wasn't certain how to feel. Kakashi's words were perhaps nothing unheard of, but with Konoha's old-fashioned policies, it was always surprising to see anyone be so carefree about their orientation. ( Especially with the grumpy village elders mere two rooms apart. ) And, even still, it did nothing to cease the turmoil in the blonde's heart.
Apparently, Kakashi noticed that.
"Naruto. To love and to be loved is a blessing. It’s not the kind of liability many want younger Shinobi to believe. It took me a while to understand that myself, but it's true. And although every form of love is precious, some bonds are simply stronger than others. Not all love stories last a lifetime, I'm afraid."
His keen eyes nearly dug right into Naruto's soul. He swallowed around the lump in his throat - feeling as if he was under a spotlight with how deeply Kakashi's words hit him.
"And that's why you need to hold on to those you cherish most."
Naruto thanked his sensei and excused himself quickly. The sudden urge to vomit rose up his throat. His mind was racing, his heartbeat ringing in his ears alongside the echo of Kakashi's words.
He couldn't lie to himself any longer.
When he returned home, Hinata was waiting for him. She sat outside, waiting patiently for Naruto to join him. They sat in silence, taking in the lovely starry night.
"Naruto-kun, we need to talk."
He agreed.
When Sasuke showed up in Konoha two months later, Sakura rushed over to deliver the news. Immediately, he made his way to Naruto's study, shock and confusion written all over his face.
"Oh, Sasuke! You're-"
"I heard the news. Are you okay?"
Naruto was taken aback, but his lips curled into a sad smile. He adored Hinata, and probably always will - but they both knew what they had wasn't love. Tenten had once explained to him the difference between a soulmate and a twin flame. And while Hinata was destined to be an important part in his life, it wasn't in the way either of them had assumed.
"Yeah. I'm okay. It was a mutual decision and we broke up on good terms. Everything's fine."
Sasuke's eyes looked him over, cautiously studying his body language, before responding with a sharp nod.
"Still, it's a surprise for sure…"
Naruto moved a step closer. His eyes locked with Sasuke's and he smiled more genuinely than he had in ages.
"Well, the thing is… I was already doubting our relationship."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Since, you know, I think that there's already someone," he was now right in front of Sasuke, looking almost pleadingly into his dark, captivating eyes, "that I love with all of my heart. That I've loved for as long as I can remember."
Before Sasuke had a chance to respond, Naruto took his hand in his own, intertwining their fingers.
"Sasuke, will you go on a date with me?"