Work Text:
When are you going to tell him?
Is all I can think whenever I see you with him. Sitting in the same spot, where we once shared our picnics. Feeding him the same homemade brownies you’d always make me. Giving him the smile you’d once only reserved for me. All the joy reflected in your beautiful eyes. As if it was something I could never find anywhere else but with you.
Does he get to see all the things you shared with me? All the sides of you, you always claimed to be too afraid to show the world? Does he get to know you like I did? Telling him the stories of your youth and your struggles you’d stay up telling me on sleepless nights? Is it his shirt that now absorbs each of your tears when you’re upset?
I can’t help myself. I have to walk past you, hood pulled up to hide my face. I need to hear your voice, to hear the words you now gift him. Does he know I told you that joke, that now has him almost choking on his drink? Have you told him about others? All the jokes I ever told you? I bet he doesn’t.
I bet he doesn’t know I’m the one who taught you who Billy Joel was. He seemed so excited when I passed you in the music shop. You amazed him with all of your knowledge of his songs and your insight into his lyrics. He almost creamed himself over each word that came out of your mouth. I disliked him, but had never seen myself mirrored in him before until then.
Does he find it endearing when you exchange clothes? With you laughing at how small your jacket looks on him like you did with me. Does his heart melt the way mine did, seeing you swallowed in his clothes? Completely enamored with your sweaters paws as you wave them around telling him to stop teasing you.
Has he memorized all the patterns and textures of your skin? Do his hands feel like mine as they run along your skin, exchanging electrifying heat everywhere they touch? Does he get to hear your quiet whimpers, hidden behind a bitten lip too afraid to make a sound? Embarrassed by the wanton noises that escape you? Does he get to look into the universe hidden behind your eyes as he makes love to you? Did you teach him that spot, the one that I found, that always had you mewling for more? Do you tease him with your innocent looks and touches like you did me? Do you touch him how I taught you? Or does he show you like I once did?
When are you going to tell him?
Of the poor fool named Kim Taehyung? The love sick idiot who thought the world began and ended with you? The man who found all the answers to the universe behind your twinkling eyes. A fool who claimed a small patch beneath an even smaller tree to have picnics. A tree you both decided to adopt and take care of. The tree that was witness to your blossoming adoration and shared meals.
Poor stupid Kim Taehyung, laughing and making jokes just to hear your musical laugh. The laugh he believed he’d hear for the rest of his life. A life he pictured sharing with you, in a home he’d buy just for you, the house of your dreams. A silly dream of home cooked meals, halls filled with joy and laughter, and the sound of children playing.
I feel bad for that dope, Taehyung, who spent countless nights swaying to Billy Joel with you in his arms. Soothing away your tears, singing softly in your ear. Holding you as if he could protect you from all your fears. Whispers of his love and adoration slipping between the verse and chorus.
The idiot who thought he’d be the last to have you. The last to touch… caress… kiss you. He really thought he’d be the only one to hear the music that left your lips in the throes of passion. That those eyes full of lust and passion were reserved only for him. That those lips of yours could only form his name as you clung on in your release. The idiot really believed the two of you were one being when joined together, twin souls… two halves of one.
When are you going to tell him?
That the poor fool Kim Taehyung was me. That I loved you more than anyone before you. I loved you the way one breathed air to continue living. I had shared dreams of making you my wife, ones that you shared. That I wore my heart on my sleeve for you, the one that you ripped and took with you on that fateful day.
My heart that you wear now, like a trophy. Are you proud to have reduced me into such a pitiful man? A man with an unfillable hole in his chest? An empty void that could only spew misery and envy.
I was the fool that ignored all the signs and whispers. I was the idiot that proudly wore his rose colored glasses, disregarding warnings of being just another one for your jar of hearts. Eyes shut to possible truths, afraid of just being your type.
I wonder if you get pleasure from reliving the same love, passion and inevitable heartbreak. Do you enjoy this game of deja vu? Or was I the only real fool? The only one who never knew the kind of agonizing pain you’d leave in your tracks as you walked away? The poor wretch that spent his nights spilling tears for you. Pleading words sobbed into the pillow you once used, begging you to come back. Feeling his heart get ripped out every time the night sky made its appearance, the silence filling his dark room with memories of you.
So when are you going to tell him?
Of the man whose life you destroyed.
When are you going to tell him?
About Kim Taehyung.
When are you going to tell him?
About me.