Chapter Text
Exhibit A
We are friends in a sleeping bag splitting the heat
We have one filthy pillow to share and your lips are in my hair
Someone upstairs has a rat that we laughed at
And people are drinking
And singing bad Scarborough Fair on a ukulele tear
“I swear to God, if you burn down the kitchen again, Deku,” Bakugou growled as he heard clatter from the kitchen. ‘The fuck is that useless fucker doing?’
“I won’t! Come on, Kacchan, I always make the popcorn for our TV marathons. I know how to use a microwave – and don’t bring up the grape thing! That was an extenuating circumstance. And I didn’t burn the kitchen. It was just smokey!” the fucking nerd yelled back. He huffed, completely unconvinced that whatever Deku was doing would result in anything edible. God, he didn’t know why he agreed to this insanity.
Deku, the shitty fucking nerd that he was, has been ranting on and on about this new show adaptation of some comic he read. Bakugou didn’t recognize the name of that dumb shit, so it must have been a series he picked up in middle school. Otherwise he would have already been subjected to fucking hour-long lectures when they were brats - the fucking nerd could never shut up about shit he liked. He would just rant on and on and on about it, his stupid eyes light up so much they fucking glowed like some lame ass fireflies or something. Some lesser extra would probably call it cute.
Deku insisted that this would be a show Bakugou would like – so much so that he begged the blond for them to reinitiate their old habit of binge-watching on the couch. Bakugou told him no, but Deku wouldn’t stop talking about the show until he watched at least the first episode with the nerd.
Doubtful he would want to watch anything more than that, but an hour of his time in exchange for peace and quiet was a fucking great deal. Deal of the century to no longer be subjected to the nerd’s insistent mumbling and enthusiasm. So they were in the common area, the show pulled up on the TV while Bakugou impatiently waited on the couch for Deku to finish making popcorn in the kitchen.
“Done! Okay, we’re all ready now. Here!” Deku handed one of the bowls of popcorn to him. He inspected it carefully, surprised that it looked alright – not burned and he even saw evidence of seasoning added to it. In fact, it looked like his special seasoning mix which Deku shouldn’t have touched but he was willing to let it slide this once. At least the nerd didn’t waste it. Deku’s bowl looked different – Bakugou noticed a familiar sickeningly sweet smell. ‘Ugh, caramel.’
He cautiously tried a piece – he wouldn’t put it above Deku to accidently poison him somehow. Sure, when they were brats Deku was in charge of making the popcorn, but it had been years since then and Deku clearly forgot how to fucking operate a kitchen in the same time he gained a quirk. His suspicion was warranted.
Deku watched him intently as he settled into the couch next to the blonde, wrapping himself in the disgustingly fuzzy blanket he brought with him. Still chewing on the popcorn, Bakugou inspected the seemingly plain blanket before he finally named why that shade of gray seemed so fucking familiar - it was a fucking Totoro blanket. God, this dumbass has no limits to his nerdiness.
His entire being was a testament to his fucking nerdiness. His fucking shirt was the typical All-Might pajama top one would expect from the obsessive fan, but Bakugou knew that the seemingly unassuming blue shorts and socks were from a Stitch-themed pajama set released recently for some Disney anniversary. He definitely did not stare at the set on the website while looking for Christmas presents, attempting to wrap his mind around the idea of Deku wearing those short-ass shorts only to then be presented with that image. Nope. Why would he even be shopping for Christmas gifts for the nerd?
‘And the socks. Why the fuck does a pajama set include long socks? Wasn’t this shit only in women’s sizes? Did he even get the right size?’ Bakugou couldn’t help but notice that the fabric of the socks seemed to be staining to hold together - nerd’s legs had really bulked up since his switch to shoot style.
“Good?” Deku prompted once the silence dragged a moment too long. The word broke Bakugou out of his thoughts and he snapped his eyes away from the greenette and toward the TV, ignoring the heat flaring up in his face. He grunted in response, more to clear his throat and break his thought train than as an actual answer.
“Sufficient.” He saw Deku’s dumb, wide smile from the corner of his eyes, nerd leaning closer to reach into his bowl that he left on the table. Too fucking close.
“Good. Anyway, you’ll love this show, Kacchan. Seriously.” ‘Yeah right. I bet I’m going to be bored as fuck with this nerd shit. I’m gonna regret this.’
“Whatever, just start it, nerd. You got two hours before I gotta fuck off.”
Roughly six hours later, Bakugou found himself regretting the whole experience as he practically sleepwalked back to his room while Deku stayed passed out on the couch.
Exhibit B
Well, we found an apartment
It’s not much to look at
A futon on a floor
Torn-off desktop for a door
All the decor's made of milk crates and duct tape
And if we have sex
They can hear us through the floor
Since the first week of moving into the dorms, Bakugou had settled into a routine. Deku – as expected from a worthless idiot like him – was a disaster in the kitchen. Nearly burned the dorms down trying to make instant ramen. Fucking instant ramen. Bakugou had to stop him before they all died from smoke inhalation. However, the nerd was refusing to stop unless he was bribed with food. Opportunistic asshole.
Of course, that meant the nerd had to eat on his schedule – because like hell Bakugou was going to change when he cooked or ate to suit him. Nerd complained a lot about the early waking up in the beginning – despite being more awake in the mornings without coffee. Nerd never drank coffee – something about it making him feel “like he was gonna die”. Which Bakugou found weird but meant he didn’t need to worry about the nerd drinking any of his coffee, so whatever.
Bakugou was pretty pissed at this arrangement in the beginning, but then Deku made himself useful by cleaning up the dishes afterwards and doing the weekly grocery shopping for the whole dorm – so it balanced out. He was markedly better at it then Glasses or Ponytail – those two were incapable of navigating a grocery store and actually coming back with the stuff on the list.
Today was the day that Deku went shopping, which meant they were basically out of everything until the afternoon. Which meant Bakugou couldn’t make what he normally did for breakfast – so he pushed down the disgust at the idea and made a more western-style meal. There were still enough eggs for omelets and a few vegetables he could add to it to make it healthier. He needed to talk with Deku about adjusting the grocery list to keep this from happening.
Deku stumbled his way into the kitchen, looking more tired and disheveled than normal. The sunshine boy was a walking disaster on a good day, but this looked like he got dressed in his sleep. Considering the bags under his eyes, he might have. Bakugou internally groaned, hoping Deku didn’t start unloading until after he had woken up some more. If he was remembering what Pinky Pie told him correctly, today was the day that Deku went to meet with Sir Nighteye and he was nervous about it.
‘Ugh. Lucky bastard. Fucking stupid to be nervous over this shit - at least he gets to fucking do one.’
Bakugou plated the two omelets he made and dropped one in front of the nerd. He sat down to eat and waited for the inevitable crying from Deku as he questioned for the millionth fucking time whether he would make a good hero. ‘Fucking insecure asshole.’
But we don’t do that anymore
Equally frustratingly, however, breakfast continued in stifling silence as Deku chose instead to pick at his food while muttering under his breath. Bakugou cleared his throat to regain Deku’s attention – to stop his annoying muttering – but it didn’t work. ‘Whatever asshole. Fine, ignore me then. I don’t fucking care.’
And I lay there wondering, what is the matter?
Is this a matter of worse or of better?
You took the blanket, so I took the bedsheet
But I would have held you if you'd only
Let me
Bakugou held back a sigh for what must have been the thousandth time today as he watched Idiot One and Idiot Two continue their obnoxious display of flirting. Seriously, he didn’t understand why Rockruff bothered to invite him along – he did not need a fucking ‘wingman’. Even if he did, wasn’t Deku already fulfilling that role? At least he did manage to get in a decent workout in the gym.
They were finally making their way back to the dorms where Bakugou could escape their lovesick idiocy, when they paused at the entrance way. The common room smelled like a damn bakery – with the weirdest hint of spice that made it not overwhelmingly sweet.
“Wow. Did Sato come back early from visiting his parents?” Shitty Hair wondered. Racoon Eyes seemed to snap out of whatever mental fog she was in.
“Oh! Uh, probably. We shouldn’t bother him, especially coming right back from the gym. We can check in later,” she rambled, slightly pushing Cherry Jolly Rancher away from the kitchen. Bakugou narrowed his eyes at the suspicious behavior and marched over. Pinky Pie yelled after him, but he could hear them following not far behind.
The scene in the kitchen was confusing in that it seemed normal, but something was off. It was clean – cleaner than when he left this morning he felt. Deku was sitting at the table – unsurprising since the bottomless pit was pretty much always eating. The table had a plate filled with brightly colored sandwich-like pastries – neat enough that they were not made by an amateur but messy enough that they had to be homemade. Also, as much as he hated desserts, even Bakugou could tell this was a fancy one that required skill.
“Hey, Mido-bro! Where’d you get the dessert? Smells great,” Rockruff exclaimed as he walked in after Bakugou.
“Who the fuck made this?” Bakugou interjected before the nerd could respond, watching the nerd make brief panicked eye contact with Unsweetened Pink Lemonade before looking down to his hands. Clearly trying to avoid eye contact. ‘He’s hiding something.’
“Ah. I - uh, got it from a bakery?” he offered. That was bullshit.
“Then where’s the box it came in?” he demanded. Racoon Eyes laughed nervously.
“Baku-babe, let’s, uh, not make a big deal out of this. It really doesn’t matter. There’s no need to know where they came from – hey Izu, can I have one?” Pinky Pie said, walking over to grab one and visibly startling Deku.
“Oh, yeah, but not the orange – they’re spicy, stick to the brown macarons. Those are chocolate with mint.”
“Oi. Don’t change the subject. Who made them?” Bakugou didn’t understand why they were being so secretive about it. He really didn’t understand why he was so insistent on this – why he cared other than there was a pit of anger growing the longer he didn’t have an answer. ‘Who the fuck is making my – the nerd stupid “macarons”? He eats enough junk. He doesn’t need more. This is gonna fuck up his diet.’
“I kinda wanna know too, Mido-bro,” Shitty Hair said, then quickly added after being glared at by Acid Gremlin, “but it’s cool if you don’t wanna say. Can I have one too?” Deku smiled nervously at Shitty Hair, but nodded and gestured to the plate of sweets.
“What’s with the damn secrecy?” He glared at the idiots just stuffing their faces with the food, especially once Discount Dye Job gushed to Deku about how good they were. His left eye twitched. ‘They can’t be that good.’
“What’s with the interrogation? Just eat one, Kacchan. Leave it alone. Who cares who made it?” Deku held out one of the orange ones, which Bakugou snatched and angrily took a bite. He had planned to sneer and say it tasted like shit. It didn’t.
“Tastes like shit.” He said it anyway. Deku frowned at that, which was good. ‘Serves him right for keeping shit from me. Stupid secretive nerd.’ Racoon Eyes glared at him, but he just ignored her.
“Uh, we should get going. We do still need to shower and stuff,” Shitty Hair mentioned. He and Racoon Eyes walked out of the kitchen, but Bakugou stayed behind to keep glaring at Deku.
During his glare, he did pick up on the nerd looking off. His shoulders were slumped, he was fidgeting with the dessert but not really eating it, and there was just a hint of red around his eyes that meant the walking emotional tornado must have been crying at some point – but not recently. Bakugou knew that today was the first day of Deku’s work-study, so he had expected to come back to a hyperactive nerd that was babbling about saving a kitten or something. Clearly not.
Bakugou stood there silently for a while to see if the nerd was going to fess up – to either where he got the sweets or what happened on his first day. Deku just ignored him. ‘Fine. Don’t say shit then. I don’t care, stupid nerd.’
Bakugou stormed out of the room.
Exhibit C
Look how quaint
And how quiet and private
Our paychecks have bought us a condo in town
It's the nicest flat around
You picked a mattress and had it delivered
And I walked upstairs
And the sight of it made my heart pound
And I wrapped my arms around me
Bakugou’s favorite day to cook dinner was the day the nerd went on the weekly grocery shopping trip. It was the only day of the week where it was guaranteed he had all his ingredients – because the fucking losers in his class apparently cannot calculate how much food they need in a week and always end up eating into his shit. He had to fucking start hiding some of the more expensive ingredients because fuck if Hair-for-Brains or damn Invisalign eat his fucking steak.
It also meant today he was making Katsudon because pork was always the first thing to disappear from the fridge. Without fail. Bakugou still hadn’t figured out who in his class kept taking the fucking pork – but whoever it was had to be either hiding it or cooking in the middle of the night because there was no other explanation for why it would be there when he went to bed and gone when he woke up.
That was the only reason he was making it. Because he was tired of watching the damn pork disappear without eating it. It had nothing to do with Deku’s wounded puppy mood lately. Bakugou hadn’t even noticed Deku being sullen (‘asshole barely said fifty words at breakfast, that’s a record low’) or obsessed with training ( ‘arrogant shit not fucking yielding when he should, like he wanted to be bruised black and blue’). Nope, none of that registered to him.
As Bakugou made his way downstairs, he could hear Deku, Racoon, and Round Cheeks in the common area. He was greeted by the rancid smell of grease and fake cheese. His stomach twisted and knotted, threatening to expel its contents on the floor.
There were three boxes of pizza scattered on the coffee table and some animated show from Netflix queued up on the TV.
“Oh, Kacchan. Perfect timing, I was gonna text you. Mina found a new show on Netflix that she wants to binge watch and so we’re gonna have a sleepover in the common room. I ordered pizza,” he pointed to the boxes, “so I guess I’m not gonna join you for dinner. You get a break today.” He finished with a slight shrug.
For a brief, insane moment, Bakugou considered saying he was planning on making Katsudon – he knew the nerd would read way too far into it and probably still join him for dinner. It wasn’t like Deku didn’t have enough of an appetite to eat dinner and gross-ass pizza plus whatever other snacks they got that night. Hell, he probably didn’t even need to say anything – the nerd could smell Auntie’s Katsudon from like a mile away.
“Whatever,” he grumbled.
He made spicy ramen instead.
And I stood there wondering, what is the matter?
Is this a matter of worse or of better?
You walked right past me and straightened the covers
But I would still love you if you wanted a lover
He hated junk food. Especially sweets.
Unlike a lot of other children – especially a green-haired magnet for trouble – Bakugou was never one for junk food. He found most desserts to be way too sweet for his tastes, preferring his food spicy. Most snack foods were just disappointing in that it left him hungrier than when he started. So, it really shouldn’t be surprising that Bakugou hated the influx of empty-calorie trash Deku has been eating lately.
Especially since Deku was skipping meals.
Or rather, he was eating so much junk that he stopped eating actual food. Last week alone, Deku had skipped dinner four times and breakfast twice. All six times, Bakugou found the nerd munching on some sugary crap or fucking takeout before saying he ‘wasn’t hungry’. No shit. The times he did eat with Bakugou, the nerd was quiet and picked at his food, barely eating half of it. After it was cold. It was annoying and Bakugou kept waiting for the nerd to say whatever was clearly on his mind so he could stop with the fucking staring off into the distance.
And you said
All the money in the world
Won't buy a bed so big and wide
To guarantee that you won't accidentally touch me
In the night
It wasn’t that Bakugou wanted to comfort the nerd or anything – he wasn’t fucking worried or anything. It just – the nerd had recently picked up the habit of coming to Bakugou whenever he was upset about something. Why? He had no fucking clue. Comforting others wasn’t something he liked to do – but it was either that or deal with the loud, disgusting crying from the nerd. Which was worse.
Deku wasn’t crying, but he was still being annoying with his general presence so Bakugou wished the nerd would just open his fucking mouth and say whatever was wrong. Or start crying. Just anything other than this weird maniac energy he gave off now, like he would die if he took even a second to breath and yet wasn’t saying a damn word.
Bakugou was pretty sure the only reason Deku hadn’t collapsed dead yet was because of the other losers in his class. They kept inviting the nerd to hang out whenever he spent too much time training – hell, Bakugou saw Shitty Hair pull Deku aside after a spar where he had clearly sprained his ankle (‘and said nothing’) and asked him to go over the dumb plan the two made to help Rockruff win over Pinky Pie. Bakugou knew damn well that Shitty Hair had memorized that plan forward and backwards (‘god, he wouldn’t shut up about it’) so that was clearly a thinly veiled attempt to distract the nerd.
Bakugou himself was about to yell at the nerd for his stupidity (‘don’t fight while injured, dumbass, it’ll just make it worse’) so it was probably for the best.
Exhibit D
Now we're both mostly paralyzed
Don't know how long we've been lying here in fear
Too afraid to even feel
I find my glasses and you turn the light out
Roll off on your side
Like you've rolled away for years
Holding back those king-size tears
It lasted a week and a half. A full week and a half of odd behavior from Deku – of the dumb nerd being quiet and aloof and spending way too much time with the losers. Bakugou hadn’t realized just how much the freckled boy had wormed his way into his every day until suddenly he was fucking avoiding him.
Avoiding might not be the right word. Deku wasn’t hiding from him – he knew where the nerd was, and the idiot still showed up for meals occasionally. But unlike before where the asshole constantly sought him out and badgered him to hang out with him and their shitty classmates, he was just. There. Not really ignoring him, but also not talking to him.
Sometimes Bakugou caught tears building up in the nerd’s eyes as he stared off into nothing, but instead of saying anything or just letting them fall, the green-eyed boy would leave. Excuse himself and go back to his room to – Bakugou didn’t know what, but it wasn’t sleeping considering the bags under his eyes.
It was starting to piss him off not knowing what was happening.
And I still don't ask you, what is the matter?
Is this a matter of worse or of better?
You take the heart failure
I'll take the cancer
I've long stopped wondering why you don't answer
He couldn’t just ask the nerd.
‘Me. Showing concern? Fuck that, I’m not some weak bleeding heart like Deku.’
Still, it should be obvious, right? Obvious that he had noticed – the whole fucking class had noticed. He knew fucking Round Cheeks knew what was going on with the asshole. Why hadn’t Deku just told him what was happening?
Fucking weeks of coming to Bakugou for advice and suddenly he stopped. He chose now to exclude him from this bullshit.
Bakugou had no idea what happened.
Exhibit E
You can certainly see how fulfilling a life
From the cost and size of stone of our final resting home
We got some nice ones right under a cherry tree
You and me lying the only way we know
Side by side and still and cold
Hearing that Deku was in the hospital didn’t surprise Bakugou.
Hearing that Deku was uninjured – that shocked him.
Bakugou didn’t even try to untangle the web of confusing shit that welled up in his chest – he didn’t know what half of that shit was – as he watched the news coverage of what exactly Deku, Shitty Hair, Round Cheeks, and Kermit had been involved in. He knew there was even more to the story than what the damn media was reporting.
If he wanted to know more, he needed to find out from the people involved.
It wasn’t until the next day that Deku finally returned to the dorms. The losers in the common area – that were pathetically waiting around for the work-study students to return – swarmed the tired looking teenager while Bakugou watched on from the kitchen drinking his second cup of coffee. Cacophony of sounds erupted as they all asked about what the fuck had happened – and a cacophony of unidentified emotions hit Bakugou as he finally saw that Deku was actually uninjured.
The nerd wasn’t badly hiding pain – no strain in his eyes, no suspiciously shifting his weight, no odd finches or twitches. Relief(?) filled him as his breathing eased. There was still a weight on his shoulders and puffiness in his eyes, but the nerd was okay.
Deku gave them the short version of it – about Eri and Overhaul and Sir Nighteye. There were details missing – stuff swept under the rug, but still better than the dumb reporters. None of the news reports the blond had watched gave him any better understanding of what the fuck actually happened. He still didn’t know but – at least he knew Deku came out of it.
The odd distance between them lingered even after the Overhaul situation was over. Bakugou figured Deku was concerned about the Eri girl but would return to his normal self eventually. The nerd always bounced back in middle school, there was no way this would keep him down. Sure, he spent even less time with Bakugou – started sparing with fucking Shitty Hair now – but he still ate with him. Occasionally.
When he wasn’t eating the stupid sweets that Bakugou still didn’t know from where he got them. Like now. Absently munching on a plate of heart-shaped cookies with what looked like jam in them as he watched whatever lame show he and Round Cheeks were obsessed with – as the blond made a sandwich for lunch, listening to them freak out and laugh over the screen.
The heartburn had returned today, settling in his chest with a hot, bubbling presence.
“Deku-kun, where did you get these cookies? They’re so good! And cute! Are you sure Aoyama is wrong?” Bakugou could hear the nerd choke, accompanied by a few hard smacks, before he cleared his throat.
“Ochako! No! How many times do I have to say this, I do not have a secret boyfriend!” Bakugou froze. “I just can’t tell you where I got the cookies, okay?”
“That’s kinda suspicious, Deku-kun. You gotta admit, the idea is pretty romantic – and you literally showed up with heart-shaped cookies today. I’m just saying.”
“Oh, god. You know what, fine. You’re right. Believe whatever you want. Let’s just get back to the show, okay?”
Bakugou dug into his memory for when the fuck the nerd could have gotten a boyfriend – and why the fuck did he not know. The nerd couldn’t keep One for All a secret from him, but he kept this. Why?
It explained all the homemade baked goods Deku had lately – and maybe that secret wasn’t that well-kept but Bakugou still didn’t know. Why didn’t he figure it out earlier? It explained a lot – fuck, that might even be why the nerd stopped talking to the explosive blond as much, turning to this no-name fucking extra instead.
The heartburn intensified, his heart pounding and chest tightening. It was like dying for a brief second.
And I finally ask you, what was the matter?
Was it a matter of worse or of better?
You stretch your arms out and finally face me
You say I would have told you
If you'd only asked me
If you'd only asked me
If you'd only asked me