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Parting is such sweet sorrow,
That I shall say good night till it be morrow.
Sydney followed the sound of giggles to the kitchen, as Eddie closed the front door behind them. The tightness in her chest felt less oppressive once she stepped into the brightly lit room. Colorful containers with a variety of ingredients were scattered across the counter, and the aroma of basil filled the air. A small cloud of flour went up as Declan excitedly beat a lump of dough. He stood on a stool, wearing a light blue children’s apron that was still slightly too long, while Adrian held him up by the waist.
They both looked delighted when they saw her approaching, and she felt her own smile spread in answer. Declan turned quickly on the stool, and Adrian laughed as he tried to hold him up. “¡Mama! Yo hago pizza. ¡Yo hice un peloton de masa, mira!” Fat little hands covered in flour reached for her.
“Verdad, cariño?” She picked the boy up and he crossed his legs around her. She kissed his curly hair, smelling the baby shampoo.
“Daddy helped a little. Right, daddy?”
“Just a little,” said Adrian, leaning in to kiss her over Declan’s head. “He did most of the work.”
Sydney held their son tighter and moved closer to Adrian as he put an arm around her. “Did you give him a shower before covering him in flour?”
He laughed, and reached out to clean her hair. “I had to; he was in no state to be cooking. You can’t keep this boy clean. He got a little flour on your halo already.”
Declan turned to look at the door as Eddie came in. Adrian took a step back so the boy wouldn’t headbutt him in his sudden movement.
“Uncle Eddie! We’re making pizza!” Adrian poked him gently. “I mean super awesome special pizza. I got all the leaves from the garden myself. You can smell it on my hands. See?” He reached his hand out to Eddie’s nose.
Eddie laughed and wiped off the flour Declan left on his face. “I’m sure it’ll be delicious, champ.” He messed up the boy’s hair, then turned to Adrian. “Is Daniella out? It’s getting dark.”
“Daddy forgot the cheese. Granny is buying some.”
“Hey, we forgot the cheese, buddy. She’s on her way back, don’t worry.”
Adrian moved to the sink, which was already filled with too many cooking implements. He was a messy cook, but the results were undeniably delicious. He washed his hands then started kneading the dough again. Seeing that, Declan squirmed indignantly to be put down.
“Tengo que amasar la masa, mama. Stop, daddy, that’s my job!”
She set him down softly, immediately missing his warmth.
Adrian held him up to the sink as he washed his hands. He looked back at her curiously. “How was Marcus?”
“He’s well,” she answered. “He brought Emma.”
“Oh. That’s good right? Means she’s recovered enough to travel?”
Sydney and Eddie exchanged a look. She bowed her head, carefully cleaning white powder off her skirt.
“She still looks pretty bad,” Eddie said, “but she’ll live.”
Sydney had left the museum early to meet Marcus, at his request. She was surprised to see her old roommate from re-education there, since a recent Strigoi attack had left her badly injured. She had recovered somewhat, but she still looked hauntingly pale. That fragility in someone normally so assertive was striking.
The tightness in Sydney’s chest returned. She stepped away from the counter. “I’m going upstairs to find some books I need. You boys have fun. I can’t wait for your pizza!”
Adrian studied her, frowning slightly. “I’ll let you know when dinner is ready.”
Declan climbed back up to the bench with Adrian’s help. “Look, uncle Eddie. Hyaaaaaaa!” He hit the dough with a closed fist, in a staking motion. He smiled proudly when the adults laughed.
“That’s excellent form, champ! You’ll learn in no time.”
Sydney kissed her husband and son again, and left the warm kitchen behind. She climbed the stairs slowly, lingering before the pictures that hanged on the wall. Their wedding. Their vow renewal ceremony. Her graduation. Family trips. Daniella showing Jill how to give baby Declan a bath. The first kindergarten class Adrian taught.
She’d stopped near the top of the stairs, looking at a picture of Eddie, when he appeared himself. He climbed up swiftly and turned to her with a worried look. “Are you doing okay?”
“Yeah, I just have a lot to think about. I need to start researching.”
“I’m just gonna do some rounds, but I can – That’s back up again.”
He glared at the picture hanging on the wall behind her. It featured Eddie and Declan in matching Raptorbot pajamas, making fighting poses on the living room couch during a movie night. In the year since it had been taken, the picture had been taken down a few times, always after much insistence on Eddie’s part.
“Oh, it’s so cute. I think Adrian is right, you should let us hang it up,” she teased. “It’s the least you could do after making us watch all the Raptorbot movies.”
“Hey, Declan loves those movies.”
“And corrupting my young child, too.”
“No pictures of me in my pajamas in the common area,” he said firmly. “That’s final.”
“You’re lucky. Adrian wanted to make a full-size painting of it.”
“Tell you what, you let Adrian do that portrait of you that he wants to paint and I’ll let you hang this one up.”
He moved towards the picture and lifted the bottom of it off the wall.
“Okay, you have to admit that’s quite different from being in your pajamas. And I doubt you’d actually want to see that.”
He looked away embarrassedly. “True,” he said sheepishly. “I’m still taking this down, though.”
He started feeling for the hook behind the frame.
“I really do love that picture. You both look so sweet, and so happy. You actually look relaxed. I wish I remembered what movie we were watching.”
Eddie let the picture back down slowly and then looked at her solemnly. “I’ll let it stay up one more day. You enjoy it, sis.”
He offered her his arm. She took it as they walked down the corridor.
“I appreciate your most gallant sacrifice, sir Eddie.”
He grinned. “You should.”
They reached the study’s door and she let go of his arm.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked. “I know it can be hard for you. Seeing people from that place.”
“It doesn’t seem to be all too easy for you either. You always get even more vigilant, somehow.” She tried to use a teasing tone, but the words came out strained.
“That meeting put me in mind of Strigoi, Warriors and Alchemists, and I’m not sure who I hate more.” He squeezed her shoulder, briefly and softly. “Emma is gonna be fine, you know. She’s a fighter.”
Her guilt rose at his assumption that she was worried about Emma’s health. Her gratitude hanged heavily on Sydney’s mind.
“I really do just have to think. I’m getting ahead of myself.”
“Well, you go do your thinking, then. I’m sure you’ll figure it out. If anyone can it’s you.”
He gave her a quick hug then continued down the corridor to the nursery. She watched him for a few moments, then entered the small room they had converted into a shared study.
She tried her best to keep the room organized, but it was still cluttered. It felt claustrophobic at times, but right then it seemed rather cozy. A sanctuary.
They had barely managed to fit in two desks, pushed against opposite walls so Adrian’s paints and glitter wouldn’t get on Sydney’s papers. Adrian still thought it would be a good idea to cram in a hideous – yet comfortable – yellow couch. Purple throw pillows made the color look even more garish. It stood under the tinted window, immovably stuck behind the desks.
Against the last wall was a book shelf. Her books occupied most of it, sorted first by subject – magic, art history, fiction – then by author, alphabetically. Adrian’s pedagogy books occupied the highest shelf, which she couldn’t easily reach. They were still sorted by color, no matter how much she complained.
She selected a few spell books and moved to her desk, opening a modern book about the mechanics of charm making, and tried to force herself to take notes. She tapped her fingers on the desk as she turned the pages delicately.
Daniella got home and announced cheerfully that she’d bought the cheese and saved the day. Sydney knew she should close the door, but she found the noise of her family downstairs reassuring. Making slow progress, she listened to Declan’s laughter as Eddie chased him around. She could hear Adrian’s conversation with his mother in the kitchen without making out the words.
She put her pen down when she realized she had been staring at the picture on her desk for a few minutes. It was another picture of the vow renewal ceremony they held on their last anniversary, her favorite.
Unlike the professional photograph hanging on the wall by the stairs, this one was a selfie taken by Adrian. Declan stood between them in his ring bearer tuxedo, flashing a big dimpled smile, while they both laughed. Their friends and family could be seen in the background, talking eating and dancing. As much as she’d loved the beautiful wedding Adrian had managed to organize, it was nice to be able to celebrate with their loved ones.
She picked up the picture frame and turned her chair around. Adrian’s desk was close enough to hers that if they turned towards each other their knees would almost touch. His workspace was much less organized than hers, with craft supplies spread around the desk. A drawing of Declan’s was taped to the wall.
They could almost be mistaken for a normal family, keeping nice pictures around the house and inviting friends over for parties. Of course, a lot of those friends were vampires and witches. And not all friends were invited. No matter how fond of them they might be, no spirit user ever came anywhere near Declan.
Turning back around, she set the picture back down and tried to focus on her research again. She opened an older book, hoping the Latin would better hold her attention, but her mind still wandered. She sent Ms. Terwiliger a message asking for a coven meeting, and finally gave up on her work.
She chose a book from the shelf to distract herself with. It had to be better than gazing sentimentally at pictures, wishing for what was already hers. She made herself comfortable lying on the couch. Skipping to her favorite passages and playing with the wooden cross around her neck, she finally got absorbed in her book.
The sky was dark by the time she heard Adrian come into the room, holding a mug in each hand. She sat up, putting her book down on her lap, so he could take the sit beside her. He handed her a mug that had been painstakingly decorated with a painting of the Ivashkinator. She smiled, and snuggled against him as he put one arm around her, taking in the smell of his cologne. It was expensive, but she had long since admitted to herself that she wasn’t going to cut that indulgence from their budget. She enjoyed the scent as she absentmindedly brought the mug to her lips.
“This is tea.” She said, keeping her expression neutral.
“No coffee after six. Chamomile is soothing.” He sipped from his own Pies and Stuff mug. It looked simple compared to hers, but she knew he treasured it just as much. It was the first item she had bought for their home. “Besides, I wouldn’t want to ruin your appetite with hot chocolate before you get the chance to eat our son’s super awesome special pizza. He’s a natural like me, gets it perfect on the first try.”
She thought back to Adrian’s first attempts at cooking so many years ago and laughed into her tea. There had been more than a few charred meals as he tried to carefully follow her doctor’s instructions for her recovery. “I’m sure he is. My boys are very talented. Did you two have fun this afternoon?”
“Yeah, he helped me get everything we needed at the grocery store. He’s the one who made me forget the cheese, though.”
“You’re really going to blame a child for your forgetfulness, Adrian? Shame on you.”
“If he’s to blame, Sage. I’m just telling it like it is. He was in big hurry to get to candy aisle. He’s very impatient, he gets that from you.” She laughed again, and he continued cheerfully. “He’s still very excited about being in my class next year. He talked about it all day.”
All her mirth disappeared. “Next year.” She put her forehead on his shoulder.
He held her more tightly. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah. Don’t worry, I’m probably just overthinking.” She squeezed his hand on her shoulder. “You know, I was thinking about the couch.”
He raised his eyebrows at the sudden change in subject. “The couch? Are you trying to get rid of my beautiful couch again?”
“No, it’s actually way more comfortable than it has any right to be. I like it. And we’d have to move every other piece of furniture in this room to get it out. I was actually thinking about what you said to get me to let you keep it.”
“I had a lot of suggestions about what we could do with this couch.” His green eyes danced mischievously.
“Adrian.” Her tone was chastising, but she took his mug from him and placed it alongside hers on the coasters on her desk.
“I’m just saying, I don’t think we’ve tried all of them yet.”
“If we tried all of them, we’d hit our heads on the desks.” She turned back to him and put her arms around his neck. “How long until dinner is ready?”
“We still have half an hour. Eddie is watching it for me.”
She kissed his neck softly and made a trail up to his lips. He brought her closer to him, tracing gentle circles on her lower back, pulling her legs up to his lap. She melted against his lips and stopped thinking in that way only he could accomplish. She clinged to the nape of his neck and intensified the kiss in fierce desperation. She tried to be consumed by the fire between them until the rest of the world ceased to exist.
When they broke the kiss, breathing heavily, there was worry in his green eyes.
“Sydney –”
“As fun as your suggestions were,” she interrupted cheerfully, her breathing still labored, “I was talking about the color.”
“It looks like your aura.” He said simply.
“Did you really pick a couch based on that?”
“Mostly, yeah. I did consider other things. But it’s a nice reminder. It’s a beautiful thing to see, you know. Like peering into your essence.”
“Do you still miss it? The magic?”
“I think about it less and less these days. But I do. I think a part of me will always miss it, and all my other vices too. I miss the thrill of building a dream world exactly how I want it. I miss seeing your aura shine brighter than the sun when I do something that makes you happy. But I don’t need magical insight into you when I can hold you.” He pulled her closer with the arm around her waist and she shifted her weight on his lap. “It’s worth it, staying away from it so I can have you, and this family, and my sanity. To be actually present. Mostly it’s still terrifying, to know that if something happened to any of you, I couldn’t heal you.”
She caressed his hair softly. “We’re happy to have you with us. Actually present.” She still thought fearfully of that moment years ago, when he was so caught up in spirit that he’d forgotten who she was.
“You’ve been trying to distract me. Did you get bad news from Marcus today?”
“Yes. No.” She sighed. “I guess if anything it’s good news. We can talk about it later. After dinner.”
He looked at her intently, but finally let the subject go. “Alright.”
He turned to check something under him and picked up her book, which had fallen by his side as they kissed and was poking him. “Romeo and Juliet? I had to watch some old version in high school. I didn’t really pay that much attention, I just thought they were both really hot.”
Sydney smiled, thankful for the change in subject. “Of course, you did. I really like the 68 version, it’s my favorite.”
“Is this one more romantic than Antony and Cleopatra, at least?” he smirked.
“You almost broke your record of a full year without taking cheap shots at Brayden.” She slapped his arm lightly. “I suppose it is more romantic. It still ends in tragedy. But there’s some beautiful language, I can’t say I’m immune to that.” She tapped his nose, and he took a hold of her hand and kissed it tenderly.
“I wouldn’t think you’d go for love at first sight, though. You need many more sights to fall in love,” he placed a hand over his heart and made a dramatic expression, “No, I’m the one who falls head over heels right away and then has to pine and languish.”
She rolls her eyes, “You did not fall in love with me at first sight.”
“I didn’t. But I did eventually get bewitched by a pair of beautiful molten gold eyes that would put the two brightest stars in the sky to shame.” He gestured grandly towards the tinted glass of the window. Their faint reflection could be seen over the starlit sky.
“You didn’t pay attention, huh?”
“Maybe I was enough of a sappy romantic in high school to pay attention to Romeo and Juliet. And then watch the surfer version, too. And I liked the crazy Mercutio guy who talked about dreams. I thought maybe somebody actually knew about dreams that could impact the real world, like the ones I could make. I was like queen Mab visiting dreamers, not just some freakish kid who couldn’t specialize in any element and had some weird, scary magic. I mostly thought they were hot, though.”
She kissed his cheek, feeling an overwhelming affection for the kid he once was. “Were some of the lines you practiced in front of the mirror from this play?”
“Yeah, but I never actually used them. Couldn’t make them come up naturally in conversation. I can try to use some of them on you, but I wouldn’t demote you from goddess to saint.”
Sydney looked delighted. “You’re such a secret nerd. You’re right about me, though. I don’t actually believe in soulmates or love at first sight, it’s not something I relate to. I’m not really “susceptible” to it without forming a bond first, as you once put it. But in the universe of the play they are definitely… fated. Destiny brought them together, and brought them to their deaths. There is an inevitability to all of it. They are so tiny in life, just children, really, trying desperately to cling to their love amidst an unstoppable tide of senseless hatred.” Her voice caught. “But they can’t resist it. Romeo tries to be peaceful and to avoid a fight, only to have Mercutio take up the mantel of hatred in his place. When he tries to break up that fight, his friend receives a deadly blow from under his arm. Those generations and generations of feuding are just so much bigger than they are. Nothing they could do would stop it except sacrificing everything.”
Adrian looked at her with so much love and concern that she had to turn away. She looked at the night sky through the window, but didn’t want to look into the reflection of her own troubled eyes.
“Their little island of joy could never last,” she continued. “It was youthful arrogance to think they could face all that. Or that with some brilliant plan they could escape and be happy, while the world they left behind continued to burn, people continued to suffer and die. Their messages got lost, because fate can’t be fooled. Theirs was sealed from the prologue. They are star-crossed, nothing but their deaths could end their parents’ strife.”
Adrian gently wipes away a stray tear. “This isn’t about Romeo and Juliet.” She leaned into his hand and closed her eyes as he traced the silver lily on her cheek. “Are you sure you don’t wanna tell me about your meeting with Marcus?”
She pulled away. “Emma was on that mission for Marcus, visiting some old recluse dhampir, when the Strigoi attacked her. And as formidable a fighter as he used to be, it was a minor miracle that the dhampir managed to save her. Apparently, he only managed to get the jump on the Strigoi because she was distracted. And what the Strigoi was distracted by was her shock that Emma’s blood was undrinkable.”
Adrian considered this for a few seconds. “Is she a witch too? Did that get her blood coated in human magic like yours?”
“No. Not to our knowledge. She just has a tattoo broken by my ink. With my magic in it. It could mean that everyone who got their tattoo broken has some level of protection against Strigoi, some human magic coating their blood. There was a weird case a couple years ago with a rogue alchemist who was killed but not drained. This time there are witnesses, though.”
“There could be a way to protect people? A way that doesn’t involve spirit?”
The Strigoi vaccine research had come to a frustrating dead end, in spite of the spirit researchers’ best efforts. It was impossible to mass-produce anything that had the same effects as a newly restored person’s blood, and even with the discovery of new spirit users, a Strigoi restoration was a rare occurrence. They exhausted all other avenue’s for research, and all that was left was… their son’s blood, brimming with spirit. As much they would love to help more people, they couldn’t allow Declan to be experimented on like a lab rat. He deserved a normal childhood, and that depended on keeping the secrecy of his origin.
“It’s not conclusive, but it’s a promising! I don’t know if the effect is as strong as a witch’s blood, or if it’s permanent. Maybe a dedicated Strigoi could still turn you. From what we know about the properties of the ink and how it interacts with blood, I doubt it would work on Moroi at all, but I think it could maybe work on dhampirs. If it even works on humans, that is. Maybe Emma could have some latent magic she used unknowingly.”
Adrian’s face lit up, and Sydney couldn’t help but smile back.
“That’s great! You already make a lot of that ink yourself, and you’ve taught other people to make it. There are so many people already tattooed. You don’t need blood extracted on a special event that happens once in a blue moon.”
“There are a lot more subjects for study, but now we have basically the same problem we first had with the spirit vaccine. We can’t very well go around offering people as Strigoi snacks so we can test the effectiveness of the vaccine, or if it needs any tweaks. It’s bad enough we had Emma as an unwilling test subject.” She shuddered. “God, Adrian, you should have seen her. I can’t believe she traveled all this way in that state.”
“I know you’ve been worried about her since the attack, but Marcus wouldn’t have brought her if she was in danger, would he? She’ll be okay.”
“She’s stable now, and she insisted on coming to tell the story herself. Because she was excited about the vaccine, and because she actually wanted to thank me.”
“You did help save her life, if only indirectly.”
“I can’t believe she does what she does. Going on all these missions for Marcus. She went through the same things I did, I know she fears re-education more than any Strigoi, and yet… she’s out there fighting. Risking being caught, being sent back to that nightmare. I couldn’t do that.”
“We do what we can to help. Making the ink, helping fugitives hide, it’s not nothing. And it's something others might not be able to do. These days Emma deals with what happened by going on missions for the Merry Men and retaking control. But some of your other re-education mates found some place to stay and build a life. Do you think it’s wrong of them to want some peace? To want to heal?”
“No. Of course not.” After she got her fellow inmates amnesty, some of them laid low, while some risked their freedom in order to help others. She knew that even the ones who were active in the Merry Men didn’t resent her for the life she chose. They sported their silver lilies proudly, and treated her like some coordinating leader.
“It’s not wrong for you to want a life, to want to feel safe. You’re allowed to want to be happy. Sometimes you have to take care of yourself first. It’s no use driving yourself to the edge trying to help everyone else. You have to be healthy.”
“I know, I know,” she said weakly.
“So, are you feeling guilty that Emma is out there trying to be a superwoman, and you want a normal life?”
She thought remorsefully of Emma smiling tearfully and thanking her for her role in saving her life. Sydney’s mind, having quickly gone through the practical implications of a vaccine, already swam with the consequences this would have for her family. It wasn’t guilt, but a cold fear that thrilled through her veins.
“I’m scared. I’m afraid I won’t have a choice any more, about what type of life I want. Right now, the Alchemists don’t know, or, more likely, can’t prove that I’m making the ink for Marcus. If we want to get the resources to properly study this, I don’t think it can fly under the radar for long.”
He took her hand in his and she gripped it tightly. “The Alchemists helped with the spirit vaccine; you don’t think they’d want this one too?”
“If making people immune to Strigoi also makes them immune to their mind control, I think the Alchemists might suppress it. I think they’re more worried about their power than human souls. And if they know I’m involved, I’m not sure there’s any amount of blackmail material I could use to keep them away from us. Our tenuous truce could be over.”
They’d built a life here. Their home, their family, even jobs they loved. Declan was so excited about joining his dad’s class next year. Would they still be here by then? Would they have had to pack up and flee? The thought of homeschooling him in some hidden safe house, after everything they did to give him a normal childhood, filled her with anguish. Perhaps they would still get to celebrate their next anniversary in this house, with all the warm memories that made it home. But would they just be waiting with baited breath for the inevitable moment when it would all come crashing down?
“You couldn’t hide this? Or pass it on to another witch?”
“Maybe. Maybe not. None of the other witches working with Marcus have as much experience in this area as I do. And it could be dangerous for them. He’s looking into the straightening relationship between the Warriors of Light and the more extremist Alchemist factions, the ones who are tired of ‘fighting evil by cataloguing it’. They might be cooperating with the Warriors in keeping Moroi and dhampirs captive. They don’t think any higher of witches; I doubt they’d be above hurting them.”
It wouldn’t be a smart move, to go after a witch, they’d attract the wrath of the whole magical community. But it wasn’t exactly smart to kidnap Moroi and dhampirs either.
Adrian looked pained. “They wouldn’t be above hurting you either. It’s no less dangerous for you.”
She nodded. “It’s not. But this could help a lot of people. It’s not just the ink, though. I think this just made it impossible for me to ignore something that has been brewing for a while. The Alchemists are getting more divided and unstable. Every day there are more people demanding a real end to re-education, not just the rebranding they did after we burned it down, and all sorts of other changes. Zoe is doing her best to help with that effort, but I can see her hope waning, and rightfully so. There have been some symbolic reforms, but now the old guard is responding with even more repression.”
She brought her hand up to her cross and continued. “Reformists aren’t getting anywhere. The Alchemists are still hurting people. Moderates are just leaving. Marcus has more potential recruits than he can vet properly, even with the expanded operations. ”
She’d kept the Alchemists at bay by threatening to reveal their connection with the Warriors to the Moroi. If the faction that wanted that re-approximation with the Warriors – and perhaps total war against the Moroi – took over, they wouldn’t be dissuaded by that.
“Even if I forget about the vaccine. If that powder keg explodes, when it does, we won’t come out unscathed. If the extremists take over… They consider our very existence a humiliation. I’m not sure we have the option not to face them. And I don’t know how we could possibly win that fight,” she finished.
He ran his hand thorough his hair. “We knew this could happen. That’s why we have escape routes and safe houses planned. If it really comes to that, we’ll deal. We’re not unprotected.”
“What kind of life is that though? Living on the run, with your bags packed for a quick escape. Bouncing from place to place.” She’d been sad and scared all evening, but now her anger rose up. How could they be allowed to banish her from her home? To force her family into hiding? How could they still have power over her after all these years, just because she was born into them? They fought hard for their freedom, and apparently had only delayed the inevitable. “I wish we’d burned the entire thing down. But we’re going up against something so much bigger than us.”
“We aren’t facing it alone, you know. It’s not gonna be you and I trying to bring down the Alchemists by ourselves. And whatever comes, we’ll face it together. No trembling, no faltering. They aren’t unstoppable, we are. You and I aren’t star-crossed. We’ll make our own luck.”
“Will we defy the stars?” She smiled feebly.
He stroked her tattooed cheek once again. “You didn’t let them control you before, and you’re not going to start now.”
He touched his forehead to hers softly and she relaxed on his lap. The situation seemed no less dire than it had before, but having shared her fears with him she could breathe easily again. She could look at the future with clearer eyes.
They sat silently until Eddie’s booming voice called them down to dinner.
“Do you wanna come down? I can bring your dinner up.”
“I’m coming down. I want to be around all of you and have an ordinary dinner. Or a super awesome special dinner I guess.”
He flashed her a smile and they both got up slowly.
She glanced around the room a last time. “We were very happy here, weren’t we?”
“We are happy here. And we’ll be happy here a while longer.”
She knew her family wouldn’t suddenly be yanked out of their lives anytime soon, but she couldn’t help but grieve the life she might lose. It still felt like an ending, like the start of a long good-bye. But she would cherish every moment she still had.