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“What in the blue, blistering—?” Haddock shouted from the bathroom doorway.
“Shhh, Captain, it’s me.” Tintin sat up where he’d tumbled through the hotel window in front of Haddock. He closed the window and the curtains. Haddock yanked his robe shut, concealing shorts and nothing more.
“You couldn’t have used the door, lad?” he asked. Tintin caught a glimpse of the thicket of hair on his chest. His eyes didn’t linger.
“Captain, the police are after me. The drug cartel planted evidence against me. I came to warn you.” Tintin brushed himself off. “The police will come to question you eventually. I need you to—” A loud knocking at the door. Tintin dove behind the bed. “I’m not here,” he hissed, “ I’m not here .” Haddock fumbled to tie off the robe. Tintin covered his mouth. Footsteps, and the door opened.
“Oh, gentlemen. What can I do for you?” Haddock asked. He wasn’t the best liar under pressure, which made Tintin nervous. He heard indistinct voices. “No, I haven’t seen him since last night. Why?” More indistinct voices. “What?” Haddock said with unconvincing incredulity. Tintin winced. “Why would you say that? You know Tintin wouldn’t do anything like that!” Tintin strained his ears.
“...known Tintin a long time, it’s true, but evidence is evidence.”
“To be precise: Evidence is evidence.”
“We must uphold the law.”
“Well, even if Tintin did do that, I haven’t seen him,” Haddock wouldn’t convince anyone like that.
“Nonetheless, we’re going to need to search your room, Captain.” Tintin froze.
“Well, er, I’d rather you didn’t. It’s, er, it’s very messy, you see.”
“Oh, we don’t mind.”
“Not at all.”
“And, erm, I’m not dressed.”
“The robe is fine, my good sir.” Haddock said something else that Tintin couldn’t hear, but it didn’t sound convincing. Then, Tintin had an idea. If he...yes! That just might work! Tintin swallowed and patted his throat. He peeked over the bed at Haddock’s back.
“Captain, we really do need to—”
“ Archie ,” Tintin said in a breathy falsetto. Haddock’s entire body seized up. “ Come back to bed. ” Haddock’s ears and entire neck turned bright red.
“...ah. It seems you have your hands full.”
“We’ll come back later, Captain.” Haddock said nothing. He closed the door slowly and locked it. Tintin emerged from behind the bed. Haddock turned towards him. His face had flushed beet red too. Tintin smiled sheepishly.
“Well, it worked, didn’t it?” he said. Haddock said nothing. He pointed a trembling finger at Tintin and opened his mouth. He closed it. His robe had fallen open, revealing that his flush spread down his chest in a fascinating way. Haddock didn’t seem to notice. Tintin wanted to stare, but he kept his eyes on the Captain’s face. Tintin’s smile widened. “What?” He stepped around the bed. “Don’t tell me an old sailor like you is that prudish.” Haddock took a deep breath.
“Do you have any idea what you—?” He stopped and took another deep breath. “Do—” He stopped again. “You really don’t—” His mouth clamped shut.
“Captain, you’re being very sil—” Haddock cut him off by crossing the space between them and grabbing Tintin. Tintin found himself pulled tight to the Captain’s chest with a hot mouth on his own. The intensity of the kiss drew a gasp from him that Haddock swallowed without hesitation. Tintin’s toes curled in his shoes. He’d never experienced anything like this. Haddock’s hot breath, his chapped lips against Tintin’s own, the scrape of his beard against Tintin’s face, and, oh , a slippery tongue in his mouth. Tintin couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think. His head spun. He was completely overwhelmed by the passion of the kiss. Then Haddock pulled back and let go of him. Tintin panted.
“Thundering typhoons, Tintin. I’m...I’m sorry,” Haddock said. He looked at Tintin with wide, stricken eyes. Tintin stared at him, cross-eyed and open-mouthed. “I shouldn’t have done that. I just...you were..and when you...it made me...” Haddock’s face crumpled. Tintin blinked. Was he supposed to say something? Tintin didn’t know where he was, to be perfectly honest. “Forgive me, lad.” Tintin ought to say something.
“I didn’t know kissing could be like that.” Tintin had never heard his own voice so soft and dazed.
“Tintin—”
“Good Lord, Captain, give me a moment.” Tintin clutched his head. He must have scrambled eggs for brains now. “That was...I’ve never...”
“ Blistering barnacles, that wasn’t your first kiss, was it?” Haddock’s eyes bulged. Tintin shook his head. “Oh, thank God. If I had...I would have never forgiven myself.” Tintin hit himself around the head. He shook his head twice. Better. He could think now. He walked up to Haddock and took him by the shoulders. “Tintin, please, I’m s—”
“Captain,” Tintin said. Haddock’s mouth snapped shut. “I have to go now. Snowy is waiting for me. I’m going to sort all of this out. But,” he said, “When all of this is over and we’re back home in Marlinspike Hall,” he poked his finger into the Captain’s chest, “You’re going to kiss me like that again. Do you understand?” Haddock’s eyes widened. He nodded. Tintin rose to his tiptoes and pecked Haddock on the lips. “See you soon.” He stole out the window, leaving Captain Haddock staring after him.