Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

There’s just... something about seeing Eren’s back that makes Levi feel uneasy. Something that makes Eren feel far away. Even if he’s just standing there. Even if they’re only a few feet apart. It always feels like Eren is… running. Running far, far away to somewhere Levi can’t reach. 

Levi just can’t fathom why the sight of this brat he barely knows makes him feel so damn sad. That day in the courtroom, guilt wrecked his insides even though he knew he needed to do it for Eren to survive. And it's not just moments like that either. He’ll see Eren training, tidying up the stables, doing anything, and part of Levi just aches. 

And the ache settles deeper within him whenever he catches a glimpse of Eren’s back. 

Eren has his back to Levi now. He’s dusting the bookshelves in Levi’s office while Levi does paperwork. They don’t talk, not often. Eren seems as on edge around Levi as much as the other recruits do. That’s fine with Levi; he doubts he’d be able to get along well with the brat that makes him inexplicably miserable whenever they’re in each other’s proximity. If Levi had a choice, he’d try to stay away from Eren at all costs. But he can’t exactly avoid another soldier for no reason—especially not one he already took personal responsibility for—and he has no desire to explain his strange bursts of gloominess to anyone. 

Maybe Eren just reminds him of someone else. Someone Levi has lost. His energy and rashness does evoke images of Isabel, if Levi’s really trying hard to make comparisons. But thinking of her on its own doesn’t bring up that pain, that ache, so why does just glancing at Eren make Levi feel so—

“Captain?”

Levi blinks, setting his pen on the desk. Eren is facing him—the ache lessens a little, but why, for fuck’s sake—dusty cloth in hand. Green eyes are large with confusion and concern, and Eren’s body is rigidly straight as he meets Levi’s gaze from across the room.

“What?” Levi asks.

“Did I do something wrong? Or did I miss a spot? If you could point it out to me—”

Oh. 

Levi must have been staring again. That’s been another added confusion to this already messy situation. Despite hurting every time he looks in Eren’s direction, Levi always has a hard time looking away. 

Levi drops his head against his palm, massaging his temples with his fingers. What a fucking mess. He’s just waiting for the day he ruins a mission over this dreary bullshit. 

“No,” Levi says. “You can continue.”

He needs to tear his mind out of this somehow. He’s lived a miserable fucking life, watched so many loved ones and friends die. This, this unexplainable, unreasonable sadness is not going to be what bogs him down and distracts him from his work. Eren has done nothing but be a reliable new recruit, besides some incidents that weren’t his fault. Levi needs to cool whatever these miserable feelings are before his frustration with himself builds and he lashes out against this innocent brat—

“...Captain?”

Levi raises his head out of his hand, finding that Eren has moved closer instead of getting back to work, just a few steps away from Levi’s desk. He’s wringing that dusty cloth in his hands as he stares down at Levi, green irises trembling.

“Something wrong?” Levi asks, sitting up a little straighter. He doesn’t see that vulnerable look on Eren’s face often, and when he does, it’s usually because someone’s gotten hurt or worse. 

Levi’s learned that it’s the face Eren makes when he blames himself. They didn't need to speak often for Levi to quickly learn what that look meant. Levi’s seen it enough times—seen the incidents that caused the expression enough times to know. 

What Levi doesn’t know is why Eren is wearing that expression right now. Or why the consistent, dull ache in Levi’s chest has gotten sharper, more painful. 

“No,” Eren says, but he bites his lip, averting his gaze. “Can I ask you something?”

“You might as well.”

Eren’s eyes travel the room, from the floors to the walls before finally landing on Levi’s face. 

“Have you ever—” Eren grimaces. “This is going to sound ridiculous, but… have you ever… injured your face?”

Levi frowns. 

“My face?”

“A really bad injury,” Eren continues, stepping closer. “Bad enough to leave a scar.”

Eren draws a line across his own face. He starts from his forehead, then across his right eye, all the way down to his chin. 

“Like that,” Eren says.

This is ridiculous. Of course not. If Levi had gotten injured that badly, he’d still have the scar on his face. He’d probably be blind in one eye too. Eren is talking nonsense. Why is he even asking Levi this?

Levi opens his mouth to say as much. But then his face starts to burn in the same exact spots that Eren had drawn out on his own face. In other places too. Across his cheek. Then more, in small thin lines across the other side of his face. Burning, piercing pain, like someone cut him with a hot knife. 

Levi’s gaze drops to his hands. He has ten fingers. Fully functioning hands. But there are two fingers that he can’t feel, can’t move, even though he can see them. The index and middle fingers on his right hand. 

“What…” Levi drags his gaze back up to Eren. “What did you just do?”

Eren’s already apprehensive face falls, the dusty cloth falling from his hands.

“So it’s all real,” Eren whispers, taking a step away from Levi’s desk. 

“What’s real?” Levi snaps, hurriedly clenching his fists in an attempt to gain feeling in his fingers again.

His hand closes eventually, but the index and middle lag behind the other fingers, slower, not quite holding the shape of his fist as well. Why? What’s wrong with him? Why did that little question from Eren set his body out of whack?

“Oh, no,” Eren says, covering his mouth with his hands. “No. It’s real, but I was supposed to—it was supposed to fix everything so why am I here again? ” 

And what the fuck is Eren going on about?” 

“Eren,” Levi says, pushing himself out of his seat. “Slow down.”

Eren’s eyes are wide and his pupils are minuscule, panic and fear warping his face as he continues to back away from Levi with his hands over his mouth.

“No, no, I’m going to do it all over again. The Founder—she’s going to mess with my head all over again—”

“Eren,” Levi snaps, trying to get the brat to listen to him for even a second. 

Eren wasn’t making any sense. What is he going to do again? What is this founder he's talking about?

Why is he standing in the corner of Levi’s office, his back against the wall, looking like the world’s about to end? 

Green eyes finally flick over to look at Levi again, but they’re still wide, erratic. Levi takes slow steps towards him, his hands held out in front of him, like he’s walking towards a wild dog that can’t tell the difference between friend and foe. 

“No,” Eren says, his hands falling away from his mouth as he curls in on himself, trying to back himself further into the corner. His hands wrap around his forearms, and Levi can see where the fabric on his sleeves dips as he tries to dig his nails into his flesh. “Captain, don’t —”

Considering the fact that Eren’s a titan shifter whose transformation is triggered by self-harm—and those fingernails against his arm look damn close to pushing through the fabric of his sleeve—Levi’s got much worse than a wild dog to deal with if things go south. 

“Eren,” Levi says. “I’m going to come over there, and you’re going to explain what’s going on.”

“Captain, please , I—I hurt you. I hurt everyone! I don’t want to do it again—”

Levi finally gets close enough to grab Eren by the shoulders, and Eren tenses at the touch but finally falls silent, his gaze dropping to the floor. Eren’s whole body sags as he turns his head away, and the ache within Levi is just pounding, throbbing, getting worse by the second. Like a terrible headache, but it’s trapped within his ribcage, punishing his insides. If Levi didn’t have a high pain tolerance, it’d be debilitating. 

But Levi has definitely fought through worse bullshit than this before.

“Eren, listen to me.”

“But Captain—”

“Eren.” Levi squeezes his shoulders tighter, and Eren goes quiet again. “You’re not going to hurt anyone. That’s why I’m here, so that you can’t.”

Eren scowls, raising his head just enough to glower down at Levi.

“You don’t understand—”

“Then fucking explain,” Levi snaps, “instead of standing there and rambling to yourself like a fucking idiot. The only way I can help is if you tell me what’s going on.”

They’re both quiet for a long moment. When Eren finally speaks up again, it’s in a broken, feeble voice. 

“...Okay.”

With his face still burning with invisible scars and the feeling in his fingers fading in and out like reverse phantom limbs, Levi sighs, bracing himself for a long explanation.

~ ~ ~

Every word that comes out of Eren’s mouth after that is utter nonsense. The Armored and Colossal Titans are more of Eren’s old cadet buddies, just like the Female Titan was, and there are even more shifters tied to Eren in various ways. Eren's going to be kidnapped. Erwin will die to a talking titan. The walls are made of titans and the titans are actually humans—

It's all absolutely absurd stuff, like a bad, exaggerated conspiracy theory. A whole world beyond the walls, a war, and Eren—Eren's going to start something called "The Rumbling" and kill so many people—

Eren. Eren, who beats himself up over every comrade in arms that dies trying to save him, is going to wipe out four-fifths of the population. Eren, who is currently staring miserably down at a teacup as he sits by the desk in Levi’s bedroom, looking about as threatening as a puppy that’s been kicked in the teeth. 

Levi pinches the bridge of his nose, his eyes squeezed shut as he heaves a sigh. They migrated to Levi’s quarters to avoid any unwanted interruptions—shit, with so many moles apparently in the Survey Corps, Eren’s life would be in more danger than ever, knowing all their plans before they even get to make them. Levi is sitting across the room from Eren, perched on the edge of his bed and sporting a massive headache, along with every other form of ache his body has already decided to torture him with today. 

Fuck. 

“Eren.”

Eren lifts his head as Levi opens his eyes. He sets his tea onto Levi’s desk, sitting up a little straighter. (Levi would be drinking too, if he thought his dominant hand could have a firm grip on the cup while he still has two limp noodles for fingers). 

“Yes, sir?” 

“...You’re sure about all this?”

Eren’s face falls, and he frowns at the floor, his hands clenched into fists in his lap. 

“You don’t believe me,” Eren says, raising his voice as frustration bleeds into his words. 

“Yeah, well, sorry if it’s hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that our hope for humanity is actually going to fucking annhilate us,” Levi snaps, and Eren flinches, hanging his head. 

“I’m sorry.”

“No,” Levi mumbles, sighing again. “Shit, I—It’s just a lot, alright? Why did you decide to tell me this, anyway? Erwin probably knows what to do with all this more than I do.”

Eren’s hands lace together in his lap before he looks up and meets Levi’s gaze.

“...You really don’t remember anything, Captain?”

“Not a thing,” Levi replies. “But these injuries that I should only have—what, five years from now?—hurt like a bitch, if that makes you feel better.”

“I just thought…” Eren falters, his gaze sliding away again. “I was just sure that you knew, too. Just like me.”

“Why?”

“Well, sir, it’s just that…” Levi watches as Eren’s shoulders tense. “You’ve always looked at me like you regretted something. Like I’ve done something that disappointed you, even when we first met.”

Regret, huh?

Levi looks down at his hands, thinking of the ache in his chest—the ache that’s still lingering right now. The ache that flares up even more painfully when he sees Eren’s back. Maybe somewhere, deep down, he remembers. Maybe he remembers the future Eren, who leaves everyone behind to chase some pipe dream of freedom that leads to the deaths of the majority of humanity—the end of the titans too, but still… That's so much death. So many innocent lives caught in the crossfire.

What would Levi feel if the Eren sitting before him ended up going that path as well?

“If there was something I regretted,” Levi says, and when he raises his gaze, green eyes are already looking his way. “It was probably not stopping you while I could.”

Eren’s still looking at him, but his eyes are dark. His back isn’t to Levi, but Levi still gets that sense again—the sense that Eren’s far away, that he’s running.

“Eren.”

“...Yes, sir?”

“Was I able to talk to you at all? After I found out your plans.”

Eren closes his eyes.

“No,” Eren says quietly. “I think I remember you trying—you and everyone else trying to get me to wait. To stop and listen for a second.”

“But you didn’t.”

“No… No, Captain, I didn’t.”

Levi wonders if they still have the time to get Eren to listen. If the knowledge of the past will help them now.

~ ~ ~

Levi convinces Eren to at least tell Erwin. Erwin is attentive. He takes notes, asks questions that Levi was too overwhelmed to think of. 

“And how did you remember all this?” Erwin asks.

Erwin seems to believe everything, which is astonishing to Levi. Levi’s got imaginary scars burning across his face, and it’s still not quite getting through to him as something even remotely probable. Being reborn, remembering his past life… Plus there's all the madness that Eren claims will occur.

Erwin is also the one person that Levi expected to have the weird reverse phantom limb that Levi has, but apparently Erwin’s arms feel fine. Not even a hint of numbness in the arm that will apparently be gone before the year is out. And yet Levi's fingers still feel like they're fading in and out of existence. 

Is it just Levi and Eren experiencing this?

“At first,” Eren says, “it was just flashes—memories whenever I transformed.”

“Into your titan form?” Erwin asks. 

Eren nods, fiddling with the straps of his uniform. 

“And then I started having dreams every night. That’s how I remembered everything. Everything until I died.”

It startles Levi slightly, how easily Eren's able to say it. He says it with all the indifference of someone announcing how they just killed a bug. 

He wonders when exactly it was that Eren learned how he was going to die.

“And who killed you?” Erwin asks. 

“Mikasa,” Eren replies, rubbing his neck with his hand. “She cut off my head.”

Erwin and Levi meet each other’s gazes. Mikasa? The girl who’s so attached to Eren she’s risking her life for him every few seconds? The little brat still hates Levi for kicking Eren in the courtroom that day, even though Eren would probably be dead right now if Levi hadn’t. How is she the one that puts an end to Eren?

“Well,” Erwin says, “I’ll see what I can do with this information. Thank you, Eren.”

Eren nods, solemnly, still rubbing his throat with his hand. He gets up and heads towards the door, his head lowered. 

“Eren,” Erwin says, and the younger man pauses with his hand on the door. “I’ll do my best to rewrite history. Just keep your head up, and keep fighting.”

Eren's eyes grow wide for a moment, and then he smiles for the first time all day.

“Yes, sir!”

When it’s just Levi and Erwin, Levi sighs, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest.

“You really think you can do that?”

“Well,” Erwin says. “I can attempt. Though it will be hard to get people to act based on our teenage titan shifter’s visions of the future.” 

Levi scoffs.

“So we’re fucked.”

“...Most likely.”

Levi shakes his head, pushing off the wall and making his way towards the door. 

“I need to get back to work.”

“Levi.”

“What?”

“Watch over him.”

Eren's not in the room, yet Levi still gets that now-familiar ache in his chest. 

“...I will.”

~ ~ ~

The titans being in the walls turns out to be the truth. And so does the talking titan—or the Beast Titan, more accurately. And so does everything else Eren has predicted up until that point. 

It’s no longer about believing for Levi. Eren’s predictions are too uncanny, too exact to be coincidences. All they can try to do now is work with them.

Except that’s easier said than done. 

Eren’s concept of time within his memories is blurry at best. He doesn’t know exactly when things will happen, or how quickly time passes between those incidents. And, at a certain point, any sense of order within Eren's mind just stops.

That’s the point when the Founder takes over, according to Eren. When he no longer understands his own thoughts, when his past self began seeing the elimination of humanity as a viable option. 

Levi and Erwin are doing all they can to stop it, to change the way things occur, but everything happens far too quickly for them to plan ahead, until they’re acting on instinct, with no way to implement their new knowledge. 

History is repeating itself, and it’s weighing on Eren. 

Levi can tell because the brat visits him and tells him so. 

There’s no one else Eren can go to about this. It’s only Levi who listens, who has the time to, who has a chance of understanding. Erwin believes, but he doesn't have that connection to the past, not in the way Levi does. Levi’s still aching when he sees Eren, still throbbing with regret at the sight of his back. Levi doesn't want to have regrets in his next life too. So Eren comes to him whenever he can, and Levi does his best. It’s all he can do. 

“It’s so… It’s so frustrating ,” Eren snaps, his hands clenched into fists over his knees as he sits on the floor beside Levi’s bed. “I-I know what’s going to happen, and I’m trying to do better, be better , but I—”

Eren falters, his head lowering.

“But I can’t. It’s all happening all over again… I’m going to kill everyone. I’m going to ruin everything—”

Levi drops his hand on Eren’s head. He’s sitting on the bed above Eren, trying not to lean too heavily on his injured leg.

“I won’t let it happen,” Levi says, ruffling Eren’s hair before pulling his hand away again. “We’ll figure something out.”

Large green eyes peer hesitantly up at him, watery and drowning in doubt. 

“...Really?”

Levi really shouldn’t be making promises he can’t keep.

“Really.”

But he wants to believe it just as badly as Eren probably does. Especially because Levi has been having dreams lately too. Dreams of a tall, brown-haired man whose back is always to him, continuously marching in the direction of a barren landscape, covered in massive, titan-sized footprints. 

He has to help Eren this time. He has to.

“Has anything changed from how you remember it?” Levi asks. “Anything at all?”

Eren sniffles, rubbing at his eyes. 

“I remember spending a lot of time with Mikasa in between missions,” Eren says, “but this time around, I’ve been spending most of that time with you.”

Levi scoffs. So that’s why she’s been glaring at Levi even more furiously than usual. He wonders if she unconsciously remembers too. 

“Anything else?”

Eren shakes his head. Levi blows out a sigh, leaning back slightly.

“Alright. What’s the next big thing that you remember then?” 

“Um… Being kidnapped by Reiner.”

Reiner. Right. The brat that Erwin was trying to find a way to prove was the Armored Titan so that he could arrest the bastard. If it was up to Levi, they would have locked him up already, evidence or not. But that's because Eren's old memories are evidence enough for Levi now. 

“A kidnapping,” Levi says, running his fingers through his hair. “I can work with that.”

Eren blinks at him for a moment before throwing a confused frown up at his captain. 

“...Huh?”

~ ~ ~

Hanji keeps pestering Levi, asking how he got permission to be out here with everyone when his leg is still injured. He tries to tell them that he came under Erwin’s orders, but they keep questioning, pestering at all the inopportune moments. That’s why he ends up late. 

He misses Reiner’s monologue, his focus only returning after he hears Mikasa scream “Eren, run!” At the same moment, Eren yells out, “Captain!”

There are three of them with their swords out. Mikasa, Levi, and Eren. According to Eren, it was only Mikasa the first time around. Back then, Eren was frozen with shock, along with everyone else. Levi wasn’t even in the area then. 

As Levi sprints through the crowd on his wobbly and aching leg, he thinks his past self had the right idea. He’d be dead weight in this situation if the two titan shifters transforming caught him off guard. 

Except he’s not caught off guard when the lightning is crackling. Levi made Eren run through this with him dozens of times. Mikasa runs in and attacks their human forms. They transform, Reiner grabs Eren, and then a fight ensues. The Survey Corps loses, and Eren gets taken. Levi knows the scenario, went through all the trouble of memorizing it, action by action.

So Levi’s 3DMG is already embedded into the wall by the time the heat and the waves of wind hits. His comrades’ bodies are being flung backward on either side of him, but for the most part, Levi is steady. Plus, Eren having his own blade ready in time led to a couple more of Bertholdt's limbs being chopped off. His transformation is late, just late enough for Levi to shove Eren out of Reiner's grabbing range before the waves of searing hot air finally knock his grappling hooks out of the concrete.

Levi slams into the ground hard, digging a blade beneath the metal tracks on the top of the wall to keep himself from being flung too far away. He needs to get back up. The plan isn’t over yet. He needs to back up Eren, keep the Armored away until Eren has time to transform—

No. No.

Levi can’t get up. He heaves himself up, using his blade like a cane, but when he tries to put any weight on his injured leg, it buckles, sending him crashing to the floor again. Shit, he doesn’t have time for this. He doesn’t have time to stumble around because of an injury he can’t even feel while his veins are pumped full of adrenaline. He needs to move!

“Captain, no!”

Levi hears Eren’s desperate yell, and then the heat from the Colossal Titan gets hotter.  He’s in the shadow of something. A hand. A massive, burning hand— shit, no —

“We’ll figure something out.”

Levi really believed that when he said it. Maybe he shouldn’t have.

Chapter Text

There’s just... something about seeing Eren’s back that makes Levi feel uneasy. He just met the kid, so there's no reason for him to react so strongly to him, for those uneasy feelings to well up in his chest. Is it the whole titan shifter thing that makes Levi want to punch himself in the gut? Is it the fact that Eren smiled while talking about murdering titans? No, Levi kind of appreciated that, actually. 

Levi doesn't know what it is. There's something about Eren that makes Levi feel heavy. Like he's supposed to be doing something. Like he's already too late to do it. 

And when Eren's back is to him, an ache in Levi's chest joins those miserable feelings. 

It's those feelings and that ache that make Levi warn Eren before they go into the courtroom. It's Levi, Eren, and the jail cell’s guards in the area, so Levi talks in a hushed voice, not wanting to be overheard. 

"I might have to do some unpleasant things in there," Levi says, "to show those bastards they should leave you as my responsibility. So, I need you to trust me. Alright?"

Levi's not sure why he's planning ahead this far, why he's rotating possibilities and warnings in his head. For all Levi knows, things could go perfectly fine.

It's just… Levi has a feeling. And he has a feeling that whatever has to happen might result in Eren getting hurt. 

He expects the brat to lash out or be confused or say that he won't trust Levi—a logical response for someone currently not trusted by anyone and trapped in a cell. But instead, Eren just nods, seemingly unbothered. 

“Okay.”

Levi frowns. 

“You’re not going to disagree or tell me to find some other way or some shit?”

Eren shakes his head. 

“I trust you, sir.”

Levi narrows his eyes at Eren, put off by his response.

“Just be prepared for anything.”

“Yes, sir.”

The uneasy feeling is rising. 

Freaky brat.

~ ~ ~

“So, we should probably have Eren’s room be in the basement, just in case he transforms in his sleep—”

“No,” Levi says, interrupting Hanji. “Put him in the room beside mine. I can deal with him if anything happens.”

Hanji raises their eyebrows at him, amusement swirling in their eyes. 

“You can deal with him shifting into a titan and crashing the roof on all of us in our sleep?”

Levi rolls his eyes. 

“He’s my responsibility. It’ll be easier for me to handle him if he’s close by.”

“But if he transforms—”

“Your options are him crashing through the floor in our sleep or crashing through the roof in our sleep, and one of those options has me close enough to end his rampage. Choose your potential death.”

Hanji holds up their hands in surrender, chuckling. 

“Okay, okay, fair enough. But be prepared to report that back to Erwin!”

“I will.”

“Can I watch?”

“Fuck off.”

~ ~ ~

Levi dreams of Eren. He dreams of the two of them, sitting together in his bedroom, chatting together over a cup of tea. The dream shifts to the two of them standing somewhere on the edge of something large and blue. It shines beneath the sun. It’s like a lake, but it’s far too large, stretching out in every direction. There are no walls in front of them. Only behind. 

And then he sees a massive, skeletal creature crawling through the water. It’s got a titan’s head and long dark hair that obscures all its features. It stirs up the water with its limbs, turning the pure blue liquid dark and muddy with every movement. When it lifts its head, it reveals piercing green eyes that look directly at Levi, just before all the water around it turns pitch black. Eren’s name flashes in his mind just before Levi wakes up in a cold sweat.

There’s knocking on his bedroom door. 

Levi crawls out of bed, disgusted by his own clammy skin as he makes his way to the door. He tries not to think too hard about his dream. Eren is already on his mind far too often for someone he's known for approximately two weeks. He's just another recruit, another new face that might be gone any day. They're going to get a whole shipment of brats just like him in a few weeks. Eren is—

Standing outside Levi's bedroom door in his nightclothes. Green eyes widen as Levi stares at him, dumbfounded in the doorway.

"C-Captain! Good evening, um…" 

Eren puts on a bright voice—too bright for whatever ungodly hour it currently is—and Levi nearly tells him to fuck off and let him go back to bed.

But Levi's eyes adjust to the dimly lit hallway, and he spies red beneath Eren's eyes. Red, puffy eyelids, like Eren has been crying. 

"What's wrong?"

"O-oh!" Eren laughs awkwardly, his gaze on the floor as he rubs the back of his neck with his hand. "You know, it's kind of silly. I'll just, uh, just head back—"

Levi sighs, grabbing Eren by the arm and pulling the younger man into the room.

"Just come in already."

"Y-yes, sir."

Levi drops onto the edge of his bed, and Eren lingers by the doorway, shuffling his feet.

Levi has yet to have a conversation alone with Eren since the time he warned Eren before kicking him in the courtroom. They've perhaps talked once or twice alone in passing—probably Levi telling him to clean up some more or assigning him some other task. But they've had no personal conversations at all. 

No personal conversations at all, yet here Eren is standing in Levi's bedroom. After Levi invited him in.

Fuck's sake, what is it about Eren that keeps driving Levi mad?

"Captain, it's really okay—"

"Just tell me what's wrong," Levi says. "What is it—you had a nightmare?"

Levi is half-joking when he says that, but Eren's expression crumbles, gripping his forearm tightly with his hand. 

"...Yeah. I did."

Levi sits up a little straighter. 

"What happened in it?"

"I—" Eren rubs his face with his hands. "Captain, I saw you. On top of one of the walls. You—you were saving me, and—the Colossal Titan was above you, he slammed his hand down on you—"

Ah. 

He's a new recruit after all. Titan-based nightmares are common, especially with newbies. Levi still gets them—hell, he just had one before Eren walked in. 

"Captain, I—I'm sorry. It was my fault—I'm so sorry. Because of me, you—"

Levi stands. It's not good for anyone to blame themselves for what happens in a nightmare. They all already blame themselves too much for what happens while they’re awake. Levi should probably help. 

Eren’s eyes are squeezed shut, his back against Levi's door as he grips his arms even tighter. Levi can see where his fingers dig into his sleeves and make them dip beneath his nails. 

An odd sense of deja vu stirs within Levi, but he pushes it back as he moves towards Eren. 

"Eren."

"I-I… It felt so real. It was like a memory. I just… it hurts, I can't—I don't want you to get hurt because of me, to die because of me—"

"Eren."

Levi's hands land on the younger man's shoulders, squeezing gently. Green eyes fly open, and Levi finds him staring up at Eren. After a moment, Eren releases his own arms, hesitantly grabbing Levi's sleeve and taking in slow, shaky breaths. 

"It was just a dream, Eren," Levi says. "I'm right here, alright?"

Levi's not sure why his chest aches to see Eren like this, why he feels so obligated to comfort him. It's just a nightmare. Everybody has nightmares. What Levi should be doing is telling Eren to grow the fuck up and go back to bed. 

But he just… can't bring himself to. 

"But what if it isn't?" Eren asks. 

"What?"

"What if it…" Eren sighs and shakes his head. "Nothing. It's stupid. I'm sorry. I should go back to my room…"

That's what Eren says, but his grip tightens on Levi's sleeve. Levi sighs slightly, giving Eren's shoulder another squeeze. 

"Come with me."

"Captain?"

Levi steps away from Eren for a bit, reaching into his dresser for a box of tea leaves. When he comes back to Eren, still standing in the way of the door, he scoffs, nudging the brat out of his way with his elbow. 

"Come on."

"But where are we going—"

"Just follow."

"The fact that you won't explain makes me nervous."

"Just trust me."

"The last time you told me to do that, you kicked me in the face!"

"What, would you prefer I not warn you next time?"

"There better not be a next time!" Eren exclaims, and Levi turns to shush him, slapping a hand over his mouth. 

Eren's face flushes as Levi half-heartedly glares up at him, the captain barely holding back a small smile. 

"You want to wake up the whole Survey Corps, shitty brat?"

"No, sir," Eren whispers from behind Levi's hand. "But you're partially to blame, I think."

Levi rolls his eyes, dropping his hand away from Eren's mouth as he absent-mindedly wishes he was able to see Eren like this back then. 

But then amusement gives way to another wave of frustrated confusion because when the hell is "back then?" Levi hasn't known Eren nearly long enough to warrant a thought like that. 

Levi pushes it to the back of his mind, deciding that it's the lack of sleep making his thoughts even messier than usual. 

"Captain."

"What?"

"Can I guess what we're doing?"

Levi rolls his eyes, walking down the dim stairwell with Eren in tow. 

"Sure."

"Okay. It's tea related."

Levi scoffs.

"What gave it away?"

"Okay, so tea… And we're going to drink it in the mess hall…"

"Your powers of deduction are incredible," Levi says. 

"Hey, thanks!"

"Your ability to detect sarcasm is even better."

Levi feels a punch against his back and lets out a low chuckle. 

"Feeling better?"

Eren is silent for a moment. Then Levi feels fingers curling into the back of his shirt.

"...I am. Thank you, Captain."

Something in Levi's chest does a flip, and he clears his throat, attempting to get a grip on his emotions. It's a late night and he didn't sleep well. He’s more reactionary because of it. That's the excuse Levi gives himself. 

When they reach the mess hall, Eren's still hanging onto the back of his shirt. Levi hurries to put a kettle of water over the fire and distract himself from the lingering presence behind him. He’s used to doing things like this alone. Not many soldiers are up this late at night, not after the training and the missions push them to the brink of exhaustion every day. Putting on a pot of chamomile after a nightmare is typically Levi’s most solitary activity. 

But it feels… normal for Eren to be here. Almost familiar. 

“Is this your favorite?” Eren asks, leaning over Levi’s shoulder as he prepares the tea leaves. 

“You could say that,” Levi says. “I drink it often. Helps me sleep.”

“Are you sure you want me to take from your secret stash?” Eren teases, leaning down to get a whiff of the tea leaves.

“If you come crying at my doorstep, it’s the least I can do.”

Eren stands bolt upright, face burning red. 

“I was not crying!”

“You were. Was it all because you had a bad dream of your beloved captain getting offed?”

“Don’t joke about that! And since when are you my ‘beloved’ anything?!”

“You’re being loud again.”

Eren glares at him, though he lowers his voice to a whisper.

“That’s your fault, again, Captain!”

"Sure, now shut up and wait for the tea to be ready."

Eren huffs and looks about ready to punch Levi again, but he obediently straightens up and waits for the water to boil. Levi shakes his head, amused.

He could get used to this.

Levi feels like he already is. Like he has been, for quite some time now. 

~ ~ ~

Eren comes to Levi every time he has a nightmare now. Asks for a cup of "Captain's Special Sleepy Tea."

"It's called chamomile," Levi says with a roll of his eyes as they walk their steaming cups back up to their rooms.

Eren lets out a little hum and takes a sip of the still-scalding liquid. 

"No, I like my version better. Rolls off the tongue a little easier."

"You're fucking delusional."

Eren laughs, muffling his voice with his hand. They slip into Levi's quarters, the captain closing the door quietly behind them. They have yet to run into anyone on these nighttime trips to the mess hall. Apparently, people are unlikely to be up in the early hours when they have to wake up at dawn. 

"So," Levi says as they slip into their respective spots across the room from each other, Eren by the desk and Levi on the bed. "What was your nightmare about this time?"

Eren's expression grows dark. His grip tightens on the teacup. 

"Everyone… Everyone on your squad, Captain… Because of me, they were killed by an abnormal. She tried to take me away, and you injured your leg saving me—"

"She?"

"A female titan, sir. With blond hair. She looked like someone I knew…"

Levi frowns over at Eren, bringing his cup to his lips. A strange thing to say. Levi has never once run into a titan that reminded him of any of his comrades. Their forms are too monstrous for it to even cross his mind. Come to think of it, Levi can’t think of a moment he saw a titan he could specifically identify as female, either. 

"Actually, Captain, I… These dreams I keep having… something doesn't feel right about them. They feel like memories, maybe even memories I’ve experienced more than once.”

Levi raises an eyebrow at him.

“You think you experienced the death of my squad multiple times?”

Eren scowls, setting his cup aside to press his fist against his forehead.

“I… It’s just that…”

Eren shakes his head. 

“No,” Eren mumbles. “Nevermind, this was stupid. I’m probably just imagining it.”

“Eren—”

“Thank you, Captain,” Eren says, getting to his feet. “I’m going to head back to bed.”

Eren slips out the door before Levi even has a chance to reply. 

Levi’s chest is aching as their tea goes cold.

~ ~ ~

Eren was right. The abnormal titan, its hair color, Levi’s squad… He was right all the way down to the detail about Levi’s injured leg. He was right about it all. 

Levi should have believed him. 

He swears to himself never to make this mistake again.

~ ~ ~

A thud rings throughout the hallway as Levi makes his way to the top of the stairs. Their meager bunch of survivors has just arrived back at their headquarters. Levi is empty-handed. For the squad he’d grown close to, respected, he thought he’d have at least one patch, one symbol of the Wings of Freedom to remember them by. 

But the only physical remnant he has from their fight is his shitty injured leg. 

There’s another thud. Then another. And another. 

The sound is coming from Eren’s room.

Levi makes his way over, thuds still reverberating throughout the empty hall. Eren’s hitting something. The wall, judging from the sound of it. When Levi knocks, the room behind the door falls silent. There’s no answer. Levi knocks again.

“...Who is it?”

“It’s me.”

“Captain?” 

Levi is met with more silence, and he raises his hand to knock once more. The door opens before he needs to. Eren is poking his head out of the door, gaze lowered.

“I’m sorry, Captain.”

Levi sighs. 

“Let me in, Eren.”

Eren bites his lip but backs away from the door, his arms held behind himself and out of sight. Levi walks in and nudges the door shut behind him. Eren backs away from him as Levi’s eyes scan the room, narrowing when they settle on Eren again.

“Hands,” Levi says. 

Eren blinks, raising his head.

“What?” 

“Show me your hands.”

Eren frowns, taking another step back.

“No.”

“Eren.”

“Sir, I don’t—”

Levi marches forward and grabs hold of one of Eren’s arms. Eren flinches when his bloody knuckles come into view, shoulders sagging. 

“I heal quickly anyway,” Eren grumbles.

“That’s not an excuse to beat yourself into a pulp, shitty brat.”

Levi tugs off his cravat. He doesn’t have the patience or the energy to go searching for real bandages right now. 

“Why are you doing this?” Eren asks as Levi wraps his cravat around one of Eren’s bloodied hands. “You know what I did.”

“What’d you do?” Levi asks.

“I killed them. I killed your squad.”

Levi stops halfway through tying the ends of the fabric into a knot and aims a frown up at Eren.

“No, you didn’t.”

“I might as well have!” Eren snaps. “I knew . I knew how. I knew where. I knew everything and I couldn’t do a thing to help them—”

“Eren,” Levi says sternly. “You didn’t kill them.”

“I’m why they’re dead!” Eren exclaims, yanking his hand away. The bloody cravat, not quite secured to Eren’s hand, falls to the floor. His knuckles are already steaming anyway, already healing. 

“Eren—”

“I knew and I didn’t do anything. I killed them.”

“Then I killed them too.”

Eren freezes, fixing Levi with a frown.

“What are you talking about?”

“I knew,” Levi says, stepping closer. “You told me, and I didn’t believe you.”

“That’s not your fault—”

“Yeah, no fucking shit. Just because we knew how they died doesn’t mean we knew how to save them.”

Eren’s hands clench into fists.

“But I should have—I should have figured out something—I should have known how to change things!”

“But you didn’t.”

“I…” Eren squeezes his eyes shut, voice faltering. “No. I didn’t.”

“Who killed them, Eren?”

“I—”

“Try again.”

“...The Female Titan.”

“So, let’s do something about her. You didn’t know what to do for our squad; let it go. There are still other people we can save with those memories of yours.”

Green eyes open slowly, sliding to Levi widened with hope.

“You think so?”

Levi nearly says ‘we’ll figure something out,’ but for some reason, he gets the urge to bite the words back and rephrase. 

“Let me help you.” 

“Captain…”

Levi barely registers Eren moving before the younger man crashes into him, his arms wrapping around Levi’s shoulders. Levi tenses, stumbling back slightly and landing with way too much weight on his injured leg. Levi lets out a hiss of pain, and Eren springs away from him, arms floundering in panic. 

“I-I’m so sorry! I, uh, I don’t know what I was thinking, Captain, sir, um—”

“Shit,” Levi says, “warn me before you tackle me. It was just earlier today that my leg got fucked.”

Eren’s face burns red, and he drops into a low bow.

“I’m so sorry, Captain, I’ll make it up to you. I-I’ll take poop cleaning duty in the stables for a week, so—”

Levi sighs, grabbing Eren by the head and tugging him to lean his head against Levi’s shoulder. Eren’s entire body goes rigid for a moment before he relaxes and moves closer, his hands moving to grasp Levi's shirt. 

“...Thank you, Captain.” 

Levi ruffles Eren’s hair, relieved that he finally got the brat to some semblance of calm. 

“Feeling better?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Want some tea?”

Eren shifts so that he can look at Levi, resting his cheek against the captain’s shoulder.

“Is it Special Sleepy Tea?”

Levi scoffs.

“I’m never calling it that.”

“Captain, has anyone ever told you, you’re extremely boring?” 

Levi shoves Eren off of him.

“Fuck you.”

Eren laughs, and Levi’s chest feels light, for once. If Levi had been paying attention, he might have noticed that his chest wasn’t aching when he looked at Eren, not even when he caught a glimpse of his back.

~ ~ ~

Levi wants to help. He wants to do something , anything to get them off the path towards humanity’s doom. 

Eren has told Levi everything he remembers, but it’s hazy at best. There are two sets of memories within Eren’s mind, two versions of his life branching out in different directions. Except they both end in the same spot. The Founder takes over. The Rumbling. Mikasa cuts off Eren’s head. 

The only difference is when Levi dies. 

“I’m supposed to just let those bastards kidnap you?” 

“Captain—”

“There has to be something—”

“I live through this, Captain!” Eren snaps. “You don’t. I… I’m not going to watch you die. Not again.”

Levi falls silent. Eren’s standing over him, chest heaving, hands clenched at his sides. He’s angry—he seems to be more and more these days. So is Levi. 

Because Levi is having dreams too. He and Eren are standing at the edge of that big blue space—the ocean, Eren calls it—and that skeletal thing is only getting closer each night. And it’s always staring at Levi. Always. 

“That was me,” Eren said one night when Levi finally confided in him. “That big titan you saw… It was me. During the Rumbling.”

Levi refuses to believe that Eren now and Eren after the Founder takes over are the same person. It’s brainwashing him or controlling him or… doing something to make Eren act against his will. It’s not really Eren. 

...Maybe Levi just tells himself that to make himself feel better. 

“Does it matter?” Levi asks. “Maybe my death is what’s necessary for humanity to survive—”

“ No! ” Eren exclaims. He’s trembling. “Stop, stop. I—that can’t be. I-I’d rather not fight for humanity if that’s—”

“Eren—”

“We’ll never reach freedom at this rate anyway!” Eren buries his face into his hands. “Free from the titans just to go to war, just to die , to kill everyone—that’s not freedom. If it was freedom, we wouldn’t still be here!”

Levi sighs. They’re not getting anywhere with this. And…

And Levi doesn’t know if Eren’s wrong. He doesn’t know if there’s a way out of this loop. He doesn’t know if there’s an ending where they get through this without losing Eren and four-fifths of the world. He doesn’t know if there’s an end to this at all. 

“I-I thought… I thought it would all be worth it,” Eren mumbled. “Even if I died, even if I sacrificed everything, at least you all would move on… The world would move on… But we’re just—”

“Eren.”

“Captain, please, I can’t watch you die—”

“I know.”

Eren raises his head out of his hands, green eyes dull as he looks over at Levi. Levi holds a hand out to him, beckoning.

“Come here.”

Eren’s expression softens a little bit, and he drifts closer to where Levi is sitting. When Levi stands, Eren practically collapses onto him, dropping his head onto Levi’s shoulder. 

“Captain…”

Levi reaches up and lays a hand on the center of Eren’s back.

“You might as well call me Levi, now.”

Eren pulls back slightly, eyes wide.

“Are you sure?”

Levi shrugs.

“It’s just us, anyway.”

“Levi…” Eren says slowly.

Levi watches the way his name forms on Eren’s lips, hushed in the quiet room. The corners of Eren’s lips quirk up a bit, the closest he’s gotten to a smile in days. Levi stares for just a moment too long, half-mesmerized, warmth spawning in his chest and crawling outward.

And then logic kicks in, and Levi realizes he definitely should not be staring at the lips of the subordinate that is half his age, fuck —

This… This isn’t…

No. 

There are too many things to worry about right now. Levi refuses to acknowledge whatever… whatever that just was. They don’t have the time, the luxury for things like that. 

Awkward half-hugs like the one right now are the only things he allows himself, and only because he has no other solution that calms Eren down so quickly. That’s it. Nothing more. 

...Shit. 

“Levi,” Eren murmurs, still testing out the name on his lips. Levi makes a point to stare at the wall instead of Eren.

“Eren,” Levi says, clearing his throat. “Don’t overdo it.”

“Oh.” Eren’s cheeks are stained red. “S-sorry, Levi, sir.”

Levi sighs and closes his eyes for a moment, praying for survival in more ways than one.

~ ~ ~

It’s frustrating, knowing that Eren is going to be taken away. Knowing that Levi can’t stop it, knowing that Eren has to brace for the pain, for the fight. 

“There has to be something —”

“Levi, just trust me. I don’t think… I don’t think we can change it, yet. I think we just have to follow what’s always happened, and…”

“And what?”

“And I try to keep my mind strong against Founder Ymir’s wishes.”

“You think you can?”

“I… I have to.”

They agreed. Levi would let things take their natural course. 

But just because he agreed to that doesn’t mean it won’t drive him crazy when the news finally reaches him about Eren’s capture. Agreeing doesn’t mean he isn’t going to curse his injured leg for every second that it aches. Because it’s frustrating, being sidelined for fights where he should be able to help, where he might be able to change things. 

And it drives Levi insane, having to hide out in the woods and watch Eren’s body get wrecked for those hardening experiments, knowing damn well that it won’t do any good. Eren told him about Kenny, about Rod Reiss, about that liquid that will finally give him the abilities Hanji is currently dragging him through the wringer to try and achieve. Levi knows, and he just has to wait and watch. 

And maybe the fact that their new temporary base is so small and crowded with fucking insomniacs that it’s hard for them to meet adds to Levi’s frustration too. They’re able to talk once before Eren is taken away again. Once. That’s it. 

“It gets blurry from here,” Eren says, pressing his fingers against his temples. “I remember… being in a cave with everyone. Drinking that stuff that gives me hardening. But words… exact actions… I can’t…” 

They’re sitting on Levi’s bed together, side by side. The rooms are cramped; there’s no room for them to keep their usual distance from each other. 

And... Levi doesn’t really want that distance between them, anyway. They’ll have enough of it soon.

“That’s fine,” Levi says. “You need anything?”

Eren shakes his head, rubbing his eyes with his hands. His green eyes are cloudy, muddled, sitting on top of the bags beneath his lids. He looks like he could use some rest. Though Levi’s not sure if even a lifetime of sleep will clear the exhaustion in Eren’s eyes.

“There’s nothing.”

Levi takes a deep breath. 

“Not even your…” He clears his throat. “...Special Sleepy Tea?”

Levi’s fucked. He’s so fucked. This brat that’s always in a corner of his mind—in his goddamn dreams —

This brat might be the death of him. Again. And in more ways than one.

His chest doesn’t ache and pool with uneasiness when they’re together anymore. Only when they’re apart. He’s not sure what that means, what any of this means.

The only thing that Levi knows for sure is that he wants to help Eren, in any way he can.

“I thought you would never call it that,” Eren says, a smile coming to his lips. It’s small, wobbly, but still a smile.

“It’s a special occasion.”

Eren laughs a little now, leaning his head on Levi’s shoulder.

“What special occasion? My second abduction?”

“Do you want the tea or not?”

“I do.” Eren moves a little closer, tilts his head up slightly. “I guess you’re not so boring after all, Cap—Levi.”

Eren’s so close, Levi can feel his breath. He can count Eren’s fucking eyelashes if he wants to. He needs to pull back. Eren has so many other things to worry about right now. Plus, he’s Levi’s subordinate, and a teenager to boot—

“Levi.” It always freezes Levi a little bit, the sight of his name on Eren’s lips. 

Eren is all the things that make Levi worry, that give Levi pause. But he’s also a friend, a confidant. They joke together, drink tea together. Eren even pesters all the other soldiers to do a better job of cleaning up so that Levi doesn’t have to. He’s someone Levi trusts, an ally with him against this fucked up loop called time. He fought for Eren. Died for him. Maybe the reason Levi keeps coming back to life is for him. 

And if Eren wants to, then… Then, can’t Levi allow himself this one thing? This one moment before they both have to suffer all over again?

Levi is fucked. So, so fucked. 

His hand moves to Eren’s cheek, and Eren straightens to his full height, leaning into Levi’s touch. 

“Feel free to stop me,” Levi says as he leans in.

Eren tilts his head down, and their noses brush.

“I won’t.”

Eren’s lips are rougher, fuller than Levi expected. He savors every moment they’re pressed against his.

~ ~ ~

It’s hard. Levi knew it would be, but… It’s hard. 

Kenny, dead. Erwin, dead. All those soldiers the commander led towards the Beast Titan, dead. Armin, alive but resented because of Levi’s decision. Hanji, injured, burdened with power and responsibility they didn’t want just yet. The whole Survey Corps dejected, with another war on the horizon. 

And Eren…

Eren’s running out of time. 

He told Levi it was the moment that he kissed Historia’s hand that everything in his mind gets muddled, out of order. That that’s the last thing Eren truly remembers in order before everything in his mind falls apart. 

Levi wants to believe. He wants to think that Eren’s willpower will win out against the Founder. 

But it’s hard to hope for anything when Levi knows they’ve already lost twice. At least twice. Who knows if there are lifetimes that not even Eren can remember anymore. 

Eren looks fine after the ceremony. He asks Levi to come to his room later, to share a cup of chamomile tea. Levi tries to tease him for not using his usual name for it, but Eren seems less than amused. 

Well, it’s been a long day. Levi can’t really blame him for it. 

Levi is fucked. He’s attached to Eren. He cares for him, doesn’t want to doubt him, wants to help him.

So, he’s not cautious when he walks into Eren’s room with two cups of tea. He sets them on the dresser beside Eren’s bed, only raising an eyebrow when he sees Eren shuffling up to him with his hands behind his back. 

“What are you hiding?”

Eren smiles, but it’s too bright, too wide. It doesn’t look right. His eyes—why aren’t they green?

He trusts Eren so much. Too much. And Levi getting stabbed in the chest was never in any of Eren’s memories, as far as Levi’s aware. So Levi never prepared for this, never worried about it. Levi never would’ve imagined things would end up this way, not in a million years. 

The pain doesn’t register right away. Not until Eren pulls the knife out of Levi’s chest and red spills across his white shirt.

“E-Eren—”

“It’s too late. He can’t hear you.” The voice that comes out of his mouth isn’t Eren’s. It’s younger, more feminine, and doubled, like Eren’s voice is layered somewhere beneath it. “You should have moved on long ago, anyway. I can't have you getting in the way. He has yet to earn his freedom.”

Levi grits his teeth, slapping a hand over his bleeding chest and trying to stay upright. It hurts, it hurts like hell, but he can fight through it—This can’t be how he dies— Not like this —

Eren—Ymir?—stabs him again, through his hand and into his chest again, and Levi stumbles back, slamming into the dresser. He hears teacups shattering on the floor behind him. His vision is blurry, dark. No, no, not like this —

He shakes his head, trying to stumble back onto his own two feet, but there’s a knife over his head, eyes as red as the blood spilling from his chest—

Eren, no, fuck —

“Move on, Levi Ackerman.”

Chapter Text

Levi recognizes the titan shifter from somewhere. He barely sees the brat—half-conscious and being held up by some blond—for a few seconds before a sense of familiarity ignites within Levi. He knows that brown-haired kid. Somehow. From somewhere. Except…

Levi’s also certain that he’s never seen him before. There’s nowhere they could have met. But he feels as though he does know him, or maybe should know him. But he doesn’t.

...Does he?

~ ~ ~

The kid—Eren—is slow to wake up. Levi and Erwin are perched outside his cell, waiting, and when he does get up, he doesn’t even raise his head, just staring down at his lap. He moves his arms, rattling the chains above him. Levi would expect him to look surprised or concerned, at the very least, but Eren just looks tired. 

“Any questions?” Erwin asks.

Eren still doesn’t look up.

“No, sir.”

Erwin sits up a little straighter, glancing up at Levi, who’s leaning against the wall behind his seat. Levi just shrugs. He’s put off by the response too.

“None at all?”

“No, sir.”

Erwin frowns.

“Do you know where you are?”

“In a jail cell. Captured by Military Police.”

“And you’re not at all worried about this?” Erwin asks, pulling a brass key out of his pocket.

“No, sir,” Eren starts, raising his head slowly, “I’m not—”

Levi and Eren lock eyes for a moment, and those green eyes grow wide, brightening as he continues to stare through the bars at Levi. Levi tenses, pushing off the wall to stand upright. Why does Eren look so familiar? His eyes, the way they look right now—Levi feels like he’s seen them just like this. 

But when would he have ever met Eren?

“Do you two know each other?” Erwin asks, looking at Levi again.

Eren leans forward, eyes even wider, his fists curling into the blankets on his lap. Levi opens his mouth to reply ‘No, of course not,’ but…

There’s just something about Eren. The familiarity, the warmth in his chest is something he just can’t shake. Levi has never felt this way towards someone he’s just met before. Is it some weird titan-related thing? Levi has no idea.

“I…” 

Eren leans forward a little more.

“I’m not sure.”

Levi’s never seen the light drain from a living person’s eyes so quickly before. Erwin throws a frown over in Levi’s direction, but Levi just shakes his head. He wouldn’t be able to explain to Erwin if he wanted to. He doesn’t know why he thinks he knows Eren, but he's also certain they’ve never met. 

He doesn’t know why he feels like his chest is hollowing from the inside out at the sight of Eren’s hunched form, chained and dejected. 

Erwin clears his throat. 

“In any case, right now there’s so much we don’t know. We’re told this key to your father’s basement holds the information we may need to unlock the mystery of the titans.”

“...Yes, sir. It does.”

“Then, right now, we want to know what it is that you want to do.”

Eren rubs his eyes with his hands, the chains above his head rattling as he does. 

“Nothing.”

“Sorry?”

“Nothing,” Eren repeats, a little louder now. “There’s nothing… I just… don’t want to do this anymore.”

“Do what, Eren?” Erwin asks.

“Fight,” Eren snaps. “I’ve already… So many times… And he doesn’t even…”

Eren buries his face in his hands.

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t want to do it anymore.”

“Eren,” Erwin says firmly, “in order to have any hope of getting to your father’s basement and defeating the titans, we need your power.”

“I can’t…”

“This is your best option, Eren. The other branches of the military want you dissected.”

“That’s fine!” Eren snaps. “Let them! I don’t care. I don’t want this. You might as well just kill me right now—”

Levi marches forward and slams his hand on the bars to the cell before he even realizes what he’s doing. Eren flinches, lowering his gaze.

“That’s what you want,” Levi says. “To die.”

“...Yes.”

“There’s not a single other thing you want?”

Eren’s shoulders rise and bunch up near his ears.

“I… There’s things that I want but I can’t achieve them—”

“That’s not what I asked you,” Levi says. “What do you want?”

Levi’s grip tightens on the bar, thinking that Eren better come up with something, anything that gives Levi the excuse to stop him from barrelling headfirst into his own death—

“There’s someone,” Eren whispers. “Someone I love, and I… I want to keep him safe.”

Levi’s not sure why his chest squeezes like the words are meant for him, but he quickly has to push down the shame that builds from his own immature reaction. This is bullshit. What the hell is this brat doing to him?

“And can you keep him safe by being dissected?” Levi asks. 

Eren sighs.

“No.”

“Then what do you want?”

“I… want to fight.” 

Eren finally raises his head, meeting Levi’s gaze.

“I want to join the Survey Corps and fight… for him.”

Levi sighs, lowering his head slightly. Good. The brat does have something to live for. 

He looks over his shoulder at Erwin, who's staring over at the two of them with his eyes narrowed. 

"That good enough for you?" Levi asks. "I'll take responsibility for him."

Erwin blows out a sigh, smoothing out his coat with his hands.

"Sure. Let's go with that."

Levi turns his gaze back to Eren.

“Be prepared for me to put you through some shit.”

Eren shakes his head.

“I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

~ ~ ~

Levi dreams about Eren that night. It’s flashes of scenes, brief and erratic. Levi and Eren fighting together among unfamiliar buildings. The two of them riding horses with the rest of the Survey Corps, in a place so wide and open Levi nearly thinks its outside the walls. Levi and Eren in Levi’s quarters, talking together, drinking tea together. Them laughing together in the mess hall in the dead of night. The two of them standing side by side at the edge of a lake so large that it extends all the way out towards the horizon, no land in sight.

Then the ground starts to shake beneath Levi’s feet. He looks over his shoulder, and all he can see are titans. Titans everywhere, so many of them that they form a wall of muscle and limbs, marching towards Levi with slow, calculated footsteps. 

Levi whirls to face Eren, trying to grab his arm, to run—

And then he finds a knife lodged in his hand. Levi’s eyes rise to look at Eren and comes face to face with a blond, blue-eyed girl wearing Eren’s clothes. She smiles at him when their gazes meet, too broadly, too wide. 

The last thing Levi sees are those blue eyes flashing red. 

~ ~ ~

Levi is a mess the next day in the courtroom. He’s impatient and bitter from lack of sleep and kicking Eren in the face in front of half the military makes him feel sick to his stomach. Levi —the man who volunteers to torture people when it’s required—feels queasy from a couple kicks. 

Who the hell is Eren, and how has he done this to Levi? How the fuck does Levi make it stop?

“Eren,” Hanji says excitedly, kneeling in front of where Eren is sitting on the sofa. “How are you feeling? What do you think? Still think it’s worth it to help this lover of yours?”

Eren raises his head and frowns in the direction of Levi and Erwin, who are across the room from him, near the back wall. Levi averts his gaze. There’s no reason for Eren to be directing that look at Levi; Levi wasn’t the one who gossiped. Beside him, Erwin coughs awkwardly into his fist. 

“Well?” Hanji presses.

“It’s worth it,” Eren says. 

Levi glances back over at him. Eren’s still staring right at him. 

“Even knowing that Levi knocked this right out of your mouth?” Hanji asks, pulling a handkerchief out of their pocket. Levi grimaces when they unwrap it and reveal a bloody tooth.

“Why’d you pick that shit up? It’s disgusting.”

“It’s for research, Levi!”

“It’s fine,” Eren says. “It already grew back.”

“What?!”

Hanji drops the tooth on the floor—fucking four-eyes always making the most disgusting messes—and leans towards Eren’s face. Eren opens his mouth for them to see before they even have to ask.

“Incredible… Say, Eren? You don’t mind if I do a couple experiments on you, do you? I swear, it’ll help your lover! And the rest of humanity by extension, of course…”

“You can,” Eren says. 

He’s looking at Levi again. Why does he look at Levi every time this “lover” is mentioned?

“But he’s not my lover.”

“Hm? What do you mean?” Hanji’s not looking at Eren, busily searching for the tooth they dropped. It’s too late; Levi already saw it roll beneath the sofa. Though he won’t tell them that. They don’t need a shitty tooth, and Levi doesn’t want them dropping it somewhere at the HQ.

“I love him, but… He doesn’t remember me.”

Eren is still looking right at Levi. And what does he mean? How does the person that he loves not remember him?

Images from Levi’s dream from the night before resurface. Levi and Eren drinking tea together, laughing together, fighting together.

Levi wishes he could turn his brain off. 

“He doesn’t remember you?” Hanji frowns. “Is he a part of the Survey Corps? Levi and I can go find him and—”

“Don’t start signing me up for random bullshit,” Levi cuts in. 

“Levi—”

“It’s okay,” Eren says. His head is lowered, hands clenched into fists in his lap. “It’s probably better that he doesn’t remember.”

“Yeah, and what makes you so fucking sure that he doesn’t remember you?” Levi snaps, not really meaning to turn his frustration on Eren but having nowhere else to put it. “Maybe he’s just—”

Levi stops himself. Erwin is staring at him. So is Hanji. So is everyone in the room. Anger and shame are tearing through Levi’s insides like dual flames and he scowls, pushing himself away from the wall he’s leaning on. Screw this. His mind isn’t right, his body’s not right, nothing is right. 

“I need a break,” Levi says in answer to the curious stares as he marches to the door. “Didn’t get much sleep.”

“W-wait, Captain!”

A hand latches onto Levi’s sleeve. It takes a colossal amount of self control for Levi to not yank his hand away, and he still refuses to look back.

“I-I’m not sure,” Eren says. “I’m not sure he doesn’t remember. I assumed, but…”

Eren falls silent and Levi scowls, breaking his resolve and looking at him over his shoulder.

“But what?”

“Well, it’s just… You said something. That maybe he’s just…” 

Eren steps closer, his eyes bright as he looks down at Levi. Bright, just like they were in that jail cell before Levi said he wasn’t sure if he knew Eren. Bright, just like they were before Levi caused all the light to drain out of them. 

“...Maybe he’s just... trying to remember.” Levi clears his throat and averts his gaze. “That’s all I was going to say.”

Eren releases Levi’s sleeve, allowing the man to move to exit the room again.

“...I hope he is.”

~ ~ ~

Levi wants to forget. He sees Eren everywhere. They're always bumping into each other in the halls, cleaning in the same area because somebody needed to switch spots with the brat for whatever reason. It doesn't help that they room next to each other—Levi suggested it because he didn't want the brat who was begging to be killed to be in a room alone in the basement, but his regret and annoyance are starting to win out over his concern. And he sees Eren in his dreams, always in new places, doing new things, always ending with that red-eyed girl smiling at Levi—

Levi wants to forget. No, forget isn't the right word. He just wants his mind to get a break, for a second at least. When it's not swirling with thoughts of Eren, he's meeting with Erwin or Hanji and talking about titans. Levi just wants one second, one fucking second to get his head on straight. One second of silence. 

He thinks he gets one, for a moment. It's late. Levi walks the halls of the headquarters alone, every other torch on the wall completely unlit and the other flames all small and dim. He makes his way down to the mess hall through the darkness, planning to boil some water and make himself some tea.

But someone's already down there, boiling their own kettle. Levi frowns.

"Eren?"

Eren jumps, though he relaxes a bit when he sees it's just Levi. 

"Captain," he says, nodding his head in the older man's direction. "Can't sleep?"

So much for that break. The second Levi lays eyes on Eren, his body reacts. He feels on edge, and his chest is tight, like someone tied ropes around his ribcage. And the unusual feeling just makes him more annoyed than ever. He tries not to take it out on Eren, but he can't stop a scowl from appearing on his face. 

"What about you?" Levi asks.

Eren's kettle starts to whistle and he quickly removes it from the fire. 

"Just making some of Ca—uh, my Special Sleepy Tea," Eren says, and the term sounds familiar to Levi somehow. 

No, not just familiar. He's heard it in a dream, at least once. 

"Do you want some, Captain?" Eren asks, pouring out a cup. "It's chamomile, your favorite."

Something’s not right here.

"...How do you know what my favorite tea is?"

Eren freezes, still holding the kettle over his tea cup. His head is turned out of view as he laughs nervously. Levi frowns, taking a step closer.

"J-just a lucky guess, sir."

"Lucky guess my ass," Levi snaps, and Eren flinches, setting the kettle down.

"Captain—"

Levi marches towards Eren and pins him against the nearest wall, caging Eren in with his arms. Eren stares down at him, wide-eyed and shocked, but he doesn't even attempt to move away. 

Why ? Why is Eren like this?

"Where the hell do I know you from?" Levi snaps, and Eren lowers his gaze.

"I'm not sure what you mean, sir—"

"Don't bullshit me!" Levi slams one of his hands against the wall by Eren's head, too pissed to be thinking about the noise. "I know you know me. You're always fucking looking at me—"

Eren's cheeks burn red.

"I'm not—"

"I know you!" Levi exclaims. "I know I do. I see you, I've seen you, in places we've never been, talking about things that don’t make any fucking sense—"

Levi sighs, his hands clenching into fists before pulling away. 

"Forget it," Levi mutters, turning his back on Eren. "I think I just need my head checked out."

Before Levi can walk away, a hand curls into the back of his shirt, trying feebly to keep him in place, and frustration floods Levi because why does this feel familiar too?

“It’s not where,” Eren says. “It’s when.”

Levi looks back at Eren with a tired frown.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“You asked me where you knew me from. But it’s not ‘where.’ It’s ‘when.’”

Eren steps closer, his brows furrowed as he looks down at Levi.

“Captain, have you…” Eren bites his lip. “Have you… dreamt about me?”

Levi’s expression hardens.

“I’m not talking about this with you—”

“Captain, please , just listen to me!” Eren snaps. “They—They’re not dreams. They’re memories!”

...Memories?

The familiarity that he gets when he sees Eren… The deja vu from seeing certain things happen, from hearing certain words… All those dreams of him and Eren together—even the one where they—when they—

“How… How can I have memories of things that haven’t happened yet?”

“They have happened,” Eren insists, stepping closer. “I don’t know how much you remember—I don’t think you’ve ever truly remembered before… Have you seen the Female Titan in your dreams? Or anything related to your squad—Maybe a specific memory between you and Commander Erwin—”

Levi shakes his head.

“The only dreams I have involve you, Eren.”

Eren’s eyes grow wide, his face burning red again. 

“They all involve me…?” Eren whispers.

“Just you,” Levi replies, raising a hand to his temples. He’s starting to get a headache. “If there’s anyone else, they’re always far away, or not the focus of the dream.”

“O-oh.”

Eren claps a hand over his mouth, green eyes wide and trembling as he stares down at Levi. Levi scowls, placing a hand on Eren’s head and shoving him back slightly.

“The hell are you doing? You’re supposed to be explaining to me how I have memories of things that never happened, shitty brat.”

“R-right,” Eren says, clearing his throat. “They have happened. Just… in another life.”

This is getting ridiculous. Levi sighs and turns to leave again, but Eren adds another hand to the one already clutching Levi’s shirt.

“Wait! Even if all your dreams only involve me, you should have two memories of being killed!”

Levi pauses. Two scenes immediately come to mind.

“...If they’re memories, you should know what happens in them too,” Levi says.

“That’s right.”

“Then tell me.”

Levi hears Eren take a shuddering breath behind him.

“The first time… we were on top of the walls. Reiner and Bertholdt transformed into the Armored and Colossal Titans. You—” Eren falters. “You pushed me out of the way, so I wouldn’t get taken. But your leg—you were hurt. You couldn’t get up. And Bertholdt—he crushed you—”

“Beneath his hand,” Levi finishes, dragging his own hand down his face. 

This is absurd. How does—if Levi died like that, how is he here right now? How does Eren know? Are all his dreams really memories?

“The second time I was killed,” Levi says, turning to face Eren again. “Tell me about it.”

Eren’s whole body sags, his eyes squeezing shut. His hands retract from Levi’s shirt, moving to grip his own arms.

“I’m sorry, Captain… Please, wasn’t the first description enough to make you believe…?”

“Eren. Tell me.”

Eren curls in on himself, his breathing labored, but he nods.

“You...you came to my room. You were bringing tea for us, but… But I stabbed you—”

“Stop.”

Eren’s eyes pop open, looking at Levi with a frown.

“What?”

“That’s not how I remember it.”

Eren's frown deepens.

“What are you talking about?”

Levi rubs his forehead with his hands. His headache is getting worse.

“I brought you tea,” Levi says, “but you weren’t the one who stabbed me.”

“Captain, you’re confused—”

“You were there when I came into the room,” Levi says, “but the one who killed me was a girl. A girl wearing your clothes.”

"A girl?" Eren asks. "Was she… blond? With blue eyes?"

"Yeah, that was her," Levi says with a sigh. "I get nightmares about that bitch too."

"No, Captain, that's— I killed you. I was holding the knife. I had your blood on my hands—"

"I kno w it wasn't you," Levi says firmly. "If these really are memories, then one of us is wrong."

"And it's you!" Eren exclaims. "That girl—you're talking about Founder Ymir, but she doesn't have a physical body, she couldn't have killed you—"

"Then why the hell would you kill me if you're so fucking in love with me?"

"I didn't want to!" Eren grips his head in his hands. "I-I saw everything. I knew what I was doing, but it-it was like I didn't have any control! I couldn't stop it—she was in my ears, in my head—I couldn't even hear you—"

Levi thinks of his dream—his memory , and he thinks of that girl's words. 

“It’s too late. He can’t hear you. You should have moved on long ago, anyway. I can't have you getting in the way. He has yet to earn his freedom.”

"I wanted you to remember," Eren whispers. "At first, that's all I wanted. I did everything over again, knowing that things would repeat if I didn't change because I wanted to see you again. But I… when I met you, and you didn't… you didn't remember, I thought that it was better this way. I killed you. All I ever do is kill you, hurt you, let you die. Why would I ever want you to remember all that?"

Levi steps closer to Eren. 

"But I do remember."

"I know. I'm sorry—"

"And you didn't kill me."

Eren shakes his head.

"Captain, stop. You're just not remembering it right—"

"You just said that you didn't have control—"

"But the knife was in my hand!" Eren snaps. "I know. I know what you're doing. I know you're trying to make me feel better, but I—it's not like like other times. This time it really was me. I did it. I killed you."

Levi sighs, rubbing his face with his hands. What was the point of all this? His dreams are memories. Memories of past lives where Levi dies and gets no closer to ending whatever hell they’re trapped in. Memories that don’t even line up with Eren’s because Eren’s so sure that he killed Levi even though Levi doesn’t remember it that way at all.

“So what?” Levi finally asks, turning his tired gaze onto Eren. “What do you want me to do with that?”

“What do you mean?”

“You didn’t want me to remember. Well, I fucking remember. I thought they were dreams. You convinced me they’re not. And now what? You want me to be pissed at you until I die again?”

“ No, of course not—”

“Then what do you fucking want, Eren?” Levi snaps. “What’s the point of telling me the truth, of trying to convince me you murdered me in cold blood? Because what I remember the most is—”

What Levi remembers the most is being with Eren. Being happy with Eren. Being nothing but pleased whenever the brat sought him out, whenever he came by for late night chats over tea. He remembers feeling wrecked whenever he couldn’t help, whenever he failed him. He remembers wanting to be there for him. 

He remembers feeling at home the one and only time they kissed. 

Levi has no memory of being resentful towards Eren during or after any of his deaths. Just regretful. Just… sad. 

“What do you want?” Levi asks, softer now.

“I don’t know,” Eren mumbles. “I just… I wish that we didn’t have to do this anymore. All I wanted was to free everyone from the titans, from the war. She told me that I’d pay a price for it, but I thought that price was death—”

Levi straightens up. A price?

“Eren, wait.”

“Huh?”

“I can't have you getting in the way. He has yet to earn his freedom.”

Levi lays a hand over his head. A price… Eren having to earn his freedom… Was all this—reliving the same things over and over again—a punishment? 

“Did that girl ever tell you what the price was going to be?”

Eren shakes his head, rubbing his eyes with his hands.

“She told me… In exchange for everyone else being free, I’d pay for eternity. I was so sure she meant I would die…”

Levi leans against the wall, dropping his chin into his hand. In exchange for everyone else being free… But they’re not free. They’re all here, reliving everything too… Aren’t they?

“Eren.”

“...Yeah?”

“Have you met anyone else who remembers besides me?”

Eren frowns.

“No… We told Erwin once, and he believed us, but nothing changed. He said he was working on implementing what I knew, but in the end, everything happened exactly the same.”

That doesn’t make sense. If Eren remembers everything, Erwin should have been able to use that. Levi knows him for being able to make plans out of the most dire situations. Knowing things before they happened should have allowed Erwin to reshape everything. And yet, he just… didn’t?

“Eren, maybe this is your punishment. Everyone’s free, except you. You’re stuck, reliving the same path. That’s why nothing ever changes.”

Eren’s eyes widen for a moment, but he quickly frowns again.

“No, Captain… If that were the case, why would you know? Why would you remember?”

Something else that girl said flashes in Levi’s mind.

“Move on, Levi Ackerman.”

Levi covers his mouth with his hand. Eren stares down at him, eyes narrowed in concern. 

No. This couldn’t be because of—

...Oh, fuck, it could be. 

It’s hard to put things in order, when he only has memories with Eren, but… In his first life, it felt like he was always chasing, always following this damn brat, pinning all his hopes on this one person… Then in the next, always aching, always desperate to help, to stop Eren before they did everything all over again. In the life after that, so determined to keep Eren close by, to be there for him.

“Move on, Levi Ackerman.”

Maybe, for everyone else, saving humanity was enough. The end of the titans brought them peace.

But Levi…

“Shit,” Levi mumbles, rubbing his face with his hands. 

“Captain? What is it?” 

Levi doesn’t know for sure, but… 

“...Maybe I just couldn’t get over you, brat.”

Fuck. Fuck . Levi wishes he didn’t say that out loud. So fucking embarrassing to acknowledge it, much less say it out loud. What if that’s not even the case and he’s just being a sappy shit—

Eren is laughing. He’s trying to muffle it with his hands, and he’s got his face turned away so Levi can’t see, but he’s laughing. He’s fucking laughing.

Levi pushes himself away from the wall and turns to leave.

“Wait,” Eren says, still laughing but trying to push it down. “Don’t go.”

Levi has no plans to stop, but long arms looping around his waist give him pause. Eren moves closer, nuzzling his face into Levi’s shoulder from behind. 

“I believe you,” Eren says quietly. “I believe you.”

Levi sighs.

“...I almost prefer that you don’t.”

Eren laughs again, but quieter, not quite as long lasting. Levi can feel as Eren leans onto his back more, sagging against him.

“I missed you,” Eren whispers, his grip loosening around Levi’s abdomen.

Levi relaxes a little, laying his hand over Eren’s.

“I’m here.”

“Levi…” 

Eren’s hands go limp beneath Levi’s, and then the weight on Levi’s back starts sliding downwards. Levi looks over his shoulder at Eren, concerned, only to find that his eyes are closed. Levi scoffs, shaking his head before shifting his position so that he can hook his arms beneath Eren’s legs. Levi wonders how long it’s been since Eren has had a full night’s sleep as he hoists him higher onto Levi’s back. Eren’s arms flop uselessly over Levi’s shoulders as Levi shifts him up one more time.

“Couldn’t even wait for your tea?” Levi mumbles as he makes his way out of the mess hall. 

The only response Levi gets is Eren’s head lolling against his shoulder. Levi yawns, blinking slowly as he makes his way up the stairs. Whatever adrenaline that built up throughout their conversation is quickly fading, and Eren’s warm heat against Levi’s back is not helping to keep him awake. 

Well… whatever. Levi yawns again. It’ll be fine. He just needs to get back to their rooms. They can continue their conversation in the morning…

~ ~ ~

“Leviiiii!”

Levi groans. Fucking four-eyes is banging on his bedroom door. What time is it? Why are they bothering him this early in the morning?

“What?” Levi snaps, curling his arms around his pillow, not bothering to open his eyes.

“Have you seen Eren? We’re supposed to be preparing for the expedition today, you know! Petra came panicked to my room because our special recruit wasn’t there when it was time to wake him up!”

Levi opens his eyes. Eren? He dropped Eren off at his room last night—

Levi chokes on his own saliva. Eren, tucked against Levi’s chest and wrapped up in his arms, frowns and grumbles in his sleep, pushing himself closer. 

“Levi!”

“I heard you,” Levi calls out to Hanji, trying to slide himself away from Eren. “I’ll look for him. Leave it to me.”

“Hmm… Alright! Let me know when you find him.”

Eren’s hands latch onto Levi, yanking him back to Eren's side without so much as opening his eyes. Shit, how did Levi end up mistaking Eren for a pillow?

Levi sighs, rubbing his eyes. He must have just dropped Eren into his own bed last night and gone straight to sleep. He remembers attempting to go put Eren in his own room, but clearly he never made it. 

Eren grumbles in his sleep again, his grip tightening on Levi. His hands are grasping at the front of Levi's shirt, tense and rigid, still trying to keep Levi in place. 

Levi wonders if this really is what he thinks it might be. Some kind of punishment for Eren. He freed humanity from the titans, he died, and yet… he's still getting punished?

Levi closes his eyes, thinking back to one of his other dreams—other memories . (Levi's still adjusting to that.) Eren told him that he killed four-fifths of the population through the Rumbling. That warrants punishment, sure, but… Why make him kill everyone all over again? Does the fact that the others don’t remember really mean that they’re free? Are they just unaware that they’re trapped?

The whole thing makes Levi’s head throb. All these other memories in his head, memories from a life he hasn’t lived yet, swirl around in his mind until he can’t make any sense of them. 

But maybe he doesn’t need to. Why should Levi have to unearth the secrets of time or some shit? As far as he knows, he’s not part of this eternal punishment nonsense. He’s here for Eren. And Eren wants out. Levi can handle that much.

...Probably.

“Mmm…” 

There’s a sniffle below Levi, a cheek dragging across his chest. Levi looks down and comes face to face with green eyes, half open and blinking blearily at Levi as if Eren’s not quite sure what he’s looking at. After a moment, Eren smiles softly, pulling one hand away from Levi’s shirt to rub his eye with his hand.

“Morning, Captain.”

Memories, huh. That was why Eren was so familiar when they just met. It was why Levi’s chest throbbed and ached to see him sad, made him sick to his stomach when he had to hurt him. It was why his heart stuttered and grew warm like he had all the self control of a rat in a barrel of cheese whenever Eren was around. It was why Levi dreamt of him, thought of him often. 

It drove Levi crazy, not knowing. Not understanding. And now that he does, he just feels so calm. Like his mind can rest easier, knowing he’s accepted what was there all along. 

Levi doesn’t know if he’s always felt this way. If it’s been like this since their very first life together. Maybe at first, he just wanted to know why Eren did the things he did. Why the hope of humanity that Levi sacrificed so much for threw everything they fought for away. Maybe their trips through time together turned that curiosity into something more. 

All Levi knows is that it’s far too late to turn back now.

“...Good morning, Eren.”

~ ~ ~

Levi has Eren make a map of sorts, after they lose their squad to the Female Titan. Levi can see the way every death weighs on Eren, in the form of the dark circles beneath his eyes, the hunch to his shoulders. Eren knows that the deaths are going to happen, and yet it still seems to hit him as hard every time.

It hit Levi hard too, but that’s because Levi didn’t remember. He didn’t remember not being able to keep a single thing that could preserve the memory of his comrades. Didn’t remember how the guilt sank into his bones when Petra’s father came to him saying how much she devoted herself to being a part of his squad. It’s not reliving an old memory for Levi. It’s living it for the first time. Living it for the first time and knowing that it’s going to happen again. That it’s just going to keep happening.

“I hate it,” Eren said, when they finally had a moment alone again. “I don’t want to fight anymore, but I… I wish there was a way I could fight to save them, too. I wish there was a way to keep them alive.”

It’s far too late for that now. Too late for this lifetime.

But… knowing that there will be more lifetimes after this… 

Levi has Eren make a map. Well, a timeline, really. A timeline of every big incident he can remember, every significant death, as well as where and when they happen, if Eren can remember it. Levi doesn’t think he can help much with Eren’s mother, but some of his fellow cadets… Petra and the rest of the squad… Levi knows who killed them. 

And if he knows who killed them, he can kill those people before they get the chance. 

“Levi…” Eren says with a frown. “I don’t like this. Reiner, Annie, and Bertholdt, they—”

“Tried to wipe out all of Paradis Island,” Levi says. He hasn’t looked up from the timeline. He’s trying to remember where he was, when he can sneak out from missions to do what he needs to do. 

“And I tried to kill everyone!”

“You did,” Levi says, “but you’ve been under the control of some sadistic bitch—”

“But I did somewhat agree with Founder Ymir the first time!”

“And,” Levi continues, undeterred, even though he can feel Eren’s annoyed glare, “you’ve been punished for three lifetimes straight already. Where are Reiner and his little friends right now?”

Eren's shoulders sag. 

“Free, probably… But we don’t know if that’s true—”

“If it is true, their souls aren’t even here anymore,” Levi says. “It’s killing an empty shell to save some more empty shells.”

“Levi!”

“Eren,” Levi says, finally looking up, “let’s say it’s not true. Everyone’s here, just unable to remember. Are they stuck because you’re being punished? Will killing them even fucking matter if it sets them free?”

The plan is to keep Eren from awakening the Founder in his next life by any means possible. That means killing the people that try to drag him into danger, the people whose actions forward the path that leads Eren straight to her. That means keeping Eren away from the fighting, the titans, and the front lines.

The goal is to let Eren live a normal life, without being taken over by that sadistic bitch.

...As normal as it’s going to be with Eren having a thirteen year time limit, anyway. 

“...Do you really think it’ll work?”

“Think of it this way,” Levi says, letting his gaze fall to the timeline again. “As soon as she gets in your head, she makes you torture and try to murder those little shits anyway. Might as well get it over with.”

“I’m not sure you have the right to call anyone sadistic at this point,” Eren grumbles, but he leans over to look at the timeline over Levi’s shoulder.

Eren reaches out and places his hand on Levi’s. Levi doesn’t look at him, but he laces their fingers together. He hears Eren sigh, feels a face nuzzle into the crook of his neck.

“I’m not going to let that bitch get in my head this time either,” Eren says, his voice muffled. His breath tickles Levi’s throat.

“Finally calling her what she should be called?”

“Shut up. I felt bad for her for a long time, but… I’m done. I want out.”

“What’s your plan? You can’t win out once she’s in your head, and it’s too late to hide you.”

“I know,” Eren says.

“So your plan is…?”

“To end this lifetime before she gets to me.”

Levi tenses. His grip tightens on Eren’s hand and he twists in his seat to glare at him. Eren meets his gaze head on, returning Levi’s tight grip.

“Eren—”

“I don’t want her in my head.”

“No,” Levi says. “We’ll… I’ll think of something. Maybe we can hide you. We don’t have to wait—”

Eren pulls his hands out of Levi's so that he can sandwich the older man’s face between his hands.

“I don’t want her in my head, Levi. You know I’m going to come back anyway—”

“ No , Eren.” Levi’s fingers rise to curl around Eren’s as they stay flat against Levi’s cheeks.

“Captain,” Eren says sternly. He does that now, when he thinks Levi’s being out of line. Calls Levi by his title instead of his name.  “Do you want her to torture me? For five more years?”

“No. No, but—”

Eren leans closer, dropping his forehead against Levi’s. He lowers his voice. It contrasts how desperately Levi wants to fucking scream. 

“If you don’t want to see it,” Eren says slowly, “you don’t have to be with me. I can do it alone—”

“ No! ” 

It’s far too easy to imagine for comfort. Eren alone in his quarters with a weapon. A knife or maybe even one of the blades from his 3DMG— 

“Not alone, not—”

Levi feels sick. His throat feels bound with rope, tight and itchy and inflamed. And Eren’s wearing that confident, stubborn half-smile that’s fine when he’s using that stubbornness to fight his hardest in battle or defend his friends. But it’s not fine right now, when he’s using that stubbornness so that Levi will agree to let him die —

“You can’t,” Levi snaps. “You can’t die, you little shit—”

“With all due respect, Levi,” Eren says. “I’ve died plenty.”

His thumbs brush across Levi’s cheeks. 

“Just without you by my side.” 

Levi’s shoulders sag. His eyes slip shut and a sigh builds up in his chest, though Levi holds it back, pressing his lips together into a thin line. His grip loosens on Eren’s hands, just slightly.

“...I don’t like it.”

“I know.”

“We’re going to try every other option first.”

“Captain—”

“ No. Give me this much.”

Eren sighs.

“Okay.”

Levi would choke that shitty Founder with his bare hands if he had the chance.

~ ~ ~

They tried running first, which was a dire mistake. Levi underestimated how badly the military would search for them. It was because of that damn Female Titan. The government was already on edge from the knowledge that there were more shifters—shifters that were likely traitors hidden within the military. Levi should have known that they would be chased. Chased and found before they even had time to get a good distance away. 

But getting caught wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was being split up. Being split up and everything that happened after.

Levi doesn’t know how forceful they were with Eren. They weren’t as harsh as they should have been with Levi. Probably because they can’t really afford to break Humanity’s Strongest Soldier when they still need his skills. But Eren is different. They already don’t trust him. And Eren’s part titan. He can heal. They could hurt him badly, cut off limbs, and Levi would never know. 

Levi seethes with rage at just the thought of it, but he bites his tongue. Anger isn’t going to help Eren now. Levi needs to clear them of suspicion as fast as possible, and beating the shit out of people won’t help. They’re already running out of time. 

They ask Levi why he did it. Levi tells them the truth. He and Eren are in a relationship, and he’s tired of Eren being treated like shit and being used as a weapon. He doesn’t want Eren to have to fight anymore.

Eventually, they believe Levi. They look disgusted and disappointed, but they believe—though only because Levi’s story is still the same after losing two fingernails. 

Eren’s still in his cell when Levi gets out. Thank God.

“They didn’t question you?”

“Apparently, they’re nervous about using their usual methods against a shifter who transforms by hurting himself,” Eren says, rattling one of his chained arms. 

"Good," Levi says with a sigh, resting his forearm against the bars and leaning his head on top of it. His other hand is slightly out of sight, far enough behind his leg that Eren won't see his bloody fingertips. 

"What did they say?" Eren asks. "About us?"

"No jail time," Levi says. "They're putting us under Erwin's custody again. But…"

"But?"

"...We're getting babysitters from now on. We're not allowed to be alone. This'll be the last time."

Eren's expression hardens. Levi can't blame him. This is it, and Levi's talking to Eren through a jail cell while he's chained to a bed. They couldn't have failed more spectacularly. 

"...Captain?"

Shit.

"Not yet, Eren. We still have time."

"I didn't even say anything yet."

"Well, I know what you were going to fucking suggest, so don't even bother."

"Captain—"

"We have time ."

" Levi. "

Chains rattle and Levi sees Eren pulling something out of his sleeve. A little bottle of dark liquid. It's so tiny. Smaller than Eren's thumb. Levi's heart rate skyrockets, and he grips the bars until his knuckles turn white. 

"I want to be with you, for this," Eren says. 

"Stop, Eren, what is that shit?"

"It's poison," Eren says, and the breath leaves Levi's lungs like he's been punched in the gut. "I bribed Hanji with my blood and a couple of teeth before we left. They didn't even ask what it was for."

"Eren, no ."

Levi's fumbling with the lock on the cell door with his bloody fingers as if he could break it open with sheer force of will. But he can't. He may be humanity's strongest, but he's still human. And flesh and bone is so much weaker than iron and steel. 

"I was planning on drinking it in our Special Sleepy Tea."

" Eren!"

Levi's banging his fists against the bars, kicking it, trying to pry it open. He's noisy, he's panicked, and he's starting to hear confused shouts and heavy footsteps coming from upstairs.  

"Just know that I wouldn't do this if I didn't know I would see you again."

"Eren, you fucking idiot, you don't know that!"  

The whole point of their timeline—a big part of it was giving Eren a normal life, but the point of it was to separate him from Ymir so the loop would end. If this is it—if this is how things end—

Eren's eyes widen a little as he uncorks the bottle—Levi's going to kill Hanji—but after a moment his expression flattens back out again. 

"If I don't see you again… then that means I finally set us free, right?"

" Eren, please—"

Levi can't remember begging this desperately before for anything. The guards have come running. There are hands grabbing at Levi's arms and legs as the man thrashes and kicks. Are they fucking blind? Eren's right there with that bottle at his lips! Somebody needs to open the cell and stop him—

"I'll see you soon."

Eren downs the liquid in one gulp, his eyes slipping shut. 

Levi goes limp a few moments after Eren does. 

They don't even let him go to Eren, to let Levi check. Maybe the poison was faulty. Maybe Hanji knew what it was for and made it a weaker dose so that Eren would survive. Maybe he's just asleep. Maybe he's okay—

But they don't let him check. 

They drag Levi up the stairs and tie his wrists so that he can't fight back anymore. It's not like it matters. What would Levi fight for now, anyway?

~ ~ ~

Mikasa blames him. She grabs him by the collar and yells in his face when they put Eren in the ground. No one jumps in to stop her or calm her down. They probably blame Levi too. 

Levi doesn't say anything back to her. She yells until her voice is hoarse, and Levi just stands there. 

"We were supposed to see the ocean together," Armin says.

He doesn't look at Levi or yell or sound particularly angry. But Levi is the only person nearby Armin, so he knows the words are directed at him.

"We were supposed to go past the walls together," Armin says. "And now we can't."

Levi doesn't know what Eren thought Levi would do after he was gone. But Levi refuses to even consider following the same path as Eren. He doesn't want to die like that, doesn't want to accept that as a possible option, much less some kind of "right path." Even if he is fairly sure that he'll come back to life again— because if Eren dying before waking up the Founder was all that needed to happen, Levi probably wouldn’t still be stuck in this hell—he doesn't want things to end like that. There had to be another way. Levi would have found one. Levi would have made one. They still had time. 

He stays with the Survey Corps because he has nowhere else to go. He fights for them because he has nothing else to do. But humanity's strongest is no longer very strong. He fights but he's so much slower. He gets injured more often. When Erwin tells him to get some rest because of it, he doesn't listen. 

He stares at the timeline he and Eren made in his free time. He has to get things right next time. He has to. Levi's not sure if he can go through this again. 

"Levi, your room is filthy," Hanji says. 

They walk in whenever they please these days. Levi never remembers to lock his door anymore. At first, he was angry with them, absolutely furious. But now, he's not so angry anymore. They didn't know. They didn't know what Eren would do. 

"You know what the kids call you these days? 'Dead Eyes.' Heartless, that whole lot is."

Levi doesn't take his eyes off of the timeline. 

"I don't know why they blame you so much," Hanji continues. "Because I was the one who—I was—"

Their voice breaks. Levi thinks they want Levi to yell at them. They want to be blamed. 

"You were the one, weren't you?" Hanji asks. "The one Eren talked about when we first recruited him. The person he loved that didn't remember him."

"I…" Levi's voice is hoarse and gravelly from unuse. "I remembered eventually."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Did he know? When he…"

"He did."

"...Oh."

Hanji clears their throat. 

"You should really clean up around here, you know."

"I'll… get around to it."

Hanji leaves a cup of tea on his desk before leaving him alone. Levi doesn’t bother drinking it. The taste will only make him feel sick. 

~ ~ ~

It's an abnormal that gets him in the end. Not a shifter. Just a mindless abnormal titan. It grabs his wires as he tries to go for the kill. Levi gets slammed into a tree. 

It happens too fast for him to even register if it hurts or not.

Chapter Text

This time, Levi remembers early. 

He has a dream when he's really young, young enough that his mother is still breathing. Eren wouldn't have even been born yet, but Levi dreams of him, of Eren's hands on his cheeks, their foreheads touching. No words. No voices or sounds. He just sees Eren, feels his touch. Levi doesn't know who Eren is yet. To this smaller, younger Levi, it's just a strange dream of a handsome, older stranger. 

But when things get hard, when he hears his mother crying at night, the image of that stranger helps to set him at ease, at least a little bit. 

~ ~ ~

He hears Eren's voice for the first time after Kenny takes him in. The dream is of Levi walking down a long hall, light streaming in through the windows—a wild experience in itself because Levi still has yet to see the sun in person. When Levi reaches the end of the hall, opening the door to the room on his left, he sees that handsome stranger, a cup of tea in hand. He grins when Levi walls in.

"Captain!"

That's it. That's the first glimpse of Eren's voice that Levi gets. It's not even his real name.

When Kenny leaves, Levi tries to recreate that voice in his head. He's not sure if anyone will ever call for him like that bright-eyed stranger did. His mother is gone. Kenny didn't want him. Who else would call out to him like that, smiling as they looked his way? So, he clings to that moment. That one word. That little moment in a dream. 

~ ~ ~

The happy dreams came first. Levi realizes this after the first dream he has that's far more bleak. 

He's a teenager now, around the same age that Eren is in his dreams. He knows Eren's name now too, has heard himself say it a few times. Along with "brat" and "little shit" and a couple other names he uses here and there to playfully insult Eren over tea. There are lots of those—the tea dreams. He doesn't dream of Eren often, but when he does, they're usually drinking tea together. Though, Levi has had a few where he and Eren are curled up in bed together or where they… where they kiss. 

Levi's… not sure how to feel about those. They stir up a strange sort of warmth within Levi's chest, making him question how he feels about this person who he's only ever seen in dreams. After all, he's never seen Eren in person. He doesn't even know if Eren's real—

And then Levi has that dream. 

“I killed them. I killed your squad.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“I might as well have! I knew. I knew how. I knew where. I knew everything and I couldn’t do a thing to help them—”

“Eren, you didn’t kill them.”

“I’m why they’re dead!”

Then there start to be lots of dreams like that. Where Eren is talking about how he knows something, remembers something. Sometimes it seems like Levi knows or is supposed to know too. Sometimes, it seems like Levi knows nothing at all. And then—

“Captain, please , just listen to me! They—They’re not dreams. They’re memories!”

Memories. Memories? That's what Eren said to the version of Levi in his dream, but… Could that be true for Levi right now? Are all these things he's been seeing… memories?

Is Eren… a real person? Someone he can see, meet, talk to, touch—

Maybe it's childish of him, but… Levi wants to believe.  

~ ~ ~

Levi's in his early twenties when he sees the timeline for the first time. It's covered in little notes. Names, dates, times, locations, instructions. He doesn't think much of it at first, but then it repeats. Soon he's seeing the dream every night, the same dream, the same messy scrawl of details across a long paper. 

So, when Levi wakes up, he starts writing things down. 

"What are you always writing?" Isabel asks, leaning over Levi's shoulder. 

"Forget it," Furlan says. "Not even he really knows what it is or what he's doing it for."

"Huh?"

Furlan's smirking. 

"Don't you think we can tell her about your dream lover—"

Levi doesn't look up, but he hears the thunk sound when the knife he threw lands in the wall beside Furlan's head. Furlan just chuckles. 

"Alright, point taken."

"What?! What are you guys talking about? What dream lover?"

"I'll explain when I finish with this," Levi says. 

"Ugh… fine. But finish it up soon, okay? Or at least take a break soon! I think this little bird's finally ready to fly!"

~ ~ ~

Levi loses sight of things for a bit, when Isabel and Furlan die. He never thought—He wasn't away for that long—He trusted them just like they asked him to—

Maybe Levi just should have realized that things were going too well in his life for too long. He shouldn't have expected that plan of theirs to work. How naive he was, to genuinely hope for the best. 

When he wants Eren, needs Eren, in the way that did when he was younger—as a bright spot, a moment of positivity in his bleak reality—his mind only lets him dream of death. His own deaths, all three of them. And then Eren's, though he only truly witnessed one. 

It's a wake up call, at least. These dreams are memories. Eren is not actually here for Levi. He's out there, somewhere, on a path to more pain and suffering, maybe completely unaware of it. 

He wanted Eren then, Eren's smile, Eren's presence. But Eren couldn't be there for him. Eren would never be there every time Levi needed him. They had their own lives to take care of too.

The best Levi could hope for right now, was that he could set things in motion by the time they met, so that he could at least guarantee that their lives would involve each other. That maybe that time together wouldn't be bogged down by all the shit raining down around them. 

So he finishes the timeline. Copies down every little note and every detail. In his dreams, there's bits of Eren's handwriting, and a lot of Levi's. Right now, the only words on the page were put there by Levi's hand. 

He's going to do this alone, and he's going to do it right this time.

~ ~ ~

Levi requests a week off every year for the anniversary of Isabel and Furlan's death. Erwin lets him, every year, even when it's been a long time. Even when it's been long enough that maybe others would think Levi doesn't need to mourn them anymore, at least not as long. 

But Erwin was there when Levi lost control that day, so Levi knows that the commander will always let him go. 

He is taking it off to mourn for them. But he'd be lying if he'd started the ritual with only good intentions.

It’s far too convenient that no one asks where Levi goes on his yearly trips. And it's far too easy for Levi to sneak into the barracks where all the future soldiers are sleeping. And, for a trio of intelligent, international spies, they don't notice the knife Levi has at their necks until it's far too late. 

He does feel guilty, especially for Reiner, despite all that shit he said to Eren in their previous life. It’s hard to kill all three of them because it reminds him of Isabel, of her bloodied head in the grass. And with Reiner, he holds a blurry sense of familiarity; he doesn't quite have memories of the burly blond, since all his memories are still centered on Eren, but they must have run into each other enough that Levi got to know him in some capacity. Or maybe Reiner just reminds him of someone, though Levi doesn't quite know who. 

He feels guilty, but it doesn't stop him. 

Levi leaves Ymir, even though she's somewhat part of that group. On the notes of the timeline, it says she injures herself badly protecting other members of the Survey Corps. He has no reason to believe she'll turn around and start murdering all her fellow cadets like the others did. Hell, when Eren and Levi leave, she might be what the Survey Corps really needs to fight back against the titans.

If not, Levi can always deal with her when the time comes. 

They can't really stop titan deaths. The expeditions outside the walls have to happen; there's nothing Levi can do about that. The only thing he can do is take out the worst of the shifters, and hope that Marley's search for more child weapons delays things long enough for Paradis to get their shit together. 

For a moment, Levi thinks about visiting Eren, meeting before they're supposed to. But he's still got blood on his hands and the darkness is dwindling, so he decides against it. 

And… He won't have to wait much longer. 

~ ~ ~

No Colossal Titan. No kicked-out gate at Wall Rose. No Battle for Trost. No Eren turning into a titan. No need for an intervention or a trial. When Levi gets back from his expedition, he doesn’t return to a city crawling with titans. The cadets are actually running around in celebration, having just graduated. Levi spies people mentioned on the timeline as he rides his horse through the streets. A tall, freckled brat with dark hair. A black-haired girl with her hair in pigtails. 

They don’t seem particularly bothered by the deaths of some of their peers. But then again, when Levi checked the newspapers, all it said was a few cadets went missing, thought to have deserted.

Looks like it really was a good idea to move the bodies after he was done.

Levi has a break before their new recruits come. There’s no reason to return to the old Survey Corps HQ. Eren is a normal soldier now, and they don’t need to hide him. There’s no long trip to prepare for, just a brief break before it’s time to head out on regular expeditions again. During that break, Levi buys a house near the outskirts of Trost. It’s tiny, a little building nestled in the woods, and close enough to the city that they could get there by horse in a day, if necessary. Levi thinks it’s good enough. If Eren doesn’t like it, Levi can always sell to someone else and relocate. 

The fighting is almost over, at least for the two of them.

~ ~ ~

“I’m going to need time off soon.”

Erwin hums, his gaze still focused on his desk covered in paperwork.

“For how long?”

“Around eight years, give or take.”

Erwin’s head snaps up, blue eyes wide and his lips pulled into a frown. Levi stands rigidly in front of the commander’s desk, making sure to meet his gaze without wavering. Levi has a few pages in his hand—bargaining chips that he knows he’ll need.

“And what happens to humanity when their strongest soldier takes an eight year vacation?”

“If you use enough brain cells, you won’t even need me.”

Erwin’s eyes narrow. 

“Levi—”

Levi steps forward and drops the pages on Erwin’s desk. Erwin frowns at him but reluctantly takes the offering, large blond eyebrows furrowing as he scans the words scrawled across them. 

When Erwin’s blue eyes widen to the size of saucers, Levi breathes a small sigh of relief. He’s going to get away with it.

“Is this… all true? Rod Reiss… The current royal family…”

“I wouldn’t give it to you if it was fake,” Levi says. 

“I’ll have to verify this.”

“You’d be stupid if you didn’t.”

Erwin sets the pages down, schooling his expression back into something more neutral.

“...And you’ll return after eight years?”

“As long as you don’t shit yourself to death before then.”

Erwin sighs.

“Any other requests?”

“I’m taking a new recruit with me.”

“Of course you are… Not a prodigy like yourself, I hope?”

“...No. Just a regular brat.”

~ ~ ~

It’s not until Levi is about to meet Eren for the first time in this life that he considers that Eren might not remember him. He’s been working under the assumption that they both remember for all this time, but… Levi did remember unusually early this time. Maybe there’s some kind of anomaly where only one of them is allowed to remember everything. Fuck , what is he going to do if Eren has no idea who he is—

“Captain!” 

The tall body that slams into Levi and nearly sends him crashing into the ground dispels any worries he might have had. And the sound of choked distress that bursts from Mikasa brings Levi a small amount of satisfaction.

“I’m sorry,” Eren says. “I’m so sorry.”

Levi’s arms circle around Eren slowly. The anger, the devastation, was fresh when Levi first dreamed about it. He was upset, and planned for a while to not properly talk with Eren until he apologized—and maybe not even then. But that first dream was years ago now. He’s had time to think about it. Levi still doesn’t agree with it. He never will. But…

Levi will never know what it’s like to have the Founder in his head. To have it lead him towards the path of destruction of everything he once fought to protect. He’ll never know what it means to be controlled like that. How much Eren goes through when it happens. 

And if Levi felt like the world was ending from watching Eren die, he has no idea what it must have felt like for Eren to watch as the Founder used his hands to plunge a knife into Levi’s chest. 

He doesn’t agree. If coming back to life wasn’t nearly guaranteed, Levi would probably have never forgiven him, either. But Levi does understand. And they are alive. Both of them. Together. Eren’s in his arms again. 

And he only has eight years of this with Eren, at the most. He doesn’t have time to waste being angry.

“...Just don’t do it again.”

Eren buries his face into the crook of Levi’s neck. 

“I won’t.”

One of Levi’s hands moves from around Eren to settle on the back of his head, combing through his hair. 

“Eren, who is that? ”

Eren yanks himself away from Levi when that annoyed growl of a voice cuts through their moment, his face flooding with a red blush. Levi just scoffs as Eren swivels and turns to face Mikasa and the rest of the graduating class.

“Oh! This, um—this, is, er…” Eren clears his throat. “This is C-Captain Levi of the Survey Corps—”

“Actually,” Levi says, dropping his hand onto Eren’s shoulder. “I’m retired.”

Eren’s green eyes are wide as he whips his head to look back at Levi.

“Wha—Since when?”

“Yesterday,” Levi replies. “Do you have any bags or can we go?”

“Go where?” Mikasa snaps, marching towards the pair. The other recruits are standing still, like one solid mass of dumbfounded cattle as they watch the scene unfold.

“Our house,” Levi says.

“But don’t I have to… Don’t I have to—” Eren’s eyes flicker uneasily between the confused soldiers before settling on Levi again. “I don’t have any missions? I don’t have to fight?”

“No,” Levi replies, “I took care of that. Wasn’t that the point?”

Eren’s shoulders sag with relief, his expression melting into a smile. Then a moment later, he tenses again, green eyes clouding with apprehension.

“But for how long? Will I have to come back, or—”

“Eren.” 

Levi’s hand finds its way to Eren’s cheek. 

“For as long as you’re alive,” Levi says. “Are you ready?”

Eren closes his eyes and nods, layering his hand over Levi’s. His chest rises and falls as he pulls in a slow breath. 

“I’m ready.”

It’s time to go home. To make a home.

“Will you quit ignoring me, runt?!”

...But first, someone needs to teach Mikasa how to read the room.

~ ~ ~ 

“What would you do,” Eren begins from across the room, tugging a wooden table across the floor, “if you could do anything at all? If you never had to be a soldier?”

Levi sighs, pausing from efforts to push their shared bed into the corner of the house beneath the window. Their home is tiny, just one room and a detached side building for the bathroom. They bought too many things while they were still in Trost, including an entire wagon to bring all their furniture.

“We’re never going to use it after this, Eren.”

“But think of all the things we can carry with it! That’s an entire winter’s worth of firewood. I could fit an entire deer in that wagon. Two even.”

“Then those deer better be fucking delicious.”

Maybe Levi should think of getting another job. He’s fairly confident they can survive off the things near their home, and he’s got savings left over, but who knows the next time Eren’s going to impulse buy something the next time they stop by Trost. And they have to go back, sometimes. Mikasa made Eren promise to visit every month, otherwise she’d come and kill Levi. Though Eren was the one that was worried about her actually following through with her threat, not Levi. 

“Levi?”

“I’d… run a tea shop,” Levi says. “I used to think about it as something I could do once the titans were gone.”

Levi leans down and finishes moving the bed before turning to look at Eren. Eren’s half-leaning, half-sitting on the table, bracing himself with his hands on its surface behind him. His face is angled towards the window, and the sun paints his warm skin golden-brown. Levi’s shoulders lower slightly, relaxing at just the sight of him.

“What about you?” Levi asks. 

Eren hums, tilting his head higher, further into the light. 

“I thought about being a doctor a long time ago,” he says softly. “I wanted to be just like my father, until I discovered what the Survey Corps could do.”

“And now?”

“Now…?” 

Eren’s shoulders sag and his head falls down with them. 

“I… I don’t know. I’ve never… I’ve never considered anything else. All I wanted was to be free of the titans.” 

Levi moves up from behind Eren, placing his hand on one of his shoulders and tugging lightly. Eren leans backward against him, letting out a sigh. 

“You have time,” Levi says. 

Eren’s head turns, his nose brushing against Levi’s cheek before he’s able to shift and face Levi a little better. Their lips only meet for a moment, but every touch is like warmth for Levi. Like relief. Like coming home after a long, long expedition away. 

When they pull apart, Eren is smiling, just a slight curve of his lips.

“You’re right. And you’ll help me, won’t you?”

“I’ve got nothing better to do,” Levi says, leaning in again.

Eren rolls his eyes.

“Captain, you could learn to phrase things a little nicer.”

Their lips brush when Levi scoffs. 

“I can’t make any promises.” 

~ ~ ~

“Have you ever thought of us getting a cow?” 

Levi’s head jerks to the side in an attempt to glare at Eren, but Eren keeps a firm grip on Levi’s head. The handle of the knife currently pinned between the younger man’s fingers presses against the side of Levi’s scalp. 

“Watch it,” Eren says, running his fingers through Levi’s hair. “I could cut you.”

“Then don’t tell me you want an oversized, noisy milk bottle when you’ve got a knife by my head.” 

Eren snorts, leaning down to separate out a section of Levi’s hair with his hand before using the knife to re-shave Levi’s usual undercut. 

It’s been a few months now, since they’ve moved in together. Their furniture has permanent places, and they’ve made routines. They switch off weeks, between housework and hunting, cleaning and cutting wood, so that neither of them are ever stuck with the same monotonous task. Eren goes out more often than Levi does; he visits all his friends in Trost whenever they’re not off trying to reclaim Wall Maria. Hanji and Erwin are too busy to meet in person; they simply exchange letters with Levi. The entirety of Levi’s old squad visited him once though, completely unannounced. 

“Came to see the Captain who abandoned us,” Eld said, though he was smiling.

“There’s no way all of you are going to fit in here . ”

“As cold as always!” Petra said with a laugh. “Now, come on, let us in. We all pitched in to buy your favorite tea. I’ve even splurged and got you some sugar and milk.” 

It was nice to see them, and to continue to hear from them even after that. Levi’s friends were going to live, going to survive. No Female Titan was going to come and stomp their lives away. It’s hard to describe how grateful he is to be able to know that.

But if Levi had to have one single complaint… 

“I’m just saying, a cow could be—”

That milk and sugar Petra brought spoiled Eren rotten, and now he can barely stand tea without that shit. Damn brat.

“We’re not buying a cow.”

“Who said anything about buying anything? Here’s my plan—”

Levi sighs. Eren just raises his voice.

“My plan is to find a farmer who just happens to have enough cows that they won’t miss one.”

“...You want to steal someone else’s cow.”

“Not steal—” Eren pauses. “Well, actually—”

“Eren.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll get back to my original plan. We find the farmer, make him stop for a chat, and just so happen to use him to practice our old fighting skills, if you know what I mean.”

“So, instead of just stealing a cow, we beat the shit out of the guy who owns the cow too.”

Eren groans.

“Captain, when you say it like that, it sounds cruel.”

Levi rolls his eyes. 

“Weren’t you the one calling me sadistic before?”

“Lifetimes ago, but yes, and I still stand by it.”

“You’re such a little shit.”

“Would you want me to not be?”

“No, of course not.”

The knife moves away from Levi’s head, his haircut presumably over, and Levi looks at Eren over his shoulder. Eren is already looking down at him, grinning like an idiot. 

...And there’s nothing about him that Levi would want to change. Even if he is a brat and a little shit. Levi thinks he's perfect that way. 

~ ~ ~

It’s been a year and Mikasa is still on edge around Levi. She sits at Eren and Levi’s dining table, looking as rigid as a tree. Her red scarf is pulled all the way up to her nose, and she glares at Levi over the top of it as he helps Eren set the table for her and Armin.

“Mikasa,” Eren says, lightly smacking her on the top of the head with a saucer, “quit it already.” 

Her expression softens a little as she looks up at Eren, though she reveals a deep frown on her lips when she pulls her scarf down.

“I just don’t trust him,” Mikasa says to Eren, as if Levi’s not standing right there. 

Eren smacks her on the head with the saucer again. 

“I’ve told you already that you don’t need to be—”

“He gives me a bad feeling!” Mikasa exclaims, turning a stern glare on Levi. “And anyway, I always thought that you’d be with—”

Ah, so that’s what it is. That’s how things worked out the first time, if Levi remembers correctly. (He’s starting to gain some non-Eren memories too, as time goes on.) Mikasa and Eren weren’t exactly in a relationship then, especially considering that she had to kill Eren to save the rest of the world. But maybe knowing she was there for Eren all the way up to that point—that she was able to be the one to stop him from hurting anyone else—was what let her move on. 

Well, Levi assumes she moved on. He’s still not sure how all this works.

The only thing Levi is certain of is that Mikasa doesn’t have memories of their past lives. If she did, Levi doubts she would let Levi and Eren be in the same room, much less live in the same house. Not after what happened last time. 

“You thought I’d be with what?” Eren asks. 

Mikasa pulls her scarf back up as her cheeks burn pink. 

“Nevermind,” she mutters. “I… I think I just need to get used to it.” 

"No reason for you to get used to me," Levi says, laying down cups on top of the saucers Eren set down in front of them. “Eren’s going to be the one dealing with you all the time anyway.”

“Levi!”

“Um…” 

Levi and Eren both pause when they hear Armin’s voice, and Armin clears his throat, sitting up a little in his chair. 

“Captain—uh, Levi—sir—”

“Levi’s fine.”

Armin clears his throat again.

“I heard that you make really good tea…?” 

Levi looks at Eren, and Eren positively beams.

“How much money do you have on you, Armin?” Eren asks.

“Money?”

“Since when do we charge—” Eren slaps a hand over Levi’s mouth, grinning widely at Armin as the blond fishes around in his pockets. 

Eventually, Armin pulls out a few copper coins, and Eren nods, releasing Levi.

“I’ll get the milk.”

“You’re making me make it your way?” Levi asks, nose wrinkling slightly in annoyance. 

“Damn right I am.”

“Fuck’s sake…” 

And yet, despite his grumbling, Levi heads straight for their drawers in order to find a match to light their stove. Eren shuffles around him, leaning over Levi’s head and shoulders in various directions to gather their tea leaves and dwindling supply of sugar from their cabinets. 

They’ve been doing alright on money lately, selling their extra firewood and pelts from the animals they hunt to their few neighbors and merchants that pass by. So Levi has no fucking clue why Eren is suddenly charging his childhood friends for a simple cup of tea. He follows along though, just to see where Eren’s going with all this.

It takes a few minutes for the water to boil and a few minutes more for the tea leaves to steep. Levi lingers by the ingredients, but Eren returns to the table, talking to his friends about old times and what they’ve all been up to in recent weeks. 

And then when the tea is ready, Armin fawns over the cup like he’s some kind of connoisseur. He stares down at it before picking it up, and before drinking it, he sniffs it, inhaling some of the steam. Levi glances at Eren with a frown, wondering what the hell he’s told Armin about it to make him act like this. 

“It’s good!” Armin exclaims, bringing the cup back to his lips and taking a noisier sip. 

“It can’t be that tasty,” Mikasa says, moving to take the cup from Armin’s hands. “It’s just tea—”

She takes a sip and pauses. She’s slow to hand the cup back to Armin, and when it’s out of her hands, she immediately starts rummaging through her pockets. Mikasa gets her handful of coins out much faster than Armin did.

“Looks like you’re good for something, old man,” she says, an actual smile coming to her lips.

“You shitty brats act like this sugar is liquid fucking gold…” Levi says, shaking his head. When he returns to the counter to prepare another cup, Eren drapes himself on Levi’s back, letting his face fall against Levi’s shoulder. 

Levi can feel Eren’s smile in the kiss that Eren plants against the crook of Levi’s neck.

~ ~ ~

“Eren.” 

“Hmm?” 

Eren rolls over in bed to face Levi, leaning down to rest their foreheads together. His green eyes are half open, looking a little dimmer without the sun to reflect their light. They’ve lived in this house for nearly two years now. Visits from their Survey Corps friends are getting less frequent, as they clear more and more of the titans within Wall Maria and get closer to sealing the first hole made by the Colossal Titan. Whenever they do stop by, they ask for tea and complain about Levi and Eren's home in the middle of the woods.

"I would come here every day I had off if you two didn't live so far from everything! Think of how much money you'd be making off of the Survey Corps!" Hanji said one evening when they managed to squeeze out a day with no experiments. "Especially because our budget only lets us have tea that's like—what did you used to call it?"

"Piss water."

"Yeah, exactly! Which is why you need to move somewhere so it's easy for me to drink not-piss water. Okay?"

Levi's pretty sure Hanji meant getting a place in Trost, but with the Survey Corps quickly on the path to needing a new HQ within Wall Maria, Levi's got other plans. 

"Levi?"

"I'm thinking we should move."

Eren's eyes widen. 

"To Trost?"

Levi shakes his head, reaching out to brush his fingers across Eren's collarbone, before curling them around the string necklace Eren still wears around his neck, out of habit. 

"To Shiganshina."

Eren's eyes grow even wider, his hands moving away from Levi's waist to clutch at the key hanging from his neck. 

"...Could we?"

Eren's voice is hushed, his grip on his key getting even tighter. If this is his reaction to simply the idea of returning to his home city, he's going to lose his shit over Levi's surprise. 

"Got a letter from Erwin," Levi says. "Apparently it's clear enough that they can fill in the hole in the wall soon. Won't be as strong as it used to be, but…"

"But we can move there?" Eren presses, shuffling closer. 

Levi's hand lingers on Eren's collarbone, brushing across his shoulders as Levi scoffs.

"Would I be bringing it up to you if we couldn't?"

Eren's eyes shine as a grin splits across his face. 

"You know what's something I've never done, in all the times we've lived?" Eren asks.

"What's that?"

"Make a grave," Eren says, "for my mother. I… so many things have happened every time. This time I can. I mean, I know I can't properly bury her anymore, but a marker at least..."

Levi's expression softens. A grave for his mother, huh? Maybe Levi could too. He was never able to help her back then—too young, too weak to be of any use. Having just a little spot to remember her by… It feels like the least Levi could do.

"That was a yes to moving, by the way," Eren says, and Levi rolls his eyes. 

"Yeah, I got that."

Eren laughs and Levi reaches up to place his hand on Eren's cheek, his thumb brushing against the corner of Eren's smile. 

"...Are you going to miss this place?" Levi asks.

"Hmm… A little? But I'm excited to live in Shiganshina with you. I'm going to show you all the spots I ran around as a little kid."

Levi averts his gaze. He… didn't expect to be the sentimental one between the two of them. 

"What about you, Levi?"

"I…"

Should he even say it?

"It's the first place I've owned, and it's the first place I've lived… with you. So—"

Levi clears his throat and decides not to continue. He's said enough already, and he's sure that Eren's got the idea—

When Levi returns his gaze to Eren, the brat's wearing a shit-eating grin.

"Levi," Eren says, "you're such a softie."

A softie—

Levi rolls out of bed and moves to leave. 

"Ack! Sorry, sorry, I didn't mean it—well, no, I definitely did, but it's not an insult— "

Long arms wrap around Levi's waist from behind and keep him half sitting on the edge of the bed.

Not an insult? As a soldier, as a former citizen of the Underground, it certainly is. To be soft is to be weak. It's just asking to be fooled, tricked—it's a fucking death wish. Isabel and Furlan were soft, softer than Levi, and they—

"Levi. You don't need to be strong, you know?" Eren's voice is soft, his face pressed against Levi's back. "It's okay now. It's just us. Being soft is okay. Because you're not—you're not Humanity's Strongest right now. You're just Levi."

Levi's shoulders sag, his hands coming to rest over Eren's, which are pressed against his abdomen. 

"The thing is…" Levi says quietly. "I don't know who the fuck 'just Levi' is. I… Being strong—no. Fighting is all I've ever known."

"You have time," Eren says. "Just like you told me I did. We'll figure things out together."

Levi finally shifts to look at Eren behind him, and Eren sits up, having been sprawled out on the bed on his stomach this whole time. 

"You… know just what to say to me these days, don't you?"

Eren grins.

"After all this time, I'd be a disappointment if I didn't."

Levi scoffs, but his gaze lowers again. 

He just can't help but think… Without fighting—without Eren , who would he be?

Eren leans down into Levi's field of view, Eren's green eyes narrowed slightly in concern.

"Are you okay?"

Levi nods slowly, reaching out to brush his fingers across Eren's cheek.

"...I'm fine."

~ ~ ~

Selling their home is hard, but seeing Eren’s face when they get to Shiganshina and he sees Levi’s surprise makes it all worth it. 

“That’s—That’s my house , how did you—I-it’s supposed to be crushed—”

Eren whirls around to stare at Levi, wide-eyed, a grin gradually crawling up his features and bringing light to his face. 

It takes a long time to sell and buy houses, to move halfway across Paradis while lugging all their belongings behind them, especially when they’ve only got one horse and one wagon between the two of them. Their two years together had quickly become three in that time. That was plenty of time for restoring a single building. 

And Levi and Eren’s friends were more than happy to help Levi out with his idea. Mikasa actually sent him an individual letter back, saying that he was “sweeter than she anticipated” and that “maybe she was wrong about him.”

The things that could be accomplished in just a year amazed Levi. 

“You like it?”

“ Like it?” Eren exclaims. “It’s just like I remember it, I—”

Eren turns back to face the house, covering his mouth with his hands. Levi comes up from behind him and rests his head against the side of Eren’s shoulder—he’s gotten just a bit too tall for Levi to lay his head on top of it. 

“Levi,” Eren whispers, “this is… Is the inside…?”

“The inside is empty, besides some of the essentials we rebuilt, like the sink. I wasn’t sure if you…”

Levi wasn’t sure where the line was, between a nostalgic walk down memory lane and getting bogged down in a sea of things Eren would rather forget.

“No, good idea,” Eren says. “I like our stuff. Plus, it’d be kind of freaky to sleep in a bed that looked like my mom and dad’s.” 

Levi snorts.

“I should’ve known you’d say some shit like that.” 

Eren looks down at Levi with a smile, lacing their fingers together. His brown hair falls over his forehead and spills across his shoulders, and his green eyes just seem to absorb the light of the sun and grow even brighter— fuck , Levi’s lucky. He’s so damn lucky.

“Really, Levi, thank you.”

He tugs on Levi’s hand, leading the older man in the direction of the house. 

“Now, first things first, let’s burn everything in my father’s basement—wait, no I should probably give it Erwin, huh… Does he know about the basement in this life? Is that still his goal? If it is, he’s going to be so glad—Oh, you should give him the diary, to reverse that whole ‘Give up on your dreams and die’ thing you told me about—”

“Eren.” 

Eren pauses and looks down at Levi over his shoulder. Levi reaches into his pocket and clears his throat.

“There’s… something else.”

“Something else?”

“It’s…” 

Levi clears his throat again, pinching the small object in his pocket between his fingers. 

“I don’t know if this means anything to you, since we’re already acting the part, but I…”

Levi pulls the ring out of his pocket, holding it up for Eren to see, and Eren gasps. It’s just a little silver band. Levi doesn’t even know if it’s real silver—though it better be, considering what he paid for it—but that’s not what really mattered to him. He just wanted the symbol, the promise. 

“I want… to spend the rest of our lives together.”

He’s been practicing that line for weeks now, all so that he wouldn’t chicken out of saying it now. Also… He practiced so it wouldn’t show on his face. His slight apprehension. Because even with this, they only have five more years together, at the most. He practiced not letting it show on his face. He doesn’t like to think about it. And Levi doesn’t want Eren to have to think about it more often than he needs to, either. 

“Levi…” 

Eren folds his hand over Levi’s, covering the ring with his palm as he does.

“I’d love to.”

~ ~ ~

“What the hell is that ?” Mikasa snaps, pointing at the silver band on Eren’s hand when he sets a teacup down in front of her. 

They’ve got several tables in front of their house now because Levi got tired of people barging inside all the time, dragging in all their dirt with them. But the Survey Corps has just taken that as an invitation for more of them to come at once. Half of Eren’s old cadet friends are around, plus Hanji and Erwin. They’ve all gotten a lot more lax, since they’ve nearly finished clearing the island of titans. And more time off means more of them coming to Levi and Eren’s house. 

Levi supposes he should just be glad that they waited until Levi and Eren finished fully moving in.

“Ah, yeah,” Eren says, raising his hand for all to see as he bites his lip in an attempt to not grin so wide. “I’m married now.”

“You’re what?!” 

“Mikasa,” Armin says, tugging on her arm, “calm down.”

“Hm?” Hanji leans forward in their seat as Levi pours milk into their tea. “But where’s your ring, Levi?”

“Does it look like we’re made of money?” Levi asks with a roll of his eyes. 

For some reason, that makes everyone fall silent.

“Eren,” Jean says after a moment, “you fucking deadbeat. Why didn’t you get a job to buy a ring for your husband?”

“What do you mean?!” Eren exclaims, currently carrying a tray of used teacups back towards the house. “Levi and I have the same job! Making tea for you assholes! We split our earnings. Levi just… saved in secret.”

The silence comes back, and Levi scoffs. They’re so damn dramatic. They don’t both need rings. They know what they are to each other.

“Well…” Erwin says, pulling a handful of coins out of his pocket, “it doesn’t hurt to tip the workers every once in a while does it?”

“I’ve got a little extra saved that I haven’t spent yet,” Marco adds.

And soon everyone’s pulling extra money from their pockets, all grumbling various excuses as to why they “just so happen to be leaving money on the table.”

“You people are fucking stupid,” Levi says.

“Shh! Money is money, Levi!”

“You,” Levi says, turning his frown towards Eren, “are the worst of them.”

Eren just laughs, setting his tray aside as he scoops together everyone’s coins into a little bag.

“Let’s go get your ring, Levi.”

~ ~ ~

The first time they get an absolute stranger as a customer, Eren and Levi decide enough’s enough. They’re saving up for a genuine building. Their little tea business, which just started as Eren bullying his closest friends into paying for what Levi would have given them for free, is evolving into a real tea shop. 

Levi… Levi can’t believe it’s really happening. 

“You don’t have to keep working with me,” Levi says. “I can hire Petra—she’s retiring soon. We haven’t left any time for you to figure out what you want—”

“I’m happy doing this with you,” Eren insists. “And if I think of anything I want to do, I’ll let you know, okay?”

“...Alright.”

“Levi, really, this makes me happy. I promise.”

Levi believes him, but he still pretends it takes Eren kissing him for him to be convinced. 

By the time they have four years left, they hang up a sign in front of their newly purchased shop building. 

The sign says, ‘L & E’s Tea’

~ ~ ~

“So, how did Levi propose? Was he romantic enough? He doesn’t seem like the type.”

Levi sighs from his spot behind the counter, though he doesn’t interrupt. Eren’s in the center of a crowd of their regulars. Petra decorated the place for Levi and Eren’s anniversary—they did end up having to hire her, as more people moved back to Shiganshina and their shop got more popular. Eren’s being interrogated by their regulars as a result, though he’s absolutely eating up all the attention. 

“He doesn’t look like the type,” Eren says, “but he’s completely soft on the inside.”

It doesn’t bother Levi as much as it used to—actually, Levi kind of thinks it’s funny now, shifting from being a cold-blooded murderer to being “Eren’s little softie,” as his husband sometimes says—though he still throws a half-hearted glare at Eren as a joke. As usual, Eren sees right through his act and ignores it. 

“He restored my old family home as a surprise,” Eren continues, “and when I saw what he’d done for the first time, he pulled out the ring, and asked to spend our lives together.”

The collective swoon that follows makes Levi want to gag. Beside him, Petra giggles. 

“And then Eren left Levi ringless for half a year,” she calls out, and the group's swoon turns into an accusing gasp.

“So, you’re the bad husband out of the two of you!”

“It’s always the young ones that you have to watch out for.”

“Wha—” Eren turns to glare at Petra. “Rings are expensive, okay?”

“And yet somehow Levi afforded yours!” Another regular calls out.

“Look at his excuses!”

“The youth these days…”

“I bet he gets away with it because of that handsome face of his.”

“You’d better treat that man right, Eren!”

“Be harsh with him, alright, Levi?”

“No problems there,” Levi finally chimes in. “He likes it when I’m rough, anyway—”

“Levi!”

A balled up cloth hits Levi square in the back, and Levi lowers his head, covering his mouth with the back of his hand when he can’t stifle his laugh. The store erupts into absolute chaos, and Levi looks over his shoulder to see Eren glaring at him from across the room, red-faced.

“I’m sorry,” Levi says, stepping around the counter to go meet him.

“Asshole.”

“I earned that.”

“Humanity’s Biggest Asshole.”

“Okay, sure.”

“Biggest asshole across all time.”

Levi rolls his eyes.

“Ouch.”

Finally, Eren sighs, leaning down to press a kiss against the top of Levi’s head.

“At least warn me before you call me out.”

“You never do,” Levi says, leaning up to kiss him properly.

“That’s because I actually am Humanity’s Biggest Asshole.”

Levi chuckles against Eren’s lips.

“Happy anniversary, Eren.”

“Happy anniversary, asshole—I mean, Levi.”

Levi snorts.

“Fuck off.”

~ ~ ~

Time starts to move fast when they settle into their life. Too fast. The years sneak up on Levi; their days together are so enjoyable that they forget to keep count. Their business is booming, some of their friends are leaving the military to pursue new careers, and Erwin and Armin are plotting a course towards their attempt to bypass a war with the rest of the world—which seems feasible to them, thanks to an “anonymous” tip that Paradis Island has rare resources that the other countries desire. They don’t have to fight; they can bargain and trade. Erwin even tells Levi that there’s no need to come back after he reaches the eight year mark he set for himself. 

“I don’t know why you limited yourself,” Erwin said. “You and Eren are so happy, and your reputation as a shop owner is incredible… Live your life, Levi. We can handle it from here.”

But it’s that conversation that reminds Levi of why he set that limit in the first place. Eren’s twenty-two. It’s been seven years. And they don’t know how exact this thirteen years nonsense is. They don’t know if it’s exact to the day or if it’s just a general estimate. They barely know anything about it. 

Levi let the time pass him by. He enjoyed every day with Eren, so he doesn’t regret not keeping track, but—

But now they’re almost out of time. 

“Oh my, Eren, are you okay?”

Levi’s head whips around at the sound of the concerned customer’s voice. Eren’s leaning heavily on an empty table, his hand pressed against his forehead. He’s sweaty, pale. Levi rushes over to him without a second thought.

“I’m fine,” Eren says, “just coming down with something, I think.”

Levi frowns. 

“Petra,” he says. “We’re heading out. Close up early if it’s too much on your own.”

“Yes, sir!”

Please. Please , not yet. Let them have more time together. Just a little more time. 

“I’m okay,” Eren insists, even as he lets Levi lead him out of the store and back towards their home. “I just got dizzy. Seriously, Levi—”

“You’re not!” Levi snaps. “You’re not, Eren, you know—”

Levi takes a deep breath, his grip tightening on Eren’s arms as he walks him through the streets of Shiganshina. 

“You know you’re not.”

“Levi…” 

Eren leans against his side, and Levi takes in a shuddering breath. He shouldn’t be taking it out on Eren. He’s not angry at Eren, not angry at anyone. It’s just… It’s just…

It’s just that Levi forgot. That this all would end, that it would end so soon. 

“I’m okay,” Eren says softly. “For now. I’ve got more time in me. Okay?”

Levi stays silent, but he nods slowly. They have more time. Even if it’s just a little. He just has to enjoy every second of it.

~ ~ ~ 

The news spreads eventually, that Eren isn’t going to last much longer. Of course it would; neither of them have been at work in weeks. At first it was just so they could spend extra time together. But now… It’s hard for Eren to walk without Levi to hang onto. Their friends ask what’s wrong, how they can help, how they can heal it—

But there’s nothing. They stop asking eventually. They can probably see how much it weighs on Levi, every time he has to say out loud that there’s nothing they can do. That Eren’s just going to die and there’s nothing they can do about it. 

People visit periodically. Mikasa and Armin are the most frequent visitors. It’s good to have them around because they can still pretend to be happy around Eren. They laugh, they joke, they tease Eren about all the times he got beat up when they were kids. Levi just sits nearby, burning every one of Eren’s smiles into his mind while he still can.

“Can you… Can you take me to my mom?” Eren asks one day. 

He can’t walk on his own. He can barely get out of bed. So Levi carries him to the headstones nestled at the base of a tree just outside their home. There’s two of them, one for each of their mothers. Eren sits on the grass and runs his fingers over the stone. He uses Levi’s chest like a backrest to a chair, and Levi wraps his arms around Eren’s waist and holds him close. 

“...See you soon,” Eren whispers, and a choked sound rips out of Levi’s throat, his arms tightening around Eren’s waist. 

Eren laughs a little, in spite of everything, reaching back to place his hand on Levi’s cheek.

“Levi.”

“...What?”

“I love you.”

Levi’s fingers dig into Eren’s waist.

“I love you too.”

“You’re going to be okay.”

Levi presses his face against Eren’s back and can’t reply.

“You’re going to be okay, Levi,” Eren says again. “You’ve got our house, our shop, our friends… You’re going to be okay.”

“But I—” Levi hisses out a sigh, trying to get his words out. “You… You never got what you wanted—”

Levi never even found out what Eren wanted. Every time he asked, Eren would deflect and focus on Levi. He would never tell, even though Levi was always asking, always trying to pay Eren back for giving Levi everything—

“You still don’t get it.”

Eren turns around fully so that they’re face to face. 

“This is what I wanted,” Eren says. “I wanted to help you for once, after lifetimes of you giving up everything for me.”

He drops his forehead down to rest against Levi’s.

“I wanted you to have your shop and all your friends and your own place… I wanted you to prioritize yourself.”

“Eren—”

“Levi, you’ve done everything for me. You always have. This was your turn. That’s what I wanted. Besides, you know I wanted to live a normal life, and you still managed to give me that. And, more than that…” Eren places his hands on Levi’s cheeks. “I wanted to know that you could be okay once I’m gone. I want you to have reasons to smile outside of me, so that you can when I’m not here anymore.”

Levi… Levi had no idea that Eren had been thinking any of this. He had no idea Eren was worrying after him like this. And it makes him happy, sure, but… 

The thought that Eren spent at least part of their life together planning for Levi’s happiness after his death makes Levi’s chest ache in ways he can’t even hope to describe. 

“I love you,” Eren continues. “I want you to be okay. I want you to be free. I want you to be able to move on, Levi. That’s all I really want.”

“Eren…”

Move on…? Levi’s honestly not sure if he can. Move on to another person, never in a million years, in a million lifetimes. But… If Eren means in the sense that he’ll still live his life to the fullest, even without Eren in it…

“I’ll… try.”

Eren laughs, moving down to press a brief kiss against Levi’s lips.

“Asshole!” Eren exclaims, even though he’s grinning. “When your dying husband tells you something like that, you’re supposed to say, ‘Yes, I definitely will.’”

“You’re not getting anything like that out of me, and you know it,” Levi says. “But… I’ll try. I promise.”

“You’re useless, Captain.”

It’s been so long since Eren’s called him that. 

“And yet you chose me.”

“I did, and I’d do it all over again.”

“Yeah… Me too.”

Levi reaches up, his pale fingers sinking into Eren’s hair and pulling him down to press their lips together. He pours himself into that kiss, as if he could push several lifetimes worth of feeling into one action and transfer them to Eren. 

Eren’s arms wrap around Levi and pull him closer. He kisses Levi back just as fiercely, as if it’s really getting through to him. 

“I love you, Levi.”

Levi knows. He knows they can’t stop it. And yet a part of him is still wishing, still crying out. 

Don’t go .

~ ~ ~

It happens in Eren’s sleep. Levi wakes up in their bed, still leaning against Eren’s chest, still wrapped up in Eren’s arms. Levi wakes up, and Eren doesn’t.

Mikasa hugs Levi for the first time, when the pair of headstones in Levi and Eren’s yard becomes a trio. She holds him so tight. He can feel her tears as they soak through his shirt. 

“You took such good care of him,” she says, her voice garbled. “Thank you.”

“He… was the one who took care of me.”

Running L & E’s was hard without his E beside him. For a while, he couldn’t even walk inside the store. He ached too much. It was hard to go anywhere, be anywhere, when everything reminded him of Eren. 

But eventually, the ache lessened. It never fully went away, but it became bearable. Levi could function again. Eventually, he could joke around again, talk to people again. Eren was always with him, in that little lingering ache in his chest. It was hard, but…

But Levi really did it. He was able to be okay.

His customers teased him to no end about being “too in love,” about always talking about his husband, about what he was like, about how happy they were together. But Levi never stopped talking about him, loving him. Even when he was old and gray. 

L & E’s would always be L & E’s. Levi would always be Eren’s. 

But… he was still able to be okay on his own.

It’s just… If he had one regret…

It was that Eren never got to lead a full life. Their time together was powerful, it was emotional, and in the end, it was happy. But it was never long. 

Levi moved on, but… a part of him always wished he had been able to change that. 

Chapter Text

Levi’s first regular customer is a brunet around his age; tall, lanky, dressed in mostly black with his long hair pulled back in a bun. Not exactly the sort of person he’s used to seeing in a boba shop, but Levi’s certainly not complaining. L & E’s has only been open for a month or two, so Levi’s satisfied with getting customers at all. 

(It’s boba because Isabel insisted that no one would want “just tea.” Boba had to be available as an option at the very least, according to her. Maybe she was right; Levi has yet to get a single person who ordered tea without boba.)

“Holy shit,” the brunet says when he walks in, sliding off his headphones and staring up at the menu on the wall. “That’s… wow.”

Levi leans on the counter, mildly amused. Levi’s actually fairly certain he has fewer options than most boba places do. He went through dozens of tea shop menus, tasting and recreating in order to decide what to sell at his own place. Hanji—his friend and part time employee—actually keeps making strange new flavors and begging Levi to put them on the menu, but Levi has yet to find one that he particularly likes. It doesn’t help that Hanji keeps trying to sneak in “interesting ingredients” like salmon roe or mushrooms, just for the hell of it. 

“Just you wait! I’m going to make my own shop, and outsell you.”

“I’ll believe it when you stop trying to perfect ‘pizza milk tea.’”

“Cheese tea is already a thing! I’m just ahead.”

“Um…”

Levi blinks. The tall customer has finally come closer—shit, and he’s even taller up close—black wallet in hand as his gaze flicks between Levi and the menu on the wall. He’s kind of attractive up close. Big green eyes, thick, defined eyebrows, and thin strands of brown hair scattered across his forehead, not quite long enough to be part of his bun. And… he looks familiar somehow. 

Levi clears his throat. 

“What’ll you have?”

“A large Thai milk tea… uh, with boba.”

“That’s $5.50.” 

The brunet hands Levi a 5 dollar bill and a 1, so he opens the register and fishes for some change before getting to work on the drink. When Levi glances in the direction of the customer, he’s lingering by the door, headphones pulled back over his ears and those big green eyes focused on his phone. 

The sense of familiarity tugs at Levi’s mind, but he decides to let it go. It’s probably nothing.

He finishes off the drink, seals the lid, and slides it across the counter in the direction of the brunet, who has begun shuffling back over to where Levi is. Levi slaps a stamp on a little card—Hanji’s idea. They say it’ll bring the customers back more often—and hands it to the man who’s already stabbing his cup with the pointed straw. He’s just an ordinary customer, a random guy that Levi will probably never see again—

That’s what Levi thinks until he feels a literal shock when they touch hands.

It’s the briefest form of contact. Just their fingertips brushing as Levi passes him the stamp card, and yet it shocks Levi, like he accidentally tapped his finger against a live wire. And the feeling surges through him, through his hand, up his arm, straight to Levi’s chest until his whole body erupts in a strange tingly sensation. Like there’s electricity in his veins. Like when his foot falls asleep and he accidentally wakes it up, except it’s all of him, from head to toe. His body waking up, after a long, long time of being dormant. 

The brunet’s wide-eyed stare and open mouth seems to mean that he felt it too. 

For a moment, they’re both just staring at each other. Levi’s not sure if their breathing is labored or if it’s just that quiet in the store, that tense. They both still have their hands on the stamp card, that little bit of contact between them being steadily maintained. 

“U-uh—”

The customer is the one to speak up first, but they both jolt at the sound of a bell ringing out from across the room—it’s the door. Another customer has walked in. Before Levi can even think to stop him, the brunet’s face burns red, and he yanks the stamp card out of Levi’s hand. He snatches up his tea, all but sprinting out of the store and leaving Levi absolutely dumbfounded in his wake. 

What… What the hell was that?

~ ~ ~

The brunet comes back. Levi completely expected him not to, but he does. Comes back the next day, in fact. He stares at the menu like it’s oh-so-daunting, just like he did originally, before slowly approaching Levi at the counter. 

“H-hi.”

Levi nods at him. He really doesn’t know how to act around this guy. Or if he should question what happened yesterday. It’s hard to imagine how he could bring it up. Hey, how the fuck did you electrocute me yesterday?  

“I’ll take, um… a classic milk tea with boba.”

...Apparently they’re just going to pretend nothing happened. 

“Regular or large?”

“Oh... Regular’s fine.”

He’s quieter than Levi would have expected just by looking at him. He’s big, and dressed in all black again. His headphones are around his neck, revealing his hair being half down and half pinned back, instead of in a bun like the day before. Maybe that’s Levi’s fault for making assumptions, but he just doesn’t look like the sort of guy who nervously half-whispers his order at a boba place. 

Or maybe it’s not about the way this guy looks at all. Levi… he just has a feeling. A feeling that this specific person really shouldn’t be this quiet. For some reason. 

In any case, they finish everything up without saying anything else. The brunet even slides his stamp card across the counter instead of just handing it to Levi, maybe hoping to avoid a repeat of the day before. 

But, if that’s the case, why did he even come?

~ ~ ~

Levi sees the guy every time he works for the rest of that week. He comes at the same time too, just after two o’ clock. They never talk, except for Levi to take his order—seems like he’s slowly making his way through the black tea section of the menu—and they don’t have another instance of that electric shock.

He shows up the next week too, on Levi’s first day back after a weekend off. His shoulders visibly sag when he looks at Levi, green eyes narrowing slightly as he hurries to the counter. 

This… is new.

“You’re here,” the brunet says, and his voice is so colored with relief that it startles Levi.

“I work here.”

“Ah.” The brunet rubs the back of his neck with his hand, his tan cheeks flushing red. “No, yeah, um… It’s just—I was here. Over the weekend. And it was… somebody else.”

“That was Hanji,” Levi says. “They work weekends.”

“Oh, okay.” The brunet clears his throat, his green eyes sliding to the wall. “And you… don’t?” 

“No. Weekdays only.”

“Okay.”

And then there’s silence. The brunet shuffles his feet and looks everywhere but Levi, and Levi’s still trying to wrap his head around the fact that this attractive stranger has probably been coming every day specifically to see him. Which is… 

It’s good? Sort of. Levi… Levi doesn’t know how to feel about this. He’s not used to this. And he still has no idea what that whole electric thing was on the day they met…

A groan cuts through the silence, and Levi looks up to see the tall stranger burying his face into his hands, his shoulders raised all the way up to his ears. 

“Sorry, fuck, I just—” He lifts his head out of his hands and stares down at Levi. “You felt that, right? That day. I’m not—I’m not losing it. Am I?” 

“You’re not,” Levi says quickly. Too quickly. “Unless we both are.” 

The brunet’s face immediately melts into a more relaxed smile. 

“Good,” he says, running his fingers through his hair as his smile gradually widens into a grin. “‘Cause I really thought I was nuts for a bit there. Oh, I’m Eren, by the way.”

Eren. Eren… Fuck, even his name sounds familiar. 

“I’m Levi.”

“Levi… Oh, so you’re, like, the L in L & E’s?” Eren’s gaze flicks away for a moment. “Who’s, uh… Who’s the E? Your girlfriend…?”

Levi expected to get this question eventually. Hanji asks him this all the time. Who’s the E? The thing is… Levi doesn’t know. He was meticulous with the menu, the ingredients, the decor… But the name of his shop? Completely on a whim. He just felt like that was right. Like that’s what the name should be. There was never an E, as far as Levi knows.

The fact that this brunet that gave him an electric shock has a name that starts with an E is… an interesting coincidence though. 

“No,” Levi says. “The E’s nobody; there’s no meaning behind it. Though if they were a romantic partner, they wouldn’t be a girlfriend.”

“...Oh.”

Levi shouldn’t have said that. Why the fuck did he say that? What part of his brain decided that it was okay to unload his preferences onto this total stranger—

“Oh,” Eren says again, louder this time. “Y-yeah, um, me too.”

“...What?” 

Eren’s face is red again.

“Oh, no, I just—because you said—I wasn’t—it’s nothing about the store’s name. Obviously I-I-I don’t se-sell tea, um… I just meant—I’m not—”

“Eren—”

“I’m into men!” Eren blurts out, and then he slaps his hands over his mouth. 

Levi freezes, and Eren’s eyes squeeze shut, dropping into a low crouch and whispering muffled curses behind his hands.

“Sorry,” Eren says, after a long moment of silence. 

“No, you don’t need to…” Levi clears his throat. “You don’t need to apologize for… that.”

“I don’t know why I said it.”

“I brought it up.”

Not really. Eren definitely was the one who mentioned a girlfriend first. But Levi’s not going to add to the poor guy’s obvious shame. 

“Yeah, but I didn’t need to—” Eren heaves a sigh, shaking his head. “...Can I still have tea?”

This conversation is painful. Levi almost wants to tell him no, so that Eren will leave and give him a chance to cool down and not verbally flounder around like a fucking idiot. 

But...he doesn’t want to scare Eren off, either. Not when they still haven’t solved that electric shock business. Though Levi’s not sure Eren will ever come back, after a conversation as disastrous as this. 

“...Sure. What do you want?” 

Eren, still crouched on the floor and looking miserable, looks up at the menu. 

“I’ll try the…honey milk black tea. With boba. Oh, uh, and a regular. For the size.”

“Sure.”

Levi has never been so relieved to be able to turn his back on someone—and considering his distaste for most people and his joy when he gets to walk away from those random assholes, that’s really saying something. 

When the drink is ready, Eren is across the room by the door. His stamp card and some cash are already on the counter—he’s even got exact change. Levi looks at him with an eyebrow raised, and Eren grimaces, lowering his gaze. Levi sighs, stamping his card and putting the money in the register. As soon as he’s done, Eren grabs his drink and card before rushing out the door. 

Levi drops his elbow onto the counter and puts his face in his hand. 

What a fucking mess.

~ ~ ~

Eren doesn’t show up the next day. Not that Levi can really blame him, but… He’s disappointed all the same.

~ ~ ~

“Ta da! Sushi smoothie with boba! What do you think?”

“I’m thinking I should ban you from coming unless it’s work.”

“This is for work,” Hanji insists, still trying to push the chunky, fishy smoothie in Levi’s direction. His nose scrunches in disgust. “It’s for your future! Just think of the publicity we’ll get from being this innovative. Think of all the news reports—”

“Talking about how they got food poisoning from raw fish and bubble tea,” Levi says, snatching the disgusting drink and pouring it down the sink. “No fucking thanks.”

“Levi!” they gasp before practically pouting at him. “You’re no fun. And you owe me money for that tuna.”

“ You owe me money for the milk, the tea, and the boba.”

“Hmm… Okay, fine, we’ll call it even.”

The door’s chime goes off, and Hanji automatically turns to the front, wearing their customer service smile. 

“Hello, welcome!”

Levi turns to face the door—he doesn’t bother to smile like Hanji does; it’s not like people are ever really here for that long—but he tenses slightly when he sees it’s Eren, standing in the doorway with his eyes wide and his cheeks already slightly pink. 

“Hi—” Eren’s voice cracks, and he hurriedly clears his throat. “H-hey.”

Levi raises a hand in Eren’s direction, briefly, before swiveling around and shoving Hanji towards the back.

“Hanji. Leave.”

“What? Why?”

“Just leave. Don’t you have another ‘food science’ video to record for your channel or something?”

“Aw, Levi, do you have my upload schedule memorized—”

“Leave.”

“Okay!” they say, holding up their hands in surrender. “I’m leaving.”

Levi doesn’t turn back to Eren until he’s sure that Hanji’s gone. When he finally does look back, he finds Eren staring at him, a small smile on his lips—a mildly concerned smile, but a smile all the same. 

“What was that?” Eren asks.

“Just saving myself from a pain in the ass,” Levi says with a sigh, and Eren laughs a little.

Levi’s expression softens.

“...I’m glad you came back.”

Eren’s eyes widen, but soon he’s smiling sheepishly, cheeks red as he drops his gaze to the floor. 

“I mean, it’s hard to let go of the guy who literally made me feel sparks…”

“Oh?”

Eren’s head snaps up, red blush spreading down his neck. He’s got a black choker on, and it makes his blush stand out even more. 

“I-I mean, uh—”

“You’re taking it back?” Levi asks, leaning towards him. 

Levi can hear Eren's breath stutter when he gets close. 

“N-no.”

“Good.”

Levi leans away and straightens up, satisfied with the reaction he received. 

“What’ll you have?”

“I… huh?” 

“What drink, Eren?” 

“O-oh.” Eren clears his throat and shifts his gaze to the menu. “Mm… Almond black tea sounds good.”

“Regular size with boba?”

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s—sounds good.” 

Levi manages to catch Eren rubbing his face with his hands, shoulders hunched, just before he turns away to make tea. 

This guy’s a mess. A complete fucking mess. 

...But there’s something kind of endearing about it.

~ ~ ~

“You’re back again,” Levi says. 

“Yeah,” Eren says. “I, um… decided I wanted to try all your drinks. Find out which one’s my favorite.”

Levi hums a little in response, watching as Eren fumbles with his wallet.

“What’s, uh, what’s your favorite, Levi?”

“Why don’t I let you know when you drink it?”

Levi’s gotten a lot more confident around Eren after that whole “you literally made me feel sparks” comment that Eren accidentally let slip. Besides, Eren reacts so wildly to everything that Levi can’t help but want to push him a little. It satisfies something in him. 

And the sense of familiarity that Levi felt when they first met only gets stronger the more they talk.

“You’re just trying to get me to buy more tea,” Eren says with a half-hearted glare. 

It seems like Eren’s getting a bit more confident too. 

“You’re going to buy it anyway, aren’t you?”

“I mean, but you know that, so can’t you just tell me your favorite?”

“No.”

“You didn’t even consider it! Asshole.”

“About time you learned it.”

Eren rolls his eyes, sliding his stamp card and some money onto the counter. 

“What are you getting?” Levi asks.

“Hmm… Rose milk black tea.”

Halfway through making Eren’s drink, Levi gets an idea. He scribbles something on the back of Eren’s stamp card before handing it back.

“I’m free on weekends,” Levi says, purposely passing the card back to Eren by hand.

Eren just blinks at him.

“Okay…?” 

Levi rolls his eyes and flips the card over. 

“I’m free on weekends,” he says again. 

Eren’s eyes grow wide as saucers as he sees the phone number on the back of the card.

“O-oh. That’s what you—Okay! Yeah, okay. I’ll, uh… I’ll keep that in mind.”

Levi bites back a chuckle when he sees Eren grinning like an idiot on his way out. 

~ ~ ~

Levi gets a text message on Saturday morning.

‘Mikasa help meeeeeee this hot guy gave me his number and now I dont know what to dooo. Should I text him??? Send help pls Im gonna die’

Levi scoffs, typing out a quick response.

‘Just ask him out.’

‘Dbfbadshgfhs noooooo I cant do that Kasa. I dont have the nerve’

‘WAIT’

Levi nearly laughs.

‘Oh my god. No. I didnt mean to send that to you!! Im so sprry’

‘sorru*’

‘sorrt**’

‘SORRY I MEANT SORRY’

Levi decides to cast a bit of pity on Eren and just calls.

“You can just delete my number,” Eren says after picking up immediately. “It’s okay. I wouldn’t blame you. I’d delete my own number if I could.”

“I’m not deleting your number, Eren.”

“Okay, well then, just hear me out. I can explain.”

“Eren—”

“I had your number open, like in a message, ready to text. I said that weird. You get the idea, right?”

“Eren—”

“But I panicked and was going to text my friend instead, but I guess I just never switched numbers and sent it to you. I don’t know how it happened, but I mean, I’ve done stupider shit before, so—”

“Eren.”

"Yeah…?"

“Let’s go out. Tomorrow, for lunch.”

“O-okay.”

“What’s your favorite food?”

“I like sushi?”

“Alright. I’ll text you my address. Meet me at one.”

“...Are you sure?” 

Levi rolls his eyes, but his voice is soft, not teasing when he replies. 

“Yes, I’m sure.”

“I-it’s a date, then?”

“Yes, it’s a date.”

“Okay. Okay, cool.”

Levi hears Eren whisper “Fuck, yes,” just before he hangs up.

~ ~ ~

Eren offers to drive Levi, so Levi lets him. The car ride to the restaurant is uneventful; Eren keeps a firm grip on the wheel and answers any questions Levi has with a single word or some kind of grunt. He’s nervous, couldn’t possibly be more obvious about it. Levi doesn’t know how to help him without literally leaving, and that’s not what Levi wants.

Levi wants to get to know this guy, to get the answer to this lingering familiarity in his chest, to understand why he felt a shock when they touched. He wants Eren to stick around. 

But Eren…

Eren jumps when Levi speaks up from behind him as they enter the restaurant. He thrusts himself away from Levi when he realizes how close they are, bumping a waiter in the process and causing them to drop their tray in a mess of fish, rice, and broken ceramic. 

Levi asks the cashier if they can get takeout instead as Eren hurries to pay the restaurant back. 

Eren just can’t seem to handle being around Levi.

Maybe… it’s just not meant to be.

“Eren.”

“Hm?” 

Eren’s looking over at him, his hand over his mouth as he tries to swallow his mouthful of food. They’ve migrated to an empty park, sitting on a blanket that happened to be in the trunk of Eren’s car. Their styrofoam takeout boxes are between them like a shoddy picnic set up, and they have to fight off stray leaves as the wind attempts to blow them right into their sushi. 

“Are you sure you… wanted this?”

Eren gulps loudly as he finally gets his food down.

“The sushi?”

Levi rolls his eyes. 

“No. This. This date. With me.”

Green eyes widen immediately, and Eren leans forward, waving his hands frantically in front of himself. 

“Yeah, of course! I did—I do , I swear.”

“...Alright.”

Eren bites his lip, shoulders hunching. 

“Did I… Did I say something? Or do something wrong…?”

“No. It just seems like it’s hard for you to be around me—”

“It’s not hard!” Eren exclaims before wincing at himself and lowering his voice. “I-it’s not that it’s hard . I just—I’m—When I’m around you—”

“Eren—”

“I’m really, really into you,” Eren says. “I’ve never—nobody’s made me feel like this. I just—I don’t want to fuck it up. I want to impress you and all that other romantic shit because when I look at you—when I look at you, it feels like I’ve known you forever. Like you’re… who I’ve been waiting for.”

Levi’s mouth opens and shuts noiselessly as Eren’s face starts to burn red. Eren buries his face into his hands, curling in on himself.

“Oh my—fuck, why did I—I wasn’t supposed to say that—”

Levi reaches across the blanket to pull Eren’s hands away from his face, that shock, that tingling feeling surges through him the moment they touch. And when Levi doesn’t go, when he hangs onto Eren’s hands and keeps those green eyes looking at him, that tingling sensation turns to heat. It’s warmth pooling in his chest, seeping into his veins, making his brain into a hazy mess—

“L-Levi…”

Levi sucks in a sharp breath, leaning closer, upwards until their noses brush. He can’t hear Eren breathing at all, but he feels warm hands moving up to rest on his waist. 

“Feel free to stop me,” Levi says. 

Mingled among the heat, the hazy confusion in his brain, Levi gets a punch of deja vu. It’s not even a vague, “maybe this has happened before.” This has happened. It happened exactly like this, or very similarly. He’s had Eren this close before, said that exact sentence to him.

“I won’t.”

And that too. Eren’s said that to Levi before. 

Eren’s chapped lips have met Levi’s like this once. Maybe more. 

The warmth swirls in Levi’s chest and feels so much like relief. Like coming home. And the kiss quickly becomes more than a tribute to this sense of deja vu as Levi places his hands on Eren’s cheeks, pulling him closer. It’s about sinking into this moment, soaking it all in. 

It’s about kissing Eren so fiercely that he’ll want to do it again. And again. Over and over again.

~ ~ ~ 

‘Hey Levi’

‘I had a really good time today!!’

‘I uh’

‘I really don’t know how to explain how I ended up passing out like that’

‘I think I forgot to breathe while I was kissing you’

‘Thanks for calling my friend to pick me up by the way’

'Actually I hope you got home okay??? I drove you to the park???? I'm pretty sure Mikasa didn't drive you home????'

‘Ahjsfdhakkjhdsf’

‘Its okay you can delete my number. I would.’

‘But if you dont…. I’ll see you soon??’

‘See you soon.’

‘Make sure to breathe next time.’

‘Next time????’

‘I mean yeah for sure.’

‘I’ll do that’

~ ~ ~

Levi dreams of it. Of kissing Eren. Except it flickers, it changes. The world shifts around them as their lips meet. 

At first, it’s that moment in the park. It’s kissing Eren for the first time even though it didn’t feel like the first time. And then it was in some stone-walled building, sitting on a bed together. Eren looks different. He’s younger. His hair is shorter. He’s wearing old-fashioned clothes with all kinds of brown leather straps and he looks so sad —

And then Eren’s older. Still a bit younger than they are right now, but older than that short-haired Eren in the stone room. This Eren stays the same as Levi kisses him, but the location keeps shifting. They’re in a wood-walled little home that looks straight out of a fantasy novel. They’re standing in the woods with bows strapped to their backs. They’re in the center of what looks like a cafe, a crowd of fond onlookers watching them from their tables. 

They’re sitting in front of a tree, by two little headstones tucked in the grass by its roots. They’re lying in bed together, wrapped up in each other’s arms. Except Eren’s grip on him feels too loose. Eren’s body feels too heavy. Too cold. 

Levi moves up to try and kiss him, as if he could push the heat of life back through his lips. 

And then, Eren’s gone. The world, the buildings, the forests Levi had seen all fade to black. 

When Levi wakes up, he’s all alone. 

~ ~ ~

“Do you like green tea, Levi?” 

Ever since Levi had that dream, his chest aches. It pulses incessantly, and it nags at his thoughts all day. It never stops. 

“Levi?” 

Nothing makes sense to Levi anymore. The spark from Eren, the heat when they kissed, the feelings of deja vu, the dream—

He doesn’t know what any of it means. Where were they? What was that place? When did he meet that younger Eren? Did he even meet Eren at that age or is his head just playing tricks on him?

“Levi!” 

A shock dances across Levi's shoulder and makes him jerk away. He looks back over at Eren with a frown, and Eren retracts his hand.

"Sorry," Eren says. "You looked upset, and I forgot that… that that happens when we touch."

Levi drags his fingers through his hair with a sigh. 

"No… It's my bad. What were you saying?"

"I was just asking if you like green tea."

Levi raises an eyebrow at him.

"I do."

Eren takes in a deep breath and drags his gaze back to the menu.

"...Okay."

"I'm guessing you don't like green tea."

"Every time I've had it, I thought it was gross, but I'll trust you."

"Trust isn't going to help your tastebuds."

"I will find out your favorite," Eren says. "I'm not gonna let nasty tea get in my way—Oh, fuck, no offense to you though."

Levi scoffs.

"Just tell me what you're getting. This one's free; you finally finished your first stamp card."

"I'll try the… honey milk green tea."

"Got it."

Levi gets to work on making Eren's tea, and the shop falls into silence for a moment. Levi's expression darkens as the lack of conversation brings his attention back to the ache within him. He still doesn't know what caused it. He and Eren kissed, and then he had that dream—

And now Levi hurts like hell every second of the day. 

What is it about Eren that makes Levi like this? What is their weird… supernatural connection?

"Eren."

"Hm?"

"Do you feel any different? Since we…" Levi clears his throat. "Since that day at the park?"

"O-oh, um… Different how?"

"Are you hurting anywhere?"

"Hurting?"

Levi looks back to see Eren looking back at him with a concerned frown. 

"No. Are you? Are you okay?"

...So it’s just Levi. 

“I’m fine,” Levi says. “Just curious.” 

“Oh. Okay.”

“Here’s your tea,” Levi says, sliding it across the counter towards Eren. “See you soon.”

“Oh. Yeah… See you soon.”

~ ~ ~

Levi dreams about Eren again. They’re drinking tea together—drinking it out of little ceramic teacups as they sit at rustic wooden tables. It’s that short-haired Eren in that stone building, and then it flickers. Eren’s hair is still short but they’re in that little wooden house again. And then everytime it flickers, Eren gets a little older—his hair a little longer, his jaw more defined. Two more times and the house is different, a little bigger. Four times and the scene flickers between the home and the cafe. With every flicker, Eren’s smile between sips gets bigger. 

The eight time, and Eren’s gone. Levi’s drinking tea in the house alone. 

~ ~ ~

“You look tired. Are you okay?”

Levi blinks blearily up at Eren from across the counter. Eren’s wearing slightly less black today. He’s got on a green hoodie that brings out the color in his eyes. His eyes are just like they are in Levi’s dreams. So bright, so vivid… Levi supposes that’s just the one thing about Eren that never changes. 

“Levi?”

Right. Eren was asking him a question.

“I’m fine,” Levi says. “Just haven’t been sleeping well.”

“You look like you could use a break. Why don’t you close up shop for a bit?” 

“I said I’m fine—”

“Captain—”

Levi’s already aching chest throbs. 

Eren stops, his eyes growing wide as he covers his mouth with his hands. 

“What did you say?”

“Um, nothing. Maybe I’m tired too—”

“ Eren.”

Captain. Captain? Why does that sound so familiar? Levi’s not a captain of anything, but it just… It feels… fitting somehow. Come to think of it, that green hoodie that Eren’s wearing is triggering that same sense, that feeling of familiarity that he’s always gotten with Eren. But why? What does that mean?

And why is Eren looking at him so panicked? Like he said something he wasn’t supposed to say?

Why did Eren call him “Captain?”

“Eren—”

“So-sorry, I just remembered I had, uh, so—um, something important due. Today. So I-I need to go.”

“Wait—”

Levi can’t get around the counter to Eren fast enough, not while he’s still aching from the inside out. Eren runs out the door before Levi can stop him. The bell on the door chimes over Levi’s heavy breathing and mocks him as Eren disappears down the street and leaves Levi all alone. 

~ ~ ~

Eren doesn’t come back. When it was just a day or two, Levi thought that maybe it was just a temporary thing. He thought Eren would come back again. He always did, every time before this. 

But a day becomes two and two days quickly becomes a week. And then that week becomes two and—

Eren’s not coming back, is he?

~ ~ ~

‘Eren.’

‘If I’ve done something wrong, I’m sorry.’

‘If you could just tell me how to fix it, I would.’

‘You told me once: it’s hard to let go of the guy who made you feel sparks.’

‘It’s hard for me too. To let you go.’

‘I don’t want to.’

‘I don’t want to let you go.’

…

‘You wanted to know my favorite tea, right?’

‘I don’t know why I hid that from shit from you.’

‘I’ll tell you. Just talk to me.’

‘Please.’

~ ~ ~

Not being able to stop Eren gives Levi deja vu too, now that he has the time to think about it. There was something else that he wasn’t able to stop Eren from doing. Something that made Eren go away for a long time. 

After recognizing it—that moment and its feeling of deja vu—Levi dreams about it. Eren in some kind of cell in a dungeon, chained up like a criminal. A small, dark bottle in his hands. 

Levi realizes it after that. They’re not just dreams. Because Eren, in that dream, calls him “Captain” too.

~ ~ ~

Eren probably doesn’t want to remember. Levi realizes that when he dreams of them being married. When he dreams of how Eren said goodbye. 

“I want you to be able to move on, Levi. That’s all I really want.”

It’s not that Levi didn’t move on. He did. He let tea continue to be his passion, and he let that be what led him through life. He didn’t throw everything away or give up because he didn’t have Eren. And in this new life—what, 2000 years in the future?—Eren wasn’t even consciously on his mind. Levi’s got his own friends, his own life, his own business. Sure, it’s called L & E’s again, but it’s not like Levi knew.

Maybe Eren wants Levi to completely move on. To stop falling for Eren over and over again. 

Too fucking late. 

“Move on, Levi Ackerman.”

Why? Why should he? Why now? They’re not trapped in that time anymore. Their lives aren’t in danger anymore. The world isn’t in danger. There’s no time limit that’ll keep them apart. This should be the one time that Levi’s allowed to not move on. This should be the one time Levi’s allowed to stay. 

“Move on, Levi Ackerman.”

Is that what Eren wants?

~ ~ ~

‘Eren.’

‘You don’t have to come around. You don’t owe me anything.’

‘Just tell me one thing.’

‘Do you regret it now?’

‘All of it. Us. Who we used to be.’

‘That’s all I want to know.’

~ ~ ~

L & E’s is doing fine. Business is picking up, even without Levi’s one regular customer. Levi…

Levi’s doing okay. He remembers, and remembering feels like shit when the man he remembers isn’t around. But he’s doing okay. 

He’s doing okay until a certain black-clothed brunet walks in and flips his world upside down all over again. 

It’s not Eren’s usual time. It’s close to closing, actually. Levi’s wiping down the tables and chairs when the bell dings and signals someone’s entrance. He turns, planning on telling whoever it is that they’ll just have to wait until tomorrow. 

And then Levi sees Eren. 

Eren freezes when Levi looks at him. He still has his hand on the door handle, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet like he’s trying to decide if he should run. 

“Uh…” Eren clears his throat. “Hi.”

“...Hi.”

Levi doesn’t know what to think. His mind isn’t in the present just yet because it’s the first time he’s seen Eren since remembering, and his brain is flashing with images as it tries to match up with this nervous wreck of a man that hasn’t talked to Levi in weeks with the loving husband that was rarely away from Levi’s side. 

“I…” Eren says slowly, “I freaked out last time.”

“No shit.”

Eren winces and stuffs his hands into his pockets. He averts his gaze, not straying far from the door. 

“Levi… I’m sorry.” 

Levi’s shoulders lower slightly, and he shakes his head. 

“You don’t have to apologize for disappearing on me. Just tell me why—”

“Not that,” Eren says, but he grimaces and lowers his head. “No, that too, but I… That’s not what I’m apologizing for.”

Levi frowns and crosses his arms over his chest. Eren’s head lowers even further, and he takes in a shuddering breath before taking a step in Levi’s direction. 

“I didn’t—I didn’t know. When I met you,” Eren says. “If I had known—If I had known I wouldn’t have—I wouldn’t have come back.”

Eren’s words strike Levi straight in the chest and his breath stutters. Wouldn’t have come back? What? If Levi had known right when they met, he would have kept seeking Eren out. He wouldn’t have let him go—

Oh.

“L & E’s is doing so good without the E,” Eren continues. “ You’re doing good without—without me. And then I just—I just walked into your life and trapped you all over again.”

...What?

“Eren—”

“You were finally free of me, and I just— fuck. You did what I asked, and then I just… I ruined it for you all over again!”

“Eren, stop.” 

Levi walks across the room towards Eren, but when he starts to get close, Eren flinches and backs away.

"Levi—"

"When did I ever say that you ruined things for me?"

"You didn't have to say it—"

"No," Levi says, "I didn't because it's not true."

"Levi, please—"

" No ," Levi snaps. He takes in a deep breath, trying to cool himself down again. "You… Why would you even think like that? Ruined things for me? Trapped me? Eren, I fucking married you—you think I hated all of that?"

"No… No, but I—" Eren buries his face in his hands. "Levi, how do you think we ended up here?"

"What do you mean?"

" Here. With no more titans. The loop is over. Have you thought about why?"

"...No."

"I was supposed to free everyone. Everyone. Including you. The reason it kept looping… The reason it finally stopped… Only one thing changed. You. You grew past me. You didn't need me anymore. You let me go and were finally free. And now I…"

"And now you're back."

Eren sniffles from behind his hands and nods. Levi takes a deep breath, running his fingers through his hair. 

Maybe that’s true. Separating Eren from the Founder wasn’t enough. Maybe Eren was stuck there because he hadn’t freed everyone after all—because Levi couldn’t get over Eren, couldn’t move on. 

But, still… 

"Did you see me?"

"What?"

"Did you see me?" Levi asks again. "After you were gone."

Eren raises his head out of his hands just enough to look over at Levi with skeptical, narrowed eyes.

"No, I couldn't. I was—"

"Dead," Levi says. "So you didn't know. You didn't see how long it took me to let go, to be fine in all the places that used to be ours."

Eren's eyes squeeze shut, his face falling back into his hands. Levi takes a step closer.

"You didn't see, Eren. Even after I got over you and could live without you…"

He reaches out, brushing his fingers against Eren's arm. Eren jolts as invisible sparks dance around their skin. 

"I still loved you. Talked to everyone about you. Did everything I could to keep your memory alive."

"Levi, stop—"

"I love you," Levi says. "I don't know what caused us to get out of that hell. You can believe it was me moving on all you want."

Levi's hands move up, curl around Eren's fingers and pull them away from his face.

"But the fact that we're here again, together… That seems like some lucky shit to me. I'd rather believe in that."

Levi takes a step closer. Eren's eyes are watery and spilling over as their continued contact turns tingling electricity into heat, into warmth.

Eren is here, right in front of him. Against all odds, they've met again. Fallen for each other again, without even knowing. And Eren's not a titan—he's just a person, not cursed by a power destined to kill him in thirteen years. And Levi's not Humanity's Strongest anymore. He doesn't have to put himself on the line for anyone or anything. He can just be here. Be just Levi. Just like Eren used to say he could be. 

Eren never trapped him. All he's ever done is try and set Levi free. And even now, freer than ever… Levi still wants Eren. Eren's always going to be the one he chooses. 

But Eren…

"What do you want, Eren?" Levi asks. 

Eren squeezes his eyes shut again, shaking with every breath. 

"To tell you the truth," Eren whispers. "I lied to you. Back then."

Levi frowns. 

"When?"

"W-when I told you I just wanted you to move on. I… I wanted us to grow old together, but I didn't—I didn't want to tell you. I knew you'd try to find a way—"

"Right now," Levi says. "Right now, Eren. What do you want right now?"

"I-I still want it. I want you, for as long as I can. I want to grow old with you."

Levi sighs, stepping closer and dropping his head against Eren's chest. Eren stiffens for a moment before his arms wrap around Levi's waist, pulling their bodies flush against each other.

"Shit, Eren," Levi says, placing his hands on Eren's cheeks to bring him lower. "You could have told me that the second you remembered."

"I wasn't sure if that was what you wanted, after all this time."

"And here I would've thought me kissing you until you passed out would make you pretty damn sure."

A garbled noise tears out of Eren's throat, and Levi can feel the burn of a blush beneath his hands as it spreads across Eren's cheeks.

"Th-that was—I didn't quite remember yet—plus you caught me off guard—"

"Those are shitty excuses and you know it."

Eren glares down at him, his arms tightening around Levi's waist.

"Maybe you just needed to kiss me more so that I could be sure."

Levi's gaze shifts from Eren's eyes to his lips.

"I could make up for that right now."

Eren's face is getting hotter.

"Then… Then please do."

After their lips meet, Eren whispers into their kiss every time they pull away for breath.

"I would never… regret anything about when we were together. I… I'm sorry that I… even made you think that."

Levi sighs, pulling back slightly.

"Quit apologizing and just make up for it, shitty brat."

It's been so long since Levi has felt Eren's smile against his lips.

"Yes, sir."

~ ~ ~

Buying takeout and eating it at the park quickly becomes their go-to date idea. 

“I mean, it’s better this way,” Eren said, his mouth half-full with pizza. “Think of all the money we’re saving by not having to worry about not breaking glasses. Or salt shakers. Or tables.”

“How the fuck have you even survived this long?”

They use that time to catch up. To get to know each other all over again. 

“You’re in med school?”

“Trying to be a nurse,” Eren says. “I was going to be a doctor like Dad, but I really just wanted to start getting paid—I mean, saving lives. Also, my mom’s a nurse, so she likes to say it’s proof that she’s my favorite parent.”

Levi heaves a sigh, rubbing his face with his hand. 

“Shit, Eren,” he grumbles. “You really had to make this hard on me, didn’t you?”

“Wha—what are you talking about?”

“Rich ass parents. Family of doctors and shit. My mom’s just glad I graduated high school.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that!”

“Yeah, we’ll see if your parents think the same thing.”

Eren rolls his eyes and waves his hand dismissively.

“You’ll be fine. Just, like… phrase it nice or something. You’re a business owner—an entrepreneur!”

“A boba entrepreneur?”

“Yeah, exactly! A tea aficionado. A man with incredible drink expertise—”

Levi just sighs again.

“Let’s hope my winning personality is enough.”

Eren chokes on his food from laughing too hard. He only laughs harder when Levi chucks a wad of napkins at his head. 

Levi can’t help but think that he’s royally screwed.

~ ~ ~

It turns out, meeting Eren’s friends would be an ordeal all on its own. But not so much for Levi as it is for Eren. 

“So, this is the guy you passed out on during your first date?” Jean asks, looking Levi up and down. 

Eren lets out a choked sound and whirls on Mikasa, who shifts her gaze and looks at the wall. 

“You told Jean?”

“Technically,” Marco says, dropping his chin onto Jean’s shoulder, “not just Jean.”

“More like everyone in our group chat,” Historia pipes up.

“Why didn’t I see it?!”

“The other group chat,” Ymir replies with a roll of her eyes. “The one without you in it.”

“The what?”

Levi and Mikasa happen to meet each other’s gazes as he passes out everyone’s orders—why they ended up coming to L & E’s to meet him, Levi has no clue—and she smiles slightly at him. 

“It was a good first impression,” Mikasa says. “The fact that you called me instead of anyone else in Eren’s contacts, I mean.”

“Yeah, well, I happened to already know your name,” Levi replies. “After he accidentally sent me a message that was supposed to go to you.”

Eren gasps. 

“Levi, no—”

“What, was he asking me for advice about you?”

“You know your friend well, don’t you?”

Eren buries his face into his hands for a second before turning to face two of his blond friends, who are draped over each other in the corner of the room.

“Armin, save me…”

Annie snorts. 

“Armin was laughing the second he got the text.”

Armin gasps.

“Annie, don’t tell him that!”

Eren’s face falls.

“You’re all dead to me,” Eren says. “I’d kill you if I could.”

Levi nearly chokes, and Eren slaps his hand over his mouth.

“Too soon?” he whispers at Levi.

“No,” Levi says. “Just wasn’t expecting to laugh.”

“Levi! That’s fucked up!”

“You’re the one that said it.”

Eren’s friends all exchange looks as Eren half-heartedly punches Levi in the arm. 

“What are they talking about?” Sasha whispers to Connie. 

“Dude, I’ve got no fucking clue.”

~ ~ ~

“Sorry!” Kuchel Ackerman says, hurriedly sweeping paint brushes off of the couch and into a plastic container that she keeps on the coffee table. “It’s a bit messy in here.”

“A bit? That’s an understatement.” Levi repeats with a scoff, swiping his thumb across a still-wet spot of paint on the coffee table and grimacing.

“Levi!” Eren says with a gasp. “That’s your mom! You shouldn’t say that.”

“It’s because she’s my mom that I say it,” Levi replies with a shake of his head. “Every time I visit, I clean up. Every time I come back, it’s filthy again.”

Kuchel just laughs and drops onto the sofa, patting the empty space beside her. Eren hurries to sit in the spot she indicates, and Levi rolls his eyes. 

They decided to introduce Eren to Levi’s mother first because Levi could already predict how she’d react. He knows they have nothing to worry about from her. 

Despite all that, Eren’s been on the verge of hyperventilating since they got out of the car. 

“I just got too used to you cleaning up after me, that’s all,” Kuchel says.

“No shit.”

“Levi!”

“Don’t worry about it, Eren,” Kuchel says with a wave of her hand. “I’m the one who raised him like this. It doesn’t bother me.”

Levi drops himself onto the armrest of the chair beside the sofa—the chair itself is covered in blank canvases, so he can’t sit there—before waving his hand vaguely between his mother and Eren.

“Eren, my mom. Mom, that’s Eren. I’ve told you about him already.”

“You have.” 

Kuchel holds out her hand to Eren.

“It’s nice to finally meet you.”

Eren takes in a shuddering breath before taking her hand in both of his. Her eyes grow wide and her gaze flickers to Levi for a moment, questioning. Levi just shrugs, unsure of where this is going. 

“I’m really glad that I’m able to meet you,” Eren says. “And I-I… I wanted to thank you because without you—without you, I wouldn’t have the man I love. I’ve always wanted to be able to thank you for that.”

An image flashes in Levi’s mind. A big tree in a yard. Two little headstones nestled in its roots. Two mothers that neither of them were able to meet. 

“Ah, fuck—”

Eren pulls his hands away from Kuchel’s, rubbing his wet eyes with his hands. 

“S-sorry, um—Fuck, this is embarrassing—”

Kuchel lays a hand on Eren’s shoulder.

“It’s not,” she says softly. “Thank you.”

Eren sniffles, still frantically rubbing his eyes, and Kuchel’s gaze briefly flickers to Levi. She mouths something at him.

Keep this one.

Levi rolls his eyes. 

“I will,” he says out loud before getting to his feet. “Should I make us some tea? Eren?”

Eren looks over at Levi, already recovering, his lips curved into a little smile.

“Is it Special Sleepy Tea?”

“It is.”

“Then, I’d love some.”

~ ~ ~

“Ah!” Hanji exclaims, pointing at Eren. “I know you! You came to L & E’s and then Levi kicked me out!”

“Yeah,” Eren says, smiling sheepishly. “Still not sure why Levi did that, actually.”

Levi, already with a glass of wine in hand and slumped on the couch of his apartment, sighs.

“You’ll get it before the night’s over.”

“I’m Hanji, by the way,” they say. “Levi’s business partner, food science extraordinaire—”

“Certified fucking menace.”

“Levi! Stop bullying me in front of your boyfriend! I’m a good person, otherwise why would you still be friends with me?”

“Because you don’t leave me alone.”

“I—Well, actually, now that you say it…” 

Eren laughs. 

“Nice to meet you, Hanji.” 

Erwin drops onto the couch beside Levi, and Levi finds himself sandwiched between the big blond and Eren. 

“And you’re Erwin?” Eren asks, scooting a little closer to Levi.

“I am,” Erwin says. “And you must be the E to Levi’s L.”

Levi stiffens. One of Eren’s hands curls into Levi’s shirt.

They agreed not to tell anyone about the past; it’s better that way. Nothing good will come of reminding them how they suffered, how they died, and how they fought against each other. Levi and Eren are fine with that time being their own little secret—even if that means having to keep the happy memories to themselves too. 

“What are you talking about?” Levi asks. “Eren and I didn’t meet until after I opened the place.”

“This is true,” Erwin says, “but you did always say that you didn’t know what the E stood for. Who’s to say this isn’t some act of fate?”

“I, um, I really don’t think—” Eren stammers.

“Actually,” Hanji says, dropping their chin into their hand, “I’m still curious about that. A part of me always thought that E was for Erwin, considering the massive crush he had on Levi during high school.”

Erwin chokes midway through sipping from his glass of wine, slamming his fist onto his chest. On Levi’s other side, long arms wrap around his waist and tug him against Eren’s chest. Eren’s chin lands on top of Levi’s head, his body completely dwarfing Levi’s as he practically tries to smother Levi in an attempt to pull him away from Erwin. Levi just rolls his eyes.

He could clear it up himself, but Levi kind of wants to see where this goes. 

Hanji covers their mouth with their hands. 

“Sorry, Eren. I definitely did not mean that—well, I thought it, but that doesn’t mean it’s true .”

Eren’s grip tightens around Levi.

“I see what you mean now,” Eren grumbles. “About Hanji.”

Hanji’s arms flail as they struggle to apologize.

“Ahh, I’m sorry! I really didn’t mean any harm!”

Erwin clears his throat.

“Eren. Trust me, you don’t have to worry about that. Levi—” Erwin clears his throat again, setting his wine glass down. “Levi brutally rejected me in high school. So, that’s an irrelevant point.”

Eren loosens his grip on Levi, but only slightly. 

“Good,” Eren says. “Er, wait, not good that you were brutally rejected, um—”

“No,” Levi says. “Don’t take it back. It was good. I enjoyed it.”

Erwin sighs, rubbing his face with his hands. 

“Can we please bring our conversation away from the dark ages?”

Eren hums, still curled against Levi’s back.

“...Actually, I kind of want to hear more about it.”

“I will also talk about it if it gets you to forgive me!” Hanji exclaims. 

“I’m not against it,” Levi says.

Erwin heaves a sigh. 

“Why did I even come?”

~ ~ ~

It's not that Levi doesn't want to meet Eren's parents, it's just that…

No. It is that. Levi definitely doesn't want to meet Eren's parents. 

"Levi, come on. We've both met everyone in each other's lives except for my parents," Eren says. "We've been dating for a year. They're starting to not believe me when I say you're busy."

"If they don't approve of me—"

"They will—"

"But if they don't—"

" Levi ."

Eren grabs hold of Levi's face, lowering his own head to touch their foreheads together. 

"What's going on?" Eren asks softly. "This isn't like you." 

Levi sighs, laying his hand over Eren's.

"It would be different," Levi says, "if it was back then. Back when I was Humanity's Strongest. But these days I'm just…"

"Just Levi," Eren says, "and I love that about you."

"But you're not 'Just Eren,'" Levi snaps. "You're already almost a nurse, following your family legacy—"

"It's just a job," Eren insists. "I'm me. I'm who I've always been."

"And you've always been way too good for me," Levi says. "The only difference now is that it's painfully fucking obvious."

Eren bites his lip, green eyes wavering. His thumbs brush against Levi's cheekbones, and Levi sighs, his gaze dropping to the floor. 

"How do I convince you?" Eren asks quietly. "How do I do for you what you've always done for me? You're enough for me, Levi—more than enough."

Levi knows that. Deep down, he knows that. It's just that… 

When Levi introduced Eren to his mother, she liked him instantly. With his friends, it didn't take long for them to be impressed. They see what Levi sees in Eren. Everyone that Levi has introduced to Eren so far has. 

But Levi's not Eren. In the past, people said Eren was lucky to have Levi because of his status as a soldier, because of his strength. That was all he ever had. Eren is energetic and friendly and he's a fucking mess sometimes, but in a way that only seems to get people more attached. People love talking to him and being around him. People love him . And Levi is… Levi is—

Levi's just Levi. He runs a boba shop and he has one employee that he can barely afford to pay—and Hanji only deals with it because they use his ingredients for their fucking YouTube channel. Levi's only seen Eren's family home in pictures and it looks like a fucking mansion—

Levi's never worried about this before. Isabel's a vet, and shit, Erwin's in grad school trying to become a lawyer. Eren's not the only one with a so-called "good job" around him. It's just for Eren that he wants to be more, wants to be better. 

“I just need time,” Levi says, leaning up to brush his lips against Eren’s. “Give me time.”

“Of course,” Eren whispers. “Whatever you need.”

He just needs time. Time to remind himself that “just Levi” is okay. 

Maybe Eren’s right, anyway. He’s his parent’s son—he should be the one who knows if they’re going to disapprove or not. Eren thinks things are going to be fine. Levi should believe him.

~ ~ ~

“You… run a tea shop? That’s it?”

Levi was right and should not have fucking believed. 

“Grisha!”

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, but… My son has a very bright future in front of him. I’m sure you understand.”

Eren’s grip on Levi’s hand is painfully tight. They’re seated in Eren’s family room—they’ve got two sofas on either side of a coffee table. Eren and Levi are on one side, with Eren’s parents on the other. Levi dressed up a little to boost his confidence a bit, wearing a button up shirt beneath a black cardigan, but all the outfit does is make this whole thing feel like some terrible job interview. 

“I do understand,” Levi says. 

“I’m sorry, Levi,” Carla Jaeger says with a pointed glare at her husband. “We’re just a bit protective of Eren. He’s our only child, and we’ve always expected great things from him—”

Levi grits his teeth.

“Right.”

“Oh, no, that’s not—” She bites her lip. “That came out wrong. It wasn’t what I meant—”

“We’re not trying to insult you, Levi,” Grisha says. “This is just… a surprise.”

“What do you mean ‘a surprise?’” Eren snaps. “You knew . I told you. You said it was fine—”

“But we didn’t think that was all —” 

Carla not-so-subtly digs the heel of her foot into her husband’s toes.

“Regardless,” Carla says loudly, with a brief glare at Grisha when he tries to speak up again, “the important thing is how you feel about each other. Right, Grisha?”

“Yes,” Grisha says, clearing his throat. “Of course. And Eren has told us many times about how happy he is with you. That’s good enough for us.”

Eren’s grip on Levi’s hand loosens a little, his tense shoulders lowering. The same relief hasn’t come to Levi yet, not when Eren’s mother still looks concerned, when his father’s still wearing a frown. 

Levi’s not going to settle for this.

He threads his fingers together with Eren’s, palm to palm, and takes a deep breath. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Jaeger,” Levi says slowly. “Maybe I’m not what you wanted for your son.”

Carla Jaeger’s eyes grow wide.

“That’s not—”

“But he is what I’ve always wanted,” Levi continues. “Eren… Eren fills in a part of me that I didn’t know was empty. Eren is—”

Eren is his sun. He’s the daylight that lets Levi see a path forward. He’s the vibrant, aggressive heat that spurs Levi on from behind. He’s kind. He’s caring. He’s violent. He’s stupid. He’s gentle. He’s a fucking mess. He’s Levi’s hero. 

“He’s important to me in ways I can’t even describe. I don't know where I’d be— who I’d be without him.”

They’ve battled against titans, against time, against their own fucking hearts. To be here. To be together, despite everything. When one of them falls, the other is there to pick them up. They’ve built lives, saved worlds, escaped hells together. They did it because they trusted each other. Because they loved each other. Because they still do. Because they always will. 

“I can’t promise that I’ll be able to forward his career or whatever shit you wanted his partner to do—”

But Levi is going to do what he can. What he’s always done. Give Eren his all. Be there for him. Take care of him. Treat him like a king because that’s what he fucking deserves.

“But I’ll do everything in my power to make him happy. I hope that’s enough.”

Levi’s head is down. He couldn’t look at Eren’s parents while talking—couldn’t bring himself to look at anyone. Eren has his hand trapped in a grip as tight as a vice, and that spurred Levi on, even when the room was silent. 

But now he’s finished, and the room is still quiet. 

...Did he take it too far?

And then Levi hears a sniffle. A pair of them, actually. Levi looks up with a frown, but he pauses when he sees Carla Jaeger with her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking. Levi, wildly concerned, turns to Eren for advice, only to see Eren doubled over and shaking in a way nearly identical to his mother. 

“Levi,” Eren mumbles, his voice garbled. “ Fuck, warn me if you’re gonna make me cry.”

“Watch your language,” Carla says, “but I also agree.”

Levi blinks. 

“My… bad?”

Grisha Jaeger sniffs too, dabbing at the corner of his eye with his thumb. 

“That… was certainly enough,” he says. “I’m sorry for doubting you, son.”

Son?

Eren raises his head out of his hands and gets to his feet. Levi, his fingers still tangled with Eren’s, is dragged up with him. Eren takes in a deep breath and wipes his eyes with his free hand. 

“I think we need a group hug,” Eren says.

The way Eren’s parents simultaneously get up almost makes Levi think the whole thing has been rehearsed before.

“We really don’t—” Levi starts. 

“Trust me, Levi,” Grisha says, already opening his arms. “You’re just going to have to get used to this one.”

“Wait a second—”

Levi feels like he’s going to suffocate when he’s suddenly trapped in a circle of limbs. When he stiffens at the excessive contact, Eren laughs in his ear. 

“Welcome to the family, Levi.”

~ ~ ~

It happens after they’ve been together for almost two years. Levi has a day off from L & E’s—business is finally steady enough that he has enough space in the budget for a couple extra employees—and Eren’s got a rare day off as well, though he’s still on call at the hospital. They’re curled up on the couch at their shared apartment, mugs the size of soup bowls in their hands. Filled with Captain’s Special Sleepy Tea, of course. 

“Hey,” Eren says, his head tucked against Levi’s shoulder. “What’s your favorite memory of us?”

Levi takes a deep breath, pulling his mug closer to his chest.

“Favorite? There’s too many to choose from.”

“Don’t be boring, Captain,” Eren teases, elbowing him in the side. “I’m sure you have one .”

Levi sighs and leans back into the couch, closing his eyes. 

“The day we opened L & E’s,” Levi says after a moment. “Seeing the sign for the first time… Having my husband beside me… It was a good day. A really good day.”

Eren hums, and Levi feels him pull away slightly. He hears Eren place his cup down on the table. 

“That was a good day,” Eren says. “Not my favorite, but…”

Levi scoffs, opening his eyes to raise a single eyebrow at Eren. 

“Then what is your favorite?”

Eren grins, his tan cheeks flushing pink. 

“The day you proposed,” Eren says, leaning closer to Levi, close enough that their noses brush. 

Levi kisses Eren without hesitation, his eyes falling shut again. 

“Do you remember what you said to me?” Eren asks.

“Of course I do…”

“You said, ‘I want to spend the rest of our lives together.’”

Eren pulls away, and Levi frowns, reluctantly opening his eyes again with the intention of pulling Eren back to him—

And he finds a silver ring in front of his eyes. A simple little band, just like the one he bought for Eren once upon a time, except this ring has the Wings of Freedom engraved on it. 

“Eren…”

“I want to spend my lives with you,” Eren says, grabbing hold of Levi’s left hand. “This life and every life that comes after. I want it to be with you.”

Eren pauses, the ring just an inch away from Levi’s finger. Big green eyes stare down at Levi, shining with hope.

“I-if that’s what you want too, anyway.”

Levi’s expression softens, and he reaches out to slide his fingers into Eren’s hair, his palm resting against Eren’s cheek. 

“Dumbass. I was the one who asked you first,” Levi says. “You should know that’s exactly what I want.”

Eren laughs.

“Petty to the end.”

“Damn right I am.”

Eren slides the ring on Levi’s finger at the same time that he leans in for a kiss, a smile on his lips.

~ ~ ~

Their wedding is big. Or maybe it just feels that way to Levi because they’ve never had one before. When they were married the first time, they just exchanged rings. There was no ceremony, no official statement. They just were who they were to each other. That’s all they needed. That would have been fine with Levi now too. 

But there’s something nice about really getting married. Having all their family and friends around. Having this permanent fact of their life be a cause for celebration. 

The half-black, half-white suits were Eren’s idea. Split down the middle with the colors being on opposite sides for both of them. 

“I think it’ll be nice,” Eren said, “Like… Like we’re only complete when we’re together. Like there’s half of me with you and half of you with me .”

Levi wasn’t going to say no to that.

When they stand together at the altar, their colors match up at their sleeves where they hold hands. Eren’s crying before they even get to their vows. They still spark when they touch, but it shifts to warmth quickly, and it doesn’t make either of them jump in surprise anymore. It’s another part of their routine, a reminder of how much they care—how long they’ve cared. 

When their touch causes a shock, it makes Levi smile. So, Levi smiles often these days.

"Do you, Eren Jaeger, take Levi Ackerman to be your partner in life and to share a path of life with; equal in love, embraced as a mirror for your true self, promising to honor and cherish him, through good times and bad, and not even in death do you part?”

It was Levi’s idea, to change the vows up a bit. Knowing their history, the phrase “until death do you part” didn’t quite feel right.

Eren takes in a shuddering breath, removing his hand from Levi’s just briefly, to wipe the tears from his eyes. He’s as handsome as ever, long brown hair braided in a low crown, all the stray hairs pulled away to give focus to the green eyes Levi loves so much. 

Everything they’ve been through, suffered through, feels worth it. This one moment makes it worth it. All the times they have ahead make it worth it. 

“I do.”

It almost feels like this is the moment that Levi’s been waiting for since the day they met, all those lifetimes ago. 

“And do you, Levi Ackerman, take Eren Jaeger to be your partner in life and to share a path of life with; equal in love, embraced as a mirror for your true self, promising to honor and cherish him, through good times and bad, and not even in death do you part?”

Eren squeezes his hands, and Levi’s sight blurs, eyes burning—shit, Levi hasn’t cried in all the time they’ve known each other. 

But… if there had to be a first time, Levi’s glad it’s for this. 

Time loops, curses, all powerful beings, eternal punishments—none of that was able to keep them apart. And because of everything they bore together, Levi’s certain that no matter what happens in the future, they can fight through that together too. Because they’re both strong. Both even stronger when they have each other by their sides. 

And to Founder Ymir, who dared to tell Levi to move on… 

No. 

Eren is his. Levi is Eren’s. 

And Levi’s never going to let Eren go again.

“I do.”

Because not even death is enough to keep them apart.