Chapter Text
Monday
While the dictionary definition of a personal-attack is “a rhetorical strategy where the speaker attacks the character of the other person making an arguement” Lumine would argue that a “personal attack” was being told she had no friends over a half-eaten bucket of KFC hot wings.
“I have friends!” the chicken that was halfway into her mouth falls onto the table. “Aether, you, Venti, Amber and Aether.”
“You said Aether twice”
“I did not. You’re just jealous that I have” she pauses to count them on her fingers, unsubtle as she wipes the greese onto her dress. “Five friends. That’s enough to count on one finger.”
Paimon gestured to the state of their booth, as they sat together in a pile of bones, fries and condiments and crinkled her nose - silently asking what there was to be jealous for. The two of them didn’t have enough friends to count on both hands, Lumine’s problem was her short temper and Paimon’s problem was … also Lumine’s short temper.
“Look … Paimon dosen’t mean to sound all judgy but she really dosen’t think you’ve been coping well”
“I’ve been coping very well” Lumine replies, decidedly. “Aether would agree.”
The framed picture of her brother sat next to her in a seat that Lumine had personally stolen from a family of four to “make sure he was comfortable” and was quiet, as one would expect. Even he was judging her, with those kind and forever unblinking eyes.
“You’re not. Lumine, you’re lonely”
Lumine didn’t argue that, because she knew. She had come to that conclusion a fortnight ago over a tub of neopolitan, a box of tissues and her brothers favourite spongebob episode. That didn’t mean she knew what to do with that information, and the idea of therapy scared her half as much as the idea that Aether was dead.
So, while she couldn’t deny it, she shifted the focus of the conversation with the most adult response she could come up with.
“You’re lonely”
Paimon closed her eyes, took in several deep breaths, downed an entire packet of fries and returned to the breathing exercises before responding to the insult.
“When was the last time someone that wasn’t Paimon, Venti or Amber text yo-“
“- You have ONE new message”
The notification seems to dissipate the tension between them, it stills as they do, as they eyes are drawn to the light from Lumine’s phone in baited breaths.
(13:03) If I don’t make it to work tonight, tell Miss Tsarista that something came up.
(13:04) I think Signora’s about to stab me with her high heels, it’s been nice knowing you
The two names didn’t make sense, in fact, the whole message could’ve been written in Liyuean and Lumine would’ve been none the wiser.
(13:10) You have the wrong number.
She held in a breath. It had been too long since she had text a stranger.
(13:11) I seriously don’t have the time for this
(13:11) I attend your stupid flat Earth conventions every year and this is how you repay me, really?
(13:12) That sounds like a you problem
(13:12) I knew it was you!
(13:12) I’m really not joking around
(13:13) Neither am I. I’m not Scaramouche
(13:13) You sound like you’re all bark and no bite
(13:14) I bet you still live with your mum.
(13:14) I moved out last month but I’ll have you know that there is NOTHING wrong with living in your mums basement
(13:14) Someone’s defensive.
(13:15) And someone’s being an ass today.
(13:15) Please tell Miss Tsarita, it’s so hard to block punches while I’m texting
(13:16) Wtf did you do?
(13:16) I asked Signora if she was on her period
(13:16) . . .
(13:17) Thats on you
(13:17) SCARAM AO4$]’WNRMF
“ - If we miss the bus, you’re gonna have to deal with a cold and grumpy Paimon”
Lumine blinked. Ah right, Paimon had been talking to her for the last minute or so. She tossed her phone in the bag, tucked the frame picture between her arms and headed for the bus.
(13:30) Come pick me up
(13:30) I can’t feel my arms
(13:31) I think she broke something
(13:32) multiple things
(13:32) Ah..
Tuesday
Lumine read the five messages but didn’t think it was appropriate to text them back. After all, if or when they got to the hospital they’d realise that their friend hadn’t been the one they were texting.
(10:00) So I see that you’re not Scaramouche
(10:00) Sorry about earlier
“No shit” she huffed, picking up her phone and reclining into the sofa.
(10:01) What gives?
(10:02) He text me asking where the hell i was, I said I told him and he called me a liar
(10:02) You know, You’re terrible at listening to people
(10:02) You don’t know that
(10:02) Your refusal to believe I wasn’t “Scaramouche” says otherwise
(10:03) Touché
(10:03) He pretends not to know who I am all the time so you can’t really blame me
(10:03) I was gonna ask. if he’s your friend why isn’t he saved in your contacts?
(10:04) I only have his number because our boss gave it to me
(10:04) Makes sense.
(10:10) So why are you texting me if you know that i’m not him?
(10:10) I’m bored and tbh none of my other friends respond to me
(10:12) Archons.
(10:12) And I thought I was lonely.
(10:13) Well, you know what they say
(10:13) one lonely person plus another lonely person makes a pair of friends
(10:14) No one says that
(10:14) so we’re friends now?
(10:16 No
(10:16) best friends?
(10:16) NO
Wednesday
(08:30) I still haven’t been discharged from the hospital :/
(08:40) What are you in for?
(08:42) A broken arm and a minor stab wound
(08:42) That’ll teach you to not ask girls if they’re on their period
(08:45) I know, trust me
(08:45) I have a sister
(08:45) It just, you know, it just slipped
(08:46) I’m surprised tbh
(08:46) why?
(08:46) You give off needy, only child vibes
(08:47) Thats a new insult
(08:47) There’s six of us, it’s not a quiet household by any means
(09:01) How the fuck?
(09:01) I don’t know how you want me to answer that
(09:02) Busy parents?
(09:02) Gross
(09:03) You asked
(09:03) Yea well I take it back
(09:03) You can’t
(09:03) Just did
Thursday
(12:00) I’m free
(12:02) are we ever truly free?
(120:2) alright calm down Nietzsche
(12:03) Did you get a cast for ur arm?
(12:05) Yea, my little sister Tonia drew rainbows and unicorns all over it and i’ve never felt manlier
(12:06) pics or it didn’t happen
Unknown number sent (1) images
(12:06) Cute
(12:06) who drew the pile of shit?
(12:06) Scaramouche
(12:07) You know , I have a feeling that he dosent like you
(12:13) really?
(12:13) really.
(12:15) I think he’d cry if I died tho
(12:15) I would cry if you died, it’s not hard to have empathy
(12:16) You would?
(12:17) Don’t make it weird
Friday
(03:00) I think a ghost just made me a bowl of cereal
(03:10) why the FUCK are you texting at 3am?
(03:12) I don’t actually know what to do
(03:12) robbers are easy to deal with, you just grab their arm and twist it like a wet towel
(03:13) But ghosts? My knife goes through them and plans A, B and C go out the window
(03:14) You should not be twisting an arm “like a wet towel”
(03:14) More importantly, if the ghost was there to harm you it would’ve killed you already
(03:15) What if it’s a power move that I don’t know about.. what if
(03:15) What if it’s a test?
(03:16) I have two words of advice
(03:16) yea?
(03:17) Your problem.
(03:17) you know what
(03:17) You’re actually really mean, Scaramouche level mean
(03:20) I don’t even know who that is
(03:21) Thats the point
(03:30) I think the ghost made a second bowl of cereal, i’m really spooked now
(03:32) Let me ask you an honest quest
(03:33) what will it take for you to shut the fuck up?
(03:33) call me?
(03:40) On one condition . I’ll call you but you’re not allowed to bother me for the rest of the weekend and if you do I’ll block you
(03:41) We have a deal
(03:41) give me ten minutes, ok?
Unknown number is calling . . .
His oc workers sucked.
Not that this was a huge revelation to him, he’d been in their company since he was eighteen and Scaramouche broke his noise on his first day in the office.
They weren’t bad people, per say, but they were troubled and the communication in his department was abysmal. Two months working on this one project in Mondstadt and they might as well have been working seperate tasks, Signora didn’t want to share her findings because she “didn’t want to share the glory” and Scaramouche didn’t share his findings because … he was Scaramouche, if you found his name in the dictionary the definition would be “King of Assholes”
So Ajax worked for three people . He could argue that he wasn’t tired but he moved like a deadman, the sleep deprivation was getting to him to the point where he couldn’t remember half the things he had done which resulted in “the cereal incident”
On that note.
“The cereal tastes good” he murmered, scanning his email for any meetings, notices or subscriptions from his favourite fight-club news feed.
This techniques new, he thinks, settling the cereal onto his lap and clicking onto the article.
Then the phone rang and Ajax had, what he called, one quarter of a heart attack. The cereal went all over his lap and he tried to catch the milk, to no avail, with a string of Snezhnayan curses
“Hello?”
“You took way more than ten minutes, I didn’t think you were calling anymore” he snapped, settling the phone on his shoulder as he scrubbed the milk from his carpet.
“I took exactly ten minutes!”
The stranger wasn’t visible, but something about the outrage in her voice suggested she wsd pouting on the other side of the phone. “I had a timer”
Oh they were definately bullied in school, he thought with amusement, checking his phone to see that they had in fact called at the ten minute mark.
“My bad. I’ll show you my ghost cereal as compensation”
“It’s not ghost cereal”
“You haven’t even seen it”
Exactly two years ago, Signora had told him he would never work in the intelligence department and he couldn’t understand why. Now he knew. He turned on the camera and instead of seeing the cereal, Lumine saw a man with freckles, eye bags and one messy mob of ginger hair. He saw his own reflection in the screen and his eyes widened, his lips took a little longer to part but when they did he was back at it with the foreign swearing - shaking the camera before throwing the phone across the room with a pair of reddened cheeks.
“You’re an idiot” Lumine wheezes, struggling to get the words out as he moaned in the background.
“My phone dosen’t usually do that.”
Five minutes passed where Childe was the butt of a joke that he, personally, didn’t think was that funny.
“Moving on” he cleared his throat, feeling that his pride had been adequately stepped on. “Why do you sound like that?”
The laughter stopped and Lumine paused, she raised a brow into the darkness. “Like what?”
“Like a, you know, like a girl”
Lumine wasn’t really sure how to answer that one, but after a moment of silence she realised that he thought she was a guy. A prepubescent one at that.
“Right. Because i’m a twelve year old boy” she replies, her voice dripping with sarcasm and a motherly kind of disappointment.
“Oh, that makes sense”
She blinked. Was he kidding? He had to be, right?
“Sorry for calling you so late then, I thought you were my age”
He wasn’t kidding. It was at this moment that Lumine realised she was talking to a moron, a handsome one at that.
“I am ”
“But you just said-“
“- I say a lot of things. One last thing is that I have work tomorrow so i’d prefer if you didn’t until tomorrow”
Work? Huh? But didn’t he just say he was-
The phone ended and Childe was left feeling like he missed something of mild importance.
“What?”