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“I don’t want to do this anymore.” Ainosuke said one night, completely out of the blue as they were lying in bed together.
“What do you mean?” Tadashi asked, cautious and working hard on disguising the nervousness in his voice.
“This. You having to get dressed and run off into the night after we have sex. Live in hiding. I don’t want that.”
“I can stay a bit longer.” Tadashi said to appease his lover. He knew he would regret it in the morning, as waking up at the crack of dawn was becoming more and more taxing the older he got, but he would bear with sleeplessness in order to keep Ainosuke happy.
“That’s not what I mean.” Ainosuke said.
“Right.” Tadashi knew that, but thought it was safer to play things cool and try to steer the young politician away from what he knew was building up inside him.
“I want to make this public.”
Ainosuke’s announcement was enough to make colour drain from Tadashi’s face, looking over at his life-long companion and trying to figure out whether that was a joke, a whim that would be gone by morning light or if he was going to have to seriously explain why that was a terrible idea.
“I’m serious, Tadashi. We aren’t getting any younger. I don’t want to be middle-aged and sneaking around like a teenager in my own house.”
“We’re not middle-aged yet.”
“You’ll be thirty-seven this year. Pushing forty.”
Tadashi felt his soul leave his body at those words. Of course he knew how old he was, but having it laid out in front of him just like that made the words feel heavy. Where had half his life gone already?
“Don’t you want more than what we have, Tadashi?” Ainosuke pushed, bringing him back from the small crisis he had sparked in him and pushing him into a bigger one.
“We can’t. Think of your career, there’s never been anyone openly like that in the history of politics in Okinawa. You could lose your job, Ai. And your aunties won’t stand for any of it.” he pointed out, as it was clear why it was an overall bad idea to even think about making what they had public.
“The world is changing, though. Don’t you want to get married, have kids…?” Ainosuke asked, making Tadashi flustered.
He had never thought about that as a possibility (because it wasn't, gay marriage was still not recognised and neither was same-sex adoption) so having Ainosuke bring it up just like that was enough to throw him off.
“You know that’s not legal.”
“Well, wouldn't it be great if someone in the National Diet cared enough to make it an issue to be raised.”
Turning their particular situation into a political play made sense, after all, the whole LGBT rights thing was a hot topic amongst the youth, so Tadashi thought that perhaps it was a smart move to try and appeal to that demographic. And yet, he was sure it would make him lose supporters from the older side of the spectrum, which made it a risky play as there were far more older people than youths involved in politics.
“You will lose some support if you do that.” Tadashi said after a moment, looking at Ainosuke as he let out a theatrical sigh and slumped back in bed. “And there’s no guarantee you can push enough to change national views. The mainland won’t care too much about what you try and push here.”
“It’s not about voters. It’s about wanting to be with you.” Ainosuke was almost pouting when he said that, looking at Tadashi with his best take at puppy-dog eyes and letting out a long sigh. “We’ve waited long enough. Things won’t change unless we make them change.”
Tadashi wanted to argue and tell him that he couldn’t let Ainosuke risk his career simply because he wanted to be with him or was trying to do some sort of grand gesture for the two of them, but he had never been any good at saying no to him.
“What about your aunties?” Tadashi asked after a moment of silence.
“Fuck them.”
“Ainosuke!” he gasped.
“No, I’m serious. I am not marrying a random lady to please them. I’m thirty-fucking-three years old, I cannot let them continue to control my life.”
Tadashi fell quiet, looking at his life-long companion and trying to figure out what he was thinking. He knew that Ainosuke had long resented the way that his family had been meddling with his life since the very beginning, but he never thought he would someday just grow tired of it and decide to break free in such a problematic way.
“They won’t like it, Ai.”
“Well, I don’t like them either, so we’re even.”
“Don’t be childish.” Tadashi warned, causing Ainosuke to sigh.
“It sounds like you don’t want this. If you don’t want this, just say it, Tadashi.” Ainosuke accused.
In all honesty, Tadashi wasn’t sure of whether he wanted that sort of thing. He was perfectly fine with what they had and was content with whatever small moments he could steal around his beloved master; he had never expected to have as much as he had already, so longing for anything more would be downright greedy in his eyes. What they had wasn’t perfect, but it was enough for him.
“What do you think will happen if we make it public?” Tadashi asked after a long pause, thinking that it was best to manage his master’s expectations before they rushed into uncharted waters.
“I don’t know. But I want to see what will happen. I want you to come with me to business dinners as my partner, not just wait in the car. I want to come to bed with you, have breakfast together in the dining room, and all that without having to sneak around like teenagers. I want to be able to hold your hand if I want to. And you want that too, I know you do.” Ainosuke explained, causing a blush to creep all over Tadashi’s face.
“What about our jobs?”
“I don’t think I’d lose my job. There are a few gay politicians around. I won’t be the first one in Japan.”
That was true and Tadashi couldn’t argue against it, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t uneasy at the thought of having Ainosuke do it: just because there hadn’t been any massive public backlash before it didn’t mean it wouldn’t happen at all, and neither did it mean that they wouldn’t lose certain supporters and endorsements.
“What about my job?” Tadashi asked after a moment. Sure, it wasn’t like Ainosuke was going to fire him for coming out, but it was undeniable that him being his secretary and his partner would not be a good look publicly and could become a conflict of interests in the eyes of many.
“I don’t think we’d have to change it. You are still the best man for the job and have trained for it for almost two decades. Sleeping together doesn’t change that.”
Ainosuke seemed to have the right answers for everything that evening, but it didn’t mean that Tadashi's anxiety wasn’t spiking up. Tadashi was aware that he had always been a nervous person and had let that particular character trait take the better of him more than once through his life, so perhaps it was time to be a little braver and work towards the one thing he really wanted.
“How would we do it?” he eventually asked after yet another long moment of silence.
“I think it would be easiest for me to announce it in whatever interview is convenient. They always find a way to ask about me taking a wife or finding a lucky lady. This time I will just say that I’ve already got a lucky man.” Ainosuke simply said, smirking wide as he was well aware that his words would fluster Tadashi.
He wasn’t wrong: Ainosuke had become a coveted bachelor the second he hit his mid twenties, and had since had young women from all over the country trying to catch his eye. Once he started inching towards his mid-thirties with no marriage in sight, though, the media started to push and prod at the question, with everyone wanting to be the first one to break the news about Okinawa’s most eligible bachelor getting snagged out of the dating pool.
He couldn’t help but be certain that the news would make quite a splash.
Even if Tadashi was not a hundred percent convinced about the idea of making their private life incredibly public all of a sudden, he knew that it was going to be for the best in the long run. Ainosuke was right in that nothing would change for them unless they braved the unknown and pushed forward, so Tadashi was going to do his best to force himself to push past it and believe his crazy boyfriend’s words that somehow things would be okay in the end.
Ainosuke was very efficient in doing exactly what he said he was going to do: as soon as the opportunity presented itself, he went on and told the whole world about their relationship. He was surprisingly demure in the way he approached his big reveal, simply letting the shocked TV host know that he did have a partner but that they were by no means a suitable lucky lady. He explained that they had been together for a few years already but had only just decided to make their relationship public and would be grateful if they were afforded enough privacy to explore public life on their own terms.
Regardless of how flamboyant and uncontrollable Ainosuke could be in private or in anything ‘S’ related, he was a gifted public speaker and knew exactly the right thing to say: he sold it as the sweet tale their love really was - they had grown up together and into each other, and had continued to experience life by each other’s side as they waddled through the complicated waters of adulthood. It wasn’t love at first sight and had taken a while for them to understand that the undeniable bond between them was pulling them towards one another, but they had found each other along the years.
Tadashi had never been in the public eye at all before this, having spent most of his life as the invisible help behind the man in the limelight and never for a moment thinking he would be the one standing there. And now his email was flooded with interview requests and his phone would not stop ringing.
He thought in made sense in a way: the world was dying to know what kind of marvellous mythical man had been gorgeous and alluring enough to turn one of the most eligible bachelors gay. And Tadashi wasn’t sure the world would like his bland self to be the answer to that question.
The idea of making a public appearance with his lover was daunting to him, as he was very aware that he wasn’t much to look at and it wasn’t like he made up for it with heaps of personality either. It made him nervous to think what the world would say about him (and more importantly, about Ainosuke) when it became apparent that this mythical lover of his was nothing more than a plain and boring secretary.
Even if he had his doubts, Tadashi knew that their coming out as a couple was in part because Ainosuke wanted to be seen in public with him, so he let himself be roped in by everything his boyfriend suggested for them.
He knew Ainosuke was restraining himself and being very mindful of what he asked of him; he was sure that if things were entirely up to him, he would have them screaming their love for each other from the rooftops and showcasing their relationship as front and center as the media seemed to want them to do. He was doing none of that, though, simply letting Tadashi find his footing where they stood even if that meant watching him stare down his ringing phone until it stopped.
Nothing much had changed in the privacy of the Shindo Estate: they continued to do what they always did, with the added bonus that they now didn’t have to worry about pretending to sleep in separate beds or have separate dinners to try and fool the staff that manned the house.
Tadashi couldn’t help but think that most of the staff had -for many years- had strong suspicions of them being together but never brought it up, which made him wonder what exactly had people seen and what kind of rumours circled the kitchen and servant’s quarters in relation to them. Perhaps it was best to not give that too much of his thought.
He knew that there had been a particularly unsavoury conversation between Ainosuke and his Aunties, but he had not been privy to the details of it and Ai refused to tell him much about it, which meant they had not taken too well to it and had been particularly unkind to him.
Ainosuke did his best to reassure Tadashi that whatever those old hags thought of them was not important: at the end of the day, they were adults with jobs and careers that no longer hinged on them entirely, that they only held as much power as Ainosuke chose to gave them and that right now he was choosing to give them exactly none of it. They could do nothing other than turn their noses up at them and scowl, which was fine by the both of them.
It wasn’t long before the opportunity to do exactly what Ainosuke wanted presented itself in the form of an invitation to one of the many formal dinner parties the young politician was expected to attend.
Ainosuke didn’t pressure him into going, but Tadashi felt that since Ai had already put it all on the line in order to be with him, it was only fair for him to do a bit of an effort as well and do his best at a public appearance with the man he adored.
Up until now Diet Member Shindo had attended every social dinner alone despite being issued a plus one in his invitation just like everyone else. Most politicians took their wives along, some brought girlfriends that may or may not be paid for their presence, but no one had brought along a same-sex partner before. Even if he wasn’t a hundred percent sold on the idea of public appearances just yet, Tadashi confirmed their attendance together and did his best to push it out of his mind until the event rolled in four weeks later.
Eventually, the fateful day came along and there was nothing to do other than put a brave face on and get ready to attend the dreaded dinner party.
In a way, it was nothing new: Tadashi had been helping Ainosuke prepare for those parties ever since he became old enough to attend them, so it wasn’t like he didn’t know what to expect from it even if it was his first time formally attending one.
“It’s going to be just fine, you’ll see.” Ainosuke reassured him as he stood in front of the full-body mirror and adjusted his tie. “Everyone will be far too awkward to make anything weird. And having you there will at least make it a bit more interesting.”
“What do you mean by interesting?” Tadashi asked, cautious as he combed his hair into place. He was dressed in a perfectly tailored suit and looked the best he could manage to, so he was hoping it would be enough for the prying eyes of the outside world.
“You look hot, Tadashi. I wouldn’t mind sitting through councilman Takeda’s dull rants about how Okinawa isn’t what it once was with such eye-candy by my side.” he said with a wink, laughing as he watched how quick to blush Tadashi was upon the little compliment. “I wouldn’t mind tuning out of the conversation to picture how I’m going to take that suit off you as soon as we get home and-”
“Stop.” Tadashi interrupted. The last thing he needed was to be lowkey aroused all through what was meant to be his debut into polite society.
“You’re so easy to rile up.” Ainosuke said, laughing before going back to the finishing touches of his appearance before they could get going.
Tadashi didn’t say anything, letting out a long sigh as he gave himself one last long look in the mirror and proceeded to inform Ainosuke that they would be late if they didn’t hurry.
He drove them to the event, as always, as they had decided that the public acknowledgement of their relationship wasn’t going to interfere in the duties Tadashi had been performing for over a decade for him.
“It’s going to be fine.” Ainosuke reassured him as they got out of the car together, with the young politician confidently grabbing onto his hand and walking along the exquisitely decorated hallways of the estate of the rich and powerful man that was hosting tonight’s event.
Tadashi knew that things would be okay that night: even if everyone hated their guts, the rules of polite society dictated that no one would dare make a scene in the middle of someone’s carefully organised event, so there really wasn’t much that could go wrong other than perhaps a few side glances and a lot of private whispering once the event wrapped up.
He was not wrong.
As soon as they walked in holding each other’s hands, it seemed as though the air had left the room for just one second before everyone melted right back into polite smiles and perfect interactions manicured through years of training in etiquette.
Overall, the night wasn’t that bad: they ate, they drank and made polite smalltalk through the impeccable feast laden with photo-ops designed to show the masses how impressive the people in charge were. And that was it.
He could feel glances being directed their way when everyone thought they weren’t looking, and could see how stiff and unnatural (yet perfectly polite) some of the guests were, clearly unsure of how to conduct themselves around the very first openly gay couple they had ever come across, but that was it. None of what Tadashi feared happened at all.
Tadashi did find himself being relegated to the spouse smalltalk at some point, watching as important politicians drank and joked with each other in an old boy’s club fashion while the wives and girlfriends plus Tadashi ended up sipping coffee after dessert. He decided to not take offense on the fact that he was certainly a lot more suited for talk of politics than of childrearing and luxurious holidays, so he politely sat through coffee without having much to offer to the conversation as he had no babies, rarely ever took a day off and knew nothing about high fashion other than what was needed to keep Ainosuke clothed and his tailor from having a fit.
It wasn’t long before Ainosuke came to find him, resting a hand on his shoulder with a gentle squeeze and getting his attention.
“It’s getting late. Are you okay to head home, love?” Ainosuke said, and Tadashi couldn’t fight the blush that creeped all over his face when he was called something so sweet out of the blue and in front of others. It took him a second to compose himself enough to agree and get up, standing by Ainosuke’s side and holding his hand as they said their goodbyes and got ready to leave.
He let out a long sigh once they were alone together in the privacy of their car, prompting Ainosuke to laugh.
“That bad?” he asked as they drove away.
“No. But it was exhausting.” Tadashi answered. He was happy that this was over and done, longing for a warm cup of tea and bedtime already.
“Yeah. Who’d guess rich people are dull and boring?”
“I already knew that. I’ve known you long enough.” Tadashi said with a small smile.
“Ouch.” Ainosuke said after a dramatic gasp, smiling fondly. “Is that why you are boring too? Training for when you get married into the Shindo fortune?”
Tadashi said nothing, pretending to not be flustered at all and looking as though it was paramount to pay detailed attention to this one stretch of the road.
“Tadashi Shindo. Sounds nice, huh?” Ainosuke pressed, a smile heavy in his voice.
“Haven’t you heard you shouldn’t distract the driver? It will be your fault if we fall off a cliff.”
Tadashi knew there was no cliffs anywhere near the straight stretch of road they were on, and that it was going to take more than a little redirection to distract Ainosuke from what seemed to be his new goal for them as a couple, but he had gone far out of his comfort zone already for one night.
Secretly, though, he couldn’t wait to see where Ainosuke would push them next.