Chapter Text
“It’s...morning?”
“Yeah.”
“We’ve been talking all night?”
“Yeah.”
“I… I liked it. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to just… talk.” Riley looked down at the small leaf in her hand she had been twirling between her fingertips through the night. Despite getting no sleep, Riley couldn’t have felt more awake. She loved the feeling of talking to someone else. Even if that someone was a stranger she had met only that day. While she wasn’t stupid to think Evan himself could be anything more than a friendly person who she spent time talking with, the conversation late into the night gave her a new perspective. There’s a feeling that’s almost indescribable. It’s the feeling when you don’t realize you’re missing out on something until you're brought face to face with it and then, you never want to go back. Like the first generation to experience the exponential increase in cell phones. There’s nothing worse than what you can’t have. And what you can’t have is something you didn’t even know you wanted, might less needed.
“What about your friends?” Riley brought her attention back to Evan. She was having trouble processing his question. What about her friends? Well, they weren’t exactly people she could talk to. Not with their friendship tearing apart at the seams. Maya lately has been running off with new, different people. And that’s fine. Except it’s not. And on some level, Riley understands that it’s partly her fault. Maya’s just trying to figure out who she is, just like Riley, just like everyone. And, to Riley’s own surprise, she finds herself blaming Lucas too. Because while Maya is lost, so is Riley. And it took a simple conversation with a stranger to reveal just how much of herself has changed since entering high school, and it has nothing to do with the triangle, no matter how much she’d love to believe it did.
If she had to be completely honest with herself, she wasn’t sure when the change happened, but now, looking at Lucas didn’t cause the same butterflies to erupt in her stomach or the same shyness that used to creep up and show itself in her giggles. No, now when she saw him, she felt something akin to friendship. Something similar to her love for Maya.
Evan cleared his throat, pulling Riley’s thoughts back again. She thought a second more and figured she had nothing to lose. “There’s something happening with all of us. It’s not as easy to talk with them as it used to be.”
“But, why?”
“Because… There's this complication and I know that once everything’s said and done, we can never be who we were. Because I’m afraid that we’ve all changed so much that I don’t even know who I am. Because everything is different now and I’m scared that I don’t fit anymore. Not with anyone.” At this, Evan smiled sympathetically, his eyes traveling over Riley’s shoulder.
“Hey peaches, can I sit.” Evan took this as his cue to leave. He stood up and slightly stretched before heading back to the service desk. Maya sat in his place. It was clear what had happened and Maya was gracious enough not to bring that up. Or possibly she hadn’t noticed because of her pointed focus on Riley’s ramblings. After several beats of silence, Maya jumped right in, responding to her friend’s doubts. “Riley. We will always fit. I know I’ve changed, but so have you.”
“And? We’re not Riley and Maya, thunder and lightning, and all of that. We’re Riley and Maya, two people who don’t know what to do next.”
“But we are. Just because we changed, doesn’t mean we aren’t anything less than what we were. Riley, relationships can change too, sometimes for worse, but ours will always be for better. You know that right? You know I’m always going to be right here.”
“Yeah, Maya. I do.” Riley grabbed Maya’s hand tightly. They weren’t what they had always been, they were somehow stronger. More silence passed between the two girls and Riley began working up the courage to reveal to Maya what she herself only realized moments ago. “You said relationships change?”
“Yeah.” Maya whispered. Riley debated her next words. Why had it been so easy to talk to a stranger and yet now, she couldn’t even verbalize her own feelings.
“I… I think I’m done.” Maya’s face twisted with concern.
“Done with what? With this? With me ?”
“No. With the triangle. With Lucas. I think I’m done.”
“Riley, I don’t understand what you’re getting at.”
“Maya, you’ve changed. I’ve watched you rediscover yourself. You’re still trying to figure out what life has to offer and I think I’m ready to start doing the same.”
“But haven’t you already done that? Riley, you don’t need to change.”
“I already have.” Riley shrugged and squeezed Maya’s hand, hoping to convey the wave of peace that washed over herself when she had discovered the next steps. “Maya. I know I said I don’t want to change, but the truth is I already have and I think I have to keep going. And you said that doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing right? That you’ll always be with me?
“Right.” Maya smiled softly, realizing her friend was in fact right. As much as she loved Riley before all the mess, they had to continue growing, even if it meant finding more about each other and more of themselves. Even if it meant what they were feeling was going to keep changing and evolving. Riley looked out the window at the leaves, all different colors, waiting to fall. Waiting to let life blow them around, away from everything familiar and realizing maybe that’s okay.
“So, the triangle?”
“I love Lucas. I think I always will. But not as a brother. And not as someone I want to spend my life with. I love him like I love you, Maya.” Maya searched Riley, looking for signs this might be Riley’s attempt to convince herself she’s fine when she’s not, but all Maya saw was resolve and a new spark of hope. Riley wasn’t sad or upset, she was content. She had accepted her new path and realized after trying far too long to force herself down one road, was ready to make her own way down another. Maya’s own mind was in turmoil. After fearing the outcome for so long, she couldn’t believe it had all accumulated to this. Riley was becoming Riley. She was becoming who she would be and Maya was happy to see her smile again. A genuine smile of freedom from the box she had been forcing herself to fit into.
“So, you’re okay then?”
“I’m more than okay.” Maya threw her arms around Riley in response, pulling her into the first hug in what felt like forever. One where they were both who they wanted to be. One where there weren’t any secrets, or hidden feelings, or fears of what’s to come. One where they were finally able to exist as Riley and Maya.