Chapter Text
Mina was shivering not even a minute after she left the mansion, her teeth chattering made for an annoying noise to listen to as she walked to Mapo bridge. She’d walked there so many times that she didn’t need a voice on her phone telling her where to turn next.
The only difference between now and then is that she was actually going to go through with it this time and not just pathetically stare down at the water as concerned onlookers burned holes in the back of her head. No, she was going to do it, she was going to put an end to it.
A warm comfort spread through her thinking about it, along with a touch of dread but she’d cross that bridge when she came to it. She’d decided on the method ages ago, figuring that taking a nose dive 60 feet into water would be the best option.
If she chose to slit her wrists then there would be the problem of her maid or her parents finding her too soon. And if it did actually work then whoever did find her would probably be severely traumatized for the rest of their lives. She hated her parents, she could deal with them living with trauma, but their maid? No, she was too sweet for that.
Then there was the problem of clean up, which she shouldn’t care about since she’d be dead but she’d seen crime scene cleaning videos on tiktok, nasty.
If she chose to overdose it would pose a lot of the same problems as the former, minus the clean up. Over the counter drugs had too much of a risk factor of not working, then if she did survive she’d have to withstand her parents scrutiny for the rest of her life. She also figured that she’d never be able to get relief from Advil or any other pain relief medication without asking first which is admittedly humiliating for a 19 year old.
Most other methods posed the same issues, the ones of being found too early, clean up, and accidentally traumatizing someone. This seemed easiest for her, just tipping over the ledge and then the feeling of nothing. She’d much prefer the feeling of nothing over the constant stress and anxiety she dealt with in her daily life. The stress and anxiety caused by being the perfect daughter to Mr. and Mrs. Myoui.
She could see that she was getting closer to her end with every step, the cold was beginning to not bother her as much as it did when she left the mansion, however she still regretted not bringing a jacket.
It wasn’t going to matter soon anyways, she was going to be submerged in much colder water in no time. What difference would a jacket make?
She could see the anti-suicide sentences on the railing, she was now close enough to where she could read them clearly.
‘Have you eaten today?’
No.
‘A difficult moment will soon flow like the river below.’
My entire life has been a difficult moment since I convinced my parents to let me dance.
Mina thought maybe that she’d be feeling more as she walked towards the railing, maybe that she’d think back on all her best moments in life or think about if she really wanted to do this or not.
She really had nothing stopping her.
She had no friends, she didn’t have the time for friends. Her parents treated her as a tool to be used and exploited for recognition and money, their biggest loss would be in their bank account. Her brother was off in the U.S, they barely interacted anyways, He could get over it.
No one cares.
The phrase had begun to comfort Mina in a weird way, because she knew she wouldn’t be passing the pain onto anyone else once she left. That’s what everyone always said. “Suicide isn’t ending the pain it’s passing it onto someone else.” What happens when you don’t have anyone to pass it onto? Would you be forgotten? She doubted that she’d be forgotten, she’d made quite a name for herself as a ballerina to her dismay.
She could feel onlookers staring at her as she climbed over the railing, this type of stare felt much different than the ones she received when she was simply pondering. The ones she received then were more of them being a little bit concerned, but not entirely certain as she could have just been admiring the scenery.
But now? They knew exactly what she was going to do. And none of them felt the need to stop her.
She didn’t know why, she really didn’t since this was supposed to be such a relief but she started to feel white hot tears streaming down her face.
She wasn’t supposed to be crying, she wasn’t supposed to be crying this isn’t what she planned. She was supposed to climb over the edge and jump; it was supposed to be easy.
She felt the stares of everybody on her, she could feel their words jabbing into her. Words she couldn’t hear but could imagine being said.
Suddenly, the cold came back full force and the sounds became louder. The cars, chit chat of citizens who didn’t seem to notice her.
She noticed her chest was beginning to rise and fall faster, her grip on the railing became slick, even though it wasn’t raining.
Oh no.
She felt like she was going to fall at any moment, except now it wasn’t as appealing, her stomach began to hurt and god where is a weighted blanket when you need one.
Whimpers began to escape her mouth before she could clench her lips shut but it didn’t seem like she could control that right now. She felt like she was steps away from actually sobbing as if she wasn’t making enough of a scene already. She wanted to let go but no matter how hard she tried to force herself to let go of the railing and let gravity do its job, she couldn’t. She felt stuck.
And that was the worst feeling to her, she’d spent her entire life being stuck, stuck in a profession she didn’t want to be in. Stuck trying to live up to her parents expectations.
She didn’t want to feel stuck when she was trying to end it. What happened to all the confidence? Not even 10 minutes ago she was determined, now, the dancer was reduced to a whimpering, hyperventilating mess gripping onto a guard rail for dear life. A dear life she wasn’t even sure she wanted.
The smell of fried food assaulted her nose, somehow that made it worse. She closed her eyes and tried to ignore it, said action sent more unshed tears falling down her hollowed cheeks.
“Ya!” A feminine voice yelled behind her, the smell was becoming more intense and so was the nausea.
Her grip tightened despite her wanting to do the exact opposite.
The voice rang louder this time. “What do you think you're doing?!”
Mina craned her neck to look back, the person was holding two bags full of what smelled to be heavily fried food, she had short blonde hair and was dressed appropriately to the weather unlike a certain someone.
She couldn’t muster up enough energy to actually say anything, it seemed that the woman's eyes continued to fill with worry the more she looked at her.
Mina couldn’t blame her, she looked like a mess. Her chest continued to rise and fall in quick repetition, the white breath coming out of her breath was nearly like a single stream at this point. She wouldn’t doubt that her eyes were shiny and red with tears, the only warm part of her body seemed to be her face.
The feeling of impending doom was starting to go down, though still present enough for her to be shaking. She hadn’t gone into full panic attack mode yet, thank god.
“Aren’t you cold?” She continued to pace toward her. “You’re shaking. Do you want my Jacket? I have a long sleeve on under this, I can do without it.” Her voice was softer than before, adjusting it after seeing the state of the ballerina’s face. It was soft but not quiet enough for her to not hear it over the noise of, well, everything.
Mina shook her head, she repositioned her hands on the cold railing, however this time it was incredibly intentional.
The woman was looking at her with more care than anyone in her life ever had and they didn’t even know each other
The woman set the take out bags down next to her and placed her hands on the guard rails next to Mina’s.
She noticed her heart wasn’t beating quite as fast as it was previously.
“Pretty, isn’t it?” The blonde continued. “What’s your name?” She asked. She was looking at Mina with an expression Mina couldn’t quite place. Mina was never very good with expressions.
She swallowed. Though the panic was receding she still found it hard to get any words out. It was always like that, though this woman wasn’t having the same reaction to Mina’s speechlessness as her father does.
“Mina.” Her voice wavered, she nearly cringed listening to it come out of her mouth.
The woman smiled at her, unlike the other smiles she’d received and put on in her life, this one reached her eyes. “I’m Jeongyeon, are you hungry?”
“You sure do ask a lot of questions.” Mina replied.
She noticed that the guard rails were dry again. She looked down at the bags then back up at Jeongyeon. “I don’t like fried food, it makes my stomach upset.”
“Well luckily for you I ordered baked potato wedges and ketchup along with the chicken, you can say I plan in advance.”
A smile crept it’s way onto Mina’s lips, “You were planning to convince someone to live with potato wedges and ketchup?”
Jeongyeon shrugged. “Is it working?”
She felt lighter talking to Jeongyeon even though it’d only been a few minutes, Mina felt weird thinking that. She was used to having the weight of the world on her shoulders since the ripe old age of six, only having it taken off at certain moments.
It felt… weird.
“Maybe.”
The absurdity began to set in, her face contorted into a goofy smile as she stared back down into the water. She could feel Jeongyeon’s gaze setting into the side of her head.
God, am I really considering living for take out?
“What-What’s your favorite show?” Jeongyeon blurted out, the question was fast, Mina almost didn’t pick it up. Her eyes darted back to Jeongyeon, she was looking at her with knitted eyebrows and her chest was now rapidly rising and falling. Mina noticed her hand was outstretched-
“Oh- Oh I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to make you think-” her tongue tripped over the words as she tried to find the right ones, “I wasn’t going to jump just then, it’s just the absurdity of living for take out.” Silence wrapped around them. “I don’t have the time for shows, to answer your question.”
The heavy feeling found it’s way back into her chest, the reminder of why she was here in the first place.
The blonde let out what looked to be a sigh of relief, “Me and my roommates were planning on having a movie night tonight, can you escape your schedule for a bit and join us?” Jeongyeon sounded sincere, like she actually wanted Mina to come and wasn’t pitying her.
She decided that if it wasn’t for her she’d come back, it was worth a try. Her parents couldn’t reach her here, for all they know she’s still asleep in bed, waiting for her next competition.
She didn’t even leave a note.
And truth be told, Mina didn’t want to be here anymore. The cold was harsh and biting at her skin, she wanted so desperately to take up the jacket offer.
“How far do you live from here?”
“Around 5 minutes.” Jeongyeon answered, a wide smile found its way back on her face and Mina soon sported a similar, but smaller one on her own.
Mina pushed her body up with her arms, Jeongyeon quickly hurried behind her to catch her if anything went wrong. She spun her body around and dropped to the pavement.
That didn’t go nearly as planned.
Jeongyeon quickly took off her hoodie and gave it to Mina, “Here, you’re gonna catch a cold.”
Mina could feel the residual heat from Jeongyeon’s body radiating off the hoodie and she instinctively brought it closer to herself before fitting it over her head. It was a few sizes too big for her, but worn and comfortable.
Normally, Mina would be caught dead before she would be caught walking home with a stranger in the dead of night, but she felt like she could trust the blonde even with the little interaction that they had. Something she’d never felt before had bloomed in her chest and circulated throughout her entire body, making her feel warm and light.
Some of the weight she carried for her entire life had finally come off her shoulders, though not all of it, it was enough to make a noticeable difference.
Jeongyeon lived in a nice neighborhood, one of those neighborhoods where all the houses looked the same and the only things differentiating them were the decorations in front of them and the cars. They stopped in front of what Mina assumed was Jeongyeons house, 2129 nailed next to the door. Mina figured it was the address number.
Jeongyeon tapped her arm once she noticed the ballerina was staring. “Are you ready to go in?” She motioned to the door.
Mina tightened her lips in a straight line, she’d never had friends before, she didn’t know what to expect. Jeongyeon was texting someone a couple of times when they were walking though Mina didn’t pay much mind to it at the time.
Did they know she just tried to end her own life? How much did Jeongyeon tell them?
She started to feel a hand rubbing her back, Jeongyeon must’ve noticed something in her.
It was… strangely comforting.
Mina let go of a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “Yeah.” She answered, “Let’s go.”
They made their way towards the door, Mina couldn’t hear anything from inside but the lights were on. Jeongyeon punched a code into the keypad, it dinged and she opened the door.
The first thing Mina noticed was how many there were. She took a second to count.
Seven.
And all seven pairs of eyes were on here and a seed of regret started to grow inside of her.
They were packed into what looked to be the kitchen area, some sitting and some standing. One in particular was giving her a different look than the others, some kind of wide eyed, amazed stare.
The staring woman’s voice rang through the room. “You didn’t tell us you were bringing the Myoui Mina?!”
Jeongyeon looked down at her in confusion, then back up at the woman.
And that’s all it took for her heart rate to pick back up, because that was always the first to come.