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The earliest memory Teucer had was from when he was about a year and half old. His family had taken him ice fishing for the first time. His parents didn’t let him do any actual fishing but they let him watch his older siblings. Teucer had watched in amazement as his siblings caught fish after fish.
His oldest siblings went to go fish farther away with his father while his mother stayed with him and his other siblings. Teucer sat on his mother’s lap as he watched his three older siblings fish. They were loud and challenged each other to see who could catch the biggest and the most fish.
Teucer, still learning to speak, could only let out a few basic words. He remembered pressing himself against his mother’s warm chest and pointing at the buckets of fish.
“When you get older, you can fish too,” his mother had told him. “Then you can compete with them.”
“Fish!” Teucer giggled.
He had watched as his brother Anthon pushed his sister Tonia in a desperate attempt to scare her fish away. They bickered loudly, not realizing that they were probably scaring any fish in the area away. His older brother Ajax laughed at them, pulling fish after fish from the ice and tossing them into the bucket next to him.
“I win!” Ajax proudly announced once his bucket was full. Anthon and Tonia quickly stopped arguing and looked at their older brother in disbelief. Teucer saw their half empty buckets and broke into a fit of giggles. He could feel his mother’s laughs against his body.
“No fair!” Tonia yelled.
“Yeah, you cheated!” Anthon looked towards their mother.
“Settle down, children,” their mother said, amusement lining her voice. “Ajax won fairly because he was focused.”
Ajax stuck his tongue out at Anthon and Tonia, who were fuming. “See? She said I won.”
Teucer wanted to be just like his big brother one day. He wanted to be so good at ice fishing that even Ajax couldn’t keep up.
At least, that’s what he thought when he looked back at the memory. He wasn’t exactly sure what he was thinking at the time. He didn’t remember what he thought as a baby.
He didn’t want things to end like this. He wanted his brother back. Please, Ajax, let’s go ice fishing together. Answer me, brother.
~~~~~
When Teucer was two years old, Ajax had gone missing for three days. The entire family was worried sick. Apparently Ajax had left home with a bag of bread and a shortsword. He hardly understood what was going on, but he cried almost the entire time his big brother was missing.
He had never gone a day without seeing Ajax, let alone three. Teucer was somewhat used to not seeing his oldest siblings since they had moved out of the house, but he had always seen Ajax around every day. Where was his big brother? Was he okay?
Three agonizingly long days later, Ajax showed up on their doorstep. Teucer had enveloped him in a bone crushing hug, tears freely flowing from his eyes. The rest of his family had welcomed Ajax back with open arms. His mother had demanded to know where he had been but Ajax shrugged and simply said “adventuring.”
That’s when Teucer noticed his brother’s eyes. They were dull, like the light behind them had been sucked out. When Ajax was sat down at the dining table and given a meal, he ate silently. Teucer sat in the seat next to him, holding onto his brother’s shirt. Ajax looked at him with his dead eyes, and Teucer froze. What happened to his big brother? Why was he different? Did no one else even notice?
“Big brother…” Teucer whispered. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too, Teucer.” Ajax put his hand over Teucer’s smaller one. Had he been older and more observant, he would have seen the unshed tears behind Ajax’s eyes or the quiet tremble in his voice. But he was only two years old and his mind could only think about how his big brother was finally back.
Maybe if he had paid more attention that night, he would have heard Ajax’s muffled sobs. If only he had done more, maybe Ajax wouldn’t have run away in the first place. If only he was older. Then maybe Ajax would have confided in him and told him why he was missing for three days. Ajax please, I miss you.
~~~~~
A few days after Ajax had finally returned from his mysterious disappearance, Teucer had heard his parents fighting. His father was yelling something at his mother and he heard Ajax’s name. Was Ajax in trouble? He saw Tonia and Anthon listening to the argument as well. Maybe they would better understand what was going on.
He heard the name “Fatui” come up a few times. What was that? From the way Tonia slapped her hand over her mouth, it couldn’t mean anything good. Teucer tugged on Anthon’s shirt, silently asking for an explanation.
“Is Ajax… okay?” Teucer asked, fumbling with his words a little.
“He’ll be fine. He has to be.” Anthon’s cheeks were wet. Tonia wiped his face.
“Why are you crying?” Had Teucer known any better, he would have noticed Tonia holding back her own tears. “Ajax is great and he’s here with us.”
Teucer left his siblings, going over to Ajax’s room. He went inside to see the room packed up and nearly empty. Ajax was sitting on the bed with his face in his hands. His shoulders were shaking. Teucer went up to Ajax and sat next to him.
Ajax gasped and wiped his face before looking at him. “Hey, Teucer. What are you doing here?”
“You’re sad,” Teucer didn’t understand. Why was his big brother sad?
“No, I’m great.” Ajax gave him a watery, feeble smile. If Teucer was Anthon or even Tonia’s age, he would have seen right through the lie. But a two year old didn’t have that kind of intelligence.
Then he heard a knock at the front door. Ajax tensed next to him, breaths quickening. Teucer heard the door open and his father greeted whoever was there.
The door to Ajax’s room opened and Teucer saw two strange uniformed people. They were wearing some kind of mask. He didn’t like them; they scared him. Teucer hung onto Ajax.
“You’re Ajax, aren’t you?” One of the strangers asked his brother.
“I am,” Ajax answered.
“You’ll be coming with us. Your dad told us some very interesting information,” the other stranger said. Teucer only understood a few bits and pieces. Did their father bring these people here? But why? Ajax didn’t do anything wrong.
Ajax tried to get up, but Teucer wrapped his arms around his brother’s waist. Something told him that he needed to hold onto his brother.
“Teucer, let go,” Ajax said gently. Teucer shook his head frantically against his brother’s side. He had just gotten his brother back. He didn’t want to let go!
“Teucer.” His father’s voice was stony and cold. “Let go of him.”
Teucer burst into tears. He didn’t want to let go of his brother. He wanted Ajax to stay here.
“It’s okay, Teucer.” Ajax softly pried Teucer’s arms off of him.
Ajax wiped Teucer’s cheeks, making him cry harder. He felt his brother brush his hair aside and press a soft kiss to his forehead.
“Don’t cry. Take care of everyone for me, okay? You’re getting big now.” Ajax ruffled his hair.
Before Teucer could react, Ajax got up from the bed and stood before the strangers. “I’m ready.”
“Bring your things,” one of the strangers said rigidly. The other stranger elbowed the first.
“How old are you, Ajax?” The second stranger asked in a softer tone.
“I’m fourteen.” Ajax’s tone was steely and impassive.
“You’re very young. That must mean you have a lot of potential,” the stranger said.
“I have more than just potential. I have skill with the blade and battle experience. I won’t disappoint,” Ajax swore.
“Just take him away.” His father sighed.
Teucer could only watch as the packed boxes were taken out of Ajax’s room. Where was Ajax going? He just came home! And why was their father letting the strangers take him?
When Ajax was being taken out of their home, the only thing that stopped him from running after them was Tonia’s arms around him.
“When will Ajax come home?” Teucer asked his mother.
“I don’t know, honey. I don’t know.”
If he was older, he might have noticed how the strong scent of iron clung to Ajax and how the red stains on his clothes seemed to appear out of nowhere. Maybe he would have noticed more bruises and scars on Ajax. He wanted Ajax to come home again, but not like this. He wanted his brother back, not this imposter. You’re not my big brother, mister. You’re not him.
~~~~~
Years later, when Teucer was nine years old, his family got frequent letters and presents from Ajax. His favorite toy that his brother got him was Mr. Cyclops. Ajax had become one of Snezhnaya’s greatest toy salesmen since he had left their home. Ajax sent letters to Tonia and she would read them out loud to Anthon and Teucer. Their older siblings didn’t seem to care for Ajax. Most of them had long since moved out as well.
Apparently now Ajax was in Liyue on an important mission. He was really busy with training new employees and making toys. After hearing so many letters about Liyue, Teucer wanted to see his big brother and the scenery that he spoke so fondly of.
Some of his letters talked about how hot Liyue was and how spicy some of the food was. Other letters simply described how Ajax missed them and would come home as soon as he could. But there were some letters that spoke of certain people that Ajax met.
One person was a blond traveler and their pixie friend. Ajax had written about how the traveler was kind and dependable. Teucer wanted to meet the traveler that his brother was friends with. Just another reason to sneak onto a ship to Liyue.
The other person that Ajax wrote about was a man named Zhongli. The way Ajax described him was different from the way he described the traveler. Ajax talked about how Mr. Zhongli’s eyes were golden like cor lapis (Anthon showed him a picture of what cor lapis looked like from a book) and the man was regal. He wore a full suit, even in Liyue’s heat. Apparently Mr. Zhongli also talked a lot and spent lots of mora.
When Tonia had read the parts about Mr. Zhongli out loud, she faked a gag. Teucer had asked her why she was disgusted. Ajax was just talking about his friend, right?
“Ajax loves him,” Tonia said with a laugh. “He’s so in love, it’s disgusting.”
Teucer thought about that for a second. Ajax loved Mr. Zhongli? Like how their parents loved each other? But Ajax didn’t say anything like that. When he asked Tonia how she knew, she simply laughed and said “just a feeling.”
With his mind made up, Teucer prepared to leave for Liyue. He took his pouch of mora, something Ajax had always told him to remember, and a bag of food, water, and clothes.
When the day came, he snuck out of his room and left for the docks. He quickly snuck onto the ship and laid there without anyone noticing him. When the ship set sail, the gentle rocking made Teucer’s eyes flutter shut and he fell asleep.
When he woke up, he was in Liyue. He got off the ship as quietly as he could and looked around. Liyue was so much more bright and warm than Snezhnaya’s cold atmosphere.
Teucer went out to explore the land of Liyue, eventually stumbling upon a big version of Mr. Cyclops. He was then found by the traveler that Childe had written about. After running around for the day and seeing his big brother doing his job, Teucer was tired. He had promised to go back on the next ship to Snezhnaya, but he couldn’t help but feel upset. He had hardly spent any time with his brother. And he hadn’t met the Zhongli Ajax loved yet.
The next ship would be leaving in the morning of the next day, so Teucer figured that he had time to make one last adventure. From Ajax’s letters, Teucer remembered that Mr. Zhongli worked at some kind of parlor. After asking directions from some of the people around, he found himself in front of a funeral parlor.
Teucer was scared to go inside. What if there were ghosts? But he had to go in if he wanted to see Mr. Zhongli. Before he could work up the nerve to open the door, someone had opened it from the inside. A tall man in a brown suit stepped out. Teucer looked up at him, trying to match any characteristics that Ajax had described.
When the man’s eyes fell on him, Teucer was shocked to see golden eyes. Most people in Liyue that he had seen had dark brown or black eyes. This had to be Mr. Zhongli.
“Are you lost? You don’t look like you are from here. Where are your parents?” Mr. Zhongli asked him.
“Um…” Teucer didn’t know what to say. Should he even talk about the letters? What if Ajax wanted to keep them a secret?
Mr. Zhongli knelt down so that they were at eye level. “I apologize if I scared you. This isn’t a place for young children to be. I can assist in finding your parents.”
“No, I’m here by myself.” Teucer said. “I came here all the way from Snezhnaya to see my big brother!”
“Oh, have you now? Without your parents?” Mr. Zhongli looked worried.
“Yeah! I’m a big boy now so I could do it all by myself,” Teucer nodded with pride. “I’m nine whole years old.”
“Where is your brother? Allow me to take you to him,” Mr. Zhongli asked.
“Oh…” Teucer frowned. He didn’t want to bother Ajax. He already left because he was busy. “He’s really busy now.”
“Are you staying with him?”
“No. I’m supposed to be going back to Snezhnaya in the morning. Big brother told me that everyone at home would be worried about me.”
“Why didn’t they come with you?”
“I snuck onto one of the ships without telling them! I missed my big brother and he sends us letters about Liyue a lot so I wanted to come see him and this place.”
“That’s a very dangerous thing to do alone.”
“That’s what my brother said too.” Teucer laughed. “But I wanted to come meet you before I left.”
“Meet me?” Mr. Zhongli echoed.
“My brother writes about you a lot so I wanted to meet you!”
“Who exactly is your brother?”
“He’s the best toy salesman in all of Snezhnaya!” Teucer grinned. Mr. Zhongli still looked confused. Did he get the wrong person?
“I’m afraid I don’t know any Snezhnayan toy sellers,” Mr. Zhongli said.
“Um, are you Mr. John Lee,” Teucer asked, butchering the pronunciation of his name. With only a subtle wince, Mr. Zhongli nodded.
“Yes, I am Zhongli.”
“Mr. Zonglee.” Teucer tried to say his name right. It still didn’t sound the same as how Mr. Zhongli said it.
“Not quite. Zhongli,” Mr. Zhongli corrected him, saying his name slower.
“Mr. Zongli?” Teucer frowned. He could tell that he still wasn’t saying it right.
“Very close. It’s alright. You are from Snezhnaya, so it’s understandable that you struggle to say local Liyue names.” Mr. Zhongli reassured him. “Though I still don’t know who your brother might be.”
“You really don’t know him? But he said lots of stuff about you!” Teucer was adamant. Mr. Zhongli had to know about Ajax.
“Perhaps you could tell me some of the things your brother has told you. That may help me figure out who he is.”
What should he say? A lot of what Ajax had written was about Mr. Zhongli’s personality and looks. He didn’t write much about what they did together. Teucer racked his brain for anything small Ajax had said.
“Oh, I remember!” Teucer exclaimed. “He said that you guys go shopping together a lot and you use his money all the time!”
Mr. Zhongli’s eyes widened. “Ah, so that is your brother. I assume you are Teucer then.”
“Oh wow, did he tell you about me? He’s the bestest big brother in the whole world! And he said that you were really nice and smart and pretty and that your stories were cool!” Oops, Teucer didn’t mean to say all that.
Zhongli’s cheeks turned a faint pink at that. “He told you that?”
“Yeah!” Teucer nodded enthusiastically. He was sure Ajax wouldn’t be too mad about him telling Mr. Zhongli about this.”
“And he said he’s a toy seller?” Mr. Zhongli asked slowly.
“Did he not tell you?” Teucer wondered why Ajax wouldn’t tell Mr. Zhongli. They seemed really close.
Mr. Zhongli was quiet for a moment, then shook his head with a quiet laugh. “It must have slipped my mind. I was very busy working today so I seem to have forgotten.”
“You forgot? Big brother was really serious when he said you forgot stuff a lot!”
Mr. Zhongli rose from his knees and stood to his full height. Teucer had to look up to see his face. “Would you like me to walk you to your brother’s apartment?”
“You know where he lives?” Teucer was about to agree, but stopped himself. Ajax wanted him to go home so his family wouldn’t worry. If he wanted to get home on the earliest ship, he would need to go back to the harbor now. “No, I should go back to the ship.”
“I can walk you there,” Mr. Zhongli offered.
“Okay!” Teucer grabbed Mr. Zhongli’s gloved hand. He felt Mr. Zhongli’s hand tense under his. Was he not supposed to do that? “Oh, should I not do that?”
“No, it’s alright. You just startled me, that’s all.” Mr. Zhongli held his hand as he led Teucer back to the port.
“Hey, Mr. Zongli?” Teucer still pronounced Mr. Zhongli’s name wrong. He was going to get it right eventually!
“Yes, Teucer?” Mr. Zhongli hummed.
“Can you tell my brother to come home soon? Oh, maybe you can come with him!”
“Go with him?”
“Yeah! Tonia and Anthon really want to meet you! They’re gonna be so mad when they find out I met you first.”
“I would like to meet your family very much. I’ll have to speak with your brother about it.”
“You will? Yay!” Teucer stopped in front of his ship. “This one’s mine.”
“Safe travels, Teucer.” Mr. Zhongli let go of his hand. “I will take care of your brother while he is here, so stay home in Snezhnaya. You don’t want to worry your family again.”
“Bye, mister!” Teucer waved goodbye to Mr. Zhongli and he boarded the ship.
He had lots to tell Tonia and Anthon when he got home! Even though he wished that he could have spent more time with Ajax, it was fun spending the day with the traveler and meeting Mr. Zhongli.
Speaking of Mr. Zhongli, he really seemed to care a lot about Ajax. Did that mean Mr. Zhongli liked Ajax? And if Ajax liked him, did that mean they would get married? He couldn’t wait until Ajax got home to Snezhnaya so he could ask more about it.
But this wasn’t how Teucer wanted to see Ajax. This wasn’t his brother. It was someone pretending to be his brother. Where was his real brother? Ajax, where are you?
~~~~~
Many years later, Teucer had gotten older and learned that Ajax was not in fact a toy seller. Instead, he was a Fatui Harbinger. He felt so stupid but he understood why Ajax had hidden the truth from him.
A war had broken out once the Tsaritsa had taken hold of all of the Archons’ Gnoses. It was a fight against the other nations and Celestia itself. Because Ajax was a harbinger, he was part of the front lines. Who was he to pray to if Celestia was their enemy?
So he prayed to the Tsaritsa. Prayed that She would not put Ajax into horrible danger. But he knew that wasn’t enough. If the Tsaritsa was willing to wage war against anyone that opposed Her, She would not hesitate to use Her harbingers.
Teucer prayed to Rex Lapis, Liyue’s former Archon. He knew of Zhongli’s true identity. Ajax had convinced him to come and visit Morepesok. When they had come to visit, Zhongli had told their family the truth. If the Tsaritsa couldn’t save Ajax, he prayed that Zhongli could.
Eventually the war was over. He had no idea who the winner was. Both sides had taken very extreme losses. Honestly, he didn’t even care about who had won. He wanted his brother to come home. He wanted Ajax to come home with his arms wide and say “I’m home.”
So he waited.
Days passed, but there was no sign of Ajax. Teucer told himself that maybe Ajax was busy now that the war was over. He pretended he didn’t notice how the frequent letters stopped coming in the mail.
Ajax was just very busy.
He had to be. There was no other explanation.
Ajax was busy. Ajax was busy. Ajax was busy. Ajax was busy.
Where was Ajax?
More days flew by and Teucer began to worry. What if he wasn’t busy? What then? What if Ajax wasn’t busy at all? What if he wasn’t doing anything? Couldn’t do anything? Wasn’t—
A knock on the door pulled him out of his thoughts. Teucer dragged himself to the door, not wanting to get his hopes up. He had been falsely excited many times before.
When he opened the door, he saw a familiar shade of orange hair. Teucer stared at the person in front of him.
Ajax was home.
“Ajax!” Teucer pulled his brother into a tight hug. Then he turned his head inside the house to call the rest of the family. “Ajax is home!”
Toni and Anthon came running to the door. They gasped when they saw their older brother and hugged him.
“It’s a little chilly out here. Can we do this inside?” Ajax asked with a laugh.
They all pulled Ajax inside to the warmth of the fireplace. They were all crying, elated that their brother was finally home.
“Ma and Pa’ll be so happy to see you!” Tonia shoved her face into Ajax’s arm. “They should be back soon.”
Teucer leaned his head against his brother’s chest, crying into his shirt. Of course Ajax wasn’t dead. He was just busy and didn’t have time to come home or send letters.
“You’re finally home,” Teucer cried.
“I promised you, didn’t I?” Ajax patted Teucer’s head.
“We’ll go make your favorite!” Tonia pulled Anthon to the kitchen, leaving Teucer and Ajax alone.
“I was so worried when you stopped sending letters,” Teucer confessed. “I thought something horrible had happened to you.”
“Of course not! You think anything could hurt me?” Ajax laughed.
“Ajax, what about Zhongli?” Teucer asked, with the perfect pronunciation of Zhongli’s name. Over the years he had finally learned to say it properly. “Where is he?”
Ajax fell silent. Teucer looked up at his brother’s face carefully for the first time and he almost choked.
His eyes were golden, not the blue he was used to seeing.
“You’re…” not Ajax.
“I’m sorry.” Ajax closed his eyes. No, this wasn’t Ajax.
“Zhongli?” He had heard stories that Rex Lapis could take any mortal form. The only link between the forms was the same golden eyes. “Why are you…?”
“Ajax didn’t make it. He was…” Zhongli paused. “He was slain in battle.”
“No…” No, Ajax wasn’t dead. He was okay. He was busy with Fatui work so Zhongli had decided to come here as Ajax until his real brother could come.
“I’m sorry, Teucer.” Zhongli apologized again. “There was nothing I could do.”
“Not even a god that’s been in so many wars could save just one person?” Teucer felt bile rise in his throat. “Why take his form? To spite us? To make us pretend that our brother is fine and healthy and alive? You aren’t him and you never will be!”
“I made him a promise.” Zhongli’s eyes were wet. So even a god could cry. “He made me promise to him that if anything were to happen to him, I would take care of his family.”
“Ajax…” Teucer fell to his knees. His throat burned and he felt tears stream down his face. “He wanted you to do this?”
“It was partially my wish too. He wanted me to care for his family and I wanted his image to live on.”
“You’re not him. You are not my brother.” Teucer couldn’t bring himself to stand up. His legs were weak.
“I know I am not, but I will do everything I can to care for you and your family.”
“Your eyes give you away.” Teucer let out a sob. This wasn’t his brother. He wanted Ajax back. He wanted his real brother.
“I have done everything to change my eyes, but I am cursed to keep them the same for as long as I live. If I could change them, I would in a heartbeat.” Teucer looked up to see tears trailing down Zhongli’s face. “I feel sick when I look at myself. To see my eyes here instead of Ajax’s.”
“What was he to you? Please, I need to know,” Teucer pleaded.
“He was my husband. We planned to have an official wedding here in Snezhnaya before the war started.”
Teucer couldn’t believe his ears. Ajax was married? And he had never even spoken a word about it?
“But he never said anything about that.”
“We decided not to tell you until we came to Snezhnaya together to plan the wedding. We had a small ceremony in Liyue. He wanted to have a large gathering here, so we waited until the time was right. But then the war broke out and we both had our own duties.”
“Will you tell the others?” Teucer asked, heart stuck in his throat.
“I must. It would not be fair to them to deceive them into believing that their son or brother is still alive.” Zhongli wiped his tears away. “I’m sure Ajax would have wanted me to be truthful. I almost lost him because I lied about my identity.”
Teucer took deep breaths and pulled himself off of the floor, standing up. “Will you tell me about him? The parts of him that I never got to see.”
“Of course.”
So when Tonia and Anthon returned with a seafood soup and their parents returned home, Zhongli told them the truth. He told them about how Ajax had died and the promise he made to live for Ajax. They all cried, Teucer not being an exception. Even though he already knew, hearing it again removed any trace of it being an elaborate hoax.
His siblings had gone to their rooms and his parents had left to grieve, leaving Teucer and Zhongli sitting in the living room by the fireplace. Teucer stared at the cackling fire.
“What was Ajax like when you first met him?”
“Ah, that’s a story I will never tire of. He first came to Liyue to steal my Gnosis actually…”
Teucer listened with great intensity, committing every detail to memory. This was a part of Ajax that he was never able to see. He listened as Zhongli described each moment in perfect detail. By the end of Zhongli’s tale, both of them were crying.
We may never have gone ice fishing and I never surpassed you, but you came home. Zhongli coming here in your form was not you. But the stories he told made me feel as though you were sitting right here next to us, relishing in the warmth of the fireplace. I have confidence that Zhongli will take care of us, just like you had wanted him to. I know you are twinkling in the stars, watching us. Someday in the distant future, we will be reunited. Perhaps even your husband will join us in Celestia. I’m sure that he will follow you anywhere, even to the stars.
I miss you, Ajax. You will forever be my big brother.