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Tubbo sighs as he slowly stirs awake, his eyes peeling open to see rays of light peeking through the heavy woolen curtains. The hybrid attempts to rub the sleep out of his left eye, strictly avoiding the right side of his face. His pinky grazes the scarred skin, sending a shiver down his spine. Slowly, he sits up in bed, stretching his arms over his head and opening his eyes to peer at his husband resting next to him. Tubbo smiles softly and lets out a yawn before turning to Ranboo, gently shaking him awake.
"Ranboo," he calls out, his voice still raspy and thick with sleep. The enderman hybrid stirs and groans, hiding his half-and-half face in his large paws. Tubbo smirks and pokes him a bit more, satisfied when the teen finally sits up in bed.
"Tubbo?" Ranboo murmurs quietly, his lidded eyes drifting around the room and never quite landing on the boy in front of him. Tubbo finds his paws and holds them in his own calloused hands.
"Right here, bossman. Can you hear me?" Ranboo nods in affirmation, his eyes drifting closed once again.
This is routine for the pair now. Tubbo usually wakes up at the first light of dawn, getting Ranboo up shortly after to begin their day. They start off with daily grounding exercises for Ranboo while sitting in their large king-sized bed, often with one of them still half-asleep. However, Tubbo can tell today might be harder than others.
Ranboo's memory slowly became more and more fuzzy in recent months, his anxiety worsening alongside it. Tubbo always thought of Ranboo to be anxious and a bit airheaded at times, but his husband's current state is concerning, to say the least. While Tubbo grabs supplies for the day, Ranboo's eyes start to dart around the room, his claws clicking together nervously while his vision wanders. Tubbo oftentimes catches Ranboo murmuring to himself while sauntering around their mansion, his long ears drooping and his lanky body shrinking even further into himself. Tubbo knows when it's especially bad when Ranboo wakes in a panic, unable to take in his surroundings and asking Tubbo where he is or how he got there. The former president's heart clenches whenever he sees his partner in this state, and he'll be damned if he doesn't try everything to help. While gathering supplies or visiting town, Tubbo will grab Ranboo's hand, squeezing it to reassure him that he's there and that he won't leave him. Other times Ranboo needs to be pulled side to be reminded of where he is, who he is with, what he is doing. Tubbo never minds doing any of these things for his friend and partner, but is concerned that it's becoming such a frequent occurrence.
Tubbo is pulled back to the present with a whine from the other hybrid. He squeezes the other's hands tightly, not willing to let go until he knows Ranboo is okay. "Ranboo, try opening your eyes for me, okay?"
Ranboo squeezes his eyelids one last time before nodding slowly and obeying Tubbo. His eyes are glassy and clouded over, seeming as if all life has fled from them. He takes in a sharp breath. "I can't see you," he whispers, voice on the edge of panic. "Oh god, I can't see you, what's going on?" Purple particles begin to drift out of his eyes, and a small noise of distress escapes from the back of his throat.
"Ranboo, focus on my voice, okay? You don't need to panic." Tubbo rubs his thumb over Ranboo's knuckles. "You're in our bedroom. We're in the mansion, it's dawn, and you just woke up." The brief pause lets Ranboo collect his breath again, taking in a gulp of air as if he's being held underwater. "Do you understand?
Ranboo nods, his eyes still dead and unfocused, the particles still forming a thin cloud around his head. "Where's Michael?" His voice is louder now, more insistent.
"He's in his bedroom. We took him on a walk yesterday, we do that to make sure he doesn't get bored in the house." Tubbo pauses again to let Ranboo take in the information. Once he nods, Tubbo continues. "We walked him across the bridge from Snowchester to the Greater SMP, he tripped on the prime path and scraped his knee. You mothered over him all day and he thought you were upset with him." Tubbo smiles fondly at the recent memory. Ranboo only furrows his eyebrows.
"He knows I'm not mad at him though, right?" His eyes drift up and almost meet Tubbo's, but instead land on the wall behind him. "We reassured him that we weren't upset, right?"
"Of course, bossman." Tubbo continues cradling Ranboo's hand-paws in his lap. He presses his thumb against a paw pad gently. "Can you feel your hands?"
Ranboo considers the question briefly before panic sets in again. "No... No, I-I can't feel anything..." He moves his head back and forth, trying to find something he can see or feel or smell. "Tubbo, I can't-"
"Focus on your left hand," Tubbo interrupts and squeezes the same paw pad again, a bit harder than before. "Your white hand," he clarifies. Ranboo's panic visibly settles and the particles begin to dissipate as he feels the slight pressure coming from somewhere on his left side. "Now your right one, the black one." Ranboo sighs, nodding as he exhales.
"I can feel it."
"That's good," Tubbo soothes while smiling, even though he knows Ranboo can't see his expression. "Can you tell me what I look like? Even if you can't see me right now?"
Ranboo's ears perk up slightly as he considers the question. Comfortable silence passes between them before Ranboo starts, "You have a round face, and brown hair. Your hair grew out a lot and it sits in your eyes most of the time. Your eyes... are blue. They're not gray-blue like Tommy's, they're... the color of Snowchester's water." He squirms in place as he racks his brain for more details. "You have two horns. The left one has a chip in it from an accident with Tommy--I think he was swinging around a hoe and hit you with it into a wall? You wear a gold ring on the right one. I have a matching one that I wear on my right horn. And you have scars, a lot of them." Tubbo doesn't even flinch at Ranboo's words. One more point for him, he's been keeping track of how often he's unbothered by the mention of his scars. Ranboo's lips twitch up for a split second. "I like them. I think they look cool. You also usually wear a huge brown parka... but when you sleep you like short t-shirts and pajama pants." Ranboo pauses for longer this time, his eyebrows scrunched together as he attempts to recollect the memory of his husband's appearance.
"What else? What else do you remember seeing?"
Ranboo's body begins to relax. His digits curl around Tubbo's and their hands clasp together, calloused fingers intertwining with squishy paw pads. "I remember... seeing you in the snow. The snowflakes get caught in your hair and make it all wet, and when it dries it gets all frizzy. You hate when I try to fix it," he chuckles. "I have a scar on my right hand from where I tried hot-gluing a bee patch on your parka, you said you wanted one but my hands are too big to sew. You still wear it with the patch." Ranboo's head snaps up suddently, his gaze unfocused above Tubbo's head. Tubbo jumps in surprise. "Oh! You have that necklace I gave to you, the gold one Phil helped me make. It's a simple circle with obsidian embedded into it. I've never seen you take it off."
Tubbo guides one of Ranboo's hands up to the chain resting above his sternum, gently placing the charm in between Ranboo's thumb and forefinger. Ranboo carefully feels the material between the pads, grinning to himself when he realizes what it is. His eyes suddenly focus in on Tubbo's face, making eye contact with him for the first time that morning. Tubbo nearly beams at the gesture. "There you are," he sighs, bringing both of Ranboo's hands back into his lap. "Feel better?"
Ranboo nods, giving a soft "mhm" in affirmation. He doesn't even realize his hands had been shaking until they're sitting still in Tubbo's grip. His bottom lip wobbles slightly and he squeezes Tubbo's hands. "I'm sorry," he breathes out, barely audible. Tubbo sees the way his lip trembles and spots the tears gathering in the corners of Ranboo's eyes. Tubbo quickly untangles their hands and cups Ranboo's face gently, expertly swiping away his tears before they can fall and burn his sensitive skin.
"What are you sorry for? It's alright, man." He keeps his hands cupped on Ranboo's cheeks, preparing to catch any more tears before they fall.
Ranboo chuckles dryly, "It's just... that was so terrifying. I hate when that happens, I hate when you have to deal with it too." He leans into Tubbo's hands and brings up his paws to gently hold the other's wrists. Tubbo makes sure his thumb is dry before he brushes it across Ranboo's cheekbone, making eye contact with him once again. Tubbo is one of the only people Ranboo is ever able to make eye contact with, and the only person where the eye contact calms him instead of firing off alarm bells in his head, activating his fight-or-flight response. Instead, Ranboo feels more grounded than ever. He feels at home. Yet, the seeds of doubt have long since been sown in his mind. "Don't you... don't you ever get... tired of this?" He takes one of his hands and vaguely gestures to himself. "Dealing with... me, I mean. With this." It almost looks like tears are about to sprout in Ranboo's dual colored eyes, but he holds them back.
"Ranboo..." Tubbo comes to the realization sadly. "I'm never tired of you. I'll deal with your memory shit all day every day if it means I get to live with you and Michael. You're, like, one of the only good people in this fuckin' server, you actually a shit about other people. You actually give a shit about me." Ranboo bites at the skin on lip and only nods at Tubbo's words, his eyes looking everywhere but at the boy sat before him. "You're a really amazing person, Ranboo. You're an even better husband. I'm not sick of dealing with you because I care about you, and no panic attack or dissociative episode or anything is going to scare me away. I promise." Ranboo settles more at this and lets out a sigh he didn't know he was holding. Tubbo must find this reaction satisfactory because he pulls his hands away from his partner's face and instead holds up his palms. Ranboo immediately follows, lining up his much larger palm pad to meet Tubbo's hands. The pair sit in silence, holding their hands up to each other as if trying to copy the other's movements in a mirror. "Ready to start?"
"Yeah. Ready."
"Okay," Tubbo begins. "Your name is Ranboo. You're married to me, Tubbo, and we have a son named Michael."
The two go through the motions effortlessly, Tubbo saying a phrase and Ranboo copying it in the first person. Most of the information is simple enough, talking about who each of his friends are and where he currently lives, what project he's working on, what they're planning for the future. Towards the end of this short daily ritual, Ranboo pauses, ignoring one of Tubbo's phrases. When Tubbo repeats it, he gets an odd response from the other hybrid.
"Tubbo... Did I ever forget you?"
Tubbo feels his heart sink into his stomach. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, one of these times where I've woken up disoriented and confused, did I ever... Forget who you were? Did I ever not recognize you or your name?" Tubbo nearly waves off his question, not even considering the fact that Ranboo could ever forget who he was. Just as he opens his mouth to deny the claim, a memory hits him like a ton of bricks. One that he shoved deep into the corners of his mind, hoping and praying to forget about it. He never did.
Tubbo swallows anxiously, "Actually, there was... one time. One time you woke up and didn't know who I was."
"Tubbo..."
Tubbo remembers his heart thrumming against his chest, looking into the unfamiliar violet eyes of his husband. "You woke up in a panic, but it was worse than today. Your eyes were glowing purple and your claws looked like they had gotten longer, I don't know how. You were making those awful enderman noises and were gurgling at me, when I told you who I was you just sat there and stared at me." It shook him to his core and all he could think to do was latch onto Ranboo for dear life, hoping to some god that this panicked purple-eyed Ranboo wouldn't sink his claws into his back, taking his final life. Instead, the pair shrunk down onto the bed, ending up with Ranboo falling asleep in Tubbo's arms as the shorter sobbed into his chest. "You didn't recognize me or my name."
Tubbo feels arms slink around his midsection as Ranboo pulls him into a hug, pushing Tubbo's face into Ranboo's chest. Tubbo hugs back, fisting the fabric of Ranboo's thin sleep shirt in his hands as he feels Ranboo bury his face into his hair, right in between his horns. "I'm sorry... Tubbo, I'm so sorry," Ranboo rasps, his voice meek.
"It's okay Ranboo, you didn't know." Tubbo's voice cracks halfway through his sentence and he curses himself for not holding it together better.
The two stay like this for a while, just holding onto each other in the familiarity of their bed. Ranboo's breath tickles Tubbo's hair and his paws find their way to the nape of his neck, playing with the brunette mop and split ends. Tubbo's hands begin losing circulation from trying to hold them up for so long to reach Ranboo's back where they've been steadily tracing circular patterns into his shirt between his shoulder blades. The pair sway back in forth, unwilling to let the other go.
"Can we just... stay like this for a while? I'm not tired but... I don't feel ready to get up yet."
"Of course. I'm sure Tommy's already gotten up with Michael." Their blond-haired friend had recently moved into their residence, choosing a room adjacent to Michael's. While Tommy would never admit it, he loves the "Uncle Tommy" role, and has quickly grown attached to his piglin hybrid nephew.
With that, the husbands lay back down in their bed once more, still wrapped up in each other's arms. Ranboo's tail swishes back and forth contentedly as he continues to play with Tubbo's hair.
"You know I'll always remember you... right? Even if it seems like I've forgotten you, or, or something..." Ranboo's voice trails off. "I never want to forget you. I'll never let it happen," Ranboo declares quietly. Tubbo looks up and spots Ranboo's eyes which have fixated themselves on the bedroom door behind Tubbo. The solemn look on Ranboo's face shatters his heart.
"You can't control your memory problems, dude. But I know you'll always remember me, even if you forget for a little while." Tubbo scoots closer to him, his forehead resting against his husband's shoulder.
"I don't want to forget you."
"I know."
"I'll always remember you."
"I know, Ranboo. I trust you."
The teens may both have issues they still need to work through, and issues they might never find a solution to, but the two are happy regardless. They have each other, and sometimes, that's all that matters. The thought of Ranboo waking up and not knowing who Tubbo is scares Tubbo to death, but he trusts that his husband will always remember him, no matter the circumstances that come between them. Right now they're together, laying in their warm bed and wrapped up in each other's arms. Ranboo drifts off to sleep once again, Tubbo teasing him for lying about his exhaustion. Tubbo knows that some days are worse than others, but in moments like these, he's reminded that everything will turn out alright.
Ranboo will always find a way to remember him, and he knows that for certain.