Chapter Text
The alarm goes off and Jeongyeon dreads everything already. She gets ready, eats her breakfast with a scowl directed at her sister, and grabs one of her dad's caps before leaving the house.
She spots Nayeon already waiting for her, bouncing from toe to heel, out front and more dread fills in.
Nayeon notices her and instead of the usual good morning she looks at her skeptically. "You do know hats are prohibited at school, right?"
"Yeah, yeah," she starts walking ahead. "Let's just go."
They take their usual route, stopping at a convenience store to stock up on snacks for breaks. Jeongyeon should be used to it by now but the black Cadillac that always stalks them will always feel unsettling. Makes her feel like a criminal sort of.
Her continuously glancing back must have been caught by Nayeon who apologizes, as always. "I've tried to get my father to back off but he insists if I want to walk to school then this is the condition."
"It’s fine, I'll just pretend it's dispatch or something."
"I'm not sure that helps."
"It doesn't but it’s whatever."
They finally get to school and Jeongyeon makes it to the entrance of her classroom until a teacher calls her out on the cap. Reluctantly, she removes it and everyone gasps dramatically.
It’s Jeongyeon's worst nightmare coming alive. A pixie-like haircut that was the result because of her clutz of a sister.
The reactions are mixed. Some tell her she looks cool, gives the aura of an idol. Some fawn over how handsome she appears, also like an idol. And some don't give a reaction and move on with their life.
Her close friends gave reactions she expected. Dahyun and Chaeyoung burst into a strong laughter that tears leaked from their eyes and if Jeongyeon wasn't so exhausted from worrying all night she'd had literally knocked some sense into them. Tzuyu says it suits her then proceeds to ask for help on her math work. Jihyo couldn't maintain eye contact at all as her eyes kept levitating toward her hair.
Not wanting to deal with anymore nonsense Jeongyeon had put her hat back on and accepted the punishment of standing in the hall with her arms up when she refused to oblige to the teacher's order of taking it off again.
It’s during lunch when Nayeon finally sees her new hairdo and Jeongyeon can already feel the jokes coming. Except, the surprise that had been on Nayeon's face when she entered Jeongyeon’s classroom disappeared in seconds and she grabbed a chair to sit in front of her desk, plopping her lunch in front of her like usual.
Nayeon acting normal made Jeongyeon feel slightly better.
Until she asks, "Wanna tell me what inspired this new look?"
Jeongyeon sighs, putting down her chopsticks. "I was watching a movie with Seungyeon unnie last night and she was chewing gum but she laughed so hard it flew out of her mouth and landed on my hair. She tried to pull it out but only smeared it more. When my mom saw, she didn’t say a single word and drove me to the salon and here I am."
"Brutal." is all Nayeon says then continues to eat.
Jeongyeon doesn’t know what else to respond with so she hums affirmatively and picks up her chopsticks again, snatching a piece of meat from Nayeon’s lunch box.
Nayeon likes messing with her hair lately. She ties a bunch of small ponytails, making her the equivalent of a barbie with wack hair. At first it was annoying but she's gotten used to her antics already.
After pulling out all the hair ties, Jeongyeon shakes her head, knowing it’s not enough to put her hair back the way it was but still better than it sticking up in every direction. She then catches Nayeon staring; which isn't unusual because Nayeon tends to space out and stare into the beyond but this time her eyes are directly locking with her own.
"What?"
"You look pretty with this hairstyle."
Jeongyeon scoffs. "Don't you mean handsome?" Because that's what everyone's been telling her--still annoying but she’s gotten used to it already.
Nayeon shakes her head. "No, I mean pretty."
It’s not odd for Nayeon to give out compliments. It’s like a second nature to her. Making everyone feel good about themselves.
"Well...thanks."
"Now me."
"Huh?"
"I called you pretty now, tell me something."
And of course this wasn't just a take and move on thing. It's also in Nayeon's nature to fish out for compliments. It fuels her self esteem.
Nayeon is smiling expectantly at her and Jeongyeon would have brushed her off and continued with their studying because if accepting compliments was hard for her, giving them was like eating glass, but something in the way Nayeon's eyes shined with hope made her respond.
"You're cute--" she clears her throat and sloppily adds, "I guess."
Nayeon’s smile drops. "You guess?"
Jeongyeon almost believes that Nayeon is truly upset until she's smacked with a stuffed animal as Nayeon whines.
"You just had to add your Jeongyeoness!"
"What does that even mean?"
"It means," Nayeon huffs, holding the stuffed toy in her arms. "That whenever you're trying to say or do something out of sincere kindness you always add something to make it seem like a tease."
"Well, sorry I can't be perfect for you."
"I don't need perfect,Jeongyeon," Nayeon murmurs and some tension is added in the air. "I just..."
"What? What is it?"
"Nothing."
Jeongyeon shrugs it off and goes back reviewing their work, fixing the mistakes Nayeon had pointed out on hers.
Nayeon has been staring at her way too often lately. Whenever they’re together, she catches her already looking at her and Jeongyeon would pull a funny expression or stick her tongue out as a tease which incites either Nayeon to laugh grossly or whine in annoyance. However, all she's getting recently is a small smile that looks like it holds way too much meaning.
Like now, Nayeon is boring holes into the side of her face and when Jeongyeon turns to make a funny expression at her, she gets the same smile.
“Okay, what is wrong with you?”
Nayeon appears confused. “Me? Nothing, why?”
“You keep smiling at me...it’s weird.”
“Do you not want me to smile at you?”
“It’s not that I don't want you to but like... why are you? You usually give me a different reaction when I'm being annoying.”
Nayeon shrugs, flipping through her notebook. “I can’t help but smile at you.”
Jeongyeon flounders for words because what the hell does Nayeon mean with hers. Their friendship has never been founded on loving words, sweet gestures, or anything remotely stereotypical of best friends. They argue way too much, tease and irriate the living hell out of each other, laugh at dumb things the other does.
In other words, it’s rare for them to be this soft with each other. Not that it never happens, but only on special occasions like birthdays, holidays, or anything that requires them to be overly kind.
So hearing Nayeon’s words have Jeongyeon tumbling inside her head because once again, what the hell.
Seemingly catching on to her panic, Nayeon sighs, her smile vanishing. “Don’t overthink it, Jeongyeon. It’s not that serious.”
“Geez, don’t get mad at me for being confused on why you’re speaking all sweetly towards me.”
“I’m not mad--” Nayeon closes her notebook, fingers tapping against it. “--I’ve just felt the need to appreciate the good things in my life right now. In case you were unaware, you’re part of that.”
“Pfft, of course, I knew that. As annoying and overbearing I can get, I’m the highlight of your day--life even.” Jeongyeon says, jokingly but deep down she wonders if Nayeon may actually consider her that significant.
“Yeah, you are. My life would be hell without you to keep pulling me through.”
Her words are drenched with sincerity. Jeongyeon can feel it.
“Hey, um,” she clears her throat, not used to mushy and cringey words. “I appreciate you, too.”
“Who knew we could be sappy to each other?”
At this Jeongyeon shivers, grimacing. “This can not happen too often. I have limits.”
Instead of finishing their work, Jeongyeon pulls out her laptop for them to watch a movie. Nayeon chucks her things aside and fixes herself against her, leaning on Jeongyeon’s shoulder as she scrolls through Netflix.
Her stomach feels fluttery and woozy but not in a bad way. Just an unfamiliar way.
That and the press of Nayeon against her is all she feels and thinks about.
When Jeongyeon gets woken up in the middle of the night by her phone ringing she can only suspect it’s a spam or an emergency.
The latter is correct when she reads Nayeon's name flashing on her phone through sleepy eyes. She answers the call and is unprepared for Nayeon crying and begging if she can come outside.
Jeongyeon, of course, wakes up all the way and rushes out the front door, barefoot because there's no time to waste putting on shoes when your bestfriend is crying at two in the morning in front of your house.
Nayeon is pacing back and forth, dressed in her pajamas and looks like a drunk person who's lost.
"What's wrong?" Jeongyeon asks immediately when Nayeon notices her presence. She doesn't get an answer, just gets crushed into a hug. "Nayeon--"
"Just hold me for a bit," she murmurs against her shoulder.
So Jeongyeon hugs her tightly until she calms down and pulls away.
"Are you going to tell me what happened now?"
After Nayeon had calmed down, Jeongyeon tugged her inside because it was chilly and her feet were freezing from the lack of protection. She whipped up a grilled cheese sandwich for each and poured them each a glass of strawberry milk. Comfort food might do some good.
"I told my father that I wanted to pursue acting and he laughed. He thought I was joking and shrugged it off, saying that's no way to make a living for his daughter."
"Nayeon..."
"It’s all I've ever wanted to do but he thinks my dreams are a joke."
Nayeon has always made it aware that she's not a big fan of her father. That they've never had the perfect father-daughter relationship, or one to begin with. She's always said that every interaction they've had has felt like a transaction.
"What does your mom say?"
Nayeon only scoffs. "Nothing. But I don't blame her. She's not allowed to speak her opinion on my life...I don't know if I appreciate it or resent it."
As for her mother, Nayeons rarely spoke of her. However, Jeongyeon knows Nayeon prefers her mother over her father. It’s a weak relationship they have but its better than none at all.
"What does he want you to do?"
"Get into business school, maybe law, I don't know. Something that I obviously don't want to do."
Jeongyeon wishes she could say something to make her feel better but knows it'd be all pointless coming from her. She doesn't share the same sentiment when it comes to parents; her parents were involved in her and her sisters life at a certain level but knew when their opinion was wanted and not needed. Always giving the support for whatever.
"So, then, what do you plan to do?"
"I'm going to convince him."
"How?"
Nayeon peers up at her, bites her lip hesitantly.
"What?"
"My dad thinks acting here is mediocre but...if I told him that I got into an acting school in America he'd view it as a potential expansion for his business over there."
All Jeongyeon registers is America. Meaning that Nayeon would be packing everything up and moving miles and miles across the ocean. Far from her.
"...oh."
"It’s a long shot honestly but if I try to study acting here my dad has too much power and influence to prohibit me or if he somehow becomes supportive he's going to make calls and make it too easy and I wouldn't have gotten the true experience of failure and success."
Nayeon makes points but they're points that Jeongyeon wishes weren't enough to make her move to another country.
"I...um..."
Nayeon reaches over and holds her hand. It burns and Jeongyeon wants to take her hand away.
"You'll support me, won't you?"
When she looks into Nayeon's eyes, glimmering with hope, a kind of hope that one only has for their best friend, she realizes that there's nothing else she can do but give support.
It’s what best friends were for.
"A hundred percent."
Nayeon smiles then, pulling her into a quick hug. "I knew I could count on you."
"You always can, Nayeon, don't forget that."
"I won't."
They finish off their food and Jeongyeon tugs Nayeon up to her room because it'd be absolutely insane for her to head back home at this hour.
It’s not the first time they share a bed because Nayeon has slept over her house dozens of times. Except it feels different this time. Like it’s the last time she'd ever share a close space like this with Nayeon.
Typically, Jeongyeon would be annoyed at the way Nayeon cuddles into her, throwing an arm over her waist, locking their feet together oddly, shoving her face in her neck but just this once she's glad that Nayeon knows no concept of personal space.
Being this entangled with Nayeon in her bed causes that woozy feeling to return and it settles right in the depth of her body. Still not bad but still something she doesn't have a name for.
The last few weeks of school have Jeongyeon feeling strange. She feels stuck in a limbo.
Like she's not a kid anymore, is basically out of the teenager era once she graduates, but isn't quite an adult yet either. Just in between. As if she's residing between the words growing and up.
Her classmates are swamped with all kinds of studying. They all stay up late and wake up early from reviewing material for their college exams. There's even a group chat with them all in case there are questions.
It’s surreal to be graduating soon. It’s as if she was barely starting kindergarten yesterday and now she's on her way to become a full fledged college student.
She already knows what she's planning to major in. Culinary arts just like her dad. The cooking gene runs in their family. And ever since she could walk, her parents say she'd be in the kitchen trying to give them a hand.
Her friends have decided what they want to do. It’s quite fitting for what each of them pick. Jihyo says she plans to get into architecture like her dad too. Tzuyu wants to get into business and open a cafe. As for Dahyun and Chaeyoung, they've decided to forgo college because they claim it’s nothing but evil capitalism and plan to become streamers together.
Then there's Nayeon, who she already knew about what she wanted for her future. They haven't touched the topic of what happens after graduation since the night Nayeon called her crying. It’s been weeks since then.
Jeongyeon prefers that they didn't either way because talking about the future with her friends was completely different than with Nayeon.
"We started our account the other day and we already have a hundred subscribers!" exclaims Dahyun, biting into a chocolate pie after.
It’s lunch and Jeongyeon wanted a change of pace. Instead of bringing herself food from home she opted to eat the school's food and hang out with her friends. It worked out because Nayeon hadn't come to school either, having sent her a text that her period cramps were too much to deal with in a school setting.
"Really? What'd you guys stream?" asks Jihyo, her eyes on the book in her hands but knowing how great at multitasking she is, she can pay attention to her studying and her friends at the same time.
"We played Resident Evil Village and Dahyun was simping over Lady Dimitrescu badly and people just kept coming to watch."
"Hey, she's a tall, hot, older woman. Everything I like."
Jeongyeon takes note of the reaction Chaeyoung makes when she thinks no one is paying attention. She pouts and Jeongyeon catches her murmur that, 'I'm not tall but I'm small and cute .’ She wants to facepalm because it’s so evident but her friends need to do this themselves.
"I wouldn't doubt you two would become popular streamers, you have chemistry and a strong connection," offers Tzuyu, who doesn't see anything wrong with what she said even with the way both Dahyun and Chaeyoung blush.
"Yeah, who has better flow than two best friends that laugh at a piece of bread falling over at two in the morning." adds in Jihyo.
"Two a.m. is just crackhead hours. Everything is hilarious at that time."
Jeongyeon is glad Jihyo was able to divert awkwardness from building up. They don't need more best friends being weird around each other, not that Jeongyeon thinks she's being weird around her best friend.
They talk about more things like what game Dahyun and Chaeyoung are planning to stream next, about how Tzuyu went to a puppy cafe the other day and was inspired to open one just like it, to how Jihyo needs to stop living with her nose in a book and start remembering what fun is.
For just this small amount of time, Jeongyeon doesn't worry about herself and what she wants or needs or should do and want.
It does not feel real at all. Standing in the auditorium as they congratulate the graduating class. Receiving her diploma, flowers from her parents, congratulations from classmates, teachers, her friends.
Graduating high school doesn't feel real and probably won't until she starts college. Or so that's what her sister had said.
She stands with her parents in front of the school as their picture is taken by Seungyeon then they switch and she stands with Seungyeon who gives her bunny ears.
Jihyo, Tzuyu, Dahyun and Chaeyoung swoop by and they take a group photo. All that's missing is Nayeon but she hasn't seen her since the graduation commencement where they made brief eye contact and Nayeon gave her a weak smile before turning her attention back to the principal.
"Where's Nayeon?" asks Seungyeon, unaware of the effect it has on Jeongyeon.
"How should I know?"
"Maybe because you two are attached at the hip."
"No, we are not."
"Yes, you are. You have been since middle school."
Nayeon was alone during breaks and Jeongyeon was curious. That's how their friendship started. Nothing dramatic or life changing.
"I don't know, she might have left already."
Seungyeon pinches her cheek annoyingly. "Aw, is my little sister sad her bestie left without saying bye."
Jeongyeon grumbles, swatting her hand away because being coddled by her older sister is embarrassing. At least in public it is.
"You're so annoying."
"I know," Seungyeon lets up and then starts waving. "Oh, there she is. Nayeon! Over here!"
"Can you be any louder?"
"Sure, I can."
Before Seungyeon can prove her point, Jeongyeon covers her mouth, effectively shushing her right when Nayeon gets to them.
"Hi, unnie, how are you?"
Seungyeon pretends to cry. "Just so emotional that my baby sister graduated today."
Jeongyeon rolls her eyes. "Go home already. Mom and dad must need help with the food."
Their parents had taken off already to get started on the cooking. Close family members and friends were invited to their house for a mini celebratory party. Not that Jeongyeon wanted it because she couldn't survive all the questions and pestering about her future. However, she relented because she knew her parents just wanted to show off how proud they were.
“First, a picture is in order. Go, go, stand together.”
Following her sister's orders, they stand next to each with too much distance between them at first until Seungyeon points it out and urges them to get closer or she’ll start yelling. They avoid that disaster because Nayeon steps closer, slides her arm through Jeongyeon’s, and leans her head on her shoulder, a big smile on her face.
“Jeong, we know Nayeon is pretty but you have to look at the camera,” Seungyeon teases and Jeongyeon wants the earth to swallow her.
“She has an eye crust.” She rebutes and Nayeon rolls her eyes but still wipes at them.
They get their picture taken and Jeongyeon goes back to urging her sister to leave before she says more things to make her lose sanity.
"Fine. Fine. Just make sure you get home before five. Nice seeing you as always, Nayeon, take care."
Nayeon bows slightly as Seungyeon takes off. And then there were two.
"So..." Jeongyeon starts offhandedly. "Congrats on surviving high school."
"Yeah, congrats to you too."
"Doing anything to celebrate?"
"My father made a reservation at some expensive, fancy restaurant that serves portions the size of half of my fist. So, yeah, there's that."
"You could...swing by my house. There'll be tons of food."
They’re avoiding each others eyes. It feels weird between them and Jeongyeon doesn't know how to make it stop.
"You don't mind?"
This catches her blindsided. Never has Nayeon worried about coming over, doesn't even bother asking for permission. She just shows up, knocks sometimes but most of the time lets herself in and fits right in with the rest of them.
"Why would I?"
Nayeon shrugs half heartedly. "Ever since we talked about me applying to colleges in America you've been...off."
It’s happening. They're finally talking about what Jeongyeon had avoided for a while. She's unsure how to react or approach.
"What, no I haven't. I've been completely normal."
"I know you, Jeongyeon."
"Yeah and I know myself too." She says, her tone a tad defensive. Nayeon realizes it too when she looks taken aback. "I'm serious, I'm fine. I think it's just because we're growing up so fast and my mind can't keep up."
"We only graduated high school. I hardly think that counts as growing up. We've got our whole life ahead of us still."
"I guess you're right but...still..."
Then Nayeon grabs a hold of her hand, gazing directly into her eyes. "We'll still be the best of friends no matter where I go to school. Don't worry so much, Jeong."
And she truly wishes that was her main concern.
But of course Nayeon wouldn't know. She wouldn't have a single clue.
Because Nayeon is amazing, talented, ambitious and knows what she wants and gets what she wants whenever she wants. And Jeongyeon is the opposite. She treads carefully, doesn't have the slightest idea what she wants, wonders if she even can want it.
"Yeah, okay."
Nayeon doesn't seem convinced with her response but doesn't push either. Only starts walking with their hands still interlocked.
"Let's get ice cream. I'll pay." Nayeon suggests and what else can Jeongyeon do but accept and follow her.
Jeongyeon doesn't think she can get out of bed even if the world is ending. She'd rather face her end in the comfort of her bed.
For the past hour her phone has been pinging with texts and ringing with phone calls that go right to voicemail.
In a few hours Nayeon will be getting on a plane and flying away. She had thought to have more time but as always, time goes by way too fast for its own good.
Everyone knows this is why she's wrapped in her blanket like a burrito and refuses to get out of bed. Too sad to say goodbye. Too sad to put on a happy, proud face. Too sad to see Nayeon's back get further away.
There's a knock on her door before her mom's head peaks in. "Honey, you have a visitor."
"Tell Jihyo to eat my shorts."
"It’s not Jihyo."
"Then tell Tzuyu she can play with our dogs without needing to see me."
"Not her either."
"Well, inform Dahyun and Chaeyoung that I do not want to be their mascot for their streams."
Her mother seems confused at that but still shakes her head. "It’s not them either."
Jeongyeon sighs, exasperated and disentangles herself from her burrito form. "Who is here then?"
From behind her mother, Nayeon peaks out and Jeongyeon immediately reverts back to burrito form, wrapping herself in the safe warmth of her blanket.
"She's been like that all day, see if you can get her to come out for more than a few seconds."
"Don't worry, Mrs. Yoo. I got this."
She hears the door shut then feet padding towards her bed. She feels Nayeon tug at her blanket and tries to put up a fight first.
Her bed shifts when presumably Nayeon sits on it. She sighs, "Jeongyeon, I want to see your face before I leave."
"Too bad."
"Don't be stubborn."
She scoffs because she's not stubborn.
Nayeon tries tugging again but Jeongyeon still doesn't budge.
"Can you stop being such a kid and come out of there? I have a flight to catch in a few hours and I'd like to say goodbye."
Jeongyeon hates everything. She hates college. Hates the college that accepted Nayeon. Hates that Nayeon's father didn’t oppose it. Hates that nobody else wishes Nayeon would stay. Hates herself for hating all those things.
"Okay, I understand. Bye, Jeongyeon."
Nayeon is leaving. It’s not what Jeongyeon wants. Not all. She just wanted her to suffer for a little bit. Not for her to leave before she could cave.
Tearing off the blanket, Jeongyeon stumbles out of bed, nearly face planting if not for her fast reflexes. "Don’t go!" she calls out, catching Nayeon by the door. "Don’t leave."
"I wasn't really leaving, I just wanted to make you come out."
"No, I mean, don't leave ."
Nayeon sighs. "I have to."
"I...I know...I just..."
"I won't be gone forever. I'll be back before you know it."
"Yeah, I know."
"Hug?"
Nayeon opens her arms and Jeongyeon rushes into them, embracing her tightly.
"I'll miss you." Jeongyeon admits, knows she's being vulnerable.
"I'll miss you more."
She doesn't think so. There's just no way Nayeon could miss her more. Because after all this time, Jeongyeon comes to a conclusion, a realization as she hugs her.
She's finally been able to put a name on that weird woozy and fluttering feeling in her stomach.
It’s love.
Jeongyeon is in love with Nayeon.
And it terrifies her.