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Someone would mistake her as someone that ran away from her wedding. Judging from what she wears, a long beige dress with the hair done running across the Lobby of Yulje Hospital. But she disappears in the hallway, no one notices where she went or to whom she was hurriedly running across the lobby for.
The pitter patter sound of the heel that meets the granite floor is actually heard across the Neurosurgery department’s office. And then stops in front of a room. The owner of the heel finally put her pace into a stop and take a deep breath as she had been running a marathon. With a more stable breath, she opens the door and takes a seat in front of a table. After pondering for a while about what she wants to do next, she finally grabs a paper, a pen and writes to her heart's content.
“Ikjun-ah
First, I’m sorry for not being able to attend your special day. I have a sudden surgery schedule that I can’t postpone, you know it too, right?
I’m sorry, I’m terribly sorry about it.
Even though I may not be there to congratulate you and celebrate on your most special day, I hope this letter reaches you and gives you the sense of comfort and assurance not to bail out on your wedding day. So, read it when you’re ready.
Being your friend for more than ten years teaches me something. To never congratulate you on something. Because I hate that you will never take my congratulatory message seriously. But me being honest, I don’t mind if you ever make fun of my excessively emotional congratulatory message, because it’s your day Ikjun-ah, and I just want to kick some sense to you.
Your wedding day…
From the day that you told us you’re getting married when we were having the night out with the others, I saw a little light on your face. I thought that you must be really happy to finally settle your life with someone special that you chose to be part of your bigger journey, bigger universe.
But little did I know I was wrong, it was never a little light. It was a ray, as bright as the sun, and clear as the day that you are in love with her. I’m extremely happy that you find someone you think deserves your love, your lifetime and your future to build together with.
For whatever reasons you were considering marrying her this day, which I’m sorry I wasn’t really paying attention to, I hope you hold on to that reason as long as you live with her.
I hope you treat her with tender care…
with love as your shield to protect her from her fears…
and never forget to let her know how much you love and respect her through your actions.
To tell you the truth, Ikjun-ah, choosing someone as your partner in this lifetime is the most important decision you have to make. Because when you choose the wrong person, all the beautiful sunrises and sunsets would go cloudy.
Although I may have not experienced it, trust me I know it is Ikjun-ah. Because my happiest time was being with someone I love, spending my time with him. Then, I felt all colors in the sky were simply magnificent, iridescent. I can smell the burning sun in the day and feel the tender hug of the sun ray when it’s set. It was as if I could do all the things under the beautiful sky with him...”
‘With you’
“But sadly now, for me, it’s a rainy parade. The sun has left my eyes.
So, for now, making rain to be my ode to joy is not a bad idea after all.
It’s not because I’ve won this war, I might never will, not even was.
Once again, cheers Lee Ik Jun for your wedding day and your happiest days to come. I may not be able to attend your special day, however slightly significant I am to your life, I hope there will not be any second or third wedding I must attend in the future.
Your dearest friend,
Chae Song Hwa”
She clasps tightly her pen in her hand as she struggles to take enough air to continue breathing. Tears staining on her dress but she doesn’t mind it at all. She folds her paper into an envelope and places it close to her heart.
“You have to know something, Ikjun-ah…
I can never hate you
Not even close
Not even a bit
Not even at all...
Because at the end of the day... this love is a losing game”