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Carrie was close to crying. And of course it was fine, because Flynn was holding her hand and that made everything fine, except this time... this time their hand felt like a stranger’s. Carrie was close to crying and even Flynn’s hand in hers didn’t help, because this time she knew what it meant.
“Carrie... what happened to us?” Flynn’s voice didn’t shake, but her faced was etched in regret.
“I don’t know Flynn. I thought I would love you forever.” And she had, Carrie would have sworn on her own life that she planned on loving Flynn Taylor as long as she had breath in her lungs. And now?
Now her lungs might as well be breathless.
She might as well be underwater, because she knew Flynn like the back of her hand. Knew the way Flynn would grow quiet when she was trying not to cry, knew the way they would fight with everything they had for her friends, knew her favourite colour to paint her nails, they way they liked their eggs (she didn’t. She hated the texture), knew that teasing was their love language.
Carrie knew all of this. And knew that as much as she craved that familiarity, she didn’t love her the same as she had before.
“I’m sorry Carrie.” Flynn’s voice was quiet. So quiet and Carrie knew they were trying not to cry, and dammit she couldn’t look. She couldn’t look because Carrie was close to tears herself.
Carrie breathed in deeply and blinked as she tilted her head to look at the sky. She would not cry. She would NOT cry. She opened her mouth to speak, but Flynn was talking again.
“I want to love you, the way I did before. And I do love you, Carrie! I love you so damn much and that makes it hurt worse, somehow. Because even though I love you so much that it makes my lungs ache, it’s not the same.
“And I know we’ll get through this. Like we get through everything together,” They squeezed her hand and gave a watery smile, “But. I just hate that it will be different. I’m just... I’m sorry.”
Carrie almost laughed; A tear-filled, brokenhearted laugh.
Flynn was breaking Carrie’s heart. They were breaking her heart and that was funny to Carrie, because it was already broken. Here they were, breaking each other’s hearts because they didn’t love each other anymore, and it was funny as hell.
“I think,” Carrie paused, letting the sadness well up, letting herself feel the pain of losing Flynn as a lover, and then letting it settle again, “I think we both need time to let ourselves mourn. If that makes sense? Because, I love you, and you love me, but we both lost the romance of our love a while ago. I think we’re just holding on because we don’t want to lose the person.”
“Well fuck you Carrie Wilson, because if you think you can lose me that easily, you’re wrong.” Flynn bonked her shoulder with their head. “I think though... that I agree. But if you say for a minute that we won’t be friends or something after this, I’ll egg and TP your house. That’s just how it goes.”
Carrie did laugh then, and leaned against Flynn’s side, letting her comfort the aching pieces of herself.
“I love you Flynn, always.”
Flynn was silent for a moment, and Carrie shut her eyes tight, refusing to see Flynn cry.
Flynn’s chest staggered in a breath before she spoke, and Carrie clenched her jaw.
“I love you too, Care-Bear.” Flynn’s voice cracked.
Carrie did cry then, and it was okay. It was okay because Flynn was there, holding her, and Flynn’s hugs made everything better. Even though they were letting her go, and she was letting them go.
It was okay, because they still loved each other, even if it wasn’t the same as when they started.