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He had just gotten back from his surfing competition—if one could even call it that.
His mind had been so clouded with the drug bust that he’d fucked up nearly every heat, hating having all eyes on him, knowing everyone was watching just how much of a failure he was. It didn’t help that he knew Deran was watching from home—their home.
They hadn’t been living together for more than a few days before he’d had to take off, Deran moving most of his stuff in while he was gone. After all these years, Adrian finally had everything he’d ever wanted with Deran and he just couldn’t let it be enough, wouldn’t take his money. It wasn’t just the fact that he knew where the money came from—even if Deran claimed otherwise—but more that he wanted them to be equals; he didn’t want Deran to provide for them.
He hadn’t been throwing the competitions, not on purpose anyway. It was all the extra added pressure of knowing he had not only the spectators’ eyes on him but the DEAs too. They wanted answers, information; Adrian didn’t even know where to start. Growing up in Oceanside, especially alongside the Cody’s, Adrian had learned one thing—you didn’t snitch. Sure, Jack was a worthless piece of shit drug dealer, but that didn’t mean Adrian wanted to rat about him; if word got back that it was him who snitched, who knows what would happen. He wouldn’t be trusted, that was for sure.
Deran could never know; never know that he’d lied about sponsorships and then tried to transport drugs which he got caught for. The man would probably never trust him again, and even if he did—Adrian would never forgive himself.
His flight landed early in the afternoon; he hadn’t bothered to tell Deran he was coming home. All he wanted was a few hours to himself before he had to go lie to his boyfriend’s face—again. Once he was off the plane, he caught a cab, not caring about the ridiculous price it would cost, though he really should; money is what got him into this mess to begin with.
He had the driver drop him off near the beach where he proceeded to spend the next few hours, trying to clear his mind without all the added pressure. The waves always helped to clear his mind, the sound of the water crashing relaxing his nerves. Whenever he and Deran came here, it was always just the two of them, even if there were millions of people around them. They always got lost on the other, both of them raging, the water swaying in their eyes.
After getting shit for waves, his mind somewhat cleared, he finally headed home, knowing he’d have to face Deran sooner or later. Plus, Deran was his home; he’d never feel completely calm until they’d laid eyes on each other.
When he got to the house it was empty, void of Deran and his Scout. Adrian flicked the light on as he walked in, feeling at home almost instantly. It smelled like a mix of weed, ocean air, and something that was Deran all in itself; yes, this is exactly what he needed.
He wandered around the house, noting that Deran had set up his various trophies, surfboards and clothes strewn about; there were even a few pictures of the two of them spread throughout the house.
After showering and re-dressing, Adrian hit hist first speed dial, sighing when Deran didn’t answer. If the man wasn’t at the beach or at home, there was only one more place he could be; unless he was out doing a job with his brothers that is.
Adrian hopped in his own car, heading toward Deran’s bar. He was still so proud of him for buying the place, getting it up and running, and for keeping it going; Deran wasn’t nearly half as dumb as people claimed him to be.
He pulled up out front, parking by the scout before hopping out and making his way inside. It was early evening so the bar was decently crowded, Adrian veering around them and up to the counter. A few of their buddies were there so he greeted them, the bartender asking what he wanted. “Deran around?” The bartender nodded toward the back. “Back there, but I wouldn’t bother him if I were you…guys been grumpy all day.” Oh joy, just what Adrian wanted to come home to—a grumpy Deran.
Sighing, he passed on a drink, making his way toward the office, tapping lightly, a muffled groan coming back in response. He pushed the door open slowly, peeking inside to find Deran leaned up against his desk, pressing his head into the palm of his head. “I told you not to bug me unless—” Adrian cut him off, using his typical smartass tone. “Is that how you’re gonna welcome me home?”
Deran looked up suddenly, a slight smile crossing his face before he was wincing out in pain.; Adrian was at his side in an instant. “Hey, what’s wrong?” The other man took in a strained breath, casually waving Adrian off. “Nothing, just got a fuckin’ killer headache. How was the trip?” Adrian refrained from rolling his eyes, both of them knowing damn well Deran had been watching him every day, knowing just how shitty he’d preformed.
At another stifled grunt, Adrian touched his fingers lightly to Deran’s temple, the skin underneath warm and clammy. “Have you checked your temp? I think you have a fever man.” Deran quickly shook his head, shooing Adrian’s fingers off his forehead. “M-fine, ok? Just a little headache.” Yea, uh-huh, sure he was.
Deran had only been sick a handful of times during the entirety of their friendship, something Adrian was grateful for; the man was always completely in denial about it until it got to the point where it overwhelmed him and he became cranky, like how he was acting right now. He ignored Deran’s claims, continuing to fuss over the man. “Have you eaten anything today?”
“Yes.” His answer was too quick which meant he was lying, or trying to brush Adrian off; probably a combination of both. Adrian sighed as he moved to the mini fridge Deran kept in there, pulling out a bottle of water, handing it off to him. “Here, you should at least drink this.” Deran pushed it away as he went to sprawl out on the couch. “It’s fine-just-just c’mere.” This time, Adrian did roll his eyes, though he moved to sit next to his boyfriend, Deran instantly resting his head in his lap as he tucked his legs into himself; yea, he was totally fine.
Adrian’s fingers absently begin to card through his hair which had grown out a little more since he’d left, the locks silky as they slid through his fingers. Deran hummed contently, Adrian knowing that was a sign he was well on his way to passing out; rubbing his head never ceased to put him right to sleep, at least with Adrian’s experience.
As Deran dozed off, Adrian wanted to spread out with him, taking his best friend into his arms, but he knew he couldn’t—shouldn’t; he didn’t deserve to. Deran had finally gotten his shit together only for Adrian to turn around and fuck it all up. He felt like he was lying to Deran just being in his presence; it didn’t seem fair.
His eyes wandered around the room, landing on the chair near the desk, a memory popping to mind. It was during the last time he’d left—he’d pulled Deran back here, giving him a picture he had taken years back, back when they were kids. ‘You seem like that again—like the kid I grew up with.’ He shook his head to himself, pulling his bottom lip in; maybe he should take his own advice.
At some point, Adrian must’ve fallen asleep, his eyes opening to the sound of muffled coughing, Deran digging his head further into Adrian’s chest. Adrian patted and rubbed his back soothingly until the man calmed down, moving out from under him so he could stand. Deran protested, clinging onto him. “No-stay. Few more minutes-please.” Yep, Deran was definitely still in denial about being sick.
Adrian bent to press a chaste kiss to his head before removing himself from Deran, smiling when the man continued to resist. Once he’d managed to pry himself from Deran, he dug around until he found the Tylenol, grabbing the discarded bottle of water before kneeling in front of Deran. “Hey, you gotta take these, ok? They’ll make you feel better.” Deran grumbled some more, Adrian having to practically shove them in his throat, making him take back a decent amount of water before letting him lie back down. He brushed his fingers over Deran’s head again, cringing slightly at how sweaty the man was. As if on cue, Deran mumbled “M’cold.”
Adrian rubbed over his shoulders, grabbing the blanket off the back of the couch to wrap over him, Deran pulling it tightly around himself. He brought a hand to pet over Deran’s back, moving it softly back and forth. “Wanna go home? You’d probably be more comfortable there D.” Deran only shook his head, reaching his hand back until it found Adrian’s, tugging him closer. “Just you-need you.”
The guilt set in all over again, Adrian hating himself even more. He didn’t deserve to cuddle with Deran, to get to take care of him, not when he way lying to him. It didn’t matter that it would all be done and over with soon; Adrian would always feel shitty for nearly ruining everything they’d worked so hard for. Loving Deran had never been easy, but damn if it hadn’t been worth it.
Against his better judgement, he found himself climbing onto the couch behind Deran, dragging the man back into his arms, Deran turning to face him, burrowing into Adrian’s chest as if he planned to hide there until winter; Adrian didn’t mind. He placed one hand over Deran’s back, the other at his head, both of them circling comforting motions into his skin, Deran relaxing into his touch. He pressed a gentle kiss to his boyfriend’s head, whispering out, “You better not get me sick asshole.” He felt Deran smile into his neck, breathing out, “You love me.”
His hand motions stilled, his eyes opening wide as he waited for some smartass addon—it didn’t come. Deran was fast asleep in his arms, acting as though he hadn’t just confessed something major or lifechanging for their relationship. It wasn’t something Adrian would be forgetting anytime soon, that was for sure.
After a few moments, he rested his head over Deran’s, letting the mans’ familiar scent lull him to sleep, the one that reminded him he was home. Even if he felt guilty, he knew this is where he belonged, the two of them wrapped closely around the other. He would always take care of Deran, even through all of his protesting because that’s what you did for the person you loved, even if you felt like you’d completely betrayed them.
Pressing his lips to Deran’s head, he whispered out, “I do. So fucking much.” He just hoped one day they could say it for real, knowing the other meant it wholly. For now, they had each other, and that was enough; it had to be.