Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

--bip--

After entering the pass code, Seungchan came in to the apartment. He saw Mijung was sitting in front of her laptop, typing, and smoking. The towel was on her head, she had just finished her shower about five minutes ago. Although Seungchan was just three meters in distance, she was too focused to the screen.

Seungchan looked at her not too spacious yet tiny apartment, it wasn’t as dirty as yesterday. But still, his eyes caught up many beer cans on the rug. Her bed was also messy. After putting a plastic of tteokbokki on the coffee table, Seungchan gathered all the cans and went to the mini kitchen at the corner of studio to throw them all.

“Oh, it’s you.” Mijung said. She exhaled the smoke, then put the cigarette on the ashtray next to her laptop. The eyes followed Seungchan’s move—he was busy fast-sweeping the area near coffee table. “What do you bring?”

Seungchan stopped his activity, looking at her with confused stare. “I bought what you texted.”

“O-oh, okay!” she continued to type, meanwhile Seungchan threw the dust to the trash bin near the kitchen counter. “You look tired. The boss must be hard on you today.” she smoked again as pulling back her messy hair which fell on her face.

“Hm.” he said. He finished with fast-cleaning and washing his hands, then headed to Mijung’s desk. Seungchan stood behind Mijung, did the towel-drying for her hair. “And you look pale. I guessed you don’t go out today to meet the sun.”

Mijung enjoyed when Seungchan rubbed her hair as if it’s a treatment at the saloon. She made sure the cigarette stopped emitting the smoke to the air, cause Seungchan didn’t smoke. “I’ll be very crazy for the next two weeks.” She said as saved all the work, then hibernate the laptop.

“Let’s eat. It’s ten already.” Seungchan walked to the couch area, then sat. He also opened the plastic of two portion of tteokbokki. Half of his was shared to Mijung’s bowl.

“You aren’t hungry? Why are you sharing yours?” she asked as sat next to him, confused. Later, she  heard that the man chuckled.

“I know you haven’t had your lunch. You are starving.”

“You are right!” A smile crept up on her face, then she ate the tteokbokki hurriedly. “I wanna sleep after this.” Seeing some tteokbokki sauce dropped from Seunchan’s bowl to his shirt, Mijung took a tissue on the table, then cleaned his shirt. The man was confused since he didn’t notice that, but let Mijung do that for him. “You’ll go to Busan tomorrow, right?”

His mouth was full of tteok, so he couldn’t talk. His head just nodded. “What do you want me to bring for you?” he asked and swallowed the tteok. Although Mijung had one and half portion, she had finished with hers and leaned on the couch. Too full. Too sleepy.

“Hmm? I didn’t want anything.” She closed her eyes. Seungchan took her glasses off, put them on the table. “Just come back soon.” She whispered before she was really asleep.

“Okay .” Seungchan still chewed the rest of his dinner for that day, his eyes still concerned to Mijung especially her arm and wrist. Finished with tteokbokki, he placed the plastic bowl to the trash bin. His feet led to her bed, made the bed, also put the pillows which were on the floor. Not wanted to wake her up, he carried Mijung to the bed. “You are so tiny and light, like a feather.” He murmured.

He sighed. Seungchan would have a busy schedule for a week in Busan. There would be a variety show filming there with some celebrities. As the main of production assistant, he needed to attend full days. He probably would be so worried to leave Mijung alone in Seoul.

The man took a marker, one of among in her pen case. He squatted beside Mijung’s bed, then wrote “waiting for Seungchan” on her left arm, the area which was usually she marked with a cutter. He did it very slowly, so Mijung won’t be disturbed in her sleep.

After making sure that the studio was safe and neat, Seungchan left to his own studio.

Meanwhile Mijung didn’t rub her left arm when she showered so his handwritten stay there until his comeback from Busan.

Chapter Text

June 2019...

Naksan Beach was always beautiful. It was a popular beach in Gangwon-do and people loved to spend time here during summer. Besides spending the holiday, many events were held here and entertainment shows weren’t the exception.

Seungchan was placed in variety show department for six months. The show named “Hello Naksan” was one of his department project, cooperated with the local government. There were many celebs would be the guests, playing at the beach and doing the mission. Since it involved many celebs and crews, they rented 90 of 91 rooms available in one of luxurious resort, Ocean Valley.

It was so exhausting for Seungchan. After two days, he didn’t sleep at all because he was the person in charge for the celebs’s managers. Other crews also depended on him, so he didn’t even have time to rest.

He came to his room and found out it was used by the work-mate to drink. It was 4 PM yet other staff were so brave to drink, in his room, being tipsy and noisy, yet in two hours there would be another filming. Sensing that he wouldn’t be able to sleep in his room, he left without word and started to cry. “Why do they drink in my room?”

Seungchan was too exhausted. Almost forty eight hours without sleep, when he got time to rest, he couldn’t do it peacefully. He wasn’t be able to get mad to his seniors. His own feet brought him to a greeny park near the resort. It was so green with many big trees and benches. Still crying because he felt upset and annoyed, he sat at a bench without looking to his surrounding.

“I am tired!” he murmured as wiped his own tears using his T-shirt collar. “I just want to sleep.”

.

.

For twenty seven-year-old Park Mijung, Naksan Beach was a great escape. As an assistant of film director who joined writing the script, the beach would heal her stress. She was so numb just by staying alone at her own studio, being lonely, and for some ocassions she just contacted the director or production team. She was professional at work, but friendship—even with work-mates. She didn’t get along well, because she didn’t know how to.

Looking at the sea in the afternoon as sipping a can of beer was her quality time. She had been on the bench for an hour, with a blank mind, and sometimes a film of her own past played on her head. She liked to be alone, and it was okay. So far, she had no problem with that. But deep inside of her, she was also afraid that lonesome would be the death of her.

When cutter marks on her left hand couldn’t make her feel the life, she’d end up staring at the beach and thinking, ‘will I enjoy the next summer breeze?’

She was surprised when a crying man sat next to her. Mijung glanced at him, shocking that a man showed his fragility in public place—since she never saw that in her environment. Then, she pretended that she didn’t look at him, and continued to drink her beer again.

Mijung could hear that the man saying he was tired and wanted to sleep. A memory from her past came again. During her senior high school, she used to sleep at class because she was too tired. Soon after, a group came at her, pulling her hair, shouting things that she couldn’t remember, then bringing her to rooftop, and she got scars because the gang kicked her tiny body.

“Are you okay?” Mijung asked Seungchan. Her mouth couldn’t zip. She wanted treat everyone like she wanted to be treated in the past.

The man turned his head, the round eyes of his widened. As wiping his tears, he nodded. “I am just sleepy but my room is used by other people in the resort.”

“Hm.” she only hummed that made him confused and awkward.

“So-sorry, I don’t see you before. Sorry.” Seungchan said looked down at his feet, “can I sit here and sleep?”

Mijung looked at him, “hm.” and gave him a nod as approval.

“Thank you.” He bowed his head to the stranger with ash-brown hair and big specs.

Not long after, he slept soundly, sitting, but his head down. His head started to move, right, left, even to the back but his eyes were closed. Mijung could sense that his sleep was in uncomfortable position. So, she pulled his neck and placed his head on her left shoulder. He wasn’t disturbed and continued to sleep.

Mijung? She had another sip of her beer and stared at the sea. As if nothing happened. As if the man next to her was her friend. As if she was used to treat people like this.

She never did, cause she never had the chance. How could she treat people nicely when no one wanted to be her friend?

.

.

When Seungchan opened his eyes, all he saw was a left hand with some scars. It was too clear, the scars might be a week or two weeks old. His eyebrows furrowed, he never had encounter people with the same problem. All he knew, naively, it was a sign to end the life.

Then, he realized that he slept on someone’s shoulder. “Omo!’ he was shocked as lifted his head. His face showed that he had no idea why he ended up to sleep on that stranger’s shoulder. “I am sorry! I am sorry!” he said. “Why do I sleep on your shoulder? I’m sorry!” too guilty that he had no idea how to react, his hands were on his head, panicked.

Mijung smiled a bit, comforting yet mysterious. “Don’t worry. I didn’t feel things. I don’t like men, so I am not bothered.”

His mouth turned into ‘O’ shape. He didn’t expect that kind of answer. “Hnng, I-I... I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry. Your shoulder must be in pain because of my head.”

“Baek Seungchan! What are you doing there? Are you hitting on woman amidst your work?” someone was approaching and mad. He was Seungchan’s senior. Seungchan panicked. He was confused between to apologize again to the stranger or run to his senior in his not-so-awake condition. He stood up in front of Mijung, bowed his head, and said “thank you!” then ran to his senior.

It was her first ‘thank you’ from someone. No one ever did that to her. She smiled again, and emptied her can. Her escape episode this time, at least, made her interact with someone.

Although she didn’t know him, at least she knew his name.

“Thank you, Baek Seungchan...”

Chapter Text

It was lunch time, Mijung just woke up from her peacefully sleep. She always enjoyed her sleep whenever she had the vacation in Naksan. Her body rolled on the bed, then ended up staring at the ceiling. She tried to understand her body and finally she found herself in hunger.

Before, she wasn’t hungry at all. She only had some beer. The sound of waves and summer breeze had fulfilled her days. But today wasn’t, though she also skipped the breakfast that was offered by the resort. So she got up and took a bath. She had a restaurant in mind near the resort to drop by.

With the simple outfit--- a white loose tee covered by a checkered shirt and skinny jeans, she left her room. When she reached the lobby, all she found was a scene. That man, Baek Seungchan was there, scolded by senior staff. That staff used his high-pitched voice as if Seungchan’s mistake were the worst and unforgivable. Seungchan just stood there, lowering his head, but he mumbled “I’m sorry” many times.

Poor him, Mijung thought. The scene made her trembling. The loud voice triggered her for some reason. First, her abusive uncle always did that to her in the past. Second, the bully gang in her class treated her like that almost every day, in the crowd.

She saw herself in Seungchan. Back then, she wished that someone could help her. Now, everyone was just staring at him or pretended nothing happened. And her body was shaking worse when she gazed at the entire lobby. No one helped him, just like her in the past.

“I’ve tried to manage the budget,” that was the only reason he could deliver. He was told to manage the breakfast from certain catering, but failed to make sure it’s edible for the celebrities. The food was awful and he didn’t check the review first. The celebrities complained and he was targeted by his senior.

He was tired, because he should handle everything. At the same time, he couldn’t reject the seniority complex. Everyone told him that as soon as there would be another junior, he won’t be the target anymore. Three years had passed, but nothing had changed.

All he did was listen to his senior. No matter how he tried to fight back, he just couldn’t. This broadcasting station was the only one which accepted him despite his nervous trait. His family was so proud enough cause at least he worked at the place that was in line with his department during the college. Seungchan, in a nutshell, didn’t want to disappoint. He needed money too to survive and funded his younger sister.

And all he knew, there were more people who looked at him. It hurt him that no one could help him to escape from this situation. He was embarrassed.

“Seungchan-ssi, why are you here?”

The big-eyed man turned his head to the person who called him. Suddenly his senior stopped scolding him because of that person. Oh, it was that yesterday noona at the bench. Seungchan was too surprised, because of the question and also the noona herself.

“You said that you’re gonna treat me to some seafood for lunch and waited for me at the restaurant. Did you forget that? I’m ready to go.” She said, calmly, but her hands were shaking because of her lies. Yeah, she lied. She just wanted to save him from embarrassment.

“A-ah, did I talk when I slept on the bench?” he stuttered because he couldn’t remember that he promised something to her.

“Hm.” She nodded awkwardly. “I’m sorry,” Mijung looked at the senior who was jaw-dropping, but her hand reached Seungchan’s wrist and pulled him out from the lobby.

Mijung could hear that everyone was talking about her, but she didn’t care. He pulled him until the park, but not too close to the resort building. She let his wrist go, then turned her body to face him. Seungchan looked at his own wrist, the warmth he felt gone in a sudden.

“Noona, sorry...” he mumbled as lowered his head. “But... is it really seafood? Cause I don’t eat any seafood.” The man frowned since he felt that he couldn’t handle his raving. Though his head wasn’t itchy, he scratched it in frustration. “Can I change the restaurant?”

Honestly, Mijung wanted to tell him that it was a lie. However, she saw that Seungchan looked terrible. His watery eyes, dry lips, and weak body... Was he hungry? “Okay! I know bulgogi restaurant nearby! Do you like that?”

Seungchan smiled and nodded.

---

Seunchan stared at the menu list and he was confused to choose. Most of the dishes were expensive for him to pay. What more to treat that noona also? And Mijung confidently mentioned the menu she wanted and they were the expensive ones. More than a portion for herself.

‘Does she eat that much?’ Seungchan thought. “Ung, noona... I don’t know. I... don’t know what to eat.” He said. But how to say that he couldn’t pay for the dishes too?

“Oh?” Mijung nodded when the waiter took the menu book from them. “That’s okay! Cause you treat me, right? So the one who eats is me, not you.” Mijung folded her hand on her chest, then leaned on the chair. Her eyes fixed on Seungchan and smiled.

He awkwardly nodded then pursed his lips. If he counted correctly, Mijung’s dishes were twenty percent of his salary. But he was hungry too.

“May I know how long you’ve been working there?” Mijung started the conversation. Her expression was flat, not too curious as the question.

“Hm? Three.” Seungchan raised three fingers. “Three years, Noona.”

The woman nodded. “Is it fun?” her question sounded like she forgot the scene at the lobby a few minutes ago. Of course it wasn’t for him. She wondered how many times he got that treatment at the workplace.

Seungchan smiled. “My job is my family’s dream. They are so proud of me.” No. That was an awful answer. Though he smiled widely, but his eyes were lifeless. “I’m going to many places because of this job. It’s like free traveling.” He chuckled for his own reason.

He could take the positive side, she thought. Mijung nodded.

The waiter came with many dishes. They looked and smelled delicious when the waiter served them on the table. Mijung smirked when Seungchan smacked his lips. “Enjoy the food!” the waiter said and left.

“Take your spoon too, Seungchan-ssi. I ordered for us, not only myself.”

“Eh?”

“I can’t eat them alone,” Mijung smiled. “And I’m going to pay for them all.”

“Huh? But why? It was my promise to treat you.” he was confused.

“Cause I’m the Noona. Noona should pay. Let’s eat.”

Seungchan opened his mouth, still confused, but he nodded. His twenty percent salary was safe and he could eat them too. They started to eat, but Seungchan ate fast and more than Mijung. By looking at him, Mijung was full.

She forgot the last time she had a meal, but Seungchan had the worst reaction.

‘Does he properly eat?’ was the untold question.

That’s how they spent the lunch time together. No more words, too busy to eat the serve. Even after lunch, they separated. Seungchan for his work, Mijung for her quality time with some beer at the park.

---

“Noona!”

Seemingly, the bench was her favorite place. Seungchan would go back to Seoul with the bus in a few minutes. As he expected, he found that noona was sitting alone there. With a can of beer. He ran to her, with a gift box in his hand.

Surprised, she stood up. “What happened?”

He handed out the mini box to her. “I’m going back to Seoul and it’s my gift. Could you take it?”

Mijung didn’t take it, but she looked at the box. She never received any gifts in her life. “For me?”

The man nodded happily. “You lend your shoulder and buy me food. This gift isn't as big as your kindness. It’s just... my thank you stuff.”

She hummed, then took the gift. “But I cannot give you the gift.”

“That’s okay!” He adjusted his backpack just to feel less awkward, “We might never see each other again. Thank you very much for your kindness, Noona.”

Hearing that made her feel bitter. But the thing was that happiness usually comes shorter than any pain.

“Good bye!” he waved, then turned his body. He felt sad too. That noona seemed like a good buddy. How he wished he had a buddy like her in the workplace.

“Seungchan-ssi!”

He stopped his step and faced her. That noona walked to him and said, “I wanna say something and I think you should remember this.”

“What?” he blinked.

“You must be... proud of yourself too.”

Her words triggered his tears. His eyes were getting hotter because he couldn’t deny that it’s hard for him to be proud of himself. Everyone blamed him for something he never did and it made him guilty every time.

“I... I will remember that.” Both of his palms lifted and waved. “Thank you and bye!” he ran with the tears rolling on his cheek.

No one told him that. No one reminded him like that. He was lost for too long.

Mijung sat on her favorite bench and looked at the box. She opened it and found out that it was a black wristband and a letter. Why did he give her that?

“Noona, I don’t know your name until I write this letter. I don’t ask you either because I am afraid the question will bother you. My name is Baek Seungchan and you can call me 01055578590. I am not smart, but I can listen well. Don’t be alone. If you have the urge to do ‘that’, please wear the wristband to prevent it. Nice person should live longer. And you are one of them.”

Mijung was shaking. She couldn’t hold her tears. After a very long time, she cried.

No one told her that. No one reminded her like that. She was lost for too long.

Chapter Text

It was a very hard life for Seungchan, but he didn't have chance to complain. No one listened to him, no one cared his feeling, and no one would comfort him.

He worked over-time, just because there were other people's responsibilities that his workmates threw at him. He couldn't say "NO" or else his mates won't let him join to out-of-town project. He was bored over office work, that's why he was so eager to do anything for the sake of it without spending much money.

Seungchan was aware that his environment was so toxic with seniority, but to think that none of other broadcasting stations who called him after he applied the job was scarier. He needed money for his family, especially his sister who was now in university.

Another day for Seungchan, another day to struggle. He sometimes got task to take documents, meeting with some people, or simply making some coffee.

It was Saturday, he didn't have any plans. He still went to the office because his senior, Lee Gichul called him to re-arrange some documents. He received some money in an envelope and Seungchan couldn't be happier. A wide smile appeared on his face and he bowed. He usually treated himself, buying some steak or snacks for weekend.

When Seungchan was on driving seat, there was a text message from a new number. His brows furrowed cause as far as he remembered, he didn't give his number to anyone. He opened the text and his eyes widened to read it.

"Seungchan-ssi, this is Park Mijung, nuna at Naksan Beach. Could you help me? Seogang-ro Nogosan-dong, next to Grand Mart. Access: MJ057  3rd floor 16 key: 150819"

It was a call.

---

For Mijung, having no one in her life was much better than surrounded by people who made her stressed. No more pressure. However, the pain in the past sometimes was too much for her. Unbearable.

She used to live with her uncle and aunt, since her dad left him when she was 5. Her mother? She passed Mijung to her sister when Mijung was 10 and now she was nowhere to be found even after 17 years.

Mijung grew as someone who never shared anything to anyone. That's how her aunt torture her physically and threat her to never tell anyone. As quiet type person, she didn't have friends at school. She also pushed the friends who wanted to know her, simply because she wanted to hid the bruises in her body.

The worst thing was her silence made some of her friends bullied her. Too many people she needed to fight back and it made her weak. At home, at school, all people seemed love to make her cry in pain until she thought that a lonely deserved that treatment.

She thought that may be, one day, she was just a deceased body found in her own studio by the police and apartment owner. 

She had no goal in life. She was also unable to see herself when the lowest point of her came again. Mijung was convinced that universe won't be in tragedy just because it lost her.

Mijung was at it again. Numb. Empty. Narrow.

She looked at her own left arm, and annoyed that she was still unable to feel things. There were many scars already but she didn't feel the pain. 

Should I make it there? Now?

She kept looking at her wrist. She had texted Seungchan, the adorable man she met at the Naksan Beach. She thought that maybe, maybe it was him, who would find her mess for the first time. But if he didn't...

That was okay.

The water from the tap started to fill the tub. She sat there, smiling faintly. Her mind was messed up and cried, the fact that she had no one to talk to. She didn't want to end up like this, but she also wanted to feel something again. To live.

Suddenly, she looked at the bathroom door. Someone opened it roughly and was panting hard, with a worried and frightened eyes.

It was him, the innocent man.

"Seungchan..." she muttered.

Seungchan didn't say anything. He kneeled next to the tub, then pulled her into his hug. "No, please. I am coming." he whispered. His hug was getting tighter cause she wasn't like the nuna he met at the beach six months ago. Her hair was longer, her face was too pale, but the worst was she looked terrible.

In Mijung's life... No one came into her day. No one dared to approach her. No one wanted to talk with her. No one cared to save her.

"I am here." Seungchan was trembling because he never experienced this in his life. His life was also messed up with toxicity in his own family, but never to think to end the life.

He wasn't bothered by the blood smell in the tub which diluted with the water. In his hug, Mijung was shaking hard and crying.

"Seungchan, I am numb," she muttered between her sob. "I can't feel the pain anymore."

That's how universe unite two lonely dots in this world. Both of them were struggling in their own battle; one with her traumatic past, one with his toxic present.