Work Text:
Dear Odasaku,
Hey. I know it hasn't been all that long since I wrote to you last, but a couple things happened and I thought you should know. First of all, big surprise, I tried to kill myself again. Tried drowning one more time, but it didn't work as usual. I just passed out and woke up on the bank. Guess someone dragged me out of the water and left me. Didn't even wait to ask if I was okay. They probably assumed I was dead already. But hey that's kinda new I guess. Oh, I saw a cool fish under the water though! It was silver and blue and moved really fast. I saw it right before I passed out. I'm surprised I remember that actually. Then again I don’t know how long I was out...
Look... here's the thing. I did have a point to this letter. I know I don't usually, but there's something I needed to tell you, and I was getting off track. One of the reasons I tried to kill myself again was... well, I did something. I figured I might as well give suicide one more shot before everything changed. I found a job, Oda. I've been just hiding out these past couple years, you know that. I had to make sure I wasn't caught. Both sides are the same to me, yeah, but not to other people, and I didn't want to get thrown in jail before I could make some difference in their eyes. You know, I actually think I can do it. I think I can become a 'good' person, the way you wanted me to.
I'm going to try to join the Armed Detective Agency. I don't know if they'll let me in, but hey I'm giving it a shot, alright? And if they do try to turn me over to the police or whatever, I'm sure I can get out of any situation that comes up. I can kill if I need to. That's never been an issue for me. Guess I shouldn't though, huh? Not if I'm trying to be 'good'. If things don't go well, I might have to go into hiding for another few years, but I'm going to do this, dammit! I thought this was going to be easier... Oh well. I guess I'll let you know how it goes. I really am going to try, Odasaku. I'm going to be on the side that saves people. I'm going to do my best at least.
Till next time,
~Osamu Dazai
Dazai finished reading over the letter one final time, and folded it in half. With a quick glance at the clouded sky, he stepped forward and knelt in front of his old friend's grave. He briefly picked up the rose that lay there and set the letter on the small pile of other papers laid in front of the headstone. Replacing the rose on top of the letters, he reached up, tracing the initials carved into the stone. S. ODA. Dazai sighed and stood up, pushing himself to his feet. He stayed there for a while, just looking down at the grave and all the old pieces of paper. He'd placed so many by now...
After another few minutes or so, he began walking away. Where to, he couldn't say. His legs just kept him moving while his mind wandered. That had been the normal for these last couple years. He was brought out of his thoughts as he felt a raindrop splash onto his forehead. Reaching out a hand, another few drops of water fell onto it. His mind was quickly turned back to the letters on Oda's grave. Hopefully it didn't rain too hard. They could easily become a mess of paper and ink like the last few times it had stormed hard over these years.
Well, in that case, he'd just write more the way he'd done before. Clear the old letters and start placing the new ones. It certainly wasn’t as though he planned to stop writing them anytime soon.