Work Text:
There seemed to be an ever expanding pit in the bottom of her stomach, a pool of dread slowly taking up more and more space with every step she took towards her destination.
She’d somehow managed to forget about it during the school day, too busy fretting over what she’d say to Luz in the event that their paths crossed to have it take up any space in her already worry-filled mind. Should she address the obvious? Play it off and pretend it wasn’t a big deal? Questions buzzed in and buzzed out, each one asking for answers that she simply did not have.
The day, however, had seemed to take pity on the formerly green-haired witchling, throwing her head first into a truly wild frenzy of a school day. There were new units starting in nearly all of her classes, and a full day of notetaking, textbook annotations and other various classwork activities had swiftly whipped her worried mind back into razor sharp focus. She was strong, she was smart, she was Amity Blight, and she was at the top of her game. Heck, she had even managed to briefly say hi to Luz in the hallway while walking to class! She hadn’t even needed the note cards she had prepared! Sure, their meeting had only lasted a sentence or two, but they were cohesive, fully formed sentences delivered with few, if any, missteps (although the burning pink blush across her face had been a foregone conclusion, so that didn’t really count). And, considering the risk she’d taken just a few days prior? The exhilarating, and arguably foolhardy, spur-of-the-moment decision to press a quick and chaste kiss to Luz’ cheek? Quite frankly, Amity deserved a medal for bravery under fire just for managing not to melt on the spot.
And so, as she made her way out of the large iron gates that gave entrance to Hexside, Amity’s mood was high. She was confident in her understanding of the new material at school, she hadn’t made a fool of herself in front of Luz (again), and her parents had just today left for a week-long pleasure cruise on the Boiling Seas to celebrate the Emperor’s acquisition and subsequent funding of the Abomiton project. A ping from her scroll and, as Amity offhandedly summoned it, she thought to herself that yes, this was turning out to be quite a good day indeed. And then, turning her eyes to the unfurling parchment, she froze.
“CALENDAR”, the scroll notification read, and then below it:
Work 2day @ Library!! :D
Today at 3:30 PM
Ah.
Of course.
Today was supposed to be her first day back at work after she’d been caught in the Forbidden Stacks with Luz wasn’t it? Her first day back after losing, and then regaining, her job at the Bonesborough Public Library. Her first day back after disappointing one of the adults she looked up to and respected the most.
Amity screwed her eyes tightly shut and let out a long suffering groan. Titan, this was going to be just the worst , wasn’t it?
Making her way up the long stone steps leading to the library’s entrance, it seemed that there was more bottomless pit in her torso than stomach. It was as if a large, black mass of guilt and doubt had been sewn inside of her, writhing desperately as it tried to escape from its flesh-borne prison. Amity stopped upon reaching the top of the stone stairs, hesitating in front of the large wooden doors. Maybe… maybe Malphas wouldn’t be in today? She recalled several weeks ago that the Master Librarian had mentioned taking some time off, but couldn’t for the life of her remember what dates he had specified for his vacation. All Amity could do was hope that today was one of those aforementioned days as she entered the building, eyes flicking back and forth nervously as she looked for any sign of Malphas while she stepped foot into the library’s entrance hall.
…
……………
Nothing. No light from Malphas’ lantern flickering off the shelves in the distance, no lingering smoke from the cloud he sat upon, no disappointed bird boss looking down at her with sad, glowing eyes. Amity exhaled a sigh of relief as the realization set in. It hadn’t been exceedingly rational, expecting her boss to be puttering around the library’s lobby waiting to confront her, but still. Even if Malphas was somewhere within the library, he wasn’t out in plain sight and the responsibilities of the Master Librarian rarely overlapped with Amity’s day-to-day duties.
It seemed that she was in the clear! If all went well she could just slip in unnoticed and do her work for the day. Continuing into the building with spirits significantly raised, Amity idly noticed that the library seemed nearly abandoned. It was lacking the usual ambient noise of pages turning and idle, hushed chatter, and there was hardly anyone in sight. The only person she could actually see was the librarian sitting at the reception desk leisurely reading a large novel.
Oh well! A slow day at work was always better than a hectic one, Amity thought. Nearing the front desk, she wondered if it would be slow enough for her to head to her hideout and grab the fifth Azura book Luz had lent her? Maybe spend some time reading after she’d completed her work for the day? Sure, Amity had already finished the book, but in her opinion you couldn’t say you’d “read” something until you’d finished it twice.
But it seemed that the day wouldn’t, in fact, be slow enough. As she took out her (admittedly rather damaged) staff card and prepared to clock in for her shift, the librarian heading the reception desk looked up from her book and cleared her throat before speaking.
“Ah, Miss Blight? Malphas would like to see you in his office at your earliest convenience,” the librarian spoke. Amity stopped dead in her tracks, the writhing coil in her stomach that had just been beginning to relax crushing in on itself once again. The lavender-haired witch winced at the sudden interruption before turning to the librarian with an awkward smile, inwardly cursing the collapse of her plan.
“O-oh, of course! I’ll uh, I’ll head right up!” Amity replied, with the sort of excess enthusiasm one applies when trying (and failing) to conceal that one had been hoping for the exact opposite outcome.
And so, with nowhere else to go, Amity made her way towards the eastern wing of the library, passing by rows and rows of books, newspapers, and crystal balls before finally arriving at the stairwell that led directly to the Master Librarian’s office. She stood, for a second, not moving as she considered the spiral staircase in front of her. Amity had been reprimanded before, she’d experienced it time and time again at the hands of her mother and father, but she had no doubt that it would be exceedingly difficult to get through at the hands of the generally mild-mannered Malphas. The thought of the Master Librarian yelling at her like her mother did, screaming until his face was red and his throat was raw, made her want to curl up in a ball and disappear forever. But Amity knew that was unacceptable. She’d have to grin and bear it and simply let the tears fall at a later date as she always did. And so, taking one last moment to steel herself before her inevitable fate, Amity began to climb the stairs.
She took the stairs one at a time, deliberately trying to extend the process of making her way up the spiral as long as possible, but before she knew it Amity had climbed the last step and was left standing in front of the door to Malphas’ office. She took one last deep breath in preparation before stepping forward and lightly knocking her fist against the wooden door.
“Come in!” Malphas’ voice called, muffled slightly by the barrier.
Amity hesitated before moving to turn the knob, opening and closing the door with a soft click as she moved into the Master Librarian’s office. He was seated before her behind a large wooden desk, writing something on a piece of parchment with a large feathered quill that Amity morbidly realized may have come from his own body. He scratched a few more words onto the paper before setting it down and looking up at the young witch standing awkwardly in his doorway.
What Amity was met with was a genuine surprise. Instead of a scowl or a frown like she’d been expecting, Malphas’ face lit up as he saw her, his glowing eyes crinkling behind his spectacles as his resting expression swiftly turned to a smile.
“Amity!” He greeted happily. “Please, take a seat! Would you like a cup of spider-tea?”
Amity blinked in surprise before moving almost robotically to sit in the chair opposite Malphas’ desk. Her eyes roamed for a moment, desperately avoiding looking straight at the Master Librarian across from her, before fixing themselves on the wooden detailing engraved into the front of the desk. “No um,” Amity began hesitantly. “No thank you, Malphas.”
The bird-demon took stock of the witch across from him. As he took Amity in, her posture stiff as a board as she sat with her eyes downcast and fidgeted awkwardly, the smile on his face faded a little, becoming something a little more sad. “I… expect you know why I’ve called you here today?” he broached, Amity nodding softly in response.
Malphas paused before beginning. “Amity, when I found you and your companion in the Forbidden Stacks I was…” He paused again, organizing his thoughts before shaking his head. “I was furious.”
“You intentionally broke what you knew to be an incredibly important rule. You knew what you were doing was wrong, and yet you still made the decision to do it. And, in doing so,” the older man emphasized, “you betrayed the trust I had placed in you.”
It was strange, Amity thought, as Malphas’ words struck her, bouncing around within her head on loop. The Master Librarian wasn’t yelling, not even close to it, but the calm, serious delivery of his words almost seemed to cut deeper than the loudest tirades Amity’s mother had ever thrown at her. She looked up briefly, an apology forming on her lips, but as she opened her mouth to speak Malphas held up a large feathered hand to stop her.
“Please, Amity. I’m not finished.” He said firmly.
Malphas sat there quietly for a moment, looking into the middle distance before rubbing his eyes with a large feathered hand and sighing. “But,” he continued. “Then the anger faded. And once it was gone, I was just sad.”
“I was sad because, if you had come to me and said, ‘Malphas, there’s something in the Forbidden Stacks that my friend and I would like to view. It’s very important to the two of us, would you please retrieve it for us?’, do you know what I’d have said?” the Master Librarian asked, receiving a small shake of Amity’s head no in response as she continued to avoid his gaze.
“I would have said, ‘Well certainly Amity. Tell me what it is you’re looking for and I’ll go ahead and grab it for you.’” Malphas finished, the young witch across from him lowering her head even further in shame.
“But, you didn’t. You decided to take it upon yourself and break the rules. And the fact that you very clearly didn’t even think about coming to me? About asking for what you needed before taking matters into your own hands? It hurt Amity. It really really hurt.” The demon admitted.
Amity shrank in on herself even further, as if she’d finally decided that it actually wouldn’t be all that bad to curl up in a ball and disappear forever. Titan, she really hadn’t considered that had she? She’d told Luz all about how nice a person the Master Librarian was, how he’d shown her her study room and given her the job at the library. But she truly hadn’t even thought about doing something so simple as asking him for help? What kind of pupil, no, what kind of friend does that?
Amity sniffed, tears welling at the corners of her eyes as she contemplated Malphas’ words.
“Amity,” the man spoke softly. “Look at me? Please?”
She took a second, before slowly lifting her head and peeking up at the Master Librarian, again being met with those same kind eyes and soft, sad smile. “I need you to understand,” he started gently, “That I’m not saying all these things to be cruel, or to make you feel worse about yourself. But I also need it to be very, very clear how your actions made me feel. Can you understand that?” Malphas asked.
Amity let her eyes fall once more before nodding. “I-,” she started before stopping and taking a shuddery breath. “I understand, Malphas.” she finished.
The bird-demon nodded, a relieved look crossing his face. “Good,” he said. “I’m glad that you understand. And now, with all that said, I’d like to apologize.”
Amity’s head shot up, looking for the first time directly at the Master Librarian across from her. “W-what?” she asked, bewildered. That didn’t make any sense! Her parents had never, not even once apologized to her! Lilith herself hadn’t even apologized after the ordeal with the witch’s duel at the Covention, so why in the world would Malphas? Especially when she had been the one to mess up? “A-apologize? But you didn’t do anything wrong!” she exclaimed.
But Malphas simply shook his head. “No, Amity, I did.”
“When your companion, Luz, returned to the library to convince me to rehire you, I was still very upset. I wasn’t thinking straight.” the older man admitted. “And, while I wasn’t thinking straight, I gave your friend some menial tasks to do. I told her that if she were to complete some various jobs around the library I would give you your job back.” Malphas paused, brow furrowing. “Except for the Paper Dragon. That one was... borne more out of necessity.” He finished with a wince.
“But, unfortunate lapses in dungeon security aside, I realized something while she was performing those tasks. I realized that what I was doing wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to Luz, to burden her with an issue that, in reality, was a personal matter between you and I. And, it wasn’t fair to you either, for me to try and deal with that personal matter through a third party. And for that Amity, I truly am sorry.” Malphas finished. He paused again, exhaling heavily through his beak. “But,” he said soberly. “The fact remains. I can’t offer you your job back Amity, not based on the promise I made several nights ago. Not when I can’t trust you.”
Amity, who had been listening in confused but rapt attention, felt her blood run cold. That dark, swirling mass present in her stomach surged, rising up through her body and into her throat, suffocating her. She couldn’t breathe. The air was too thin, the collar of her dress too tight. Even Malphas’ presence felt too oppressive, as if the Master Librarian’s gaze was sucking the oxygen straight out of her lungs. The tightness in her chest, the stinging of the unshed tears in her eyes, the feedback loop screaming blame and accusation in her mind, it was all just too much too much TOO MUCH.
She began to tremble, her body jittering so obviously in the chair that in any other context it might have been comical, but it certainly wasn’t funny here.
And then.
Amity began to sob.
They were hard, racking sobs, muted only by the years of experience that comes with being told to be quiet time and time again. But quiet as they were, there was no mistaking the heaving of her shoulders or the shaking of her hands as she fisted them tightly in her lap, or the tears streaming down her face.
Titan, was this just how it was going to be? Disappointing every important figure in her life until the consequences caught up and she was left a broken, sobbing mess in front of them? Worse yet, is that what she deserved?
She... she had to get out of here. She couldn’t stay, it didn’t matter where she went but Amity knew that she just couldn’t stay. She moved to stand, fully intending to bolt from the room, but before she could even move Malphas was before her. The Master Librarian moved with a speed she had never seen the older man display, his floating transport zipping around his desk before swiftly lowering itself until its operator was at eye level to the lavender-haired girl. The Master Librarian spoke, alarm in his voice as he addressed her. “Amity, look at me.” He urged, before repeating himself. “Amity, please, look at me.”
He thought, for a moment, that the sobbing witch in front of him was too overwhelmed to have even heard him, but just as he considered repeating himself again she moved. Amity’s panic showed no sign of slowing, her eyes glassy as tears streamed from them, but she was looking up now, and that was a start at least.
Malphas spoke softly and slowly. “Amity,” he said. “I need you to breathe, dear. Just in and out. Deep breaths, in and out. Can you do that for me? Please?”
Amity shook her head frantically, hands moving to her head and grasping her hair in a way Malphas knew had to be painful. The message was clear, the witch was still too deep in her panic to be responsive. Malphas knew better to reach out and touch her then, no matter his positive intentions it would undoubtedly make the young witch’s spiraling much, much worse. But he had to keep trying, he couldn’t just sit here and leave Amity to her own devices.
“In and out Amity.” He continued. “That’s all you have to do. Just take a breath in,” he paused, demonstrating an even breath in through his nose, “And out.” Malphas finished, exhaling slowly through his open beak. There were a few more tense, silent seconds before Amity let out a strangled gasp, desperately trying to mimic the Master Librarian and supply oxygen to her lungs. It wasn’t nearly as effective a calming measure as Malphas’ steady breath, but it was still progress. “Good!” He said softly, smiling reassuringly at the shaking girl. “Here, follow along with me. In.” He demonstrated again. “And out. In. And out.”
It only took a few moments for Amity to find her own rhythm with the breaths, setting a slow and steady pace of her own accord. It took much longer, however, for her hands to relax their grip and slowly return to their position in her lap, where they remained shaking. The tears weren’t gone, not yet, but they were slowing, and with every breath in and breath out Amity was returning more and more to the land of conscious thought. Her eyes, which had at one point returned to facing downwards, moved up again to look at the Master Librarian watching her with a careful expression. The air caught in her throat for a moment before she let it go with a shudder and softly sobbed.
“W-why?”
The word meant so much. Why had Malphas called her here? Why had he told Luz he’d given Amity her job back if he hadn’t meant it? Why was he making her feel this way, why was he being so cruel?
Malphas seemed to understand the weight the question carried, the concern on his face mixing with kindness. “Because Amity. This,” he indicated, gesturing between the two of them. “This is how I can learn to trust you again. This is how you get your job back.”
The Master Librarian sat back, settling into an easier position on his floating book. “You’re a good kid, Amity.” He said, closing his eyes and nodding his head as if in agreement with what he’d just said. “A good kid who made a mistake.”
“But,” he continued, glowing yellow eyes opening to peer at Amity intently through his half-moon glasses. “Someday very, very soon you’re going to wake up and find that you aren’t a kid anymore. You’ll be a young woman moving into a very big world. And you’ll come to find that when you make a mistake as a young woman, or even as an adult, the way you deal with that mistake means a whole lot more.”
Malphas paused, considering his next words. “And how you deal with a mistake, Amity, whether it be yours or someone else’s, is everything. The way you deal with that accountability, how you handle it and how you take it to heart, it...”
He struggled briefly, trying to find just the right words. “It… it defines who you are, Amity. It truly does.”
Malphas thought for a moment, choosing his next words delicately. “I meant what I said earlier. I can’t give you your job back based on the deal I made with your friend Luz. But what I can do is give you your job back based on you, based on who you are. If you can take this experience, Amity, and truly acknowledge it, truly understand it, and, most importantly, truly learn from it? Then I can give you your job back, and I can do it without having any doubts in my mind. Do you understand what I mean?” He asked hopefully.
The tears on Amity’s face hadn’t dried just yet, but they weren’t actively flowing either. She looked down at her hands as she thought about what Malphas had said. The Master Librarian wasn’t trying to be mean, to hold her job over her head like a cruel prank. He was… trying to help her? Providing a lesson on how to take accountability, to be responsible outside of just following the rules? That was… wow that was a lot. It wasn’t something Amity had really any practice in. Titan, it was only just recently that she’d started to admit that she made mistakes in the first place!
But… that’s what Amity wanted, wasn’t it? She’d hated who she was before Luz had come into her life and helped jump start her growth as a person. But she was finally being given a chance to be something besides the “golden child”, and she was loving every second of it, no matter how difficult it was at times. Amity didn’t need to be perfect, Titan, she didn’t want to be perfect! She wanted to be better.
And here Malphas was, hand outstretched to her, saying ‘I get it. It’s tough. But we both want the same thing, so let me help you make your way.’ But, did she really think she had it in her to accept that help? And, on the other hand, did Amity really think she had it in her to let this opportunity pass?
No. No, this was too valuable a moment to let slip away. Amity raised her hands, wiping what remained of the tears from her eyes and looked up. She took another deep breath, cleared her throat, and began to speak.
“You're… You’re right, Malphas. About everything. I should have come to you for help when I needed it, but... you’re right. I didn’t think. I was so caught up in trying to help Luz that it... it didn’t even occur to me.”
Amity’s lip began to tremble, voice full of emotion as she continued on. “I’m sorry that I went into the Stacks without your permission. I’m sorry that I betrayed your trust. And I’m sorry that,” her voice caught in her throat. She took a moment to try and blink away the beginning of new tears before starting again.
“I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings.” Amity said, her voice barely above a whisper.
There was a moment, a much needed one, where neither of them spoke. Amity, looking down again as she waited for Malphas’ response, and Malphas looking thoughtfully in return.
But a moment is only a moment, and moments are known to pass.
Malphas nodded his head in approval before speaking. “Amity,” he started, waiting until the girl’s eyes were back on him. “I forgive you.” He finished simply, as if the words didn’t hold the weight of the world upon them.
Amity stared for a second, sniffling as she once again wiped tears from her eyes. “Y-you do?” she asked hesitantly.
“I do.” Malphas reassured. “And,” he continued. “More than that, Amity, I am so, so proud of you for taking responsibility for your mistake and working to fix it. That’s an incredibly hard thing to try and do.”
He was… he was proud? Proud… of her? Titan, that was… that was a really nice thing to hear, Amity thought. It certainly wasn’t the only time that she’d been told she had made someone proud, but it felt like it was the first time where someone had genuinely meant it with all their heart. “Thank you, Malphas.” Amity spoke softly, a small, bashful smile on her face as she looked back down at her lap. “That really means a lot.”
“You’re very welcome, dear.” Malphas replied, his floating tome rising and carrying him back to his seat behind his desk. “And, with all that said,” the Master Librarian began, opening one of the desk’s many drawers and rooting through it. “I believe this belongs to you.” He finished, outstretching his hand out towards Amity, a new staff card and lanyard resting in his large, feathered palm.
The young witch took it gingerly, taking a long look at the I.D. before moving to affix the necklace around her neck, grinning all the while. Malphas smiled back briefly before quickly swirling his fingers, drawing a spell circle in the air. Amity’s old I.D., battered and burned and torn in at least a few places, floated out of her dress pocket and into the Master Librarian’s hands. Another twirl of his hand and the damaged card quickly burst into flame, reduced to a pile of ash on the desk.
At Amity’s confused expression, Malphas explained. “Can’t have any extras lying around.” He stated simply. “Titan knows what those siblings of yours would do if they had enough material to make a counterfeit.” He finished with a shudder.
Amity let out a small chuckle. “Probably for the best.” She agreed. Having the twins causing trouble in the library was bad enough, but the two of them causing mischief with staff access? That was a thought almost too scary to even consider.
But speaking of staff access…
“Oh, um, Malphas?” Amity began tentatively. “What would you like me to do? Today, I mean, since you’ve given me my job back and oh my Titan I haven’t thanked you for that yet!” Amity’s eyes widened before the words began to spill out of her mouth. “It really means a lot to me thank you so much for giving me a second chance I really love this job and I swear I won’t disappoint you again!” She spoke in a rush, the words practically falling over each other on their way out.
Malphas simply chuckled, waving a hand in response. “You’re very welcome, Amity. I’ll be glad to have you back. As for today’s work…” He trailed off, his expression turning sheepish. “You can actually, uh, head home for the day. I don't have any work for you to do.” The Master Librarian admitted.
Amity blinked in surprise. “You don’t?” She asked curiously.
“No, I don’t.” Malphas said, moving to scratch the back of his head as he did. “I’m sure you noticed how little people were in the library on your way in? The, uh, the Paper Dragon caused some fairly serious damage during its attempted escape. Cracked a couple support beams, burst a few water pipes, tore up the floor a bit in some of the sections. Nothing dangerous, of course! It’s totally safe for us to be in the building.” He assured, before frowning, a vacant look overtaking his glowing eyes. “But, yeah that whole experience admittedly was… it wasn’t great.”
The vacant look remained for a few seconds, the Master Librarian seemingly staring off at nothing before blinking several times and clearing his throat. “Regardless, we’re, uh, we’re waiting for the Construction Coven to finish up repairs before opening back up to the general public.” Malphas concluded.
Amity considered the elder demon’s words before speaking. “Alright, so I guess I’ll just…?” she said, motioning over her shoulder with her thumb and a questioning look in her eye. Malphas chuckled sheepishly. “I do apologize for that, Amity, but yes. Come back in at the end of the week ok? Everything should be fixed by then and I’ll be ready to put you right back to work.” He said with a smile, willing his floating book to move from behind his desk as he walked Amity out, opening the office door for the young witch.
Amity smiled at the man, nodding her head. “Ok Malphas, that sounds good. And… Thank you. For everything.” She finished softly.
The Master Librarian smiled and nodded in response. “Of course, Amity. Still friends?” He asked hopefully, and received another nod in return. “Yeah.” Amity said with a smile, turning to head out the door. “Still friends.”
Her smile faltered for an instant, though, and she turned back to the bird demon. Very deliberately looking at the floor, she spoke again, voice much less confident. “Malphas, do you think… could I, I mean, would it be alright to…” Amity trailed off, gesturing vaguely between the two of them. Malphas’ brow furrowed in confusion for an instant before it seemed to click and he beamed at the young witch in front of him. “Certainly, Amity.” He said, spreading his feathered arms as the lavender-haired girl rushed forward for a hug.
It was, to be honest, a fantastic hug. Luz always gave great hugs too but this was… different, somehow. A good different, Amity thought as she pulled back. Her cheeks were burning a bit from embarrassment, but it was a low burn, hardly noticeable to any outside observers. Still, the moment right after a hug was over was always incredibly awkward, Amity knew from experience. “I’ll, um, I’ll see you Friday, Malphas.” Amity said, swiftly taking her leave from the office as the Master Librarian watched her go with a smile on his face.
And as Amity made her way down the long spiral stairs, she realized that, yes, that had been hard. But it certainly hadn’t been the worst , had it? Maybe… maybe it had even been for the best.