Archive of Our Own

If there was one thing Bin was good at, it was rejecting love confessions.

He did so in the nicest way possible. He never once belittled the girl who confessed. He never once mocked them or laughed at them. He let them down easily and explained himself the best he could, even as the girl would stand there with quivering lips and trembling hands.

“I’m flattered,” he would say, “but I don’t think a girl as pretty as yourself should be with me .”

Or, sometimes he would even direct the girl off to another guy, usually a classmate who pined after the girl from afar. Indeed, Bin had been a matchmaker for more than a couple relationships in school, and so the girls were never too put off by Bin’s rejection if it meant they could find someone meant for them.

Myungjun watched all of this with a curious gaze and a thumping heart. With each rejection, he could relax, but he was still always alert. There was usually some other girl who would try her luck with Bin, some other girl who could offer him so much if he would just say yes .

But Bin never said yes. Bin only said no .

“That’s your third one this month,” Myungjun stated after yet another skillful rejection. He had been holding Bin’s bottle of apple juice all the while, and he dutifully passed it back when Bin took a seat at his desk. “I think that’s a new record.”

Bin sighed loudly and sipped at his juice for a few seconds before saying, “I told her she should try Dongmin.”

“Oh. Ouch.” 

“I know. I’ve gotten a bit rusty with matchmaking.”

“Dongmin will never say yes, either. I swear, the two of you are battling it out for most rejections.” Myungjun, having already finished off his own juice, turned back to his food. “I think you’re in the lead, though. You at least meet with those girls; Dongmin just pretends they don’t exist.”

“He’s an asshole, isn’t he?” Bin asked, his voice a bit too fond for Myungjun’s comfort. He couldn’t complain, though. Dongmin and Bin were in the same year, and they were neighbors. They had gotten very close and it was a bit distressing sometimes. However, Dongmin had made it clear that he didn’t want to date anyone, especially not some “muscle-headed buffoon like Bin.”

His words, not Myungjun’s.

Myungjun had many words to describe Bin, and not all of them were insults. While he agreed that Bin could sometimes be a buffoon, he had long-since realized that Bin could also be an angel. A saint. A god in disguise. The most beautiful and perfect man in the entire universe, brought down from the heavens to offer Myungjun’s pitiful life some sort of joy and happiness.

Someone so out of his reach that it was almost ridiculous.

Scratch that -- it was ridiculous.

Myungjun had loved Bin since the fourth grade. They had grown up together; their mothers were close and so Myungjun, two years Bin’s senior, was often stuck playing with him when their mothers hung out. Myungjun liked playing with Bin, though. His own brother was much, much older and had no time for childish games. Bin was young, energetic, and enthusiastic. He wanted to play whatever Myungjun wanted to play, and he would take on any role to make their games more authentic. When Myungjun went to school, Bin would wait for him. He would stay quiet as Myungjun completed his homework, and sometimes, if the homework was particularly difficult, Bin would bring him some bugs as a token of good luck.

Myungjun never really had the heart to tell Bin he was terrified of bugs, and so he just would ask, in a shaky voice, “Great, can you go put them over there, Binnie?”

Nowadays, Bin only dangled bugs in front of Myungjun if he was feeling mischievous, and since Bin was taller and stronger, Myungjun had no qualms with punching him in the stomach.

He wasn’t sure how, exactly, his romantic feelings for Bin came about, though. It must have been something he had ignored, something he squashed down until the emotions were too much, until he was overtaken with love . He loved the way Bin would tap at his window in the middle of the night. He loved the way Bin would steal food off his plate. He loved the way Bin would pick him up as if he weighed nothing and carry him around town.

He adored every inch of Bin.

So he also loved the way Bin gently let those girls down. He would definitely prefer a more bold approach, perhaps with Bin declaring to everyone that he loved Myungjun and only Myungjun, but for the time being, he would take what he could get.

Bin had to go back to his homeroom after the lunch break, and Myungjun spent the rest of the day sneakily sending Bin texts here and there, and dodging Jinwoo’s incessant requests to help plan something for the school festival.

“I was thinking of performing a dance,” Jinwoo said, “possibly with Minhyuk and Bin, since they’re both really good dancers. You could sing for us, if you want.”

“You guys only dance hip-hop,” Myungjun complained. “That doesn’t really require much singing, and my voice isn’t husky enough for that, anyway.”

Jinwoo pondered that shortly, then nodded his head in agreement. “True,” he said. “You do sound a little...nasally. A bit childish.”

“Wow.”

“No offense.”

“How on earth could I ever take offense to that?” Myungjun muttered. He stood from his chair and grabbed his backpack. He was thankful it was the end of the day, but he still had to go to his study sessions, and those were without Bin. Only the promise of a late-night gaming session with Bin would get him through studying.

Jinwoo followed him. “Okay, then, you don’t have to join in with us on stage. Have you thought about, I dunno, doing a song for yourself? Singing a bit? Impressing the audience with your voice?”

“One moment you insult my voice and the next you want me to sing?” Myungjun snorted, continuing to walk. Jinwoo could keep up. Jinwoo always matched his stride. 

“I said your voice wasn’t good for hip-hop , but it’s good for a lot of other stuff. You could do a ballad. Or trot, I know you like trot music.”

Myungjun shook his head. “Nope. I’m not getting up on stage.” He was far too shy for that. The stage was daunting. He had once entered a school talent show, back when he was a first-year, and that had been tragic. He had stumbled through his song and his voice had cracked more than once. In the end, he had run off in fear and cried all night on Bin’s bed as his best friend held him and smoothed down his hair and promised, in all his prepubescent might, that he would track down anyone who laughed and make their lives a living hell.

Well, he hadn’t done that, but mostly because Myungjun couldn’t remember any names. If Bin knew now who had laughed, he probably would beat them up. It wouldn’t be the first time he had punched some bully’s face.

Jinwoo whined. “Myungjun! Come on, it’ll be so much better if you’re there!”

“Why do you want me so bad? You’ll have your dancing troupe, and with Minhyuk there, you guys will crush the competition. Besides, Minhyuk can sing, too. I’ve definitely heard him sing.”

“He’s too shy to sing.”

“Well, that makes two of us.”

“Are you really not going to do anything?”

Myunjun stopped in his tracks and spun around. Jinwoo nearly collided with him, but he caught himself at the last second.

“Seriously,” Myungjun fussed, “Why does it matter so much to you? You’re acting a bit suspicious.”

Jinwoo wasn’t good at keeping things bottled up, and so all it took was a bit more staring for him to break. “God, fine. I’m in charge of planning things this year. I managed to win the seat over Dongmin somehow, and I’m trying to prove myself.”

Dongmin had always been the de facto president of the student festival. He worked closely with the faculty and other students and clubs to make sure things ran smoothly. Everything was usually organized perfectly. How he had been unseated, Myungjun did not know. He wasn’t part of the student council.

“Isn’t he president of the entire student council?” Myungjun asked in awe. “How’d you get that spot?”

“I just asked!” Jinwoo exclaimed, looking a bit frantic. “And the vice-president seemed relieved to put someone else in charge. She said that she couldn’t handle Dongmin’s obsessive attitude anymore, so...so now I’m president of the festival.”

Myungjun could just imagine the look on Dongmin’s face upon learning that he was no longer in charge. Dongmin was nice enough, but he was always so wound up and ready to explode at any moment. Myungjun wondered if this had been it , the moment that finally brought Dongmin down.

He had to ask.

“Is Dongmin alright?”

“I think he’ll murder me,” Jinwoo responded, and he actually looked frightened.

“He probably will,” Myungjun agreed. Dongmin was liable to become a murderer at any moment, and he would likely start with Jinwoo. After all, Jinwoo was the one who somehow managed to take over the planning for the student festival.

Jinwoo moaned and ran a hand down his face. Then, just as suddenly as his despair had washed over him, so too did determination.

“It’s fine,” he assured Myungjun, though Myungjun was certain he was just assuring himself. “It’ll turn out fine. I’ll do fantastic and then Dongmin can’t murder me if I do so well.”

“I think that’ll make him more liable to murder you.”

“So you’re saying I should ruin it?”

Myungjun knew he ought to say no. Myungjun knew better than to convince Jinwoo to ruin things . It was a bad idea and it would sour the experience of many third-year students, students who were so close to finishing school and likely wanted to enjoy one last festival.

But he was sadistic.

“You know what?” he murmured, “I think ruining the festival is actually the way to go.”

Jinwoo scoffed. Myungjun wasn’t sure if he was taking the suggestion seriously or not.

“If we really want to ruin it, then you should probably do a cover of our hip-hop song choice,” Jinwoo pointed out.

Myungjun swiped at him and Jinwoo giggled manically as he dodged the attack. He deserved much more than a simple swipe, though, and so Myungjun prepared himself to give Jinwoo the beat-down of the century, but Bin’s voice stopped him in his tracks.

“Myungjun!” Bin called out, and Myungjun glanced up to see Bin waving wildly. He looked so adorable in his school uniform, with large glasses and a dorky smile. Myungjun’s heart fluttered and he waved back shyly.

Jinwoo scoffed for a second time. “You’re so obvious,” he mumbled.

Myungjun spun around, kicked him hard, and then scurried off to join his best friend. He could hear Jinwoo’s moans as he held onto his ruined leg, but Myungjun couldn’t care less. He needed to shut Jinwoo up somehow, after all.

“Hey!” he greeted Bin, a bit breathless after running to his side. “What’s up?”

“Did...did you just kick Jinwoo?” Bin asked, his gaze solely on the older boy, who was beginning to limp off.

Myungjun shrugged his shoulders. “He had it coming, you know that.”

“Jinwoo’s nice!”

“He’s an idiot. What’s up, though?”

Bin pouted for a few seconds. He always seemed to look up to Jinwoo. He mentioned once to Myungjun that Jinwoo seemed so mature for his age, so kind and gentle and caring, too. Myungjun had then taken it upon himself to remind Bin that Jinwoo was actually a moron who couldn’t handle roller coasters.

He didn’t really like Bin pining after mutual friends.

But Bin didn’t ponder much on the situation with Jinwoo. He seemed to accept it for what it was, and then quickly moved on.

“Can I come with you to your study session tonight?”

“It’s for third-years,” Myungjun said, though what he truly wanted to say was yes, yes, god, please, yes .

“I’ll just sit around and do my own studying! Promise!”

Myungjun wouldn’t get any studying done if Bin was nearby. He couldn’t allow that. He had to get good grades and graduate and move on to pine after some other unattainable hottie.

“I doubt my classmates will let you,” Myungjun murmured, patting Bin on the back. “But you know if it was up to me then I wouldn’t mind.”

“Yeah,” Bin sighed. “I just thought...we don’t get a chance to hang out much since you’re busy studying for university entrance exams. Even on the weekends you’re busy studying!” He laughed a little. “My mom always says I should be as studious as you are.”

His voice was soft and Myungjun felt like melting right onto the pavement. Was it possible for bodies to liquify suddenly? His might.

“We eat lunch together,” he offered, a bit pitifully. 

Bin was still pouting. Myungjun didn’t really like seeing such an expression on Bin’s face, and so he cleared his throat and looked away, trying to think about what he could do to remedy the situation.

He couldn’t skip the study session. He also couldn’t afford to not study on the weekends. Lunch was too short to really talk much.

“How about,” he muttered, “you come over to my house tonight?”

That perked Bin up. “Really?”

“Yeah. I might lose some sleep, but yeah. Come over and we’ll play some video games or watch a dumb drama or something.”

“You’ll fall asleep,” Bin teased. “You always do.”

“I’m not good at staying up that late!” Myungjun laughed. “I’m older than you, Bin, and this old body needs rest!”

Bin snorted. He poked Myungjun’s side, causing Myungjun to flinch away. “Fine, fine,” Bin concurred. “You get your rest. I’ll still come to play video games, though.”

“That’s fine.” It was more than fine. That meant he could cuddle into Bin’s side and watch his best friend and fall asleep on his warm shoulder. It was his favorite position to sleep in.

If he could convince Bin to stay the night, that would be even better. Waking up and seeing Bin’s face first thing in the morning--

Myungjun coughed and did his best to hide his blushing cheeks by saying, “I should get going. S-See you tonight?”

Bin grinned -- that stupid, shit-eating grin -- and nodded his head. “Yup! See you tonight!”

Myungjun wanted to melt in the sun. He wanted to become sticky goo on the sidewalk. Maybe then his heart would stop fluttering so much.

The only thing stopping Myungjun from bashing his head against his desk was Bin’s watchful gaze. He refrained from harming himself and instead threw his textbook against the wall. It landed with a loud thud and probably created a small dent, but Myungjun didn’t care. It was the only way he could think of to release all of his pent-up anger, short of screaming, but he didn’t dare scream with Bin so close to him. He couldn’t harm Bin’s eardrums. Bin was too pure to have ruined eardrums at such a young age.

“Hey,” Bin murmured. “Don’t toss that.”

Myungjun took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. “I don’t get it! ” he finally managed to say, though the words escaped through a clenched jaw. “What the fuck am I doing wrong?”

Bin gazed over at Myungjun’s mock-test scores. “It’s not a bad score,” he admitted. “You’re in the top, at least.”

“The top thirty percent, ” Myungjun grounded out. He was still angry and still destructive, so he snatched up a pencil and snapped it in two. He had to use both hands; he had seen Bin before use one hand. God, Bin was so strong and tough.

And Bin never cried over grades. 

“Top thirty is good .”

“It’s not perfect! ” Myungjun exclaimed, and he finally crumbled up that stupid mock-test, ignoring Bin’s pleas of don’t do that, you need it! “I need to get a perfect score! And I’m messing up on the stupidest shit!”

“You’re just messing up in math,” Bin pointed out. “And I feel like a perfect score is near impossible. Even Dongmin doesn’t get--”

“Don’t talk to me about Dongmin! ” Myungjun snarled, refusing to glance over at his best friend. “I don’t want to hear about him.” Not only did Dongmin consistently get the highest scores in the entire school, he was also ridiculously intelligent and attractive and Bin seemed to like Dongmin far too much. Myungjun didn’t need to hear it. Myungjun didn’t want Dongmin’s perfection rubbed in his face, not when he was so angry he could feel himself readying to explode.

He felt something warm on his back suddenly, and he tensed. Bin’s hand rubbed little circles around his shoulder blades, then around the curve of his spine. Myungjun cherished such a feeling.

If he got mad more often, maybe then Bin would touch him more often.

Eh, who was he kidding? Bin was a touchy person. Myungjun wondered if he touched Dongmin in a similar manner. Myungjun also wondered if he touched Dongmin in a more intimate manner.

He lurched forward and buried his face into his hands. His cheeks were hot and his eyes were feeling with unwanted tears. Why was he about to cry? Was it because Bin was kind and wonderful? Was it because he hated his grades? Was it just life?

“Myungjun,” Bin whispered, his voice cracking a bit as it always had done. “You’re doing great. You don’t need to be perfect , though. No one can ever be perfect .”

“They wouldn’t give out 100’s if they didn’t exist,” Myungjun pointed out. He sniffled a bit, hopeful that Bin didn’t hear the sound. 

“Okay, but I bet people who get those 100’s are imperfect at everything else in life,” Bin continued. “I mean, look at Dongmin.”

“Shut up about Dongmin.”

“But he’s such an idiot! He’s pissed off because Jinwoo’s planning the festival. He kicked over one girl’s binder yesterday, did you know that? I mean, he apologized, but still . He’s got anger issues. I wouldn’t call that perfect .”

“I just hurled my textbook into the fucking wall,” Myungjun pointed out.

“Yes, but it was your textbook. When you get mad, you don’t hurt other people. You don’t inconvenience them. You’re always still pleasant to be around.” Bin laughed a little bit, his hand patting Myungjun’s back. “You have the perfect opportunity to punch me in the face for annoying you when you’re mad, but you won’t do it because you’re too nice.”

Myungjun sniffed again. “I will,” he swore. “I will do it if you keep trying to comfort me when all I want to do is scream.”

“You can scream. I’m not stopping you.”

Myungjun took a deep breath, but the scream never came. Bin’s hand seemed to be sucking the anger out of Myungjun’s body. He quite liked the feeling of calm that was beginning to wash over him.

He lifted his face from his hands and glanced over at Bin, who offered Myungjun a soft smile.

“Hey,” Bin greeted. “You shouldn’t hide your face from me.”

“I was about to cry.” Myungjun wiped at his eyes. “God, I was about to cry. I’m such a moron.”

“Nah. It’s fine to cry. You’re frustrated. You’re alright.” Bin removed his hand, much to Myungjun’s disappointment. “You can cry in front of me, just as you can scream in front of me. Whatever you choose to do, I won’t mind.”

“How come…” Myungjun sighed and looked away. Bin cocked his head curiously, as if awaiting the rest of Myungjun’s question. Myungjun supposed he ought to continue. “How come you’re so perfect?” he asked.

Bin didn’t answer for a few seconds, and then he suddenly wrapped his arms around Myungjun’s waist and giggled. His laugh was so sweet and endearing and Myungjun’s stupid heart sped up.

“I have great genes,” Bin pointed out.

Myungjun swiped at him.

Bin dodged the attack easily, without even removing his arms. They remained in that position for a few seconds before Myungjun decided it was enough.

If Bin kept this up, then Myungjun would long for him more than he already did.

“Alright,” he mumbled, wiggling out of Bin’s grasp. It was difficult to do, for Bin was strong and had a tight grip on him, but Myungjun finally managed to break their contact. He cleared his throat and smoothed his hair down, hoping that he wasn’t blushing too much.

“You good?” Bin asked. He still looked concerned. “Should we take a break, maybe?”

“I gotta...I gotta get a good score.”

“You can’t do that when you’re this pent up.” Despite the distance Myungjun had put between them, Bin still reached out to rub Myungjun’s shoulders, releasing some of the tension. “Let’s take a break. We can watch a movie or something, and then you can get right back to it and I’ll allow it.”

Myungjun snorted. “You’ll allow it?”

“Sure.”

He considered his options. It was important for him to get a good score, better than anyone else in their entire school. He wanted to be the best and then get accepted into a top university. He had to do well, to move away and forget about Bin.

It was a dreary future, but it was the only way he would ever quell the ache in his heart over such an unrequited love.

However, it would be difficult to make much progress when he was angry enough to cry. He never got anywhere by wiping away tears and struggling to produce accurate answers to such hard questions.

Besides, if he took a break with Bin, they would sit close together and Bin would continue to coo over him. It was perfect.

“Alright,” he said again, nodding his head and standing from his desk. “But I get to choose the movie, since I’m older.”

Bin smiled at him. It was that adorable, crooked smile, the one Myungjun loved so much, and he found himself nearly speechless.

“Of course,” Bin agreed, and he hooked their arms together before leading Myungjun out of his cramped bedroom.

Myungjun would allow the closeness, just this once. Later, perhaps, he would work on drifting away from Bin.

Later.

He hadn’t expected for Bin to drag him to the lake one day, away from all of his textbooks and binders. It all happened so fast; really, he was manhandled to the bus stop, flung over Bin’s shoulders and only lax because he was so shocked. Bin laughed all the while, and when the bus came, Myungjun was finally sat down.

“Where are we going?” he asked, a bit dazed from the journey.

Bin climbed on the bus after him, paying Myungjun’s fare as well as his own. “The lake,” Bin responded. “Your mom said you’ve been studying again nonstop. She’s proud of you, but I think you need a break or something. You’ll burn yourself out like you did a few weeks ago.”

Myungjun flushed, remembering his own tears coupled with Bin’s hug. How embarrassing for that to be brought up again! He wanted to sink into the ground and stay there.

Bin seemed to notice his red face, for he laughed and shrugged his shoulders. “Don’t blush! We all have days like that sometimes. I had a near-breakdown the other day. I thought about you throwing your textbook and I wondered how cathartic it felt.”

“Pretty damn cathartic,” Myungjun responded, nodding his head.

“Right? I did it and felt better.”

Bin was such an idiot. Myungjun loved him.

“Why the lake?” he asked as they chose seats toward the back of the bus. “I don’t even have clothes for the lake.”

“I do! Don’t worry, I packed stuff for both of us.” He patted his bookbag. “Also I have snacks and drinks.”

Trust Bin to have food on the mind at all times. He was ravenous, that one, and Myungjun envied such an appetite. How did Bin eat so much and manage to remain in such great shape? The moment Myungjun so much as touched unhealthy food, he gained weight. He was already a bit pudgy in his stomach; he had nothing like Bin’s hard lines of muscles.

“What’s with the sour look on your face?” Bin asked. “Do you not like snacks?”

Myungjun wasn’t going to delve into such personal information with his best friend, so he quickly responded, “No, I like snacks. Just...just thinking.”

Bin would never go for someone with pudge . A boy as attractive as Bin would choose someone equally attractive. Myungjun glanced over at the mirror, catching sight of his reflection, and he frowned.

Yeah, Bin wouldn’t go for him.

“Stop frowning! ” Bin ordered. “It’s just the lake! No need to be so upset!”

“I’m not…” Myungjun sighed, trying his best to wipe his face of angsty emotion before turning back to Bin. “Sorry. Just thinking about school.”

“Well, stop it. I forbid it on our trip.”

“I can’t just stop!” Myungjun groaned and leaned his head back to stare up at the ceiling. “Even when I close my eyes, I have numbers and equations and definitions swirling around my brain.”

Bin tugged him close and Myungjun nearly gave a start. “That’s why,” Bin said, “we’re going to the lake. We’ll relax . It’ll be a fun trip and then tonight you can give yourself an aneurysm over schoolwork.”

“I don’t want to suffer through that alone, though,” Myungjun said, testing the waters at being a bit cheeky.

It worked; Bin guffawed and clapped Myungjun’s shoulder with his immense strength. How the hell was a high school student so strong, anyway?

“I’ll be studying, too!” Bin pointed out. “So I can suffer with you!”

“Solid plan.”

“One day I’ll join your study group, though, and then I’ll worry about my own future. I’m not as smart as you.”

“That’s...that’s not true at all.” Myungjun smacked Bin’s chest. Oh, how he wished he could keep his hand there and feel all of the lines and crevices on Bin’s body! How he wished they were close enough that such a touch would be normal, expected, even.

But they were friends. They were nothing more than friends. And friends did not touch each other in such a suggestive manner.

So he let his hand fall shortly after the smack and continued, “You’re super smart. I’ve seen your grades.”

“Yeah, well…” Bin reacted well to praise. He seemed to get all giddy, with a grin overtaking his features and his eyes curving up into cute half-moons. Myungjun wanted to squish his cheeks together and kiss him and hold him close.

Just once, at least.

Just to see what it was like.

He stopped himself before he could do that, and instead smiled back at Bin, matching his grin with one of his own.

“You need to argue with me over your intelligence. It’s the polite thing to do.”

“Shut up!” Bin said. “You complimented me, and I appreciate that!” He scooted a bit closer to Myungjun, his smile far more flirtatious than Myungjun would have thought Bin could ever be. Bin wasn’t flirtatious. He was a bit of a doofus, in fact, and probably unable to flirt.

Myungjun tried his best to keep Bin’s gaze, as piercing as it might be.

“I get happy whenever you say something nice to me,” Bin said, his voice not as loud, a bit deeper than usual.

What was this ? What the hell was going on? Myungjun had to finally duck his head and he took a deep breath before responding, “Don’t get a large ego.”

“Too late,” Bin said, and then all was back to normal. It was as if it had never happened. Bin began to talk about something else and Myungjun pretended to listen, though he actually had to calm his beating heart. Dammit, what was Bin even playing at? Myungjun wondered if Bin even knew what he was doing.

Probably not. He was super oblivious. 

Then why did he smile so knowingly?

Myungjun solved his issues by punching Bin’s stomach at a particularly crude joke, and then laughing as Bin pretended to keel over and die.

He had to get through the rest of the year. Then, perhaps, all would be well.

“Why is there alcohol here?” Myungjun hissed to Bin as they both eyed the wall of alcohol that lined the kitchen table. 

Bin blinked, equally surprised. “No clue,” he responded. “I didn’t peg Dongmin as that type of person.”

They both glanced over to the man in question, but upon noticing his fuming glare directed toward poor Jinwoo, who was unsuccessfully darting between droves of other high school students, they decided not to ask.

“Someone else probably brought it,” Myungjun decided, wincing when a tipsy kid spilled some of his beer onto the floor. “I don’t think Dongmin expected this.”

It was supposed to be a small party, apparently. Dongmin had invited several of his friends, several of their friends, and Jinwoo. Supposedly the reasoning was to utterly humiliate Jinwoo in front of a crowd, but the crowd grew larger when others heard of the party and invited themselves. Myungjun was certain he had noticed a few kids from other schools arrive, spurred onward by Dongmin’s ethereal beauty and gorgeous home.

“I think he’s going to kill Jinwoo,” Bin pointed out.

“Jinwoo didn’t bring the beer. He doesn’t drink.”

“Tell that to Dongmin.”

But Dongmin was storming forward, yelling at a few kids, and Myungjun shook his head.

“Nah,” he replied. “If his mind is set on murder, I doubt there’s anything I can do to stop it.”

Bin nodded his head appreciatively, then eyed the beer once more. “Well,” he said, “we probably shouldn’t let it go to waste.”

“Let it go…?” Myungjun gaped as his best friend snatched two beer cans from the table. “Bin! You’re definitely too young for that!”

“And since when are you the police?” Bin fussed. “I know for a fact you’ve gotten drunk before.”

“It was once and it was an idiotic thing to do and it was only because my cousin dared me to,” Myungjun responded, balking when Bin shoved the second beer can into his hands. “Come on, Bin, we really shouldn’t--”

“You’re just too scared to enter a drinking contest with the great Moon Bin!” Bin exclaimed with a loud laugh.

Myungjun glared at his best friend wondering how on earth he decided to stick around with someone so stupid . However, the challenge in Bin’s tone was not to be taken lightly; Myungjun was offered a chance to beat Bin at something, and he was determined to win.

“Fine,” he snapped, opening his beer can with finesse. “You’re on.”

Beer wasn’t really Myungjun’s favorite thing to drink, and by the looks of it, it wasn’t Bin’s favorite thing to drink, either. They both grimaced when downing the first can. Fortunately, the second can went down a lot smoother, and by that point, Myungjun noticed that Bin’s eyes were glazing over.

He smirked to himself as they both opened their third beer.

“Are you ready to give up?” Myungjun asked, clinking cans with Bin, who scoffed at him and shook his head.

“Nope,” Bin responded. “Of course not. Never.”

But that beer really seemed to finish Bin off. Myungjun hadn’t realized someone so tall and bulky would get drunk so easily, but Bin was talking loudly by the end of his third beer, giggling a lot, and clinging to Myungjun more than usual.

“Gimme another one,” Bin demanded.

Myungjun scoffed. He was also beginning to feel the effects, but he did his best to appear perfectly sober. He had to be the mature friend, after all.

“I think you should give up,” Myungjun replied.

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine.”

Bin pouted and leaned onto Myungjun. “Give me a beer or else I’ll crush you with my massive muscles,” he threatened.

Myungjun wouldn’t have minded that much. Still, he shook his head and kept the beer away from Bin for a few seconds, until Bin’s hand shot out faster than lightning and stole the can from Myungjun’s grasp.

Myungjun stared at him incredulously, and Bin gulped down as much as he could.

“God,” Myungjun said, “You’re going to be wasted by the end of the party. Dongmin’s gonna kill you.”

“Nah,” Bin said, waving off Myungjun’s concern. “Dongmin likes me too much to kill me.”

It didn’t seem that way; more than once that evening, Myungjun had spotted Dongmin shooting glares from across the room. Either he had given up on his chase to find Jinwoo, or he was simply taking a break. Myungjun wasn’t certain, but he didn’t want Dongmin coming after them.

They both finished off a fifth beer and Myungjun, head spinning, noticed Dongmin stalking towards them.

“Come on,” Myungjun urged, dragging Bin out of the kitchen. Bin whined, reaching uselessly for another beer, but he was too tipsy to pull away from Myungjun’s hold. Together, they safely made it outside of the apartment, and even then Myungjun didn’t stop. He stumbled down the stairs, Bin still shuffling after him, and only released Bin when they were clear of the apartment building.

“Why did we have to stop?” Bin complained, flopping over on a bus-stop bench.

Myungjun sat beside him, his head a little bit dizzy. “Dongmin was on a war-path. I think he’s trying to murder drunk people.”

Bin snorted. “Well, I’m not drunk.”

“You totally are.”

“Am not! ”

“You’re such a lightweight,” Myungjun responded, though he knew he was also drunk.

Bin whined again and draped himself over Myungjun. The weight was comforting, and Myungjun leaned into Bin with ease. If he was sober, they wouldn’t cuddle like this. If he was sober, he would remind Bin that they weren’t together. If he was sober--

But he wasn’t sober. He ought to enjoy the moment while it lasted.

“You’re so cute today,” Bin murmured, nuzzling his nose into Myungjun’s neck.

Myungjun froze, tense in Bin’s hold. What was he supposed to do? Bin was going to make a mistake. Bin was drunk and would kiss him and then things would become awkward between the two of them.

Oh, but he couldn’t pull away. He wanted this. He wanted this so badly.

“Bin,” he murmured, turning to face his friend.

Bin stared at him for a few seconds, then suddenly leaned in and captured Myungjun’s lips within his own.

Bin was kissing him.

Bin was kissing him .

Bin was kissing him!

Myungjun’s heart was alight with passion, with love. He kissed back, knowing he would regret his actions come morning, but the alcohol in his blood didn’t seem to care at the moment. He wanted more of Bin. He wanted all of Bin.

“Bin,” he moaned into the kiss, gripping at Bin’s t-shirt. Bin ate up his moans, his tongue dipping into Myungjun’s mouth with no hesitation. Myungjun drew in his breath sharply and closed his eyes, enjoying the moment he was given.

He wanted to keep going, but Bin pulled back suddenly and smiled nervously. “Let’s...let’s not--” he started, and that’s when shame and embarrassment washed over Myungjun.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, his face lighting up with humiliation. He was making out with his best friend in the middle of the street, as cars whipped past them. Everybody could see; everybody would know. “Oh, god, Bin, I’m so fucking sorry! I didn’t mean to! I just-- I promise, it’s just ‘cause I’m drunk! I wouldn’t kiss you otherwise!”

Bin chuckled, seemingly unbothered by what just happened. “It was a good kiss,” he said, “but pretend it didn’t happen.”

Oh. Ouch . Myungjun swallowed thickly and nodded his head before staring down at his lap.

Instantly, Bin’s hands covered his own. “You deserve much more,” Bin continued, as if he hadn’t just trampled on Myungjun’s heart. “So wait for it to be better, okay?”

Myungjun nodded his head mutely. He didn’t trust his voice at the moment. He knew he would cry if he tried to speak.

Bin returned to their cuddling, though. He sighed heavily, his breath hot on Myungjun’s ear, and he asked, “When’s the bus coming?”

And just like that, it was like they never kissed at all.

Myungjun hated it.

He had expected things to become awkward between the two of them. After all, they were best friends who made out in public. He didn’t even know if Bin was gay.

But Bin, true to his word, pretended nothing had happened. Their relationship didn’t change; Bin was still clingy, still touchy, still so sweet and perfect. It was Myungjun who became a jumpy mess, frightened by the prospect of losing his best friend, frightened by the prospect of his eternal, unrequited love.

He studied more and tried to see Bin less. He responded to text messages with one-word answers. He was quiet and sullen and wondered how on earth he could force himself to lose interest in the most spectacular person on the entire planet.

“Are you avoiding me?” Bin finally asked one day, sitting beside Myungjun in the cafeteria. 

Myungjun balked, then quickly shook his head. “No,” he stammered. “No, I’m just busy.”

Bin frowned before glancing over to where Jinwoo sat, across from Myungjun. Jinwoo shrugged his shoulders and gestured to some papers in front of him.

“Myungjun’s helping me plan the festival,” he said.

It was a perfect cover story, and Jinwoo hadn’t even known that Myungjun needed a cover story.

“Oh.” Bin’s face was bright. “Are you going to sing during the festival, Jun?”

“Why does everyone keep asking me that?” Myungjun wondered.

“Because you have the most gorgeous voice ever,” Bin teased, nudging Myungjun’s shoulder. “I wanna hear you sing! I know you’re shy, but you’ll do great!”

Myungjun, though, was adamant about keeping his skills to himself. He shook his head and glared down at his food. “I’m not going to sing,” he said. “I don’t want to.”

Bin whined, as he always did when he was displeased. “You should! It’s your final year; don’t you wanna go out with a bang?”

“Plus,” Jinwoo added, “you’ll probably piss off Dongmin even more. He’ll hate the idea that I was able to score the best singer ever, and he couldn’t do it.”

“He’s never asked.”

“Because he’s an idiot,” Jinwoo replied.

Myungjun narrowed his eyes at Jinwoo. “For someone so terrified of Dongmin, you sure don’t mind bad-mouthing him.”

Jinwoo blushed and laughed a little before gathering up his papers. “Yeah, well...he’s not all that bad. We had a talk at the party. I mean, after I told him that you two were getting wasted on the beer I didn’t bring.”

Myungjun hated thinking of that night. Such pleasant memories -- such embarrassing memories. He cleared his throat and tried to change subjects, but Bin interrupted him.

“What was the talk about?” he asked.

“Mostly that I didn’t bring beer. But also that I swore to make this festival perfect and wonderful and I wanted to take the burden off of his shoulders. He hasn’t been glaring at me as much since I told him that.”

Both Myungjun and Bin turned around to look at Dongmin’s usual table. Sure enough, he wasn’t glaring. In fact, his gaze was…

“I think he likes you,” Bin said, just as Dongmin ducked away to avoid having been caught.

Jinwoo darted up from his seat. The blush on his face was darker. “Of course not!” Jinwoo laughed, sounding nervous. “Dongmin’s...you know how he is! Now I should finalize a few things. Excuse me--”

He bowed and rushed away, and Myungjun snorted.

“Could they be anymore obvious?” he wondered.

“It’s kinda cute, though. A total enemies-to-lovers trope,” Bin replied, a dorky smile on his face. “I like stuff like that.”

“I forgot you read fanfiction.”

Bin’s smile transformed into a grin. He was unashamed of his quirks. Myungjun loved that about him.

“Fanfiction isn’t bad,” Bin said, mixing together some of the food on his tray. “Besides, it gives me tons of ideas about dates and stuff.”

Myungjun bit the inside of his cheek. How was he supposed to respond to that? It hurt to think about Bin going on dates with someone, especially if he planned them out to be magical and perfect and based on idealistic stories. Why couldn’t Myungjun have that? Why couldn’t Myungjun be his date?

“Anyway,” Bin continued. “That’s all a surprise for another day. What about the festival, though? Will you be singing?”

“No,” Myungjun said, resolutely.

Bin frowned but he didn’t try to convince Myungjun to sing. Instead, he shrugged his shoulders. “Well, if that’s the case, why don’t we hang out during it? I can play those games for you and win you some plushies, if you want.”

Myungjun loved that idea. He wanted to cheer Bin on and he wanted to be swept into a big kiss as the festival died down.

“Sure,” he murmured, hopeful his cheeks weren’t too red as he imagined his perfect life as Bin’s boyfriend.

Bin’s grin was brilliant and sweet, and he nudged Myungjun again. “Nice,” he murmured. “I promise, you’ll have a great time with me.”

Myungjun knew he would, even if it put a damper on his plans to escape his unrequited love.

“I hope you win me some plushies though,” Bin added.

Myungjun snorted. “Don’t be greedy. You know I’m terrible with those sorts of games.” He wasn’t, not really, but when he was with Bin, he got flustered anyway and ended up fumbling whatever he was holding. It was Bin’s fault, though, for leaning in too close or for laughing in that adorable manner he always did or just for smelling so damn nice.

“I expect something in return,” Bin teased him, and there was a small lilt to his voice that made his words seem much more foreboding than they ought to be.

Myungjun glanced at his friend, who smiled innocently.

Surely it was nothing. Bin wasn’t a mean person, nor was he a vindictive person. He was joking around, and his raspy, breathless voice made it difficult to tell sometimes.

“Then I’ll win you something,” Myungjun promised. He just had to ignore Bin’s presence and perhaps then he’d be able to score some sort of treat.

Bin sighed and nodded his head. “Alright,” he agreed. “We’ll both win prizes for each other and leave it at that. And maybe I’ll give you a big prize at the end of the festival.”

“I expect one,” Myungjun said, and for some reason that caused Bin to giggle uncontrollably.

The bell rang after a while, and before Bin rushed to his classes, he gathered Myungjun in a bone-crushing hug.

“Do well!” he exclaimed, and then he ran down the hallway.

Myungjun tried his best to swallow past the lump in his throat.

The entirety of Myungjun’s wardrobe was flung out onto his bed, colors clashing and hangers in  disarray. Myungjun stood over the clothing, his eyes narrowed and his arms crossed over his bare chest.

Nothing looked good.

He supposed it shouldn’t really matter. After all, Bin had seen him at his absolute worst. Wearing stupid clothes wouldn’t cause Bin’s opinion of him to change. But, dammit, he wanted to look nice. He wanted to look his best. He wanted to look like a god.

Because he was going to tell Bin how he truly felt.

There would be no time better than the festival. It was towards the end of the school year, which meant Myungjun could run to university and never look back if Bin rejected him. There would be fireworks that night which meant it would be romantic. And if Bin stuck true to his word and won him prizes, then it would be almost like a first date.

He had to look good for a maybe-first-date.

He sighed loudly as he rifled through some of his shirts before his hands lingered on one in particular. It was a fancy silk shirt Bin bought him for a birthday and Myungjun had never really worn before. There was never an event good enough to dress up in an expensive shirt, after all.

A festival was hardly the place for silk , but Myungjun chose it anyway, because he knew Bin would recognize it. He just had to be extra careful that he wouldn’t spill anything on it or get it wet or--

No. Not the silk shirt. Never the silk shirt.

It’s not a date , he reminded himself bitterly as he shoved aside some of his nicer clothes. You don’t need a fucking suit . He just needed something simple, something plain, something that didn’t scream I love Moon Bin .

So, after nearly an hour in his underwear, he finally dressed himself in a button-up shirt and some nice jeans. He fixed his hair and smoothed down his eyebrows and then, for good measure, added a little concealer beneath his eyes.

He looked as he always did, but maybe Bin would appreciate the familiarity more than he would some sort of grand gesture. Bin wanted Myungjun there as a friend , not as a date.

He left with a quick goodbye to his parents. He was already running a bit late, and Bin had sent him several texts asking of his whereabouts. Myungjun had the decency to respond, omw with a little winking emoji -- thank god for text-speak, even if it was outdated.

When he arrived, Bin was quick to find him.

“Where were you?” he demanded to know, a pout overtaking his handsome features. “Jinwoo’s nagging me to get on stage with him for our dance.”

“Dance?” Myungjun asked, a bit breathless. Right. Shit. He totally forgot that Jinwoo had conned Bin and Minhyuk into performing some hip-hop dance with him. That really did put a damper in his plans.

“Yeah! Don’t you listen when I tell you things? Jinwoo, Minhyuk and I are--”

“No, no, I...I remember now. I just...I just didn’t think about it until now.”

Bin laughed a little bit, but his laughter vanished when he noticed Jinwoo urging him toward the stage. 

“I should get going,” he mumbled. “Wish me luck?”

He was nervous; Myungjun could tell by the slight quiver of his arms, by the cautious look in his gaze, by the tense posture of his shoulders. He hadn’t performed on stage in a while; he was bound to feel terrified of the large audience.

Feeling pity for poor Bin, Myungjun leaned forward and gathered him in a hug. “You’ll do great,” he murmured, then smacked Bin’s back. “Get going, before Jinwoo comes here and kicks you.”

When he pulled away, Bin stared at him with wide eyes. Myungjun wanted to ask what was wrong, but before he could get the chance, Bin pulled him forward once again and kissed him.

Kissed him hard.

Right on the lips.

Myungjun felt his brain short-circuit. He couldn’t even begin to fathom what was happening. Their lips were touching; Bin was kissing him. How? Why? What the hell had happened to make the stars align just right? What the hell was going on in Bin’s mind that he felt compelled to do this?

Bin released Myungjun and the connection was broken. Myungjun stared up at him in shock. Bin’s face was red, but he still managed to grin and blurt out, “Love you!” 

Then he ran, and Myungjun was left with so many questions.

He stayed where he was, behind the crowd, just barely in view of the stage. He felt as if he was floating. He felt as if his soul had left his body. There he was, looking down at all of his classmates. He could see some of the girls who liked Bin, squealing as the hip-hop troupe announced themselves. He could see Dongmin, secretly taking video close-ups of Jinwoo. He could see Bin, mostly, who looked alluring and seductive on stage, with rolling hips and rippling muscles.

His mouth was dry. He needed water desperately, but he couldn’t find his way back into his body, which still stood on the edge of the crowd, pathetic and useless and unmoving.

What was going on?

His hands moved on their own accord, clapping after the first song, and then again after the second song. By the time the third song was complete, he had managed to gain some feeling back in his body and had stepped even further away from the audience, too scared he would scream if someone even dared touch him. He was wound up. He was excited. He was frightened. He was confused.

His emotions overwhelmed him so much, but he couldn’t run, not when Bin was exiting the stage and looking for him.

When Bin spotted him, his entire face lit up in a grin. Sweat dripped from his brow and down his neck. He wiped some of it off, but his skin was still wet and sleek, and Myungjun studied Bin intently as his friend rushed forward.

“How did I do?” he asked, patting at the back of his neck.

Myungjun knew he ought to say great or good or awesome . Instead, he said, “We kissed.”

Bin laughed nervously and shrugged his shoulders. “I...yeah. Sorry. I mean, I’m not really that sorry, since I like kissing you, but I figured...I mean, I just got a bit excited when you hugged me. See, I had it all planned out, too; we were going to kiss under the fireworks! It would be our first kiss! Or, second kiss if you count the party, but I don’t want to count that since it needed to be more romantic.”

Nothing Bin said made any sense whatsoever, and Myungjun stared at him.

“Bin,” he started again, cutting through Bin’s rambling. “Why did you kiss me?”

“I told you, I just...I wanted to. You look super handsome, and you wished me luck in the cutest way, and I just...I really like you. I love you.”

“But…” Myungjun swallowed thickly, his heart pounding in his chest. Bin loved him? Bin liked him like that? Holy shit, what was happening?

“I was...I was going to confess to you today,” Myungjun admitted. “And I thought you wouldn’t like me back--”

“Why would you need to confess when we’re dating already?” Bin asked, cocking his head in confusion.

Myungjun didn’t even know what to say to that. He merely continued to stare, too many thoughts rifling through his mind. 

Bin cleared his throat and smiled awkwardly. “We’re...dating, Myungjun. We’ve been together for...I think it’s been over two months now. Right?”

“We...have?”

It was then the confusion seemed to pass to Bin. He blinked stupidly. “We have , haven’t we? I asked you out -- remember, we went boating together and it was super romantic?”

Myungjun remembered going boating. He did not remember romance .

“That was a date? ” he asked.

“Of course it was!” Bin exclaimed, though he looked rather uncertain of his own words. “I told you that I liked you and asked you to go out with me!”

Myungjun tried to think back to that day. It was true Bin asked Myungjun out, but he worded it as, “Why don’t we go out? Maybe boating?” Had he said something about liking him?

“Repeat exactly what you told me,” Myungjun said, his hands clammy as he clenched them into fists by his side. “Everything you recall saying to me, say it again.”

Bin swallowed thickly and offered a small smile. It didn’t stay on his lips for too long, unfortunately, and he said, “I said... ‘Myungjun, I like you, you know that, right?’ and you said, ‘Duh.’ And then I said, ‘So would you like to go out with me? Maybe boating? My friend has a boat.’ And you said, ‘Sure.’ And that was it.”

That was exactly what Myungjun had thought.

“You didn’t ask me on a date! You asked me to go out with you.”

“That’s a date!”

“No, I thought it was just...a friendly outing! I never knew we had been going on dates this whole time!” So every single instance that Bin had asked him out...those were dates . Myungjun had been pining in secret while Bin took him out on dates .

“So…” Bin took a step back. “So you don’t...you don’t like me, then?”

Myungjun could see exactly where Bin’s mind was headed. He was suddenly self-conscious, and likely upset. Everything had been misconstrued and Bin must feel so humiliated.

“I never said that,” Myungjun was quick to correct Bin’s thoughts. “I just...I wasn’t aware these were dates. If I had known…” He trailed off before laughing suddenly, shaking his head in disbelief. “If I had known, I think I would’ve been a lot happier.”

Bin stared at him in disbelief, and Myungjun smiled bashfully at his friend -- or was it his boyfriend? They had been actually dating for a couple of months, after all, so surely he could now call Bin his boyfriend.

“I like you a lot, Binnie,” he cooed, closing the distance between them. “I’m sorry I didn’t understand you had asked me out. But, really, you could’ve been a bit more obvious with your confession.”

Bin hesitated briefly before grinning widely, his smile lopsided and so cute. “I don’t think I ever considered that you wouldn’t understand my feelings!” he exclaimed. “And here I thought we’ve been a couple this entire time!”

“I like your thoughts much better,” Myungjun said, and he was finally able to toss aside the dreadful, terrible feelings of unrequited love. Bin liked him back. Bin was dating him, technically. They were boyfriends.

“Kiss me properly,” Myungjun demanded. “Kiss me as your boyfriend.” He puckered out his lips in wait, but he did not have to wait for very long. Bin swooped down to kiss him gently, and Myungjun’s heart melted at the intimacy he had so long craved for.

“Well,” Bin murmured as he drew back. “I’m happy you didn’t reject my love confession, in any case.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Myungjun responded, a goofy smile on his face. He embraced Bin -- his boyfriend -- once again with all the enthusiasm that had lay dormant in him for so long.

“Let’s make today our first day,” he teased Bin. “Since I was dating you for so long and I was unaware the whole damn time.”

“Alright!” Bin said, wrapping his arms around Myungjun. “Though now we’ll have to re-do all of those dates I took you on.”

“Oh, that’s fine.” Myungjun closed his eyes and nuzzled even closer to Bin. “I’m more than willing to re-do our dates if it means I can spend time with you.”

Bin was an idiot, but he really was a great matchmaker.