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Each morning I get up I die a little
Can barely stand on my feet
(take a look at yourself)
Take a look in the mirror and cry
Lord, what you're doing to me
They hadn't thought of it at first. It was something James had thought of in their last year of uni. The plan was for Lily and Remus to renew their lease, and Sirius and James to move nearby. Preferably one in the same apartment building as them, but something in the same area would also work. Lily and Remus’ flat had been perfect, tall ceilings, large windows that opened up onto a little balcony- big enough for a chair and some plants- with matching flowing curtains, two bedrooms and two bathrooms, a large kitchen that had a living room attached. It was perfect for them, so they weren't going to be moving anytime soon.
It was perfect for them, the detrimental word is ‘was’. It was perfect… until Lily and James finally pulled their heads out of their asses halfway through the last year. They finally realised how head over heels they were for each other- after so many years. Too many in reality, but no one was allowed to say that to their faces.
So they had taken Remus and Sirius out for dinner, some place neither of them had ever heard of, and broke it to them ‘gently’. Meaning Lily was the one talking and James sat guiltily in the corner looking like someone one had kicked his puppy. But still gripping Lily’s hand like it would fall off, then gingerly patting Sirius shoulder while avoiding eye contact.
I have spent all my years in believing you
Lily and James were to move in together after uni, Lily was going to be moving out, leaving Remus alone in their flat. Remus wasn't mad, he thought it would come at some point or another, but he didn't think it would have happened so soon. He was ready for a year where Lily and James would try sneaking around, staying at each other’s flats while trying to avoid their roommates. Living with Lily was something he had gotten used to, their routines rarely ever changed and he was content.
Sirius on the other hand was mildly livid. His brother was just leaving him, for a girl? Okay sure it was Lily and he loved Lily but still, he didn't want the change. He had been living with James in some form or another for over a decade. Changing that felt like losing his family again. It wasn’t true, he would always have James but there would be a shift, and that shift was new and strange and it seemed… dangerous almost.
He had looked at Remus and saw something on his face, it was under the love and happiness on his face, a hint of regret, longing and something more. He couldn’t place it. He’d seen it in flashes before, times during after ‘The Fight’ when they weren’t talking, the last few days of sixth form when everything was coming to an end, and when he was helping Remus pack up his room at his mums; when ever Hope would pop in sharing something she had found in her ‘box of mysteries’. He wasn't sure what it was but he did know that he would do anything to see that look off his face, and for Remus to just be blissfully happy in that moment.
Can anybody find me somebody to love?
———————
I work hard (he works hard) every day of my life
I work 'til I ache my bones
At the end (at the end of the day) I take home (takes home) my hard-earned pay all
(goes home on his own) on my own
Sirius was mildly done. He had spent the entire day at work, yes he loved his job, he loved being around records all day. He hadn’t meant to be hired full time at the place, he wanted a part time job really, but then things spiralled a tad. He found out how much he loved it there and somehow he became store manager.
Being surrounded by music all day didn't seem so bad, he could choose the playlists that rippled softly out from the hidden speakers. He could spend hours walking up and down the isles looking at the records, making sure none were damaged, he could look at some fondly and smile. Smile at memories of a warm bedroom with books piled high, that had burnt their mark into his brain, he was so happy there.
He was happy until he realised it was the third Friday of the month. Meaning it was ‘hell day’, well it was stock ordering day. Given that Marlene had called a sickie he was on his own. He was on his own for 10 hours while he had to check stock, check the spreadsheet of upcoming records and releases, order stock, upload all of that to the spreadsheet and then on top of that handle customers. It was living hell, he wanted to be at home. He wanted to be curled on the sofa with the scent of worn paper and lavender surrounding him. He made it through though, he always would (especially with the amount of coffee pumping through his system).
He was close to their flat now, and he approached the door and punched in the code for the building and smiled.
He was home.
He was home and he knew who was waiting upstairs. He knew that he would receive large smiles, and warm hugs, and he knew he would return them both feverishly.
I go down (down) on my knees (knees)
And I start to pray (praise the Lord)
The door to their flat always seemed like a gateway to another world to Sirius. It was from the first moment he visited during uni, when the fiery red head still lived there.
Opening the faintly yellow door was like opening a whole new part of him he’d never seen before, he knew the jumpers and how soft they could be beneath his hands, and he knew the organisation. But he didn’t know the piles upon piles of books that lined each room, that had no rhyme or reason to them, they were just there. Some days you would walk in and there would somehow be even more there. He didn't know about the obsession with herbal tea, and the boxes upon boxes that took up almost an entire cupboard in the kitchen, and which mug might be wanted for each mood.
But slowly during uni he knew and learnt, he pushed past the walls that had been built during secondary school, and he was let in slowly. They were best friends before but they turned into something more, something more personal, they were more connected than they used to be. They both could feel it.
But everybody wants to put me down
They say I'm goin' crazy
He walked up to the door they had painted a slightly brighter yellow when Sirius had moved in, and slid the key into the lock and watched as all his key chains fought against each other. The one that James made him in year seven woodwork was fighting the small matte black dog he was given for his birthday by him a few months before. They jangled together as he opened the door gently with his foot.
I got no common sense (he's got)
I got nobody left to believe in
He couldn't help but smile now, he opened the door and even before he could step in he was hit with the sound of the record player going. The slight crackle he would recognise no matter what. Usually he would groan and ask for it to be turned off, especially after a day like today but…
He looked through the door, he was now standing with his back against it looking into their flat. His smile grew even further, the lamps were on in the living room and allowed a warm yellow glow to beam from the room. He gently took off his docs and put them by the converse that were always there. He took one more step in but then he could feel it. A low rumble came through the floor, it traveled up his legs, through his spine and down to his hands.
Got no feel, I got no rhythm
I just keep losing my beat
Then he saw it, the warm jumper moving around the room. Mismatched socks leading the way. He would like to say gently but, in reality, he was definitely more jumping around the room and he was very dramatically performing the words, he was so glad he had walked in now, and not a few minutes later because then he would miss the grin on his face. A smile that lit up every freckle like a star, that caused his eyes to crinkle and for his cheeks to bloom like roses.
I'm OK, I'm alright (he's alright, he's alright)
I ain't gonna face no defeat
It was only just the beginning and Freddie had only just started on the first verse, but there was no chance he would be seen, even though he was stood in eyeline, his moony was in his own world. He wasn't thinking for once, he was just acting, following his instincts, following the beat. Sirius would pay so much money to see Remus like this more often.
Sirius' face had started to ache a little from how much he was smiling, but he couldn’t stop. Not now, not ever. He’d been standing watching for a while- aka the past 2 verses- when he finally joined in. He started to murmur along with Remus, and along with Freddie, “(he works hard) everyday (everyday),I try, and I try, and I try,” and Remus finally noticed him then. His eyes as warm as chocolate, the roses on his cheeks somehow blooming more- it was as marvel the petals hadn’t started to fall. But he gave a sheepish smile and then, then soft hands were pulling him in. Away from the doorway which he was stuck too, into the warm glow. Into his glow.
That was it then, they were dancing in each other's glow now. Well, Sirius was dancing in Remus’ and there was no chance he was going back now. He had made his home here and somehow, Remus had let him stay. It had been formed over late night mugs of tea and reading on the balcony, over intertwined feet on the sofa as they argued over who got to chose the film tonight, over the moons beams dancing around them as they were curled together by the windows after a nightmare, over their old scratchy record player trying to keep to their beat they had set.
They’d created their own rhythm together so many years ago, but it wasn't until Remus asked him over lunch to move in had they found that beat, had they started to dance to it together. Not separately anymore. Lily's old room had turned to Sirius’ and then slowly, after months of finding their ground, figuring out boundaries and the lack thereof when it came to personal space, it had turned into their spare room. Where Remus stacks of books had started to take over, and where Sirius' ever growing collection of doc Martens were destined to be stored.
They’d spent so much time together over the past decade, both good and bad. Times where bitter words and heavy souls were all they could spit at each other, but it led them here. Led them on a very perfect path, it was their own, lined with roses and forget-me-nots, lilies and sweet peas.
Remus was still singing along while Sirius stood and took in his partner of the past (officially) eighteen months, but in reality they’d been together this entire time. He couldn’t help but lean their foreheads together as the final minute of the song started to play. He was smiling and Remus was grinning back just as brightly.
“Find me.” It was barely a whisper, but he heard it anyway.
“Find me.” He returned not much louder than Remus’ but then they started to say the next part together.
“Find me somebody to love.” And things started to click together again, they started going back and forth until the very last moment where Remus started again.
“Can anybody find me…” He was singing just off beat from Freddie, but Sirius didn't care.
“… somebody to love.” Sirius finished, but then he wasn't sure which one had started it. Then their lips were brushing together- and the rest of the song was worthless when he already knew who he loved.
He knew he was loved in the warm glow around them. He knew he was loved by the man with warm jumpers and books piled sky high.
He knew it.