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For most of his life, EJ has been sure of himself. He is handsome. He is rich. He is popular. He knows who he is and what he wants, and he does what it takes to make everything work in his favor. He makes sure to always play his cards right to achieve his goals. He is always confident, never once doubting himself.
Until he meets Nini, and he is all of a sudden unsure. His relationship with her has made him insecure, made him do things he isn’t proud of. She has left him because he didn’t trust her, and he has promised himself he will never let himself make the same mistake again. He didn't think he'd be ready to fall again after Nini, but then comes Gina.
He watches her dance and he is unable to tear his eyes away. He is mesmerized by her performance, and most importantly, her. They become friends and they spend most of their days together, getting to know one another. Minutes grow to hours and then days and months. She is kind, someone who sees the best in him, has helped him believe in himself again.
Gina is in his heart before he knows it, as a friend and then someone he wants to spend more and more time with. At some point his feelings for her has shifted towards something more, something he’s been wanting but hasn’t had the courage to pursue. Until he asks her out for risotto.
But then he talks to Jamie Porter, and he’s back to square one, once again second guessing. Was it all he was to her, a brother figure?
It hurts. He is so in love with her, and he thinks about her brother’s words and it drives a knife a little deeper into his chest. He was almost certain of her feelings, and now EJ is hesitating again, not because he doesn’t want to be with Gina, but rather because he suddenly doubts that she wants to be with him.
Was I a fool to read between the lines?
Did I misread the signs that much?
Who would’ve thought we’d come this far as friends?
Maybe that should’ve been enough
For most of her life, Gina has been on the run. She is fast. She is unreachable. She is untouchable. No one can get too near because she will run away before they do, and that’s how no one can hurt her. Gina runs away with her heart, shielding it and guarding it with all her might. Her heart will never break because she will run with it.
Until she meets Ricky, and she gets careless, accidentally lets her guard down and falls in love. But it turns out he is in love with someone else, and she wonders how she ended up being the one left behind when she is always the one prepared to run. She has promised herself she will never make the same mistake again after Ricky. It’s dangerous to let someone too close, but then comes EJ.
It takes only a while for him to somehow become a part of her every day. They see each other all the time, text and call one another, and even when they don’t, Gina is constantly thinking about him. He is always there when she needs him, sometimes without her even asking, and even though she tells herself that she doesn’t need anyone.
She stops running, and she has fallen again (how can she not?), and she’s falling so fast she’s certain she can be killed on impact. She has never stopped falling since then.
But then EJ cancels their date, and now she’s back to square one, wanting to run away again. She should have known better. How could she have let herself be fooled again?
It’s terrifying, because somehow she has let EJ too close, just like she has let Ricky too close back then. She was almost certain of his feelings, but then he pulls back, and she wonders how far she has to run this time to make her heart forget about EJ Caswell.
Maybe I’m safer when I’m on the run
No time to open up my heart
Maybe I’ll hide behind my walls again
Instead of tearing them apart
EJ’s mind is a scattered mess, the laughter and celebration from the after party not enough to distract him. He notices the distance Gina has placed between them, the company of their friends like the length of an ocean stretching across them.
EJ feels guilt gnawing at the lining of his stomach, and he berates himself for not being direct and talking to her about his conversation with her older brother earlier in the night. The past hour or so of silently debating and hesitating to clear things with her have made his head, heart, and surprisingly his stomach hurt.
Gina has come to be one of his best friends, and he knows he can tell her anything. And if Gina doesn’t like him back, if the way she looks at him and skews her lips into a smile meant only for him is strictly platonic, then he’ll have to find a way to be okay with it. Gina will smooth out EJ’s hurt with her smile, and maybe his feelings will remain, but they’ll be dulled out with her unmoving friendship.
He finds her alone later in the night, and without anyone else around she lets herself cry. An overwhelming shame like no other consumes him for hurting her, and his heart feels smaller, shrunk down a size, not strong to keep him going. But he has to make things right somehow, and he takes small steps towards the girl until he wraps his arms around her, head swimming as blood pounds through him.
Gina is stiff against him and EJ understands, so he whispers I’m sorry over and over, his arms tightening around her, heartbeat too loud, stomach a-flutter.
I’ve got a second chance to fly
I’ve got a second chance to fall
What can make the tide turn?
What can make the fire burn?
A second chance is all
“I’m in love with you.”
The admission hits EJ like a ton of bricks, his eyes widening in disbelief. Gina doesn’t back down after he tells her what happened, and her hand grips his to hold him in place as he tries to pull back again. “How can you think otherwise, after all this time?”
And then Gina presses her lips to him, soft and tender. It takes his brain a second to piece it all together and for him to realize what’s happening, and when he does, he swears his heart might as well jump out of his chest at how loud and fast it’s pounding.
Gina has imagined her first kiss one too many times before – how EJ’s lips will feel against hers, how her arms will find their way home around EJ’s neck, how time will stop and the rest of the world will melt away into non-existence – so much that it has become her favorite fantasy, her favorite film, played in her head over and over. And over. But in a one in a thousand chance in a lifetime, reality has won over fantasy.
She leans into him until she can feel his heart beat through her own, almost like echoes as they ring through her, steady. Complete.
(EJ has always been sure of himself, and this time he's certain of what he wants, who he wants. Gina has always been on the run, but this time she isn't running from something, but towards it.)
End.