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There’s an uncomfortable silence hanging over Summer Troupe. Tenma and Kazunari awkwardly scroll through their social media as Muku sniffs and gets glares from Yuki whenever he moves his hand too much.
Kumon winces in pain when he sees how swollen and bruised his cousin’s wrist was. Even Misumi was uncharacteristically quiet. Humming to himself as he scourged the room for triangles. Not that he’d find many unless he moved, but he felt like staying and supporting his friend was more important.
“Jun will be here soon…” Muku’s voice cracked and broke the silence. “I’m sorry.” He apologised. Yuki rolled his eyes and Muku felt himself shrink further into his body. Kumon looked around nervously before trying to reassure him. “You saved a girl and her dog from being run over by a bike!”
“But… I lied about my wrist and now I might not even be able to make it to the play an–”
“Muku. Stop overthinking. Just because it's swollen doesn't mean it snapped in half.” Yuki joined the conversation, Muku winced at those words. Snapped in half. Yuki noticed his reassurance didn’t work so he scooted himself closer and sat next to Muku on the couch. “Look. If you end up with a cast, I’m sure Vivi and I can come up with something. No one will notice and you can still do the play.”
Muku took a deep shaky breath and nodded. Yeah, they’d all come up with an idea if worse came to worst. But the anxiety was more about his brother’s reaction.
Jun had been excited for Muku’s first leading role. He’d been supporting Muku almost twice as much and made sure he was feeling confident over his lines. He liked when Jun and him practiced. And their parents and sister were just as excited. When he came home over dinner one night, all they did was ask questions and brag about how proud they were of him.
His phone screen lit up and he read the message. “Outside, lil guy!” He could feel his whole body go cold and his throat clenched. “I uhm. I’ll be going now.” He croaked before standing up and hurrying over to the door, slipping his loafers on and unlocking the door.
“Stay saaafe~” Misumi hollered, although not as cheerful as usual. “Text me as soon as you get there!” Kumon added. “Bye.” Muku hurried opening the door before stepping out into the evening summer air. The warm wind hit his face but instead of feeling peaceful, he felt like he was in the middle of hell, sweat forming at his forehead.
Muku spotted his family's car and reluctantly crossed the road to get into it. When he went to grab the handle, Jun reached over and pushed the door open from the inside, making it somewhat easier for Muku to enter the car. “Ah. Thanks.” He mumbled before sitting down and starting his struggle with the seatbelt. Once again, Jun reached over and clicked the seatbelt into place, ruffling Muku’s hair before starting the car.
Of course, Muku kept quiet. There was a conversation waiting to happen, but he’d rather stall it as much as possible. Jun glanced over to his younger brother and noticed how pale he was, and how bruised and swollen his wrist was.
“What happened?” Jun’s words were soft. He knew how easily Muku startled and how any tone shift could set him into a downward spiral of self hatred. “I… Uhm.” Muku began, carefully thinking over his words. Weighing as if he should tell Jun or not. “I was with the Director and uh… A little girl was walking her dog.” He chewed his lip and felt a familiar iron taste in his mouth. “And a cyclist was approaching… Uhm the dog kinda pulled the girl towards the bike and the cyclist couldn’t really stop so… I pushed both of them away.” Muku glanced at his wrist and closed his eyes at the memory. “Landed weirdly on my hand I guess.”
“Yeah no kidding, that hand looks terrible.” Jun chuckled and Muku winced at the words. Anxiety bubbling up in his stomach and nausea hitting him like a train. “Ah.” Muku felt his eyes sting. “I’m sorry…” His voice was tiny and barely audible in the rumbling of the car.
“Hm? What for?” Jun was focused on the road but it was clear he was listening to Muku. “M-making you worry over me… And…”
“And?”
“M-my... i-insignificant injury… I’m s-sure you’re busy with work–” Muku felt himself stumbling over his words and tears prickling his eyes. “Muku, you don’t have to apologise.”
“R-right but… I could've prevented it. And. I guess that’s w-what’s making me so upset.” He hiccuped. “L-like with my leg i-injury.” It was now Jun’s turn to pale. “Hey, that wasn’t your fault.”
“But if I hadn’t gone to practice–”
“I was the one who told you to go to practice. Your leg injury is my fault, not yours. Please don’t beat yourself up over it.” Muku silenced but the tears didn’t stop from spilling over. “But you taught me so much! If I only had listened to your tips about stretching better then I wouldn’t be such a weakling who snapped his achilles tendon–”
“No. It’s my fault because I didn’t listen to you when you said your leg felt weird. You didn’t do anything wrong.
“But I’m weak! I’m such a weakling… My body tires out easily and it just…” Muku choked back a sob. “It just fucking sucks how pathetic I am.” Out of the corners of his eyes he saw Jun’s knuckles turning white as he gripped the steering wheel. Muku could tell his brother was trying to keep it together as best as he could.
“Why, Muku?” He simply asked.
“Why do you feel the need to say such things? Why are you so convinced that everything is your fault?”
“Because! I could’ve prevented it! If I had an extra second to think then maybe I wouldn't be in your car on my way to the hospital with a possible fracture!” Muku was yelling, he never yelled… but… Something about it made him feel as if he’d maybe be heard. If he raised his voice then he wouldn't be alone in his thoughts.
“But you didn’t. And you have to accept that you can’t change what has already happened. You can only move forward and deal with the aftermath as best as you can.”
“Mighty words coming from someone who still blames himself over a three year old injury…” And at that Jun broke out in what seemed like a mix of laughter and a sob. He wiped his face with his sleeves and sniffled. “You’re right. It’s very stupid of me to say that.” He was still crying and Muku started feeling awful about his outburst.
“You know… I don't blame you.” He began. “If… if we go by what you said before then… We just have to accept that’s what happened and, well… Deal with it.”
“And I’m happy now! I… I may not be able to be on the track team but… Well I found MANKAI and… I found the Summer Troupe.” Muku was looking at Jun’s hand that rested on the gearbox. He reached forward and grabbed his brother's hand with his non-injured hand, giving it a squeeze. “I guess… I dealt with it. And, I think you should too.” A silence was cast over the car, the sun was setting behind them and the only noise was the hum of the motor and the cars passing by. Muku jumped as he felt Jun squeeze his hand back. “We’re both terrible at this, huh?”
“At what?”
“Dealing with things. Well, you’ve been doing a better job than me. I ought to learn something from you.” Muku felt the corners of his lips turn up. “Maybe we just need each other sometimes… To remind us that it’s not always our fault.”
—
It was late when Jun parked the car in the driveway of the dormitory. He could see how the front door swung open as the entirety of the Summer Troupe stumbled out of it. Kumon first with Kazunari right behind him, Misumi holding the latter’s hand. Tenma and Yuki were a bit behind but there was worry on their faces.
“Muku!” Kumon wailed and Jun lifted a finger up to his lips to silence his cousin. “Shh! He’s asleep and the doctor recommended he rest a lot before the performance.” The entire troupe’s eyes lit up. “Does that mean?” Tenma began. Jun nodded. “Yeah, if he doesn't overexert his wrist, he’ll be able to perform on schedule.” Everyone let out a breath they didn’t know they held in. Kumon was tearing up, he was the co-lead after all, he’d been right there with Muku the entire time they were practicing. “Uuu…” He began and wrapped his arms around Jun who only smiled and ruffled his hair. “I’ll carry him inside, let the Director know I’ll be staying.” Jun turned over to the passenger door and opened it to unbuckle Muku.
“Where will you sleep then?” Yuki asked. “Azuma always has space.” He hummed. “Oh gross. Old people romance.” Tenma grimaced.