Work Text:
The funeral was long and dragged on, way past when it should’ve ended. No one knew what to say, yet everyone said too much. Speeches had been made, by the widower and the deceased’s family, then suddenly everyone wanted to come up and say how their lives had been changed by a singular person. It proved how much everyone loved them. Even the kids got up and spoke into the microphone. Their tiny voices, scared but showing signs of bravery by just being there, were enough to make half the people who had shown up cry. It wasn’t fair to leave kids without a mom. And a mom like her, at that. She had been flawless, and a wonderful aunt too.
She was, without a doubt, someone for people to look up to. Hell, even Atticus Lincoln had looked up to her. From the moment he met her, he realized that she was a force to be reckoned with. No wonder everyone loved her. She was powerful and strong and sure, had made more than a couple mistakes in her lifetime. But that didn’t matter in the end.
Most of Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital who remembered her ended up going to the funeral. And it seemed as though everyone cried at least once; some more than others. Meredith Grey, who at first hadn’t been so eager to meet the girl Derek knew, cried harder than most. If Derek Shepherd had been alive to be at the funeral, he would’ve cried too.
People kept showing up all day to pay their respects. Link and the kids tried their best to hide in the back corner to avoid being asked questions. Scout was nine, and Jemma was almost eight. Way too young to be without one of the most important figures in their lives. Way too young to understand what loss was, their own home suffering the consequences of it. A car crash coming home from a girl’s trip across the country seemed like the worst way to go out. Why did everyone have to die in a car crash? First Derek, now- it was too much for Link to bear. He just wanted people to stop hugging him and the kids and to go away. It was mean of him because all they wanted to do was help. Although being asked how you are when clearly you’re not doing great, helps no one.
In the past, when Link and Amelia had been fighting because he pushed things on her that she wasn’t ready for, Link had wondered what would’ve happened if Amelia ended up in the hospital. How would he cope, how he would’ve told Scout (at the time they only had one child). Amelia Shepherd was the love of his life. He would never get another one, and screwing up so badly back then was pure stupidity. He needed her bright gaze and infectious smile in his life. And he thanked whoever was watching over him that she gave him a second chance. Unfortunately, that second chance came with a price. Less than ten years later the unthinkable had to occur, and now Link was left to pick up the pieces. Alone, because Amelia wasn’t about to help. She very well couldn’t .
When at last the crowd started to disperse, Link gathered up his two kids with a sigh, and didn’t look back over his shoulder as he headed towards his car. He had said his goodbyes and would be back often enough to visit. She would want him to, plus it gave better closure for the kids.
Meredith hugged Link tightly. “Take care of them, will you? I’ll come by tomorrow.”
“Of course.” Link nodded in reply and climbed into the car. He fought the tears that threatened to stream down his cheeks. He needed to keep it together until he got home and got Scout and Jemma into bed. Even then he wouldn’t be entirely alone...it was never ending work for him. But he did it. He got out of bed every day and did the hard things only to collapse back into bed again. Once he got back to surgery and added that onto his list of a busy day, he'd hardly sleep to get through everything. Link assumed he was supposed to be thankful to still have people to go home to; clearly others weren’t so lucky. It still made him feel worse about everything that had happened, though.
Silence ensued on the drive home. Once the car was parked in the driveway, Link turned in his seat to look at Scout and Jemma. He searched their tired faces, and wanted nothing more to erase the last five months from their minds. After everything they had seen and been through, it was almost worse to come home to quiet.
Jemma stared at him with eyes that matched her mom’s. Her bottom lip trembled and she looked back at Link. "Daddy, is Mommy going to be okay?"
"I don't know, baby," Link began. How did he tell them "no"? Amelia had always said "yes, and I'll do it with you", even if things scared her. Now what?
"I want to go back to before." Jemma crossed her arms and stuck out her bottom lip. "Scout does too, right?"
The older boy in question, nodded. "Yeah. We want the old Mommy back."
Their request caused Link to freeze. He had expected the kids to cry or scream or ask the hard questions. He didn't expect them to want their "old Mommy" back and simply wasn't prepared to answer such a question.
Who was the old Amelia? Was it the girl he hooked up with at work because she was hot and he liked her talent as a neurosurgeon? Was it the woman he created a child with; not once but twice? Was it the mother their two children idolized and still did to this day? He didn't know anymore; he might never know. All he could do was hold her close to his heart and pray that they all were going too be okay with a piece of their family absent for the moment.
Turning back to his kids, Link said, “I wish things could be different. I really do. I wish things didn’t have to be the way they are. But you know your mommy loves you very much. She always will, even if she can’t tell you anymore.”
Jemma nodded. Scout didn’t say anything, but Link knew he understood. They were both good kids, and didn’t deserve anything that had happened. Neither did the other kids who were dealing with the repercussions of losing a loved aunt and mother. Nothing about a terrible tragedy was ever fair.
The kids and Link got out of the car and headed inside. Jemma and Scout ran upstairs to get ready for bed and say goodnight, while Link made himself some dinner. While the kids had had time to eat at the funeral—whoever brought cupcakes was very smart—Link hadn’t had a chance. Dirty dishes in the sink at least told Link that someone had come by while he was out; making him feel better about leaving the house all day. Although he had gone to the funeral for Amelia and no one else.
As he passed the living room, Link looked at the cluster of pictures on the table by the TV. The kids were in most of them, and there were a few family shots too. But his favourite was the one of just Amelia. She always hated it and threatened to throw it out every single day. But Link convinced her that it was his favourite image of her. The pair of them had just been playing peek-a-boo with Scout and Amelia’s hair was messy from a sleepless night. She looked tired but her gaze was still lively and full of love, as she smiled at Scout. In the moment, Link had pulled out his camera and surprised her. He loved looking at the picture when the days got hard. It reminded him of her and who he fell in love with. Forgetting everything bad, he just saw Amelia in the same way he had all those years ago.
Love was complicated. And before meeting his kids’ mom, Link didn’t fall in love. He liked making it and dated but never fell for someone. Of course it had to be a brilliant neurosurgeon who turned his life upside down. His parents were surprised when he told them he was going to settle down. His friends down south were even more shocked. Yet that’s what Link wanted the moment he fell into bed with Amelia Shepherd.
Link tucked the kids into bed, turned off their lights and shut the door. Then he went to his room, his and Amelia’s room, and crawled into bed. In the dark he felt around for the warm body he knew would be there and wrapped an arm around her. "I will never stop loving you," he whispered. Even though Link knew she wouldn’t reply, he was there for her. Drained after the long day at Addison Montgomery's funeral, Link spooned his wife closer, then drifted off.