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When you entered the main room of the bunker that morning, it was only Castiel’s presence that greeted you. Sam’s towering form and Dean’s gruff voice were nowhere to be found. Upon sensing your arrival, Castiel looked up from the book he was reading and greeted you.
“Good morning, Y/N. I hope you slept well.”
A soft, sleepy smile pulled at your lips and you dragged out the chair closest to him, sitting down.
“Morning, Cas. Where are Sam and Dean?”
“Ah,” he said, eyes returning to the book, “They’ve gone to pick up groceries. They left about half an hour ago.”
“Both of them?”
He looked up again and met your inquiring gaze.
“Yes, Dean was upset that Sam has forgotten to his pie twice in a row, so he went with Sam to make sure it wasn’t forgotten this time.”
You chuckled and rested your head on your hand, elbow propped upon the table.
“That sounds par for the course. I hope they bring back breakfast. What are you reading?”
Castiel closed the book, keeping his finger in between the pages so as not to lose his place. You let your eyes roam the cover.
“Oh. John Winchester’s journal.”
“Yes,” he replied, “I was curious.”
A yawn escaped your mouth and you pick your head up only to lay it back down in the crook of your arms on the table.
A few moments of peaceful silence passed, Castiel reopening the journal to continue reading while your eyes closed.
Thoughts drifted aimlessly through your mind before they suddenly turn to one in particular, a thought that had been plaguing you for a while now.
You opened your eyes again and then spoke, “I’m jealous of angels sometimes, you know?”
Castiel’s eyebrows furrowed and he looked up from the journal, gaze turning to you again.
“Why is that?”
You sat up straight and shrugged. “They don’t have genders. And it makes sense. People go ‘Oh, it’s an angel. They don’t have genders.’ And it’s acceptable. People just accept it and move on. I wish people could accept when others are unsure about their gender as easily as that.”
When Castiel didn’t reply for a while, you began to regret even voicing your opinion, embarrassment washing over you. Finally, he closed the journal completely and turned his body to face you.
“Y/N… God gave humans free will for a reason. If not having a set gender or not feeling as if the gender you were assigned is what you are, you’re free to change that. Do you feel as if you’re questioning your gender?”
A blush dusted your cheeks and you looked away from him, trying to avoid his gaze. His question sat uneasily in your mind as you thought it over. How could you possibly begin to even convey what you were feeling? Words to describe it didn’t seem to want to come to you.
Castiel sat quietly and patiently, allowing you time to think over your answer, the uncertainty showing clearly on your features.
“Sometimes…” is what you finally come to. It’s not exactly what you wanted to say but it seemed like it was the only word you could find that worked right now. Your sleep addled brain still in a hazy fog of exhaustion from tossing and turning all night.
Worriedly, you looked back to Castiel who smiled reassuringly at you.
“Then that’s all that matters,” he concluded, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder.
Relief flooded through you and you returned the smile.
“Thanks, Cas. It’s all really confusing for me right now. I can’t help but wonder if other people feel like this too…”
Castiel squeezed your shoulder lightly. “I can assure you that you are not alone in this. Many humans seem to go through what you’re currently experiencing. Please know that if you ever need to talk more about it, all you need to do is call my name and I’ll try my best to come to you.”
Tears began welling up in your eyes, making your vision of Castiel blurry. You quickly moved forward to hug him in an attempt to hide the tears from him. You knew he’d seen them but he didn’t mention them for your sake. He just patted your back softly, allowing you to hug him for as long as you needed.
You pulled away when you heard the sound of the bunker door opening, Sam and Dean’s voices drifting down the stairs to you.
Hastily, you wiped the tears from your eyes and greeted the boys as they descended, laughing when Dean held up the pie he’d gotten to show you.
Your life may have been confusing at the moment, but at least you had a support team of three overly-protective dorks who would help you along your path to becoming confident in yourself. What more could you ask for?