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Lan Qiren regularly minded his own business.
He was not averse to looking in the other direction if he noticed something--or rather someone--headache-inducing in his periphery. He had no problem with using “duties” as a teacher to his advantage when trying to weasel his way out of spending excessive time with his nephews and their husbands--don’t get him wrong. Of course, he loved Xichen and Wangji. Sect Leader Jiang was a fine young man and Wei Wuxian…for better or for worse...was Wei Wuxian.
But there was really only so much of that quartet he could handle. Things had especially taken a turn for the worse once Wangji and the Jiang Sect Leader had regrettably become...friends? Reformed-enemies?..,.“Frenemies”?
Lan Qiren really didn’t know, and so long as it didn’t affect him, he really didn’t want to know.
All he wanted to do, at the moment at least, was to make it from his latest meeting back to his quarters without any incident.
He was well aware that he’d made many mistakes in his life as a Sect Leader, a brother, an uncle, and in some aspects, as a “father” as well. Lan Qiren knew there was much he had to repent for and acknowledged that the universe didn’t owe him any favors--
But…
Just one trip back to his quarters...that’s all he was asking for.
No yelling.
No screaming.
No explosions.
No having to witness the jarring sight of his own nephew using the elder’s scrolls in ways elder’s scrolls should never be used. And no having to hear the extent of his nephew-in-law’s colorful vocabulary in retaliation…
Just one walk. That’s all he wanted.
~~
“Why should you get to?”
“He’s my husband!”
“And he’s my brother.” Lan Wangji’s glare hardened. “I knew him first.”
“So?” Jiang Cheng hissed, tugging on the bottle even harder, but Lan Wangji’s iron-grip wouldn’t give. “He likes me better!”
Lan Wangji paused, a minute frown appearing on his face.
“...Did he say that…?”
“...”
“...”
Jiang Cheng groaned, rolling his eyes towards the heavens. “Fine, no, he didn’t. And stop that!”
“…?”
“Your mouth is doing the thing! Stop it!”
Lan Wangji pouted even more, tugging on the bottle even harder. “What thing?”
“That thing! You’re pouting!” Jiang Cheng tugged back while gesturing towards Lan Wangji’s face with his head. “My idiot brother must’ve rubbed off on you.”
“In more ways than one.”
Lan Wangji’s pout turned into the most barely visible grin at Jiang Cheng’s immediate disgust. He took the Sect Leader’s distraction to his advantage and pulled on the potion bottle with all his might, calling upon decades of arm strength training all for this moment. But to his dismay, Jiang Cheng was simply pulled along with it.
“I thought you were weak,” Lan Wangji sounded disappointed.
Jiang Cheng gawked at him.
“You are very small in stature--” Lan Wangji attempted to elaborate.
“I’m three centimeters shorter than you?!”
“That’s very brave of you to admit, Jiang Wanyin-”
“Oh piss off-”
“I admire your candor.”
“The provocation in your soul is remarkable.”
Both Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji were both grinning at this point, far too enthralled by their vicious battle--pseudo-tug-of-war-- to see who would bring the potion they procured together from a village a few kilometers north, to Lan Xichen.
The alternative option of bringing it to him together never once crossed their minds.
For every tug on the bottle, there was a resounding counter-pull twice as strong. The glass began making worrying noises as it was gripped and jostled back and forth.
“I will lick your hand if you don’t let go.”
“You wouldn’t-!”
Lan Wangji did.
Jiang Cheng recoiled, letting go of the bottle with a shriek, and apparently, that was the bottle’s final straw. The glass shattered in mid-air, with the potion spraying out from the side.
However, in the midst of all their antics, neither cultivator had noticed the newcomer who had been desperately trying to ignore and sidestep their fight. It was almost comical the way the potion landed on said newcomer, as if it were all happening in slow motion.
Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji froze. Barely moving their faces, they slowly shifted their eyes to look at each other in terror, and then back forwards to stare at the scene upon them in horror.
“Oh my god!”
“Uncle…”
~~
Lan Qiren wiped the potion off of his face with a grimace. Face set into an unyielding scowl, he turned towards the guilty pair, intent on giving them a piece of his mind--because at the end of the day, no matter how honorable or revered Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji were in the cultivation world, an angry Lan Qiren remained a force to be reckoned with.
And while the pair did look absurdly guilty, and even a bit fearful, there was a wave of shock that took prevalence among their features.
“Uncle…?” Lan Wangji repeated, this time with his brows furrowed.
“Oh my god…” Jiang Cheng also repeated, though there was added weight to his words.
Lan Qiren angrily wiped more potion off of his face as he felt the liquid drip down from his hair...but that’s when he noticed the lower half of his face was...smoother than usual.
The teacher tensed and began frantically patting his face.
Thankfully, he still had eyebrows but there was no beard nor goatee.
“What-?” Lan Qiren snapped his mouth shut, thrown off by just how high-pitched his voice sounded in comparison--it almost reminded him of Xichen’s voice when his nephew had been much younger. “What was in that potion?”
“We weren’t sure…” Jiang Cheng winced, still staring at Lan Qiren in disbelief. “But...uh…”
“Uncle, please do not panic.” Lan Wangji was doing a remarkable job at keeping his tone even. Though his attempts were rather useless with his present company who could see easily through the facade.
Lan Qiren’s brow twitched on its own accord.
Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji glanced at each other and then led Lan Qiren to the nearest body of water they could find, and Lan Qiren had to watch the path to his quarters get smaller and smaller in the distance.
Just one peaceful walk.
Apparently, it was far too much to ask.
“And…” Lan Wangji continued once they stood by the edge of the lake. “Please do not get angry…”
“But if you wanted to get angry at someone, I would suggest Lan Wangji-” Jiang Cheng mumbled, respectfully.
“Coward.”
“Yes. And?!”
Lan Qiren studiously ignored them and then peered into the lake, wondering if his nephew and nephew-in-law had truly brought him all the way out here to look at some fish. He wouldn’t have put it past them.
But then he truly focused in on his reflection.
To his left was his nephew, golden eyes doing their best not to meet his Uncle’s gaze in the water.
To the right was Jiang Wanyin, who had forgone his usual scowl in exchange for an incredibly apologetic frown.
And in the middle was…
Who was that?
The face staring back at him was at least two--no three-- three decades younger than he. For a moment, he thought he was looking at a hyperelastic portrait of Xichen or Wangji as late teens or young adults, but evidently, that wasn’t the case.
The young man in the water looked exactly like him, but it was the key differences that made Lan Qiren’s mind begin to melt. They had the same golden eyes, but there were virtually no wrinkles or crows’ feet around the man’s in the water. And his reflection had a smooth face, devoid of any facial hair or markings on his face accumulated by age...
Lan Qiren slowly raised one hand in front of them, and watched with bated breath as his younger counterpart mirrored him in the water.
That wasn’t just a counterpart, that wasn’t just some warped reflection…
Lan Qiren felt his heart begin to race.
“I believe Jiang Wanyin and I have figured out the effects of the potion now.” Lan Wangji announced, completely unhelpfully.
“Oh!” Jiang Cheng snapped his fingers, recalling something important. “Lan Wangji, the waterfall we saw wasn’t the “Fountain of Youth”-”
“…The potion was...”
“So you two…” Lan Qiren began, completely disregarding the fact that any disciple who was to come across them at the moment would’ve had to witness what looked like a random disciple scolding two of the strongest cultivators alive. “Were playing tug-of-war, in the middle of Cloud Recesses, with a substance you knew nothing about? One that could’ve been dangerous? One that could’ve been lethal?”
One that could’ve made a sixty-year-old man appear to be in his early twenties on the outside meanwhile he suffered as the same bitter old man on the inside?
“We’re sorry!” Jiang Cheng’s face was blanched. “We weren’t thinking-!”
Lan Wangji nodded in earnest, “Yes, as Jiang Wanyin has said, he apologizes profusely-”
“‘He?!’” Jiang Cheng attempted to whisper meanwhile Lan Qiren poked at his newly juvenile face, entranced and horrified.
“Mn.”
“Don’t start with me, Hanguang-jun. I swear after I’m done with you, you won’t be able to walk for a week-!”
Lan Wangji squinted at him.
Jiang Cheng paused, and then started violently shaking his head, horrified. “Not like that-!”
“I have not said anything-”
“Fuck you-”
“It seems like you are trying to, however...-”
Jiang Cheng started screaming into the palms of his hands, lamenting over his “stupid, good-for-nothing brother’s” influence on his equally as stupid and good-for-nothing brother-in-law.
“Enough!” Lan Qiren hissed, with a wondrous voice crack courtesy of his current predicament. The novelty of his situation was getting old, very quickly. “You.” He pointed a crooked finger at Lan Wangji, who was visibly trying to hold back a reaction to his earlier blunder, “Go to the library. Find any information you can.” He pointed at Jiang Cheng who looked ready to adhere to any order Lan Qiren, made despite his status as a Sect Leader.
“And you,” Lan Qiren sighed, softening his tone, “Assist my nephew in any way you can.”
Jiang Cheng’s eyes widened, whilst Lan Wangji’s slightly narrowed, but he nodded politely all the same.
And Lan Qiren attempted to ignore the crude things Wangji and Jiang Wanyin mouthed at each other as they went their separate ways, but look where that had gotten him.
He resolved to go and find his other nephew and explain the situation to him. It was unlikely, but perhaps Xichen had a certain insight that Lan Qiren didn’t.
~~
Meanwhile in the library...
“What about this one?”
“...”
“...?”
“That’s a recipe book…”
“Mn.”
“A recipe book-”
“I’m only a few pages in, but so far they’ve showcased many different types of soups-”
“You dumbass! Do you want your Uncle to look like he’s twenty forever?”
“...”
“Lan Wangji?!”
“It suits him, does it not?”
He had a point, but Jiang Cheng was prepared to die before admitting that a young Lan Qiren was actually quite...uh...
“There is also a section on dumplings…”
“...Give it here…”
~~
A young Lan Qiren arrived at the library with a mystified Lan Xichen in tow, who had abruptly taken a break from his Sect Leader duties because this did warrant as an emergency.
Lan Xichen couldn’t stop staring at the man as he led them to the library. He spoke and walked with the poise and wisdom of the elder that he was, but he looked at least a decade younger than Lan Xichen at the moment.
The juxtaposition of it was rather jarring.
“Are you following, Xichen?” Lan Qiren snapped his fingers in front of his nephew’s face.
“Uh...uh...yes, Uncle…” Lan Xichen offered him a strained smile. Lan Qiren hummed and continued speaking.
It was very odd indeed.
Lan Xichen couldn’t tell who he looked more similar to. At moments, as Lan Qiren explained everything that had happened up until now, he looked calm and serene, almost identical to a younger Lan Xichen himself. But then he’d get a blank look on his face or his eyes would harden as he tried to surmise theories as to how and why this had happened and he’d look identical to a young Lan Wangji.
Very odd indeed.
“I expect those two idi-” Lan Qiren snapped his mouth shut, a small dusting of red blooming on his cheeks. “Gentlemen. Ahem. I expect those two gentlemen have made some sort of progress with their research.”
Lan Xichen had to stifle a bark of laughter.
Apparently, with a younger body came a, marginally, younger mind. Though it was obvious his Uncle still retained the last three decades of his life, it seemed as though the chemicals in his body were also partially affecting his behavior.
For instance, the number of times Lan Qiren had to bite his tongue to keep from accidentally insulting one of their many family members verbally was,..impressive to say the least.
And his facial expressions, while still controlled and exemplary of the Lan Sect, were now just the slightest bit easier to interpret.
He was extremely handsome, Lan Xichen noted objectively. Though the Sect Leader hardly paid any attention to the rankings--because Jiang Cheng had been and always would be the most beautiful person he’d ever laid eyes on--he had to concede that in this state, his Uncle would easily be hailed as one of the most handsome cultivators alive...if not the most handsome.
Lan Xichen, however, prided himself on being the more tactful brother, so he decided not to form his hypothesis out loud.
After a few moments, they’d finally arrived at the library.
~~
“You’re wrong!” Jiang Cheng hissed cracking his electric whip at Lan Wangji, to which the Lan evaded him with practiced ease.
“And you’re biased.” Lan Wangji shot back. Bichen collided with Zidian’s purple lighting and the pair were both thrust backwards by the force. The Lan continued, however, undeterred. “You couldn’t fathom what you don’t understand.”
Jiang Cheng growled, sending more spiritual energy through his next attack.
“What’s there to understand? It’s immoral. It’s wrong!”
Lan Wangji scoffed, quietly, dodging another blast. “You seek to destroy what you fear-”
Suddenly the doors swung wide open and in came a stunned Lan Xichen and a horrified Lan Qiren.
The elder Lan--well, actually, he wasn’t an elder at this moment. In fact, he was currently the youngest--could feel his ears begin turning red with rage.
“What is the meaning of this?!”
Lan Xichen found himself fighting back a startled cackle at the horrendous voice crack.
Ah. Youth.
“W-well…” Jiang Cheng immediately depowered Zidian and shot his husband a pleading look. Lan Xichen sent him a gentle loving smile but made absolutely no move to defend him. “Uh…”
“Jiang Wanyin is close-minded,” Lan Wangji began, solemnly.
“Asshole!” Jiang Cheng snarled, now apathetic towards their audience. “He wants to steam a tray’s worth of dumplings, inside of one dumpling. How would that even work?!”
“Believe in me-”
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
Lan Qiren gasped, slapping his hands over his mouth.
He hadn’t meant to- It had not been his intention to- He-
Lan Xichen’s jaw dropped.
Immediately all of the anger and tension vanished from Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji’s faces. Jiang Cheng couldn’t believe his ears and Lan Wangji looked like he was about to malfunction.
And as if the situation weren’t already bad enough-
“There you guys are!” Wei Wuxian burst into the library, looking as well-rested and oblivious to the conundrum as ever. “Xichen-ge, I thought we were gonna have lunch today…”
Lan Xichen tried his very best to respond, as calmly as possible, “A-ah, yes...we...uh…”
Wei Wuxian glanced at his husband and his brother whose jaws were all-but dropped to the floor. He followed the direction of their gaze.
“Oh?” Wei Wuxian’s eyes brightened. Lan Zhan would always be the love of his life, the most stunning man he’d ever laid eyes on…
But Wei Wuxian still had those eyes.
“And who are you?” The ex-demonic cultivator used said eyes to give the absurdly handsome stranger an obvious once-over...which turned into a twice-over because holy shit what were they feeding the Lans these days?
There was a choked-off noise in the background, but Wei Wuxian paid it no mind. He was only teasing, of course, the man looked to be an adult as well, but was far too young and decidedly not his soulmate.
But, alas, Wei Wuxian was a harbinger of chaos...just like 90% of his found family.
The handsome stranger's face somehow went from angry to furious within mere moments.
“I think I’d remember seeing someone like you around here…” Wei Wuxian pretended to be in deep thought.
“Wei Ying…” Lan Xichen’s voice croaked out from beside him.
“What? I’m just messing around!” Wei Wuxian raised his hands up in defense, glancing around the room. Jiang Cheng looked pained and mortified. Lan Wangji looked like he was legitimately going to die--of anger? Jealousy? Embarrassment? Exasperation? Discomfort? Only time would tell.
“Wei Ying, that’s...uncle…”
Wei Wuxian blinked.
The absurdly good-looking stranger looked positively murderous.
Oh!
It’s the familiarity of the expression that made it click.
Wei Wuxian gasped and turned back towards his husband. “Lan Zhan! You never told me your uncle used to be hot!”
“...”
“Wei Wuxian!”
“Wei Ying…”
Without batting an eye, or saying a word, Lan Qiren turned around and simply left.
“Look what you did!” Jiang Cheng hissed, chasing after him, determined to remain in his uncle-in-law’s good graces.
“It’s not my fault, A-Cheng, I know you think he’s hot too!” Wei Wuxian yelled after him. Jiang Cheng slammed the door shut on his way out but notably did not argue.
“Ah! But don’t worry, Lan Zhan. I’ll only ever have eyes for you!”
Lan Wangji only seemed slightly mollified by this, even more so, when Wei Wuxian offered him a kiss before he too ran off after Jiang Cheng, hoping to find Lan Qiren before disaster struck (read: an early qi deviation)
And then Wei Wuxian was being dragged off by a perpetually sighing Lan Xichen, blabbering the entire time.
“...and I’d never trade Lan Zhan for anyone, but wow! You guys have amazing genes…”
And Wei Wuxian heard Lan Xichen start mumbling something about needing stronger tea.
~~
Two Weeks Later
The potion, the “Fountain of Youth” as some texts called it, wore off from anywhere from two weeks to a month depending on the amount used. It was relatively harmless, but the reason it was frowned upon by the cultivation world, in general, was because excessive use disrupted the natural aging process thus disrupting the body’s natural state of being.
That and, those who usually sought out the potion for personal gain, usually ended up far worse for it, for a plethora of reasons.
But, once the effects of the potion were reversed, after a few trips to the healers Lan Qiren would be more than fine.
Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji had been relieved.
Currently, they, along with their husbands, were on their way to their next Conference as part of the week-long panels the Lan Sect was holding, when suddenly their path was obscured by none other than--
“I demand an execution!” Sect Leader Yao waved his fist in front of Lan Xichen’s face, which immediately had three deadly glares on him in an instant.
The Yao disciple at his side had a bit more common sense.
He bowed, trying to push a furious Sect Leader Yao away. The menace in question was sporting a black eye.
Lan Xichen cleared his throat. “An...execution?” He tried to remain civil.
“One of your psychotic disciples attacked me, unprovoked, last night!”
The Yao disciple at his side nodded in earnest. “He was wearing your Sect’s robes! And-! And...he was quite handsome actually...ahem...uh...B-but he punched Sect Leader Yao in the face and then sped off!”
And at that very moment, Lan Qiren walked upon the scene, back in all of his oldened glory, no longer appearing as a young man, but as the wise, revered elder he truly was.
“Sect Leader Yao, I assure you, we will find the disciple who did this to you and punish them without any hesitation.”
Sect Leader Yao sniffed, looking relieved. “Do tell me just how you’ll punish them.”
Lan Qiren nodded sagely and began leading Sect Leader Yao in the opposite direction of the quartet, without sparing anyone else a glance.
He’d be making a trip to the healer soon after this. One, to assess the current state of his body due to the effects of the potion wearing off, and two, to procure some ice for his knuckles: though he was no longer de-aged, they still remained rather sore from last night.