Chapter Text
“Oh my God. Oh my God. My life flashed before my eyes. It was so incredible and inspiring, but I didn’t need to see it twice.”
“You are so dramatic, shut up.”
“Don’t tell me to shut up, young man, or I’ll take away all your nerf guns or whatever the hell kids do these days.”
“I don’t have Nerf guns, oh my God, you’re so old.”
“And you are so incredibly dangerous. Kid, you need to use one foot for both pedals.”
“Um, absolutely not.”
“Absolutely yes.”
“Why would there be two pedals unless my two feet are supposed to operate both at the same time???”
“Because not everyone uses the same absolutely broken logic that you do and--nnnnnf!!!”
Tony lurched against his seatbelt as Harley stomped on the accelerator. Again. Harley hit the brake, but he was pushing the gas at the same time. The car whined sadly in confusion.
“Kid. If you don’t start using your right foot only for the pedals, I am cancelling your birthday.”
“What???? You can’t cancel my birthday!” Harley huffed, running a hand through his floppy brown hair.
“I am extremely rich. And very influential. I’ll call Hallmark and blip. August 18 no longer exists.”
“My birthday is not August 18!”
“It is now. And August 18 doesn’t exist any more. Wealth makes the world go round, bud. All hail capitalism.”
“You are the worst,” Harley growled. “You’re supposed to be helping me.”
“I am. I’m motivating you. Or do you want to get your birthday deleted?”
“You’re not even paying attention!” Harley fumed.
“I am absolutely paying attention,” Tony said, staring at his phone.
“You’re playing Candy Crush!!” Harley accused.
“I said I was paying attention. I didn’t say what I was paying attention to. Now zip it, I’ve got a good combo going here.”
And then, silence. Pregnant pause.
Pregnant with triplets pause.
Tony glanced up from his phone. Harley was staring at the steering wheel, his jaw set, and it looked like--
“Aww, kid, come on, don’t do that,” Tony groaned. “Look, it’s okay, I don’t think the car is mad at you. I haven’t invented sentient cars yet. You’re in the clear.”
“I just--thought you were gonna help me,” Harley muttered, wiping his eyes. “It’s whatever. It’s just--my mom is working all the time so she doesn’t really have time and--everybody already has their license and I’m just--stuck. Stuck in this stupid town without a stupid dad. It’s fine. You can just--go back to New York, I know you’ve got more important stuff to do.”
Tony was quiet for a moment. He took off his sunglasses and turned to Harley.
“Look,” he said quietly. “I said I’d help you do this and I meant it. Shit like this just takes time, but you’ll get it, okay?”
“I have to put in fifty hours,” Harley said miserably.
“Okay. No big deal. I mean, what the hell else am I gonna do with my time? Save the world? Boring. Done it a hundred times.”
Harley’s knuckles were nearly white as he gripped the steering wheel, his gaze fixed forward.
“You--don’t have to do this for me,” he mumbled. “Like--waste your time.”
“Hey.” Tony’s voice was sharp. Harley’s eyes immediately snapped to his, still a little red-rimmed with tears. “You are not a waste of my time. And I mean that.”
Harley swallowed. He sniffled and wiped his eyes with his shoulder.
“Ah--thanks,” he said quietly--and then let out a little embarrassed huff. “God, I can’t believe I cried.”
“I can. Your simultaneous braking and accelerating nearly brought out the same grief in me. I mean, do you know how much this car cost?”
Harley groaned. “Is this what every time driving together is gonna be like?”
“Yup. Ohhhh, poor Harley Keener, he has to spend time with the most incredible billionaire on the planet and drive his beautiful cars. Your life is so hard, kiddo. Now practice switching pedals. I wasn’t kidding about cancelling your birthday. Go kiss June 12 goodbye. But don’t actually kiss a calendar, you might get arrested. Always ask for consent.”
“You knew.”
Tony glanced at Harley, sliding his sunglasses on.
“I knew what?”
Harley was barely repressing a smile. “When my birthday is. June 12.”
“Of course I knew, moron,” Tony huffed. “What kind of pseudo father uncle cool older brother do you think I am? Now drive, kid. Every second that passes brings us one step closer to getting froyo. I wasn't kidding about us getting froyo after, by the way. I would say ice cream, but who am I to deprive the world from these abs?”
And Harley couldn’t hold back his smile any more.
And as he drove, he quietly thought to himself,
So this is what it’s like to have a dad. It’s pretty awesome.
And Tony thought about what it’d be like to have a son.
Man. Paternal instincts are a real bitch.
He was gonna have to talk to Pepper later.