Chapter Text
Lucifer sipped his scotch and glared at the TV screen in front of him. "Oh, C'mon! Even I draw the line at incest! I'd never get someone to shag their half sibling. Hot step sibling, depends on if they grew up together. Nor would I have my own spawns running around; I'm not Amenediel," he yelled at the screen. He was too busy being mad about The Devil's Advocate he didn't hear the elevator door ding. He did hear the person who stepped out.
"Ah, is this a bad time?" Trixie asked, upon seeing Lucifer talking to his TV. She had a bowl of maraschino cherries with her.
Lucifer sat up from his place on the couch. "Figures you pop up right as this insult to my existence is ending." He zeroed in on the cherries. "Did you swipe those from downstairs?"
"You have so many," Trixie defended her theft. "Didn't think you'd care."
"That was before I found out you did Maze's dirty work with the story about the ring. Also before I had to listen to your mother tell me all about you knowing I'm the devil before she did." He looked back at the TV. The cable guide told him it was close to the end. "Go snack. I want to see the end then I'll deal with you."
"Well, vanity is a good sin but some of us have reason to be vain," Lucifer summed up after the movie ended. "That was an insult."
Trixie moved from her seat at the bar to the couch. "What was that about?" she asked.
"A movie about me, supposedly. Devil's Advocate, yeah right. I'd never use lawyers to do my bidding on Earth, too untrustworthy. I'm far better looking than Al Pacino, especially nineties Pacino. That voice is not smooth like mine. The only time I drive women to take their clothes off is through charm, not making them insane to get their husbands to work for me. I never had plans for the millennium. Computer nerds caused millennium panic all on their own and those awful televangelists probably make a fortune telling people this is the millennium my non-existent plan comes to pass but none of that is me. And don't get me started on the whole anti-Christ thing, I don't even know if that's true."
Trixie shook her head. "Stereotypes are bad. Even I know that."
"Thank you! It's discrimination. I've yet to see a movie that flatters me as I deserve."
"You should make a social media campaign to bring awareness. I know how to use snapchat. I can help you! We can get Hollywood to portray you the way you deserve!"
"And what does the little urchin think I deserve? A movie about a hapless devil who gets outwitted by a deceptive child?"
"I wasn't deceptive," Trixie argued. "I wanted to know the story. I've always liked your ring and any story that would make Maze pay me to get had to be worth knowing. I would have asked you at some point anyway but Maze asked me before I did on my own. You didn't tell me not to tell Maze. If you had and then I told Maze that would be deceptive."
Lucifer weighed her explanation. "I guess that's acceptable." He took the last two cherries from the bowl for spite, however. "Your parents were surprised to find out you know I'm the Devil. Which, I've suspected you've known but why have we never specified it once and for all?"
Trixie sighed and rolled her eyes. "Grown ups," she muttered. "I didn't know I had to. I figured you knew I believed you, which you do. I didn't know I knew before my parents did."
"You don't have lots of questions?" Lucifer asked. "About Hell or Dad or… anything?"
"You tell me lots of stuff without saying 'Lucifer I know you're the devil so…' Sometimes I've had questions but you keep talking and by the time I have an opening I for-"
"I don't talk too much," Lucifer cut her off. The child merely blinked at him. "Why are you here?"
"Well, I figured my Mom would tell you I told her I got the Lilith story for Maze and I wanted to make sure we're still friends."
"'Still' implies we were," Lucifer pointed out.
"There probably isn't a devil movie that shows you're so funny," Trixie replied. "But now that you know I wasn't being deceptive, I also wanna ask you something and I didn't want to wait. My friend Lisa has a baby sister and Lisa wants me to go to the baby's baptism 'cause her parents say she can have a friend there. I asked what that was and she told me. Will you be mad if I go?"
"Is there a party after?"
"Yeah."
"Never turn down a meal on someone else's dime. I'll make the recommendation to your mother to not be generous with the gift since this baby will probably grow up to be disappointed in Dad so your gift won't matter in the scheme of things." Lucifer shrugged. "If you tell the priest your friend The Devil says no one has ever been in hell for not having some water on their head, make sure you record it for me." Immediately after he said it, he realized what he said.
Trixie grinned. "See? My friend!"
"I was just being polite," the Devil indignantly protested his slip of the tongue. Trixie's feet began to stretch their way out to the coffee table. "Literal hell will be paid if you dare put those shoes on my table!"
"You'd never put me in hell," Trixie declared. "I don't deserve it."
"Put those shoes on my table and we'll see."
Since Trixie thought Lucifer looked like he could have a heart attack at the thought of her sneakers touching the table she took her shoes off, then put her feet on the table. "Better?"
"Maybe there is an anti-Christ," Lucifer mumbled.
"I was thinking yesterday about next year I'm going to a new school with middle school kids and kids in my grade will be from other areas. That means new kids to find out about Mom's movies and pick on me. What should I do?"
"You just send them to me." Not that he liked her. It just infuriated him to think about anyone being mean to her.
Trixie leapt over to give him a hug, causing the devil to yelp and cringe. "You're the best!"
Lucifer looked down at his white shirt. "You're lucky there's no cherry juice on my shirt. Though Amenadiel's offspring does worse."
"I have a question. Why is my Dad suddenly asking my Mom questions about your Mom?"
"Ah. He's on that? I guess he's assuming you and I could have been step siblings but I would have never let it happen."
"Oh that could be fun!"
"No it wouldn't. Though, I do have worse siblings."
"I wanna be a sister. Do you think you and Mom will have a baby?"
Lucifer sprayed the scotch that he just put in his mouth in Trixie's face accidentally. "It takes me several days to recover from my times as Uncle Lucifer." Trixie ran to wash her face. "That was an accident but the disgust you're feeling is what infant spawns are like. I was careful back when I thought no celestial could have a child, I'm extra since Amenadiel did. I'm fairly sure if I could have a child Daddy Dearest would punish me enough for one of those creepy reality shows. The media isn't kind to the idea of my non-existent spawns either, can't imagine what would happen if I actually had one."
Once Trixie was done washing she stood on her tiptoes in front of Lucifer who stood by the sink. "Since we were talking about you being the devil, can I finally see your face?"
"Oh, I don't know. Your Mum wouldn't like it."
"I've seen Maze's face. I won't be scared. I could never be scared of you."
"I do have to have some level of bad about me! Don't speak of me like I'm some fuzzie puppy."
"Pleeeaaase?"
Well, Charlie didn't seem to mind. "Quickly. And no one finds out, you got that?" Trixie nodded. Lucifer flashed his devil face.
Trixie gasped in horror. "It's nothing like Halloween costumes of you! How is everyone so wrong?" The face didn't phase her otherwise, because Lucifer was her friend, how he looked didn't matter.
"I don't know, actually."
"Can I touch it?" Lucifer bent down and Trixie felt it. "Oh it's soft."
"Yes, well, moisturizing is an important aspect of self-care."
Lucifer's phone rang. It was a bartender downstairs who needed him for a delivery problem, so Trixie got her shoes and Ubered herself through the account Maze let's her use back home.
Later That Night:
Chloe and Trixie sat at the dinner table. "Mom, can I get a Twitter account?" Trixie asked.
"No. That's for older kids and adults."
"But famous people are on Twitter and you can tweet them. I have to tweet Hollywood and tell them they're all wrong about Lucifer! His face, how he acts, everything. "
"No," Chloe repeated. "Lucifer doesn't need you playing Devil's Advocate on Twitter."
"I think he does. That movie bothers him."
/Why can't she just want to tweet Harry Styles like other girls?/ Chloe thought.
TBC
Note: Hope you enjoyed this chapter. There's one more coming where Trixie is not happy about how Satan is mentioned at the baptism... and maybe someone decides to crash the party.