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“Cas… can we talk about… what you said… before the empty took you?”
“Of course, Dean.”
“Because it’s the only thing I’ve been thinking about ever since that happened… god, this isn’t gonna be easy to say-“
“Look, Dean,” Cas interrupted. “you don’t have to pity me or say things to make me feel better, okay? I made my choice. And I would do it again and again if I had to. What I said is true, happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being. And I’m happy to just be here with you.”
Dean shook his head, “Cas… I’ve had a lot of time to think… to think about… what I would say to you if I ever got you back. And this is what I want to say: I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I dragged you into all of this. Every bad thing that ever happened to you was my fault, and you didn’t deserve any of it. And I don’t deserve you. I’m fucked up and you know it. The only reason you told me how you felt was because you knew you wouldn’t be able to stay with me afterwards. It’s one thing wanting something and another thing having it. If I were someone else, someone with a pure soul, someone worthy of an angel’s touch… I would take your hand in mine and never let go. But I’m a human. I’m the most imperfect of God’s creations, and he has a lot of imperfect creations. But you… you’re grace and wings and light and rivers and roses and rain and fire and warmth… and I don’t deserve that. You belong in heaven… and I’m pretty sure I’m going to hell when all this is over. Especially because… I love you, too, Cas.”
Dean had avoided looking at Cas during his whole speech, so he didn’t see the tears rolling down Cas’ cheeks, or the bright smile he was casting on Dean, or when he had stepped closer to Dean. But Dean did feel soft hands on his cheeks, and wet lips on his lips.