Work Text:
Call me when you get a chance.
A message like that from Zhang Jing never boded well, so Xiao Zhan immediately called her the moment there was a break in filming.
“Tencent wants you to film a travel show for them,” she said without any preamble.
He was puzzled, a request like that was not uncommon. It certainly didn’t call for such a curt reaction from his manager.
“You’ll travel around China in a RV visiting less well-known sights. It’ll be shot by one cameraman, there will be cameras on the van and you can film your own clips with equipment they provide. They anticipate that the filming will take about four months.”
The more she laid out the idea, the more puzzled he became, this sounded like a dream to him, almost like a holiday. “This sounds great, so what’s the catch?”
Xiao Zhan heard Zhang Jing take a breath before she continued, “They want you to film it with Wang Yibo.”
Oh. That explained her tension. A refusal was on the tip of his tongue when his manager rushed in, “before you say no, just know that it was a request put in by Tencent’s boss and they will let you have the role in that movie you want as well as another of your choosing. I know this is not ideal, but think about the opportunities.”
Not ideal was an understatement, but Zhang Jing would not be pushing the case if she didn’t think that this was a good opportunity for him and he really did owe Tencent for their support through the years, even through the bad spots.
He sighed, “Let me think about it, Jing-jie.”
“Ok, take some time...but not too much time! You’ve a couple of offers around that period too, so we need to know to adjust your schedule.” For all that his manager was sympathetic to his problems, she was also practical.
After some other instructions for his upcoming work appointments, Xiao Zhan hung up the phone, but thankfully, he was called back on set immediately and there was no time to let his mind fixate uselessly on the offer.
He was in bed before he let his mind dwell on the offer again. It’d been there niggling in his mind the whole day, but he’d forcefully pushed it back in order to concentrate on his job. But now he was free to do nothing but think about what he was going to do. Xiao Zhan was exhausted from his long day, but his mind was in such turmoil that he knew he wasn’t going to get any rest that night.
It had been awkward whenever they met at events after he and Wang Yibo had broken up, friends have said that they could literally feel the temperature drop when Yibo spotted Xiao Zhan at those events. Xiao Zhan had tried approaching the other man once, but having Yibo give him the cut direct had shrivelled his guts and he’d never dared try again. After that, his team had tried their best to allow him to avoid the other man. But on occasions where that was not possible, he’d minimise the amount of time he spent at the event so that Wang Yibo need not spend too much time in his presence.
He couldn’t deny that this would be a good opportunity for him, but it would be the same for Wang Yibo. They’d have offered him the same terms and he knew the other man needed a break as much as he did. As good as it would be for him, Xiao Zhan told himself that the least he could do was to let Wang Yibo film the programme in peace, in recompense. Thus resolved, he sent a text to Zhang Jing telling her to send a polite rejection to the producers. Despite him reasoning that this would be the best solution, he couldn’t deny that a big part of him was disappointed that he would not have the chance to film this programme with Wang Yibo. They’d have so much fun on a trip like this if they still had what they did back then. But regret was for fools, he did what he did and he had to live with the consequences.
The phone call from Zhang Jing the next morning roused him from the uneasy sleep he fell into in the early morning. She didn’t shout, because she was too classy for that, but the deep disappointment in her voice carried through the phone and he felt like he had let her down. He tried to explain, “It’s not that I don’t want to do this and I know that I’m letting go of a really good opportunity, but I just can’t do it to him. If he wants to do this, he should do it and I shouldn’t make it uncomfortable for him.”
Zhang Jing sighed, “Zhan zhan, I understand that you feel like you owe him, but it’s been years, don’t you think it’s time to get over it? He might already have let it go. It even might mean a new start for the both of you.”
Xiao Zhan chuckled, “With everything you know of Wang Yibo, do you think he’d have let it go?”
The silence on the other side of the phone dragged on for a bit, but Zhang Jing rallied on, “At least let me reach out to his team before you reject this. He might not be interested in it, after all, it is a little different from all the things he’s done recently.”
“Ok, but if he wants to do it, we let this go. I’m sorry. I know I’m wasting an opportunity here, but I...just can’t,” Xiao Zhan replied, one hand rubbing his eyes in frustration. He appreciated how his manager fought so tenaciously for him all the time, but at times like this, when she fought against him (admittedly in his own interest), he hated her a little.
“Fine, if he says he doesn’t want you to do this, I’ll let Tencent know you chickened out,”
“Jieeeeee...”
His manager let out a laugh at his whining tone, “I’m going to let you go get ready. Your morning call is in 30 minutes, so go! I’ll handle Wang Yibo”
He managed to not slam his phone down on his bed.
Two weeks after that call, Xiao Zhan received a text from Zhang Jing
His team said to do whatever we want. It matters not to their boss.
I’m letting Tencent know we’re on board.
Xiao Zhan’s throat dried up - shouldn’t this ambivalence from Wang Yibo be good, it meant that he’d moved on, that maybe he didn’t hate Xiao Zhan anymore. But a part of him was undeniably upset, that he didn’t matter to the other man anymore. He scolded himself for such silly thoughts, he was the one who broke it off, he should be glad that Wang Yibo had apparently gotten over it and maybe, just maybe, they could start on a clean slate and be friends again.
Knowing Wang Yibo, it would be a lot to hope for, but the hope was there nonetheless.
The day of the pre-production meeting was bright and clear, in direct contrast to his mood. Xiao Zhan was apprehensive and had been on tenterhooks since the night before. He’d survived the intervening months through sheer avoidance - he’d refused to include the meeting in his personal calendar, relying on his team’s competence to get him where he needed to when he needed to.
It was with no small trepidation that his assistant reminded him last night after he got off work that he was needed at the Tencent offices in the afternoon the next day. Xiao Zhan had paused as his heart seemed to skip a beat. He had nodded in acknowledgement without saying a word and got out of the car in his basement.
He took a little more care with his appearance that morning, telling himself that he would do the same meeting any other production team. Xiao Pang, his assistant, did a double take, “Boss, you look...nice today.”
The other man paused, one hand caught in the midst of smoothing out the front of his shirt, “Don’t I always look nice?”
His assistant flushed, although he should have been used to his boss’ teasing nature by now, “Of course you always do! But, just a little bit nicer…,” he trailed off awkwardly when he remembered who they were going to meet today.
When Xiao Zhan and his team entered the meeting room, he saw that Wang Yibo and his team were already seated. For a moment he was struck by the fact that he and Wang Yibo were going to be in the same room in years. He only moved to take a seat after he was prodded by Xiao Pang.
The meeting commenced and the producer talked about their vision for the show and what they were expected to do. All the while Xiao Zhan was very aware of the fact that not once did Wang Yibo turn to even glance at him. So obvious a fact that even members of his team started to fidget and looked nervously at the other team.
He realised then that this was a major mistake, how could they work on something like this when Wang Yibo could not even stand being in the same room as him. Xiao Zhan cleared his throat, “Sir,” The man he interrupted paused, “if it’s not too inconvenient, could Wang Yibo and I step out for a moment for a quick discussion?”
“Er, of course. Please.”
Hearing that, Wang Yibo stood up and walked out the door without a backward glance. Xiao Zhan took a deep breath and followed the other man.
Outside, Wang Yibo just stared at him with a raised brow.
Xiao Zhan sighed, “Look, I know Tencent called in this favour with us, and we don’t really have a choice. But if you really hate the idea of working with me, tell me and screw the consequences, I’ll back out. You don’t need to suffer through this.”
“I don’t know why you think that, but I’m telling you I don’t care if you’re on it. You can do whatever you want.” With that said, Wang Yibo walked back into the meeting room.
Xiao Zhan covered his face and let out a short scream into his hands.
His luggage situation was a disaster. With years of experience living out of his suitcase, one would think that he’d be a pro at packing, but the thought of spending months in an enclosed space with Wang Yibo meant he’d packed with comfort in mind.
Comfort meant plushies, lots of them.
He’d in fact squashed half of one suitcase full of his plushies and it took his self control to not stuff more in. Add to that the sheer amount of clothes that he needed to be seen wearing in the show to satisfy his sponsors and he seemed to be bringing more than he might comfortably fit in his allocated area in the RV.
Xiao Pang stared at the two large suitcases sitting in the lobby near Xiao Zhan’s feet and winced, “You do know there’s limited space in a RV, right?”
Xiao Zhan rolled his eyes at the other man and said, “Yes, I do know, but…” he trailed off, not knowing how to complete that sentence. Not wanting to say that the thought of being so close to Wang Yibo again made him go into panic mode.
But it seemed as though his assistant did hear that unsaid thought and the understanding look he received made him flush a little. It probably shouldn’t surprise him that the other man did understand what he was going through, after all, he had been around in the aftermath and had seen what he’d been like then.
“Well, we’d just have to make it work then,” Xiao Pang gave him an affirmative nod and big grin, assuring him that his team had his back.
When they arrived at the garage where their RV was parked, the production assistant hardly blinked when she saw his bags. Yet, Xiao Zhan felt a little embarrassed, after all, they did say to try and bring only one bag and he tried to apologise, “I know the instructions were to bring just one bag, but I didn’t know what to pack. Sorry to be a bother.”
She was quick to reassure him, “No worries, Xiao-laoshi, we can always put the extra bag in the other van. It is bigger and can fit more things. Please just go ahead and unpack, we’ve marked out which spaces are for your and Wang-laoshi’s use. We’ve also taken the liberty of assigning the overhead bunker for you because it’s slightly longer. Once you’re both ready, the director will brief you.”
When he heard about the arrangements, Xiao Zhan could not help but feel a bit relieved, at least he would not overthink about where to put his things so that it won’t encroach on Wang Yibo’s space and which bed should he take so that it didn’t seem like he was taking advantage. The potential decisions that he had to make were making him a little nauseous.
He cursed himself for putting himself in this position, but with that said, he was the one who made the decision and so, it was up to him to make the best out of the situation. God help him. Putting his internal turmoil aside, he and Xiao Pang grabbed his suitcases and hauled them up the RV.
It was a bit larger than he’d expected, with a comfortable walkway between the tiny, but well-equipped kitchen and the “sitting area”. One of the beds was partially hidden behind the bathroom and next to it was the fridge. He had been in many RVs before while filming, but this was nicer than the usual ones he got. There was even a strong leather smell inside that told him that the sponsors had given them a new one, probably one of their newer models.
As the production assistant promised, the cabinets located on the ceiling were labelled with his and Wang Yibo’s names, clearly indicating where they were to store their belongings. Even the cabinets where common items like utensils, food and drinks were kept were marked.
Xiao Zhan quickly dumped a week’s worth of clothing and his toiletries in his designated cabinets and got to arranging his personal belongings on his bed. The bedsheet and blanket were in muted shades of blue and gray, which suited him perfectly. Last to come out of his suitcase were his assorted plushies - he threw the five plushies which he’d brought with him up on his overhead bed before climbing up the ladder. Surprisingly, there was enough headroom for him to sit upright and there was even a sunroof that he could open.
A sound at the door caused him to pause in the midst of placing his spongebob in its place of honour. He looked down and saw Wang Yibo walking up the few steps to the RV. Tongue-tied, he remained silent as the other man turned around to take in his surroundings. After turning a round, he glanced up at Xiao Zhan in his bunker bed and said, “How old are you already? Still playing with toys.”
With that, he turned and headed towards his bed at the back of the van.
Xiao Zhan felt tears prick his eyes. Wang Yibo had said those exact words to him before.
They had agreed to work on the scene that was planned for tomorrow and after dinner, Wang Yibo had followed Xiao Zhan back to his room. Xiao Zhan flushed when he opened his door - he had really treated his room like a home away from home and clothes and his personal items were scattered throughout the room. He really should have made an effort to keep the place neat but he constantly got back to his room exhausted from the long and hot filming days and the last thing he wanted to do was pick up the iPad from the floor.
“Sorry, it’s a bit messy here.”
“No worries, but Xiao-laoshi, how old are you? Still playing with toys?” he heard Wang Yibo drawl, voice full of quiet amusement.
He turned to find the other man leaning against the wall, eyes full of mirth gazing at him.
Xiao Zhan flushed, “Wang Yibo, are you human? I just like plushies, they’re soft and comforting.” He knew that Wang Yibo was just teasing, but he couldn’t help but be a bit embarrassed. His group mates from Xnine were constantly teasing him about his (mild) obsession with plushies and he can get a little sensitive about it.
A look of concern flashed across Wang Yibo’s face and he said, “Who cares if you do. If you like them, like them. Nobody else’s opinions matter.” He paused. “I think it’s cute that you like plushies so much anyway.”
It amazed Xiao Zhan that a person as young as Wang Yibo was so sure of himself. Perhaps the young age at which he left home to pursue his dreams and the years he’d spent in the cut-throat entertainment business had moulded him into someone more assured of himself than others his age. Many times, it seemed like Wang Yibo was more mature compared to himself and it wasn’t wrong calling him sunbae .
He smiled, “You’re right, if I like them, who cares what others think.”
They had gone on to run their run lines, trying to perfect the feelings between Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji the rest of the night, and Xiao Zhan had never felt so comfortable in another’s presence.
While he’d sounded indulgent and amused that first time, there was nothing but scorn in his voice now. The RV had seemed roomy and almost cheery earlier, but now Xiao Zhan felt like he could hardly catch his breath.
It was a subdued Xiao Zhan who went outside the van a few minutes later for their briefing. Wang Yibo had exited the van shortly after him and was leaning against the van a distance away.
The PD, Jiang Yun, looked at both of them and awkwardly cleared his throat, “Ok, I know that both of you may not be used to sharing a small space like this, but my wife and I travelled in a van smaller than this for more than two months and didn’t kill each other…”
Wang Yibo raised an eyebrow, “Are you comparing us to you and your wife?”
Xiao Zhan could see the sweat starting to trickle down from the man’s hairline.
“No! N..no, of course not. Just. Just. Anyway, welcome to Self-drive China , you know that we’ve a very lean crew, so it’ll just be me and our camera man, Li Hao Quan, following you on this trip. We’ll be in the second RV together with Wang Yibo’s bodyguard, who’ll be providing security.
Hao Quan will be mainly capturing external shots and segments where you’re out exploring at different locations. The internal shots will be captured by the cameras that we’ve installed in the van and I’ll show you where all the cameras are located. We’ll also provide you with a camera and a drone so you can capture any other footage you like. This is your trip and we’d like the audience to see China through your eyes.
I know you’ve unpacked and seen a bit of the van, but we’ll start filming in a bit to shoot your initial reactions to the RV. I believe you’ve both done reality-type shows before, so this should be quite familiar to you. Let me know when you’re ready and we’ll start.” Despite the rocky start, Jiang Yun managed to rally and briefed them on the important parts.
Wang Yibo straightened and said, “I’m ready. Let’s start.”
Xiao Zhan quickly nodded in agreement and the PD called the cameraman over to start recording.
As the PD showed them the features of the RV, including its expansion capabilities, he also pointed out where the cameras were located, usually in obvious places where they couldn’t miss them. When Jiang Yun showed them the camera in Xiao Zhan’s bunker though, Wang Yibo said with a sardonic laugh, “You want to film even this?”
“Eh, all footage is interesting footage. But you’re free to cover the camera if you’re not comfortable,” the PD said.
Xiao Zhan made a mental note to keep the camera in his bed nook covered. He looked over at his fellow traveller and saw him opening drawers and generally poking around. Wang Yibo had always been a very curious person and that didn’t seem to have changed. When he looked up, Xiao Zhan did not avert his gaze quickly enough and the other man frowned when he realised that Xiao Zhan had been looking at him.
He could feel the tips of his ears turn red as he was caught staring at the other man, but there was nothing to be done but to tune back into what the PD was saying. The PD ended the short tour by asking, “Do you want to do a test drive before starting out?”
They managed to not crash the RV although their interactions were so awkward Xiao Zhan wondered how any of the footage was going to be usable. He remembered the way they seemed to instantly click when they met on The Untamed, the way Wang Yibo got his jokes even on the first day. The first time he’d touched him, he hadn’t realised he’d done it until the warmth of the other man’s back registered on his palm. There had been a pink flush on Wang Yibo’s face that had teased him when Xiao Zhan finally realised his hand had been resting on his back for minutes. And the other man had not moved away nor said anything.
With some last instructions from Jiang Yun, they set off from the garage with Wang Yibo in the driver’s seat and Xiao Zhan sitting in the living area pretending to concentrate on something on his iPad. He was sure they would have preferred to have him sitting in the passenger’s seat next to Wang Yibo, but he had felt that biting his nails and his legs constantly jiggling was not the image they were going for. So he’d escaped.
He had to admit that Wang Yibo was a good driver, he always had been, even when he’d first gotten his license. Xiao Zhan recalled the other man’s excitement when he called him after passing his driving test. He’d been so jubilant, exclaiming, “Ge! I’m going to pick you up for our date the next time we’re both home. You won’t have to worry about helmet hair anymore!”
And he had. Wang Yibo had driven them to a quiet spot in the brand new Audi that his sponsor had gifted him for getting his license. Xiao Zhan had told him that it was funny that Audi had asked a person without a license to be the face of their cars. The other man had shrugged and told him that it didn’t matter, he was just selling an image, actual skill not required. Of course, it was inevitable that he’d get his license, so what did it matter?
The gentle roll of the RV lolled Xiao Zhan into a meditative state and he found that he’d spent the past hour just staring out of the window. Occasionally, he would register the low murmur of Wang Yibo’s voice, the other man probably doing a commentary for the camera set up on the dashboard.
He had not had a morning like this for too long, where he was not expected to be doing something or rushing somewhere. Sure, he was technically filming, but there were no expectations, all he had to do was wait for Wang Yibo to get them where they needed to be.
They stopped for lunch a couple of hours into the drive. Jiang Yun had asked if they wanted to stop at an eatery nearby or try cooking in the RV and Xiao Zhan offered to cook. After all, he needed to contribute something for the camera. To his surprise, the refrigerator was rather well-stocked and he had everything he needed to make a simple lunch for them both and the crew. The PD had said they could settle their own food, but Xiao Zhan insisted since he was already cooking for the both of them.
Wang Yibo had set up an eating area outside the RV and when Xiao Zhan brought out a steaming bowl of noodles and stir fried chicken, the cameraman had already set up. The table was not small, but it was not big either, and when two men had to sit side by side because the PD wanted a frontal shot of the both of them, they couldn’t help but brush up against each other’s arms, especially in their thick winter jackets. When it happened, Xiao Zhan felt the other man flinch away from him and his heart dropped.
It was a lovely winter day, the sky was blue and they were far enough from the city area that the air was clear. The view of the lake they were parked next to was also stunning. But Xiao Zhan barely took any of it in. The silence was only broken by the sound of slurping from the man beside Xiao Zhan. When it got deafening enough even for the PD, he tried to start to get them to start a conversation, “Wang-laoshi, aren’t noodles your favourite? Do you like the day Xiao-laoshi prepared them today?”
“Xiao-laoshi cooks so well, everything he cooks is nice,” was the reply delivered with almost no inflection.
Despite knowing that Wang Yibo was only saying that for the camera, Xiao Zhan couldn’t help but feel a flush of pleasure, “Thank you Wang-laoshi, it’s the least I can do after you’ve been driving so long.”
Wang Yibo shrugged, “It’s no problem.”
Silence.
Xiao Zhan was losing his tiny bit of appetite.
Jiang Yun sighed and asked another question. In this vein, they managed to cobble together a bit of conversation and something more interesting than two men eating in silence.
While Wang Yibo cleared up after lunch, Jiang Yun pulled Xiao Zhan aside.
“I know Wang-laoshi is not much of a talker, so I need you to engage him a little bit more. You guys had so much chemistry filming The Untamed, I’m sure you can find a bit of that for now.”
For a moment, Xiao Zhan was truly annoyed, why was it always up to him to make the first move. It was like that for The Untamed, and now they were doing it again. Why couldn’t they tell Wang Yibo to talk to him instead?
Then he remembered why and his anger dissipated, “I’ll try my best. I know it’s not easy for you and I apologise.”
The PD patted his shoulder and said, “It’s fine, it’s fine. We all just have to try a bit harder, otherwise, this will be a very painful couple of months.”
In his effort to make conversation, he offered to drive for the afternoon, but Wang Yibo declined saying that he’d prefer to drive. Shot down, he went back to the living area and picked up the camera to record his commentary on the scenery and his thoughts, censored as they were.
For dinner, they stopped in a little eatery in a little town Jiang Yun liked the look of. He had driven ahead to scout for a suitable location, and had found a homely place run by an elderly couple. The wife was a bubbly old lady who kept trying to feed Wang Yibo and Xiao Zhan, saying that they were too skinny and telling them that they were such good looking nice boys. Even Wang Yibo’s stoicism could not stand against her cheeriness and for the first time since morning, a genuine smile appeared on his face.
Buoyed by that smile, Xiao Zhan himself grew chattier and kept up a stream of conversation with the granny in between bites of food. The moment they got back in the RV, the atmosphere chilled again and Xiao Zhan mourned the appearance of the rigidity in Wang Yibo’s shoulders again.
They stopped for the night and it was obvious to Xiao Zhan that Wang Yibo was exhausted. There was a slight slump to his shoulders and the circles under his eyes had gotten progressively darker as the day went by. He was also doing light arm stretches as he got out of the cab area.
Xiao Zhan said, “Thank you for driving the whole day, you must be tired. Do you want to take a shower and rest first? I’ll close up.”
The other man glanced at him and gave a short nod before sliding past Xiao Zhan, making sure that no part of him touched the other man. Xiao Zhan wondered how many times a day his heart could clench in agony.
He was done pulling all the privacy blinds in place and extending the sides and ends of the RV by the time Wang Yibo came out of the bathroom, bringing with him the scent of jasmine. Xiao Zhan blurted out, “You still use the same shower gel…”
Wang Yibo froze.
Then shrugged, “Can’t be bothered to try anything else.” He slid a glance at the camera nearest to them and Xiao Zhan immediately understood. Such things should not be said out here. Feeling a bit flustered, he nodded and gathered his sleep wear.
It was worse in the bathroom. The smell of jasmine permeated the stall. Xiao Zhan stood under the shower while memories of the times he’d smelled the scent of jasmine on Wang Yibo’s skin or in their shower.
Slim, but firm arms had wrapped around his body. Wang Yibo had buried his head in his neck while they were in the shower, “Hmmm... I love the smell of my soap on you.”
“Why? Because then I smell like you? Lao-wang, isn’t that a little possessive?” He’d teased him.
Wang Yibo had growled, “Damn right, I’m possessive. You’re mine and don’t you forget it.”
Xiao Zhan shook himself out of his thoughts and looked down. He cursed. It looked like he’d need to take a cold shower.
The curtain dividers to Wang Yibo’s bed were drawn when Xiao Zhan got out of the shower and he was glad for it. He climbed into his bunk bed and switched off the cabin lights. Lying down on his side, he stared at the dim light shining behind the curtain. Soft sounds from Wang Yibo’s phone told him that the other man was awake. He wondered if the other man still needed to sleep with lights on when alone.
Thoroughly frustrated with his thoughts, he pulled his own curtains shut and turned on his other side. Hoping it was as easy to block the other man from his mind as it was from his sight.
The days continued in almost the same way. They interacted when they had to outside the RV, but once back inside, they kept to their self-designated areas and filmed their own commentaries. Xiao Zhan could tell from the exasperation that coloured Jiang Yun’s voice that he was not finding the footage the most satisfactory, but he grudgingly told them that they could use what they had.
What brought Xiao Zhan the most comfort was waking up to the sunshine streaming into the sunroof every morning. When he opened his eyes, he would see the dust motes dancing in the sunlight and he would spend a couple of minutes staring at them while his brain started working. Then he would open the sunroof and stick his upper body out and look at where they had stopped the night before. It was usually dark by the time they got to their destination and they seldom had time to do anything more than do a cursory sweep of the location. So it was always a surprise the next morning. Sometimes, it was lakes and mountains, sometimes an empty rest area next to a highway. Those brief moments of peace gave him the strength to push through the day, until it was time to draw his curtains and try to sleep.
I hope my team would give me a chance to go skiing with Lao Wang.
That was what he’d said in an interview once. He finally had the chance, but everything was not what he had in mind when he’d said that. They were decked up in ski gear, waiting for their cue to push off so that Hao Quan could film them skiing. It was a moderate slope so Xiao Zhan knew he would not have much trouble with it. It’s been too long since he had time to ski and if he was being honest, being on the snow reminded him too much of his co-host.
He glanced at Wang Yibo. The other man looked like a professional in his dark green gear and he looked at home on the slopes. Xiao Zhan’s heartbeat sped a little faster. He was still so handsome.
“Gou zai zai, I saw you snowboarding on that show last night. So cool!”
“Oh, that’s out? Cool, right? It was fun, but it’d have been more fun if you’d been there.”
“I wish! Then you could finally teach me how to snowboard like you keep telling me you would.” Xiao Zhan could hear the pout in his voice. He really wanted to go skiing with his boyfriend and cuddle up in front of a fire at the end of a tiring day on the slopes.
Wang Yibo laughed on the other end of the line, “Ok ok, bao bao. I promise we’ll find a time to hit the slopes.”
“Ok guys, let’s get ready to go!” Jiang Yun’s shout shook him out of his thoughts and he got into place.
Wang Yibo pushed off first and Xiao Zhan admired his smooth movements as he slalomed downhill. He knew Wang Yibo’s preference is for snowboarding, but he was still ridiculously good on skis. Then it was his turn to push off and he lost himself in the focus on his movements. When he ended his run, he could feel his lips stretch out in a big smile - he had forgotten how free skiing made him feel.
Xiao Zhan turned and was startled to see Wang Yibo staring at him.
Wang Yibo looked away first. “You’re not too bad, but you’re too stiff. You need to relax into the movements a bit more.”
For a moment, Xiao Zhan didn’t know how to react, then he realised that the Hao Quan was just next to them filming and his brain caught up, “Oh, thank you Wang-laoshi. I’ll try to remember that.”
They ended up filming a few more runs before Jiang Yun told them to switch to snowboarding. Problem was, Xiao Zhan didn’t know how to snowboard. “Even better! Yibo-laoshi can teach you how to snowboard,” Jiang Yun looked at Wang Yibo, “I’ve seen you snowboard, you’re very good!”
“I’m ok, but I can teach Xiao-laoshi a little.”
“Thank you, Wang-laoshi.” Xiao Zhan said with a small nod. It was not what he’d imagined all those years ago, but he supposed in a strange way, Wang Yibo kept his word to him in the end.
Snowboarding, Xiao Zhan decided, was nothing like skiing at all. It required even more of a sense of balance, which if he were being honest, he didn’t have much of. Despite his lack of talent in snowboarding, Wang Yibo had been a very patient teacher. He had repeated instructions, and demonstrated in detail how to move the snowboard. All without any contact between them, which was certainly a skill.
After what must have been his fiftieth fall on his butt, Xiao Zhan was ready to give up. “Alright, I can’t do this anymore. For the life of me, I just cannot snowboard. I’m sorry, Wang-laoshi, for being such a bad student.” He was grateful that the resort had closed their slope for the recording and he didn’t have to deal with a gawking or even worse, laughing crowd.
Wang Yibo chuckled, “You’re actually not doing so badly. You just need more confidence. Why don’t you give it another try?”
Xiao Zhan was not the only one shocked by Wang Yibo’s response, a reflex glance showed Jiang Yun’s wide eyes and Hao Quan’s jaw drop. Even Lele, who had been following the crew, quirked his brow when he heard his boss’ reply.
“I...well, if Wang-laoshi said I can do this, I should definitely try one more time.” Xiao Zhan said as he struggled back to his feet to try snowboarding down this cursed slope once again.
Encouraged by Wang Yibo’s encouragement, he managed to stay upright after pushing off and actually maintained his balance. He was about to congratulate himself halfway down the slope when suddenly he didn’t execute a turn properly and his world went topsy turvy.
The next thing Xiao Zhan knew, hands were grabbing at him and he felt himself being hauled upright. Then the pain came. He gasped as someone tried to remove the snowboard from his feet, causing the person to gentle the movement. Xiao Zhan’s eyes fluttered open, “What happened?”
Wang Yibo’s voice sounded behind him, “Your board slide out and you took a tumble. Are you ok?”
Oh. He was leaning against Wang Yibo. Xiao Zhan winced when someone lifted his right foot and probed at his ankle. He looked up slightly and saw Lele, who was holding his foot, grimaced, “It looks like it might be a sprain or worse. We’ll need to get a doctor to look at this.”
Wang Yibo asked, “How’s your other foot? Are you hurt anywhere else? Can you move if we support you?”
Xiao Zhan took a deep breath and did a quick internal check. “Sore everywhere, but I think my left foot’s ok. I should be able to walk, or hobble along.”
“Good. Let’s get you up on three. One. Two. Three.” On the last count, Wang Yibo stood up slowly, bringing Xiao Zhan with him. Lele immediately went to Xiao Zhan’s other side to support him.
“They’ve got the resort doctor on standby, we just need to get to the main building,” Jiang Yun told them. His face was white and worry was etched on his face.
Xiao Zhan understood his anxiety. Not only was a talent injured under his watch, there was also the concern that he won’t be able to film and they’d be behind on schedule, which was tight enough. He told him, “Hey, don’t worry. I’m sure this isn’t too bad and I’ll be on my feet in no time to film.”
The annoyed look he got from the PD was priceless, he replied, “Don’t YOU worry about that.” He pointed to Hao Quan, who had not stopped filming the whole time, “I’VE got enough exciting material. I’m worried about you.”
Chuckles from the two men who were supporting him almost caused him to pout, “Well, I’m fine…”
It turned out that he had a sprained ankle and the doctor advised that he stay off the foot for a couple of days and to avoid any strenuous activities on that foot for a couple of weeks. They decided to stay at their current location for one more day so that Xiao Zhan could rest up, but on his insistence, they would continue on their journey with Wang Yibo taking the wheel exclusively for now.
When they got back to the RV, Xiao Zhan stood in front of his bunker bed and stared.
“Take my bed. You can’t climb in your condition.”
Xiao Zhan looked at Wang Yibo, “Thanks. Sorry to trouble you.”
The other man shrugged, “It doesn’t matter. It’s my fault anyway, I asked you to try again.”
“NO! It was not your fault. I’d have done it again anyway,” Xiao Zhan stressed.
A brow raised in scepticism, Wang Yibo asked, “Would you really have?”
There was a strange weight to that question that stopped the other man from blurting out an immediate agreement. “I….”
A snort, “I figured. Anyway, it’s just a bed. You should wash up and rest your foot.”
Feeling somewhat chastised, Xiao Zhan nodded. When he started hobbling towards the bathroom, Wang Yibo immediately came forward to lend a supporting arm. Xiao Zhan thought nostalgically about how when they first met, Wang Yibo could barely piggyback him for a scene. But now, he was sure the other man could carry him with no problems.
Xiao Zhan was playing on his phone on Wang Yibo’s bed when he heard the man ask on the other side of the curtain, “Are you awake?”
He drew open the curtains to the sight of Wang Yibo standing there with an armful of plushies.
“I don’t know how you sleep in that bed with all these taking up so much space,” he grumbled, following which, he dumped them onto Xiao Zhan’s temporary bed. “You probably want them with you anyway.”
“Oh, hmm...thanks?”
With a curt “Goodnight,” Wang Yibo went back to his bunker bed, leaving Xiao Zhan staring after him.
The next day, they almost ended up in an argument when Xiao Zhan insisted on making breakfast and Wang Yibo argued that he should not be standing too much. But before it could escalate into a shouting match, Wang Yibo told him, “If you want your ankle to heal faster, stay off it! Then we’d be in a better position to film!”
This cooled Xiao Zhan’s temper down. He knew he was being silly, but he could not help himself. Wang Yibo was right, however, and he needed to do the right things to get better faster. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I’ll do my best to get better,” he paused and laughed a little, “why is it that I always seem to be apologising to you?”
“I don’t know? Maybe because you always wrong me?” Again, a weight to his tone.
Xiao Zhan had no rejoinder to that.
Wang Yibo ended up cooking all three meals for them, which amazed Xiao Zhan. The boy that he had known had been hopeless at cooking.
Xiao Zhan had woken up to a burning smell and he’d jumped out of bed and gone into his kitchen. Only to find his boyfriend in his kitchen woefully trying to scrape something black and tarred-looking from one of his pans.
“Wang Yibo, what are you doing?”
“Sorry Zhan-ge, I was trying to make you pancakes for breakfast, but,” he held up the blackened pan, which looked to be byond salvaging.
“Awww, my gou zai zai was making me breakfast! I’m so lucky!” he teased the younger man, which predictably caused him to glower at Xiao Zhan.
“Shut up. See if I ever try to do something nice for you again,” he said grouchily.
Xiao Zhan laughed, “Please don’t, I don’t know if I have enough pans to survive your niceness!”
He had ended up making breakfast for both of them instead as he tried to coax his boyfriend out of his sulk.
A week later, he had received a delivery of pots and pans, with a note attached - So that I can continue being nice.
The few attempts Wang Yibo had made at cooking ended terribly, but he’d eaten everything he’d cooked, or tried to anyway, and they’d laughed about it.
The meals that this Wang Yibo whipped up were simple but delicious and Xiao Zhan commented that he’d done very well. The younger man shrugged, “I got tired of eating take-out all the time, so I asked Han-ge to teach me some simple dishes. It’s not much, but all the things I can cook, I enjoy.”
A small smile appeared on Xiao Zhan’s face. This was always what he’d liked and admired about Wang Yibo, not only can he do anything he put his mind to, but also that he’d only do things that he liked doing and do them well.
While Xiao Zhan was annoyed that he had hurt his foot, which made doing simple things a lot more difficult, part of him was glad that he had hurt himself. Wang Yibo spoke more to him and more importantly, he no longer flinched away from him when they accidentally touched.
The day Wang Yibo was scheduled to fly out to record another episode of Day Day Up, he looked at Xiao Zhan’s still bandaged ankle critically. “Are you sure that you’d be ok by yourself?”
Xiao Zhan laughed, “Why wouldn’t I? My ankle is almost better and Jiang Yun and Hao Quan will be around. We’re also staying put and just exploring this area for the next couple of days waiting for you to come back.”
The other man continued to frown, “You should’ve brought your own bodyguard, since Lele will be going with me. You won’t have anyone to keep the people away”
“What? And subject four grown men to a shared RV? Don’t be silly. Anyway, nobody knows we’re here and we’re sticking to the less popular attractions anyway. I’ll be just fine without you.”
A pause.
The silence thickened till Wang Yibo spat out, “Yeah, you’re definitely doing fine without me.”
He could feel his temper building up, “Well, Wang-laoshi, why don’t tell me how you really feel? Without all these hidden barbs and insinuations?”
Wang Yibo laughed, cold and without a shred of amusement, “Really? You need me to tell you how I feel?”
He shouted, “If you hate me so much, then why the hell did you agree to do this?!”
Someone knocked on the door before it opened, Jiang Yun popped his head in and asked, “Erm, guys? Is everything ok?”
Xiao Zhan sat down heavily and buried his face in his hands. He heard the sounds of Wang Yibo grabbing his luggage and walking out of the RV. He sighed and turned to ask Jiang Yun, “Sorry, but would it be possible to delete footage from the last couple of minutes? Promise it won’t happen again.”
“Sure. We won’t be able to use those anyway. Confidentiality clause.”
Xiao Zhan nodded wearily in appreciation.
As he had told Wang Yibo, Xiao Zhan and the crew filmed mainly in places without any crowd - a village where he met and played with the young children of the families and chatted with their parents. They were a little awestruck when they recognised him, but no one badgered or screamed at him. He sat beside a mountain stream, with mountains that stretched seemingly forever in the background and sketched.
It was all so very peaceful and he wanted to scream.
In the RV, he found himself sitting still trying to hear the murmur of Wang Yibo’s voice from the cab as he talked to the camera on the dashboard, but all was silent. He tried to catch the scent of jasmine from the pillowcase, but even that had faded.
While cooking dinner one day, he found himself smiling when he remembered how flustered Wang Yibo became when he was cooking a more complicated dinner the other day for all five of them. Mumbling to himself the steps he needed to do for this dish and that dish, the ingredients he was missing. Xiao Zhan had finally taken pity on him and helped to prepare the ingredients so that it had been easier for the younger man. Wang Yibo had grudgingly said that he’s usually only cooking for himself and cooking for so many people is quite different. Xiao Zhan had nodded and patted him on the head. Wang Yibo had then accused him of being patronising and that not everyone could be a super cook like Xiao-laoshi.
The darkness got so oppressive that he kept a night light on every night.
Despite their fight the day Wang Yibo left, Xiao Zhan let out a sigh of relief when he heard the Land Rover Lele drove park beside the RV. A few minutes later, the door opened and Wang Yibo walked in. He looked as subdued as Xiao Zhan felt.
“You’re back.”
“Hnnn.”
“Good.”
Xiao Zhan’s ankle healed and they went back to taking turns to drive. They settled into a routine and they started to gain back that chemistry they used to have. They also took turns to fly out when they had other work commitments. When Wang Yibo was not around, Xiao Zhan found himself constantly trying to catch a glimpse of the other man. Travelling this way, they slowly made their way into Tibet.
Xiao Zhan had always wanted to visit Tibet, climb up to the Potala Palace and turn the prayer wheels. But most of all, he wanted to see the wide expanse of the desert with the sun setting in the horizon.
He got his wish when he found out that Jiang Yun had arranged for them to camp for the night in the desert.
Xiao Zhan made his way up the sand dune they’d parked next to for the night. He wanted to capture the sunset and maybe, just to get away from Wang Yibo for a little while. It wasn’t the easiest walking up the dune, the soft sand and steep slope meant he’d slip and slide back every couple of steps, kind of like his situation with Wang Yibo, he mused a little. He’d work so hard to get over the other man, but he still ended up being a little in love with him.
The sun had started to settle into the land as he reached the top and he wasted no time snapping away. Happy with his photos, he sat down to enjoy the peace and quiet, but it was immediately interrupted by the sounds of shuffling behind him. Without turning his head, he knew it was Wang Yibo and his heart started to race.
A hand held out a thermos in front of his face, “Hot tea. If you’re going to be sitting here long, it’s going to get cold.”
Xiao Zhan smiled, “Thanks, Lao Wang. Sit. How many sunsets like this do we get to enjoy?”
The body next to his froze a little, and then Wang Yibo folded his lanky body to sit next to him, legs drawn up and head pillowed on his knees. The both of them stared out at the setting sun, lost in their own thoughts.
“Lao Wang,” Xiao Zhan started, voice soft in the dimming light, “I know it’s silly and useless for me to bring this up now, but I really regret how I hurt you back then. I handled it badly and I don’t blame you for hating me. But. I think I can’t regret making that decision, the way things were, the path that we were on, we would have ended resenting each other and that is somehow worse than you hating me. Not going to lie, I did hope we could have remained friends, but I guess that's just wishful thinking on my part,” a short, cynical laugh escaped him at his own naivety back then.
“So, I just wanted to say sorry for hurting you and I’m glad we got to do this because I missed having my best friend with me.”
Silence met him, but he wasn’t surprised, nor was he expecting any response from the other man. His heart, which had been racing finally settled into its natural rhythm and he truly felt at peace for the first time since they started this trip.
Both men sat there in silence until Wang Yibo suddenly stood up and said in his low voice, “Let’s get back before Lele comes looking for us.”
With that, he turned to go back to their camp and Xiao Zhan scrambled after him, slipping and sliding his way down.
Things did not change much after he told Wang Yibo how he felt, but he could feel the other man’s gaze on him more often now. It ignited a buzz in his stomach every time he felt it, like the expectation of something more. The first time he recognised it for what it was, he almost laughed out loud. It was almost the exact same feeling he used to have back on The Untamed set. Wang Yibo used to stare at him a lot then too, and although he was less exuberant about it now, that sense of anticipation it kindled in him was the same.
One night, they decided to set up their table outside for dinner. They were by a large lake in the middle of nowhere and the stars were slowly appearing as the sky darkened. Wang Yibo was silent for most of the meal, but Xiao Zhan still found the silence comforting. It seemed that as long as Wang Yibo was by his side, the silence did not bother him.
He started to stand up when Wang Yibo called out to him, “Xiao Zhan.”
The older man stopped, “What’s the matter?”
Wang Yibo seemed to struggle with his words and Xiao Zhan sat back down, content to wait till he could articulate his thoughts.
“I’ve thought about what you said that day...and...as hard as it is for me to admit it, you were probably right.” He laughed a little, “I was too young and too young to see it. I’d have thought it was worthwhile to throw it all away for you. And I may have grown to resent you because as much as I loved you, I’d have given up everything else I’d loved for you. Could I have survived on my love for you alone? I honestly can’t tell you, but a part of me is glad I didn’t have to make the choice.”
Wang Yibo turned to gaze at Xiao Zhan, “So, I’m sorry you had to make the choice. Sorry I wasn’t mature enough to see it for what it was. Sorry I made you take up that burden and hated you for it”
A tender smile bloomed on Xiao Zhan’s face, “There’s really nothing to say sorry for. We both suffered and it’s all in the past.”
“You asked me why I came on this trip if I hated you. To be honest, I wanted to prove to myself that I was indifferent to you, but that lasted for like, what? Four days?” Wang Yibo laughed, “Anyway, I’m glad we did this. I missed you too. Even though I was so busy telling myself that I hated you.”
“Hey, Xiao Zhan, look, a shooting star,” Wang Yibo called out as he pointed to the light streaking across the starlit sky.
Xiao Zhan made a wish, that this could be a new beginning for them. He wondered if Wang Yibo made the same wish.