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Kakeru stared at the sight before him with wide eyes. An awkward smile was plastered on Haiji's face as Kakeru slowly took in his state, from his bright red legs, to his burned chest to his face and arms. Burned, all of it. Except for two big, round circles around his eyes where his sunglasses must've rested. Kakeru was still with him only a couple of hours ago, how did it go this wrong so fast?
He stepped out of the doorway to let Haiji into his room. Kakeru wasn't sure why he was here, but he must've had a reason for knocking on his door.
"I think I might have gotten sunburned" Haiji said as he sat himself down on Kakeru's futon. Kakeru snorted at that. "You think?"
Kakeru'd told him to put on more sunscreen before he left him that afternoon. Was 'left him' the right way of phrasing that? It was more like Kakeru escaped, fled the scene, ran away.
Did it have something to do with the fact that Haiji'd looked gorgeous? His skin tanned by the sun, tan line visible above his swimwear, freckles on his face, shirt off, hair messy and cute. Was the way the sun made his eyes sparkle in the light impossible to look away from, no matter how hard Kakeru tried? Did his eyes keep getting dragged back up to Haiji's as he pulled him into conversation after conversation? Perhaps.
Not that Kakeru would ever admit that out loud.
Haiji probably knew though. Haiji always knew. His lips had moved into a slow grin as he followed Kakeru with his eyes on his way inside.
So yes, he'd ran away.
And now, only a couple of hours later, Haiji was completely burned. "Didn't I tell you to put on more sunscreen?"
"Yes. I fell asleep before I could take your advice though" Haiji said as he pressed a finger to his burned arm. The spot turned white for a few seconds and he hissed in pain. Kakeru sat himself across from Haiji and grabbed his wrist.
"Don't touch it if it hurts."
"It doesn't hurt."
Kakeru raised an eyebrow and tightened his hold on Haiji's wrist as he stared into his eyes without saying a word. Haiji winced in pain as he tried to wiggle himself free.
"You don't have to hide it" Kakeru said as he let him go. He tried to hide the fact that he was worried, but he was pretty sure it'd seeped through his words. His frown probably gave it away too.
Kakeru tried to keep an eye on Haiji's health ever since he'd fainted right in front of him. He never wanted to go through that again. Kakeru could still remember the panic and helplessness he'd felt back then, how useless he'd been.
There were many occasions where Kakeru wanted to apologize to Haiji for not noticing his condition, but he never managed to actually get the words out despite having practiced them in his head dozens of times. So instead, he decided to make sure it would never happen again.
Haiji softly patted the skin of his own wrist as he dramatically looked at Kakeru as if he'd tried to kill him.
"You've hurt me deeply" he stated with a serious expression. Kakeru sighed as he got up. "Are you just going to leave me here, badly injured and everything?" He glanced back to see if Haiji was being serious, but there was a playful grin on his face.
"I'm going to see if we have some aftersun anywhere."
"No wait, that's why I'm here."
Kakeru stopped in his tracks and turned to see Haiji holding a small bottle. Sirens immediately went off in Kakeru's head.
'That's why I'm here?' He wanted Kakeru's help to apply the aftersun? On his skin? His naked skin? Definitely a bad idea. Kakeru would combust at the very first touch. Couldn't he just do it himself? Kakeru tried to picture it. Haiji could probably manage his own arms and legs, but his back might be difficult.
Maybe if he stood in front of a mirror, his naked body moving into impossible positions to reach every spot with his slippery fingers.
"Kakeru?" He jumped at the sound of Haiji's voice. How long had he been staring? O god, he was definitely blushing. He wanted to feel his cheeks, but realized that Haiji would probably figure out what had been on his mind.
"Y-you want me to help?" He mentally cursed himself for the way his voice cracked at the question.
"Yes, I don't think I can reach every place." Haiji went to demonstrate, moving one of his arms as he arched his back, making his chest stand out.
"I'll do it" he said quickly, just to make him stop. Kakeru could swear he saw a small grin on Haiji's face, but it was gone after he blinked.
Why was Haiji such a tease? Was it really that much fun for him to watch Kakeru squirm at the smallest touch? Make him forget his words with just one look?
Was it exhausting to have your mind go into panic mode every time someone came close? Definitely. But it was also worth it. All the silly jokes, winks, soft squeezes, gentle touches, yes, they made Kakeru freak out a little, but they were so nice too.
So Haiji.
"Great! Thank you!" He waved Kakeru over and handed the bottle to him as he sat down. A little ridiculous if you asked Kakeru, he could at least do his arms himself, right? Kakeru told him so and a small pout formed on Haiji's lips.
Eventually they settled on Haiji doing his own arms, chest and one of his legs, and Kakeru doing his other leg, his back and his face. Yes, that was the best Kakeru could do, Haiji wouldn't budge.
A fairly big amount of aftersun was squeezed on his hand and Kakeru carefully spread it on Haiji's right leg. He started on his ankle and slowly made his way up to his knee, spreading a small layer on every inch of his skin. Kakeru stopped when he got to Haiji's scar. He hadn't dared to look at it yet, afraid it was an even angrier red than the rest of his skin. Afraid of what might happen if he got blisters there, or an infection. But to Kakeru's surprise, Haiji's knee wasn't sunburned.
Haiji already finished both his arms in the time it'd taken Kakeru to do half his leg. "You put a manga over my knee this morning, remember?" He asked as he felt Kakeru softly touch his scar.
He locked eyes with Haiji and there was a soft smile on his face. Kakeru had to hold back a small whine, that was how warm and kind Haiji was looking at him. His brown eyes gentle and open as he stared into Kakeru's, corners of his lips pulled up into the most heartwarming smile ever, freckles visible on his (very burned) cheeks.
Right, that right there was why Kakeru'd escaped in a hurry. And that was probably why he'd forgotten about the manga too. Yes, he'd put the manga he was reading on Haiji's knee, folded open so it wouldn't fall off, and then he'd made a run for it.
He was relieved that he'd at least somehow remembered to look after Haiji as he ran away.
There was a visible line below and above Haiji's knee. Kakeru carefully traced it with his thumb, his nail softly scraping the skin that wasn't burned. Then he went back to his scar. That damned thing. How Kakeru wished he could just take all his pain, rip it out of his body and throw it away, put it somewhere it couldn't touch Haiji ever again.
It was unfair. Someone like Haiji shouldn't have to walk around with something like this. Let all the murderers and thieves out there have injuries and scars, not boys like Haiji. Boys that were caring and smart and brilliant and kind and talented and beautiful, boys that after glancing at them for only one second would make people think
That one, he's a good one
Because Haiji was a good one.
Kakeru felt anger swell in his chest, washing over him unexpectedly. If he'd been alone right now he would've run it out of his system, run until he could barely move, until his head felt empty again.
But he wasn't alone.
Haiji pulled him from his mind by gently tugging at his wrist. "I can do it myself if it makes you uncomfortable."
Kakeru shook his head as he got up to sit behind Haiji. Luckily his back wasn't burned that badly, if at all. He must've laid in the same position all afternoon. Idiot.
Haiji gave him some more aftersun and Kakeru carefully started working again. He slowly moved his hands over Haiji's shoulder blades, his fingers barely touching him as he spread the cream. To Kakeru's surprise, goosebumps started to rise on Haiji's skin. Kakeru squeezed him softly then, he wasn't sure why, but it earned him an audible gasp from Haiji.
"Sorry."
"Don't apologize." His voice was dangerously low. Kakeru swallowed loudly as he continued. He splayed his fingers as he redid the same area. Just because he could. Because he knew Haiji would let him. He swiped his thumb over all the bones that made bumps in his skin, traced random figures in the moles on his back.
"Kakeru."
A shudder ran through his body at the way Haiji said his name. When he looked down he noticed Haiji was clenching his fists at his sides.
He wanted to run away again. His body was telling him to go, just go go go, go anywhere but here. Instead, he leaned forward and pressed his forehead to the nape of Haiji's neck. He thought Haiji might pull away, but he pushed back against him.
"You should've put on more sunscreen" Kakeru said softly. Haiji hummed.
"I know."
"You shouldn't have fallen asleep in the sun."
He chuckled. "I know."
Kakeru's heart hammered in his chest. "You have to look after yourself."
Haiji stayed quiet for a while after that.
"I know" he said finally, voice nothing more than a broken whisper.
Then, in a moment of bravery, Kakeru whispered "I'm in love with you."
Because he was. He was so unbelievably in love with Haiji, it physically hurt him sometimes.
(Or made him want to run so far and so hard his legs would give out.)
Kakeru held his breath as he waited for Haiji's response. He knew what he was going to say before he'd even opened his mouth, but he still wanted to hear it. Needed to hear it. So he could make sense of Haiji's behavior around him, of his own behavior around Haiji.
Then Haiji turned his head slightly, forcing Kakeru to move with him or break away.
He kept his head pressed against Haiji's skin.
"I know." His voice was soft as he said it, not quiet, but gentle. As if he was saying
Thank you for finally telling me
And maybe he was.
Kakeru wanted to touch him more. Wanted Haiji to touch him. The feeling was overwhelming and he got up abruptly. Haiji followed him with his eyes as he sat back down in front of him.
"I'll do your face now" he was positive his cheeks had turned as red as Haiji's skin by now, but he wouldn't allow himself to run away.
"Kakeru." Haiji placed a hand on his cheek and Kakeru closed his eyes as he leaned into the touch. His hand felt so nice against him, calming in a way nothing else was.
"Can I kiss you?"
Yes
Please
Kakeru was afraid his heart would jump out of his chest if he were to open his mouth, was afraid his voice would give away how much he wanted Haiji. So instead he nodded.
Haiji gently stroked his cheek with his thumb. Kakeru felt his breath against his skin, and then soft lips against his own. He went to grab at Haiji, get something in hands, but all he found was his bare chest. Haiji grunted softly in pain and Kakeru immediately pulled his hands back.
"Sorry" he whispered against Haiji's lips. He could feel him smile into the kiss and Kakeru dared to dart out his tongue, lick at Haiji's lips as he moved in closer. Haiji slowly leaned back and Kakeru placed a hand on the ground on either side of him.
Every time his body moved closer, he pushed deeper into the kiss, his tongue licking at Haiji's, his knee pressed between Haiji's legs as he leaned over him. And Haiji was all but too eager to push back. He sucked on Kakeru's lip, pulled him in with a hand on Kakeru's neck.
Haiji fell back on his burned elbows and Kakeru got yanked back by his hair, tongue still out of his mouth as he immediately tried to close the distance again, eyes half lidded and glazed over. Haiji groaned at the sight.
He had to distribute his weight differently to make his burned skin stop hurting, but then Kakeru was back on him. He kissed his mouth again, slower this time, like he didn't want it to end. Like they had forever to just keep doing this.
When Kakeru was positive he could map out the inside of Haiji's mouth from memory, he finally leaned back a little. They were both breathless as they stared at each other.
Kakeru was afraid the panic would kick in, with him basically laying on top of Haiji and all that, but as he looked at the other's face, not one fibre of his body wanted to make a run for it.
Because why would he? This was Haiji. It was like his body was saying
All this time you spent running away and now you finally made it to where you're supposed to be.
He smiled at him and Kakeru pressed his forehead against Haiji's. He quickly pulled back when a soft 'ouch' spilled from his lips.
"Sorry!"
Then Haiji was laughing, soft at first, then louder and louder. Kakeru couldn't help but stare. It was the only rational thing to do, really. It was what everyone that got to see Haiji laugh would do, you wouldn't be able to help yourself.
Haiji wrapped one of his arms around him and pulled him against his chest. Kakeru tried to wiggle himself free, but Haiji wouldn't let him go.
"I'll hurt you like this."
"No, it's fine."
"Haiji-san"
"Yeah, it hurts a little." He chuckled and kissed the top of Kakeru's head as he removed his arm. Kakeru carefully sat back up and grabbed the aftersun bottle again. "I'll do your face now."
Haiji nodded with a smile on his face. Kakeru spread the cream on his nose and chin as Haiji stared at him.
"Kiss me."
"I-I'm busy."
"Please?"
Kakeru blushed furiously as he placed a quick peck on Haiji's lips. Then he applied the stuff to his forehead.
"I'm in love with you" Haiji said next, the playful tone from before completely gone. It should be ridiculous, the scene in front of Kakeru, Haiji confessing his love for him with half his face covered in aftersun, big, unburned circles around his eyes, but it wasn't. Kakeru leaned closer to kiss him again, because he wanted to, because he finally could, and whispered,
"I know."