Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Your words cut deeper than a knife, now I need someone to breath me back to life"

'You could've cost me The Dregs, The Crow Club, everything I so carefully built." Kaz voice was dangerously soft. 'What were you thinking Jesper?' 'Do I have to remind you your place? Who you are to me? Why you're here?' His voice was just above a whisper. 'You are an investment, Jesper. Important until you become a liability. You are here to bring me money.' He dragged out the words slowly, like he would with a child.

The hurt was written all over Jesper's face but Kaz chose to ignore it. 'You know, about two weeks ago I heard that the Dime Lions were looking to buy contracts, in need of new members.' Jesper's eyes widened, having realised were this was going. ' With a bit of luck, which, need I remind you, you lack, the Dime Lions will beat you half to death for all the trouble you have cost them, and then they'll make you do what you know best. Destroy. And one day they'll make you kill me, and you will fail. Because let's face it, Jes, you can't hurt me. It will be an endless cycle of pain and anger and I'm going to enjoy it.

To Kaz's surprise, Jesper laughed, 'Jes, you have the audacity to call me Jes. You know Kaz, you were always so confident, so cocky, you never noticed the moment my affections changed. Maybe I won't be able to kill you the first time, or the second, maybe even third, but one day I will. Because it has been three years since the Ice Court, three years in which I had time to kill my love for you. Not my respect though, but you seem to be doing a fairly good job all by yourself.' Kaz was too stunned to notice the other's red eyes.

Jesper laughed, 'And you know what boss? Can I still call you that, or did you already get rid of me? I'm not even surprised. At any little mistake you would be there, telling me what a disappointment I was to my father, my friends, to you. And you knew how much it hurt but you didn't care, you never did. You would tell me how much trouble I was when you didn't even know them. Didn't even know what they thought. You have no right to assume who I am when you don't know me. So how can you be so sure I wouldn't kill you.'

Kaz was baffled. Noting slipped through his mask, expression as natural as ever, but he knew Jesper was right. He didn't really know him. Didn't really know any of them. 'Go on then, kill me. What will you do after, play another hand at the tables? Lose money until you won't be able to ever pay them back. Cost your father so much money he will lose his house? If I die Inej will go back to the menagerie. Do you want to do that to them? You say that I don't know you, but you're wrong. Look me in the eye and contradict me Jesper. You are a liar. You can't stay away from the only things that make you feel alive. You can't stay away from me.' We are the same, he tought.

'You're right, I can't stay away from the tables, I can't destroy Inej's life or lose Da's house, but you Kaz Brekker, you hurt me and you took pride in it, you are cruel and you hurt the people that love you, care about you. Like they are meaningless to you.' Jesper stopped crying, now a blank look on his face.

' Then it's a good think that you are meaningless to me, Jesper Fahey.'

They both knew they didn't mean it, weeks of stolen glances, tender words from Kaz and non stop flirting from Jesper proved it. It was the result of stress, frustration and anger at the world that led them here, but it hurt all the same. The wounds their words left behind were deep and would leave scars, the healing process complicated. And just like every other intricate situation in their lives, it would get worse before it got better.

When Inej first heard the knock she was talking with her girlfriend, Nina, about how Kaz and Jesper have been getting closer. She opened the door and was ready to greet Jesper but the blank look on his face told her something was terribly wrong. Nina, noticing the lack of enthusiasm in her friend, hurriedly left.

'What's wrong, love?' Inej asked quietly. Jesper's face was starting to shift from blank to hurt and he hugged her. 'It's Kaz.' Of course it's Kaz. It always comes down to him.

'What did he do this time?' Tears started gathering in her friend's eyes and she knew that it was serious. 'Fuck I'm not going to be able to see you anymore Inej. He's going to make me kill you, kill Nina, possibly even Wylan! What am I going to do Inej? Please tell me what to do!' He was starting to hyperventilate. 'Jesper, calm down, tell me what happened, from the start.

Jesper took a few steadying breaths and said, 'Kaz wants to sell my contract to the Dime Lions. He says that I almost cost him his Crow Club and The Dregs, but I have no idea what I did Inej. I swear I don't.'

'You can't be serious, Jesper, please tell me you're kidding!' Jesper let his tears fall silently. They continued hugging for a few minutes, but soon Jesper got up and headed for the door. 'I need to pack. Love you 'Nej. I hope we'll see each other again, as friends, on the same side. I really do.'

The door to Kaz's office opened, and Nina stormed in. 'What did you do? Jesper looked worse than I've ever seen him in my entire life.' When she got no answer she wandered closer to him.

'What is that? That is Jesper's contract isn't it? What are you doing with that.' she questioned. ' I'm selling his contract to the Dime Lions. And I suggest if you don't want the same to happen to you, you'll get the fuck out and will stop bothering me.' Nina looked like she wanted to say more, but she promptly turned on her heels and slammed to door behind her.

Nina had no idea how the men she came to respect could do such a thing. She knew Kaz was harder on Jesper, but she also knew that he cared for him. Cared for them all. What could have Jesper done, that was so bad to deserve this faith. She continued walking, lost in thought, until nightfall set. She wandered distinctly if Wylan knew, if he even cared.

It didn't take long for Jesper to pack. He didn't have a lot of things he was emotionally attached to, and what he did have he left behind, in Inej's care, knowing that they would probably be destroyed by the Dime Lions otherwise. He only packed his most colourful clothes, hoping to annoy the Pekka Rollins as much as possible. He didn't let himself ponder on the thought that he wanted to show Kaz that he hadn't broken him yet, that he was still himself.

With one last look around the room that was his home for the better part of his life, he turned around and left, not knowing that would be the last time to see it for many years to come.

Chapter Text

'Brekker getting rid of his right hand? What has the boy done this time?'

'No idea, Boss. Are you signing his contract?'

'The boy would be a good asset to have. We'll see.'

'Pekka Rollins. What a wonderful surprise.' Kaz said dryly.

'As welcoming as ever, Brekker, I see.'  The other kept his silence. Rollins sighed.

'News have been brought to my attention that you are selling Jesper Fahey's contract. Now I can't help but wonder why you would want to get rid of your right hand's contract, have you fallen so low that even your closest men betrayed you?'

'One more word and I can assure you won't be seeing his contract.' Said Kaz trough gritted teeth.

'Of course, as I was saying, it has come to my attention that you are looking for buyer and the kid seems like a good asset.' Rollins smiled darkly and Kaz suddenly remembered Pekka's promise of ruining his life. He pushed the thought back. He also felt a pang of hurt at Jesper being called an asset but he ignored that as well. He couldn't forgive him, not after what he did. Jesper should be grateful he still alive.

'You've heard correct. Are you interested in signing?'

'You are quite correct.' 

Kaz bit the inside of his check and said, 'The deal is the deal.'

'The deal is the deal', said Pekka, a smile still ghosting his features.

When Kaz and Rollins exited the office Jesper was already outside, waiting. His old Boss told Pim to show them out, where she gave Jesper a tight hug, then left without glancing back. He decided to do the same.

While Rollins, no, his Boss led him to one of the Kaelish Prince clubs, where he would be intercepted by some older Dime Lion and taken to one of the safe houses, his Boss told him he would be thought a lesson. Jesper had a pretty good idea about what the lesson would be, especially after said guy smiled darkly at him.

The walked in tense silence, Jesper with a blindfold on, just for precaution. When he could finally see again, he was in a dark basement with five other people in it.

Even though they seemed high ranked, Jesper didn’t know any of their names. They threw him to the floor, giddy with sick excitement.

Jesper doesn’t think he’s ever hated Kaz more. Not after seeing their murderous faces, not after putting him in this position without telling him what he did.

One of the two girls spoke up, softly, as if talking to a child, making him understand why he deserved to be punished. But a punishment was a punishment and he didn’t deserve his.

‘Do you know how much trouble you cost us, Jesper? How many of our man you’ve killed? Years of work, all gone because of your group’s little stunts. 546 men. You shattered their lives. Took everything from them. And that’s just even from the Dime Lions in the last half a decade.’

Jesper gritted his teeth. He knew what she was doing. He was messing with his mind, making him feel guilty. It wasn’t as she was innocent. But Jesper only feels guilt towards one person. Or he did.

‘It’s ok, don’t worry, you’ll get punishment soon enough. Do you want to know why I’m here, darling?’

‘No, but I’m sure you’ll tell me’, Jesper grumbled. The girl continued on as if he hadn’t heard him.

‘I’ll keep your heart beating in your chest, make sure you don’t pass out. You’re going to feel every second of this, knowing you’ll never have the relief of nothingness.’

Another guy stepped in front. ‘And I’m going to make sure you won’t lose too much blood. Im going to close your wounds enough for you to stay alive, but not enough for them to stop hurting. You’ll be in agony for days, always so close, but never quite.’

The other girl started talking. ‘Do you remember my brother, Marcellus Ovronky? You killed him yourself, on a job for the Dregs.’

Jesper wanted to comment but something told in the girls eyes told him to keep his mouth shut.

‘Bragging about it as well. But not to worry, I will get my revenge. The sweetest thing will be when you’ll have to kill one of the people you care about. Could be a friend, a lover, maybe even a father? What do you say, Jesper?’ His blood run cold.

‘ the look on your face, full of hurt and anger will forever be imprinted in my mind. You’ll feel exactly what I felt. Of course, you could disobey our Boss’s orders, but after what’s about to happen to you, I’ll doubt you’ll try.’

The other two guys didn’t say anything. The obvious torture devices they were holding was never enough to know that they were here to make him submissive. But Jesper had taken many beatings along the years and he could definitely take one more. Or then. But oh boy, was he wrong.

Punches and kicks to his stomach, ribs and face. Little cuts all over his body, on his fingertips and on his feet. Burns to his checks and feet and hands and it was hit and he was burning and it hurt. Bright white pain filling his senses.

Gunshot after gunshot in places carefully selected not dangerous enough for him to die, for the healer to be too late. Him, tied in chains by his ankles and wrists, not being able to move.

One finger from each of his hands to not be able to play at the tables again, but not to put in danger his shooting abilities.

Piece by piece, they took everything they wanted from Jesper, everything he loved, until the only option he had left was cooperating.

And what was even worse was the fact that they told him this was for his own good. He has been bad and needed to behave. After weeks of hearing only that, he started to believe them.

Sometimes, the people would change, but he didn’t remember names or faces. Not really. Only sweet nothings, or filthy things whispered in his ear. His own begging, not knowing what for, since his mind wasn’t really his anymore.

Pain.

That was what awaited for him for weeks on end until his Boss finally, finally needed him for a job. His punishment was finished.

The only problem was that Pekka, just like almost everybody else, made a fatal mistake.

He underestimated Jesper Fahey.

Chapter Text

Jesper's first job was small, nothing he hadn't done before. A small kill, someone that had crossed the Dime Lions. A nameless man, meaningless.

That's the first thing he learned after a month and a half in the dark. That's the reason the torture finally stopped. And while he was grateful, it felt wrong. So, so wrong.

It wasn't Kaz he was killing for. It wasn't the person that saved him and then tore him to pieces he was doing this for. It felt wrong. But it was good.

He was good, would be good for the pain and fear to stop. And the anger inside him was hot and bright, no longer smothered by anything or anyone.

In the month he was disciplined 'for his won good' as they said, he slowly stopped caring. At first he tried to stay alive for Inej, whose smile could brighten even the darkest days. For Nina, whose hugs felt like home. They were imprinted in his mind.

But in the end, with time, that little spark died, leaving behind only spite and hatred. Because he would get out and he would destroy Kaz, brick by brick, would break all his walls down until he finally got to that rotten heart of his and squish it.

Like a bug. Those were the thoughtsgoing through his head while making his way to the streets of Katterdam looking for his victim's house.

The man, he taught he was a man, turned out to be a girl. Her house was small, but homey or maybe it was just the fact that it reminded him of the Slat.

He knocked at the door. When it opened he was met with a familiar face. He didn't remember her name but the mop of blonde hair and green eyes were familiar.

For a second, her gaze darkened with panic, taking him in. It was like she knew what would happen. Jesper didn't wait for her to say anything or move out of the way, just pushed and closed the door behind him.

'Jesper, I'm sorry I-' he didn't wait for her to finish, only pulled out his revolver and with one shot his work was done. Jesper was out the door and back on the dark streets before the body even cooled.

The way back to the Dime Lions was short, at least to him, lost in thought, a sinister smile on his face. When he arrived, the 5, that's how he started referring to them, were waiting for him.

Fear took a hold of him but he kept his face clear of any expression. Marissa stepped in front but he was too focused in keeping his heartbeat at bay to really see any of them. She stepped in front of him.

'Good job, Jesper. You're such a good boy. You know what that means? No more punishment for you, she said sweetly.

It made Jesper's insides turn but he just smiled.

'Thanks guys.' In reality he was replaying the Dregs girl's death over and over again in his head, imagining it was one of them, each time more gruesome than the other.

They would ply. That much he knew. He would find out their fears, their worst memories, and make them relieve them for days on end.

But for now, he had to get on their good side.

'I'm glad I did well too.'

It had been exactly 56 days since Kaz had last heard of Jesper. He won't admit it but he was... concerned to say the least. What had that bastard done to his Jesper?

No, not his. Not anymore. He was in a rival gang and would be treated like one. Jesper had betrayed him, after all. One day, after managing to think about Jesper once again, and scolding himself, he heard the news.

15 deaths throughout Katterdam, al by gun, all with the same type of bullet. The thing was, the crimes didn't lead anywhere. Kaz was baffled. He definitely knew who did it, he just didn't remember Jesper being that good.

Had the Dime Lions trained him? Had Jesper hidden himself from him? Never the less he was intrigued. And he couldn't lie he definitely found this part of Jesper attractive.

When he first got the reports from Inej and when she told him it was definitely Jesper who did it, Kaz really hadn't believed her, but now he was sure it was Jesper, after all she was his best spy. Smiling, happy, a bit scary but definitely good looking Jesper.

It was Jes and now he was working for someone else and he was doing a good damn job too. It made him wonder how much of his friendship if you could even call it that, was true.

And if that wasn't enough, one of his engineers was found dead in her home less than a week ago. Angry that Pekka Rollins got what he wanted once again instead of the menace he once knew, made him throw his papers on the desk and got out of the Slat.

He was halfway down the stairs when he more or less bumped into Nina and Inej. When he looked at their faces he stopped dead in his tracks.

'What?'

'Kaz, we think we found something, you'll want to see this.'

The evidence was there. All on paper. All pointing towards one thing.

Jesper's innocence.

A dreg long since in the ranks.

Not well known, and engineer.

Tall, blonde, green eyes, unnoticeable in a crowd.

A traitor that framed one of his crows.

Now dead.

How had he not seen it? Fuck.

'How?'

Chapter Text

      'How?' The three letter question whos answer laid heavy in Inej's mind.

      She was the Wraith, a spy like no other. No secret laid unkown before her presance, yet still, here she was, once again, too late. Now a little more than just five more minutes.

      Two days prior, Nina had been in her room, with her head in Inej' lap, voicing her concerns about Jesper. The loyal dog at the masters feet now gone rabid. His absence for months and then coming back as a ruthless killer. The tracks that led to a dead end. With each question, Inej' concern sparked so she did what she does best. Uncovered the secret.

      Through the streets of Katterdam, she listened to the whispers of the shadows and the dead. The body of a familiar woman. A plan to destroy Kaz Brekker from the inside. An unsuspecting target. A loyal ruthless killer.

So here she was now, explaining to Kaz Brekker that it had all been fake. Jesper did not leak any information nor did he betray anyone. It was all staged and they feel for it.

     Jesper Fahey was no longer a little stray, lost dog, bowing his head to the first person to show praise after barking at the intruder. When Pekka proposed grisha training he was more than happy to engage. Since then he's been training hard, making as much progress as possible in his free time but playing it down during in the presence of others. He could trust no one.

    His teacher had rendered him close to usless, a slow, lazy learner, uninterested in the grisha ways, good only for loud and showy displays. And in all honesty, Jesper was proud of his acting. During his time working under Kaz he was never good at hiding anything, or maybe that was just the way it was with Kaz, the way it should be with a person you love.

    A transparency more intimate than any kiss or touch, a knowing so easily shown he had no idea how to fog it, to dismember it and hide it. But wasn't it cruel how for Kaz he was smooth glass, clear and fragile, while for him Kaz was solid brick. Unbreakable and unrelenting, so opossed to him.

    A breath would fog, a touch would imprint, always living marks on Jesper, while Kaz would live unscratched. Jesper was still glass. Still marked and fogged up and scratched, but the glass was becoming bulletproof. An armour instead of a weakness. His greatest strenght, a costume to hide behind. In the glass people saw what they wanted, hidden from what was really happening.

   Bullets flew the way he wanted them to, the metal bending beneath his fingertips, running through his fingers like sand. Buldings trembled and reshaped, disentegrating at his comand. Chaos was trapped inside the glass that made him, deep enough not to reflect or crack the once fragile exterior. Chaos made and unmade, it whispered of a great future and of distruction and of order, and Jesper ruled it all, for chaos had the acrid taste of metal.

    The office was dark and cold, the way Kaz imagines a ghost's touch would feel. A loneliness in the empty armchair by his desk and at the windowsil.The ghost with their cold touch remains him of what he lost, replaying memories stayined by the mud water that runs through his veins, infected, sick. 

    They whisper of mistakes and late nights planning and a boy with gold metal spilling from his eyes like tears, from his wounds like blood, blessed by the gods yet cursed by the mortals. 

    The ghost guides him outside, in search for the boy, for a mistake was made. All that being said, Kaz is running erands because Inej and Nina are no where in sight, Wylan is dead and he doesn't trust other people with this, in favor of new descoveris. 

    They're all still mad at him, he can tell. It was a misscalculation on his  part, but now he has learned. He will make it right again, bring Jesper home. Those taughts follow him through the streets of Katterdam, from the harbour to the secret houses to the remote alley where he sees him.

   The gold no longer spills, boiling silently beneath the glass, waiting for the it to break, for the chaos to make and unmake.

    At the end of the ally, walking with the ease of someone who knows they can't be hurt, is Jesper. Since Kaz had last seen him, things had change. The long stride, the nervous energy waiting to break the surfice, the a little hunched back and wide smile are still there. 

    But now, the smile seems a little crazed. The air around him like he has acknowledged the gold in his veins and the mortality of his soul, but he simply does not care. His confidence in place, thriving in the way people gravitate towards him yet run in the other direction.

    It's also because the moment Kaz looks at him, something drops from his hand and his smile widens, theeth glinting like gold, yet continues to walk like he hadn't done it on porpouse, like he didn't know Kaz was there. Yet he knew but didn't care.

    What hurts the boy with mud water in his veins? Whispers the ghost. Indiference? Being looked down on? Searching on the ground like a pidgeon for the trash of the golden boy?

    On the ground their is a bullet. The one that had sealed Wylans faith, a bullet that should not have been in Jespers hands, but in his possesion. When he leaves the ally, Jesper is no longer to be seen. His cane sounds harsh against the concrete and a deranged smile makes its way on Kaz' face. Fucking smug bastard.

     Jesper doesn't want to be smug but if he's being honest, he's quite proud of his work. He ignored Kaz and he can just imagine the look on the bastard's face when he realised that Jesper did that intentionally.

    Honestly, Jesper hasn't felt this great in years. It was similar to  the rush he felt after gambling, fingers trembling and andrenaline high. He's still grinning when he goes to see his new 'friends'.

    He enters the room smiling at the people inside. They still hate him for the lives he took from them. Their friend, families, so many bright futures, but they’ve toned their hatred down somewhat. They have to work together and all of them know they're not good people.

    He doesn't bother to call them by their names or talk to them often, not after they left such ugly marks on him, yet he has to thank them for feeding the chaos, keeping it alive.

   'What's got you in such a good mood?' Asks one of them. The girl whos brother he killed. 'Just a good misson.' He can see the disgust on their faces, the small fear shimmering just on the edge of her mask.

    A good mission means dead people, something they've all left behind. How dare she think of herself as a saint. When the time comes, he will not kill them. That is a mercy none of them deserve.

    'That's good to hear', sais another one. He's more unhinged, yet not a threat. He can see the respect on his face. Soon there will be much more than that. He'll make sure of it.

    The tension in the room is thick and Jesper feels the need to cut in with a knife, put bullets and it and let it drip like blood, taste it, bathed in it. But he can't do that just yet. So he nods at them, smile still in place and leaves the room, continuing on his way.

     She wants him back whole. Maybe because it's her friend, or because she doesnțt remeber what itțs like to be loud and reckless and seen. She knows quiet and pretty faces and then quiet and the lingering stench of death.

    But Inej doesn't remember what it was like to let her voice dance with the with, what it was like to dance and scream at the stars just because she could. She only knew how to dance and hide and be quiet, so unlike Jesper.

    Following him was ugly. It was mean an hurtful because that was her friend and he should have had the chance to could down and laugh at him for not realising she was there. But that choice was taken away from here. Funny, how the world keeps taking and taking and never giving.

    But the gods are merciful and wise. They must be. He seems alright. Still loud and at ease, but more confident in his capabilities. She's seen him train. Jesper is doing good, but he still needs to work on his spacial awarness, since he hasn't realised he's beeing tailed.

    And not only by her. There's a man in the streets, dressed in all black, following him down an ally and then some more. Her knives are ready and so are her prayers. But before she can move, the man is down, a bullet in his head and Jesper is looking straight at her.

   He's smiling a little and then she realises her mistake. Theres a metal chain at her neck and for some reason it feels too tight, like it's trying to choke her.

   When she looks back he's gone and yeah, he's doing fine. Better than before. She underestimated him. She'll just have to be more careful next time, but for now she turns back, letting the wind carry her the only way she knows. Silently. Just like that men went down.

   She wonders if Nina would want to go eat waffles with her but then she scoffs. Of cours Nina would. I'ts waffles.

    Jesper' training is going well. Pekka is somewhat satisfied and for the first time in his life he could tell when the Wraith was tailing him. But really, it was quite a patethic attempt, but at least she'll know better next time. 

    Nowadays, Jesper haunts the streets like a ghost that holds the promise of revenge. He walks during the day and trains during the night and then he sits and the edge of roofs looking down. Sometimes he looks out towards the see and imagines he's back with his dad.

    Or maybe he's somewhere much more far away, with his mother. He never came to Katterdam or he never quit school. What if after what if that haunts him just like he haunts this wretched city.

    But tonight, for the sun has started to started to set, he has a purpose. To see Kaz again. For some time he's been learning his schedule for the sake of his plan and he knows he's near the harbour.

   When he gets there most people are closing up for the night, loading their ships and leaving to go back home to their miserable lives. The only ones that remain are the boats on the sea, the moon keeping them company while they sway with the wind and the waters. It's a beautiful sight.

    Still not as beautiful as him. He's pale, ghostly so, dressed in all black, his cane leaving soft thuds in his wake. He looks like Jesper's worst nightmare.

    Jesper wants to fucking drown him.

    Instead he just smiles a little crocked and boyish, like everything is fine, just like it was before. Not like Kaz turned him into a ghost and now he'll haunt him even long after his death by destroying everything he was or could have been. He'll make him pay. 

    This time, they talk. 'I liked your gift, but I think this belongs to you.' There was no smile or warmth on his face. Just the empty shell of a human being. 'Thanks, Kaz.' Smile in place, jittery nervousness and fake warmth. So fake it almost looked real. Almost.

   'Cut the act Jesper.' Kaz' eyes were as sharp as his voice. And so he did. His face empty of emotion, features creating the image of the boy he had been, fragile glass shattered and put back together with bloody hands.

    Without another word, he walked past him. They both wanted to look back, he could feel it in their bones, but neither did, too much pride and stuborness and hurt stopping them. And so they continued walking away from each other, putting pressure on the strings tying them together until they snapped.

   And still, they both knew they would be drawn to one another, like two ghost haunting eachother for all eternity, until one of them was banished to hell. It was only a matter of time figuring out which one of them would remain behind, burdened by memories of the other.

   And Jesper liked addiction and pain and self destruction and chaos, so he hoped it would be him.

    Afterwords, Jesper saw him a lot. At the end of a road turning the corner, in the dark haired men on the streets, in the sound of metal against ground. He recognised him in the sound of scratching glass and screming men and deep cutting words.

    He also saw him in person, passing by one another. Sometimes they talk and sometimes they don't. Week after week go by like this, until they always stop to exchange a few words. He can see in the way that Kaz carries himself, in the way he talks just a little kinder to him, just like he used to and maybe still does with Inej, that his feelings for him have change.

    He wasn't a hundred procent sure though, not until Kaz told Jesper the plan to get him back with the Dregs. Not going to fucking happen. Well, al least not as long as Kaz was alive.

    And so Jesper swallows the acidic taste of hatred, so similar to love, and smiles at his atempts of showing regret. He will see this plan through, piece by piece of broken glass, even if he has to scar himself in the process.

    There was nothing that could have predicted what happened that day. No clouds in the sky, heavy rain pouring down or angry sea. No equivalent of a bad omen. Just a boy made of glass with choas eating at his insides deciding the fate of a mean, mean man. Wasn't it ironic that there was metal found in blood cells?

    Jesper was throughly prepared. He was sure of it. His control over his powers was absolute. He managed to achive in a few months things other grishas didn't manage in a whole live of training.

   Pekka had called him to his office. At first, Jesper hadn't planned to kill him this early on, but what better way to destroy the man who destroyed him other than taking away the thing he wanted most, right from under his nose?

    For as long as Jesper has known Kaz, he wanted Pekka to sufer, and Jesper can guarantee that he will, but Kaz will never have the satisfaction of seeing the man writhe in pain or beg for his life. No, that was only for Jesper.

   When Jesper went up the stairs, he was humming a tune about pigeons.

    When he entered the office, Pekka didn't say a word. What was it like to know people were worth less then the dirt on the soles of his shoes?, Jesper once had wondered. Now he knew.

    He didn't even have to let his hand linger on the door knob, it was locked between a touch and the next. Peka was unaware, unsuspecting, probably having called him for a simple mision.

    He sat down in the chair. This worked well enough on pigeons in abandoned allies, why would it be any diferent on people. 'Hey Pekka?'

    The men didn't even have time to respond before his eyes started bulging in his head, his tongue heavy and his head dizzy.

    'Your not going to make a sound, okay? We'll make a deal. You sign this paper willingly and you will never have to see your son's lifless body after I've burst every single vesel in his body. Oh, come on, of course I know you have a son. So what do you think?'

    He sat the paper in front of the men. His hand was shaking, so Jesper intensified the blood pressure in case he needed a little motivation. 'Tick, tock Pekka.' And so the men signed. Oficially, he was the new lider of the Dime Lions.

    After he was done, he put a bullet in the lifless man's body, one of Kaz's. The good thing about blood manipulation was that it didn't leave much traces for a while. He left the body in the middle of the street, like he would have accidentaly left a bullet, and then waited.

    The news spread fast. Kaz Brekker had killed Pekka Rollins. He had framed Kaz knowing he'd come to him but also because this was not the time to make new enemies. But before Kaz, he knew who else wpuld come

    It was worth every sleepless night spent training, the look on their faces. The anger, the fear, the hatred. They had come, like Jesper knew they would, like four lost puppies looking for their master.

    Marcela, Rolan, Zetian and Nora. He had bothered to learn their names now that they were to work for him. Jesper could see it in their gazes, that they knew he was the one who killed their boss, yet they couldn't prove it.

    For a brief second, he thaught about how they might feel, if the four of them were as close to their previous boss as him, Nina, Inej and Wylan had been with Kaz. But then the moment shattered and he remembered why he had done all this. Kaz will be dead by the time he is finished, even if the demon decides to take Jesper with him to hell.

    He refused to think about how Inej and Nina would feel, about how they felt about Wylan. And maybe Kaz was bad, but he wasn't the one who had killed their friend, not the one who had taken something beautiful and made it ugly and stained with blood.

    It wasn't his fault, he remainded himself. Kaz did this. He was the one that brought this upon them, and he will pay. Staring at the four of them, Jesper took the contract and pused it towards the closest one, Rolan. He saw the moment they realised he was their boos now, he saw it in Zetian' crazed gaze and in Nora' hunted one. He saw it in the resignition in Roland; and the hatred in Marcela, and it felt good.

    'If you see Kaz Brekker sent him straight to my office. Manage the panic this news might have stirred and announce everyone of the changes that happened, You are dissmised.' The satisfaction gain by the fanilly being beneth him couldn't be put in words.

     It didn't take long after that for Kaz to finally come. The last step in his plan. And when he closed the door behind him, Jesper couldn't help but be amused by how neither of the two most ruthless leaders of Katterdam didn't notice the room was drowned in metal.

    Kaz' anger stirred the chaos inside Jesper, blood pumping fast. It reminded him of gambling, but now the stakes where much higher. A gamble with life and most important of all, revenge.

    The fire lit Kaz' words on fire, voice rough and low. 'How dare you? He was mine, his death was mine. For years I've dreamed of this and after what you've done you dare shame me with a fake kill?'

    'Kaz, I'm sorry, okay? I fucked up,I know, but he tried to kill me and I have a plan. O swear I do. But I couldn't let anybody know I did it. Not for a while at least. And I couldn't risk making enemies with any other gang. Please forgive me.'

    'You'll pay for this, when the time comes, do you understand?'Kaz grits out. 'Ok Kaz,okay.' 

    'Now tell me your plan.' And Jesper does. He tells him how he thinks they should join the gangs, a last shamful act upon Pekka' name, destroying everything he's ever worked for and giving it to his biggest enemy. How, if he signs the contract, if one of them dies, the other will rule over their shared gand. How they'll rule together. He tells Kaz everything, not leaving any details out.

    It is long after he's finished talking that Kaz makes his move. 'i hate you', he sais. A lie. 'I love you.' Jesper whispers back, and it doesn't feel much diferent. It still burns and eats at his insides. It still keeps him awake at night, thimking about him. And yet, when Kaz signs the contract, the chaos breaks the glass and Jesper shatters to pieces.

    Their is metal all over the room and there is metal in his and Kaz' blood, one last tie conacting them. He fights like he has many times before, for his life, because he wants to survive and he wants to win. The gods have handed him a good hand to gamble and the tables have turned. 

    Kaz is strong yet blinded by love and rage and betrayal. He can't comprehend how his right hand men has turned against him, how he miscalculayed a final step. He fights until his last moment, when the blood insides him bursts from his eyes and nose and ears, and he takes one final piece on Jesper with him, leaves on last scratch one the glass.

    A scar from his right brow to his jaw, made by the crow on his cain, like a real bird gauging his eyeball out, his vision turning red. There is also a missing space where the glass shattered where the chaos that Kaz brought to life used to be and that died with him.

    The curtains are just the tiniest bit open. left on purpose, where he knows Inej is. She is his silent witness, for a silanced girl will never learn to scream again. Her vocal cords were ripped out by the people that took her, her footsteps shushed.

    Because she has lost but she still has more to lose. A family. Her parents, Nina, maybe even him. If there is anyone who understands what it's like to be sold like a piece of meat and to want rebenge, it's her.

    So Jesper lets this be their little secret, unspoken to the world.

    It takes a while to build his kingdom, but with help he gets there. As expected, he and Inej never talk about anything that transpired that night. Both Pekka and Kaz had great and many enemies but they come and go, while he stays. He is a constant nightmare in the city of monsters. The ruthless ruler whose metal cuts like broken glass.

    Many whisper about him and Kaz. Either that they were lovers or enemies, they never strayed too far from the truth, Love, hate or both, it all burned. Because no matter who told the story, there was always one truth. They were something to one another, and Jesper carried Kaz in the whole in his chest and sometimes in the glosiness of his eye.

    The whispers sometimes haunted him about gold mixed with mud water and how he was tainted. But now he had a family to keep safe and a city to rule. And yet, when looking in the shattered mirror that he kept in his pocket, an empty, cracked reflexion stared back and he wandered if mud water would kept the pieces together better than gold.