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Willow was tired.
She was happy, sure, with the arrival of Luz things had started to change for her, life was going a bit smoother, a bit better, a bit happier, but, like all things, it was posing unique challenges.
It had been fun, at first, getting to watch how mindlessly clueless Luz was about Amity and her excessively transparent feelings. And maybe Willow’s enjoyment of that scenario, clueless, helpless little Luz and the disastrously smitten and miserably tormented Amity, was the tiniest bit mean spirited. Maybe she felt as if it was a way of silently paying Amity back for the years of hurt she had caused. And maybe her pointed laugh at Luz’s misreading of conversations, her refusal to help Amity out unless explicitly asked, her not nudging Luz’s attention in the right direction had been a little cruel, a little bit of vengeful fun, but eventually that grew somewhat dim. Or, actually, it grew dim rather abruptly, over the course of about a week.
All at once Luz noticed Amity.
In the morning she was herself, treated Amity the same as she always had, the same as all the others, but at lunch it was as if a switch had been flipped. Luz was a disaster.
When Amity sat down at their table she went bright red, petrified and staring at Amity until she looked up, in Luz’s direction. At the movement Luz looked away, glancing panicked in Willow’s direction. It was not what Willow had been expecting for the day. Not something she, honestly, had been expecting at all.
She opened her mouth to speak, ask Luz what was wrong or tell her what to do or whatever it was she was wanted her to do in this scenario, but before she could do so much as utter Luz’s name Luz was stretching her arms out on the table, pushing her lunch from herself with a loud whirring sound.
“So,” Luz drew out the word, letting the noise pop as she finished, staring down at her hands and decidedly away from Amity’s gaze, “Good ol’ creamed goblin for lunch again , huh?”
The table was decidedly silent.
Willow cleared her throat.
Luz gave Willow a panicked look, desperate and intense and pleading. And even when Willow took pity on her and managed to steer the conversation away from whatever it was which had just happened, she found herself thinking it over as she lazily contributed.
So Luz clearly liked Amity now. That much was transparently obvious, even more obvious than Amity’s crush on her , but why? What had happened to make her go from normal, speaking smoothly, easily to Amity as they walked into class that morning, Amity the one with a faint blush, Luz at ease and unknowing, to this disaster? Willow knew they shared an abomination class before lunch and figured something must have happened for Luz to notice Amity in a different light. She would have to ask Luz the specifics later, in their own shared plants class, but for now she turned her focus back to the table, to Amity and Luz who were chatting once again with little improvement.
While the conversation moved, Luz was a disaster. Tripping over words and stuttering through sentences, avoiding her eyes and looking over and over again to Willow for help. Willow, however, was distracted by Amity who was remarkable only in the sense that she wasn’t blushing. Not the full faced, bright red sort of blush Willow would have expected from this, was frankly growing quite used to. Nor was it, either, even the slightly rosy, muted pink which was common at what felt like all times around Luz.
Amity was smart. As much as Willow had hated that fact before (albeit at different times in their friendship; when that fact was used against her) it was undeniable. Amity was smart . Really, really smart. So why was she not reacting? Surely she had noticed Luz’s behavior, surely she knew what it meant. But maybe, somehow, she hadn’t. Because instead of reacting at all, blushing, doing something about it, she only sat staring back at Luz, quiet and with a steady face, decidedly un-flushed cheeks.
What was going on today? Some sort of body swap? Surely that was the only explanation.
Still, Willow shook her head when Luz made an exceptionally absurd comment, something about pixies and fairy dust (something quite ignorant and considered rather offensive in some pixie sub circles), and cleared her throat again, gripping Luz on the arm and asking if she would join her in heading to the bathroom.
Luz sighed heavily, relief and upset both falling onto her face all at once, and she nodded vigorously. Willow sighed and led them away, leaving only a blissfully unaware Gus and oddly melancholy Amity behind.
**
Willow had hardly shut the door before Luz was off, running through her words.
Willow managed to piece the story together despite its rapid fire speed and disoriented pacing. In summary, it was something about how Amity had saved her from some abomination monster a few nights before. Amity had then taught her the specifics of how it was built in class today, had saved her from the rough and awkwardly formed knock-off a younger student eavesdropping on their conversation had made from her description. How she had held Luz’s hand and called her ‘her Luz’ and had smoothly and cooly saved her twice now.
Willow let her gasp for a moment when she was finished, staring at her before following it up with a quick, “So you like her now?”
Luz turned a violent shade of red, “You can’t tell her, okay?” she pleaded, voice wavering and low and desperate, “I’ve barely figured it out myself and she’s way too cool for me and I can’t stay here forever and she’d never even like me back!”
Willow wanted to smack her upside the head.
How did Luz not realize; how obvious it was that Amity liked her back, had already liked her for ages now? And Willow almost found herself telling her exactly that, how absurd it was that she wanted to hide something that would end well for the both of them, but the way Luz looked at her was too sincere to say otherwise. Her eyes watery and shaky and nervous, upset. Clearly Luz didn’t know Amity liked her back and while that was absurd, Willow supposed it would be better for them to figure it out on their own. They would have some cute little moment and realize with a laugh how silly they both were for not noticing before and fall into a charming little romance. Surely it couldn’t be long now, right?
“Of course I won’t, Luz,” she spoke gently, “I would never tell Amity for you,”
Luz thanked her with a violent swinging hug and Willow laughed. How happy she was at it was silly but Willow found it endearing. If she was this happy now , at her simply letting her tell Amity on her own, she couldn’t imagine how happy she would be when they realized it themselves soon.
What a mistake that assumption was.
**
Amity came over that evening, late in the night when Willow had already been well on her way to bed. She has been interrupted brushing her teeth by a ping of her scroll, Amity asking if she could talk, saying she was already out walking, wanted to stop by.
Willow would normally say no. She was tired and her and Amity, while mostly amended, were not great friends, but knowing Amity was already out, had more than likely snuck out of the estate somehow undetected with the intent of wanting to speak to her, drew her to say yes. She knew Amity, even after all these years; she wouldn’t just do something like this, something which would get her into plenty of trouble with her parents, unless something was up.
When she opened the door she was glad she had said yes. The poor girl was a mess.
She wasn’t crying but Willow could tell she had been not too long ago. Her cheeks were red, splotchy. Her eyes were puffy and glossy. Her skin sparkled gently with the residual moisture.
Willow cooed for her as she let her in, “Oh, Amity,” she spoke, “What’s wrong?”
Amity breathed heavily, sniffling along the way, as she followed Willow inside, to her bedroom, “It’s Luz,” she mumbled, her words shaky, soft.
Willow hesitated. What had happened since the hours after school? What disaster had the two of them, love stuck and absurdly unknowing of the other’s mutual adoration, been through while trying to hide their feelings? But even when she hesitated she didn’t have to wait long, Amity let out another, notably louder, shaky breath; wavering in pitch and threatening to bring on more tears, before speaking.
“She likes you; doesn’t she?”
Willow blinked, staring back at her, “I’m sorry?” she asked.
Amity’s voice wavered, “She,” she fumbled through the word, wiping her face as the tears finally started, “She was all blushy and giddy today and when you asked her away she was so nervous and when she came back she was all smiling and giddy and holding your hand!”
Willow stared at her for a moment more.
It felt bad to think of her so poorly, to think she was so dumb, when she was crying like she was but she couldn’t help it.
How could someone be so smart but so terribly stupid at the same time?
She sighed, tired, and crossed the room to sit next to Amity. Luz’s real confession was on her lips as she sat, Amity looking towards her, but she remembered at once Luz’s begging for her not to tell. It was stupid and ridiculous and Willow was annoyed with herself but at her remembering she couldn’t get herself to do it. Maybe it wouldn’t matter, likely they’d both be happy she did it, but she couldn’t break a promise which had been forged under such upset circumstances.
“Luz doesn’t like me, Amity,”
Amity calmed a bit, but not much, “What’d she tell you then?” she insisted, voice whiny, “Even if she didn’t say anything about that, that doesn’t mean it isn’t true,”
Willow rolled her eyes, the absurdity of Amity’s insistence drawing a burning frustration up and into her chest. How, how , was Amity so stupid? How did she not see it?
“Amity,” Willow grumbled, the annoyance at having been disturbed, at having to deal with this conversation which was so unnecessary, drawing her to speak without thinking, “Luz doesn’t like me she likes-“
And while Willow cut herself off as soon as she realized what she was saying it was too late.
Amity sat up straight.
“Who?” she asked, desperate.
Willow faltered; flustered, panicked, feeling horrible, and wholly not knowing what she could possibly do to fix this, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything,”
“ Willow ,” Amity whined, the tears forming again, “Please,”
Willow sighed, guilt twisting in her stomach, the flustered uncertainty of what to say next drawing her to nausea, “I promised I wouldn’t say but I,” she paused, stumbling through a breath as she stroked at Amity’s hair in what she hoped was a comforting gesture, feeling a swarming mix of guilt settling in the expanse of her chest. She swallowed, “I think you’ll be okay with it in the end,”
It took a lot to consult Amity, more than Willow thought she had in her, and by the time she left they had only a few spare hours before they needed to be getting up for school. Willow was tired. Very, very tired.
**
Luz, somehow, eventually managed to notice that Amity was smitten with someone, too. Unfortunately, this time didn’t go much better than it had with Amity.
By then it had been a little bit; more than Willow would have ever thought possible for this to go on, and by then Willow was so used to their mutual and absurd inability to recognize one’s feelings for the other that she was fully unexpecting it when Luz brought it up.
She had been slightly antsy all day. Willow could tell she was nervous, thinking about something, so she was glad when Luz finally opened her mouth to talk about it. She stopped in the middle of walking, the two of them halfway to Willow’s house to study for an upcoming plant’s exam, and she turned to Willow.
“Do you know who Amity has a crush on?” she asked, voice tense, direct, sharp in a way which was so unlike Luz she found her heart skipping a beat.
Still, even when she hadn’t been expecting it after so long, wasn’t used to such a serious tone lingering in Luz's voice, she smiled when she realized what was being asked of her. Finally , one of them was picking up on it.
Although, Willow found herself catching up; not quite. Luz, somehow, apparently wasn’t sure of the important part: who.
“I,” Willow started, the sound coming out tense as she tried to figure out where she was going with her words, what she would say. She decided her best bet was to pry, “I’m not quite sure,” she hummed, “Do you have any ideas?”
Luz stared straight ahead for a long moment before she looked down towards her hands where she picked nervously at her fingernails. Her face was still, serous, and, again, it felt so disjointed on her face that Willow found herself uneasy.
“She’s liked them for a long time,” Luz eventually said, her voice just as serious as her face. Willow swallowed.
“Has she?” She asked, feigning cluelessness.
“She was going to ask them to Grom,” Luz explained quickly, as if she had had her answer prepared already. She kept her head down staring at her hands, picking at her fingers, but her voice, her tone, her fiddling all grew sharper. Her eyebrows pulled down and her nose scrunched. She looked upset, almost angry. Willow stared, perplexed, “She’s still all antsy and fluttery around her,”
Well that was new.
The Grom thing, for starters. Willow didn’t know about that. She hadn’t known Amity had been planning on asking anyone to Grom, let alone Luz. But, then again, how would she have? More so what surprised Willow so wholly was the implication that Luz knew. Did Luz know? Had Amity asked her to Grom? Had Luz finally put the prices together? Had she always known?
But that couldn’t be it. Luz was upset about the situation, was bitter and nervous and, if Willow knew Luz, probably tittering on the edge of falling to tears. So she must not know then. Right? Or else what was she so upset about?
“Luz,” Willow spoke, her voice coming out scratchy as it caught in her throat, nervous confusion making the words rumble out uneasily, “What’s wrong?”
“It’s you ,” Luz responded bitterly and abruptly, sending Willow a cold look as she forced herself down, sitting heavily down on the grass with crossed arms and a pouted lip, “Who else could it be?”
Willow blinked at her, watching as she forced away her tears with an angry glare, kicking at the rocks in front of her.
Titan, Willow was tired of this. Of this very absurd conclusion that the both of them had come to independently.
She sighed heavily, plopping herself down next to Luz to give her a gentle look, a hand placed on a knee.
“I don’t think it’s me, Luz,” she whispered, rubbing at the skin of her leg gently with the most sincere look she could muster. Luz looked back at her, locking eyes with Willow for a moment before they grew suddenly glossy. She took a heavy breath herself and wiped at her face while Willow cooed at her.
Luz sniffled after a moment, the tears wiped away but her words still rocky with the remnants, “Then who?” she asked bitterly, “Boscha? It wouldn’t make sense for her to still like her now. You’re the only one it could be,”
“Luz-“
“And it makes sense too! You used to be friends, you’re pretty, you’re smart, you’re strong. You’d be great for her,”
“Luz, it's definitely not me,”
“Then who?” Luz shouted suddenly, her words booming and startling in the small space between them. It was unexpected, so unlike Luz to have such an angry outburst, and Willow found herself stunned to silence.
Luz stalled when Willow jumped, stared briefly at her with wide eyes, but when the moment had settled her frown deepened. She curled in upon herself so her head rest atop her knees, she stared straight ahead, avoiding Willow’s gaze, “There’s nothing wrong with it if you two do like each other. It’s better, anyway,”
“Luz, I certainly don’t like Amity and I’m sure she doesn’t like me,” Willow insisted gently, scooting closer so that she could lean into Luz’s side in a half-hug. Luz whined at the touch but leaned into it herself, sniffling gently as her eyes grew watery all over again.
It stung to see. All of this but mostly seeing Luz so upset, heart aching over a crush on a girl who was also helplessly in love with her. It hurt to see her crying and miserable because she had misread a situation terribly. It hurt to know that if either of them had any sort of common sense they would be together and so terribly happy it would be unbearable.
But mostly Willow just felt terribly guilty. Guilty for letting this go on for so long, for not telling either of them about the other. Guilty for thinking that , thinking that it would be okay to meddle. Guilty that she didn’t know what to do. What was better, tell or let them figure it out on their own.
Willow swallowed, guilt and anxiety building up tight within her chest but before it could rupture, before the pressure could build so much that she would pick a choice out of panic, Luz came out of her tears to kick her heels and whine.
“It has to be you. There’s no one else it could possibly be,”
And that brought Willow back. She still felt guilty about it all, having not said enough, having wanted to say too much, but she decided that maybe helpless people needed a nudge sometimes. She could do that much at least.
She sighed, “I think it’s you, Luz,”
Luz laughed, a bitter, self deprecating sound, “Well I know that’s not right,”
It was so uncharacteristic of Luz, to speak so negatively, so down on herself that it took Willow a moment to really catch up with the tone. She found herself looking at her, searching for some other thing in her demeanor, words which would make what she had said feel right coming from her mouth. But that other thing never came, wasn’t there; instead Luz stayed sitting curled in upon herself and glaring down at her hands, the harsh unbelieving in her voice echoing loudly in the space between them.
Luz had never seemed anything other than bubbly. Bright, positive and confident in a way Willow, someone who had dealt with plenty of her own insecurities, had always admired. She was the positive one, walking through life in a series of smiles and reassurances and enthusiastic remarks. Willow never would have expected anything other than that, had never realized that she was anything but that truly. Now that it had bubbled to the surface, this bitter insecurity, Willow’s chest felt compacted.
Had Luz always felt this way? Had she been trying to hide it or had Willow just not been paying good enough attention? Why hadn’t Willow realized?
Willow shook off the panic; now wasn’t the time to ponder, it was the time to fix it, and she smiled gently at her, trying to come off as gentle, sincere and when she realized Luz couldn’t see she took her hand so that she looked up into her face. Her brows were pulled down, her nose scrunched, her eyes glossy.
Willow’s heart ached at the sight and she realized that maybe, helpless, insecure people need a bit more than a nudge.
“She’s not very subtle about it,” Willow smiled down at her.
Luz’s eyes widened quickly, and she rose a little taller where she sat but she didn’t look awfully convinced, didn’t look terribly relieved, “Are you being serious?”
Willow laughed at her despite the whirlwind of emotions she felt, “She really couldn’t be more obvious,”
Luz looked at Willow, serious and long. The more she stared the more uneasy Willow felt. It wasn’t right to see such a look, so stern and serious and unhappy, on Luz’s face. Eventually Luz broke their eye contact, her eyes quickly shifting down to stare at her balled hands. She bit her lip “That can’t be right,”
Willow’s heart pounded in her chest, staring at her looking down at herself, biting at her lip and biting back tears.
It made her heart sting, her chest burn. She felt like a bad friend, how long had Luz felt this way, so insecure? How had Willow never noticed? How had she let herself stay silent on the matter, never paying enough attention to see how Luz’s supposed blindness to Amity’s feeling was instead a manifestation of her hurt? Willow swallowed, chest stinging and stomach tumbling uneasily, and she scooted close so that she could pull Luz into her side.
“I’ve known Amity almost my whole life and she’s never acted like this until you came around,” Willow found herself explaining slowly, her voice as gentle and reassuring as she could muster.
Luz refused to meet her gaze but Willow watched as her frown lessened in intensity, her cheeks grew the tiniest bit pink.
“You really think so?”
Willow looked at her. She could tell, even when she lightened a bit, that she didn’t fully believe her. Didn’t believe it . And Willow, all over again, felt like a bad friend. She thought she had been doing the right thing; letting them sort it out on their own, but she had never paid enough attention to have ever caught this . She should have realized. Should have watched, listened better. She should have noticed so she could have done what she should have done. What she would do.
Willow sighed, “I’ve been trying to let you both figure it out because I thought you’d be happier that way but she literally couldn’t be more obvious about it being you, Luz,”
Luz frowned and Willow could feel it in her bones that Luz still didn’t believe her, not all the way, but she hoped it would be enough. Eventually Luz smiled, gentle and careful, and stood up with slightly water eyes, “I’ll think about it,”
**
In the end it happened disastrously and absurdly. Willow was just glad it happened at all.
It has been a little bit again, a few weeks, and nothing more had been said, nothing had changed. Willow had spoken to Luz about it a few more times, insisted and explained it to her in all the ways she knew how, all the ways she could think to say it short of directly breaking her sworn secrecy to either of them (something she still couldn’t fully get herself to do). And while Luz took ages, slowly she started to actually toy with the idea. Gradually she grew from sad and nervous over the situation to tentatively hopeful. She let Willow walk her through moments when Amity was violently obvious, she rambled about all the date ideas she had, let Willow pick out the ones she thought Amity would like best to explore as hypotheticals which turned inevitably into long, sprawling stories.
And eventually, after ages and ages of waiting for either of them to make any sort of move, Willow agreed to play matchmaker.
Luz was still a bit nervous to do it on her own, still not fully convinced it was her Amity liked, was still fully jealous of some pretend person Amity was in love with (something which always made Willow want to laugh; her refusal to accept she was jealous of no one other than herself), but she wanted and Willow prodded and eventually they had a plan.
Luz has constructed most of it. Which was why it was absolutely absurd, but with a little help from Gus and an overwhelming desire to see Luz happy, she found herself agreeing.
It was something Luz had seen in a movie once, a human movie which she explained in excruciating detail (much to the excitement of Gus). Luz wasn’t supposed to watch it, her mom had thought she was too young at the time when she had first heard about it from two girls in her class, but she had snuck the dvd into her room and watched it and fell in love with the expression of love she saw on the screen. She told Willow how she had always wanted someone to do the type of thing seen in the movie for her; to have someone want her enough to perform some massive, grand gesture. She eventually expressed how (despite the nerves which grew bigger by the second) doing it for someone else was just as exciting, if not more. The genuine smile in her eye, despite the way she bounced and shook from the anxiety, made Willow smile, the silliness she felt at having to partake in such a weird, human display of affection wearing off a bit. They deserved it. Both of them, but Luz especially. She was wonderful. She deserved to realize that others saw that too. Her, Gus, and especially Amity.
And maybe it was silly to feel that way when she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt how it was all gonna go, but when Amity left Hexside that afternoon, a few hours after classes formally ended due to the tutoring she was doing for extra credit, Willow’s chest flipped anxiously.
“Here we go, Luz,” she whispered, pointing manically to Gus to start his cue.
He did an amazing job, of course, jumping out from the side of the building (something which startled Amity into a small squeak) and casting an illusion which drew a beam of light to Willow, standing tall in the middle of the front yard, Luz crouched behind her, hiding.
“Amity!” Willow cried out. Her eyes shot towards her, confused and tense at the noise and Willow smiled despite it, especially when her eyes lifted to see the sign Willow held above her head.
Large and cut out of flimsy paper it read in Luz’s loopy handwriting (decorated over with glitter and stickers and doodles) ‘SURPRISE!!’.
Amity laughed, quipping her head and giving her an odd look, “Surprise? For what? It’s not my birthday or anything,”
Willow laughed back, dropping the first sign to the ground to reveal the one behind it.
This one, just as gaudy and loud as the last, read ‘YOU HAVE A SECRET ADMIRER’.
The way Amity’s cheeks immediately turned bright red made Willow laugh through the needlessly worry, she nudged Luz behind her with her foot, her cue, and she jumped out from behind Willow, bearing a bouquet of eyelid roses and a teddy slitherbeast, and the last ‘sign’, a long and poetic written confession Luz had slaved over (with Willow’s help).
Willow’s heart pounded in her chest. She could see Luz’s hands shaking, but before Luz could even speak a word Amity had rushed down a majority of the stairs, “Luz?”
“Amity,” Luz breathed heavily, blushing when Amity caught up to her, her knees wavered, her hands shook, and her voice wobbled but she took a breath like Willow has trained her to do and continued speaking, “I really like you and I wanna ask you out,”
Amity’s eyes went wide before watering over completely, she looked Luz up and down and the tears properly came. Despite it she pulled Luz forward into a hug and Willow, heart pounding heavily in her chest, sighed a breath of relief.
“Luz,” she whimpered through their hug, “I like you, too”
Luz pulled back, her own eyes glossy with tears. When she spoke her voice wavered and shook with the sound of them, “Really?”
“Yes!” Amity insisted, taking Luz’s hands and holding them tight, “I have for a while,”
Luz flushed all over, “Oh,” she laughed, smiling brightly, loudly. Willow felt herself mimicking the expression, “I have, too,”
And when Amity dropped her hands to grab her face, pull her in, Willow felt nothing other than relief.
Finally.