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The memorial service was the perfect military sendoff.
It was held on Mindoir, the colony that had born Shepard into the galaxy. People from her past had appeared to speak words of praise and applaud her valor in the service, even until the moment of her death. Admiral Hackett and Captain Anderson had even spoken as well, giving Shepard well deserved accolades for everything she’d done on the Citadel during the battle with Saren.
But it didn’t matter. None of it mattered… because Shepard was dead.
The Normandy’s crew had attended… well, those that survived. Kaidan hadn’t spoken to a single one of them. Not Garrus, not Tali… hell, not even Joker. What was he supposed to say to the people whom Shepard was closest to during her life? No words, no condolences could make up for the fact that the person they followed, the person they had loved, was now lost to space. No one had attempted to retrieve her body. Not the Alliance, not the Council, not anyone from the Normandy.
It was as if Charley Shepard had never mattered.
Perhaps she’d been right all along… maybe no one truly cared. Shepard was only a tool, a weapon to wield. Once she was no longer useful, they tossed her away like days old trash.
No, he wasn’t being fair. Liara T’Soni had made an effort. So had he. But no one else would take up the mission to find the body of a beloved Commander. Not even to confirm her death. The survivors had scattered to the wind, finding other careers or returning to their home planets.
A tear escaped his eye and rolled slowly down his cheek. When he’d been aboard the escape pod, he could see the Normandy, his home for the last two years, on fire. The explosion rocked the pod, sending them farther out into space than he imagined it would, but from where they floated, the wreck of the ship was still visible. He knew something had happened… he didn’t know how, but the feeling in his gut had almost made him sick on the floor.
Now he knew why. His best friend, the only person he could confide in, was gone.
Everything they’d sacrificed, the people they’d lost, just to end up here. On a partially deserted colony, an empty casket, and hollow words coming from the top brass… the very ending a person like Charley Shepard didn’t deserve.
She would fucking hate this , Kaidan thought to himself, his eyes scanning the faces in the crowd. She would hate every single person that sat there mourning her, but didn’t put in any effort to actually know her. Like Hackett… or Udina… or the other members of the Council that sent her into that part of space to ‘keep her out of the way.’
They had never gotten to say a proper goodbye to Jenkins. Or to Ashley. She would be pissed to know that she was the one deemed important enough for a memorial service. She always put her crew, put civilians, and those that needed help above herself in all things.
This was almost an insult.
With a sigh, Kaidan buried his face in his hands, tuning out the droning speech that was being given by another military general or admiral. He’d lost count by this point. They would talk about Shepard’s great sacrifice for the Alliance and her heroics on the battlefield, but with each new face, the platitudes got older. None of that mattered when Shepard had petitioned to go after Saren. None of that mattered when she’d been grounded or when she had warned them about the Reaper threat. No one wanted to listen to her. They all ignored her words and sent her away, hoping she’d shut up eventually.
They got their wish , Kaidan thought glumly. She’ll never be a thorn in anyone’s side again .
“Lieutenant.”
The voice broke into his thoughts, bringing him back to reality. Glancing up, Kaidan was surprised to see Captain Anderson standing above him, arms crossed over his chest and a sad expression on his face. “Captain, I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you.”
Anderson sat beside him and it was then that Kaidan realized that the memorial had cleared out. “Are you alright, son?”
“How- how long was I sitting like that?” Kaidan asked, almost afraid of what the answer might be.
“Just a few minutes. You were so absorbed in your thoughts, I almost didn’t want to disturb you. But I figured you’d want to head home soon.” Anderson folded his hands in his lap, his dark eyes on the memorial stone that had been erected for Shepard. “You know, I always thought these ceremonies were in bad taste.”
Kaidan would have laughed if he felt anything besides an aching hole in his chest.
Anderson took the silence as a hint and continued to speak instead of waiting for a response. “I know you were close to Shepard. You weren’t just a friend to her, Alenko.”
“Sir?”
“You were her brother. Shepard told me many times in passing that she wouldn’t have taken command of the Normandy if you weren’t there. It was non-negotiable.” Anderson finally glanced at Kaidan, the sadness now turning to pity. “She was proud of you, you know. Of who you are becoming.”
Kaidan closed his eyes, the weight of Anderson’s words hitting him like a shotgun blast. Maybe the Captain meant for it to be comforting, to know how much his presence had meant to Shepard… to Charley . But it only made everything harder.
He was going to have to live his life without her. Without the one person whom he’d shared everything with… the person who helped him become a better man, a better soldier… and a better friend. He didn’t speak as Anderson patted him on the shoulder gently, leaving him to his sorrow.
Kaidan could only stare at the memorial stone, the only sound besides the steady thumping of his heart was that of the warm Mindoir winds. There was so much he wanted to say to her, but his brain could only form one coherent thought.
Rest easy, Shepard. I’ll pick up where you left off.