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It completely stupid. New York is 302 square miles in size, yet somehow he manages to bump into his mother and sister, both of whom brush past without even glancing at him. And for a second he was tempted to scream at them, at the world, at everyone who played a role during the memory wipe, he wanted to yell and scream at them, let them know that he’s still there , that he wasn’t a ghost, that he existed.
But he had to stand there in the cereal aisle, listening to them bicker about whether to take coco puffs or cheerios while trying to act like he wasn’t falling apart inside.
He left his groceries in the store itself and sped home, any longer in that store and he was gonna do what his mind was screaming at him to do.
Now here he is, sitting in his bed, blubbering like a fool to his heart’s content. The apartment is silent except for his poorly-stifled sobs, if Jace gets home before he gets a chance to compose himself, he’s not sure he’ll be able to do much when Jace inevitably storms out of the apartment to hunt down whatever made Simon bawl like a baby.
He scrubs at his face, wincing when his skin smarts at the motion. He leans back against the headboard and pulls Jace’s blanket close.
He thought he was over this, over the life he knows he can never get back, over grieving for a mother who didn’t even remember him. But apparently, all it took was a familiar laugh and a smile that felt like home and he was a 16 year old thrust into a world he didn’t want to be in all over again.
The tears start up and this time Simon can’t bring himself to care. Sobs rip through him and he wants to hit himself, tell himself to get a grip before Jace comes home. His boyfriend already had enough on his plate and he didn’t want him worrying over Simon.
He leans his head back and stares at the glow in the dark stars he and Jace had stuck the day they moved in.
He’s tempted to call Clary or Alec. But Clary might let it slip to Izzy who will most definitely tell Jace and if he tells Alec, he would most definitely tell Jace because communication is important in every relationship . And then Jace will arrive, voice and smile soft in a way that makes Simon melt and then Simon would tell him everything and cause him to worry even more and distract him and Simon really doesn’t want that.
Distantly, he hears the front door open.
*****************
The first thing Jace notices when he enters his apartment is the silence, which is worrying. Because by now his boyfriend should have been puttering around the kitchen making mac and cheese as he sang along to whatever song was playing on the radio. The second thing he notices is the muffled sobs floating in from their bedroom. Worst case scenarios flash through his brain as he drops everything and runs to the bedroom.
The sight that meets his eyes makes his heart ache. Simon’s curled up on the bed, staring at the wall, seemingly unbothered by the tears flowing down his cheeks. He’s clutching their blanket like it’s the only thing keeping him grounded to reality. He quietly closes the door, careful as to not startle the younger boy before gently calling out his name. His voice seems to snap Simon out of his daze and he watches as Simon's expression brightens, though the smile doesn’t reach his eyes. He bounces off the bed, roughly wipes at his face and moves toward Jace.
“Jace,” he exclaims, “I didn’t hear you come in. Sorry, I forgot about dinner, you ok with Chinese for tonight? I mean I hope-”
“Simon,” he cuts him off, hands coming to cup the vampire’s face, “What happened?”
And Simon breaks.
The tears flow down like a dam burst open and he crumples and it’s only Jace’s fast reflexes that stop him from completely falling on the floor.
They end up on the floor, Simon on Jace’s lap, clinging to him as he cries and cries and cries. The sobs come faster than he can handle, the tears warm against Jace’s neck. They sit like that for what seems like hours and Jace is glad he chose to change into comfortable clothes at the institute, he figures Simon wouldn’t have liked crying into leather.
He runs a comforting hand through the brown locks and rubs the boy’s back. He’s shaking with the intensity of the sobs and Jace tightens his arms around Simon and whispers meaningless reassurances into his ear, desperate to offer Simon comfort. The sobs don’t let up and Jace feels like crying himself as his boy just breaks down in his arms. He’s never seen Simon so broken, Simon was pure, he was the bubbly one, the chatty, lively one who knew random facts about true crime and snakes. He didn’t deserve to be crying his eyes out in his boyfriend’s arms at 7pm on a Tuesday evening.
If it hadn’t been for Simon needing him, he’d have already hunted down whoever it was that caused Simon to end up like this. Simon tries to say something but it's strained and muffled and Jace shushes him, whatever it is, it can wait for now because all he can focus on is calming Simon down because he was in no condition to do any talking right now.
He presses a kiss to Simon’s forehead, letting him know that he’s there and that he’s listening.
A few minutes later, Simon’s body goes lax and Jace shifts back in alarm to see Simon had fallen asleep, all that crying must have been exhausting. And Jace feels a twinge of guilt at not having checked in on Simon earlier, who knows how long he’d been crying?
He gently picks Simon up and carries him to the bed. And scoots behind him after he settles down, as an afterthought, he fishes out his phone from his pocket to text Alec.
To Alec: hey I need to take the day off tmrw
From Alec: everything ok?
Jace contemplates telling Alec everything but he also knows that Simon and Alec are notoriously close and telling Alec Simon had a breakdown will probably send him storming in here, weapons drawn, ready to hurt whoever hurt his best friend. For the amount of effort Alec puts into acting like he doesn’t care about Simon, he does a pretty bad job.
To Alec: think so, simon’s not doing great
From Alec: is it something physical?
From Alec: because if it is magnus can come over
To Alec: no it’s not physical, i’ll let you know once i find out, he’s out like a light rn
From Alec: take care of him jace
To Alec: always
He sets the phone aside and turns to face Simon. Even in his sleep, he looks troubled and Jace just wants to smooth it away but he knows that whatever is causing Simon this much sorrow is rooted too deep to be simply smoothed away.
He pulls him closer and Simon’s hand comes up to clutch his hoodie as he nuzzles into his chest.
And in the silence, Jace sings. An old French lullaby that he’d heard through the walls of the Institute, a lullaby that reminded him of a glimmering lake and green meadows and a chance at a new life.