Chapter Text
“I just want to hang out with you.”
“With me and my mom?”
“Exactly. She was cool.”
Simon looked at Wilhelm sideways, as if assessing how genuine he was being, whether it would be a good idea. Wilhelm looked back, smiling, hopeful.
“Let’s go, then,” Simon said, returning his smile.
Wilhelm jumped off the window ledge and walked purposefully down the hallway, towards the school exit. Simon huffed a laugh and followed, throwing his jacket on as they went. They walked out of the doors together, walking down the stone and gravel staircase, eyes trained on each other. Wilhelm felt like this was almost too good to be true, and he was half waiting for the other shoe to drop.
They got on the bus together, Wilhelm having the app ready on his phone to avoid looking like an idiot in front of Simon. Thankfully, it was on the later side, so there weren’t too many people on who would recognize him. He and Simon sat towards the back anyways, huddled together, occasionally shooting glances at each other.
“Will your mom be okay with me coming over?”
“Yeah, definitely,” Simon said confidently. “She loved you at lunch yesterday.”
Wilhelm smiled bashfully and ducked his head while Simon giggled.
“I’m glad I got the Mom stamp of approval,” Wilhelm said, looking back up. Simon softened, leaning his head back against the seat and smiling softly at him. Wilhelm, unable and unwilling to fight against Simon’s gravitational pull, mirrored his position and looked at him, eyes flicking back and forth between Simon’s. He felt his gaze stray to Simon’s lips, which pulled slightly further into a small smirk.
“Wille…”
“Hmm?”
“What exactly were your plans for this weekend?”
“I didn’t really have any,” Wilhelm said honestly. “I just wanted to… spend some time with you.”
“Hmm,” Simon said, looking like he didn’t quite believe him. “And, just to be clear… are we not forgetting what happened last Friday?”
Wilhelm paused, a bit startled by the bluntness. He realized it was actually incredibly refreshing to speak directly, without any obfuscated meaning or innuendo.
“Not unless you want to,” he practically whispered.
Simon shook his head, eyes twinkling. They continued to stare at each other like lovestruck idiots until, finally, they reached Simon’s stop. They walked in silence to his house. It wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable silence, but there was a buzzing tension between them so thick you would struggle to wade through it. Wilhelm became hyper-aware of Simon’s body and its distance to his own, and the swing of their arms, causing their elbows, shoulders, and hands to brush against each other. He was fit to burst.
“Hola,” Simon called out when they walked in. Linda popped her head out of a bedroom.
“Hola! I thought you were staying at Ayub’s tonight,” she said questioningly, not noticing Wilhelm yet, who was bent over taking his shoes off.
“Uh, change of plans,” Simon said, looking at him. “He had some family stuff going on. You remember Wilhelm, right?”
“Oh!” Linda said, seeing him when he straightened up and smiled nervously at her. “Of course, hi, Wilhelm.”
“Hi, Linda. It’s nice to see you again.”
“You too. Can I get you something to drink?”
“We’re just going to go hang out in my room,” Simon said awkwardly. She looked like she knew exactly what was going on, but waved them off with an easy smile nonetheless. Simon led Wilhelm down the hallway and around a corner, telling him to close the door at the end of the hall, and moving all the way to the back.
“This is my room,” he said, indicating the cozy space with only a curtain separating it from the hallway.
“Cool,” Wilhelm said, not looking around. His eyes were fixed on Simon’s face. He wanted nothing more than to jump on him and kiss him feverishly, the way he had been dreaming about vividly for a week. Longer, if he’s being honest. He just barely stopped himself, years of media training helping him, but he could do nothing else than stare at him. When Simon realized he was just watching him, he stilled.
“Uh, hi.”
“Hi,” Wilhelm said, stepping closer. Simon visibly swallowed.
“What, uh--” Simon trailed off, losing his breath in the face of Wilhelm’s single-minded focus and slow advance towards him. “What do you want to do?”
“What do you want to do?” Wilhelm asked, less than an arm’s length away from him. He kept getting closer and closer, carefully and deliberately, until his feet were almost touching Simon’s. He stopped there.
“I don’t know…” Simon whispered.
Wilhelm’s heart was in his throat, but he summoned up what little courage he had and brushed an errant curl off Simon’s forehead, his hand lingering over his ear. Simon’s eyes fluttered shut and his breath hitched, and when he leaned into the touch, Wilhelm knew he was done for.
“I really like you,” he blurted out, still quietly enough that he wouldn’t obliterate the atmosphere. Simon’s eyes flew open and his lips spread into a devastating smile. Wilhelm’s heart was going to fall out of his ass.
“I like you too,” Simon said, raising his hand to hold Wilhelm’s, which was still resting on his hair. Wilhelm leaned in, terrified and exhilarated. This time, he didn’t hesitate or wait for Simon to make the first move; he was tired of waiting. When their lips met, Wilhelm felt like he had reached nirvana. His mind was clear, his heart was soaring. This . This is what it was all about.
When the kiss started moving, their tongues joining the dance, Wilhelm pressed in as close as he could, so every inch of his body was touching Simon’s. His hands had moved to grasp Simon’s head, running through his curls and tugging lightly. He could feel Simon getting as into it as he was, and he walked him backwards blindly until the back of Simon’s legs hit the bed. He sat down and immediately scooted backwards and sideways, resting on his elbows. Wilhelm crawled on top of him, latching their mouths together again desperately. He didn’t know where this was going, but he felt like he would die if he stopped. So he didn’t stop.
--
That night, all they did was make out (with wandering hands, but that’s neither here nor there). Neither were particularly comfortable going further than that with Linda right next door, preparing dinner. That weekend, though, they spent every second together, and some of those seconds were spent in an empty house with no one to interrupt them. Things grew naturally from there.
Wilhelm felt like he was living a dream, a fake life designed for someone other than himself, for someone who could actually live their own. The perfection of the two days they spent wrapped up in each other’s bubble seemed a fragile state, and he was terrified of doing anything to shatter it, to make Simon reconsider what the fuck he was doing.
They did, actually, get some studying done that weekend, despite Wilhelm’s desire to never leave Simon’s bed except for food and bathroom breaks. Simon actually cared deeply about his grades, and he forced Wilhelm to sit down and run math problems with him. Wilhelm found it all impossibly endearing, although there probably wasn’t much that Simon could do at this point that he wouldn’t find endearing. They did leave Bjärstad, though, because Wilhelm figured Linda would definitely become suspicious if he spent two straight days in Simon’s bedroom.
That was how, Sunday evening, Wilhelm found himself lying on his bed at Hillerska with his head in Simon’s lap, Simon’s history book balanced on Wilhelm’s chest and his right hand stroking Wilhelm’s hair. Wilhelm, for his part, was content to lay there and look at Simon, who occasionally smiled at the obvious attention but remained largely focused, somehow.
Wilhelm’s phone rang, startling both of them. He leaned over to grab it from the desk and sat up quickly, seeing that it was Erik requesting a FaceTime. He looked at Simon, unsure about how he wanted to play this, and saw him looking at him curiously, with an eyebrow raised in question. Wilhelm answered the call before he had finished deciding, so he just turned to face Simon so that Erik wouldn’t see him on his end.
“Hi,” he called, somewhat nervously.
“Hi,” Erik answered cheerfully. “How’s it going?”
“Good, good, yeah, good,” Wilhelm said, looking anywhere but at Simon. There was a pause, and he looked back at the screen to see Erik looking at him expectantly.
“What?”
“What what?” Erik teased. “How’d it go?”
Wilhelm felt his face heating up.
“How’d what go?”
“Your study weekend. With your not-a-crush.”
Simon snorted lightly on the other side of the bed, having abandoned all pretense of studying in favor of fully eavesdropping on Wilhelm’s call. Wilhelm panicked and looked at him with wide eyes. He knew Erik had heard that.
“Wilhelm! Are they with you right now?”
“What? No, no one’s-- shut up,” he stammered. Simon was covering his mouth with both hands, shaking silently with laughter. Erik, having no such qualms, was fully cackling on the line.
“Have you been together all weekend? Did I just interrupt something intimate ?”
“I’m hanging up on you now, goodbye.”
Wilhelm shut the phone on Erik laughing in his face, and he stayed there, looking down at his closed phone, cheeks on fire. He could see Simon had stopped shaking in his periphery, but he didn’t quite want to look at him yet. Simon shuffled towards him on the bed and placed himself directly in front of his bent knees.
“So…” Simon said, leaning forward. “What was that I heard about a crush?”
“Not you too,” Wilhelm complained, letting himself fall backwards so he was laying down, his legs still crossed. Simon, undeterred, crawled over to straddle his waist and leaned over him, his face inches from Wilhelm’s. It made Wilhelm’s heart go all weird.
“Did you tell your brother about me?”
“Uh, kinda, I guess?” Wilhelm said, reluctantly making eye contact. “I was supposed to go home to see him this weekend and he kinda figured it out when I told him I wanted to stay here.”
Simon looked taken aback, his face unreadable.
“You were supposed to go home?” he asked quietly.
“Uh, yeah, that’s kind of the point of the parent’s weekend? Although, my parents wouldn’t have been there.”
“You-- you came to Bjärstad, to my house, instead of going home to the royal palace, to see your brother, who you haven’t seen since you came here?”
Wilhelm frowned slightly, confused about what Simon was asking. He wondered if he had said something wrong.
“Yeah? Is that okay?”
“Is that-- what exactly did you tell your brother?”
“Just that I wanted to stay here for the weekend, cause there was… someone I wanted to spend time with.”
Simon stared at him for another few seconds and then sat on him more fully, leaning down to capture Wilhelm’s lips with his own. Wilhelm wasn’t expecting the depth or intensity of the kiss, but he wasn’t exactly opposed to it. When Simon pulled back, Wilhelm was flushed red again, albeit for entirely different reasons this time.
“I’m glad you stayed,” Simon said softly, with an oddly serious tone. It took Wilhelm’s brain a moment to catch up. He smiled.
“Me too.”
--
From that weekend on, they spent virtually every moment together. Simon still sat with Sara in most classes, but Wilhelm made sure to always sit in the next desk over, and they would shoot each other glances constantly and talk quietly when they could. In the evenings, either Wilhelm would go to Bjärstad or Simon would stay at Hillerska, holed up in Wilhelm’s private room. Often, especially those nights at Hillerska, they would end up in bed together, learning the landscape of each other’s bodies and kissing so much Wilhelm wasn’t sure who his tongue belonged to anymore. Other days, however, they would play video games, or talk, or each do their own thing, content to be in each other’s presence for a little longer. Wilhelm was addicted to the feeling of being in Simon’s orbit, and he had long decided to stop denying himself that.
One night, several weeks after the parent’s weekend, they were in Wilhelm’s room, Simon scrolling through his phone while Wilhelm tried to study, absent-mindedly petting Simon’s legs, which were thrown across his own.
“Ooh, Wille, look at this one,” Simon said, leaning forward to show Wilhelm his phone. It was a selfie they had taken earlier, at sunset on the lake. It was beautiful.
“We look good,” Wilhelm said honestly.
“We do,” Simon agreed. “We should post it.”
Oh. Wilhelm froze. Last time, when Simon had posted that story of him, Wilhelm had been in a panic when he had asked him to delete it. It had been too soon after the fight video, and he was overly wary of his face being on social media. This time, though, things had evolved slightly, for him and for them . He was slightly more removed from the video now, the wound of going through a massive public embarrassment and immediately being punished by his family not quite as raw. Also, he and Simon were… together now. Maybe they hadn’t quite defined it in certain terms, but they were certainly more together than they had been that first time at the game, when they were both merely dancing around their feelings for each other. There was more at stake here.
“Um, could you… not?” Wilhelm asked, quietly. He bit his thumbnail and looked at Simon, seeing him sober up and lower his phone to his lap.
“Oh, are you-- Sorry, I guess we never really talked about this,” Simon said slowly. He didn’t seem too upset, more confused than anything, but Wilhelm continued to stare at him without saying anything. This was the first time in weeks that he had been forcibly reminded that he wasn’t just a teenager in a relationship, that every part of his public life had to be carefully considered. That everyone and everything he touched was affected by it, was drawn into his toxic shitstorm of a life. He felt terrible. He hated himself for even having to have this conversation.
“Do you… not want me to post anything with you? Or just, like… couple-y stuff?” Simon asked, some disappointment starting to show clearly in his face. Wilhelm’s chest ached.
“It’s not--” he started hesitantly. “It’s not necessarily about the… couple-y stuff. I mean, it is, I’m not-- I’m obviously not out. That’s not something I’m ready to even think about, I mean… that is just, like-- yeah. No. That’s not…”
He trailed off, stammering, feeling his heart start to beat wildly. Simon’s eyes had widened at his obvious panic, but he had made no move to get closer to him or say anything. Great , Wilhelm thought. Simon was realizing what a fucking mess Wilhelm was, what a mess he was getting himself into.
“I’m going to ruin your life,” Wilhelm blurted out. No going back now. “It’s going to ruin your life.”
“You’re-- what?”
Wilhelm leaned forward and curled his head into his lap, covering it with his hands. This was it, this was where it all went to shit. This was where the real world came rushing in and spoiled everything. His pulse was in his ears.
“I’m sorry, I should’ve-- God, I’m sorry, I should’ve talked to you about this before. As much as I wish I could be just a guy who posts pictures of his boyfriend and vice versa, I’m… not. I’m a prince, I’m… a very public figure. The whole reason I ended up here was because a moment that should’ve just been a small incident at an underground club ended up on the fucking national news. If you-- no matter our relationship, whether it was as friends or a couple, if you posted a picture of me or us together, you have no idea what kind of shit your life would become. The kind of attention you would get immediately, your face on gossip mags, thousands of people flooding your insta… It’s not as simple as just posting a picture or a video.”
He was on the verge of tears, but he wasn’t sure if they were out of sadness or sheer frustration. Simon was frowning slightly, but he didn’t appear to be angry, exactly, just concentrated, considering.
“So, we’re going to talk about the fact that you just called me your boyfriend in a second, but… I think I get what you’re saying. I guess, here at Hillerska, it’s kind of easier to ignore stuff like that, because you mostly just… act normal. It’s easy to forget you’re not.”
“I’m sorry,” Wilhelm repeated miserably.
“I mean, it’s very much not your fault,” Simon said reasonably. Wilhelm was shocked at how calm he seemed. “You were literally born into this. I just-- I guess I just never thought about it before. I honestly didn’t think when I posted that story of you at Rosh’s game, it was just… one of the highlights of my night, and I posted it. I didn’t-- I have to admit, I might actually be glad I deleted it pretty quickly, then, if you think just posting a picture of you would have thousands flooding my insta. That’s… I don’t want that.”
Wilhelm nodded. He had known what was coming, although he had hoped to hold it off a bit longer. The I don’t want that, I don’t want to be with you conversation.
“I get it. We can-- it’s okay. No hard feelings.” He kept nodding.
“Wait, what?” Simon sounded confused. “No hard feelings about what?”
“About… ending this. I get it.”
“Wille, I’m not breaking up with you,” Simon said, sounding bemused. Wilhelm looked up at him, something like hope beating in his chest, unfamiliar.
“You’re not?”
“How did you even come to that? We’re just talking about posting a picture.”
“Yeah, but… it’s not just the picture, though, it’s being with me, in any way. You’re not-- I can’t expect you to give up your privacy and personal life like that.”
“Okay, take a breath. Relax. Let’s not spiral wildly or make this conversation something it isn’t. I’d say we’re in a pretty safe space, here, and as far as the rest of the world, I can just… not post pictures of you, for now. It’s not that complicated. I don’t actually need to document every aspect of my life online.”
Wilhelm stared at him, uncomprehending. He couldn’t possibly imagine it would be this easy, that Simon would take this as casually. Simon clearly saw the disbelief in his eyes, the desperation for anything to be as simple as that, because he finally reached forward and cupped Wilhelm’s face in his hands.
“Hey,” he said softly. “It’s okay. We’re in this together.”
At that, Wilhelm was helpless to do anything but kiss him, and kiss him, and never stop.