Archive of Our Own

Warnings: underage drinking, mild cursing

It’s a not-so-fine Saturday morning, and you wake up for breakfast only to see your mother not present at the dining table despite all the food that had been prepared. Realizing that there was something missing, you head to the fridge to get some milk, but there was none.

“Mom, we ran out-“ You stop talking when you see who your mother was sharing a conversation with. None other than Soobin’s father who was on the other side of the fence.

“Well, would you look at that! Hey y/n, I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Been busy. School.”  You awkwardly let out a faint laugh and turn your back, retracting the thought of telling your mom about the milk shortage. Who knows who might come out of that house this time. Too late, though.

“Dad, can you crank the hose for-“ Soobin had entered the area of “danger,” it’s like stepping on a landmine. You’ll see. The moment he sees you, he fakes a cough and turns on the hose himself, trying his very best to avoid eye contact with any of the people that were present there right now.

“Oh, would you look at these two. Come on, you guys used to be so close! Remember when you would be here in the yard with the kiddie pool and you just-“ You cut off your mother’s ramble.

“Mom,” you whine.

“No really what happened with the both of you?” Soobin’s dad asks with hopeful eyes.

“High school happened.” Soobin rolls his eyes and it infuriates you. What exactly is with high school?

“Don’t get me started with you always causing trouble!” you yell, your fists all tight.

“Why do you care!” He yells back.

“Enough you two! Y/n, inside right now!”

You stomp your way back towards the house obeying your mother as Soobin was also scolded by his dad by the way he had acted.

“Goodness, I’m so sorry. I’ll go talk to Soobin about this. I hope y/n is okay. She’s a brilliant girl.” Soobin’s father apologizes.

“Don’t worry about it. They’re young. I’ll go talk to her too. Sorry about that, anyway I’ll catch up with you another time.”

It was always like this ever since you and Soobin had become distant with each other. Every time the universe tries to tie you both back together, you pull apart. Like oil and water. 

---

“Care to tell me what that was about?” Soobin’s father sternly says as his son washes their car with a frown.

“It’s nothing dad. She’s just trying to find something to hold against me.”

“So you’re calling y/n a liar now?”

“No, it’s just- it’s whatever okay? Let it go.”

“If I find out that you really are causing trouble in school I’m going to straighten you out.” His father walks away with the same frown Soobin had, only with a few extra wrinkles on his forehead.

Soobin shakes his head and sighs. He tries to recall where it all went south for your friendship. When you guys entered high school, your interests became different and both got sucked into a different type of crowd, causing the both of you to spend more time away from each other to not spending time together at all.

He couldn’t even blame you for acting the way you did, because he knows that he had been pretty messed up the past few years, he kind of lost his way. He always felt your absence but always tried to cover up with something temporary. 

—

You were a very participative member of the student body, in the past years, you had scored different positions in the student council office. This year, you finally qualified to run for student council president. 

You liked to serve others and make their experience in school memorable. Though you're quite strict about following the school’s rules, there was always a way to make it easier for the people to follow. 

“Busy with the campaign I see” your favorite boy, Mark Lee sneaks behind you while you stick flyers on the bulletin board, catching you off guard. 

“Mark,” you blush and turn around to face him. “Yeah pretty much. Do you think they’re nice? Not too tacky?” 

Mark puts two fingers under his chin, pretending to think. “They’re alright.” he jokes. And you pout. “I’m kidding. They’re great!” then smiles.

“If you’re just gonna stand there and look like that I don’t think it’s gonna help me win, Mark. Help me out here!” You say, and hand him a bunch of flyers. 

“Right.. Right on it, Ms. President” He winks. 

“Don’t Jinx it.”

You continued to walk around the school and hand out the flyers, not really paying much attention to who you hand them out to. 

“Hope you can vote for-” you look up to see who had just gotten the flyer. “Me.” You roll her eyes. Of course it had to be him. 

Soobin silently receives the flyer and tries to speak. “Sorry about the other day…”

“I didn’t know that you knew how to say sorry. Forget it. Don’t vote for me.” You snatch the flyer from him and walk away. 

Soobin was tall, everyone knew that. In fact he’s one of the tallest in school but no one can ever make him feel smaller than you did. And it’s not even your fault. 

"Over here!" a girl's voice called from a few metres away. It was Arin, his girlfriend. 

Soobin immediately changes his expression to a bright one and heads over to Arin, who was waiting for him at the table with food. 

"Hey," He bends over and kisses her hair. 

"What happened? Was she messing with you?"

"No no, it's nothing, it's just her whole campaign thing." He shrugs. 

"Ugh, that girl really thinks she can win again. I won't vote for her, especially when she's being mean to you." 

"Arin, leave it okay? It's nothing, don't take it personally, y/n is a good leader." 

"If you like her so much then go be with her." she whispers under her breath. 

Soobin's jaw clenches. "What did you say?" 

"Nothing. Eat."

---

“So student council election results are coming up AND homecoming, are you ready?” Your best friend, Ryujin asks.

“As I’ll ever be.” you say taking a deep breath. “But what if I don’t win, Jinnie? What should I do? It’s all I’ve ever wanted.” your voice filled with worry. Most people were intimidated by the student council and working in that office. But you were more afraid of what was out there. You had never given much time for yourself to enjoy other things to the fullest because you thought that it was selfish of you to do so. 

“You’ll win okay? I don’t see anyone else fit for the position. C’mon, let’s go see the basketball team’s practice, that way maybe we can also score dates for the dance.” She giggles.

You tried to ease your worries and let out a small laugh as you linked arms with your best friend on the way to the gym.

You enter the gymnasium, wincing at the sound of squeaky sneakers and bouncing balls. The both of you take a seat on the bleachers to get a good view of the team.

“How can someone literally look so perfect even when they’re all.. sweaty and icky from running around?” Your chin meets the palm of your hand as you stare into the distance, your eyes eventually fixed on none-other than Mark Lee, quite a stunner he is.

Just when you thought your cheeks could not get any warmer, he looks over you and winks before he shoots from the three-point line. He makes it. Your cheeks swell and butterflies rush to your stomach. Her favorite boy.

Ryujin, with a sour expression on the side, quickly shifts before you even see. “He’s totally into you” she tries to say with at least a percentage of sincerity. 

“Ya think? He’ll probably like to be with me if I win student council president.” You can’t help but smile.

‘Yeah… he will,” Ryujin says in a tone. But you were too caught up with Mark’s charms to even notice.

Before you even knew, he had already come up to you. Nothing like your favorite boy up close. After shooting hoops. Sweaty. Hair brushed off his forehead. Labored breathing. 

“Having fun? My game has been off today.” He scratches the back of his head.

“Off? You were great as always.” You gushed. “Here, I brought something for you.” and hand him his favorite sports drink. 

“Aw thanks y/n you’re the best!” Mark says, taking a sip.

Ryujin rolls her eyes. “You’re the best” she quietly mimics. “Sorry to ruin your moment but we have to go, we’re gonna be late for class.” Before Mark could even respond, Ryujin grabs you by the arm heading towards the exit of the gymnasium.

Taken aback by her behavior, you wanted to ask what was wrong and why she’s suddenly all pissy but keep it to yourself. Ryujin has her days.

——

You were out on your own during the afternoon at the nearby neighborhood cafe and someone just happened to notice your lack of company. 

“Is this seat taken?” Your favorite boy tugs the chair away from the table.

“It was supposed to.” You chuckle. "Hi Mark."

“Oh? Who were you waiting for?”

“My dad, but y’know he’s never on time. Wanna finish this plate of fries with me?” 

“I see,” he takes one from the plate. “I’m on to the shoe store right now to pick something up, do you wanna come with me?” He asks with hopeful eyes.

Oh my god. You must’ve thought you were crazy right now. But heck, bad timing is a real thing isn’t it?

“Oh man, Mark I can’t today. I can’t really ditch my dad you know?” You say in deep disappointment. The one time Mark asks you out, you couldn’t even be with him out of all the days. 

“Oh alright. It’s cool y/n, thanks for the fries. I’ll see you at the game tonight.” he shows a disheartened smile and walks out of the cafe. 

Right. There was a game tonight. You would make it up to him, you always did even if you didn't know if it matters to him if you showed up or not. 

----

“Go Ravens Go!” The crowd cheers with their school leading by 6 points in the last quarter. Mark locks with your eyes as he sees you in the crowd during timeout and you do the same. Maybe it did matter that you showed up. 

You see Mark whispering to another guy from school who wasn’t from the team and after a few seconds, the “designated Dave” had been sent towards your direction.

You were hoping to be the one being tapped on the shoulder but it was Ryujin who he had asked for. How come?

“Taehyun, are you sure you have the right person?” Ryujin says, also surprised to be called for. 

“Yeah, you are Ryujin right? That’s what Mark said…” He trails off

“I am, but what do you want?”

“Just come with me for a sec” Taehyun covers his ears from the noisy crowd.

You feel uneasy, what if all this time Mark just used you to get closer to Ryujin? But that didn’t make sense because your best friend would tell you if the guy you liked was trying to hit on her right? 

She’s back. 

“What was that about?” You ask Ryujin, trying to act as if it didn’t bother you.

“Relax. He’s all yours. He asked if you were free to come to the dance!” She nudges your shoulder.

You let out a laugh, “But why can’t he do it himself? Tell his little designated dave over there that he has to ask me out himself.” You challenge. Was this why Mark wanted to take you with him to the shoe store a while ago? You feel very stupid right now. 

“Why do you have to make it difficult for him?" 

"What's so difficult about having courage? He talks to me all the time but when it comes to something I really want to hear, he can't tell me?" 

"Just saying, y/n. You don't get asked these very often." Ryujin shrugs

----

“It’s time.” you mutter to yourself in class, listening to the announcement of elected Student Council members through the PA system.

“And for the student council president…  Lee Chaeryeong! Congratulations. Please present yourselves in the student council room after you are dismissed from your classes. We are proud to welcome our newly elected students. Please look forward to a fruitful school year with all of you.”

Your heart drops. You were never prepared to lose, even if you tried. You fall back on your seat as everyone celebrates Chaeryeong’s win. The silence in your empty heart was more deafening than the noise that surrounded you.

“You did well, Y/n.” Mark pats you in the back. But despite his presence, it couldn’t even change the disappointment you felt. 

You leave the class and head to meet your best friend. 

“I’m so sorry y/n.” Ryujin gives you a hug.

“It’s fine. You know crap happens. Let’s go home. Do you wanna hang out?"

“Actually, they have a party for everyone later this evening. But I think it's better… if you don't go?" Ryujin hung back with her words.

“But why? You did say it's for everyone. Doesn’t mean I lost, I have to act like a loser." 

“Aw c'mon it isn’t like that! I'm just looking out for you, you know.”

“Yeah you're right I guess. Thanks, Jinnie. I'll be at home."

"You'll be fine, okay? Take care."

She heads home and so do you. Not until Mark catches up to you, causing you to stumble upon your tracks.

"Hey, c'mon cheer up! At the very least you'll have more time to do other things rather than just sit in the office... planning for everyone" He makes it sound so unlikable.

"Yeah? like what other things?" You were hoping for him to pop the question. But only end up being disappointed. 

"Dunno, having fun with me-” He hesitates, “I mean having fun at the party later!" 

“Ah, about that,” you purse your lips. “I’m not going, Mark. I think I'll do a raincheck. Have fun though okay?” 

“That’s too bad. Feel better, y/n.”

“Thanks.”

The timing was off again. Your heart races just a little. You think to yourself if he’s really into you or is he just playing around as he had always done ever since you were in freshman year? Is it because you didn't win as student council president? Right. Who wants to be seen with a loser anyway? Was it really that hard for him to ask you to the dance? You have liked Mark since then but you don't really know where it’s headed with him. But he made you smile, it was more than enough, for now. 

--- 

It’s been two hours and you had done nothing but sulk in your bedroom, while everyone was having fun in that so-called afterparty that they were having.

"Maybe I should go,” you think to yourself. You really don't have a reputation to keep anymore, right? How far can being a good girl get you when people have stopped paying attention already? Losing the elections made them turn a blind eye to you. Maybe this is one of the "other things" that you can do that Mark has been talking about. 

You get out of bed and put on some decent clothes. Too decent. But like what you said, you're not great at these kinds of things. But now is finally the time to show them that the good girl can have fun too. You leave a note to your mother that you will be out for the evening with Ryujin.

You arrive at a venue which was a music room bar that had been rented out by one of the elected students from the council. You wonder how they managed to enter this place when there was barely anyone of legal age present.

"Name." The bouncer asks. Shoot. 

"Um, I- uh" 

"I got her." Mark slings his arm around you and walks you inside. "That's a surprise. I thought you said you weren't coming." 

"Well, you said that this was an opportunity for me to do "other things", right?" you say, trying to be as cool as possible. But you were already feeling uneasy about the new environment.

Mark furrows his brows, then smiles. "Alright, atta girl! I'd be honored to mix your first drink of the night. It is your first, right?"

You chuckle, "Yeah it is." 

"Great. What can I get started for you?" He's speaking like a Starbucks barista, silly. 

"Um, a triple mocha frappuccino?" you cackle. "A vodka with cranberry juice is fine." 

"On it" he hands it over with a cheeky smile. 

"Thanks Mark. You don't have to stay here.. with me I mean-” You awkwardly look around, like you had the night planned for yourself. But really you were only waiting for him to ask you about the dance. You were too shy to bring it up to him because it would seem like you were being desperate.

"Oh yeah I was just about to go to my friends if you don't mind," Mark says.

"Yeah yeah no it's fine. I'll find my way around here." but you kind of wished he had asked you to join him.

You try to blend in with the crowd and look for Ryujin. There she was with the jocks which was funny, because you weren't aware that she was close enough with them to hang out. But it’s a party after all. 

"Jin-ah," you tap her shoulder. 

"Oh? Y/n? I thought you weren't going to come…" she says like she had been interrupted by something. Not even happy to see her friend, who just lost the elections by the way.

"Yeah, I changed my mind. No one would care about me being here anyway so I'll enjoy myself like no one's watching!" you force a smile.

"I told you not to come though, right?” Ryujin crosses her arms. 

“Why are you so upset about it Jinnie? It’s a party! Am I not allowed here?” 

Ryujin’s expression changes. “It’s not that.. Whatever. do what you want, Y/n.”

"I didn't know you were close to them, don't worry I'll find my way here on my own… Have fun Jinnie" You walk away, sometimes you feel like Ryujin’s just using you when it’s convenient. It’s been getting really tiring trying to deal with how she treats you.

You had never felt so unwanted. First, you couldn't get the student body to vote enough for you to win. Second, your best friend doesn't even want you around. Even if you wish shouldn’t have come like what you've been told, that’s not the case anymore. Because now you have a third reason. 

Not even a few minutes have passed but Chaeryeong and Mark are now making out and trying to eat each other’s faces off. It did matter if she won the election. You wished you knew better than this. What is it with this night? Do they think that you were just completely invisible? When did people ever care if you got hurt?

“I do.” Soobin says. 

“What?” you say, tears forming.

“I care.” 

You didn’t know you said those out loud and now you just want to be eaten by the floor. 

“No you don’t. Where’s your girlfriend?” 

“We broke.. Up” Soobin looks down to his feet. 

“Well sucks to be us right? Whatever.” You storm off and go elsewhere.

One drink turned into three, four, and more than you could even remember because now you were being pulled off a tabletop by Ryujin who's clearly very embarrassed by the behavior that you were showing. 

"Y/n get a grip what are you doing!" 

"Why? Was I not a good dancer? Look guys, the good girl goes wild!" you slur out, losing your balance. You might've said that one a little too loudly because now all eyes are on the both of you.

"Enough, let's get you home." Ryujin slings your arm over her shoulders and carries you out while you could barely walk. 

"No! one more!" You say with a finger up in the air begging for another drink.

"Soobin!" Ryujin yells out. 

"Oh my god what happened to her?" 

"Long story! I don't know, but can you please help me get her home? You're neighbors right?" Ryujin says trying her best to keep you standing.

“Yeah we are but-”

“Take her home please!”

“But she wouldn’t like that-”

“Is that what matters now? I don’t care!”

“But you did this to her! You knew she was upset and yet you let her drink so much!” Soobin blurts out by accident because he knew what had happened. 

Ryujin lets go of you and leaves you almost falling to the floor. She was tired of getting blamed. "God. You really are best friends." 

Soobin catches you in his arms and asks if you're able to walk but instead you stumble in response. Guess not. So he slings you over his shoulders instead.

You start weakly hitting his back. "Put me down! I don't wanna be with you!" you yell, drunk as hell. 

"Well, you have no choice now do you?" He sarcastically says, your punches don't hurt one bit. They were too weak.

"I don't wanna be with you!" You yell once again and it annoys the hell out of him that he thought that maybe it was a bad idea to be the one to bring you home. But there was no way he wouldn't. He saw how much you went through tonight and couldn’t even protect you from the madness of it all. He was so mad at everyone who made you feel like this but most importantly he’s mad at himself because he let them.

Soobin brings you over to his friend's car who wasn't under any influence and sits with you at the back seat. Just when he thought his patience could not extend any longer, you throw up on his pants. 

"Oh my god" Soobin clenches his jaw.

"I told you I don't wanna be with you!" you laugh, having no control of your emotions—of everything, actually. 

"Well I don't either! Now keep yourself together until we get home. If you don't want your mom to ground you for life. Why are you doing this anyway? This isn't you"

"How do you know that?" You poke his chest hard with your finger. "You haven't even been with me since sophomore year remember?" 

"Can we not do this here?"

"You asked for it" you roll her eyes and fall back on your seat.

“Man, my car stinks!” the person behind the wheel says.

“Tell her that.” Soobin gags at the thought that your vomit is still on his pants.

"Well sorry, uh what's your name again?" you ask.

"Yeonjun."

"Right, Yeonjun. Superman over here thinks he could save the day!" 

Yeonjun only shakes his head and continues to drive before it gets too late. The rest of the ride was silent, yet so loud. You two have never been alone like this in ages. You barely remember how his presence felt. But he never forgot. You just wanted this night to end. 

"We're here" Soobin shakes you awake. You didn't realize that you had fallen asleep during the ride. 

"I'm dizzy." you say, so he helps you stand while your arm is over his shoulders. 

"We can't pass through the front door. Your mom is here already." He knew his way around your house, only because he used to be in it all the time back then. 

He led the both of you to the back door, he knew where you kept the spare keys, by the house plant near the door. "Thanks, Soobin. I'll take it from here." 

That's a first, he thought he would never hear anything nice from you. "Alright. I'll see you around, I guess." 

"Yep." 

Soobin heads back home, shoulders sulking and hands in his pocket. You wished for him to look back to have a last glance at him. He did. When was the last time he was here? His eyes were glazed but not as much as yours, his cheeks were flushed, hair sticking on his forehead. Must’ve been because of all the lifting he had to do which makes you kinda embarrassed. How did it come to this? How did you become such strangers to each other?

As you carefully head back to your room trying to avoid making any noise, you take a peek from outside your window, which was the direct opposite of Soobin’s. 

He was there, on his bed and he hasn’t changed his clothes either. You get your landline and dial his number. You're able to see him get out of bed and put the phone next to his ear. 

“Hello?”

“Hi.”

“Y/n why are you calling here? What do you want?”

“Because you haven't changed your pants. Gross." you joke. "I don’t know your phone number anymore. This is the only number I could remember."

"I was about to! And how old fashioned." He chuckles. 

"So, rough night huh?" 

"Ya think?" 

Both of you were now looking at each other through your windows. Like this was one of those Taylor Swift music videos. 

"Got any dates- uhm I mean plans for homecoming?" you ask. 

"No actually, It's not my thing." He scratches the back of his head. 

"Come with me."

"Is that supposed to be a request? You're drunk y/n."

"No, it's a command. And I'm desperate.Think about it, we can get payback."

"You mean you get payback. What's in it for me?" 

"Well you have Arin right?"

Right because you were the exact reason why Arin broke up with me. Soobin thinks.

“What do you say?"

"I-" 

"Sleep on it and let me know tomorrow. My head hurts." Without even saying goodbye, you drop the call and leave Soobin in awe. You were just as surprised at what you had said as he was. Not even being sure about what you really meant. 

---

"This room hasn't changed," Soobin says, walking around with his arms crossed. 

"Wha- What are you doing here!" You jump out of bed, covering yourself with a blanket because you were still in your sleeping clothes. 

"I've decided." 

"On what? How'd you get in here anyway?"

"Your mom let me. She was thrilled by the way. And I've decided that fine, I'll go with your... scheme or whatever you call it." He sits on the side of your bed. "Is that Duri?" he reaches for the small stuffed toy beside you. You've had this since you were kids.

"Give it back!" you snatch it back from him. "And.. yeah that. Good. Then we start by going to school together, on Monday." 

"Can't we catch up on each other this weekend? I'd like to get to know who I'm "dating" . Thank you very much." 

You shake your head. "Fine. Can you leave now? I'm not even dressed!"

"Oh you aren't? I wanna see!" he jokes. 

"I hate you!" You throw him one of your pillows but he continues to laugh. You can't remember the last time you heard him laugh or see him smile like that. 

"Okay okay" He raises both of his hands on his chest trying to contain himself. "I'll catch you later, babe" he winks and heads to the door.

"Gross!" 

All Soobin did was laugh off your behavior. He loved to tease you when you were kids, and you still react the same way. Some things never change. 

Just like his feelings for you. Was he waiting on the universe to bring you back together? Yes. But did he want it in this way? No. How can he be a fake boyfriend if his feelings were real? But you despise him now, there was no way his happily ever after would come. 

Some people might wonder, why does Soobin like you the way he does? You're polar opposites, you two didn't look like you got along in any way. Well to Soobin, you were his twin flame, you were yin and yang. Peanut butter and jelly. Not until he ruined it for you. 

Soobin was— let's say the more adventurous type and you were the safe goody two shoes. Multiple times Soobin had been too adventurous and started pulling pranks in school, his pranks with his friends got worse until they started causing trouble amongst themselves and the student body. You kept telling him that it was enough yet he didn't listen. You started to be embarrassed to be seen with him and to be associated with someone who got comfortable causing discomfort to others. So you broke away from him. 

Few years passed and Soobin had already tried to let go of his troublemaker self by showing that he's a good student now, but you had never seemed to notice. You've completely lost interest in his life, in him. So maybe, this whole fake boyfriend thing will give Soobin his redemption. Or so he thought. 

-----

"First, don't you dare fall in love with me."

"Got that." He tries to get a pen and paper from her desk.

"What are you doing?" You furrowed your brows. "I'm not joking Soobin."

"So am I. I'm just writing it down so I don't forget. Duh." He actually jots down what you say.

"See this is why I can't stand you. You can't ever be fucking serious for once." you purse your lips in a tight line, clearly very aggravated already. Soobin finally takes the hint and stops. 

"Thank you. Next, don't hold my hand or kiss me until I do it first, or until I say so." 

"Y/n, if you do it like this people won't exactly buy it…" 

"Oh right, you had a girlfriend… I actually have no idea how dating works." You collapse on your bed. To think of it you have actually never dated anyone before. Dating Mark in your head doesn't count. "I was too caught up in school, student council… Keeping you away from trouble which clearly didn't happen." 

"Too busy falling for someone like Mark Lee." he scoffs. "Well just let me do it the way that I know how to do it okay?"

"You don't have to rub it on my face." you roll your eyes. “Whatever."

Suddenly, Soobin feels bad about his remark. He knew how much Mark hurt your feelings which caused you to be the mess that you were yesterday. Why is he acting like this? He’s tired of messing up things because of his mouth that he can’t keep shut about useless things. He’s tired of himself. 

You and Soobin head to the mall because you figured that shopping could be one of the things he had to do with you to get closer. Of course, this would mean walking around the mall until his legs are numb and trying to approve your outfits. 

“Should I get this?” You get out of the dressing room for the nth time wearing a dress that hangs above your knees with small floral prints on it. Soobin looks up from his phone, you look beautiful.

“It’s nice.” He gave a small smile that showed his dimples. 

“Hm, not nice enough I guess,” hands on your hips with a pout. 

“What? I said it was nice!” Soobin argued, he was still hesitating to tell you full out on what he thinks of it. But goes on anyway. “It’s perfect. Please, go buy it.” 

“You’re saying that because you’re tired of following me around. But alright.” You head back to the dressing room to change and ring the dress to the cashier. 

“I’ll pay,” Soobin offers the money as he saw the total amount. 

“Huh?” You look at him in awe.

“Why? Can’t I spoil my girlfriend from time to time?” He grins. You almost forgot that this was supposed to be a date for the both of you. Guess you haven't fully immersed yourself in the whole situation yet. Even if you were the one who thought of it first. It was too awkward for you to be around Soobin like this again, especially when he grew almost a foot taller than the last time you were together. 

“Thanks.” was all you could say. 

“Don’t worry about it. I wanna see you wear it soon.” 

“I will.” you finally muster up a smile.

How could Soobin make this easier for you? This won’t work the way you want it to be if you're too stingy. He thought of ways on how to try to make you comfortable like listening to you when you're talking about anything, and being a gentleman. He thought of how you can trust him again because that’s the thing you lost for him a long time ago. 

The both of you went around the mall some more, Soobin’s hands were still in his pocket. He wanted to hold yours so bad. But there was no one to impress here, it was useless trying to put up an act. 

“Oh my god” You whisper to yourself.

Before he could say anything, you lace your arm around Soobin’s and he felt as stiff as a rock because he was taken back by your gesture. Apparently, Mark was at the shoe store that you happened to pass by, you did it just in case he ever looks your way. 

“Let’s go back! Pretend to look for some shoes,” She says, your eyes desperate. Really wanting to prove something to Mark. 

“Y/n you know that’s not my thing,” He looks down on his worn-out Converse. 

“C’mon Soobin please,” you pout. “For me? You need a new pair of shoes anyway. C’mon I’ll buy them for you. Since you got me the dress. Okay?"

“You don’t have to-”and you're already walking towards the store. 

You and Soobin enter and pretend that you don't see Mark anywhere. You brought Soobin to the section that you thought would suit him the most. Casual sneakers since he doesn't play sports. 

"Can you try this on?" You grab a shoe from the display and hand it over to Soobin. He hesitates, but he couldn't resist the way you were looking at him. So he took it and put it on. 

"It's a little small," he says, trying to stand on it. 

"Oh right, giants have big feet. Silly me." you chuckle, "What's your size?" 

He bursts out laughing "Which one? My foot or my-" 

"Nevermind! Oh my god." You hit him playfully. "Can we get a size for him please?" You ask the salesman. 

The salesman eyes Soobin's foot and thinks that he's a size 11.5 so he was off to get that one in the stock room. 

"Wow y/n, I didn't know you were Soobin's sugar mama." Mark sneaks up behind you and Soobin stands from his seat. Soobin has always had a bad feeling about Mark, especially with how upset he made you during the party. Mark also had always liked to pick on him ever since 7th grade.

"Back off, Mark," Soobin says. You hold him back

"Soobin-" You plead.

"Can't even buy shoes for yourself?" Mark snickers. 

"I'm getting it for him because he bought me all of these." You say, lifting up the shopping bags to Mark's face even if Soobin only bought the dress out of everything you were holding. He shouldn't be embarrassed by someone like that. 

"Right. Keep it up you two, really." He backs up defensively. 

"I wouldn't say that if I were you, keep it down, Mark." You look over his crotch and turn around to hold your partner's hand. "Let's go, Soobin." 

----

"You're sick" Soobin laughs in disbelief. "Didn't know you had that in you." 

"He deserves it." You shrug with a lopsided smile. "Anyway, do you like the shoes? Do they fit well?" 

"They're awesome. Thank you y/n, you know I'll wear these for a long time." This really meant a lot to him because he isn't used to receiving gifts. 

You two head off to eat somewhere and they end up at the place where your parents used to take you all the time. They still had the best-fried chicken according to them. 

"Shopping makes you hungry doesn't it?" You say, clearly enjoying the food more than expected. 

Soobin couldn't help but smile. "You'd be starving."

"Taste this one!" You excitedly hold up the chopsticks, Soobin thought of grabbing the food on his own but instead, you positioned the chopsticks in front of his mouth, which means he was to take a bite from there. Again, Soobin hesitates but does it anyway. "Good right?" You say with hopeful eyes. 

"The best." He smiles and feels all warm. But he's already letting his feelings get ahead of him when he knows so well that you don't want anything to do with him after this deal. This was a game. But would it hurt to play along as much as he could? This was the closest thing he could experience. It's okay to be selfish sometimes. He tells himself. 

"You're a messy eater," Soobin says, wiping off the sauce that had scattered on the sides of your lips and you flinched a little. But let him anyway. He couldn't help but wonder, when will he get to kiss them? But shakes away that thought. It was too early. 

----

"Thanks for today loser," It’s been so long since you called him that. "I had fun. Really." You smile. 

"You're welcome." he bites his lip and looks over his shoes, awkwardly grazing the pavement with his foot. But his eyes widened because he had felt a pair of lips on his cheek. You kissed them. 

"Monday okay?" You step back but leave your hand placed very lightly on his chest. Before Soobin had a chance to say anything, you were already headed to the front door. 

Soobin stands there in awe and puts a hand against his cheek which was now very warm. And let out a sigh. This wasn't going to be easy. 

As Soobin walks toward his house he is surprised by his own father, who was apparently watching the both of you through the window. 

"So is this why you were pretending to hate each other?" Soobin's father says, shaking his head. 

"No dad it's-" It would be more disappointing for him to know the truth so instead he says "Okay you're right. We just thought it would be awkward if we openly dated and both of our parents saw you know? See? just like now, you'd talk about it nonstop." 

His father didn't know about Arin, Soobin was very careful of who he let's his family meet. At the very least they knew how brilliant you were from the start. They just weren't sure if Soobin was the perfect fit for you. Not that he wasn't brilliant himself but… no it actually is that he wasn't as brilliant as they wanted him to be. But he was kind. Behind all the stupid pranks, he was kind. 

--------

You wake up getting ready for school and for the first time that you really get this show on the road with Soobin. You fix  your hair up nicely like you always do and put on light makeup since that was the only thing allowed in school. 

You hear a knock on your door and it was Soobin, with his hair up which was very unusual because he always wore it down. 

"Who are you?" You let out a laugh of disbelief. Soobin feels shy. 

"Did I go overboard?" he hisses through his teeth. "I'll go back and change it then."

"No, stupid. You look great. It's just a new look to me that's all. Let's go" You smile. Your mom looks at the both of you with a delighted smile, she had saved her thoughts for later though. 

"We're taking my car." He says as the both of them walk towards it. He opens the door for you and you mouth a small 'thanks' and settle right in. 

Before you could remember to do it yourself, Soobin had reached across you to put your seatbelt on. And stops halfway. "You smell nice." He whispers before clicking them together. 

You smile while feeling a little tense on your seat, you eye how Soobin's hand looks so good on the wheel, but even better if it was holding yours. You gently tap his arm and he gives a small hum in response. 

"Hand." You say, Soobin looking confused. "Give me your hand." You repeat, clearly this time. 

Soobin nods and places his left hand on the steering wheel before giving it to you. His hand was cold, must've been because of how nervous he was today. He tries to act relaxed in the best way that he could, but you still catch up with his nervousness. 

"I thought you were better at this than me," you say, rubbing a thumb against his hand. 

"I just didn't expect you to do this, that's all." He clears his throat and focuses on the road. 

"Well you're gonna have to get used to it." You say. The rest of the car ride was silent with faint sounds from the local radio station. 

The both of you arrive at school staying inside the car for a moment for a little briefing between you. "So here's the plan, do what you want. What you think you should do to make it convincing for them and I'll do my best to play along okay?" You tell Soobin, looking him in the eye. 

"Alright." He nods. "Ready?" 

"As I'll ever be." 

He opens the car door and closes it for you, slipping his hands around your waist and pulls you closer. You walked like this and immediately gained attention from the people around you. Soobin feels a rush of confidence over him, because for today, and the upcoming days, you were finally his. He also made a mental note to himself that he should remember not to expect anything when this all ends at homecoming, but it might be more difficult than expected. Always up for a good challenge. 

"Oh la la" Ryujin says, coming up to both of you. You were too drunk to remember that Ryujin had left you behind at the party while handing you to Soobin at that time, so you don't look at her in a negative light. 

Soobin looks at Ryujin with sharp eyes, but you don't notice.

"You can go now, baby" you breathe and Soobin's expression softens. That's the first time you called him that and he doesn't know if he could take more of it. 

Ryujin raises her eyebrows at him, as if she were mocking him. "I'll catch you at lunch." Soobin says and kisses your forehead. 

"What are you up to Princess," Ryujin smirks. 

"Don't call me that," you laugh. "it just.. happened. You know after the party, he took me home and that was kinda the first time I ever got to be with him again." You explain, fumbling with the books in your locker. 

"Your neighbor? Y/n really? That's the best you got?" 

"So what if he is Ryujin? He was my best friend." You don’t call her by her nickname. "Why are you so worked up about it?" 

Ryujin lets out a stiff laugh, "Nothing! It's just that with the whole Mark thing being over I just thought I'd prepare myself to comfort you. Guess I don't have to anymore." 

You shake your head. "Right. What happened during the rest of that night anyway?" 

"I actually didn't stay very long after handing you over to Soobin, so besides from Mark and Chaeryeong eating each other's faces, nothing much." She shrugs. "Here he comes." and points at Mark who was coming your way. 

"Jinnie, let's go." You tug your friend by the wrist and hear the faint voice of Mark calling your name, it's working. 

"Y/n," His back crouched, hands over your locker for him to lean on. 

"What do you want, Mark?" You say, totally loving how you have him wrapped around your fingers now. 

"Can we talk? Please?" He says. "Just us." 

Ryujin looks at you with wide eyes and gets the hint. She leaves you two alone. 

"What is it now Mark?" you ask, arms crossed. 

"Why can't we be friends again?"

"Friends again? After you were making out with Chaeryeong at that party? You didn't care about how I would feel. You knew I was there." You say, trying to keep your voice down, but you were so angry. 

"But why does that matter to you! We're friends, you're not supposed to get jealous about who I kiss!" 

"Because you couldn't even ask me to dance on your own!" You say, losing it. 

"Ask you what? I never.... Who told you that?" Confusion clear in his face.

He didn't plan on taking you to the dance? Then what did Taehyun say to Ryujin?

You couldn't respond to him anymore. Instead you walked out the hall and left him. You have never felt more embarrassed right now.

[During the basketball game]

 "Can I talk to Ryujin?" Taehyun says over the noisy crowd.

Ryujin follows him out to the back. 

"Do you think Y/n would get mad if Mark wanted to ask someone else to the dance?" Taehyun asks.

"Of course? She likes Mark so much. Why would he ask someone else?" Ryujin says, genuinely confused. 

"Because he wants to go with Chaeryeong." 

"That doesn't make any sense!" 

"That's why he let me go here to tell you to drive y/n away from the party tonight. He wouldn't want to hurt her feelings." 

After you walked out, Mark had come looking for Ryujin because he wanted to have a word with her as well. He discovered that he had his last period with her so he's going to take that opportunity to talk. 

"Ryujin," he says, trying to catch up to her because she hurriedly tried to leave the classroom. 

"What?" She says, fear in her eyes because she knew what she had done. 

"What did you tell y/n? Why is she so upset with me? I let Taehyun tell you to protect her feelings right?" 

"I did," She says, avoiding eye contact. "I told her that you couldn't ask her to the dance on your own. I didn't know that she would wait for you to actually do it. She didn't let it go!" Ryujin panics because Mark was fuming red right at this moment. 

His jaw is clenched and takes a deep breath. "What kind of friend are you?" 

"No, what kind of friend are you? " She points at his chest multiple times. "You knew how she felt about you and you kept leading her on. This is your fault." and she walks away. 

-------

Soobin heads over to his friend's lunch table, waiting for you to get out of class. 

"Well look at you," Beomgyu teases, probably about his fresh look. "Who are we- I mean you being pretty for?" 

"Y/n." 

His friend almost spat out his drink. 

"What? Since when? Didn't Yeonjun drive you guys home? He said you two bickered the entire time." Beomgyu said, munching on his chips.

Soobin ignores what his friend says because you were already approaching their table. Soobin kicks Beomgyu under the table, as if telling him to act normal and not ask any weird questions around you. 

"Hi baby," you peck Soobin on the cheek. "Hi Beomgyu" She smiles. 

Soobin already feels like burning up right now but he has to keep his cool. He didn't realize that it was much harder when there were people around, especially his friends. 

"Hey, y/n" Beomgyu gives her a small smile while the rest of their friends settle down at the table, surprised by your presence. 

"Uhm" Soobin starts, "I hope you guys don't mind if y/n joins us today" 

Yeonjun, looking the most surprised since he was the one to drive the both of you the other night. "Oh it's cool man, no worries." 

You nicely smile at them. They were the people you were never around much because they were the type of people to not be involved with much activities in school, they preferred to hang out on their own. 

The rest of the lunch went by and the both of you made sure that you didn't make his friends too uncomfortable, you realized that they were great people to be friends with. You hoped that even after all of this was over, you could still hang out with them. 

Soobin couldn't help but notice how uneasy you were, despite trying to get along with his friends. Which he is very thankful for, by the way. 

"Everything alright? You look…" He doesn't continue but you get the hint. 

"It's nothing" You say. It wasn't the time yet. The both of you just got started with this plan of yours, and you also had to do this for Soobin to prove something to Arin. It wouldn't be fair to dump this on him. And besides, you actually just started to enjoy his company. 

-----

"Binnie," you whine. That's the nickname you used to call him when you were young. 

"Yes?" He says fumbling with his homework on his desk, while you walk around his room trying to look for something interesting. And there it was. 

"Why do you still have this photo of us?" You teased, holding out the small picture of the both of you from when you were in 6th grade stuck in his pin board. Soobin immediately gets up from his desk and tries to snatch the picture from you.

"Give it!" he snarls but you run around playfully with the picture in your hand. Soobin tries to chase after you, and when there was nowhere left for you to run, your body ends up being backed up by his door, trapped with both of his arms on both of your sides.

"You haven't answered me," you smirk. "Why do you still have this?" 

"Give it" he says, incredibly close to you that you could feel his breath. A little more and your lips would actually touch.

"No." you insist. "Or else?" 

"Or else...this!" both of his hands fall to your sides and start to tickle you like crazy, you squeal and leave your guard down. Finally, the picture drops on the floor. Soobin picks it up and keeps it in one of the drawers in his desk.

---- 

Soobin had thought of kissing you, right then and there. But he was too scared to mess things up. He wasn't sure if it was something he should do when no one was around. He wouldn't take advantage of you like that because he valued you a lot. 

He wondered why you haven't brought up anything from the past much, besides his old nickname and the picture from his room. He wanted to apologize to you for everything, but it always seemed like you never wanted to talk about it. 

It's true though, you hated confrontation. It was better for you to move on without having to reevaluate things. You hated to be reminded of the past. But all Soobin wanted was for you to know that things will be better from now on, whether if it was for your friendship or everything else. 

Soobin: y/n are you free tonight? I was wondering if it was okay to take you to see some performers at a cafe tonight. 

He sends a text, leaving out that Arin was going to be there, because that used to be their type of date. But Soobin had always wanted to try bringing you there. He doesn't know if you'd like it, but it was worth a try. 

Y/n: Sure Binnie. pick me up at 7. :)

You reply and it instantly brings a big smile to his face. He wasn't even doing this for Arin, he was doing it for you. If he had to fake a relationship with you, at the very least he could make it feel like the realest thing in the universe for him, even just for a while. 

And it's sad, how Soobin had always settled. For anything. He settles with the way you treat him, he settles repressing his feelings for you and being with someone whom he doesn’t have genuine feelings for, he settles being beaten around the bush by people who don't know a damn thing about him. He was too kind—or scared. What would make him have the courage? 

Soobin takes a deep breath before knocking on your front door. Yes, he's knocking and not up in your room right away like usual. Your mom opens the door for him, pleased with his get-up. 

"Good evening, Auntie." He bows. 

"Soobin-ah! You're always so handsome, no? come right in." She says squishing his cheeks before she steps aside to let him in. "Are you taking Y/n out on a date again? You two have been spending a lot of time lately, I haven't got to ask her about it much, she avoids me before I do " Your mom says, a little disheartened. 

Soobin lowers his head and fidgets with his fingers. He doesn't know what to say. "I guess she's just shy about admitting it," he weakly smiles. "You know her." 

Your mom pinches her lips and nods, "That's true. But anyway, I love seeing you both together. I always knew you had something for her, the way you look at her… It's the way that I wanted her to be looked at." She smiles, Soobin was at a loss for words. Mothers really  knew best. "She's in her room." 

Soobin could only smile at her, but his heart was breaking only a little, because he knew that if he continued to pour his feelings out in this fake scenario, there was more heartbreak to come.

He climbs up the stairs and gently knocks. "Come in." You say, wearing the dress he had bought for you. He melts at how beautiful you looked. You always did. 

"Hey handsome," you smirk, eyeing him up and down. "Help me?" you say, holding up a gold necklace with a small daisy pendant. 

"You still like daisies?" He says, gently taking the piece of jewelry in his hands. He picked those for you all the time when you were kids.

"Very. You always picked them for me back then." You say like you read his mind. He stood behind you, sweeping your hair gently to the side, bringing shivers down your spine. He hovers his arms over your head to put the necklace on for you.

You both look at yourselves in that vanity mirror of yours, without saying a word but your minds were in different places. You were glad that he kept the silence along with you, because you didn't want to be reminded that this wasn't real. You didn't want to admit that it was game over, not for Soobin yet—at least. 

----

He opens the door for you and you go on inside, you had never been to this cafe despite always passing by it. The interior was of dark brown oakwood, full of artificial plants and fairy lights. The opaque material of the walls makes it dim and cozy. 

"It's nice," You smile with amusement, looking around while taking a seat on the chair that Soobin had pulled out for you. 

"I'm glad you like it." He smiles and hands you the menu that was placed on the side of the table. "Choose from any of these and I'll order them for you at the front." he says, you didn't deserve this treat. You knew you didn't.

"Soobin, are you sure it's okay…" You hesitate, scanning the prices of the items in the menu. You didn't like it when Soobin spent on you, out of all people.

He chuckles, "Y/n I know you don't really like it when I spend on you, but it's my treat. Really. Don't worry about it." He assures you. 

You nod and pick something simple like a Green Tea latte and some tomato based pasta. You told Soobin and he was off to tell the cashier your orders. 

Something catches your attention when the chimes of the entrance rang, it was Arin who had entered. A little disappointed by the fact that this was probably just his plan to make her jealous and not really take you out. But he had every right to, he was also part of getting something out of this deal. 

You lower your head, keeping your profile a little discreet. You didn't want her to notice you yet. You let your hair fall to the sides of your face to hide it. Soobin is back. 

"She's here you know," you say quietly, not sure what to do. 

Soobin purses his lips and sighs. "I'm sorry." But you didn't understand what he was apologizing for. "I thought she wasn't going to come…" he trails off. "Are you okay with it?" 

"Of course I am. Are we here to make her jealous?" 

No we aren't. we're here to have a good time. Soobin thinks but his mouth says differently. "Yes." 

You automatically pull your chair beside him, getting a better view of the platform where the set for the singer had been set. Your hand reaches for his that was placed on the table, intertwining them. "They're cold again." You say. 

Soobin could only faintly chuckle in response, it wasn't long until Arin met his eye. She wasn't alone. 

You on the other hand have been observing what was happening and you thought of something quickly. "Look at me," you whisper to him, making him flinch a little because of the sensation your voice sends to his body. "Smile."

And with that, you placed a tender kiss on his pouty lips. Soobin tried so hard not to show how surprised he was, but he couldn't help but show you that he's wanted this for so long. He places his hand lightly on your jaw and slides to your chin. He pulls away and bites his lip. 

You look over to Arin, whose eyes are on the both of you looking bewildered. Meanwhile Soobin is still trying to recover from the loss of your lips on his, his mouth agape. It wasn't long until he came back to his senses though. He swallows deeply and paces his breathing. 

You chaff, "You're okay with that right?" 

"Y-yeah" He nods, like a little kid. 

"Good." 

The number that Soobin had placed on the table started to buzz which meant that the order was ready. He excused himself to get them. 

Immediately after he did, you saw Arin rise up from her seat and you just knew where this was heading. You chuckle to yourself, at least this plan was working for him. 

"Hey," Arin breathes. Soobin jumped a little, almost dropping your food. 

"Arin-" He says, straightening himself. The girl laughs at the way he was acting. 

"Nice to see that I still make you nervous," she eyes him, head to toe. 

He shakes his head no. "What do you want? The food's getting cold." He says raising the tray. 

"Nothing, nice seeing you and y/n together. Though I feel like she's only doing this because she feels sorry for you." She says, twirling the ends of her hair. 

You notice how it's been taking Soobin a while, you see how Arin was already making him uncomfortable and you step in. 

"Binnie! Do you need help?" You say, innocently walking to them. 

Arin almost gagged at the nickname. "Binnie? Forget it. Have a nice night, both of you." She says and walks away. 

Soobin apologizes, embarrassed that he couldn't handle Arin himself. But you didn't mind, you didn't want the rest of this beautiful night to just entirely be a game to the both of you.

You thank Soobin for the dinner and for bringing you to the nice place, when you get in the car you realize that this night was about to end so soon. Until he read your mind. 

"Wanna go for a stroll? Only if your mom isn't looking for you yet" He smiles, tapping the steering wheel. 

"How did you know?" 

"How did I know what?" 

"That I didn't wanna go home yet." 

He didn't know that you felt the same, he actually only offered because he didn't want this night to end too. But instead he played it cool and said. "Just cause." And smiles. 

You searched his car for some CDs he might have, so you could play some music to kill the silence. 

"May I?" You say, holding up your favorite Mariah Carey album, The Emancipation of Mimi . 

"That's your favorite." He chuckles. He still remembers.

You excitedly put the cd in the player and skip to your favorite track, We Belong Together. 

I didn't mean it when I said 

I didn't love you so

I should have held on tight

I never should have have let you go

Before you knew it, Soobin was already singing with you. 

I didn't know nothing I was stupid

I was foolish, I was lying to myself. 

He sang those lines like it was meant for him to sing with his entire chest. And the both of you just sang your hearts out in the chorus.

When you left I lost a part of me

Is it so hard to believe

Come back baby please 'cause

We belong together

Both of you laugh at your silly enjoyment, until your eyes lock and he realizes that the lyrics was all that he wanted to say to you, but couldn't. You, on the other hand, was really only enjoying her favorite song. 

You grin at him, clueless. His eyes are soft and full of admiration for you. You were confident, elegant, and strong-willed. It was everything he admired about you. He quickly shakes away his thoughts and focuses on the road again. 

The both of you reminisce about your time together during your childhood for the rest of the ride, no bitterness in the topic. You were good at avoiding that because you didn't want to risk this night turning sour for the both of you. 

After driving around for like half an hour you finally arrive in front of your house. All smiles until the end. 

"Well, we're here." Soobin says, his smile slowly fading. He could not get the kiss out of his head even if he wanted to. He just wanted to be able to do it again. 

"That's too bad. I had fun tonight, Binnie." You smile, leaning back on the seat of his car like you were glued to it. Slowly, you undo your seatbelt and get ready to leave. 

"Me too." He says, getting ready to open the door for you. 

You slowly get out of the car and give him a hug. Your head perfectly fit on his chest and you could hear his rapid heartbeat.

"Thank you," You say, getting up on your tiptoes because this man was just too tall for your own good. 

Soobin swallows, absolutely frozen. Pull her closer, idiot. And he prayed he wouldn't regret this. His hand snook behind your waist and pressed his lips onto yours. 

Seems like his prayers have been answered quickly, because you were kissing back. Your lips moved like they were meant to melt into each other. This wasn't supposed to feel right. But it did. So right that you were afraid to keep going. 

You pull away, before things get out of hand. "Goodnight," you say, biting your lip and stepping away from his gentle grip on you. Before you could ruin this moment even more, you briskly walk to your house without looking back. 

----

You had acted like nothing happened the next day, you and Soobin had gone to school together, still. You thanked the heavens for him not bringing up the kiss because you couldn't handle that kind of confrontation. It wasn't supposed to mean anything, but it scared you so much because you knew it did—at least for him. 

"We have one last party to attend before homecoming," You say, looking out the car's window. As casually as possible.

"Sure. Don't go dancing on tables again though." he laughs, light heartedly. 

"Oh shut up." You try to keep yourself from laughing as well. It was too embarrassing to remember. 

You arrive at school and the same thing goes, put up an act and try to not falter. It was getting harder for you as well, you couldn't point fingers at Soobin because this wasn't his fault. You had a mind of your own. 

Soobin had walked you to your locker and just when he was about to leave, you grabbed his collar and pulled him closer to you. 

"Wha-" You cut him off with a kiss. His hand pressed onto your locker for support. While the other was on the small of your back.

You lightly push him away not too long after. He was red as a tomato. All eyes were on both of you. Including Mark's. 

"You can go now, baby." You say and bring your lips to his ear and whisper, "Mark was watching." You smirk.

But to be honest, it wasn't even about Mark anymore. You just wanted to do it. There was no reason to make Mark jealous anymore because he didn't want you that way. But you didn't want this game to end with you being a sore loser. You hadn't kept your mind off Soobin either, it was almost like you didn't want to give him back to Arin after this deal ends. 

You decided not to confront Ryujin about it and act like nothing happened. Negativity is such a waste of energy for you. You give your friend the benefit of the doubt, she probably had her reasons. 

----

The night of the party came and you couldn't believe it was almost time to end—whatever this was. You didn't know anymore. Neither did Soobin. He felt like losing his mind trying to think of the days he'll spend without you after these two last... dates. 

He knew he was too weak for this. He knew how this would end. But he's been calling himself a coward this whole time when he had the courage to keep going with this thing with you. A true coward would have backed away as soon as it happened. 

You, you were the courage he needed. But did he have enough to keep you from slipping away? That, he wasn't sure about. He had to be. 

You and Soobin arrive at the party together, seeing almost all the same faces from when you last got wasted. You shook your head at how silly it sounds to you now. 

After getting a drink you thought of going around the party on your own to leave Soobin to hang with his friends for a while, you knew that you had been stealing him from them the past week. 

Ryujin sneaks up behind you, sly as a fox. "So, Chaeryeong rejected Mark…" She trailed off. Did you care? 

"And?" you say, brows stitched together. 

"Means he's back in the market princess!" she exclaimed and you hated that nickname. 

You hiss under your breath. "Whatever." 

Ryujin raised her hands up in defeat and leaves you alone to head over to Soobin, who was still trying to figure out his drink. 

"It's fake, right?" Ryujin says, appearing beside him. Picking up salt and sliced lemons. She offers him one. But he declines.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He says sternly, focusing on making his drink. 

Ryujin lets out an obnoxiously fake laugh, "C'mon, you don't think I'd fall for it right? I heard you two. You were putting up a show for Mark." She says, inching closer but each time he stepped away. "Even a five-year-old wouldn't believe that it was true love." She says bitterly. 

"Make yourself believe what you want to, Ryujin." Soobin glares. 

"You're so silly," she smiles, wickedly. "Think about it, if Chaeryeong had finally rejected Mark, then y/n finally gets what she wants. And I would get what I had wanted...too." 

Soobin was so confused, "Get to your point Ryujin." He says, annoyed. 

"Alright." Without other words said, Ryujin had crashed her lemon-cured lips onto Soobin, and he dropped his cup to the floor by surprise. "Oh my god what are you doing?" Ryujin pushes him off her, hard. Twisting what people had seen.

She smirks and rolls her eyes to the side. You saw it. And Soobin was at a loss for words. All you could do was march to the exit of the place, hearing Soobin call out your name but you didn't want any of it. You weren't supposed to feel this way! You had no right to feel this way. He wasn't yours. You can't be bothered if he kissed someone else. The more you kept telling yourself, the harder it was to believe.

Soobin had lost you in the crowd, but instead, you wanted to give Ryujin a piece of your mind. You've had enough. 

"Why the hell did you do that?" You shout over the loud music. 

"I was testing him," She said amused by the reaction you had with her stunt. 

"No you weren't! You just never want me to be happy. Are you that miserable?" You say, knuckles white in anger. 

She shoots back, "Me? I wasn't miserable enough to fake date someone!" 

-----

The rest of the days at school before the formal were not much different than it was when you didn't have to pretend to be with Soobin. The only noticeable difference now was how empty you felt inside even if you have no right to feel that way. 

Every time he saw you he tried so hard to remind himself that this was what he should have expected. Heck, he couldn't even face you to apologize because he doesn't know what he should be sorry for. He couldn't just admit that he had feelings for you during this deal, that wasn't your fault. It was his. 

You lost at your own game. That's it and it should stay that way. 

Mark finally tried to ask you to the dance, but you declined. You wouldn't let people feel pity over you because you were already sorry enough for yourself. Isn't it ironic how at the end you finally got what you wanted, but you want absolutely nothing to do with it now because it didn't matter anymore?

Arin had tried to reach Soobin again, it turns out it didn't work for her and the guy she brought at the cafe last time. And Soobin let her because there was no use trying to fight for you when it was clear that he had no right to. 

The night of homecoming came and you gave Yeonjun a call, hoping he could take you at the last minute which he surprisingly didn't decline. Over the span of your bondings with Soobin and his friends it was Yeonjun that you got closest to.

"Thanks for coming at the last minute Yeonjun, I appreciate it." You said as you entered the venue. 

"It's no biggie. How are you? Have you talked to him?"  He asks, concerned hoping that he didn't cross a line. 

You purse your lips into a thin line and spoke, "I haven't, but it's fine you know, I don't deserve him." 

Soobin had gone with Arin but he feels empty as ever. But his partner tried her best to keep herself together for the sake of them. 

As the hall played slow music, Soobin had asked her to dance, which she gladly did. Her arms overlapped and rested behind his neck, while his was wrapped around her waist. 

They were looking at each other, but couldn't see eye to eye. Soobin had looked so empty, Arin couldn't help but tear up at the sight. 

"Go." Arin says, looking up and trying to keep her tears from falling. 

"What?" Soobin muttered, genuinely confused. "Are you crying-" 

"Go to her. It's alright." She lets go of her grip on his shoulder.

"Arin, I'm sorry," Soobin says, also on the verge of tears because of how terrible he felt.

"I know Soobin. I always knew. I guess some things can never change if it's still the same person. Go. It’s Alright." She wipes the small tears that had managed to fall on the sides of her face. 

Soobin apologized once more and came looking for you, who was dancing with Yeonjun. 

"You do know that we didn't really date, right?" You tell Yeonjun as you calmly sway to the music. 

"Yeah but I don't think so," He says, loosening his grip from you and bringing his face closer to your ear, "He's here." And lets loose of you, giving you a clear view of Soobin who was now only a few feet away from you. 

"Yeonjun I'm sorry-"  You say, not knowing what to do next. 

"Take it easy, Y/n. Have a great night." He smiles and leaves you alone to be with Soobin. 

You stood frozen, but you wanted to run to his arms and just tell him that you're sorry that you didn't realize your feelings for him sooner and that you feel terrible for using him. 

The next thing you knew, he was in front of you in a heartbeat and had already snaked his arms around your waist. You missed that feeling so much. 

"Hi." he breathes. All you could do was bury your head in his chest and listen to his surprisingly steady heartbeat. 

"Soobin I'm sorry," but he hushes you. 

"I know." He smiles. "Now who do we make jealous?"

You couldn't help but grin. So wide that you couldn't even keep your eyes open. Then you reply, "Everyone, Soobin. Everyone."

--- END ---