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Yanfei is prone to sleepless nights. By nature, she is a chronic overthinker, and while the day keeps her busy with distractions, the dead of night only amplifies her thoughts.
Tonight, she is not bothered by an embarrassing moment (or a particularly unique social interaction that leaves her forever questioning her relationship with the other person) but instead, she feels... empty. Well, empty is a strong word, maybe a little hollow.
Later this week, Yanfei will graduate high school. Yanfei expected restless nights filled with excitement, anxiety, or anticipation for the future. She thought she would be tossing and turning all night, maybe even staying up to plan out her college life and all the fun things she promised herself all these years to do.
After all, what did she work so hard in high school for? Just to feel empty and regretful as her senior year comes to an end?
Apparently so.
She so desperately wants to be excited for the future, to finally get a taste of independence, the satisfaction of working for herself, and the surprises life has in store for her. She hates that she feels so indifferent towards a significant milestone in her life. Or maybe it was only a significant milestone because society is way too obsessed with high school? regardless, she feels that she should be excited.
And even worse, she went absolutely nowhere romantically. If baseball was the metaphor for one’s romantic experience, she was probably benched, cursed to watch her teammates play a game she will never participate in. But it wasn’t like she just wanted to go out with just anyone. She has a person in mind, but wasn’t it kind of too late for that?
Yanfei sighs, turning over on her side to pick up her phone. She squints at the bright screen, quickly flicking the brightness down, and scrolls through her social media feed mindlessly. Realizing that there was quite literally nothing she cared about, she switches to a streaming app and turns on a show, one she has seen a couple of times and just watches for background noise.
The sitcom plays through as the characters engage in a quick back-and-forth banter with some corny jokes weaved into it. She makes her way through a couple of episodes and finds her eyelids getting slightly heavier as her thoughts begin to slow. Yanfei is giddy to finally feel sleepy (but not giddy enough that it would wake her) and almost allows herself to close her eyes before a notification pops up at the top of her screen.
hu tao: heyyy
And then another.
hu tao: r u up
i hope u r
"Hu Tao?" Yanfei mumbles to herself, her voice barely audible from staying silent for hours. she taps on the notification and types out a reply.
yanfei: yeah im up
wait why do u want me to be up
hu tao: bc
im kind of outside ur house
Yanfei immediately sits upright from her bed, staring at her phone and then her window. She walks over and looks down, squinting into the night before she notices a small, person-esque shaped blob waving at her.
yanfei: WHY ARE YOU OUTSIDE MY HOUSE
hu tao: i wanted to see u
also i knew u would be awake
Yanfei stares at the text and smiles to herself. She wants to see me . Before she could type out a response, Hu Tao sends another text.
hu tao: come outt
lets go somewhere
Yanfei sighs. It wasn't like she was going to sleep tonight anyway.
yanfei: fine
hu tao: yayy
Yanfei quickly changes out of her sweatpants into a pair of shorts and puts some socks on before grabbing her shoes on her way out.
She sees the silhouette of Hu Tao in the street, face bent over her phone that illuminates her face in a film of pure white. She looks up at the sound of Yanfei's footsteps and grins, her red eyes glistening as she tucks her phone away and hops over to Yanfei.
"Hey," Hu Tao greets, taking a spot next to Yanfei as they make their way away from Yanfei's place.
"Hi Hu Tao," Yanfei cannot help but smile in return. "Do we have a place in mind?"
"I mean there's only so many things high schoolers do in this town. Like... go to 7-eleven."
Yanfei laughs, "That's probably the most high school thing to do. Like just go to the convenience store because you literally don't have anywhere else to go"
"True. But I think I'll miss it you know? Like yeah, I can get a Slurpee anytime but it's kind of different when you're a kid. I don't know how to describe it" Hu Tao says all this with a small grin, glancing at Yanfei periodically.
"No I get it; it's like you're an observer detached from the real world? Like you're just invading these public spaces that you're not actually a part of and it's just you and the people you're with," Yanfei finishes hesitantly and turns to Hu Tao. Hu Tao nods and they laugh at nothing in particular. Maybe it was the ironic melodrama of barely young adults talking about childhood that made it so ridiculous.
"It feels like it was yesterday when I pulled the fire alarm during the assembly."
"That was two weeks ago," Yanfei deadpans, grin ever-present.
Hu Tao giggles. "I can't believe I got away with so much shit. I mean everyone kinda knew. There was just no proof." Yanfei hears the smile in Hu Tao's voice as she rambles on about all the things she did since her first year of high school.
They stop at the 7-eleven, walking towards the blinding, white store and lowering their voices as they entered.
Hu Tao rushes to the Slurpee and grabs the biggest cup, filling it over the brim by expertly weaving the ice into a mountain up top. Yanfei slows down by the fringe and picks out a yogurt drink for herself.
They arrive at the cash register, and despite much polite protesting from Yanfei, Hu Tao pays for the drinks.
"Relax, I have money from my job," she says, hand blocking Yanfei from paying. The employee remains unamused by the girls' antics and finishes the transaction quickly, mumbling a good night out of obligation as the girls respond with more pep.
They settle by the curb, drinks in hand while their environment is illuminated by the overflowing fluorescent store lights. Hu Tao sips happily on her Slurpee, while Yanfei takes a small taste from her yogurt drink.
"Fuck, my head," Hu Tao groans, bringing her hand to her face as she sets down the Slurpee to her side. Yanfei only laughs, to which Hu Tao pouts.
"Laughing at my demise," she says, "how cruel."
"Maybe I am heartless," Yanfei replies, smiling.
"I highly doubt that"
"I can be mean!"
Hu Tao stops and considers it. "No, you can't," she concludes and Yanfei laughs.
"I feel like you think way too highly of me," Yanfei begins. Hu Tao's eyes widen, but Yanfei stops her. "Not in like a self-deprecating way. I don't hate myself but like... I don't know; you're always so nice to me? I feel like you've always included me in shit when you never have to"
Hu Tao stops to consider, a ghost of a smile left on her face. "Isn't that just being a good friend?"
"Well," Yanfei hesitates, "I just feel like... you would have more fun with someone else. I’m such a workaholic"
"Your work ethic doesn't bother me, Yanfei."
"Obviously but... you know." Yanfei does not know but continues to elaborate. "I wish I was more down for shit; like I’m always blowing stuff off in the name of work and I feel like I haven't always been there"
Hu Tao stares at Yanfei, taking a sip of her Slurpee. "Do you regret working so much?"
"A little. But also no? I like having goals but I’m always pushing off fun for the future, and it gets to a point where I wonder when that future will come. Like if you're always pushing off fun for the future when will you actually get to live?"
"Shit, Yanfei" Hu Tao mumbles. The usual mischief is gone from her eyes, replaced with genuine concern. "Is this what's keeping you up?"
"Besides getting called to 7-eleven in the middle of the night?" Yanfei jokes and Hu Tao jokingly shoves her arm softly in response. "Maybe. But it's not all bad!" Yanfei continues rambling on. "I mean I’ll be going to university soon. Maybe I'll learn from my high school years"
"Look at my smart friend going to one of the top schools in the nation," Hu Tao teases, smiling. Yanfei laughs, bashful. "I have no idea what I’m doing after high school but I’m glad I’m staying for the family business. Plus, I've made quite a reputation for myself here. It would be so much work to build the same notoriety in a different place." Hu Tao grins as if thinking of the mischief and general menace to society she is and will continue to be.
Hu Tao's smile was apparently contagious because Yanfei has the same grin. "You know, I think that's why I like you so much. Like you're always up to something fun and I love that I get to be around you. I think that's at least one part I don't regret"
Hu Tao falls silent again, almost gaping at Yanfei with a slight blush on her face. Yanfei is confused before she realizes the implications of what she just said.
"Sorry- I mean-" Yanfei begins to stammer while Hu Tao's lips quirked up. "I didn't mean it like that," she says, and quickly saves herself.
Hu Tao frowns a bit. "You didn't?"
Yanfei, alarmed at the sight of Hu Tao's face. "No like-" Yanfei sighs. "It's not a confession. unless you want it to be" she quickly mumbles, embarrassed.
Hu Tao, after experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions, finally laughs. "You know, you were the first person I thought of seeing when I couldn't sleep. And I just don't go out in the dead of night with just anyone"
Yanfei is left speechless. and it was difficult to leave Yanfei speechless. She always had something to say. Did Hu Tao just...?
"Why didn't we ever happen, Yanfei?" Hu Tao asks without any malice or accusation, but just genuine curiosity. Her question was half-directed at herself despite directly acknowledging the other girl.
"I-" Yanfei starts off stammering again, but sighs, pausing before giving her answer. "I don't know. you were kind of my best friend... or as close to a best friend I got. I was friendly with a lot of people but to pursue something romantic... I think that was just too much for my brain to handle. Even the implication of flirting sets my brain on fire. You know once Beidou said my haircut looked cute and I didn't stop thinking about it for weeks?"
Hu Tao laughs at this while Yanfei lightly slaps her hand out of embarrassment, telling her not to laugh. Hu Tao cups her own face in her hands, cupping it. "Don't worry, I think Bbeidou was half of our female classmates gay awakening"
Yanfei smiles at this while Hu Tao continues. "And don't blame yourself for it. That wasn't what my question meant. Honestly..." Hu Tao hesitates for a moment. "I think I was afraid of ruining our friendship too," she finally admits. Hu Tao perks up. "I really thought you would figure it out by now just because of how your mind is; I always teased you and shit"
"You did!" Yanfei replies, almost accusingly. "I think I knew deep down you were self-aware"
Hu Tao sips on her drink once more, pondering. "Now that we've confessed at possibly the most convenient time of our lives..." Yanfei laughs at her sarcasm, "What should we do next?"
Yanfei ponders for a moment. "Wanna get out of here?"
Hu Tao grins, "Thought you would never ask"
The two girls get up, drinks in hand as they make their way to the train station, shoulders bumping as they continue talking about whatever came to mind.
"So... university," Hu Tao begins. "That's quite a distance from our little town."
"It's only like one and a half hours by train," Yanfei refutes. "Well, more like two but still... you're always welcome to stop by"
"And you're always welcome to come back," Hu Tao replies, and the duo shares a smile.
The two hop onto the train, and to their convenience, found it empty. Well, it was the middle of the night, but they celebrated their victory nonetheless.
The train announces their next stop as the two get situated in their respective seats. Hu Tao's legs floated up slightly and she swung them back and forth mindlessly, humming a tune as the train rumbles and makes its way towards their destination.
On the contrary, Yanfei stays still, hands in her lap as she plays with her fingers, wondering what she should say next. I mean, they do like each other right? So what now?
Luckily, Hu Tao was not a fucking pussy.
"So...," Hu Tao begins, almost in a sing-song voice. "Back to your massive crush on me." she turns her body towards Yanfei, folding one of her legs on the seat while the other one hangs off the seat. Her red eyes glistened with the same mischief, a grin glued to her face.
Yanfei blushed but smiled nonetheless. "What do you want to know?"
Hu Tao hums and tilts her head, as if in thought. she perks up. "Everything."
Yanfei takes a deep breath. "Ok well... I thought you were cute when I met you in the third week of school. It was when you came up to me with a poster for the occult club and I was kind of confused but just accepted your flyer. " Hu Tao giggles at this but motions for Yanfei to continue. "And then we got placed together in Liyue history."
"That's when we became friends," Hu Tao finishes for her. Yanfei nods.
"History would've been the most boring class that year without you. I don't think there was a singular moment where I just decided to like you but I started looking forward to that class more than ever and... well, I didn't like history that much."
Yanfei turns to Hu Tao's smiling face, expectant. "So now that I’ve told my embarrassing side of the story, let's hear yours"
Hu Tao stammers, flustered. a blush crept up to her face, a desaturated imitation of the color of her eyes. "That's not how it works!"
Yanfei gapes. "That's exactly how it works! "
Luckily for Hu Tao, the train slows to a stop and announces their station. Hu Tao grins and hops off her seat. "I guess that's us!"
"Hu Tao!" Yanfei says accusingly but remains light-hearted. "Are we getting off at a random stop
because you don't want to talk about your feelings?"
Hu Tao gasps, faking offense. "This isn't a random stop, smartass." She grabs Yanfei's hand, guiding her up from her seat. Their hands remain intertwined and hangs between the two. "I’m taking you somewhere"
Yanfei mumbles a "fine" before letting Hu Tao guide her out of the train, hand-in-hand. A soft blush creeps up to her face for the millionth time tonight as she glances at their clasped hands, but she remains comfortable in Hu Tao's presence.
"Where are we going?" Yanfei finally asks when they take a more secluded path.
"You'll see," Hu Tao hums, squeezing Yanfei's hand.
Yanfei's heart almost skips a beat, but she manages to push out a joke. "Am I about to get murdered?" Maybe Hu Tao's humor rubbed off her.
"I literally know where you live."
"Still, we are kind of in the woods in the middle of the night" Yanfei glances at the trees towering over them and the path they are walking on.
Hu Tao remains relaxed. "No no, we're almost there. I used to come here all the time"
"What could you possibly be doing up here?" Yanfei asks, and just as she finishes her question, they arrive at an opening, where the crowd of trees comes to an end to reveal an opening.
The stars peeked out from here, and in front of them was a cliff with wooden railings built around its edges.
Hu Tao and Yanfei approach the edge, and much to Yanfei's disappointment, Hu Tao lets go of her hand to drape herself over the railing and look at the view. Yanfei follows, finally close enough to look over the railings and it leaves her speechless.
Today's full moon reflected itself in highlights over the ocean waves, with streaks of white painted over the dark sea. The stars shined in tiny, random specks, but further away, the florescent lights of Liyue harbor revealed various ships docked at the shore, and Yanfei catches a glimpse of tiny buildings in classic Liyuen architecture cascading further away.
Between the sky and the sea, along with the sleeping town in the distance, Yanfei could not decide what to keep her eyes on.
"Why haven't I been here before?" Yanfei whispers, mostly to herself. She remains awestruck as she gazes at the lights in the distance.
"I mean, you are the president of every extracurricular that involves arguing" Hu Tao deadpans, and Yanfei fakes an eye-roll in response but laughs regardless.
"It's beautiful," she whispers. "How did you find this place?"
Hu Tao remains silent for a moment. "... My grandfather used to take me here before he died." Yanfei gapes, feeling a slight bit of guilt. Hu Tao catches a glimpse of Yanfei's expression. "You don't have to feel bad!"
"No no, I know but still... thanks for bringing me here. It means a lot," Yanfei says, softly with the utmost sincerity.
Hu Tao smiles at the coral-haired girl, a rare one without the usual mischief and playfulness. "So... I guess now is a good time to tell my side of the story"
Yanfei was initially confused, but immediately recalls Hu Tao's dodge on the train. "Please continue"
"You know how you said you met me on the third week of school?" Yanfei nods. "That wasn't actually the first time I saw you. I remember the first week of school I saw this girl arguing with a teacher about the dress code and she physically pulled out the handbook to prove him wrong" Hu Tao smiles as she recounts the memory. "That was probably the most badass thing any first-year did at the time"
"Holy shit I can't believe you saw that," Yanfei says. "He was a little bitch though I have no regrets."
"And ever since then I’ve looked for excuses to seek you out," she finishes, grinning at Yanfei.
"Oh wow, I..." Yanfei isn't sure what she was going to say, or what she was supposed to say. however, Hu Tao's personality has rubbed off on her. She chooses the cheeky answer. "So does this mean you liked me first?"
"Yeah, I guess." Hu Tao admits, and stares directly at Yanfei, exuding confidence distinct from Yanfei's bashfulness. Yanfei blushes. "However, unlike a certain indecisive someone" Hu Tao pokes at Yanfei. "I knew exactly when I liked you"
Yanfei raises an eyebrow.
"I remember in history class you brought me my favorite soda. Which was something i mentioned very briefly but I liked that you really paid attention. I don't know, like..." Hu Tao stops momentarily to think a small smile on her face. "I felt like you really listened. And sometimes people don't really take me seriously or pay attention to the shit I say but you always did. You always have, Yanfei."
Ahe sneaks a glance at Yanfei, who only stared back with the most dumbfounded expression. Hu Tao adored it.
Time stops between the two girls, their close proximity increasingly clear as they kept their eyes on one another. Hu Tao glances down at Yanfei’s lips, and it doesn't slip past Yanfei. She looks back at Yanfei's eyes immediately, almost seeking permission.
Yanfei gives the slightest nod, or so she thinks because she doesn't really remember this part. All she remembers is that Hu Tao finally leans in, placing soft lips on Yanfei's and she kisses back, heart almost jumping out of her chest when Hu Tao places her hand on top of Yanfei's, intertwining on top of the railing.
With the moon as their sole witness, the two girls stayed in each other's embrace, exchanging kisses and soft laughter in between until the moon leaves for dawn.
+
two years later
Yanfei is sitting on a wooden bench at the train station, straining her head to stare at the tracks for any sign of the train. Her phone is in her hand, and she periodically checks it for any updates from Hu Tao. The phone finally lights up without her help, and a text notification pops up.
hu tao: im almost here
i see ur campus !!
hu tao has attached a photo.
The picture showed Yanfei's university campus behind glass, and she made out Hu Tao's silhouette in the reflection, seeing the shadow of a peace sign reflected along with Hu Tao's large hat.
She smiles to herself and was about to type a reply before she hears the familiar roar of the train. Yanfei perks up immediately, leaving her seat as the train slows to a stop. She scans all the exits, looking for any sign of her girlfriend before the doors slide open and she finds the person she is looking for.
"Yanfei!" Hu Tao yells, a smile on her face as she almost hops towards Yanfei with a familiar energetic bounce. Yanfei makes her way towards Hu Tao, accepting the other girl into an embrace. They shared a quick kiss, smiling against the others’ lips.
"I missed you so much," Yanfei whines, linking her arms with Hu Tao as she leans in, "I’ve been so busy with school and work"
"I missed you more," Hu Tao says, cheekier than ever. "So what are we doing today, Miss Yanfei?"
"Let's go to that boba place you like," Yanfei answers almost instantly. It appears she had been thinking about the weekend for the entire week leading up to it. Her overthinking mind was a pain in the ass sometimes, but it was great for planning.
"God, I fucking love that place," Hu Tao says as the two leave the station, hand in hand, as they ramble on and on about their week and exchanging stories and smiles without a care in the world. As far as the duo was concerned, the only person that existed was the girl they were with.