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She was eighteen when she knew, when she knew she was not what she was supposed to be.
Struggling, fighting within, keeping herself in denial for so long, she went on, believing that it’d be fine, that she’d not be that way, that she’ll get back to being "normal" soon. She believed she was over thinking and in reality was only awestruck because of how beautiful Park Jihyo was.
She was twenty when she realized that nothing about her was not normal, that she was fine, that there was no ideal she was supposed to be. It was when she went out and met people, when she talked to people on the internet about herself, about what they felt with themselves that she finally pushed herself to accept herself the way she is, believe that there was no obligation for her to fall in love with cis-gender men only.
She was just around twenty one when she realized that she was madly, truly, deeply, absurdly in love with Park Jihyo. Park Jihyo who had entered her life with the most dazzling smile and the kindest eyes ever, who became her friend without thinking twice.
Jeongyeon had met Jihyo during her final year of high school. When one evening, when it was raining, Jeongyeon had gone to the departmental store nearest to her school to buy dog food to feed the stray little dog that lived in a park nearby, only to find the dog lying lifeless on the ground, perhaps due to the rain, or the cold, she wouldn’t be so sure.
Then, like an angel, Park Jihyo, who went to a different high school, had walked in, saw Jeongyeon cry, pouted, upset and helped her bury the adorable little doggo with dignity, and then bit by bit carved herself a place in Jeongyeon’s heart, leaving Jeongyeon restless and frustrated.
It felt amazing, lightheaded when Jeongyeon allowed herself the acceptance that she was in love with her best friend, that the reason for heart beating rapidly whenever they hugged was not Jeongyeon’s discomfort with physical closeness. Jeongyeon was happy for herself because she had fallen in love with the most prepossessing person she could ever have chosen for herself.
But Jihyo was a girl, and it was never meant to be easy to deal with.
Jeongyeon decided she’d wait around and see, see if Jihyo liked girls, see if Jihyo could ever love her.
She was twenty three when Jihyo, who was a year younger than her had come to her college, waiting for her to finish her classes, had told her that she’d met a beautiful boy, one that would do it all for her sake. Jeongyeon was happy for her even if not for herself.
She made Jeongyeon meet him. Kang Euigeon. Jeongyeon liked him. He was caring, he was nice, he respected Jihyo, her boundaries and never imposed superiority. A total charmer and as almost as perfect as a human could be. Jihyo was happy with him, and Jeongyeon put on a smile, genuine albeit sad, because Jihyo was so beautiful, so amazing and she deserved all the happiness and being with Euigeon had elevated all the blissfulness of her life. Jeongyeon couldn’t not be happy when Jihyo looked at her expectantly, asking her what she thought of him when they were lying next to each other on Jeongyeon’s bed, with a blindingly gorgeous smile. Jihyo was so so happy that Jeongyeon couldn’t help but smile back at her, truthfully, happy in all honesty and say, “Never let him go.”
She was twenty-five and successfully working at a law firm when Jihyo knocked on her apartment door, and dragged her into a club. “Stop acting like an old woman and live your twenties, lady.” she had said as she forced Jeongyeon into one of her ‘sexiest’ outfits, one that Jihyo herself had bought her.
That night, Jihyo drank and drank and drank. Over the years, she had grown more and more gorgeous, and her smile had turned happier and happier. Jihyo didn’t need a relationship to keep her happy or define her in any way, but if she needed a relationship at all, Euigeon had proven himself to be the best, the most amazing man. Jeongyeon couldn’t help but stare at the anchor tattooed under Jihyo’s collarbone, peeking out from under her single strap white dress and her long gorgeous, curled beige hair; the one she’d gotten couple tattooed with her boyfriend.
That night, as Jeongyeon stared at her like she wanted to kiss her, and keep her for herself, Jihyo had bent across from her seat at the bar, and kissed her. Her glossy, tipsy eyes closed, her fingers carding through Jeongyeon’s hair, her lips moving with Jeongyeon’s, both intoxicated by their liquor, tongues clashed with each other.
The next day, she didn’t remember, or perhaps pretended she didn’t remember. Jeongyeon’s heart crashed, burnt even though she knew it was meant to happen, even though she always knew it would only be Euigeon.
There wasn’t much Jeongyeon could do when Jihyo continued being what they always were; best friends. Jeongyeon decided she’d keep Jihyo a little away.
Jeongyeon was twenty-seven now, wearing a navy blue flowy dress, holding a bouquet and a diamond ring in her hand, both of which belonged to Jihyo. When Jihyo took the ring, looking as beautiful as ever, smiling at Jeongyeon nervously, Jeongyeon only managed to give a smile intended to assure her, to calm her nerves, to let her know she’ll always be there for her.
Euigeon looked his best in the black tuxedo, adorable too as he smiled at Jihyo, his teeth all aligned and excited. He seemed jittery, but he was happy, enamored by Jihyo as much as Jihyo was enamored by him.
Jeongyeon, as Jihyo’s maid of honor, raised the first toast, smiled at everyone, and told the story of when Jihyo came to her praising all about how Euigeon was the best man she’d ever met next to her father, how she could see the way Euigeon was completely head over heels for her best friend, how she’d witnessed Jihyo fall head over heels, and concluded with “Treat her like a queen or you’ll be banished from existing.” -including a playful glare in Euigeon’s direction.
Euigeon smiled at her, like he knew, like he could see through her, and then looked at Jihyo sitting beside him, and patted her hair, like he knew what went down between these two best friends almost two years ago. Jeongyeon could never be sure, for it could be her wishful thinking, but she would believe that Jihyo would be anything but dishonest with him.
Jihyo smiled at her with adoration, a smile so blindingly beautiful, and Jeongyeon still would believe she couldn’t have fallen in love with a better person.
Park Jihyo was not hers to keep but Jeongyeon's love never demanded possession anyway. Jeongyeon's heart was only broken, but it felt like it could get aided from the blinding happiness Jihyo wore that entire day, from the way she'd always call Jeongyeon first anytime anything went wrong.
Park Jihyo was not Jeongyeon's to love but Jeongyeon would always remember, even when she is all old and sitting by the fire on her rocking chair, that Park Jihyo was the best feeling to ever invade her, the prettiest home Jeongyeon's heart could be accommodated by.