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~•~
"Come on, Tubbo, it doesn't have to be someone interesting," Tommy complains, standing next to the throne in his knight uniform. "Just find someone with good political stances and power and call it good."
"That's a lot harder than you think," Tubbo rolls his eyes, leaning against his throne and resting his chin on his hand. "Everyone here wants power because they don't have enough of it yet."
"Excuse me, your highness," another voice interrupts, immediately putting Tubbo on the edge of his patience. "May I have a dance?" Their overly fancy masquerade mask is loaded with amethyst crystals, and while it looks pretty objectively, the jewels only serve to anger Tubbo further.
"Depends," he says anyway, just to make Tommy shut up. "What do I stand to gain?"
"A powerful duke of a prosperous nation," the man in the shimmering purple suit declares presumptuously. "Harmony between our kingdoms."
"You're not even a king?" Tubbo rebukes immediately. Tommy groans from beside him. "What country are you from, if you've come to ask for peace?"
"Las Nevadas," the man in purple answers, and Tubbo laughs.
"An outrageous request. Leave, and don't bother coming back to try again."
The obnoxious suitor takes his leave with a graceful bow. Tubbo is annoyed with it all. "I can't believe I have to do this for three nights," he laments, wishing to be anywhere but here in this stuffy ballroom with too many rich socialites looking for more money.
"Tell me about it," Tommy agrees, then turns on him. "Listening to you complain about how many people are asking to marry you is almost as annoyin' as the idiots themselves."
Tubbo just groans, head in his hands. "I don't even want to marry anyone, this is so stupid." He rakes a hand through his hair, looking up at the royal party goers with as much irritation as he would a swarm of flies. "I'm barely eighteen, this is ridiculous."
"So?" Tommy sasses easily. "You're not even supposed to be looking for love, you're supposed to be looking for peace. Get on with it," he goads, beckoning the next suitor forwards.
This one at least doesn't give off rich insect vibes. Tubbo's actually quite surprised they managed to get in, because instead of an overly expensive jeweled outfit, this suitor's mask is simple, made of cloth and wire. They even have a fabric covering for their mouth, split black and white down the middle like the eye decoration. This contender wears a simple black suit, with a purple sequined shirt underneath the jacket, just enough to look cool and not too flashy.
"Can I help you?" Tubbo asks directly, hoping to get straight to the point. He doesn't want to drag out this disappointing affair any longer than it needs to be. With enough speed, Tubbo might be able to send everyone in the ballroom home, and he'll have a lower number of suitors to deal with tomorrow night.
"I kinda just wanted to chat, honestly," the contender admits, and Tubbo is willing to give that a chance.
"Name and pronouns?" Tommy questions, relaxing his grip on his trident. The weapon is mostly for decorative and intimidation purposes, but the knight is never afraid to use it. Loosening his hold is a sign of curiosity more than anything, not that this suitor would know that.
"Ranboo, he/him," the man in the cool suit answers. "You two looked a little tense after Purpled made his case, so I wanted to check if everything was alright," Ranboo shifts, clearly nervous and not bothering to hide it. Or maybe it's an act, but Tubbo has a strange feeling that it's not.
"Are you also part of Las Nevadas?" Tubbo asks, keeping his voice curious and turning down the dangerous tones. Tommy gives him a weird look, and Tubbo knows it's because of how unusual it is for him to act polite.
"Oh, no," Ranboo holds up his hands, "I just know the residents from… old conflicts," he chooses to say. Interesting. So this Ranboo is also an enemy of Las Nevadas. A good start.
"I see," Tubbo analyzes, examining the quality handiwork of the outfit. "Where are you from, then?" This man had to be from somewhere of importance, if he was invited to the masquerade in the first place.
"The Arctics," Ranboo claims. Tubbo could not have predicted that answer.
Tommy interrupts Tubbo's thought process, incredulously asking, "The home of the Blade?"
Chuckling nervously, Ranboo answers, "Yeah, but he isn't around all that much. He's a lot less intimidating when you can steal his emeralds without consequences."
Tommy's eyes light up at the mention of stealing, and Tubbo knows they've got one. Finally, someone else interesting to talk to. "Would you care to take this outside? The ballroom is rather crowded," Tubbo queries, polite on accident. Tommy gives him another look.
"I'd love to," Ranboo confesses happily, and Tubbo steps down from the throne to lead the suitor out of the stuffy, perfumed ballroom, crowd parting for them in advance. He regrets the action immediately, because he didn't notice just how tall Ranboo was from his position on the dais. The suitor's height is completely unfair, actually towering a head above Tubbo.
"What the fuck," leaves his mouth before he could bother to stop it, tilting his head back to look up at Ranboo's mask. What little he can see of the man's eyes disappears as he cackles, actually cackles in delight.
Tubbo decides he's keeping this one before they're even out the door.
"I wasn't expecting that either," Ranboo giggles when they're past the overly large, heavy doors and out of the overly large, fancy ballroom full of overly decorated people. "You looked so annoyed and intimidating from up on your throne, it's crazy to think that you're this short," Ranboo practically deflates, the air leaving his lungs in a drawn-out wheeze.
"You're just offensively tall," Tubbo counters, smiling at a suitor for the first time ever. "It's utterly ridiculous, how tall even are you?"
Ranboo snorts, "Six-six." Tubbo shouts in outrage, fully believing him. This guy's demeanor is so relaxed that it relaxes Tubbo as well, in a way he isn't used to. He doesn't feel drowsy or anything, just a strange sense of calm at the sound of his voice.
Tubbo has to ask. "What are you even here for?" He definitely doesn't need power if he's from the Arctic, and he also doesn't seem to want it anyway. So the nukes are out of the equation. Peace, maybe? But the Arctic is at peace with everyone right now, as far as Tubbo knows. Then it hits him. "Wealth, maybe?"
Ranboo laughs, loud but soft at the same time. "Hardly. Just because I'm not as tacky as everyone else with their emerald crowns doesn't mean I don't have a chest full of emerald blocks."
Making his decision on the spot, Tubbo demands, "Marry me." Not only does Ranboo fit all the qualifications he was supposed to look for, he also has that awkward type of humor to him, the kind that makes Tubbo want to laugh at everything he says.
"Okay," Ranboo agrees easily, though he laughs at the blunt command. "Were you that tempted by my money?" It's a valid question, but one that comes across as a joke, and has an edge of urgency to it, making it seem as though Ranboo would be upset if the answer was yes.
"Kind of," Tubbo says honestly, causing a surprised huff, "But there's a lot of other reasons. You're funny, and I like talking to you, and you know how to steal," he rattles off, something in his chest wanting to make sure Ranboo feels nice. Wanted. Happy.
"Aww," Ranboo murmurs quietly. "I'm glad you think so, even if most of my humor is really just dad jokes in a different font."
Tubbo barks out a sharp laugh, bending over from a sudden stitch in his side. "Oh my god, shut the fuck up, that was hilarious," he gasps, laughing like Tommy does after he steals something he doesn't need.
"What's so important about me knowing how to steal?" Ranboo asks as Tubbo calms down. "Do you just want more resources, or…?"
"Nah, it's cuz Tommy likes it," Tubbo blinks snow out of his eyes and brushes it off his stupid expensive suit. "I found him in a dumpster," he says fondly, remembering his first encounter with Tommy and Wilbur.
"You did what?" Ranboo questions, concern making his deep voice rise in pitch. Oh yeah, not many people know about the trash panda story.
"Yep, I found him and took him home like a lost cat," Tubbo snorts. "Now that we're engaged I'll have to tell you all the stories."
Chuckling, Ranboo agrees, "Absolutely." The conversation feels so natural, and Tubbo basks in it, the feeling of comradery with someone new and interesting.
"We should probably go back and tell everyone the ball is cancelled," Tubbo muses, eyeing the huge wooden doors with distaste. At least he found someone his parents will approve of. With a glance to his ridiculously tall fiancé of five minutes, Tubbo realizes, "You're actually perfect."
Surprise evident in his tone, Ranboo replies, "Thank you?"
"I mean, you check off all the things Tommy was telling me to look for," Tubbo explains, heading back to the doors. "Access to power, wealthy, good morals," he pushes the massive doors open with ease. " And you caught my interest. A difficult feat, congratulations," Tubbo grins, taking Ranboo's hand and pulling him across the shiny, waxed stone floor to the dais.
"What are you gonna tell them?" Ranboo asks as he's dragged up the stairs, easily keeping pace with his stupidly long legs.
Tubbo smiles, but instead of the bubbly expression he wore outside, he comes across strangely predatory. "Watch and learn, boss man." The 'king' of Snowchester steps to the front, and Tommy pounds his trident on the floor to call attention. "Friends, foes, and hoes, I have returned to announce that I am engaged to Ranboo of the Arctic, so you can all stop wasting your time and go home."
Tommy applauds him, holding his trident upright with his arms, while Ranboo sputters into a cackle. The suitors exit the ballroom with the disappointed grace that only their brand of rich socialite can manage, giving Tubbo the satisfaction he's been craving since the first idiot came up to him.
"So you chose him, huh?" Tommy observes as the guests trickle out. "I guess he seems alright," he squints judgmentally at Ranboo. Tubbo smiles, brightly this time, because from Tommy that's a signed approval.
"Excuse you, I look hot," Ranboo deadpans, crossing his arms and trying to look cool. Tubbo laughs at both the half-joke and Tommy's reaction, which is pure disgust.
"You don't look hot, " Tommy's face scrunches up like he just ate a beetroot, or maybe a poisonous potato. When Tubbo giggles at him, Tommy turns to him with another expression, this one of mock rage. "Disagree with him, Tubbo!"
Tubbo can only laugh harder, because he literally just got engaged to this man and Tommy's just–
"Disagree with him!"
"I disa–" Tubbo chokes and dies on a snort.
"Nooo," Ranboo is drawing out the syllable like he can convince Tubbo to his side of the ridiculous argument if he says it long enough. "Tubbooo!"
Tubbo's crying laughing, basically ignoring both of them. "I," he breathes, and breaks down into giggles when Ranboo starts to look betrayed. "It's definitely not hot, " he specifies, on the verge of laughing again.
Ranboo lets out a cry of "Nooo!"
"But it definitely looks cool," Tubbo smiles at the exaggerated way Ranboo preens, hands on his hips and leaning over Tommy.
"I totally win!" he declares, then sits back on his heels and cackles.
"You're both idiots," Tubbo observes them fondly, smile never leaving his face.
~•~