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Everything was so. Boring.
Sure, he can put on the little outfit, show off with fancy steps, but at the end of the day no one measures up. And yes, maybe he leaves destruction in his wake, but it could at the very least be interesting destruction. But alas, it is much of the same uninspiring drivel. It really makes a boy not want to perform.
S was created so he could be the main character, but without an ensemble cast it’s desolate. He’s literally surrounded by mediocrity. Sure, he “had” Cherry and Joe, but realistically they had each other and being a third wheel is decidedly unsexy. Being united and banal is a bit much so he dropped them. They were there to pick up each other’s pieces.
Did he hurt some people, yes, but what is pain if not love unfettered? It isn’t his fault no one could handle the sacrifices necessary to choose love. A broken leg or two really is nothing in the long run, it’s the dedication that’s important, working through the hardship. And one could argue, if your hardship is loss of limb or possibly life maybe it’s not worth it, but the people saying that aren’t winners.
All he really has is a secretary he can’t stand; and yes, naturally the puppy is loyal but too little too late. Being resigned to one another does not a functional relationship make, especially when one party forfeit said relationship. Now he’s just annoyingly ready to fall on the sword at any opportunity, overcorrecting for past sleights. Maybe it’s annoying because there’s still a nugget of care deep down, but there’s no use ruminating on such things when there’s a search to be had.
Eve. A true equal. And perhaps there’s a hope that he wouldn’t have to pull from his own rib for such a thing. Considering the state of his life, he feels he’s allowed one handout, a divine gift presented only for him; an apology for his childhood being filled with strife. Not strife, unconditional love. Care and dedication. Security.
No one really provides security now though, and if he thinks too long about it he’d get a slimy feeling deep in his belly, so he doesn’t. It brings memories of watching Cherry and Joe when they didn’t see him coming around the corner, when they thought he was too busy performing tricks. Everyone thinks he had Cherry, but he didn’t, not really. Not for the long haul, as it were.
There are a lot of things he doesn’t let himself think too hardly about. He’d rather skate and make a spectacle than look inwardly for too long. A little self-introspection and his daily mask would slip, and he’s a touch too important for that sort of thing; So he keeps searching outwardly instead.
When he’s alone, after the meetings, after listening to his aunts prattle on about nothing, he allows himself thoughts of his Eve. How he’d like them to be. And maybe it’s pieces of the people he’s known. The loyalty of Tadashi, the demure of Cherry, the warmth of Joe (though he wasn’t on the receiving end of it often.) And maybe they wouldn’t need to be a secret, tucked away with his flashy red costume; perhaps they could be a support in his real life as well.
When he gets too caught up in that particular thought, he stops. Some things are too pure, too good, too rooted in fantasy to entertain. And then he calls in Tadashi to hear his schedule for the next day, makes him kneel while reciting because he gets something out of humiliating someone else, the way he thinks he ought to be.
He still attends S on occasion. It’s almost out of a weird wish fulfillment; maybe one day someone will come along. Someone interesting, someone to cure the never-ending boredom. And it won’t be Cherry who challenges him every week, and it’s so pathetic. It won’t be Joe who caught the message long ago and finally stopped, which is kind of admirable if he weren’t a lackluster skater. It won’t be Tadashi, who lurks on the sidelines in guilt. But it might be someone.
So he keeps putting on the outfit, keeps doing his little dance to the cheers of crowds. Because his life may be lonely but being worshipped like this? Passes enough for love in the interim.