Archive of Our Own

She had been in love with Richard for at least 2 years before they married, although she never admitted it. Not only had she been poor after the family ‘old money’ ran out and she was evicted from her ancestral home, he was new money and one thing that Audrey had been certain of was that old money and new money did not mix, and on top of that she could not marry him being a pauper. Fate stepped in at the exact right moment and an inheritance had boosted Audrey's financial situation considerably. Dear Uncle Greville, she thought, you came through for me when I needed you most. Audrey was able to buy back Grantleigh when Richard sold it to fund a business project and she was in a position for him to pursue her.

Of course he didn't. Richard understood more than anyone that old money and new money didn't mix, and with Audrey back in the manor he felt he had nothing to offer her. But if nothing else, Audrey was confident in her ability to reunite them and give Richard the opportunity to propose. 

Try as hard as Audrey might to not even like him, she had fallen in love with Richard the night of the Summer Hunt Ball. He came over to apologize for tricking her into organizing the ball and brought her thank you flowers. Their dance on her terrace had been over quickly, but it was more than enough time for Audrey to feel the strength and comfort of his arms around her body, the smoothness of his cheek against hers, his light breath gently tickling her ear and the intoxicating smell of his aftershave that lingered softly on her after this close contact. She knew that she wanted more of him.

Yes he could be arrogant, manipulative and hypocritical but he was also kind, generous and more determined than anyone else Audrey knew (except herself). He made Audrey feel emotions that she had never experienced before. Hours had been wasted day dreaming about what it would be like if they were together but nothing could prepare her for how truly wonderful it would be, how natural it would feel and how deeply she could love him.

Audrey's Welcome Home party provided the perfect moment for them to admit their feelings and start a life together. Richard's normal arrogance had been replaced with vulnerability when, sensing his reluctance, Audrey proposed to him. He could not believe that she would want him, but her life was not complete without him and he quickly accepted her terms - he would 'chuck' the business and return to Grantleigh to marry her. Audrey's heart soared when he his answer was 'Definitely.' and despite wanting to throw her arms around him and press their bodies together, their first kiss was delayed to a more appropriate setting - not standing in front of Marton, her dead husband's, grave. They moved mere meters to the front entry of the church and Richard finally took her into his arms and kissed her. The nerves that had built in her mind about what it would be like to kiss him, if she would be good enough, dissipated the instant she felt his lips against hers. The kiss was soft and tentative to start and quickly deepened into a passionate, breathless connection which neither wanted to end. In fact, Audrey wanted more of him and she could feel he was in the same position. Decency washed over them like a bucket of ice cold water, and they reluctantly broke apart. They knew their absence from the party would be noticed and they needed to return and share their exciting news before, hopefully, moving the guests on so that they could have more time alone together.

Audrey recalled the walk back the the manor, how free she felt to finally know that they would be together. Her hand fit in his like a glove and they giggled like young lovers as they whispered sweet words to one another. How many times they stopped to kiss Audrey could never remember, but the feeling of his lips on hers and her desire for more was something she would never forget.

Their announcement was well received and when mother had finally gone to bed and the Brigadier had taken Marjory home, they were alone again. Richard’s dark eyes twinkled sexily as they met Audrey's, sending a shiver of excitement down her spine. She took his hand, almost shyly, as she lead him to her bedroom - it had been his before and now it would be theirs. They poured expensive champagne into flutes and Richard proposed a toast to them. “Audrey, darling, here’s to us and a long life together. Thank you for making me the happiest man alive.”

Their eyes stay connected and Audrey felt the strongest emotions of love, adoration and desire for him and she saw these in his eyes too, it took her breath away. All the years of romantic tensions and longing had built up and after only one sip of her champagne Audrey could not wait any longer. Just like new money and old money not mixing, Audrey knew it wasn't proper for a woman to take the lead, but she sensed that Richard needed her to this first time. She put down her glass, slipped off her shoes and stepped in to close the gap between them. Audrey still remembered the waves of excitement and nervousness through her body. Kissing was one thing, making love was something entirely different. Her experiences with Marton were nothing to brag about and she was worried that Richard would find her inexperience a turn off.

The champagne had dulled her inhibitions and she wrapped her arms around his neck so her fingers could slid through his thick dark hair as they kissed before moving down to slowly start undressing him. Again, Audrey was surprised at how easy it was to be with Richard, how vulnerable and adventurous she could be without embarrassment. Of course it would be a small scandal that he shared her bedroom before they married but something Audrey loved about Richard was his lack of care for idle gossip and she intended to embrace it more herself. 

And no level of scandal would diminish or create regrets in Audrey for that first night she and Richard had together. As their bodies became one, and Richard continued to create feelings and sensations that she never knew existed, it only reinforced what Audrey already knew. Richard DeVere was the only man for her. She was head over heels in love with him. 

She knew that her feelings were reciprocated. Richard was gentle with her, he cherished her body and was always generous with his affection. Audrey was surprised how quickly she became comfortable with his public displays of affection, something she would have found vulgar in the past but she welcomed Richard’s easiness with showing her, and everyone else his, love for her. 

Yet, they remained true to their own personalities, and they would not be Audrey and Richard if it was all love and no wars. The first war, of sorts, was Richard's attempt to kick Bertie, Audrey's beloved beagle, out of the house. 

Audrey felt her blood boil and she went into her safe space of attack. Richard was not one to raise his voice. He did not have to. His steely reserve and confidence carried him through confrontations and he refused to match Audrey's volume. Instead, he shook his head in frustration at her petulance which only spurned her on until Audrey insinuated that she would not marry him and she saw her words hit him harder than a slap in the face. She instantly regretted them. His hurt was obvious and he took a breath, unsure how to respond.

Audrey was Audrey though and admitting she was in the wrong was almost impossible for her. Instead she turned on her heel and stormed out. Her last vision was the shock on Richard's face as he struggled to comprehend what was happening. Her heart was in her stomach and she felt sick about the argument. Of course she was right, Bertie would not be evicted from his own home, but it didn't warrant a fight of this magnitude. She had to clear her head, so she changed into her riding gear and went to the stables. On her favorite horse, Archie, she rode around the estate, her words reverberating around her head. She knew that Richard would never force Bertie out and so she wondered why she had such an extreme reaction. He was a good man, the best really, and the thought of being without him made her heart ache. 

Yet, she was not going to be dictated to by a man. Audrey knew that she could live on her own, she just didn't want to. She wanted to be with Richard, so after she finished her long ride, she went back into the manor. Not to apologize, as such, just to try and clear the air. Richard was waiting for her in the drawing room and looked glum. As guilt pounded in her chest she decided to ignore him and asked Brabinger to run her bath while she made a drink to remain in the room, giving Richard more time to speak first. And because he was a good man, he did speak first with a heartfelt apology and agreement that Bertie would remain indoors. Relief flooded her and she walked over and sat in his lap, using his tie to pull him to her to kiss. 

His hands moved around her body to draw her closer and Audrey felt the safety and reassurance she craved from him. Their kiss deepened and Audrey knew there was some making up to do so she stood up and took his hand, leading them to their bedroom. 

Audrey could not have imagined a more perfect wedding. Richard looked so handsome in a grey suit and even with all his confidence and bravado, Audrey saw his hands shake and heard his voice quiver as he placed the wedding band on her finger, his emotions only just in check. He had a tear in his eye when she made her vows to him. Richard took her to his Mayfair penthouse for their wedding night before they flew out to Spain for their honeymoon. 

What a night of decadence that had been. The matching kitsch black monogrammed silk robes, laying in front of the fire and enjoying the time completely alone. The absolute pleasure they were determined to give to the other. Audrey blushed thinking about how bold she had been, the desires Richard created in her, the fulfilment he always provided. Yes, that was special but Audrey just loved to be with him. Whether they were talking or sitting in silence or bantering as they liked to do - being together did not necessarily remove either of their need to win - Audrey just loved to be in his company. He was attentive, caring, smart, funny and he challenged her. 

The warm weather in Spain and being away from the estate made for a magical honeymoon. Audrey even allowed sleep-ins, watching Richard sleep as he completely relaxed away from the distraction of the estate and his business interests. She would often wake first and like to watch him as he slept. Long days were spent at the beach and gorgeous little tapas bars for drinks and dinner. Audrey’s eyes moved to the picture from the last night of their honeymoon. Audrey was sitting on his lap with her arm around his neck. Richard had one arm around her waist and the other on her knee. They were both smiling joyfully at the camera.

Audrey had just turned 40 when they married, and Richard was 44, but they were like teenagers on their honeymoon, it was a new and amazing experience for Audrey to be with a man who she loved so deeply and felt so safe with that she could also completely relax. They giggled and made love as often as they could. He was affectionate and sweet.

If there was a time in life that Audrey could be transported back to, it was this precious time they had together. As she and Richard developed the most intimate relationship both had ever had. Audrey saw a whole new side to Richard, that made her love him even more deeply.  

They returned to home with the excitement of their new life as Mr and Mrs DeVere of Grantleigh Manor starting. Audrey had already ordered her new stationery with Audrey DeVere smartly embossed across the top and she smiled as she wrote her thank you notes for their wedding guests. After years of secretly practicing her new signature she was satisfied with how elegant and short it looked. Mrs DeVere. Pride and happiness washed over her. Finally she had made it happen. 

Richard was at a loss without Cavendish and at times Audrey felt a pang of shame for not stopping him leaving the business he had built from nothing. Before long though their own farming business picked up and this kept Richard occupied and they certainly didn’t need the money from his previous work. He tried to immerse himself in country life but it never quite suited him as much as his life as a business executive and when he tentatively suggested a new business venture to support the local farmers he would call Farmer Tom (after Audrey’s father Thomas fforbes-Hamilton) Audrey saw the twinkle in his eyes again and gave her nervous blessing. 

She need not have worried about losing Richard to the grubby world of commerce again. His finely honed business skills ensured Farmer Tom was successful even from the get go. Audrey loved to see him in his element - commanding, powerful and brilliant. Plus it kept him busy and Audrey free to run the estate as she liked, within reason. 

It should have not been a surprise that shortly after their honeymoon Audrey had discovered she was pregnant. Richard was over the moon with excitment and pride. Although Audrey worried about how they would navigate the pregnancy and how a child would impact their relationship nothing could have prepared her for the love that she would feel for Richard and their unborn baby. Babies. It turned out that Audrey was carrying twins and Richard's proud chest doubled with the discovery that two new DeVere’s would enter the world. 

The only wrinkle had been Richards over zealous protectiveness of Audrey, who mostly bared it with good grace. For how could she push away the man who made her so happy and to whom she made so happy, knowing that she was bearing his children. Although sometimes it did become too much and she did snap. The hurt in his dark eyes was too much and usually Audrey apologized but she was still Audrey fforbes-Hamilton and on occasion she did not accept his hurt as her fault and, understanding her as only Richard did, he would try to be the peacemaker. 

He was a wonderful father. He insisted on being with her when the twins were born, holding her hand and bearing the brunt of her discomfort and pain. Audrey recalled how hard she had squeezed his hand and all he did was try to relax and comfort her. His dark eyes meeting hers as he wiped the sweat off her forehead and told her how proud he was of her, how happy she made him. Audrey felt a lump in her throat as she remembered this and his face as each child was born. She could never forget the way he looked at her - amazement, adoration and more love than she could ever imagine.

Eleanor Maria DeVere, or Ellie as she would be called, was a Mummy's girl but Richard held her for as long as possible, before he relented and gave her to Audrey to feed. David Greville DeVere was Richard's carbon copy and his eyes followed his father everywhere, until he was old enough to be mobile and then he physically followed him. For the first few months of the twins lives, they lived in a bubble. Yes, a nanny helped them, but they were very hands on as parents, even changing the occasional nappy! The best times were when they were all together - in Richard and Audrey's big bed, or walking around the estate together. 

Family holidays were spent on the ski slopes and their villa in Spain, the nanny with them to ensure that Richard and Audrey had the time together that they needed. Audrey was busy with the children, the school and other charities and Farmer Tom had grown substantially. They did not get as much time together as they would have liked and holidays were the perfect time to reconnect. 

Audrey remembered them lying on the beach one holiday and Richard turning to her. She felt his eyes on her before his fingers gently grazer her arm. 

“Mmmm?” she asked lazily. 

“Audrey?” His serious tone had her turn to look at him and she saw worry in his deep, dark eyes. The sexiest eyes she had ever know. 

“What is it?” Audrey was concerned what he might have to say. 

“Are you happy? That we married I mean? Still?”

Audrey had no idea what bought this sudden thought into Richard’s head and she almost wanted to laugh, but the look on his face was enough for her to reply simply, “Of course! Why?”

“I am. I only wish we had have done it sooner. Don’t you?”

Now she smiled, “Definitely.”

Audrey had loved that word ever since hearing it on his lips the night she proposed. Now Richard smiled too and he leaned in to kiss her. Thank god the years has not dulled their passion for one another, despite their busy schedules. She hoped this never changed. 

The twins grew up quickly and life revolved even more around them than around Richard and Audrey. Slowly their relationship shifted, until the twins were off to boarding school for secondary and they lost Mother and Brabinger. Audrey spent the first month without the twins feeling lost. If it wasn’t being involved in the local school, she and the twins spent so much time together with the horses, and now this was all gone. It dawned on Audrey that she and Richard had grown apart. They hardly spoke about much other than the trivial day to day tasks and after a particularly nasty row, Audrey packed a bag and left the manor.

He’d called her the worlds biggest know it all and when she threatened to leave he said, “Don’t let me stop you!”

Audrey had never felt so alone, low or empty. She just didn’t know where it had all gone wrong. She loved Richard as much as always, but he seemed so distant. Had his feelings changed? She cried as she relieved their conversation to Marjory as they walked to Peregrines Folley. Richard was already there and overheard them. 

He stepped out and offered the olive branch. He said he was sorry and told her he loved her. But Audrey couldn’t accept it. She was still far too mad and she rejected his peacemaking. That night she cried until her throat was sore and her eyes were dry of tears. She knew she must look a fright and didn’t care. Audrey knew that she was in the wrong bed in the wrong house. She wanted Richard. She needed him. There was only one thing to do. 

Audrey swallowed her pride. She went home to make amends. Richard was nowhere to be found, so Audrey sat in their drawing room. She reflected on their first 12 years of marriage. It had been good, their love was strong until recently when too much change had her at a loss. 

Richard walked in and Audrey’s heart stopped and her mouth went dry. She couldn’t look at him, afraid of what she might see in his eyes, and stared into the fire. Then she felt him sit beside her. 

“I’m sorry.” She choked out and a tear fell down her face. She couldn’t remember the rest of their words, she only remembered the immense relief as Richard forgave her and provided the comfort that she craved from him. They learned though and it had only been up from there and they rediscovered all the things they loved about one another and more. 

Yes, his face had lines, his hair was thinning and a little bald spot was appearing. His eyes though, their sexy twinkle came back and Audrey fell in love with him all over again. A week on the French Riviera breathed new life into their marriage and free from the constraints of Ellie and David they were like newly weds again. 

Over the years Richard had learned to ski, their children were naturals like Audrey, and they went to Zermatt soon after. Now that they had discovered their new freedom they were taking full advantage of it. Audrey loved skiing, it provided a freedom like horse riding but was more physically demanding. At the end of each day they would have dinner, promise to make love but fall asleep cuddling, absolutely exhausted. 

In his ski gear, Richard still looked very sexy. Tall and slim, he had managed to avoid that middle age paunch that many men got, the suits fitted him perfectly. He was a little vein, Audrey knew this and didn’t mind, although he was not so graceful despite the years of practice. He was at least competent - with more speed than skill - and she loved skiing with him. The crisp air against their cheeks, the powdery snow and the sound of swooshing as they flew down the slopes. When they finished a run she would often ski over to him for a kiss and cuddle - a habit that started as she encouraged and rewarded his learning - and if he happened to finish first a snow ball would be ready and waiting which he would throw at her with glee. Audrey smiled, these were wonderful memories. He had done so much for her. More than he would ever know. 

He had made her a mother, taught her humility, gave her confidence in so much more than estate matters, loved her for who she was. He loved her when she was poor and had nothing to offer him. He told her once how much her love meant to him, she still remembered his words, they had been lying in bed cuddling after a day skiing. They were both exhausted and just as she was about to drift off he said, “Darling, I never thought I was worthy until I had your love.” his voice was so vulnerable, Audrey immediately paid attention, “and every day with you since then has made me a better man. It’s your love for me - knowing everything about me and loving me still - that’s done that. I just want to be the best man I can for you.”

The best man he was. Ever romantic, always thoughtful, he loved to spoil her. Audrey had never been showered with affection and gifts before Richard and she loved it. It made her feel special. It made her want to be a better woman for him. Not that she would admit it - a woman should not ever change for a man! But she tried. She tried to be someone that Richard would be proud of too. Sometimes she knew there was just too much entitlement built into her genes, but when she tried Richard always noticed and that made her feel like she could burst with happiness. 

And somehow, before they even knew it, the time had passed so quickly. The children were grown up and at university. They celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary with a party and Audrey looked at a picture that she had framed from it. It was a lovely family picture of the four of them. Ellie, just like Audrey and David still the image of his father. Richard looked so proud. He made it. He beat the system and here he was all those years later with a wonderful family to share it with. 

Audrey couldn’t even remember her life before Richard. She knew it was there, but it was a blur. She couldn’t even clearly remember Marton’s face and for this she was grateful. Her life started the night that she and Richard became engaged and it was wonderful. 

They may have gotten older but they had not yet slowed down. Richard loved his business and was delighted when Ellie joined him, much to Audrey’s initial dismay. She thought Ellie would come back to Grantleigh but no, she wanted the career and loved commerce like her Dad. It was David who returned to Grantleigh, with his veterinarian degree. Ellie’s interest invigorated Richard who had to be reminded by his wife not to let it consume him. Ellie was clearly capable and Audrey quickly adapted her dismay to pride at what a successful and ground breaking daughter she had. Like her mother, no man would stand in her way. 

Richard’s heart attack slowed them down though. Audrey was so grateful that she was with him, and that those ghastly mobile phones had been invented. They were out on one of their evening walks around the estate. Summer was particularly beautiful with the long days and warm breeze. They had only just crossed the bridge when Richard stumbled and then had to sit, clutching his chest and asking Audrey to call for help. She fumbled with the phone but managed to call David and an ambulance. He was rushed to hospital and they wouldn’t let Audrey ride with him. She had felt so scared, she wasn’t ready to be a widow. Funny that all those years ago she had relished it. Now, she only wanted Richard and the thought of life without him was unbearable.

David rushed behind the ambulance and sat with her in the ER waiting room. A doctor finally appeared and broke the news. Audrey fell down with relief. Richard had survived and would be alright. She could see him and spend the night next to him. David went home with orders of what to bring back in the morning. 

Audrey sat by Richard’s bedside. She held his hand, careful of the needles and tubes and felt the tears stream down her face. “You silly old fool,” she chided him, “scaring us all. I’m going to watch your diet like a hawk. No dessert or whiskey for you any more!” She whispered. And then she sobbed, “Thank god you’re alright. I don’t want to be without you. Don’t leave me Richard” and she kissed his hand and lay her head on his bed. 

She felt his hand stroke her face. “It’s alright. I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me.” she heard him whisper. 

“Oh Richard! Darling!” She looked up and saw his smile, it could still make her heart skip a beat all these years later. She leaned forward to kiss him. 

“Remember when you couldn’t stand me?” he joked. 

“Never! And shush, you need to rest.” She replied with a smile. Maybe there was a time when she couldn’t stand him but she was sure she was in love with him still back then. 

“It’s true. You used to yell at me. I thought, I’m never going to win her over. You knocked my confidence. I wasn’t used to losing.” he had a smile and Audrey let him speak uninterrupted. “But I knew, I knew one day I would win you over. You’re a challenge Audrey DeVere, but that’s what I love about you. And my charm won in the end.” His smile was cocky now and Audrey scoffed. 

“It wasn’t your charm Mr DeVere. It was your money all along.” she teased him. Typical, big head as always. 

He grinned then became serious, “I love you darling Audrey, more than anything.”

Audrey smiled through her tears and kissed him again, “I love you too, big head, more than anything.”

He laughed and Audrey felt relief wash over her body. It was short lived as it caused him some pain but he squeezed her hand reassuringly. 

The running of company was completely handed over to Ellie and Richard now had days to fill. Audrey soon became frustrated with this moaning of nothing to do and after finding lists of work for him, he became David’s assistant on house calls to keep him occupied. Nevertheless Audrey was so relieved that he had completely recovered and doted on him more than their three grandchildren. 

Richard with their grandchildren Lucy, Oliver and Riley smiled up at Audrey at a picture taken when the children were young. Ellie’s daughter Lucy was hanging off her Pa’s neck, as usual, and David’s boys Oliver and Riley had their arms around his shoulders. God, Richard loved those children. Any time he might have missed with his own children was channeled into his grandchildren. 

Audrey loved seeing them together. Richard would captivate them with stories of his childhood in Czechoslovakia and growing up poor in London, how he built his business, the story of how he and Audrey met, all their run-ins and how he charmed her into falling in love with him, or the other way around depending on his mood. Of course, he exaggerated about Audrey’s behaviour towards him but always with a twinkle in his eye and a kiss and a cuddle for her as she rolled her eyes and told the grandchildren not to believe a word of what he said. They would giggle and ask to hear the stories all over again. He would sneak them sweets and money and typically was the fun one, while Audrey tried to teach them manners and how to ride horses. She shook her head with a smile as she thought about these memories.

When he became sick, the grandchildren would sit by his side and ask him to tell the stories again. He still captivated them, even with his weakened voice. The twinkle in his eyes remained, especially as he spoke of Audrey. "She's the love of my life, you know." He added in now, "She's made me the happiest man alive. I hope you all find someone to make you as happy."

Audrey knew their time together would end soon and she tried to cherish every moment. Every moment of comfortable silence, holding hands, cuddling in bed, the feeling of his lips on her and his words of love. She was not one for emotion, but he had to know how she felt, the impact he had had on her life. It wasn't long before he died that she said to him as they held hands sitting in front of the fire, "You're everything to me Bedřich Polouvicek, Richard DeVere. You know I don't want to be without you."

He squeezed her hand, "Darling, you mustn't say that. You're needed her."

A tear rolled down her wrinkled face, "So are you." she whispered. "I love you darling, more than I have ever loved anyone."

He leaned in to kiss her. Those passionate embraces of years ago had faded, but there was still a jolt of electricity between them, that chemistry that would never fade or die away, "Audrey, you're the world to me, you have been since I met you. I have never loved anyone the way I love you. I have to go first, I couldn't live without you, darling." They leaned into one another, the reality of life without the other now feeling more tangible than ever before. She knew this kind of love only came along once in a lifetime, and not to everyone. How blessed they had been!

And then it happened. It was weeks later and after an afternoon of sitting together, Audrey ducked out of the room for only minutes. When she returned Richard was gone. His body was there, eyes closed. His spirit already in heaven. She wasn't ready, or prepared, for the heartache that would follow. She held his hand, still warm, and sobbed. David heard her sobs and came into the room. His own body shook with grief and he managed to call his sister and the doctor and then to manage everything as Audrey retreated into a world of her own.

A world where she and Richard had started courting, every kiss a new adventure, every touch a new discovery. His strong arms around her body. She longed for him - 45 years they had together, she only wished it had been more. From the day Richard left, she prayed to join him.

Of course the grandchildren were wonderful and David and Ellie insisted on leaving them with her as often as possible to try and get her spark back. Audrey tried, really she did. But her heart felt constantly heavy. She put on a smile and tried to fill the gap he had left with them too, telling her own version of their Pa's stories. They loved these but sometimes it made his absence felt even more.

Audrey looked at the Christmas picture of her whole family - she and Richard, Ellie and Max with Lucy, David and Emma with Riley and Oliver. It was the last time that they were all together. Complete. What a wonderful family she and Richard had created. What they achieved was beyond her greatest expectations. She put the frame down now and picked up their wedding photo again. Those smiles, pure joy and blissfully unaware of the amazing life they would build together. She sat down and closed her eyes, so tired and willing the feeling of Richard's lips on hers. Miraculously, she felt them. The soft, gentle caress of his lips against hers. The tickle of his moustache. She opened her eyes. Richard was there, but he was young, like in their wedding photo.

"I've been waiting for you." he smiled, and then chuckled, "You always make me wait."

"I do not!" she replied indignantly. But she was so happy to see him that she laughed and threw her arms around him. He picked her up and swung her around, kissing her as he did. 

They were together again.