Chapter Text
Jennie looks into the mirror in her bathroom wiping away the tears that are about to fall. She hates that she cried again, she wants to be strong, wants to be happy for her parents. But that is not easy when it means that you have to play a role, the role of a happy person.
Jennie has to be the happy, confident cool kid in front of everybody else because they would throw her under the bus as soon as they find out who she really is.
Timid and quiet people are weak that was something Jennie had to learn over the years and it became something she wanted to change. And Jennie was able to change, to become someone else during her first year of high school. She started to wear hip and trendy clothes and put on a load of make-up, it was like putting on a mask. People started to stare at her in awe, the coolest guys in her school wanted to be her boyfriend, everything was perfect in school.
But not at home, at home, everything started to get difficult when her parents couldn’t stop arguing anymore. It would start with something small, a ridiculous reason for the two to yell at each other and they would continue like that for hours.
Jennie hates it when they are doing this because they wouldn’t care about her feelings, they don’t see how hurt she is when they are arguing. She just wants to have a happy family but her parents ignore this wish of her.
At first, they were only yelling at each other but over the second and third years of high school, it got worse. Her father started to slap his wife, the words got harsher as they would tell each other that it would have been better if they didn’t meet in the past.
They don’t realize that this also means that Jennie wouldn’t exist. Their daughter started to wonder whether it was her fault that they are always fighting.
Maybe they didn’t want to have a child? Maybe they are disappointed in her because she is not the girl they want her to be?
These and similar thoughts started to form inside of Jennie’s head. Though she was able to keep up the mask in front of her classmates and the people that she calls her friends, there were times she just had to take a break from everything.
The razor blade became a friend of her high school years as Jennie started to believe that she deserves the pain she is feeling through the cuts.
She couldn’t help but wonder why life is so hard for her, while others have no problems and are always happy, have a perfect life…
Jennie leaves her bathroom after applying enough make-up so nobody would be able to see that she cried. She puts on the short black skirt that is lying on her bed and takes a blouse out of her wardrobe. There is another mirror on her wardrobe where Jennie checks her outfit and once again her face.
“Jennie, Sean is here!” The voice of her mother yells from downstairs.
Said girl sighs, Sean became her boyfriend during her second year of high school and though he seems to like her, Jennie is feeling like a dead piece of meat whenever they are kissing. She doesn’t love him, she never did. The only reason why she agreed on dating him was that her friends were having boyfriends and started to wonder whether she would be lesbian or something like that. Jennie knew that she had to find herself a guy to make her friends stop thinking something like that so she accepted Sean’s confession especially because he was just as popular as she was during high school. But now high school is over and university starts the following week and all of her friends left the city for other universities. Jennie would have loved to go with them somewhere else but she was scared, scared of an unknown city that could turn her back into the shy and timid person she was before high school, so she decided to stay where she grew up.
Sean is leaving in a few days too for another city, just like her friends but Jennie doesn’t care. It is hard to explain but somehow she doesn’t feel sad thinking about Sean leaving. So Jennie plans on breaking up with him today.
“Coming!” She shouts back and looks for her bag.
She walks down the stairs, Sean is smiling at her, a smile she returns though her smile is fake.
“Hey honey,” He leans down and plants a kiss on her cheek.
“Hey,” She answers, Jennie doesn’t like to be called like that, she hates these sugarcoated nicknames that are nothing special. Though Sean showers her with love, it is not something that makes her feel loved. Something has to be wrong with Jennie that she doesn’t love her boyfriend, she knows that others would think of her in that way once they find out.
“Are you ready?”
“Yeah, where are we going?” She asks though she doesn’t care, it doesn’t matter whether she will break up with Sean in a restaurant or a forest. She will break up with him either way.
“That is a little surprise, you know, to make our last date before I go something really special.”
“I am sure that it will be unforgettable no matter where we are.”
“It was always a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Kim.” Sean smiles at Jennie’s mother before he takes the hand of his girlfriend and pulls her towards the door.
“Have fun you two.” Mrs. Kim shouts after them but the door is already closed once again behind her daughter and her boyfriend.
They drive with Sean’s car out of the city. Jennie knows where they are heading, Sean is taking her to the restaurant where they had their first date. The trees they are passing by still look the same as they did almost two years ago.
“So, how about you guess where we are heading to.” Sean smiles at her before returning his attention to the street in front of them.
“Hm, okay, we are going to the place where we had our first date,” Jennie says, she hates these games, Sean loves to play them when they are heading somewhere new.
It is only one thing of the long list of things they don’t have in common.
“You are right, when did you find out and how?” He sounds disappointed though the smile never leaves his lips.
“The trees gave you away, they look the same as they did that day.”
“Really? I think they look different…”
“If you say so.”
Their conversation stops, the silence between them feels weird, not like they know each other for years already but like they are two teenagers heading somewhere for their first date but have no idea what to talk about.
Luckily, Sean pulls into a driving lot of the restaurant soon after and they leave the car. He puts his arm around her waist and leads her into the restaurant.
It is a rather expensive restaurant as you have to make a reservation. Everything looks still the same as it did back then. Everything looks too expensive and like it is made for business meetings and not the first or last dates of a teenage couple. Jennie didn’t like the restaurant back then and she still doesn’t now.
“Welcome, did you call and reserve a table?” The voice of a girl pulls Jennie out of her memories. She turns her head towards the entrance where Sean talks with a girl around their age. Though Jennie stands a few meters away, she can tell that the girl is not Korean or at least not full blood. Not that she cared because the girl is still beautiful. Her face is soft though her light blond hair and the blue strands in it build a strong contrast. Jennie can swear that the girl also has a light accent when she is speaking.
Jennie doesn’t realize that she is openly staring at the other girl until said person suddenly tears her eyes away from Sean and looks at her.
Jennie can’t help but blush under the intense stare of the girl who suddenly smirks making the blush on Jennie’s face deepening. The smirk of the girl grows like she knows about her effect on Jennie but then she looks at Sean once again like nothing happened.
The girl motions Sean to follow her to their table.
“Let’s go, honey, our table is ready.” Sean offers Jennie his hand, the girl is watching them with a raised eyebrow that looks almost daring. Jennie takes Sean’s hand and the girl turns around walking away without bothering to make sure that they are following her.
“Lalisa made sure that we get the same table as we had on our first date.”
“Lalisa?”
“Our waitress,” Sean says pointing at the girl in front of them.
“Oh,” Jennie says.
‘So her name is Lalisa that is definitely not Korean.’
They arrive at their table and Sean pulls out a chair for Jennie to sit down.
“Thank you.”
The girl, Lalisa, gives each of them a menu before leaving them alone. She doesn’t look at Jennie before leaving, something said girl somehow bothers though she doesn’t understand why.
“How about we eat the same food as we did back then?” Sean suddenly says and only then Jennie realizes that she was staring after their waitress though Lalisa already disappeared from her view.
Jennie tears her eyes away from the spot, looking at Sean.
“Sure, why not.”
“Are you okay? You sound so uninterested, bored almost like you don’t want to be here with me.” Sean then asks worry written all over his face.
“Everything is fine.”
What is wrong with her? She wanted to break up with Sean so why is she not doing it? Why is she hesitating? Why does she want to wait until dinner is over?
“Are you sure? I can bring you home if you are not feeling well.”
“Everything is fine Sean, I am just hungry I guess.”
Sean nods when Lalisa appears next to their table once again.
“Do you need more time or are you ready to order?” She doesn’t look in Jennie’s direction but only at Sean. And to Jennie’s surprise, it bothers her that the waitress doesn’t spare her a glance. Is she jealous because Lalisa is interested in Sean when she knows that Jennie is his girlfriend? That can’t be the reason, it is not the first time that a girl is openly flirting with Sean. Lalisa disappears once again without a glance at Jennie.
“I hope you don’t mind but I ordered for both of us.”
“That is not a problem at all, she probably wouldn’t have heard me anyway.”
“What do you mean?”
“She was flirting with you, I think she doesn’t even realize that I am here with you.”
“Are you jealous?” Sean asks a smile appearing on his face, it looks like he is happy that Jennie seems to be jealous.
“I’m not jealous.”
“Then why does it bother you that she was flirting with me?”
Jennie doesn’t answer, she doesn’t want to because she doesn’t know the answer to Sean’s question though she would like to know it too.
“I will go to the toilet.”
“Don’t be mad honey.” Sean pleads with this horrible nickname.
“I am not mad, I just need to use the bathroom,” Jennie says leaving the other at the table before he can say something else.
Jennie looks at herself in the mirror, something is different. She can see it from the look in her eyes. There is a fury inside of them which is new because whenever Jennie is looking at herself in the mirror, she can’t help but wonder whether she is alive or not. There is always this dead stare in her eyes but now it is gone.
‘What does that mean?’
“Are you thinking about a plan to get away from your loverboy?” A voice suddenly says from behind taking Jennie by surprise because she didn’t hear the door opening.
She turns around facing Lalisa.
“W-what?”
“I asked whether you are thinking about a way to get away from your date or not because you sure as hell have no feelings for this guy out there.”
“And you know that because?”
“Because I see how your body reacts when he is calling you honey. I can see that you don’t want to be with him but I don’t know why you are not breaking up with him when you are not in love with him.”
“I was planning to dump him after the dinner.”
Lalisa raises her brow just like earlier.
“You are cruel, waiting until you ate and he paid for your food. I feel sorry for him.” She says before leaving the bathroom without another word.
More words are not needed because Jennie knows that Lalisa is right, she is cruel. But why is it bothering her what another girl thinks of her? What is so special about this Lalisa?
Though Jennie doesn’t know Lalisa and the girl doesn’t know her either, she still is right.
‘Maybe I should do it now.’ She thinks walking to the door to finally end her relationship with a guy she never loved.