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Jason first feels it in the stump that night, doing a check up with Boris and Tony. It was just a little tug in his heart, something easily mistaken for wonder. It's not hard to be swept away in curiosity after entering a hollowed out stump-turned-impromptu hangout spot. No stink bombs in the room labeled "Keep Out JP," only a really cool book Kelsey wrote, and no expired food in the snack stash that could be used for some sort of nefarious purpose. Seems to them that the stump trio was clean. Poking around soon became more for fun than for safety reasons.
The tug at his heart strings occurs when he sees a map. There are so many there, and undoubtedly the master map of the Creek that Craig talks so much about was with him right now, but the ones still there are so much more intricate than Jason ever imagined they would be. Everything is spaced out to scale. Jason has a badge for map reading, and he can apply his knowledge from that to this map. That makes the map's craftsmanship masterful, at least in his eyes. It is riddled with detail for something homemade and that's something Jason can appreciate. Jason finds himself flipping through the ones Craig has stored there, instilled with a feeling of exploration even though he is standing in one place.
"Alright, looks like it's all clear here," Tony speaks up after poking around for a time.
Jason turns to face him and Boris, leaving the maps behind him tidy and in place, yet trying his best to appear uninterested in front of his buddies. It just feels embarrassing to admit he is intrigued by the maps to them. He doesn't understand why though. "Yeah, let's go," he agrees. Jason lingers longest, leaving last. He casts one last longing glance at the maps before leaving the stump.
He really wishes he hadn't forgotten the lid to the stump. There is an immense dread that fills him that night when he sees the rain falling outside. The map he ended up ruining was irreplaceable, he knows it. He only hopes that Craig will be able to draw up a new one to at least fill the void in the collection. He also hopes that Craig might someday invite him to see the rest of his maps.
He first notices the feeling after the tea timer's invite him and the rest of the scouts to tea with them. It is a little harder to misinterpret it then. Croquet is not a game that fills Jason with the same wonder that the stump does (or any wonder, for that matter), so he knows it's not that when Craig grabs his hand and pulls him into the leaves of the willow tree, and there's a second of that same unidentified emotion. It's more than just a tug on his heart for a moment when it happens this time. It is the way he can feel the lingering warmth of Craig's hand in his own a little more vividly than normal, the way being alone this way felt vulnerable, almost suffocating. He ignores it. There are more pressing matters at hand.
It feels rewarding to win the game with Craig. It's comforting to hear Craig call him his friend, no matter if it's through clenched teeth. It's with forced restraint that Jason calls Craig his own friend, and the restraint feels less like it's because he doesn't mean it and more because he does mean it, or at least wants to mean it, and doesn't want it to show. It's special. He doesn't know why, but it is.
Then Eliza drops the fact that it was him who left the stump open without it's lid, it was him who allowed the map to get destroyed, and Craig becomes angry with him, as if the guilt of ruining something so splendidly made wasn't already crushing down on him. Now Jason really felt like he was suffocating, arms pinned behind him by Jane and George, Craig looming over him with an ax in his hand, Eliza egging him on to destroy the only thing worth anything to Jason. As if it didn't seem even more a reason to ax the sash in his mind, Jason begs, "These badges are all I have!" Especially since it seems that you're never something I'll have, he subconsciously adds in the back of his mind. If he weren't currently holding back tears, that thought would have confused him so much that he'd half to take some time to himself to try and decipher it.
When Craig turns and runs away from him, away from vengeance, it surprises Jason. There's a sentiment about it that sparks something inside him, the beginning of trust. The feeling of betrayal when he sees the hollow cake is like whiplash afterwards, but he's grateful that at least the trust broken is not the same trust he just felt begin within himself. On top of that, Craig's forgiveness helps him forgive himself. Just when Jason finally feels he has the time to stop and figure out exactly what it is he's feeling, the tug in his chest, the flutter in his stomach, beyond the trust that just sparked, a food fight breaks out and totally rips him right back into the present. And his badges are ruined, because of course something like this would happen to him. At least Craig can empathize with him after he finishes laughing.
He identifies the feeling the night Craig unties the ropes on his dam. It has a hell of a delay, but when it finally registers, the realization smacks into him with the force of a truck.
"Is that why you got those badges? So you could act like a bossy know-it-all?" Craig asks, "Or did you get them because you wanted to help people?" The words pierce through Jason like a needle into fabric. He feels tears begin to stream down his face, and he wants to hide him, but he's too petrified by the question still lingering in the air. He doesn't get the chance to answer, though, even if his mind has been screaming I want to help! at him the whole time, because before he can find his voice the dam breaks underneath their feet.
He's swept away in the current, clinging to a log. As soon as he processes he's still alive, a thought shoots through his mind. Oh my God, I destroyed him like I destroyed his map! If words were like needles before, this cut into him like a knife. Then, he sees Craig next to him, protected by the same log, and relief flows through him even though most of his system is clogged with adrenalin. Craig and Jason both crawl up the log, and before Jason has any time to think (as always), Craig is running away from him, following the torrent's direction. Oh yeah, his friends!
Jason runs after him, finds him clutching their hands, watches him slip- his heart skips a beat. He throws his hand out to grab Craig, but there are a few seconds that he's not sure if he'll be able to reach him, and it's agonizing. He numbs for a moment after he successfully saves him, the fear drains away and leaves apathy. Then, reality hits him, and though he's grateful that Craig, JP, and Kelsey are okay, he's still in danger. He's filled with another emotion he doesn't recognize, a sort of annoyance that he's doing this, not because he doesn't want to help, but because it doesn't feel fair that he's here in this situation at all. It upsets him that he can feel so many emotions that he doesn't understand, or even understand why he feels them.
Jason pulls Craig back up, along with JP and Kelsey, and the relief that fills him, even more so than before now that the adrenalin is wearing off, feels different than usual. "Jason, you saved us," Craig points out, a shocked expression on his face, his words almost sounding more like a question. When he looks at Craig, that's when he realizes it. It hits him full force, he likes Craig, like-likes him, and it terrifies him. Jason stammers, and then he runs away.
He hears JP behind him as he leaves. "Does Jason have a good twin or something?" Jason never thought of himself anything other than good, but right now he considers that he might have a bad twin, in a way. Something that makes him do mean things, but he doesn't know why he does. It's all too confusing, the lashing out, the annoyance, the crush. He hates it.
The next day, he helps Craig by returning his Choco Roll after he drops it. Craig's genuine thank-you makes him feel bright with pride. Now he loves the feeling. Then, Kelsey points out some of the ridiculous charges Jason makes in these kinds of situations, and he barely saves it with a salute and the Forest Scout motto. It feels salvageable enough, but as he smiles at Craig, unable to help it though it makes him feel so obvious and vulnerable, he walks straight into Boris, and it's embarrassing. He hates it again.
Jason thinks about Craig coming over to hang out a lot. He debates asking him to. Then, on a day when he's his loneliest, Craig appears on his doorstep. Jason begins with his usual snark, keeping his defenses up, but as soon as Craig reveals that they are there for what seems to Jason like no reason at all, Jason gives his hopes up. It all comes crashing down when Craig calls his whistle stupid. Had it been anyone else- well, he still would have been angry, still would have slammed the door, but- it wouldn't have hurt so bad. It wouldn't have made him feel so icky and sick and sad.
Then later, just when he felt useful enough to stop feeling so bad, he finds Craig in his backyard, uninvited, in front of a horribly big hole in the ground, flanked by crushed rhododendrons. There's a mix of fear and anger swirling in the pit of his stomach, knowing that he's going to take the blame for this mess, and that his mom is going to be furious that her flowers that she prized so much were wrecked. Even worse is the betrayal. The spark of trust that ignited at the tea timer's party, that has been growing as surely as these flowers had, is crushed with them, extinguished instantly. It really hurts. It hurts far worse than he imagined it could.
He does the only thing he can think to do, and of course it doesn't make sense and he knows it. He chases Craig with a water gun up into some treetop structure that he hasn't ever seen before, but he can see that it's on the verge of caving, and he ignores that fact (in hindsight, he doesn't know why). Jason pursues Craig in circles, tuning out his explanations. Something does stand out, though. Craig yells over his shoulder, "I'm trying to find out why the ancient kids of the creek were fighting each other!" Those words sting, insult to injury.
"Well, maybe because some jerk kid showed up at some lonely kid's house like he wanted to play, but really he just wanted to dig up his backyard! Ever think of that?" Jason sobs back. There are a few seconds when Craig looks back at him, and his expression is an apology for everything he's done, Jason knows it. The seconds go by way too quickly, and as always the moment is interrupted by the whole thing collapsing, because he can't catch a break ever. It's his fault, too. He caused this, he can't deny it.
They're going to die. They're going to die, and it's his fault, and he won't even ever be Craig's friend, let alone anything else to him. "Jason, when I give you the signal, I'm gonna need you to jump!" Craig calls to him. What? Did Craig want him to die? He was going to die anyways, he might as well at least do this for him, whatever happens.
Somehow, Craig saves him. It's far to quick for Jason to process, but the next thing he knows he's on the rope ladder with Craig, swinging forward at a frightening pace. They're both screaming. He's glad he's not afraid alone. As suddenly as it starts, it ends, the ladder slowing to a stop as the bottom drags along the ground.
Craig runs away to the edge of the Creek to look for the notebook that had fallen in, the one Jason hardly even noticed, the one he just destroyed like the map, because all he can do is destroy, or at least that's what he thinks. Before the thought process of self-deprecation in his mind can continue, it finally registers that Craig saved him. He turns away even though Craig already has his back to him. Jason's face is warm, illuminated with pink. Now he can't help but see himself as pathetic. There's no way that Craig could possibly ever want to be his friend after everything, let alone ever like-like him back, and here he was, flustered over him saving him from his own mess like it wasn't his own fault, like he didn't cause all this because of his own impulsivity. He hears Craig lamenting the notebook behind him, and the guilt cuts all the deeper. A sob forces its way out of Jason's choked up throat.
"Jason?" Craig asks, and to Jason's disbelief, he actually sounds concerned. Jason can't help but look back at him, just a peek, his face thoroughly pink and tears shining in his eyes. It's just a glance, and he sees Craig's face, he sees the soggy book gripped in Craig's hand, he sees the mess he made, and the tears escape his eyes and slide down his face. Jason hides his face in his hands, and takes a shaky step away from Craig. His breath hitches. Craig puts a hand on his shoulder. "Jason-" he starts to say something, but Jason practically spins around upon feeling the touch, and he pulls Craig into a hug.
To Jason's surprise, Craig lets him hug him, and lets him cry it out into his shoulder. The proximity certainly doesn't help him feel less embarrassed about the whole situation, and his face might actually be more red than pink by the time he's done, but at least he finishes crying by the time JP and Kelsey show up, and a few minutes later he's fully composed, face back to normal. They are carrying some weird chest with them, and when he asks about it, they explain the whole story about the notebook, an ancient game of capture the flag, and a game master. When they finish, he feels even more stupid and guilty about destroying the notebook, but he still can't help but smile because he's still a kid, and that story is just so cool! It's not an excuse, and it hardly counts as an apology, but he tells the group, "An ancient capture the flag war? You should've told me that in the first place! That sounds cool!" At least now they know they have his support, and all is forgiven about the flowers even though he still dreads facing his mother about them later.
Craig explains the notebook situation to JP and Kelsey, and as if he didn't feel bad enough already, Kelsey turns to him and grumbles, "Way to go, Jason."
The guilt manifests as anger and he yells back, "Hey!" He's too tangled up in his own emotions and thoughts to say anything else, but luckily, he doesn't need to.
"No, it's not Jason's fault. I don't know if it matters how the war started. I think all that matters is that we don't start one-" He turns to Jason, and that smile he gives him brings that spark of trust right back "-you know, by digging up backyards and getting each other grounded." Craig's words, his forgiveness, tugs at Jason's heart, as usual, but this time the moment isn't broken and he can enjoy it for what it is, even if he's not really ready to handle anything more yet. Then, Kelsey and her bird decide to take up the challenge of breaking the record for worms eaten, and they allow him to be their judge because he has a whistle. By the end of the day, he has achieved what he thought was impossible. He and Craig are friends.
Craig first notices it when he first unravels the map, Jason beside him, sugar swipers behind him, in Stack's hideaway in the library. "Okay, where did Xavier say he'd be going tomorrow?" he asks, but he's not looking at the map to see where Jason is going to point to. Jason hasn't pointed yet anyways. Craig can't help but take pride in the way Jason admires the map, like he'd been waiting for forever just to see it (and to Jason, it does feel that way, but Craig never knew it). He watches as Jason moves his hand over to the corner to keep the paper from curling or crinkling, the motion very gentle like the map might disintegrate under his touch (he still hasn't quite forgiven himself for the one he ruined); it's the first time Craig has seen someone so careful with his map.
"Um," Jason peeps suddenly, eyes snapping away from the map for a moment like he's breaking away from a trace. Jason directs both their attention back to the map, and points to a certain trail. "He'll be walking from his trading tree throne to the ninja kid waterfall sometime in the afternoon," Jason tells him, "That trail has a lot of bushes that the sugar swipers can hide in. They won't notice you there."
Craig turns to Kelsey, JP, Shawn, and Raj, waiting behind them for instruction. Kelsey takes that as her que to come up and join them at the map. Jason is still pointing, and she asks, "There, eh?" She studies the route a bit. "Easy," she tells them with a confident smile. She turns to the other three sugar swipers and gives them a thumbs up, telling them, "Path to the waterfall, tomorrow afternoon." JP, Raj, and Shawn return the thumbs up.
The sugar swipers disperse, now having been given their instruction. They're returning to the stump to regroup with Craig after he has a few last words with Jason in their meeting. Stacks says goodbye to Kelsey (and waves to the rest of the sugar swipers out of courtesy), spares a glance at Craig and Jason, then returns to working on summer book reports for children who don't wish to write their own, both in part because she's running a little behind with the whole tyrannical takeover situation happening at the creek, and because she would rather not interrupt a conversation between their leader and their spy. Craig brushes Jason's hand aside so he can fold it back up and tuck it safely into his Purse of Holding. Jason pulls his hand away quickly and mutters an apology.
"It's okay," Craig tells him gently, "Honestly, you're doing so much for us right now, you might as well be allowed to look at the map as much as you'd like." Jason considers the words for a moment, then shakes his head. Craig is silent for a moment, debating whether or not to get straight to the point. He should be asking for more information about Xavier, but his empathy gets the better of him. "Jason, are you okay?" he asks, "Working for us like this, I mean."
"It's worth it, for the creek," Jason answers immediately. There was never a question about that. Craig still sees the fear in his eyes, the discomfort Jason displays when he tugs subconsciously at the edges of his acorn knight uniform like its rough against his skin (even though Craig knows for a fact that the uniforms are surprisingly comfortable), the way his eyes drift down to the mark of the mill on his arm. Jason continues, "It is what it is. This will end eventually, when we run the king out of our side of the creek." There's no doubt in his voice when he says it.
Craig clears his throat. "There's something else I need to tell you. JP and Kelsey already know," he starts. Jason straightens up, attentive to listen, and even Stacks perks up from her desk, but she's still typing away at her computer. Craig doesn't mind if she knows, she'll know soon enough anyways. "We know how we're going to get Xavier out of here. We're going to challenge him to a winner-takes-all game of capture the flag," he explains.
Jason looks him in the eyes intensely, and Craig can see a myriad of unspoken concerns within the stare. Craig can also see trust, though, that same trust that had sparked in Jason during tea time with Eliza and her crew, the trust that managed to stay alive through all their trials together, the spark of trust that Craig himself has been filled with ever since Jason saved him, JP, and Kelsey from the dam break. Even if Jason hesitates, he doesn't doubt, and he gives Craig a small nod. "It's a good plan," he finally replies, "How can I help?"
"We need to deliver the message to Xavier," Craig informs him, "He needs to agree to the game."
Jason nods. "He's having a sleepover in a few days. If you could get in then, it'd be the perfect opportunity to challenge him," Jason proposes.
"That's a good idea," Craig smiles at him, "But how will I get inside?"
Jason looks away for a moment, debating something with himself, before he suggests, "I could get you in."
"That's perfect!" Craig exclaims, and then clasps his hands over his mouth, hoping the librarian didn't hear. They spend the rest of their time discussing the plan to infiltrate Xavier's sleepover. Craig knows that there is one fatal flaw to the otherwise perfect plan, and that is that Jason would be putting himself at risk of being caught by Xavier. Whatever would happen after that, Craig didn't want to know, especially since it would leave him and Jason (or perhaps even only Jason) surrounded by not only Xavier, but also his champions and Maya. It prickles in the back of his head the entire time. Even through Jason's confidence, Craig can see that he knows it too. Just for a moment, Craig envies that bravery.
The planning phase ends, and Craig and Jason exchange goodbyes. Craig lets him leave before him, just so no one becomes suspicious of an acorn knight allowing the king's most wanted to go home when they're right next to each other, let alone let them risk being seen talking together. There's a gentleness in Jason's voice, rare anywhere else, when he mutters, "See ya, Craig." Craig watches him leave through the book shelf, and suddenly it dawns on him. The admiration, the trust, the reserved softness, he knows what it means. He considers if he feels it too, lets the idea jingle around his mind like loose change in the bottom of a mom's purse.
Days pass, and Craig cannot make up his mind either way, stuck on how confusing it is to separate friendship from everything else. What he does know is that he trusts Jason completely. That's why he's currently hidden inside of a spare sleeping bag that Jason's bringing to the sleepover. He knows his heart skips a beat when Xavier asks Jason about all the stuff he's brought, and Craig doesn't know if he's more concerned for his own safety or Jason's. Jason plays it off well, and the question morphs into Xavier teasing him. Craig stays in hiding, waiting for the ideal opening to reveal himself, and he hears the voices of everyone around him: Xavier's commandeering, sometimes threatening voice, The Blur's excited yelling, The Squahinator's surprisingly sing-song tone, Maya's quiet, blunt responses, and acknowledgement of Jackie's signs, though Craig could not see exactly what he was saying from within the sleeping bag.
When he does reveal himself to Xavier, it all goes according to plan. He couldn't be more grateful for Jason's presence. Jason's exclamation of "He's gone!" gives him enough time to make his escape. He still doesn't know what he feels. He does know that he spends the entire night worried for Jason, and whether or not the king figured out who let Craig in.
The next day, when Jason's hand punches through the books into Stack's hideout, while Wren and Wildernessa are horrified, and JP, Kelsey, and Stacks are startled, Craig is relieved. Nevertheless, he walks up to Jason expressionless when he enters.
"Craig."
"Jason." They clasp hands together. "You old son of a scout!" Craig beams at him, then turns to the rest. "Jason's on our side."
"He's the reason the sugar swipers always knew where to strike," Kelsey adds. It's a far cry from her attitude the day the notebook was soaked in the creek. It makes Craig happy to see them get along better and he knows from Jason's smile that he's grateful.
Craig spreads his map out on the ground, and though Jason seems just as enraptured by his map as he was the first time he sees it, he simply passes Craig a book to hold down the corners. Jason explains, and points at the map with a careful touch, not quite as hesitant as he was the first day, but not entirely dropping his caution. It's all straight to the point up until everyone leaves, save Stacks, Jason, and Craig. Stacks once again returns to her book reports, leaving Craig to talk with Jason. He turns to Jason. "So, what about you?" he asks. The question is not out of leadership, it is purely concern.
Jason shrugs. "I figured you would give me something to do."
Craig struggles with his words for a moment, his very thoughts seeming to tangle with each other. He sighs, letting go of the wrecked train of thought. "It's your call. What do you want to do?" He decides to answer when he can't think of anything. He just hopes whatever Jason decides isn't any more dangerous than what he's already been doing.
Jason looks surprised at the suggestion, but then shrugs and gives Craig a small smile. "They still think I'm one of them," he reminds Craig, "So I'm going to stay on the inside for as long as I can, and try and cause as much disruption there as I can during capture the flag."
"Okay," Craig answers, refusing to go against, or even doubt, Jason's decision, though the anxiety within him twists up. He adds, "You do realize that-"
"I know," Jason cuts him off, "But this is where I can hit them hardest, even if it means that Xavier will catch me."
Craig darts his eyes downwards and looks at his feet. He really doesn't like this idea but he knows that it's not his place to go against it after giving Jason the choice of what he wanted to do, and he really doesn't want to take that autonomy away from him anyways. "Just be careful, okay?" Craig tells him. He still doesn't know if he like-likes Jason or just likes him, but he does know that the idea of Jason getting hurt doing spy work that Craig asked him to do made something deep within his stomach twist into a way-too-tight knot. When he doesn't know what he feels, it's best to go by what he does know, and judging by what he does know, no matter what he's feeling towards Jason, watching something bad happen to him would be painful.
"Of course I'll be careful," Jason replies. His voice sounds offended that Craig should feel the need to remind him, but his little smile shows Craig that he's not upset in the slightest. In fact, Jason looks grateful. For some reason, when Jason looks like that, it makes his decision hurt even more. Without really thinking, Craig suddenly wraps him into a hug. He feels Jason tense up for a moment, arms out to the side awkwardly, until he hugs back; he even buries his face into Craig's shoulder. Craig realizes what he's doing at this moment, but he can't break the hug yet, not when he knows that Jason needs this, because despite everything Jason says, the act he puts up, Jason is afraid.
When the hug does finally break, Jason's face is pink again, just the way it was the day the game master's notebook was destroyed. That day, Craig had thought the pink was from crying. Today, he knew better. He wonders how he ever didn't noticed. Jason draws his hands closer to himself, like he made a mistake. Craig quickly tells him, "Hey, it's okay."
Jason looks up, eyes wide, but he smiles, he understands that it was welcome. Jason stammers out a thank you that never really fully forms. His face deepens into red in embarrassment, and he runs out of the bookshelf, whisper-shouting so fast it all comes out like one word, "Okay Craig, see you later, stay safe, bye!" Craig laughs as he watches through the gap in the bookshelf as Jason zip out of the library as quickly as he can without getting in trouble with the librarian. It is, in a way that Craig can't put his finger on, extremely cute.
Craig turns, and sees Stacks glancing over to him, doing her best to appear like she isn't watching and listening. She drops the façade of book reports when he notices her. She turns to face him. "Wow," she mumbles, "He's even worse at hiding his feelings than Kelsey."
Craig chuckles at that. "Yeah, he's pretty obvious," he agrees.
"How do you feel about it?" Stacks pries.
Craig pauses for a moment. "I'm not sure," he admits, "He's important to me, but I'm not sure if it's just a friend thing, or…" He trails off.
"A crush thing," Stacks finishes for him. She folds her hands into her lap, before continuing, "I know exactly how you feel."
"It's so confusing. I just wish I knew how I felt," Craig complained, "All this capture the flag stuff is making it even harder."
"Well, you know, that's the good thing about being a kid," Stacks hums, "We have a lot of time to figure these things out." The clacking of her keyboard keys starts to ring out again, but it looks like she's just hitting the space key over and over just to have something to do.
"Yeah," Craig nods. He guesses it doesn't really matter what he's feeling now. He just knows that, whatever it is, he's feeling it, and maybe that's enough. There will be time to figure it out after the capture the flag game. No matter what, he feels deep down within himself that everything is going to be okay in the end. It's a good feeling to have.